the first time my heart stopped, the first time i woke up gasping for air, that weight on my chest, i fell violently in love. as soon as i felt it i couldnt get enough--never mind a razor blade, lettin the needle stroke my skin was always my kick. perverse self destruction. i loved bein sick. diseased affection. I lived for that shit, the erotic pleasure of dancin on that fine line. for the thrill of the wobble as you almost fall. savoring the seconds frozen in midair before you know you fine.
as i fell down into it i knew where i was goin, shit...it was never nothing else. just secret pleasure...the delicious feeling of the slow slide. diesel dreams turned my burned mattress into satin sheets, softest touch, fantasy love, how willing i was. the ultimate seduction. a deliberate sin. the spine tingling chill of forbidden things as i welcomed it in. and i woke up the next morning like a virgin who got her first good fuck. glowing, bursting with knowing something you dont, a new shake in my walk, new purpose in every step , my mind set. I couldnt wait to meet you again, my new best friend.
but a little danger never been enough, we need a pure blend of high octane self destruction, the sweetest secret. sometimes id let a little slip, a tiny hint. just a glimpse, but as a whole...Id always keep it. Just me and my high, just under the ribs, tucked right inside. Like two lovers in public, quick ass pinch and a wink. but just wait, just a bit, til we make it back home. im patiently waiting til i get you alone. i want you to own me, i want you to take me...break my bones, crush me, ravage me, rape me. every piece of me, love me , hate me, all of its yours. i want you, i need you, im your lover, im your whore. devastate me, break me, hit me harder, left for dead. smile on my face as the rush runs thru my head. i want it so hard, hot and violent, just the way you are. leave me wet, covered in sweat, leave me marks, leave me scars. you know i love it rough, til consciousness is almost gone. choke me out so tenderly, it always turned me on. feeling my lungs strugglin for breath under your touch. i love the way you give me just enough. let me linger on the threshold of life and death. aint satisfied til i barely got a heartbeat left. diacetyl dreams, pleasure at its most direct. when you finish leave me flushed and sweating, heart heavy in my chest. so deep, so asleep, under your caress.
aint nothin but self gratification, bliss in a bag. i wanted it deep, down inside me, i wanted it so bad. i wanted to drink it in, to suck it into my lungs, i couldnt get enough, i wanted it it all, to just let go and fall. into some kind of decadent lust, a sick fuck. wrong love.
the first time i decided to invite you deeper in, to take love in vein, i shivered with the knoweldge shit would never be the same. And the trust to let somebody slide the tip in so gently, and push it all down inside... the delicious surrender was already a high. i was so ready. ....counted backwards from ten. by seven, i was gone....by one, i wanted it again.and i let it hit me and my eyelids got heavy. "are you ok?" and all i could do was moan...unnhhhhhhhhhhhh....fuck...same animal sound as bustin a nut. frozen in ecstasy, paralyzed within the rush.
bundles and bricks becomes dirty talk, pack of fresh sets gets you off. needle caress takes the place of sex. Oh, fuck, i like it so raw. i cant get enough. dopes dirty little slut.
when i give you this shot...when i give you my words, when i give you my world, my life....i want you to feel it. I want it to be real. I want you to feel the sweat, the hot animal heat that radiates off my skin as i take it in. the lust in my heart as i feen for it, the furious, ferocious , basest need, and the unstoppable drive to satisfy. the ravenous fire burning me up inside. Pay attention, open yourself to my story. I give it to you , so you can know me too. I want you to have it, to let the hot blood course thru your veins and your head to drop, for you to know the secret rage that drives me, for you to feel the hate that i quench each time i slam down the plunger, to vibrate with the pure energy of absolule self annihilation , the fuel that fans the flames as it enters my veins. i just want you to know the reasons, i want you not to think, just to feel. to take it all in , my everything. the delicious thrill of the self destruct, the parasitic love, the violence of the rush. i give you this....but is it enough? do you hear me now, am i breaking thru, did i finally let you feel? can you understand? I need this to feel real.
If you are going to talk shit about me, at least get it right. You know shit about me, so don't talk your smack when you know fuck all about me. Never have and never will.
