Beyond help...

Well, just seeing the fruits of my efforts within my 'Relationship' are just a big heap of shit. He started driving his car into town after taking some kinda Sedatives(which only became apparent to me while we were driving) and refused to let me drive. I just ended up screaming at him to stop, which worked eventually. Then later on, I found out he had threatened to kill his Ex and this is part of the charge against him with the Cops and thats why he is on a Curfew*Sigh*. What the Fuck?!!!
Am not dealing with this shit anymore, have been dealing with his Drama for 5 fking years and am just tired of it...no matter what I say or do, he just wants to do what he wants to do and he doesnt take ANY responsibility for it unless he's on an emotional high.
This really wont sink in properly until a few days, it never does. My heart is broken from him, sometimes I dont want to be harsh cause Im afraid he's brain (injury frm a motorbike accident) has sumthin to do with it, but he knows what he's doin he is so goddamn Cocky and Manipulative(and even though I see through it, and tell him such, he just doesnt seem to harbour any respect for the Consequences his actions have on anyone who cares about him!)
I dont know how to manage without him, hes prob been the only person Ive been close to, for years.
I know you just have to roll on... I just feel so so old and fatigued from all this bullshit but it seems like its all I have ATM.
If I leave im worried things will get worse but I feel more like a parent to him(He's 47) in certain respects and thats making me miserable.
Im crazy about him but Im completly on my own with him.

 

Everyone has the point at which enough is enough. It sounds like you've reached yours. Whatever it is, you need to do what is right for you-- although he does have issues, he is an adult and will be able to cope on his own if that's what happens. You are not his parent, and if the relationship is as one-sided as you've made it seem then it is unhealthy for you.

Is there a way for you to break contact entirely for a few weeks? Sort of a trial separation: enough time to get past the first phase of post-relationship blah, and to see whether things improve.

Whatever you choose, good luck to you!

 

Thanks Dave!
Ive actually cut contact in the past(we used to live together), am presently only in physical contact with him for a few days each month. I've put down boundries but part of the the Addictive thing with him is he wont/cant let go of some of his bullshit attitude to life.
He has come on SO much better in the past few years and is actively seeking help. He just doesnt have friends who will tell him stuff straight and he wont take it from a guy, so I seem to fill that niche and I cant abdicate my responsibility to someone I love. I know this means I have to look after myself that bit extra. Its just a trial sometimes so thats why im venting.
Im really on the fence with this because he is my best friend and I cant/wont emotionally leave him(however Ive refused to have anything to do with being there for him as a result of drinking/pills)
He does have great qualities(And im not one of those women who are Deluded, and standing by their Asshole)but this is why im 'with' him. He does also have a Fucked up streak; that is completely Elusive to him and Im just trying to be there for him so he can integrate that side of himself and not fall into 'Im such a Failure' mode because this is his downfall.
The woman he threatened to 'kill' had given their daughter up for Adoption back in the 70's(without his consent!) and when he located his daughter yrs back The Mother refused to have anything to do with her. Obviously the Daughter is distraught and he is ravaged by guilt.
A few wks ago The Mother walked past D, and with friends, started to Mock him(She's 46 btw!!!!) He shouted threats back and proceeded to break a window of her buisness that night.8)
He has NEVER been violent with me/Anyone since I've known him, but he fails to discipline his Anger arising from this sense of Injustice. He feels he has to take control but it only EVER gets him into trouble. This woman is pretty wealthy and knows some Cops who are now calling to his house at all hours to intimidate him. Am scared his sense of Victimhood will override any sense of Self restraint.
I do calm him(and its not just my Ego talking, Ive seen how the Dynamic functions). Apart from that I'm pretty Powerless!
Sorry about the lengthly retort, just need to vent this stuff, my own life is pretty simple, have considered the possibility that im just Addicted to his Drama; but honestly I abhor this 'Jerry Springer' type fiasco and just wish he would look after it and pay attention to me@him(Together, or Apart) just getting on with lifes regular shit.

 

Whatever you decide, you know we support you

 

Thanks Ocean, means alot!

 

Even if it would seem to be justified from a situational standpoint, violence and earnest threats of violence are pretty unacceptable. As civil humans, we are taught (usually) to control our violent impulses, and with good reason. Sure, some people have shorter fuses than others, and yes, his ex was being pretty horrible, but it still seems a bit like an overreaction. As someone who was treated pretty horribly as a child, I've had to put down some very strong violent impulses and, well, I'll just leave it at that I guess.

You mention that he may have a brain injury-- has he been properly diagnosed? There are support systems in place in most cities (some more than others) for those with brain injuries, as well as those who care for/are associated with those with such injuries. If his impulse control is a result of an injury, which isn't uncommon from what I've heard, then he could be getting a lot more help; from official channels, giving you a chance to be you rather than his safety net. Which could in turn help your relationship get (back?) to where you want it to be.

I'm just blathering, you'll do what's best for you I'm sure. You've got far to good a head on your shoulders to not.

 

Appreciate your input Dave.
I too have experienced violence and Agression as a kid and for this very reason, I abhor it (unless in self-defence). Of course any violent Act isnt justified but I do think he's really fucked up about the past and he's in the infancy of recovery. He doesnt feel he has the power within himself to evaluate these circumstances for his own benefit, I know theres a huge 'Should' factor here but he actually has a crisis of faith, so to speak, whereby he doesn't trust anything to help him in life(Even himself) so lashing out was almost the first port of call because he cant find Trust in Anything to look out for him.
Im not making excuses for his behaviour, it appals me, however I want to be as constructive about this as possible.
He's probably going to prison for a few weeks.
I wont be visiting him, I wont do that - hands against the glass in the visiting area, bawling for his sweet return bollocks; if he invites shit on himself thats not my problem.
Thanks for the suggestions, Ive mentioned getting a brain scan to him- he hasnt done anything about it.
He has been to a Mental institute, Rehab, Psychiatrists, Art Therapy groups, and now a Councellor and Anger Management.
He seems to have a Spiritual disconnect. The Psychiatric System here is underfunded and unless one has money they tend to be third rate from my Experience. I suggested for himm to see a decent Priest, one who has a bit of wisdom and Experience as he has some Religious inclinations, and seems to hold this Sacred, so this might help reinforce his values and weld them to his normal life...perhaps?
Everything is worth Sampling anyway...