After having quite a good conversation with dad last night, it appears he is unhappy as hell and needs to leave the country, and completly re-boot his life this will mean I will almost never see him, but the only thing that means anything in the world to me is the pursuit of happiness, so it would be wrong to tell anyone else to do differently. The pursuit of happiness is my personal belief that all the universe is, is a bunch of atoms re-acting with each other, there are no such things love, cars, hate pineapples, everything is just a series of re-actions. The universe is vast and what we actually do on our time on earth is completely irrelevant. Therefore the pursuit of happiness is the only thing that matters. For me, happiness is people, being with good people is the only thing I care about, so after new year going so well, I've decided to devote my life to happiness: people.
I swear I experience OEV's in darkness, personally I am very wary of placebos, and am wary to take anything as an actual result of a drug, whether its the onset or the come-up or just feeling strange I hate the idea of thinking I'm high when Im not.
I haven't done shrooms in months but last night when I watched my lampshade morphing into a man and dance to the music I became fairly certain it was real, I see lots of different stuff, dots textures, warps and such. When I close my eyes I see the view of a camera, moving through complex structures and things morphing and changing, last night was probably the worst it has ever been, not that I didn't enjoy it a little.
This morning I woke at precisely 00:59 after going to bed fairly early. I heard the sound of birds, and immediately thought it would be morning. Looked at my clock phone, 00:59, re-set the clock, still 00:59 sudden realisation it was the middle of the night, could still hear birds chirping away, I thought this cant be right and listened closer. No birds. Not a sound. I was a little un-nerved, especially after what happened last night, why would I imagine bird sounds? Luckily a few minutes later I heard birdsong again and still do, which is very relieving. Im still some-what concerned about last night though, feeling like I am on micro-doses of shrooms is not rare, but It would be nice to have 0 side-effects, good or bad after I've finished with a drug, so I hope this deceases over the next few months.
I've attempted revising a little today, I feel like I owe it to my dad, If I'm going out getting wrecked this saturday, I should try and give something back to the world. Getting some sleep now, I'm glad I'm writing again.
