This ain't a great time of year for me right now; I'm not a big fan of Christmas, and I think I may have a physical dependence to both phenibut and RC benzodiazepines (or thienodiazepenes, whatever they're called), not to mention the 12 mg of Suboxone I've been taking for around 8 years or so.
Ironically, I began buying the etizolam and the diclazepam to help me get off of the phenibut, of which I was using 150 grams a fortnight. I'm not blaming anybody but myself here; I knew the abuse potential for this drug group - I just felt they were a logical solution to my phenibut problem. I should never have began mixing the two - that's where I really fucked up. If I don't have them, I experience an anxiety so extreme, it's hard to describe, and the most blackest depression I've ever known in my life. So, I feel completely trapped right now and don't know what to do.
Suicide has never really seemed a feasible proposition to me in the past, even during my lowest points; it seemed too messy, too bloody. Let's face it: dragging a razor over the artery in your wrist does not sound easy. I have to admit though, it's been something I've thought about quite a lot lately, because I now have means to make it painless, even easy; I have around 500 mg of pure etizolam, and 500 mg of diclazepam powder. All it would take is to pour the lot into a cup of coffee, and it's game over. It wouldn't even look like a suicide, which would devastate my mum and dad, but an accidental overdose. This isn't something I'm actively planning, but it's ticking away in the back of my mind.
Anyway, sorry for the depressing post, but I just had to get this out there somehow; I'd find it hard to explain this shit to a real life person.
Ironically, I began buying the etizolam and the diclazepam to help me get off of the phenibut, of which I was using 150 grams a fortnight. I'm not blaming anybody but myself here; I knew the abuse potential for this drug group - I just felt they were a logical solution to my phenibut problem. I should never have began mixing the two - that's where I really fucked up. If I don't have them, I experience an anxiety so extreme, it's hard to describe, and the most blackest depression I've ever known in my life. So, I feel completely trapped right now and don't know what to do.
Suicide has never really seemed a feasible proposition to me in the past, even during my lowest points; it seemed too messy, too bloody. Let's face it: dragging a razor over the artery in your wrist does not sound easy. I have to admit though, it's been something I've thought about quite a lot lately, because I now have means to make it painless, even easy; I have around 500 mg of pure etizolam, and 500 mg of diclazepam powder. All it would take is to pour the lot into a cup of coffee, and it's game over. It wouldn't even look like a suicide, which would devastate my mum and dad, but an accidental overdose. This isn't something I'm actively planning, but it's ticking away in the back of my mind.
Anyway, sorry for the depressing post, but I just had to get this out there somehow; I'd find it hard to explain this shit to a real life person.
