the SLIP! not want I wanted but till OK.

ill be honest, I had a bit of a slip up. I've been riding my bupe at a low dosage trying to get down to 4MG daily and while taking 6MG I was getting urges.

anyway, I run into an old LADY friend of mine at a gas station; she happens to be going to pick up. she asks if I want in and says how good the dope is. I give her $$ and 2 bupe for the favor. she walks away w/ both. I asked her, "what did you drop the bag?". she says, "no, I still have to get it. met me at so and so in 10 minutes". I sure dont miss those days.

anyway, she breaks up the 2 grams and we split and sniff. she was never a shooter so I didnt want to look bad infront of her. so just 12 hours after my 6MG bupe dosage I did feel a bit HIGH from the dope but nothing too serious. I did go home and end up taking a benzo or two and maybe a beer or two. slept well.

but def. regret that TODAY! I am moving forward in life and cannot let one night hold me back. in a SICK, TWISTED MIND that is me celebrating that I have made these changes; I got a new apartment, won a court case, etc. so I celebrate by using what brought me to all these cases? ha.

I used last night around 830PM. I took 4MG bupe this morning at 1015ish. I'll take another 4MG later on tonight and then tomorrow morning back to 8MG.

damn, sucks to slip up but gotta be truthful w/ yourself.

 

Wrote you a comment on your other blog. Do you see now what I was trying to say about rushing your suboxone? Pls don't feel pressured to taper down. It's much better than you stabilise n work through WHY you need to use etc then taper. Of course I can only advise you but I was experiencing cravings on 8 mg why I went up to 12 mg n I don't even think ogf opiates now.

Have you done any work in your recovery like meetings, groups , counselling, therapy etc?

Please take care ok n don't be harsh on yourself it's a blip you wont be first wont be last.

Evey

 

I see; and I've said that through but things were going so great that I wanted to be DONE W/ PILLS/DRUGS in general. so I started to speed the drop too fast. now that I am back on 8MG I've been fine the last two days. never felt shitty or anything; although, on day 2 I took 12MG because on day 1 w/ the dope still in me I took 4MG. all worked out good and back on track.

"slip up", right? I'll be honest about all my sliip ups, you got my word there. Started this blog to watch my drug life so lying really wouldnt make too much sense, huh? sad, tho.. because you know SOME people may LIE once or twice, right? sick world we live in.

anyway, been clean.

bye.

 

Please dont feel that you have to speed drop the subs. It's your medication not the same as drugs f*** what others say or do. Yes you do get into a false sense of security with bupe in feeling good n like you've cracked it (similar to antidepressants ) but bupe is just a tool n you need to works with things through. So many have done what you were trying - speed dropping off bupe n they ended up relapsing backwards.
You've worked so hard to get where you are n its not a race ok. You're doing whats right for your recovery n if you need to be on higher doses for now to keep your life in order n work your recovery then so be it.
Take care, Evey x