funny.. I've been off opiates for the past 5 months and EVERYTHING has been great; I am in that next step and I am moving back into my own ONE BED which is great; hard wood throughout, stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops, etc. you know, all that fancy shit on TV even tho I dont use any of it.
anyway, I am so happy that I got this place; got my bankruptcy case cleaned, been doing great at work and enjoying it all.. so what do I do to celebrate!?!?!
I GO OUT AND USE TO CELEBRATE! sure, it was only ONE DAY.. but it was ONE DAY TOO MUCH! and here I am trying to tell myself "well, it was only 8 hours after I took my last 8MG bupe, so I felt nothing.". "its once in 5 months, who cars". "im not even shooting, so if I only sniff its not a big deal". "what is $100 bucks out of so much saved".
those all ran through my SICK, diseased ridden head. imagine that? sure, you can say you could have those thoughts about anything, but I had those thoughts of the ONE FUCKING THING that took all that stuff I mentioned I am "getting back" away from me at one point. IT TOOK MY ALL; ALMOST MY LIFE!
I am not saying I am depressed that I used; it made me see things differently in both positive and negative ways.
As I always said, I'd be first to admit right away when/if I ever released.. well, here I am saying I did a gram of dope; but it was only a sniff using a dollar bill - so old school, ha. but as sick as this may sound, it was cool to use the same car book I used to use in this car when I'd always test new dope and sniff off same book.
anyway, I am so happy that I got this place; got my bankruptcy case cleaned, been doing great at work and enjoying it all.. so what do I do to celebrate!?!?!
I GO OUT AND USE TO CELEBRATE! sure, it was only ONE DAY.. but it was ONE DAY TOO MUCH! and here I am trying to tell myself "well, it was only 8 hours after I took my last 8MG bupe, so I felt nothing.". "its once in 5 months, who cars". "im not even shooting, so if I only sniff its not a big deal". "what is $100 bucks out of so much saved".
those all ran through my SICK, diseased ridden head. imagine that? sure, you can say you could have those thoughts about anything, but I had those thoughts of the ONE FUCKING THING that took all that stuff I mentioned I am "getting back" away from me at one point. IT TOOK MY ALL; ALMOST MY LIFE!
I am not saying I am depressed that I used; it made me see things differently in both positive and negative ways.
As I always said, I'd be first to admit right away when/if I ever released.. well, here I am saying I did a gram of dope; but it was only a sniff using a dollar bill - so old school, ha. but as sick as this may sound, it was cool to use the same car book I used to use in this car when I'd always test new dope and sniff off same book.
