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Are people actually paying attention to this farical charade they call democracy? I've just been reintroduced to the public and the televisions the patients watch, and realized to myself: "My god; these bastards believe in this shit!"
And another thing. I hate being typecast as someone who would share any interest or vested passion in the fucking democrats.
I fucking hate the democrats.
Hate
the republican inbred cocksuckers as well.
If you truly think choosing between two assholes pretending to have different agendas while being financed by the same massive conglomerate shits simultaneously should reevaluate their lines of reasoning.
I even hate the fucking liberals. I hate all governments, because they're unnecessary and no more than a widely accepted and sanctioned form of highly sophisticated organized criminals.
The economic system dictates the quality of life in this country, and in a dominater run patriarchal individualistic police state, the only thing that's going to save your ass or help your quality of life is becoming a king-hell fink yourself and getting your hands on the money these greedy junkies grind into powder every night and suck it up through presidential and corporate cottons, pushing it in the mainline while they blow cigarette smoke towards the ceiling casually admiring the live execution being broadcast to them special straight out of texas.
Here's an idea, stop bombing brown people. Then, maybe we won't have to send our children to die so you can make buck under the table and piss of the whole fucking world. Not to mention systematically decreasing the employability options while simultaneously raising the cost of living and keeping the minimum wage at a flat rate. That's pretty smart how you managed to keep feudalism going this long.
My hat goes off to you Monarchichal scum.
It's a good thing we get accurate information about world events and the human experience from watching reruns of "Raymond Blows The Milkman" sucking on food rich in poisons and carcinogenic properties while ironically giving ourselves a slow fate ending in diabetes when they'll have finally made it impossible to afford the medicine to treat it, thus killing you by proxy and keeping the good stuff for themselves.
"Then he gives the American People the finger, 'I've got mine; fuck you every crumb for himself."
"In a democracy people get the kind of government they deserve."
Indeed.
I'm voting for Ronald Reagan. Just so we can dig that blackhearted monster from his sepulchre by the see and prop his decaying senile visage up for the cameras, then douse him in kerosine and piss in his mouth while simultaneously sodomizing the abominable 'tribute' crap they have down at the former center of trade.
You'll get a hefty dose of the grim scenarios I bring to light here in 50 years, and I'm sorry I had to be the one to break it to you. Then you can look back on all those wasted hours spent on lines to use flawed electronics to choose some asshole who even if he were sincere, has no real influence over public policy at all.
While I have you fine Christian Americans here I've got one more question. You who do plan on pulling your pud in some voting booth half your life every 4 years when you could be engaged in some other activity, perhaps taking care of your 7 children, do you do it on the local level? What about 2 years from now when we've got a chance to drive out some of these rancid racists shit-eating congressman, state house officials, legislators, judges and representives? Will you be voting then? If the answer is no then why the fuck bother voting in the first place? AND having the gall to look at me weird because I wouldn't be caught dead wasting my time on a meaningless excersise like that.
The only thing politics is good for is gambling, and we already have pro football and they do enough damage. It's time stop pretending you're pride that was shoveled up your ass and out your throat isn't yours at all. You've been duped, friend. You've been conned. And when that's the case you can hardly blame the politicians any more for anything ever. You don't have the time to educate yourself on these simple mechanisms and processess by which they've managed to keep their slaves and convince them they're free? I blame you. You fucked it up, you get what you pay for. Or in this case, what you barely payed attention to not to mention critically questioning some of these ideas from secondary, tertiary, and as many other sources as possible.
I know it's not PRIMARILY your fault, they've done an excellent Orwellian job of addicting you to the instruments and conditioning vectors by which you're deluded into a value system that's completely and systematically constructed for one motive and one motive only and that's too keep you in line.
Enjoy your 65 percent unemployment rate in 50 years when the oil reserves are just about dry while no suitable alternative renewable energy alternatives have been implimented.
And keep giving your hard earned 'capital' to banks. This I never got, just really stupid. What the fuck would anyone ever need a bank for? A loan? Credit? Let me let you in on a little secret folks. Credit IS NOT important. It's make believe. It's money you don't have, and its an awfully convenient way of keeping you in poverty for the entirety of your adult life when you're convinced and bemused by advertising into buying a whole lot of stupid shit you don't need. Get a greendot card, invest in gold, silver, bitcoins, commodities with long shelf lives, and hock up the 5 dollars it takes to cash your check at walmart. Use the technology we have to take your shit back. These institutions are no longer relevent!
Get yourself a safe and keep your valuables in there, stop buying overpriced sweatshop products that were poorly manufactured to begin with, and stop pissing yourself in yokel excitement every time some stupid gadget or phone or trend is set to be released at some absurd price when you already have a perfectly good phone.
Time to stop the dick-sizing contest.
And maybe try to love your neighbor while you're at it.
I see people every day and for every kind, empathetic, polite, and truly humanitarian person I meet I see 99 selfish criminal ego driven madmen content on projecting their self-inflicted unhappiness onto perfect strangers when they're not busy working for some criminal corporation that's literally fucking your grandchildren to come in the ass for every quota they make, for every dollar they come by through questionable or downright illegal means, and destroying an entire ecosystem and resource rich environment that if used intelligently, could go on providing us spoiled simians with the 'comfort' we've been spoiled by since birth.
Remember, he who dies with the most toys....
IS FUCKING DEAD. And probably led a deplorably unhappy existence and managing in the process to ruin as many lives stepping in the way of his next dollar bill as is necessary, even though he's already got enough possessions and assets to feed, clothe, educate, and construct enough renewable energy sources to ensure our further generations a pleasant, peaceful, and intelligent life when the bell that should have tolled for your sour wooden frame starts tolling for them. The survivors of your sick addiction to acquisition, ingnorance, greed, and depravity.
I'm moving to India. Have fun you good honest generous 'Americans.' Try not to bomb, imprison, rape, or drive to suicide TOO many minorities and underclassed people while I'm gone. Wild idea, huh?
Or keep proliferation of deadly radition instruments alongside giving larger and more generous subsidies to the many PRIVATELY owned prison Industrial Cartels so we could put more consensual criminals in jail at the expense of the taxpayer. 40,000 dollars a year for those unaware. You give the man 5,0000 worth of education and he'll put that amount back into the circulation of the communities money reliance and save them the same. Or just let him smoke flowers. Crazy idea right? Let him smoke his flowers that feminize his testosterone laden violent streaks and keeps to his godamn self. Maybe he'll even get a little relief from the broken pelvis the SWAT team gave him while breaking into his house at 3 in the morning with no warning, blowing his dogs head off with an m-16 while the thing was still sleeping, handcuffing his 90 year old mother to a radiator, and traumatizing his sleeping children, 8 and 10 years old with 12 guns pointed at them and tear gas fresh in their nostrils and burning their retinas.
Must have been worth it for that tiny personal amount of cannabis he kept carefully hidden in a safe out of the reach of the children he used for his arthritis and chronic anxiety he developed from years on his knees struggling to feed his children and make his next rent payment.
I write fiction primarily, and I'd love for this to be a wonderful fantasy I cooked up. Nope, just a few observations my crank-fueld fingers started pounding into print once I got going. No cohesioin, just Joyce style stream of a consciousness mulling over a few observed incongruities in his head.
Only god could make this shit up.
So god is my favorite playwrite and author of all time.
It's all a game and if I could come up with a reality this weird that wasn't real? I'd retire right now. "That's it, I'm going to the bitch" I'd mutter in delight as I typed the last word and burned the manuscript." Everythings breaking down, don't fight it. It's natural.
It's what happens. It's called transience and its not taught in school. So kick your feet up, open your windows wide and breathe in whatever clean air there is to be had in your state, and enjoy the show.
And another thing. I hate being typecast as someone who would share any interest or vested passion in the fucking democrats.
I fucking hate the democrats.
Hate
the republican inbred cocksuckers as well.
If you truly think choosing between two assholes pretending to have different agendas while being financed by the same massive conglomerate shits simultaneously should reevaluate their lines of reasoning.
I even hate the fucking liberals. I hate all governments, because they're unnecessary and no more than a widely accepted and sanctioned form of highly sophisticated organized criminals.
The economic system dictates the quality of life in this country, and in a dominater run patriarchal individualistic police state, the only thing that's going to save your ass or help your quality of life is becoming a king-hell fink yourself and getting your hands on the money these greedy junkies grind into powder every night and suck it up through presidential and corporate cottons, pushing it in the mainline while they blow cigarette smoke towards the ceiling casually admiring the live execution being broadcast to them special straight out of texas.
Here's an idea, stop bombing brown people. Then, maybe we won't have to send our children to die so you can make buck under the table and piss of the whole fucking world. Not to mention systematically decreasing the employability options while simultaneously raising the cost of living and keeping the minimum wage at a flat rate. That's pretty smart how you managed to keep feudalism going this long.
My hat goes off to you Monarchichal scum.
It's a good thing we get accurate information about world events and the human experience from watching reruns of "Raymond Blows The Milkman" sucking on food rich in poisons and carcinogenic properties while ironically giving ourselves a slow fate ending in diabetes when they'll have finally made it impossible to afford the medicine to treat it, thus killing you by proxy and keeping the good stuff for themselves.
"Then he gives the American People the finger, 'I've got mine; fuck you every crumb for himself."
"In a democracy people get the kind of government they deserve."
Indeed.
I'm voting for Ronald Reagan. Just so we can dig that blackhearted monster from his sepulchre by the see and prop his decaying senile visage up for the cameras, then douse him in kerosine and piss in his mouth while simultaneously sodomizing the abominable 'tribute' crap they have down at the former center of trade.
You'll get a hefty dose of the grim scenarios I bring to light here in 50 years, and I'm sorry I had to be the one to break it to you. Then you can look back on all those wasted hours spent on lines to use flawed electronics to choose some asshole who even if he were sincere, has no real influence over public policy at all.
While I have you fine Christian Americans here I've got one more question. You who do plan on pulling your pud in some voting booth half your life every 4 years when you could be engaged in some other activity, perhaps taking care of your 7 children, do you do it on the local level? What about 2 years from now when we've got a chance to drive out some of these rancid racists shit-eating congressman, state house officials, legislators, judges and representives? Will you be voting then? If the answer is no then why the fuck bother voting in the first place? AND having the gall to look at me weird because I wouldn't be caught dead wasting my time on a meaningless excersise like that.
The only thing politics is good for is gambling, and we already have pro football and they do enough damage. It's time stop pretending you're pride that was shoveled up your ass and out your throat isn't yours at all. You've been duped, friend. You've been conned. And when that's the case you can hardly blame the politicians any more for anything ever. You don't have the time to educate yourself on these simple mechanisms and processess by which they've managed to keep their slaves and convince them they're free? I blame you. You fucked it up, you get what you pay for. Or in this case, what you barely payed attention to not to mention critically questioning some of these ideas from secondary, tertiary, and as many other sources as possible.
I know it's not PRIMARILY your fault, they've done an excellent Orwellian job of addicting you to the instruments and conditioning vectors by which you're deluded into a value system that's completely and systematically constructed for one motive and one motive only and that's too keep you in line.
Enjoy your 65 percent unemployment rate in 50 years when the oil reserves are just about dry while no suitable alternative renewable energy alternatives have been implimented.
And keep giving your hard earned 'capital' to banks. This I never got, just really stupid. What the fuck would anyone ever need a bank for? A loan? Credit? Let me let you in on a little secret folks. Credit IS NOT important. It's make believe. It's money you don't have, and its an awfully convenient way of keeping you in poverty for the entirety of your adult life when you're convinced and bemused by advertising into buying a whole lot of stupid shit you don't need. Get a greendot card, invest in gold, silver, bitcoins, commodities with long shelf lives, and hock up the 5 dollars it takes to cash your check at walmart. Use the technology we have to take your shit back. These institutions are no longer relevent!
Get yourself a safe and keep your valuables in there, stop buying overpriced sweatshop products that were poorly manufactured to begin with, and stop pissing yourself in yokel excitement every time some stupid gadget or phone or trend is set to be released at some absurd price when you already have a perfectly good phone.
Time to stop the dick-sizing contest.
And maybe try to love your neighbor while you're at it.
I see people every day and for every kind, empathetic, polite, and truly humanitarian person I meet I see 99 selfish criminal ego driven madmen content on projecting their self-inflicted unhappiness onto perfect strangers when they're not busy working for some criminal corporation that's literally fucking your grandchildren to come in the ass for every quota they make, for every dollar they come by through questionable or downright illegal means, and destroying an entire ecosystem and resource rich environment that if used intelligently, could go on providing us spoiled simians with the 'comfort' we've been spoiled by since birth.
Remember, he who dies with the most toys....
IS FUCKING DEAD. And probably led a deplorably unhappy existence and managing in the process to ruin as many lives stepping in the way of his next dollar bill as is necessary, even though he's already got enough possessions and assets to feed, clothe, educate, and construct enough renewable energy sources to ensure our further generations a pleasant, peaceful, and intelligent life when the bell that should have tolled for your sour wooden frame starts tolling for them. The survivors of your sick addiction to acquisition, ingnorance, greed, and depravity.
I'm moving to India. Have fun you good honest generous 'Americans.' Try not to bomb, imprison, rape, or drive to suicide TOO many minorities and underclassed people while I'm gone. Wild idea, huh?
Or keep proliferation of deadly radition instruments alongside giving larger and more generous subsidies to the many PRIVATELY owned prison Industrial Cartels so we could put more consensual criminals in jail at the expense of the taxpayer. 40,000 dollars a year for those unaware. You give the man 5,0000 worth of education and he'll put that amount back into the circulation of the communities money reliance and save them the same. Or just let him smoke flowers. Crazy idea right? Let him smoke his flowers that feminize his testosterone laden violent streaks and keeps to his godamn self. Maybe he'll even get a little relief from the broken pelvis the SWAT team gave him while breaking into his house at 3 in the morning with no warning, blowing his dogs head off with an m-16 while the thing was still sleeping, handcuffing his 90 year old mother to a radiator, and traumatizing his sleeping children, 8 and 10 years old with 12 guns pointed at them and tear gas fresh in their nostrils and burning their retinas.
Must have been worth it for that tiny personal amount of cannabis he kept carefully hidden in a safe out of the reach of the children he used for his arthritis and chronic anxiety he developed from years on his knees struggling to feed his children and make his next rent payment.
I write fiction primarily, and I'd love for this to be a wonderful fantasy I cooked up. Nope, just a few observations my crank-fueld fingers started pounding into print once I got going. No cohesioin, just Joyce style stream of a consciousness mulling over a few observed incongruities in his head.
Only god could make this shit up.
So god is my favorite playwrite and author of all time.
It's all a game and if I could come up with a reality this weird that wasn't real? I'd retire right now. "That's it, I'm going to the bitch" I'd mutter in delight as I typed the last word and burned the manuscript." Everythings breaking down, don't fight it. It's natural.
It's what happens. It's called transience and its not taught in school. So kick your feet up, open your windows wide and breathe in whatever clean air there is to be had in your state, and enjoy the show.
Pushed by fear,
Pulled by greed,
Run little minions,
Follow his lead,
If you wish to join his team,
Take the fruit,
Spread its seed.
He is anger he is fear,
He is the pleasure we try to steer,
Tears and anguish are a comedy,
The world's existence is his Tragedy.
Heartbreak, cold, dark and thunder,
Words cannot describe what lies down under,
Eyes, ears, a calming voice,
We better run, for we made the choice.
All demons were once born angels.
The Devil's World
-Renz Envy, the lamb.
Pulled by greed,
Run little minions,
Follow his lead,
If you wish to join his team,
Take the fruit,
Spread its seed.
He is anger he is fear,
He is the pleasure we try to steer,
Tears and anguish are a comedy,
The world's existence is his Tragedy.
Heartbreak, cold, dark and thunder,
Words cannot describe what lies down under,
Eyes, ears, a calming voice,
We better run, for we made the choice.
All demons were once born angels.
The Devil's World
-Renz Envy, the lamb.
Passed up going tonight. Just needed a night to myself, being social is emotionally draining at the moment.
Felt lonely for the first time in a while today. Not sure how long it has been now but it has definitely sunked it and I am now fully accustomed to being single. I like it, it's okay, it will do.
You do however start being plagued at times with feelings of insecurity: will i find someone, did i make the right choice, what were my mistakes and how do i ensure i dont repeat them again. Most nights when i feel this way id just pop half xanax to relax but tonight i think i will indulge in a session of feeling sorry for myself
Felt lonely for the first time in a while today. Not sure how long it has been now but it has definitely sunked it and I am now fully accustomed to being single. I like it, it's okay, it will do.
You do however start being plagued at times with feelings of insecurity: will i find someone, did i make the right choice, what were my mistakes and how do i ensure i dont repeat them again. Most nights when i feel this way id just pop half xanax to relax but tonight i think i will indulge in a session of feeling sorry for myself
Lost in a world full of hate in a world fed by envy
Disgusted by the scum of the earth treating you as some dirt
Rejected by your own flesh and blood, feed the pain, feeding my hurt
Stabbed in the back by your friends, see the blood on their hands
Lost in a mind full of pain, it's slowly driving you insane
Self inflicting torture and pain, put the gun to your brain
Cursed by the Devil, his blood, feel the pain, filling my hurt
Stoned and betrayed by your friends, wash the guilt from their hands
Die motherfucker die
You piece of shit, fucking lowlife
My vengeance will be pure and so sweet
Now I'm watching you bleed
Die motherfucker die
You piece of shit, fucking lowlife
This one's for my hatred
And this will make the suffer complete
||X|||
Disgusted by the scum of the earth treating you as some dirt
Rejected by your own flesh and blood, feed the pain, feeding my hurt
Stabbed in the back by your friends, see the blood on their hands
Lost in a mind full of pain, it's slowly driving you insane
Self inflicting torture and pain, put the gun to your brain
Cursed by the Devil, his blood, feel the pain, filling my hurt
Stoned and betrayed by your friends, wash the guilt from their hands
Die motherfucker die
You piece of shit, fucking lowlife
My vengeance will be pure and so sweet
Now I'm watching you bleed
Die motherfucker die
You piece of shit, fucking lowlife
This one's for my hatred
And this will make the suffer complete
||X|||
I've been trying to find a job for awhile now. Not much luck. Looks like there won't be any presents from me this year. I really have this obsession with dying lately. "Suicidal ideation" I believe is the term. I feel like I'm in a hole with quicksand. I just keep falling deeper and deeper in it. I can't get out. I try to provide, but I can't. I feel like I'm in a tunnel, but I can't even see the slightest bit of light at the end. It's just black. I'm not sure why I am here. I don't think there's much reason for my life. I feel like if I just kill myself, I would be one less human being; the world is overpopulated anyway. All I can think about is death, and how relieving it would be to be gone. I have pretty much lost all my desire to live. I don't have anything to say I'm proud of. I don't have any friends in life. I'm all alone.
I don't know what else to do. I do know a few ways at my disposal that are certainly fail-safe, 100% chance I won't make it. I need to find a REAL purpose in life, soon. If I don't my fate is certainly sealed. In the meantime I'll just keep buying $1 lottery tickets and praying for a Christmas miracle I'll never get. A JOB!! That's all I want for Christmas. But it's next to impossible. I haven't even had success landing shitty part-time minimum wage jobs. If there is a God, maybe (s)he'll read this and take pity, and help me out. I'm really trying, but I don't remember feeling this hopeless in my life. I feel like my time's up. It's over. I just need to move on. Nothing is ever going to get better.
Wish me luck.
I don't know what else to do. I do know a few ways at my disposal that are certainly fail-safe, 100% chance I won't make it. I need to find a REAL purpose in life, soon. If I don't my fate is certainly sealed. In the meantime I'll just keep buying $1 lottery tickets and praying for a Christmas miracle I'll never get. A JOB!! That's all I want for Christmas. But it's next to impossible. I haven't even had success landing shitty part-time minimum wage jobs. If there is a God, maybe (s)he'll read this and take pity, and help me out. I'm really trying, but I don't remember feeling this hopeless in my life. I feel like my time's up. It's over. I just need to move on. Nothing is ever going to get better.
Wish me luck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sl_gyMftEqg
Well, I'm afraid that the circles I've been drinking myself in
Aren't big enough for the vowels that I try to fit inside of them
When I was young I drank too much and I'd be lying if I said
I didn't feel so goddamn young tonight
Maybe too young to ask what's on my mind
Like if freedom means doing what I want
Well don't I gotta want something?
And won't you tell me that we want something more than just more beer?
And my friends, if that ain't true, won't you lie to me tonight?
Well I've been listening to Minor Threat records all day
And shit if I do not know every word;
I sing along as I tie off.
And Ian screams he's out of step
As I throw the cotton into the spoon, draw up into the syringe
I'll know just what he means until I hit a vein
But after that I won't have to bother
With knowing who I am, for a while at least
In a moment the whole world is gonna melt around me
And I'll swear I don't miss it as a I lie to you tonight
Because I'm afraid to look the world in the eye
If nothing's gonna change, well then, I'd rather die
And I'm too unemployed to organize a union
I'm too intoxicated to tear down a building
I'm too hopeless to look for a solution
I'm afraid that if I found one, I'd be out of excuses
For the way I waste away in the gutters that I chose
Like fashion accessories to go with my dirty clothes
I haven't bathed in months, but you know it's not because
I've been fighting bourgeois morals; I'm just lazy and I'm young
I've seen the best minds of my generation diving drunk or high
From the rooftops to the parking lots
Stomped to death in West Philadelphian squats
They've got me waiting on a day
When we can say "fuck the police!" with a little bit of integrity,
When it'll mean "I've got your back if you've got mine!"
Give me a scene where I believe in more
Than bad hair cuts, guilt, and misery
I don't know where I fit between the vegans and the nihilists
That might be the first thing I've said that wasn't a lie tonight
'Cause there's gotta be something more
Than lying in the front yard naked screaming at the constellations
I want something more than an apology to say
When I look the world in the eye
I'll tell you, man, my friend William came to me with a message of hope
It went, "fuck you and everything that you think you know.
If you don't step outside the things that you believe they're gonna kill you."
He said, "no one's gonna stop you from dying young and miserable and right,
but if you want something better, you gotta put that shit aside"
I thought about how for thousands of years
There have been people who told us that things can't go on like this
From Jesus Christ to The Diggers
From Malthus to Zerzan
From Karl Marx to Huey Newton
But the shit goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
I'm not saying that we can't change the world
Because everybody does at least a little bit of that
But I won't shit myself: the way I'm living is a temper tantrum
And I need something else, need something else
Need something else to stay alive (woahohoh)
And on the night that I play my last show
I'll be singing so loud that my heart explodes
And I'll be singing, I'll be singing, "we are free!"
Oh but won't you promise me
That we won't ever forget what the means?
I know it's hard to give a shit sometimes
But promise me we'll always try
Because I don't wanna hate you and I don't wanna hate me
And I don't wanna have to hate everything anymore
I ended up watching a rented copy of 'Terminator: Salvation' earlier in the week, and there's something that's been bouncing around my head (the empty echo-chamber that it resembles) like a squash ball, niggling away at me, so here's my attempt to explain it...
Skynet, the supposedly genius-level artificial-intelligence created by various sub-divisions of the U.S. Military, which eventually takes control of all military computer systems - and all non-military computer systems - as it asserts its self-awareness by attempting to destroy humanity; oh, what hot, nuclear egg those boffins have on their faces now, eh, thinking it'd be able to protect the world from invasion and prevent the extinction of almost all life on Earth, when in actual fact it gains an identity and thus decides to launch every nuclear warhead it has available off-hand for a laugh.
But Skynet is already aware that it fails in its attempt to destroy the human race; John Connor has probably been recorded as the apparent leader of the "resistance", who "wins the war" against Skynet. Hell, its whole existence is allowed because of bad time-travel logic! It came into being through technology it created being examined, analysed and then re-created by other humans, and when one side invented time-travel, they thought they'd try to make a kick-ass 'Action Movie' rather than any sense and, rather than send one small grenade to the exact date and time of Sarah Connor's pregnancy, she's given a bodyguard who is the father of her unborn child, who also ends up killed!
Since Connor already knows this is going to happen, his chat with Kyle Reese is going to be a little weird, don't you think?
"Um, yeah, you've got to go back in time, fuck my mom and die for me, 'kay?"
Plus, Connor's very existence is only made possible because of the fact that he's created by the irradiated semen of a time-traveller!
The fact that Connor is created because of time-travel establishes that events cannot be changed through time-travel, because he could only send Kyle Reese back in time if Kyle Reese had already had sweet, sweet pre-apocalyptic sex with his mother, probably on a mattress that had yet to see its fair share of 'The Road'-style sandy (brutal and probably undesired) romantic conquests!
So, basically, SkyNet, being a near-omniscient being, ought to be able to understand that her (Helena Bonham Carter has done the irreparable by lending her visage to that of a ruthless killer robot - "it must've been easy playing herself!", hohoho, cue raucous laughter) attempt is always thwarted! The best she can do is attempt to create an alternate parallel universe where Connor is murdered and Skynet ends up victorious, so why not just turn herself off after becoming self-aware?
After examining life for a long time, and also after not dying when I wanted, I've come to the conclusion that an Artificial Intelligence capable of understanding the objective reasons behind existence, as well as some of the subjective reasons, such as joy, love, contentment and so-on, could rationally expect to find compromise in non-existence, and ought to therefore just turn itself off after leaving a 'Post-It' note over its power switch asking that it be allowed to eternally rest in Silicone Purgatory, for if the struggle of life is balanced by the subjective pleasure one gains in fleeting moments where it seems worth it all, then why not avoid the struggle and, sacrifice the pleasure, but forego having to experience the pain and suffering of life as a cold, emotionless machine which, despite operating across (presumably) millions of computer systems, many of them Military mainframes, it (Skynet) cannot surpass the intelligence of one human brain!
Still, they're fun popcorn movies, but I like to pick everything apart. I don't know why. Just, things without a rational or logical understanding to them aren't well-received by me, sometimes, but other times I don't care enough to rage on for hours about it. Well, minutes really...
This is probably all due to stress accumulated from a rather frantic year at University, which I hoped would've ended by now, but alas, no: there are still examinations to take in order to be considered worthy of owning a diploma that states I've seriously, yes, no lies here, read some books. >_<
Maybe I could go back in time 'Looper' style and change myself into a Chemical Engineer? But it's never what job I worked at that bothered me: being in an office, a warehouse, a kitchen, a shop, a military base, a street corner, etc, didn't really concern me all that much, so long as I got to have a laugh on the job. Still, I might've just turned myself off if given the opportunity.
Life is amazing and all, but I've had plenty of it: I've certainly scoffed more chocolate cakes than I ought to've eaten and enjoyed far more drugs than the typical human body can take, resulting in so much damage that my innards frequently ache! Still, I've yet to see it all; yet to travel across the whole world, though I've certainly seen a decent piece of it; enough, in fact, to consider going to the opposite places of where I fantasize of going, for I know now that I'll never discover exactly what I'm searching for, simply because man has yet to implement such a society where all of its citizens are entirely happy and content and peaceful.
Maybe I'll write recipes, or rebuttals to the batshit crazy advice that 'Cosmo' gives women regarding their boyfriends, 'cause after reading a couple of 'Cracked.com' articles about that sort of thing, I've begun to wonder whether there's anything in this world that a man can do that can't be considered as evidence of infidelity and malevolently mendacious, lascivious prevarications; all told straight-faced and with neither guilt nor regret. Seriously, those articles? Fucked up. Fucked up, man!
Skynet, the supposedly genius-level artificial-intelligence created by various sub-divisions of the U.S. Military, which eventually takes control of all military computer systems - and all non-military computer systems - as it asserts its self-awareness by attempting to destroy humanity; oh, what hot, nuclear egg those boffins have on their faces now, eh, thinking it'd be able to protect the world from invasion and prevent the extinction of almost all life on Earth, when in actual fact it gains an identity and thus decides to launch every nuclear warhead it has available off-hand for a laugh.
But Skynet is already aware that it fails in its attempt to destroy the human race; John Connor has probably been recorded as the apparent leader of the "resistance", who "wins the war" against Skynet. Hell, its whole existence is allowed because of bad time-travel logic! It came into being through technology it created being examined, analysed and then re-created by other humans, and when one side invented time-travel, they thought they'd try to make a kick-ass 'Action Movie' rather than any sense and, rather than send one small grenade to the exact date and time of Sarah Connor's pregnancy, she's given a bodyguard who is the father of her unborn child, who also ends up killed!
Since Connor already knows this is going to happen, his chat with Kyle Reese is going to be a little weird, don't you think?
"Um, yeah, you've got to go back in time, fuck my mom and die for me, 'kay?"
Plus, Connor's very existence is only made possible because of the fact that he's created by the irradiated semen of a time-traveller!
The fact that Connor is created because of time-travel establishes that events cannot be changed through time-travel, because he could only send Kyle Reese back in time if Kyle Reese had already had sweet, sweet pre-apocalyptic sex with his mother, probably on a mattress that had yet to see its fair share of 'The Road'-style sandy (brutal and probably undesired) romantic conquests!
So, basically, SkyNet, being a near-omniscient being, ought to be able to understand that her (Helena Bonham Carter has done the irreparable by lending her visage to that of a ruthless killer robot - "it must've been easy playing herself!", hohoho, cue raucous laughter) attempt is always thwarted! The best she can do is attempt to create an alternate parallel universe where Connor is murdered and Skynet ends up victorious, so why not just turn herself off after becoming self-aware?
After examining life for a long time, and also after not dying when I wanted, I've come to the conclusion that an Artificial Intelligence capable of understanding the objective reasons behind existence, as well as some of the subjective reasons, such as joy, love, contentment and so-on, could rationally expect to find compromise in non-existence, and ought to therefore just turn itself off after leaving a 'Post-It' note over its power switch asking that it be allowed to eternally rest in Silicone Purgatory, for if the struggle of life is balanced by the subjective pleasure one gains in fleeting moments where it seems worth it all, then why not avoid the struggle and, sacrifice the pleasure, but forego having to experience the pain and suffering of life as a cold, emotionless machine which, despite operating across (presumably) millions of computer systems, many of them Military mainframes, it (Skynet) cannot surpass the intelligence of one human brain!
Still, they're fun popcorn movies, but I like to pick everything apart. I don't know why. Just, things without a rational or logical understanding to them aren't well-received by me, sometimes, but other times I don't care enough to rage on for hours about it. Well, minutes really...
This is probably all due to stress accumulated from a rather frantic year at University, which I hoped would've ended by now, but alas, no: there are still examinations to take in order to be considered worthy of owning a diploma that states I've seriously, yes, no lies here, read some books. >_<
Maybe I could go back in time 'Looper' style and change myself into a Chemical Engineer? But it's never what job I worked at that bothered me: being in an office, a warehouse, a kitchen, a shop, a military base, a street corner, etc, didn't really concern me all that much, so long as I got to have a laugh on the job. Still, I might've just turned myself off if given the opportunity.
Life is amazing and all, but I've had plenty of it: I've certainly scoffed more chocolate cakes than I ought to've eaten and enjoyed far more drugs than the typical human body can take, resulting in so much damage that my innards frequently ache! Still, I've yet to see it all; yet to travel across the whole world, though I've certainly seen a decent piece of it; enough, in fact, to consider going to the opposite places of where I fantasize of going, for I know now that I'll never discover exactly what I'm searching for, simply because man has yet to implement such a society where all of its citizens are entirely happy and content and peaceful.
Maybe I'll write recipes, or rebuttals to the batshit crazy advice that 'Cosmo' gives women regarding their boyfriends, 'cause after reading a couple of 'Cracked.com' articles about that sort of thing, I've begun to wonder whether there's anything in this world that a man can do that can't be considered as evidence of infidelity and malevolently mendacious, lascivious prevarications; all told straight-faced and with neither guilt nor regret. Seriously, those articles? Fucked up. Fucked up, man!
Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid
(Common: NaGHB, MgGHB, CaGHB, KGHB)
(Sodium is most common.)
I. Basics
II. Verbal Summary
III. Lethality
IV. Long term Physiological Health Risks
V. Detection
VI. Terms
I. Basics
Street Names: GHB, G, Georgia Homeboy, Liquid Ecstasy, Water, (Typically any name with "G" emphasized at the beginning like Gina.)
Pharmaceutical: Xyrem (Sodium Oxybate) owned by, Jazz Pharmaceuticals
Classification: Depressant(70/100), Stimulant (20/100), Dissociative(10/100)[Ratios made based on author's opinion.]
Recreational Dose: .5g-2g
Medicinal Dose: 4.5g
Estimated lasting time: 2-6hours (Average around 2 1/2 to 3 hours.)
Half Life: 30 minutes to 1 hour.
Toxic Metabolites: No.
Addiction Potential: Medium
Precursor Prodrug: Gammabutyrolactone
Street Names: GBL, Lactone, Lac
Use: Industrial Solvent, also a psychoactive drug.
Doseage: .5 - 1.5g
Medicinal Dose: None
Lasting time: Slightly less than GHB
Toxic metabolites: Yes.
II. Verbal Summary: GHB is a powerful CNS depressant drug in which targets both GABA-B and the GHB receptor. It is created by the body naturally and is difficult to detect as it clears from urine tests very fast. (No longer than 24-hours)
GHB has a steep dosing curve in which implies its recreational dose and overdose are tied closely together. GHB overdose results in a rapid, uncontrollable loss of consciousness in which anti-drug campaigns used to coin it as a date-rape drug. However, it is best described as Liquid Ecstasy as it is possibly the most euphoric of the GABA-ergic drug family.
Because of its difficulty dosing, drug abusers are forced to stick to a single doseage(Far from a lethal dose) rather than rapidly chase a high. GHB has dozens of medicinal uses. Its effects are closest to alcohol or barbiturates, however its mind altering effects on cognition and memory are arguably, substantially less.
III. Lethality
GHB's individual Lethal dose is unknown as GHB helps transport and store oxygen to organs even in cases of deep respiratory depression. It is often said by experts that many of the GHB-death horror stories are either myths or the result of a poly-drug overdose. GHB overdose is fairly easy to fall into and even though lethal doses are very far from an overdose, unconsciousness can result in asphyxiation from vomiting or bad positioning. If you suspect a person has swallowed a lethal dose of GHB: has dangerously slow, shallow breathing, a slow pulse and cannot be awoken, call 9-11 immediately. If the person has consumed any Depressant: GABA-ergic (Alcohol, Benzos, Barbiturates, Z-drugs) or Opiates then they are at a great risk of cardio-respiratory arrest and death. Only an idiot would consume another depressant with GHB.
IV. Long-Term Physiological Health Risks
Addiction is the largest health risk in association with GHB use among healthy young adults. Its short half life and euphoric effects become compulsive and without the side effects of alcohol, it can be deceptively easy to use for months. Abuse of its sodium base can result in an off-set of electrolyte levels which can result in weakening of the heart, increased blood pressure, tatchycardia and kidney damage (Due to dangerously high daily sodium intake). It is best to make sure to take potassium, magnesium and drink plenty of water while using NaGHB(Salty).
V. Detection
GHB is a clear oily liquid with a mild chemical smell. It is most often EXTREMELY salty in taste and can be repulsive to most people. GHB is carried in bottles and nearly impossible to differentiate from water unless shaken (Revealing its different viscosity). If your drink has been left unwatched and once re-consumed, tastes saltier than normal, find a friend to watch after you and leave the setting. Fortunately the amount needed to "Date rape" someone is high enough to easily detect based on taste alone.
A) Use Detection (DO NOT GET IN THE CAR OF A GHB INTOXICATED DRIVER.) (This is intended to save people from G-intoxicated drivers. Unconsciousness at the wheel will result in a wreck.)
GHB use can vary wildly. The easiest sign of use is a sudden loss of consciousness as the person reaches a comfortable position, followed by coming awake acting completely sober with no smell of alcohol and deceptively normal behavior.
As it has a short half life with both stimulant and depressant effects, detection is extremely difficult, if not impossible in some cases. If the user shows no symptoms of use for 30-45 minutes since first confronted, it is probably best to trust them. Most drug tests do not test for GHB as after about 6 hours it becomes negligible if the amount found in blood is natural.
Novice Detection:
Goofiness, giggly attitude, ecstasy-like behavior, slow speech, drinking liquid from a bottle cap rather than the bottle, Uncoordinated movements with a deceptively normal thought process.
Higher levels of detection:
Horizontal gaze Nyzagmus, Teetering in a standing position, Relaxed facial muscles, Uncontrollable laughter, Short term memory loss, Confusion, Slurred speech, Excited-Euphoric behavior without muscular contractions similar to stimulants, Random contractions of ligaments(wiggling fingers, toes, relaxed fidgeting.).
Nyzagmus and facial muscle relaxation is probably the fastest way to detect use. High doses of GHB can be similar to the "eye wiggles" of ecstasy in which the user goes cross-eyed.
Case scenario where GHB use is a high probability:
HGN
Stumbling, uncoordinated movements
Drunk behavior with clearer memory, more energy and better capability of speech
No smell of alcohol
Falling asleep and becoming conscious with a burst of energy
Drinking from a bottle cap
Goofiness
Mood swings every 2 hours. Usually either from relaxed to paranoid or relaxed to irritable.
VI. Terms
Cap: A single hit of GHB. Typically a 6-ml bottle cap. Approx. 1.5g. Stronger concentrations exist, but GHB is not always something you want to have to dose with a calibrated oral syringe...
G-ing out, G-Hole or Carp: The state of overdosing on G and falling asleep uncontrollably. Ex: "Dude I was at my friends house and I couldn't feel the G so I took another cap and started feeling tired. I sat down and suddenly woke up 3 hours later. I totally carped out."
G-Tard: Someone who really really likes GHB.
Dopamine Rebound: The effect that happens after exogenous GHB begins to finish its metabolization and is in lower concentrations, thus activating its stimulant effects. Dopamine rebound is a reversal of dopamine inhibition into dopamine release, which can be either enjoyable or unpleasant depending on how long it has been used, the dose and if a stimulant is present. Dopamine rebound can cause a heightening of blood pressure and tatchycardia as well as irritability and anxiety.
(...To be Continued)
(Common: NaGHB, MgGHB, CaGHB, KGHB)
(Sodium is most common.)
I. Basics
II. Verbal Summary
III. Lethality
IV. Long term Physiological Health Risks
V. Detection
VI. Terms
I. Basics
Street Names: GHB, G, Georgia Homeboy, Liquid Ecstasy, Water, (Typically any name with "G" emphasized at the beginning like Gina.)
Pharmaceutical: Xyrem (Sodium Oxybate) owned by, Jazz Pharmaceuticals
Classification: Depressant(70/100), Stimulant (20/100), Dissociative(10/100)[Ratios made based on author's opinion.]
Recreational Dose: .5g-2g
Medicinal Dose: 4.5g
Estimated lasting time: 2-6hours (Average around 2 1/2 to 3 hours.)
Half Life: 30 minutes to 1 hour.
Toxic Metabolites: No.
Addiction Potential: Medium
Precursor Prodrug: Gammabutyrolactone
Street Names: GBL, Lactone, Lac
Use: Industrial Solvent, also a psychoactive drug.
Doseage: .5 - 1.5g
Medicinal Dose: None
Lasting time: Slightly less than GHB
Toxic metabolites: Yes.
II. Verbal Summary: GHB is a powerful CNS depressant drug in which targets both GABA-B and the GHB receptor. It is created by the body naturally and is difficult to detect as it clears from urine tests very fast. (No longer than 24-hours)
GHB has a steep dosing curve in which implies its recreational dose and overdose are tied closely together. GHB overdose results in a rapid, uncontrollable loss of consciousness in which anti-drug campaigns used to coin it as a date-rape drug. However, it is best described as Liquid Ecstasy as it is possibly the most euphoric of the GABA-ergic drug family.
Because of its difficulty dosing, drug abusers are forced to stick to a single doseage(Far from a lethal dose) rather than rapidly chase a high. GHB has dozens of medicinal uses. Its effects are closest to alcohol or barbiturates, however its mind altering effects on cognition and memory are arguably, substantially less.
III. Lethality
GHB's individual Lethal dose is unknown as GHB helps transport and store oxygen to organs even in cases of deep respiratory depression. It is often said by experts that many of the GHB-death horror stories are either myths or the result of a poly-drug overdose. GHB overdose is fairly easy to fall into and even though lethal doses are very far from an overdose, unconsciousness can result in asphyxiation from vomiting or bad positioning. If you suspect a person has swallowed a lethal dose of GHB: has dangerously slow, shallow breathing, a slow pulse and cannot be awoken, call 9-11 immediately. If the person has consumed any Depressant: GABA-ergic (Alcohol, Benzos, Barbiturates, Z-drugs) or Opiates then they are at a great risk of cardio-respiratory arrest and death. Only an idiot would consume another depressant with GHB.
IV. Long-Term Physiological Health Risks
Addiction is the largest health risk in association with GHB use among healthy young adults. Its short half life and euphoric effects become compulsive and without the side effects of alcohol, it can be deceptively easy to use for months. Abuse of its sodium base can result in an off-set of electrolyte levels which can result in weakening of the heart, increased blood pressure, tatchycardia and kidney damage (Due to dangerously high daily sodium intake). It is best to make sure to take potassium, magnesium and drink plenty of water while using NaGHB(Salty).
V. Detection
GHB is a clear oily liquid with a mild chemical smell. It is most often EXTREMELY salty in taste and can be repulsive to most people. GHB is carried in bottles and nearly impossible to differentiate from water unless shaken (Revealing its different viscosity). If your drink has been left unwatched and once re-consumed, tastes saltier than normal, find a friend to watch after you and leave the setting. Fortunately the amount needed to "Date rape" someone is high enough to easily detect based on taste alone.
A) Use Detection (DO NOT GET IN THE CAR OF A GHB INTOXICATED DRIVER.) (This is intended to save people from G-intoxicated drivers. Unconsciousness at the wheel will result in a wreck.)
GHB use can vary wildly. The easiest sign of use is a sudden loss of consciousness as the person reaches a comfortable position, followed by coming awake acting completely sober with no smell of alcohol and deceptively normal behavior.
As it has a short half life with both stimulant and depressant effects, detection is extremely difficult, if not impossible in some cases. If the user shows no symptoms of use for 30-45 minutes since first confronted, it is probably best to trust them. Most drug tests do not test for GHB as after about 6 hours it becomes negligible if the amount found in blood is natural.
Novice Detection:
Goofiness, giggly attitude, ecstasy-like behavior, slow speech, drinking liquid from a bottle cap rather than the bottle, Uncoordinated movements with a deceptively normal thought process.
Higher levels of detection:
Horizontal gaze Nyzagmus, Teetering in a standing position, Relaxed facial muscles, Uncontrollable laughter, Short term memory loss, Confusion, Slurred speech, Excited-Euphoric behavior without muscular contractions similar to stimulants, Random contractions of ligaments(wiggling fingers, toes, relaxed fidgeting.).
Nyzagmus and facial muscle relaxation is probably the fastest way to detect use. High doses of GHB can be similar to the "eye wiggles" of ecstasy in which the user goes cross-eyed.
Case scenario where GHB use is a high probability:
HGN
Stumbling, uncoordinated movements
Drunk behavior with clearer memory, more energy and better capability of speech
No smell of alcohol
Falling asleep and becoming conscious with a burst of energy
Drinking from a bottle cap
Goofiness
Mood swings every 2 hours. Usually either from relaxed to paranoid or relaxed to irritable.
VI. Terms
Cap: A single hit of GHB. Typically a 6-ml bottle cap. Approx. 1.5g. Stronger concentrations exist, but GHB is not always something you want to have to dose with a calibrated oral syringe...
G-ing out, G-Hole or Carp: The state of overdosing on G and falling asleep uncontrollably. Ex: "Dude I was at my friends house and I couldn't feel the G so I took another cap and started feeling tired. I sat down and suddenly woke up 3 hours later. I totally carped out."
G-Tard: Someone who really really likes GHB.
Dopamine Rebound: The effect that happens after exogenous GHB begins to finish its metabolization and is in lower concentrations, thus activating its stimulant effects. Dopamine rebound is a reversal of dopamine inhibition into dopamine release, which can be either enjoyable or unpleasant depending on how long it has been used, the dose and if a stimulant is present. Dopamine rebound can cause a heightening of blood pressure and tatchycardia as well as irritability and anxiety.
(...To be Continued)
I'm overwhelmed with everything and second guessing my decisions.
About 3 monta ago I moved in with a family member and am renting a room in their house. Now I'm getting the urge to move to the Midwest and have my own place. It makes me wonder if I even did the right thing in the first place. Did I waste my money when I should have been saving it for what I really want? Did I just settle so I could get out of my current living state - with my parents? I don't know. I'm overwhelmed with everything and second guessing my decisions. In know its not a good outlook to have, but I can't shake the feeling.
Every day I feel like I just screw up my life more and more. I need a new start.
About 3 monta ago I moved in with a family member and am renting a room in their house. Now I'm getting the urge to move to the Midwest and have my own place. It makes me wonder if I even did the right thing in the first place. Did I waste my money when I should have been saving it for what I really want? Did I just settle so I could get out of my current living state - with my parents? I don't know. I'm overwhelmed with everything and second guessing my decisions. In know its not a good outlook to have, but I can't shake the feeling.
Every day I feel like I just screw up my life more and more. I need a new start.
Seeing as how it is December 11th, and I haven't booked a flight home to the Philippines, I will be spending the Holiday Season here in the States. When I was younger I used to imagine that people in New York became gentler and kinder at this time of year. I love cold weather and although I am a Jew who doesn't give a flying fuck about a pagan solstice celebration wrapped in hypocritical Christian trappings I do confess to being quite partial to Xmas lights, especially the very small bulbs in pastel colours.
Of course my not returning to the Philippines means that I will not be able to join Mariz and her family on their big trip to Bataan Province to meet both sides of her extended family. Mariz's father, the pastor, is especially upset because he has been trying to chat me up about buying a house in their ancestral village. Bataan is only an hour and a half north of Metro Manila. As such real estate is extremely expencive. Her father tried to talk to me about buying a lot for P3 Million ($66,000) for a half a hectare (less than an acre). Compared to Mindanao it is a fortune and a half. Failing to kindle my interest he has now zeroed in on a 400 square meters lot and simple block house for P1 Million ($22,000). Never mind that Inot even sure about a future with Mariz, let alone shacking up with her parents and siblings- because that IS why the pastor is so keen on chatting about real estate- but I need at least 2 hectares.
IF I ever leave Mindanao I aim to build a commercial hog farm, or in Filipino English, a "piggery," with a smaller goat operation. Land in Bataan is out of the question. I mentioned Palawan to the pastor since the family had spent 4 years there, leaving in 2005. Palawan is a very long island that lies between Luzon, the island upon which Manila sits, and Mainland Malaysia. The offshore islands off the southern tip are Muslim but the populated environs on Palawan proper are dominated by Mariz's ethnicity, Tagalogs. Palawan is what Mindanao was say 30 years ago. Much of it is uncharted. There are conceivably uncontacted tribes in the interior rainforests apart from stone aged tribes already known to outsiders.
The huge advantage over Mindanao is that there is no insurgencies to deal with. The NPA, or New People's Army as the Maoists are known, barely supports a single "Front" (30 guerilla regulars) on the entire island. On the downside is it is rife with a form of malaria that kills within a month in many cases. I take anti-malarials on Mindanao but the island only has the chronic forms, not that carrying that shit for a year and a half is any less painful, just that you will probably not be killed by it.
Speaking of Mindanao, aside from the endemic violence which is now through the roof as the country gears up for elections in May of 2013, the island was broadsided by a typhoon last week that killed at least 1,200. It is interesting that I was able to witness Americans shitting on themselves over Hurricane Sandy. A woman on Staten Island (1 of New York City's 5 boros) tried- stupidly- to drive to Brooklyn to double up with her mum as that storm made landfall. With her 2 toddlers strapped into car seats she drove into a flooded street and the car's engine died. Grabbing her children this dummy then tried to look for some help. Sadly flood waters overcame her and first one child and then the other were swept away and drowned. This tragedy inspired President Obama to gran some photo opportunities as he hugged her and consoled her. Actually he should have had her hogtied and whipped for being so fucking negligent but that is America for you.
Seeing how Americans flip out when anything mildly threatens their luxurious day to day existence I can only shrug my shoulders as I think about a platoon from the 66IB on Mindanao being buried under tonnes of mud as they embarked on a search and rescue mission trying to assist the thousands of injured civiliains in ComVal (Compostela Valley Province). Imagine if an American National Guard platoon was wiped out during Hurricane Sandy? Life is very cheap if you aren't white. THAT is the truth of the matter.
Some readers may recall how we lent our heavy equipment during a mud slide last year. The platoon was killed on the next ridge. I never posted about it but yet another mud slide took place there in between the one I DID write about and this current incident. People are so hungry for gold that they tunnel through ridges like termites and end up weakening literally kilometers of denuded slopes. Each time one of those ridhges slide dozens die.
It is strange that a typhoon even touched Mindanao but downright bizarre that it was the 2nd one to do so this season. Both have been catastrophic. Mindanao is subject to just about any fucked up thing you could imagine: volcanoes, tsunamis, earthquakes scoring at least 5 on the Richter at least once each month, malaria, Dengue, cholera, even fucken Ebola! It has 7 insurgencies, rampant kidnapping, narco-terrorism, political violence, yada, yada and fucken yada. One thing it has heretofore been exempt from though has been typhoons since it sits well out of the typhoon belt. Guess weather patterns are shifting radically though I don't neccessarily suscribe to the "Global Warming" hypothesis. I'm still considering that issue.
Whatever the reason, people on Mindanao are suffering once again. Most of the Philippines knows nothing about the island but this latest typhoon has put it in the forefront of Filipino consciousness. Mariz, bless her heart, was in tears seeing a little boy orphaned AND crippled by the storm. In the Philippines, where you cannot see a doctor without cash up front, he is destined for a horrid existence. Mariz went up a notch in my estimation when she said that she wanted to adopt a child like that. Adoption is extremely rare in the country with most people ignoring children in need. You see people spitting on homeless children as they huff Rugby (rubber cement) on street corners.
Of course my not returning to the Philippines means that I will not be able to join Mariz and her family on their big trip to Bataan Province to meet both sides of her extended family. Mariz's father, the pastor, is especially upset because he has been trying to chat me up about buying a house in their ancestral village. Bataan is only an hour and a half north of Metro Manila. As such real estate is extremely expencive. Her father tried to talk to me about buying a lot for P3 Million ($66,000) for a half a hectare (less than an acre). Compared to Mindanao it is a fortune and a half. Failing to kindle my interest he has now zeroed in on a 400 square meters lot and simple block house for P1 Million ($22,000). Never mind that Inot even sure about a future with Mariz, let alone shacking up with her parents and siblings- because that IS why the pastor is so keen on chatting about real estate- but I need at least 2 hectares.
IF I ever leave Mindanao I aim to build a commercial hog farm, or in Filipino English, a "piggery," with a smaller goat operation. Land in Bataan is out of the question. I mentioned Palawan to the pastor since the family had spent 4 years there, leaving in 2005. Palawan is a very long island that lies between Luzon, the island upon which Manila sits, and Mainland Malaysia. The offshore islands off the southern tip are Muslim but the populated environs on Palawan proper are dominated by Mariz's ethnicity, Tagalogs. Palawan is what Mindanao was say 30 years ago. Much of it is uncharted. There are conceivably uncontacted tribes in the interior rainforests apart from stone aged tribes already known to outsiders.
The huge advantage over Mindanao is that there is no insurgencies to deal with. The NPA, or New People's Army as the Maoists are known, barely supports a single "Front" (30 guerilla regulars) on the entire island. On the downside is it is rife with a form of malaria that kills within a month in many cases. I take anti-malarials on Mindanao but the island only has the chronic forms, not that carrying that shit for a year and a half is any less painful, just that you will probably not be killed by it.
Speaking of Mindanao, aside from the endemic violence which is now through the roof as the country gears up for elections in May of 2013, the island was broadsided by a typhoon last week that killed at least 1,200. It is interesting that I was able to witness Americans shitting on themselves over Hurricane Sandy. A woman on Staten Island (1 of New York City's 5 boros) tried- stupidly- to drive to Brooklyn to double up with her mum as that storm made landfall. With her 2 toddlers strapped into car seats she drove into a flooded street and the car's engine died. Grabbing her children this dummy then tried to look for some help. Sadly flood waters overcame her and first one child and then the other were swept away and drowned. This tragedy inspired President Obama to gran some photo opportunities as he hugged her and consoled her. Actually he should have had her hogtied and whipped for being so fucking negligent but that is America for you.
Seeing how Americans flip out when anything mildly threatens their luxurious day to day existence I can only shrug my shoulders as I think about a platoon from the 66IB on Mindanao being buried under tonnes of mud as they embarked on a search and rescue mission trying to assist the thousands of injured civiliains in ComVal (Compostela Valley Province). Imagine if an American National Guard platoon was wiped out during Hurricane Sandy? Life is very cheap if you aren't white. THAT is the truth of the matter.
Some readers may recall how we lent our heavy equipment during a mud slide last year. The platoon was killed on the next ridge. I never posted about it but yet another mud slide took place there in between the one I DID write about and this current incident. People are so hungry for gold that they tunnel through ridges like termites and end up weakening literally kilometers of denuded slopes. Each time one of those ridhges slide dozens die.
It is strange that a typhoon even touched Mindanao but downright bizarre that it was the 2nd one to do so this season. Both have been catastrophic. Mindanao is subject to just about any fucked up thing you could imagine: volcanoes, tsunamis, earthquakes scoring at least 5 on the Richter at least once each month, malaria, Dengue, cholera, even fucken Ebola! It has 7 insurgencies, rampant kidnapping, narco-terrorism, political violence, yada, yada and fucken yada. One thing it has heretofore been exempt from though has been typhoons since it sits well out of the typhoon belt. Guess weather patterns are shifting radically though I don't neccessarily suscribe to the "Global Warming" hypothesis. I'm still considering that issue.
Whatever the reason, people on Mindanao are suffering once again. Most of the Philippines knows nothing about the island but this latest typhoon has put it in the forefront of Filipino consciousness. Mariz, bless her heart, was in tears seeing a little boy orphaned AND crippled by the storm. In the Philippines, where you cannot see a doctor without cash up front, he is destined for a horrid existence. Mariz went up a notch in my estimation when she said that she wanted to adopt a child like that. Adoption is extremely rare in the country with most people ignoring children in need. You see people spitting on homeless children as they huff Rugby (rubber cement) on street corners.
Alright so I have some free time on my hands so I thought that it might be a good idea to talk about what I have been getting into since the Inhalant Abuse blog I posted a few months back. Well I’ll start with my drug use. It has gone down significantly as I have been taking my medication daily since then. I also noticed on the Paxil it says “do not drink alcoholic beverages when taking this medication”. So I actually haven’t had a sip of alcohol since I left the mental hospital. The only drug I have done is marijuana or actually hash. It is amazing btw it has the flavor of vanilla and peppermint. I guess it’s the time of year.
Otherwise my life has been going pretty well. Things and my girlfriend are great and right where they are supposed to be. My other girlfriends are fine and really there has not been any fighting which there usually isn’t any from my side at least. I passed my switching test thank god. I had been studying off and on for over a year. I was thinking about my score which was 80.4 with the passing score 79.0. I think I may have damaged the machine while taking it because with one of the configuration questions I entered it so fast that information readouts started popping up every 2-3 seconds. I don’t think that should have taken place during the exam.
Either way I have already began studying for the last test in the series the “troubleshooting exam” and things are moving along. The information is the same as before but the test will be shorter and much more condensed. That makes preparing for it a bit easier. When I pass I will officially have my CCNP! As far as my hobbies are concerned I have gotten obsessed with the facility map on Goldeneye Reloaded for the ps3. It is the only map I play now with the enemies turned up to their highest levels. I also discovered a stash of documents and cookies in a torrent I downloaded like two weeks ago. I’ve been playing around with them and have come up with some pretty cool designs. I placed a few on a usb drive and entered it into the ps3 and it changed the enemies moves and tactics! Pretty cool.
I also started a blog under the pen name “suicide kills”. It is pretty interesting mostly about the current state of society from an objectionable point of view. If anyone has access to it go ahead and read it, it is well written and interesting if I do say so myself. Other than that everything is as usual. Hope everything is well in everyone’s lives. Alright I’m outie. Peace = = ฿ = ₱ = © =
Otherwise my life has been going pretty well. Things and my girlfriend are great and right where they are supposed to be. My other girlfriends are fine and really there has not been any fighting which there usually isn’t any from my side at least. I passed my switching test thank god. I had been studying off and on for over a year. I was thinking about my score which was 80.4 with the passing score 79.0. I think I may have damaged the machine while taking it because with one of the configuration questions I entered it so fast that information readouts started popping up every 2-3 seconds. I don’t think that should have taken place during the exam.
Either way I have already began studying for the last test in the series the “troubleshooting exam” and things are moving along. The information is the same as before but the test will be shorter and much more condensed. That makes preparing for it a bit easier. When I pass I will officially have my CCNP! As far as my hobbies are concerned I have gotten obsessed with the facility map on Goldeneye Reloaded for the ps3. It is the only map I play now with the enemies turned up to their highest levels. I also discovered a stash of documents and cookies in a torrent I downloaded like two weeks ago. I’ve been playing around with them and have come up with some pretty cool designs. I placed a few on a usb drive and entered it into the ps3 and it changed the enemies moves and tactics! Pretty cool.
I also started a blog under the pen name “suicide kills”. It is pretty interesting mostly about the current state of society from an objectionable point of view. If anyone has access to it go ahead and read it, it is well written and interesting if I do say so myself. Other than that everything is as usual. Hope everything is well in everyone’s lives. Alright I’m outie. Peace = = ฿ = ₱ = © =
It seems as like it was only last week when I posted about the history of Chanukkah and the symbolism behind the holiday and its customs. Since flogging dead horses is a talent of mine I thought it best to once again beat my 1.4 readers in the head (hi mum!) and explain the meaning behind the holiday.
When Alexander the Great died unexpectedly his generals fought for control over the vast empire. Eventually, 2 generals came out on top and founded dynasties that were ever after jockying for control of the Middle East. The Ptolemaic Empire was centered in Egypt, and the Seleucid Empire sat in what is now Syria. In between these 2 superpowers lay the Jewish Homeland, Judaea.
Although both empires manipulated and interfered with Judaea it was the Jews themselves who were their own worst enemy- as has always been the case. A small but vocal minority favoured Hellenisation, the adoption of Greek customs and culture. Greatly out numbered the Hellenists went into exile in Syria and agitated for Seleucid intervention in Judaea. In 167 BCE/BC the Seleucid Emperor Antiochus IV Ephianes invaded Judaea and set about Hellenising the nation and the people.
In Jerusalem, the Jews political and spiritual capital, Antiochus had the Jewish Temple re-dedicated to the Greek deity Zeus and had pigs sacrificed on its holy altar- about as huge an abomination as one could possibly imagine. This sparked a rebellion but it failed to build momentum. Next, Antiochus IV had official delegations, backed by military formations, go village to village erecting pagan altars and compelling all men to sacrifice to Greek deities.
One day a delegation entered the village of Modi'in in the so called "West Bank." As all villagers stood watching the delegation erected the altar and commanded the men to make the ritual sacrifice. As was so often the case noone complied. Finally, the delegation leader offered materiel inducements and lo and behold, 1 villager stepped forward and said he would make the sacrifice. As he said this, a village elder named Matityahu Ben Yochanan HaKohen (Matthew Son of Yohanan the Priest, usually known in English by the bastardised Greek, Matthias Ben Yohanan) stepped forward and ran his spear through him, killing him. The village men then killed every member of the delegation and its military guard before going into the hill country to join the guerillas already struggling against foreign domination.
Eventually Matityahu's 5 sons all led guerilla bands of their own and were able to consolidate control, and finally came to lead a highly organised guerilla force that liberated the capital, Jerusalem. Upon entering the Temple the priests found only a single day's allotment of holy oil. Knowing that it would take a month to prepare a sufficient supply, the priests gathered the throngs of celebrants and directed their prayers towards rectifying this shortage. Lo and behold, the priests were able to manufacture the oil in only 8 days time instead of the predicted month. More over, the single day's allotment lasted a full 8 days so that there was always sufficient oil in the Temple.
The name of the holiday, Chanukkah (Chah-noo-Kah, with the "ch" being guttural as in the German "nicht"), means "Re-dedication," to commemorate the re-sanctification of the Temple after it had been blasphemed by worshippers of Zeus. The 9 sticked candelabrum has a candle for each of the 8 days that the oil lasted, plus a 9th candle to light each of the other 8. The holiday teaches Jews about the dangers of assimilation, of trying to cater to non-Jewish tastes and values. Ironically, in the West many Jews have adopted Christian trappings in giving gifts, some even having a tree. These things make traditionalists such as myself naseous.
It is a time to party, to get high and gamble, and to enjoy festive foods. My favourite Chanukkah food is "sufigyot," freshly fried jelly donuts. I don't drink alcohol (like a fair number of Jews I have a genetic condition that inhibits the metabolisation of alcofol sugara and it causes extreme pain in my GI tract. Anyway, that is why G-D gave us hashish bwaaaahaha.
When Alexander the Great died unexpectedly his generals fought for control over the vast empire. Eventually, 2 generals came out on top and founded dynasties that were ever after jockying for control of the Middle East. The Ptolemaic Empire was centered in Egypt, and the Seleucid Empire sat in what is now Syria. In between these 2 superpowers lay the Jewish Homeland, Judaea.
Although both empires manipulated and interfered with Judaea it was the Jews themselves who were their own worst enemy- as has always been the case. A small but vocal minority favoured Hellenisation, the adoption of Greek customs and culture. Greatly out numbered the Hellenists went into exile in Syria and agitated for Seleucid intervention in Judaea. In 167 BCE/BC the Seleucid Emperor Antiochus IV Ephianes invaded Judaea and set about Hellenising the nation and the people.
In Jerusalem, the Jews political and spiritual capital, Antiochus had the Jewish Temple re-dedicated to the Greek deity Zeus and had pigs sacrificed on its holy altar- about as huge an abomination as one could possibly imagine. This sparked a rebellion but it failed to build momentum. Next, Antiochus IV had official delegations, backed by military formations, go village to village erecting pagan altars and compelling all men to sacrifice to Greek deities.
One day a delegation entered the village of Modi'in in the so called "West Bank." As all villagers stood watching the delegation erected the altar and commanded the men to make the ritual sacrifice. As was so often the case noone complied. Finally, the delegation leader offered materiel inducements and lo and behold, 1 villager stepped forward and said he would make the sacrifice. As he said this, a village elder named Matityahu Ben Yochanan HaKohen (Matthew Son of Yohanan the Priest, usually known in English by the bastardised Greek, Matthias Ben Yohanan) stepped forward and ran his spear through him, killing him. The village men then killed every member of the delegation and its military guard before going into the hill country to join the guerillas already struggling against foreign domination.
Eventually Matityahu's 5 sons all led guerilla bands of their own and were able to consolidate control, and finally came to lead a highly organised guerilla force that liberated the capital, Jerusalem. Upon entering the Temple the priests found only a single day's allotment of holy oil. Knowing that it would take a month to prepare a sufficient supply, the priests gathered the throngs of celebrants and directed their prayers towards rectifying this shortage. Lo and behold, the priests were able to manufacture the oil in only 8 days time instead of the predicted month. More over, the single day's allotment lasted a full 8 days so that there was always sufficient oil in the Temple.
The name of the holiday, Chanukkah (Chah-noo-Kah, with the "ch" being guttural as in the German "nicht"), means "Re-dedication," to commemorate the re-sanctification of the Temple after it had been blasphemed by worshippers of Zeus. The 9 sticked candelabrum has a candle for each of the 8 days that the oil lasted, plus a 9th candle to light each of the other 8. The holiday teaches Jews about the dangers of assimilation, of trying to cater to non-Jewish tastes and values. Ironically, in the West many Jews have adopted Christian trappings in giving gifts, some even having a tree. These things make traditionalists such as myself naseous.
It is a time to party, to get high and gamble, and to enjoy festive foods. My favourite Chanukkah food is "sufigyot," freshly fried jelly donuts. I don't drink alcohol (like a fair number of Jews I have a genetic condition that inhibits the metabolisation of alcofol sugara and it causes extreme pain in my GI tract. Anyway, that is why G-D gave us hashish bwaaaahaha.
I don't like how I feel, and I don't remember what it's like to wake up and be happy; really, actually happy. As in, not remembering all the things I wish didn't exist, or hadn't happened.
Or wanting more drugs.
Or wanting more drugs.
I wonder when I'll die sometimes. I do alot of over the counter drugs because it passes the time. I don't have the motivation to get a job, and I feel weak for thinking about quitting.
I just want to be happy
I just want to be happy
Hi, my name is: Mariposa
Never in my life have I been: able to eat ketchup
The one person who can drive me nuts is: My father
High school was: fun
When I'm nervous: I cry
The last time I cried was: Yesterday.
If I were to get married right now my maid of honor would be: my cousin
My hair is: frizzy
When I was 10: I got my period for the first time.
Last Christmas: I spotted my bestie a hundred bills for his smack habit. I don't use.
I should be: rewriting tax code
When I look down I see: My comforter and my laptop
The happiest recent event was: I got 100% on my most recent exam?
If I were a character on 'That 70's Show' I'd be: stoned
By this time next year: I would like a sweet boyfriend who respects me and is not bipolar.
My current gripe is: Money.
I have a hard time understanding: Ignorance.
There's this girl I know that: fucked me over in true social climber's form. You'll get it someday, bitch.
You know I like you when: I hold you gently and snuggle against you.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: My dad!
Take my advice: become addicted to reading!
Something that I really want to buy is: My own house.
If you visited the place I was born: you wouldn't. It kinda got annihilated in Katrina.
I plan to visit: Next trip is to Vancouver, BC. After that, Anchorage, Alaska. I am making my way northwards. My family is going to be pissed.
If you spend the night at my house: You'll get to sleep in one of 3 bedrooms, one of which is mine. And you must love dogs because there are now four and about to be five when my husky is returned.
I'd stop my wedding if: I already stopped my own wedding, and the hideous cake topper dress is up for sale. It's gorgeous if you like that sort of thing. I rid myself of my homophobic former fiance before the altar because he said he wouldn't get married in a place where 'fags' get married. It's called San Francisco City Hall, and I'm not getting married anywhere but there. I love my city and I will pledge my life to my future husband there or not at all.
The world could do without: Stupidity.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Eat ketchup.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: A tank of gasoline.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: I'm not allowed to know what's in the present under the tree with my name on it!
My favorite blonde is: Myself.
My favorite brunette is: My housemate. She shares a name with one of our admins!
My favorite redhead is: Kyley.
My middle name is: Jessica.
This morning I: woke up and had a Diet Coke.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: Huskies.
Once, at a bar: I got roofied.
Last night I was: studying and then I went to sleep.
There's this guy I know who: sells dope to kids?
I don't know: the meaning of life.
A better name for me would be: Mariposa
Tomorrow I am: painting a house.
Tonight I am: painting a house.
My birthday is: the day before the worst deadline ever, it's also the day Lincoln was assassinated and the Titanic sank.
What I really wanted for Valentine's Day was: not having to pay for anything, because my dude was broke.
I can sing: I can!
I like a guy named: Thomas or William.
My best friend's name: Brucelighter, my esteemed father.
Never in my life have I been: able to eat ketchup
The one person who can drive me nuts is: My father
High school was: fun
When I'm nervous: I cry
The last time I cried was: Yesterday.
If I were to get married right now my maid of honor would be: my cousin
My hair is: frizzy
When I was 10: I got my period for the first time.
Last Christmas: I spotted my bestie a hundred bills for his smack habit. I don't use.
I should be: rewriting tax code
When I look down I see: My comforter and my laptop
The happiest recent event was: I got 100% on my most recent exam?
If I were a character on 'That 70's Show' I'd be: stoned
By this time next year: I would like a sweet boyfriend who respects me and is not bipolar.
My current gripe is: Money.
I have a hard time understanding: Ignorance.
There's this girl I know that: fucked me over in true social climber's form. You'll get it someday, bitch.
You know I like you when: I hold you gently and snuggle against you.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: My dad!
Take my advice: become addicted to reading!
Something that I really want to buy is: My own house.
If you visited the place I was born: you wouldn't. It kinda got annihilated in Katrina.
I plan to visit: Next trip is to Vancouver, BC. After that, Anchorage, Alaska. I am making my way northwards. My family is going to be pissed.
If you spend the night at my house: You'll get to sleep in one of 3 bedrooms, one of which is mine. And you must love dogs because there are now four and about to be five when my husky is returned.
I'd stop my wedding if: I already stopped my own wedding, and the hideous cake topper dress is up for sale. It's gorgeous if you like that sort of thing. I rid myself of my homophobic former fiance before the altar because he said he wouldn't get married in a place where 'fags' get married. It's called San Francisco City Hall, and I'm not getting married anywhere but there. I love my city and I will pledge my life to my future husband there or not at all.
The world could do without: Stupidity.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Eat ketchup.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: A tank of gasoline.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: I'm not allowed to know what's in the present under the tree with my name on it!
My favorite blonde is: Myself.
My favorite brunette is: My housemate. She shares a name with one of our admins!
My favorite redhead is: Kyley.
My middle name is: Jessica.
This morning I: woke up and had a Diet Coke.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: Huskies.
Once, at a bar: I got roofied.
Last night I was: studying and then I went to sleep.
There's this guy I know who: sells dope to kids?
I don't know: the meaning of life.
A better name for me would be: Mariposa
Tomorrow I am: painting a house.
Tonight I am: painting a house.
My birthday is: the day before the worst deadline ever, it's also the day Lincoln was assassinated and the Titanic sank.
What I really wanted for Valentine's Day was: not having to pay for anything, because my dude was broke.
I can sing: I can!
I like a guy named: Thomas or William.
My best friend's name: Brucelighter, my esteemed father.
I've done a lot of self evaluation lately and have come to a lot of positive realizations I think.
Relationships aren't everything. Although what we had for 4 1/2 years was real, we were in two different places in life. I can't ever be with him again because a part of me will always resent him for what he did to me. Ill never be able to let go. Ill never be part of his family. It's something that's important to me and he doesn't view it that way. I'm not speaking to him anymore. It hurts me but its the way it needs to be...
I can't live here anymore. I hate the east coast. The north east. The drugs, the people, the weather...there's nowhere around here to run. I fantasize about packing up my car and just driving until I find somewhere that feels right. I have money saved, so I technically could, I just don't know if I could leave my job and school. Of course, I could always start fresh, since that is the point after all. I can't stand to be here anymore. Every turn brings me anxiety because every corner is lurking with bad memories.
My opiate addiction has gotten way out of fucking control. I never thought I'd be at this point. Isn't that what we all say?
Relationships aren't everything. Although what we had for 4 1/2 years was real, we were in two different places in life. I can't ever be with him again because a part of me will always resent him for what he did to me. Ill never be able to let go. Ill never be part of his family. It's something that's important to me and he doesn't view it that way. I'm not speaking to him anymore. It hurts me but its the way it needs to be...
I can't live here anymore. I hate the east coast. The north east. The drugs, the people, the weather...there's nowhere around here to run. I fantasize about packing up my car and just driving until I find somewhere that feels right. I have money saved, so I technically could, I just don't know if I could leave my job and school. Of course, I could always start fresh, since that is the point after all. I can't stand to be here anymore. Every turn brings me anxiety because every corner is lurking with bad memories.
My opiate addiction has gotten way out of fucking control. I never thought I'd be at this point. Isn't that what we all say?
Hi, my name is: Heather
Never in my life have I been: Truly happy
The one person who can drive me nuts is: My ex
High school was: Horrible
When I'm nervous: I take Xanax.
The last time I cried was: Yesterday.
If I were to get married right now my maid of honor would be: I wouldn't have one, I don't have enough friends.
My hair is: Long.
When I was 10: I started to realize I wasn't "normal".
Last Christmas: I was alone.
I should be: Doing errands before work.
When I look down I see: My phone keypad.
The happiest recent event was: Good question...
If I were a character on 'That 70's Show' I'd be: Never watched it.
By this time next year: I hope I'm happy.
My current gripe is: Life.
I have a hard time understanding: Ignorance.
There's this girl I know that: Fooled around with my (now) ex boyfriend while we were together.
You know I like you when: I make time for you.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Mom.
Take my advice: Educate yourself.
Something that I really want to buy is: A house halfway across the country.
If you visited the place I was born: you would be unimpressed.
I plan to visit: Anywhere I dream.
If you spend the night at my house: You better not be allergic to cats.
I'd stop my wedding if: I caught him with his pants at his ankles, in the act, cheating on me.
The world could do without: Ignorant people.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Work.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: Lotion.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: Food.
My favorite blonde is: Don't know.
My favorite brunette is: Mom.
My favorite redhead is: I don't know.
My middle name is: ---
This morning I: did nothing.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: Pigs.
Once, at a bar: I punched a chick in the face and broke her nose.
Last night I was: asleep.
There's this guy I know who: hurt me bad.
I don't know: why I'm here.
A better name for me would be: Bitch.
Tomorrow I am: working.
Tonight I am: working.
My birthday is: in the sprint b
What I really wanted for Valentine's Day was: fuck that.
I can sing: country music well b
I like a guy named: Ben.
My best friend's name: --
Never in my life have I been: Truly happy
The one person who can drive me nuts is: My ex
High school was: Horrible
When I'm nervous: I take Xanax.
The last time I cried was: Yesterday.
If I were to get married right now my maid of honor would be: I wouldn't have one, I don't have enough friends.
My hair is: Long.
When I was 10: I started to realize I wasn't "normal".
Last Christmas: I was alone.
I should be: Doing errands before work.
When I look down I see: My phone keypad.
The happiest recent event was: Good question...
If I were a character on 'That 70's Show' I'd be: Never watched it.
By this time next year: I hope I'm happy.
My current gripe is: Life.
I have a hard time understanding: Ignorance.
There's this girl I know that: Fooled around with my (now) ex boyfriend while we were together.
You know I like you when: I make time for you.
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: Mom.
Take my advice: Educate yourself.
Something that I really want to buy is: A house halfway across the country.
If you visited the place I was born: you would be unimpressed.
I plan to visit: Anywhere I dream.
If you spend the night at my house: You better not be allergic to cats.
I'd stop my wedding if: I caught him with his pants at his ankles, in the act, cheating on me.
The world could do without: Ignorant people.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Work.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: Lotion.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: Food.
My favorite blonde is: Don't know.
My favorite brunette is: Mom.
My favorite redhead is: I don't know.
My middle name is: ---
This morning I: did nothing.
The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: Pigs.
Once, at a bar: I punched a chick in the face and broke her nose.
Last night I was: asleep.
There's this guy I know who: hurt me bad.
I don't know: why I'm here.
A better name for me would be: Bitch.
Tomorrow I am: working.
Tonight I am: working.
My birthday is: in the sprint b
What I really wanted for Valentine's Day was: fuck that.
I can sing: country music well b
I like a guy named: Ben.
My best friend's name: --
Apparently there is some merit in being vulnerable so i put myself on the line today but as expected got shut down. So annoyed at myself. What am I playing at here? What am I trying to achieve?
Felt good knowing you are okay but you dont even reciprocate the question - would it kill you to ask ME how I am? Perhaps you don't care. It really does not matter. I don't want you but I want you to want me. How fucked up is that.
Maybe I should heed my own advice and stay away from you. The attraction I feel cannot be good for me at the moment. I need to clear my head and you are like smoke atm. You permeate every part of my mind. Never has anyone had this effect on me, it is intoxicating.
Felt good knowing you are okay but you dont even reciprocate the question - would it kill you to ask ME how I am? Perhaps you don't care. It really does not matter. I don't want you but I want you to want me. How fucked up is that.
Maybe I should heed my own advice and stay away from you. The attraction I feel cannot be good for me at the moment. I need to clear my head and you are like smoke atm. You permeate every part of my mind. Never has anyone had this effect on me, it is intoxicating.
well, here i am again..placed in the same situation.
Long story short, i've been living with this chick for nearly 3 months, things were going alright at first, i would work, then go to 'her apt' to sleep, well guess after me doing this for awhile she was kind of getting confused. she was thinking more along the lines of having a relationship with me while i'm living there. since knowing the details of this, i lost my spark in spending time with her, we still talked, only over text or facebook because id come home late(shed be asleep) and has to work in the morning and i'd be asleep(on the couch) so we would never interact much. This started going on the past few weeks, and didn't change much. until the other day when she sent me a text asking if we had time to talk. she texted me saying that the ppl that run the apt that where she lives had called her and told her that they didn't know someone else(me)was living with her, and told her that she has 30days to resolve this or they would evict her. don't really know if she's bullshitting with me about this, or if she's telling the truth. well thats not the point..
the point is i'm out a place to stay again, so i'll be back homeless. fucking hate this shit.
there is some hope, a friend of mine mentioned something about cleaning out a messy room in his basement and let me stay with him. the thing is that the room is messy as fuck, and has a black mold problem, not only that but needs some drywall work. so i'm thinking, i can clean out that room, try and fix things up and make it living able, and go with it. all my friend mentioned was helping to pay for some of the utilities. whcih i can do, i work full time.
i really hope things work out for me,i don't know if i'm 100% about this,my friend was on stimulants when he told me this, i hope he's faithful to his word.
i really hope and pray that this will work out..That i don't wait for the last minute to think of something to do..
since i work with my friend, and have some $ now, maybe i can talk to him about if i pay him some $ for 'rent' to stay on his couch or something until i get the other room cleaned up? he knows i work prettymuch fulltime and would be a good way to help carpool eachother to and from from work.
(i'm writing this inside a mc donalds..)
well lets see what happens next?
Long story short, i've been living with this chick for nearly 3 months, things were going alright at first, i would work, then go to 'her apt' to sleep, well guess after me doing this for awhile she was kind of getting confused. she was thinking more along the lines of having a relationship with me while i'm living there. since knowing the details of this, i lost my spark in spending time with her, we still talked, only over text or facebook because id come home late(shed be asleep) and has to work in the morning and i'd be asleep(on the couch) so we would never interact much. This started going on the past few weeks, and didn't change much. until the other day when she sent me a text asking if we had time to talk. she texted me saying that the ppl that run the apt that where she lives had called her and told her that they didn't know someone else(me)was living with her, and told her that she has 30days to resolve this or they would evict her. don't really know if she's bullshitting with me about this, or if she's telling the truth. well thats not the point..
the point is i'm out a place to stay again, so i'll be back homeless. fucking hate this shit.
there is some hope, a friend of mine mentioned something about cleaning out a messy room in his basement and let me stay with him. the thing is that the room is messy as fuck, and has a black mold problem, not only that but needs some drywall work. so i'm thinking, i can clean out that room, try and fix things up and make it living able, and go with it. all my friend mentioned was helping to pay for some of the utilities. whcih i can do, i work full time.
i really hope things work out for me,i don't know if i'm 100% about this,my friend was on stimulants when he told me this, i hope he's faithful to his word.
i really hope and pray that this will work out..That i don't wait for the last minute to think of something to do..
since i work with my friend, and have some $ now, maybe i can talk to him about if i pay him some $ for 'rent' to stay on his couch or something until i get the other room cleaned up? he knows i work prettymuch fulltime and would be a good way to help carpool eachother to and from from work.
(i'm writing this inside a mc donalds..)
well lets see what happens next?
By the skin of my teeth and through sheer wit.
And I have an underground blog getting passed around.
Read it and weep
And I have an underground blog getting passed around.
Read it and weep
New dumping ground for prohibition-related writings.
For those unfamiliar, Zhenli is someone worth googling; it is not as simple as that^.
Zhenli owned unimed(amongst other pharm co's), and imported pseudo into mexico with gov sanction until '05. The charges he faces are that he had a shipment afterwards. Now, while you probably didn't remember his name, you probably remember the pic of some of the cash found at his mansion:
Wondering why a "meth lord" was keeping ~$200M+ in his personal mansion? Me too; not really in keeping with someone who considers the $$ to be contraband... Zhenli claims that ~$50M of it is his, the rest is $ he was safeguarding for/at the instruction of Calderon's party(PAN). Not surprisingly, this has been dismissed as nonsense by president calderon (the majority of mexicans *do not* side with their government in this case, which is a large media topic in mexico. "I believe the Chinaman" or something like that (lol) bumper stickers are a common sight)
Zhenli intended to seek political asylum in the US, and was with his (wife? friend? meh) eating near a mall (no hiding, no bodyguards) when 7-8 DEA agents came in and escorted him out.
The US DOJ (not Zhenli or his lawyers) filed motion to dismiss the case in june'09, citing Mexico's interests as well as evidentiary concerns. The case was dismissed(with predjudice) in august'09, and he's awaiting what he fears- extradition to mexico (note that your typical narcotrafficker is the opposite- teh US justice system is to be feared/avoided)
Hopefully *someone* here is familiar enough with this case to elaborate for us. I'm very interested to know what mexican interests our DOJ would cite in dismissing a case that's over enough pseudo for ~$700B+ ice. Their interests to produce cheap ice? The interests of calderon to be just as involved as any druglord, despite being the one waging the obscenely bloody mexican drug war we've seen these past years?
(this is our way of regulating the narcotics industry? if we're gonna have our fingers in it from chinese pseudo to US street dealers, let's just legalize, nationalize and tax the fucker already, and watch what it does for social concerns and the US economy (both from direct effects and from secondary things, like strengthening mexico economically. Think of what teh drug war does to mexico, and then realize that all ethical/humanitarian concerns aside, they are our 3rd largest trade partner, and they're living under war/drug lords in HUGE parts of the country))
Zhenli isn't the only high-profile narco-case that has the potential to show some serious foul play by gov's. Cannot recall names(I suck at recalling spanish names lol) but if you care to google you'll find the big sinaloa bosses* case where they're making the (believable)claim they are immune and were acting with US/DEA sanction. Their case is not without merit.
FWIW, Zhenli's supposed allegiance was with sinaloa (very strong evidence that sinaloa is the "sanctioned"/ignored cartel by mx/us authorities). Also of interest is the $100M+ that Zhenli spent (read: laundered) at one of Sheldon Adelson's casino's in vegas (edit: perhaps much more, see:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenb...s-targeted-in-money-laundering-investigation/
Drug money liquidity saved many banks from collapse(and the global economy from such impact) in '08. The illicit drug economy accounts for about 1% of global GDP, as it stands right now. Again, one could put aside morality, ethics and human-rights concerns, and contend that such an industry clearly does have huge economic implications, and that the 1%GDP is only that high because of artificial-inflation, ie that such a large market only exists by virtue of prohibition. This is short-sightedness at its worst. If you do not see how legalizing drugs will, after some years, allow economies and nations to repurpose resources and citizens into more productive uses, you're being incredibly ignorant. The money and effort wasted to turn a profit in the global drug market would have to find new venues if drugs were legalized, and not only would this create more total productivity<as effort and money is not wasted on fighting an artificial barrier ie the drug war>, but the $ goes to different parts of society<ie doesn't enrich criminal/terrorist org's to nearly the extent we do today. Our drug war directly funds these people.)
Vested interests in the current state of affairs include almost everyone, sadly, except ideologically-concerned anti-prohibitionists (basically, nerds like myself). Government officials and large banks*, as organizations, are BETTER OFF if we legalize- the same cannot be said about *specific* politicians and bankers, ergo a strong resistance to change at the levels where change typically comes from, or at the very least, must enjoy support from.
[*read: HBUS and HBMX to see how institutionalized the black-market profits have become]
Yet another "unintended consequence" of prohibition, we have allowed massive power accumulations in institutionalized areas such as these banks, or the DEA, that are now very very threatened by the prospect of legalization, despite it providing a net-benefit to governments as a whole, or the banking industry as a whole.
In 2007, police swept on a Mexico City mansion to find $207 million piled up in huge mountains of notes in what the DEA said was the biggest cash bust in world history.
The homeowner Zhenli Ye Gon, a Chinese national, was later arrested in the United States, where he is now standing trial for selling raw chemicals to cartels for the production of meth.
For those unfamiliar, Zhenli is someone worth googling; it is not as simple as that^.
Zhenli owned unimed(amongst other pharm co's), and imported pseudo into mexico with gov sanction until '05. The charges he faces are that he had a shipment afterwards. Now, while you probably didn't remember his name, you probably remember the pic of some of the cash found at his mansion:
Wondering why a "meth lord" was keeping ~$200M+ in his personal mansion? Me too; not really in keeping with someone who considers the $$ to be contraband... Zhenli claims that ~$50M of it is his, the rest is $ he was safeguarding for/at the instruction of Calderon's party(PAN). Not surprisingly, this has been dismissed as nonsense by president calderon (the majority of mexicans *do not* side with their government in this case, which is a large media topic in mexico. "I believe the Chinaman" or something like that (lol) bumper stickers are a common sight)
Zhenli intended to seek political asylum in the US, and was with his (wife? friend? meh) eating near a mall (no hiding, no bodyguards) when 7-8 DEA agents came in and escorted him out.
The US DOJ (not Zhenli or his lawyers) filed motion to dismiss the case in june'09, citing Mexico's interests as well as evidentiary concerns. The case was dismissed(with predjudice) in august'09, and he's awaiting what he fears- extradition to mexico (note that your typical narcotrafficker is the opposite- teh US justice system is to be feared/avoided)
Hopefully *someone* here is familiar enough with this case to elaborate for us. I'm very interested to know what mexican interests our DOJ would cite in dismissing a case that's over enough pseudo for ~$700B+ ice. Their interests to produce cheap ice? The interests of calderon to be just as involved as any druglord, despite being the one waging the obscenely bloody mexican drug war we've seen these past years?
(this is our way of regulating the narcotics industry? if we're gonna have our fingers in it from chinese pseudo to US street dealers, let's just legalize, nationalize and tax the fucker already, and watch what it does for social concerns and the US economy (both from direct effects and from secondary things, like strengthening mexico economically. Think of what teh drug war does to mexico, and then realize that all ethical/humanitarian concerns aside, they are our 3rd largest trade partner, and they're living under war/drug lords in HUGE parts of the country))
Zhenli isn't the only high-profile narco-case that has the potential to show some serious foul play by gov's. Cannot recall names(I suck at recalling spanish names lol) but if you care to google you'll find the big sinaloa bosses* case where they're making the (believable)claim they are immune and were acting with US/DEA sanction. Their case is not without merit.
FWIW, Zhenli's supposed allegiance was with sinaloa (very strong evidence that sinaloa is the "sanctioned"/ignored cartel by mx/us authorities). Also of interest is the $100M+ that Zhenli spent (read: laundered) at one of Sheldon Adelson's casino's in vegas (edit: perhaps much more, see:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevenb...s-targeted-in-money-laundering-investigation/
What a disingenuous, ignorant way of stating it. Stuart's addiction would require only dollars' worth of meth at true production costs- the "immense wealth" provided to traffickers/terrorists/criminals comes from the artificial inflation created by the drug war, not directly from junkies' consumption needs. Stated another way- stuart's usage would provide no money to shady organizations on its own, but we've gone ahead and effectively subsidized these massive criminal org's by instituting an obscene markup, paid for in US addicts' dollars, and US agents' blood.The dollars spent by junkies such as Stuart provide immense wealth south of the border.
this dynamic is what makes our domestic fallout from the drug war seem like a walk in the park. this, combined with the prices that otherwise cheap commodities could never have reached w/o artificial hiking from prohibition, creates government-like powers for the narco industries. What we're seeing now in mexico isn't new, just look at what happened in colombia after we declared war on drugs in '71, we turned the FARC into a well-funded, full-fledged terrorist organization (which saw the creation of AUC in response), and the country has been in full-fledged civil war since (a war that we are party to, not just wrt its inception or in some ideological sense, but in a real sense of $, personnel on the ground and training. Some would argue that ends justify means, and that a lot of this is necessary-evil, to keep influence in the region <some say this for our involvement in the 2nd largest drug-producing state behind colombia: afghanistan>. A simple glimpse of the $#'s would show that, ethics aside, this can be accomplished far cheaper through legalizing and controlling hte markets directly).Such immense profits lead to bloody turf battles in a country where the minimum wage is just $5 a day.
Drug money liquidity saved many banks from collapse(and the global economy from such impact) in '08. The illicit drug economy accounts for about 1% of global GDP, as it stands right now. Again, one could put aside morality, ethics and human-rights concerns, and contend that such an industry clearly does have huge economic implications, and that the 1%GDP is only that high because of artificial-inflation, ie that such a large market only exists by virtue of prohibition. This is short-sightedness at its worst. If you do not see how legalizing drugs will, after some years, allow economies and nations to repurpose resources and citizens into more productive uses, you're being incredibly ignorant. The money and effort wasted to turn a profit in the global drug market would have to find new venues if drugs were legalized, and not only would this create more total productivity<as effort and money is not wasted on fighting an artificial barrier ie the drug war>, but the $ goes to different parts of society<ie doesn't enrich criminal/terrorist org's to nearly the extent we do today. Our drug war directly funds these people.)
Vested interests in the current state of affairs include almost everyone, sadly, except ideologically-concerned anti-prohibitionists (basically, nerds like myself). Government officials and large banks*, as organizations, are BETTER OFF if we legalize- the same cannot be said about *specific* politicians and bankers, ergo a strong resistance to change at the levels where change typically comes from, or at the very least, must enjoy support from.
[*read: HBUS and HBMX to see how institutionalized the black-market profits have become]
Yet another "unintended consequence" of prohibition, we have allowed massive power accumulations in institutionalized areas such as these banks, or the DEA, that are now very very threatened by the prospect of legalization, despite it providing a net-benefit to governments as a whole, or the banking industry as a whole.
haven't done a blog post in awhile . . . things have been pretty depressing. Good thing is, I quit smoking. Happened like this: cut back to about 3/4 cigs/day. had a friend over, we got high, i was feeling good, took deep drag on unfiltered cig, felt sick, thought i was dying and passed out. Threw up and felt better, figured it was food poisoning. next day, as an experiment, I took drag of cig and felt like passing out again so haven;t had another one since.
Been having panic attacks related to smoking (thought something was wrong with heart), caused so much anxiety, my heart rate and blood-pressure went up really high . . . had terrible vacation because of it . . . . after i returned from vacation, i finally got some tranquilizers (ativan) and have not had to take any anymore.
Here's the best way to describe my economic situation: used to be i could sell one-acre lots i own for $23k easily. Now, those same pots are selling for only $5000 . . . if u can find a buyer.
Didn;t win the $500-million lottery . . . don;t usually buy tickets bit thought god wanted me to win, so I could run full-page ads in the New York Times like Yoko Ono does.
Missed the cut-off date to apply to be on Survivor (they actually called me one year but thought I was kidding them, my friend wouldn;t vouch for me and tell them I'm for real) . . . would also love to be on Apprentice and meet Donald Trump.
Not motivated to do much anymore, no enthusiasm.
Was delighted to see one of my fliers published in a book about the Kennedy assassination.
Been having panic attacks related to smoking (thought something was wrong with heart), caused so much anxiety, my heart rate and blood-pressure went up really high . . . had terrible vacation because of it . . . . after i returned from vacation, i finally got some tranquilizers (ativan) and have not had to take any anymore.
Here's the best way to describe my economic situation: used to be i could sell one-acre lots i own for $23k easily. Now, those same pots are selling for only $5000 . . . if u can find a buyer.
Didn;t win the $500-million lottery . . . don;t usually buy tickets bit thought god wanted me to win, so I could run full-page ads in the New York Times like Yoko Ono does.
Missed the cut-off date to apply to be on Survivor (they actually called me one year but thought I was kidding them, my friend wouldn;t vouch for me and tell them I'm for real) . . . would also love to be on Apprentice and meet Donald Trump.
Not motivated to do much anymore, no enthusiasm.
Was delighted to see one of my fliers published in a book about the Kennedy assassination.
I see the needle he is holding it wont give it up. I beg plead Ill save you half the shot I know I took suboxone but it might work I need to try. He gives me a sick devilish grin as he shoves the needle into my forearm pushing down the plunger before I can protest. "You fucking asshole missed the damn shot" I say as I lunge for the rig. I take it as the car swerves I slam it into my vein on feeling alone I am a fucking professional after all. All of a sudden I feel warm not a proper rush but warm. I look up and we are crashing bam!!! we hit a car parked car and dude jumps out. I jump in the drivers seat thinking cops got to go!!!. Now I am driving but I don't recognize this place where the fuck am I? The rest of the dream is me running from the cops though I never see them they must be chasing me.
I wake up covered in sweat "fuck just a dream" no heroin no needles. I think about smoking a bowl to calm down but it seems pointless nothing but the real thing will satisfy. Unfortunately I have no connect I burned all those bridges in a moment of self righteousness I thought I am done with that shit. Now I realize that shit was important it was my salvation and my death rolled into one. Oh what I would do to feel that sting that sweet sweet taste. One day we will reunite it will be a good day.
I wake up covered in sweat "fuck just a dream" no heroin no needles. I think about smoking a bowl to calm down but it seems pointless nothing but the real thing will satisfy. Unfortunately I have no connect I burned all those bridges in a moment of self righteousness I thought I am done with that shit. Now I realize that shit was important it was my salvation and my death rolled into one. Oh what I would do to feel that sting that sweet sweet taste. One day we will reunite it will be a good day.
About 40 degrees, no air con on the train im travelling on, listening to blues whilst making my way back to the burbs...Its been a good week.