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Adventure Time!!!
I love AdventureTime. It's teaching kids such awesome stuff. It's like Samurai Jack was for the 90's and early 2000's.
They need to make more philosophically educational TV shows for kids. I love that they are teaching children the spirit of adventure and even deeper shit, in a world that has no room for adventure.
And the best part. They don't even know they are learning. By watching these situations go down, and being too young to experience them, it is giving them real world advice before they even get there.
And the kids are almost FORCED to relate to the single most main character, because he is the ONLY human in the entire land of Ooo. Since the whole world (and all other humans) were destroyed in what they know as "The Mushroom Wars". It was really a nuclear holocaust, they just got blown into the stone age and don't understand anything else but "The war had mushrooms".
I just watched an episode that taught kids about being in a band for music or a "band" of friends. And the different situations that will occur, and it ended by teaching kids to not lie, and be "Real".
And there are episodes that talk about ndtitl, financial ecosytems and tons of crazy things. And they replaced the word "Cool" with "Math". So they are LITERALLY trying to "make math cool".
How cool is that?
I love AdventureTime. It's teaching kids such awesome stuff. It's like Samurai Jack was for the 90's and early 2000's.
They need to make more philosophically educational TV shows for kids. I love that they are teaching children the spirit of adventure and even deeper shit, in a world that has no room for adventure.
And the best part. They don't even know they are learning. By watching these situations go down, and being too young to experience them, it is giving them real world advice before they even get there.
And the kids are almost FORCED to relate to the single most main character, because he is the ONLY human in the entire land of Ooo. Since the whole world (and all other humans) were destroyed in what they know as "The Mushroom Wars". It was really a nuclear holocaust, they just got blown into the stone age and don't understand anything else but "The war had mushrooms".
I just watched an episode that taught kids about being in a band for music or a "band" of friends. And the different situations that will occur, and it ended by teaching kids to not lie, and be "Real".
And there are episodes that talk about ndtitl, financial ecosytems and tons of crazy things. And they replaced the word "Cool" with "Math". So they are LITERALLY trying to "make math cool".
How cool is that?
I have discussed positive aspects of the internet but haven't had cause to do so with regard to the opposite side of the coin. People tend to believe anything they read online if it is couched appropriately. I think that in this way the internet is extremely dangerous.
Case in point: This past summer, 2012, there was a flurry of activity after an Israeli Genetecist working at John Hopkins posted an unpublished paper that claimed to prove that Asheknaz (Central and Eastern European Jewry, 85% of all Jews on the planet) are in fact not the progeny of migrating Judaeans who arrived in Europe after the fall of Judaea to Rome in the Second Century CE/AD. For a few decades now there have been many attempts to disprove Ashkenaz Jewry's Semitic origins and instead place their origin in what was the nation of Khazaria, in Central Asia.
The Khazars were a Turkic people who, after migrating from Mongolia established themselves in the Caucus Mountains of Central Asia. In the 9th Century CE/AD, cushioned between the Muslim Caliphate and Byzantium Christianity the Khazarian Monarchy converted to Karaite Judaism, a form of the religion that rejects the Talmud and which does not intermarry with Rabbanite Judaism, the form practiced by 97% of World Jewry. In the Middle Ages Khazaria fell and its people were assimilated into other groups.
Supporters of the Khazar Theory believe that the Khazars then migrated into Eastern Europe, and later into Central Europe and that they formed the bulk of Ashkenaz Jewry. This theory especially appeals to racists and Muslims because it negates the Semitic origins of 85% of Jews and thereby nullifies the Zionist premise of a "return" to the Jewish Homeland vis a vis the establishment of Israel.
There are few problems with this theory from purely common sensical perspectives. Racists and Muslims often point to those Ashkenaz Jews who appear European and argue that their physical appearance shows that they aren't Semitic. I personally laugh at that because I am Mizrachi Sephardi, NOT Ashkenaz and am fair skinned with blue eyes. Indeed, so is the ruling family of Syria, who are Arab. Physical appearances are deceiving. What really makes me laugh though is that supporters of the Khazar Theory never stop to consider that while a minority of Ashkenaz do not appear Middle Eastern (Jeff Goldblum and Hal Linden, both Ashkenaz, look like stereotypical Arabs), not a single Ashekanaz that I know of appears to resemble Ghengiz Khan. "Well what do you expect, Khazaria folded almost 1,000 years ago, they aren't going to still look like Mongolians." Yet the fact that they don't appear Semitic supports your premise?
For educated people though there is a different denominator. Only the Khazar Monarch and its nobility converted and they converted to Karaism. Less than a half of 1% of Ashkenaz were ever Karaites at the height of the movement. The bad blood between Karaites and Rabbinites often results in violence though in the last couple of generations things have settled down.
Lastly, Genetic Science loves Jews because all Jewish groups are highly endogamous. Until WWII inter-marriage between Jews and non-Jews was extremely rare. This makes all Jewish groups perfect subjects for study. More than 300 peer reviewed papers have shown that Ashkenaz do in fact descend from Judaeans who fled Judaea in the 2nd Century CE/AD, during the Roman Jewish War. The rate of admixture on average hovers at just under 12% so that 88% of Ashkenaz are absolutely Semitic. This past summer though, the aforementioned Geneticist began posting his unpublished paper online touting it as the last word in the debate, though a debate only still existed amongst fringe racists and various Muslim groups.
The paper was full of nonsense, quoting unscientific books like "The Thirteenth Tribe" by Arthur Koestler, an author who pushed the Khazar Theory in the early 1970s. The paper was bizarre in that it contrasted two hypotheses, both fringe. Aside from the Khazar Theory, it examined the Rhineland Hypothisis which had Judaeans migrating into Central Europe after the rise of Islam. The author made no mention of the almost universally accepted theory that placed that migration in the 2nd Century, a theory now supported by hundreds of genetic assays which place the date in that same time period. He made dozens of mistakes in historical narration but since he is a dehreed Geneticist working at a reputable institution I decided to consider his "findings." I contacted the author and began corresponding with him in an attempt to see just why someone would risk their career on junk science. I mean, 300 plus papers, and you post an unpublished paper that doesn't even use live subjects but is merely an analysis of other published findings. Why? Yesterday the author sent me an interesting email.
To be continued...
Case in point: This past summer, 2012, there was a flurry of activity after an Israeli Genetecist working at John Hopkins posted an unpublished paper that claimed to prove that Asheknaz (Central and Eastern European Jewry, 85% of all Jews on the planet) are in fact not the progeny of migrating Judaeans who arrived in Europe after the fall of Judaea to Rome in the Second Century CE/AD. For a few decades now there have been many attempts to disprove Ashkenaz Jewry's Semitic origins and instead place their origin in what was the nation of Khazaria, in Central Asia.
The Khazars were a Turkic people who, after migrating from Mongolia established themselves in the Caucus Mountains of Central Asia. In the 9th Century CE/AD, cushioned between the Muslim Caliphate and Byzantium Christianity the Khazarian Monarchy converted to Karaite Judaism, a form of the religion that rejects the Talmud and which does not intermarry with Rabbanite Judaism, the form practiced by 97% of World Jewry. In the Middle Ages Khazaria fell and its people were assimilated into other groups.
Supporters of the Khazar Theory believe that the Khazars then migrated into Eastern Europe, and later into Central Europe and that they formed the bulk of Ashkenaz Jewry. This theory especially appeals to racists and Muslims because it negates the Semitic origins of 85% of Jews and thereby nullifies the Zionist premise of a "return" to the Jewish Homeland vis a vis the establishment of Israel.
There are few problems with this theory from purely common sensical perspectives. Racists and Muslims often point to those Ashkenaz Jews who appear European and argue that their physical appearance shows that they aren't Semitic. I personally laugh at that because I am Mizrachi Sephardi, NOT Ashkenaz and am fair skinned with blue eyes. Indeed, so is the ruling family of Syria, who are Arab. Physical appearances are deceiving. What really makes me laugh though is that supporters of the Khazar Theory never stop to consider that while a minority of Ashkenaz do not appear Middle Eastern (Jeff Goldblum and Hal Linden, both Ashkenaz, look like stereotypical Arabs), not a single Ashekanaz that I know of appears to resemble Ghengiz Khan. "Well what do you expect, Khazaria folded almost 1,000 years ago, they aren't going to still look like Mongolians." Yet the fact that they don't appear Semitic supports your premise?
For educated people though there is a different denominator. Only the Khazar Monarch and its nobility converted and they converted to Karaism. Less than a half of 1% of Ashkenaz were ever Karaites at the height of the movement. The bad blood between Karaites and Rabbinites often results in violence though in the last couple of generations things have settled down.
Lastly, Genetic Science loves Jews because all Jewish groups are highly endogamous. Until WWII inter-marriage between Jews and non-Jews was extremely rare. This makes all Jewish groups perfect subjects for study. More than 300 peer reviewed papers have shown that Ashkenaz do in fact descend from Judaeans who fled Judaea in the 2nd Century CE/AD, during the Roman Jewish War. The rate of admixture on average hovers at just under 12% so that 88% of Ashkenaz are absolutely Semitic. This past summer though, the aforementioned Geneticist began posting his unpublished paper online touting it as the last word in the debate, though a debate only still existed amongst fringe racists and various Muslim groups.
The paper was full of nonsense, quoting unscientific books like "The Thirteenth Tribe" by Arthur Koestler, an author who pushed the Khazar Theory in the early 1970s. The paper was bizarre in that it contrasted two hypotheses, both fringe. Aside from the Khazar Theory, it examined the Rhineland Hypothisis which had Judaeans migrating into Central Europe after the rise of Islam. The author made no mention of the almost universally accepted theory that placed that migration in the 2nd Century, a theory now supported by hundreds of genetic assays which place the date in that same time period. He made dozens of mistakes in historical narration but since he is a dehreed Geneticist working at a reputable institution I decided to consider his "findings." I contacted the author and began corresponding with him in an attempt to see just why someone would risk their career on junk science. I mean, 300 plus papers, and you post an unpublished paper that doesn't even use live subjects but is merely an analysis of other published findings. Why? Yesterday the author sent me an interesting email.
To be continued...
these days must be Highest
I've taken as of late
-should I be awaken
or should I see my Death
-in these days Forsaken
out of sleep -out of sight
spleen of rare abundance
thoughts of instant Disgrace
head fighting into dreams
of the dreaded Hypnos
-in occupied buildings
of otherwise Chaos
I await for the Sins
-to be disentangled
in the space of this bed
to be another -Skin-
In another Body, to feel the Fight within
I've taken as of late
-should I be awaken
or should I see my Death
-in these days Forsaken
out of sleep -out of sight
spleen of rare abundance
thoughts of instant Disgrace
head fighting into dreams
of the dreaded Hypnos
-in occupied buildings
of otherwise Chaos
I await for the Sins
-to be disentangled
in the space of this bed
to be another -Skin-
In another Body, to feel the Fight within
because apparently people actually read these, i've been feeling a need to update my blog. tonight is the night i guess, i just got done working a seven hour shift with Remmy, and the day's been good to me thus far. i woke up early because the dogs (i'll get to that in a minute) were whining to go out unusually early, let them out and went back to sleep. i considered for a moment staying up those few extra hours to clean the house but decided against it, as i usually just sleep 'til about noon during the week and get ready for work at three.
anyways, i woke up at about 11:30, woke up and smoked a cigarette, took a shower and went to town, where i had to pay a speeding ticket (5 over instead of 15, reckless driving saywut). it ended up being only 125, which i was glad for since i had taken out my total savings, a mere 200, the day before and would have been fucked had it been a larger amount. i got that done and stopped at homeboy's for a minute, we talked, and i went to work.
my shift was pretty easy this time around, i took Remmy to an appointment then came back to my mom's and waited for my sister to get home from babysitting, where Remmy and i ate the arby's that we had bought on the way down. after that we went to get my car from the mechanic's after a long month of having to use my sister's car, apparently they had put the wrong transmission in my car when they put it in the first time around. i took Remmy home, got some food in her belly, and came to my mom's house, where i am now. i have to do a financial report for the equestrian team that i coached this summer, then i get to go home- to my place.
to make a long story short, i was with one of my kids (consumers, whatever) at the recycling facility this past fall and i ran into an old coworker of mine, and she had asked me if i needed a place to stay, that her mother was ill and her dogs needed sitting, that they were cat killers and couldn't be kept at the daughter's house. i told her yes and gave her my number, and within days she had contacted me to confirm that the other girl whom she had offered this opportunity before me couldn't do it, and that the house was essentially mine for the taking. i of course said yes, and i moved in mid-october. i've been there since, buying my own food and laundry detergent, that kind of shit. i admit that sometimes i get lonely and wish that i had somebody to eat or sleep with, but all in all, i absolutely love living by myself. the mother of the daughter with whom i spoke with in october is not doing so well as of now, and it's been made known that the mother is on a limited time frame. what will happen once the mother passes is not something that i'm sure of, but i do know that i should be safe until i at least get my taxes back, potentially setting me up to get my own apartment.
i've also, as you can tell, got my own car, and that is a coincidence in itself. it's a monte carlo and it's all mine as far as the title goes. i've been dealing with a few technical difficulties as far as that goes, but like i said, i just got it back from the mechanic's and she seems to be running like a champ. shit's definitely turned around a lot since spring, and i'd be a fool to not credit God (because seriously, i could not have better arranged that day at the recycling place) and 9 months to the day of recovery, solidly grounded in narcotics anonymous.
it might be a minute before i update my blog again, but i can imagine that shit's only going to get better from here.
i might not be geographically where i am for too much longer, but i am going to be clean for the next foreseeable future and for the rest of my life. homegirl actually offered to get a place together out in colorado where her sister and niece and nephew live once she gets her feet on the ground and is able to get her own place, and i told her i would think about it. it's too early to tell and my money's not right for a move like that quite yet, but we'll see.
i'm also down to one job again, the one where i look after the disable girl and the autistic boy, and that seems to be going as well. if i stay 'til summer then this will be the first job that i have had for a straight year, and i'm also kind of proud of that in a way.
anyways lol, that's about it as far as updates go, although the small nuances and coincidences of where i'm at are far too long and exacting to even consider putting into a single blog, especially one that i don't exactly update on a regular basis.
happy trails, bitches
anyways, i woke up at about 11:30, woke up and smoked a cigarette, took a shower and went to town, where i had to pay a speeding ticket (5 over instead of 15, reckless driving saywut). it ended up being only 125, which i was glad for since i had taken out my total savings, a mere 200, the day before and would have been fucked had it been a larger amount. i got that done and stopped at homeboy's for a minute, we talked, and i went to work.
my shift was pretty easy this time around, i took Remmy to an appointment then came back to my mom's and waited for my sister to get home from babysitting, where Remmy and i ate the arby's that we had bought on the way down. after that we went to get my car from the mechanic's after a long month of having to use my sister's car, apparently they had put the wrong transmission in my car when they put it in the first time around. i took Remmy home, got some food in her belly, and came to my mom's house, where i am now. i have to do a financial report for the equestrian team that i coached this summer, then i get to go home- to my place.
to make a long story short, i was with one of my kids (consumers, whatever) at the recycling facility this past fall and i ran into an old coworker of mine, and she had asked me if i needed a place to stay, that her mother was ill and her dogs needed sitting, that they were cat killers and couldn't be kept at the daughter's house. i told her yes and gave her my number, and within days she had contacted me to confirm that the other girl whom she had offered this opportunity before me couldn't do it, and that the house was essentially mine for the taking. i of course said yes, and i moved in mid-october. i've been there since, buying my own food and laundry detergent, that kind of shit. i admit that sometimes i get lonely and wish that i had somebody to eat or sleep with, but all in all, i absolutely love living by myself. the mother of the daughter with whom i spoke with in october is not doing so well as of now, and it's been made known that the mother is on a limited time frame. what will happen once the mother passes is not something that i'm sure of, but i do know that i should be safe until i at least get my taxes back, potentially setting me up to get my own apartment.
i've also, as you can tell, got my own car, and that is a coincidence in itself. it's a monte carlo and it's all mine as far as the title goes. i've been dealing with a few technical difficulties as far as that goes, but like i said, i just got it back from the mechanic's and she seems to be running like a champ. shit's definitely turned around a lot since spring, and i'd be a fool to not credit God (because seriously, i could not have better arranged that day at the recycling place) and 9 months to the day of recovery, solidly grounded in narcotics anonymous.
it might be a minute before i update my blog again, but i can imagine that shit's only going to get better from here.
i might not be geographically where i am for too much longer, but i am going to be clean for the next foreseeable future and for the rest of my life. homegirl actually offered to get a place together out in colorado where her sister and niece and nephew live once she gets her feet on the ground and is able to get her own place, and i told her i would think about it. it's too early to tell and my money's not right for a move like that quite yet, but we'll see.
i'm also down to one job again, the one where i look after the disable girl and the autistic boy, and that seems to be going as well. if i stay 'til summer then this will be the first job that i have had for a straight year, and i'm also kind of proud of that in a way.
anyways lol, that's about it as far as updates go, although the small nuances and coincidences of where i'm at are far too long and exacting to even consider putting into a single blog, especially one that i don't exactly update on a regular basis.
happy trails, bitches
It sucks that the only time I even consider writing anything here is when I'm especially stressed or exhausted. Tonight I'm both.
The truth is that my life is filled with fantastic gifts that I should be forever grateful for.
The truth is that I am tiptoeing in the wrong direction with some decisions I've made recently. I've spent the last five years systematically building a life that is essentially perfect, but in the last three months I've consciously done things that could turn my world upside down. I haven't got a million dollars in the bank but I've got all the surface stuff and the only ingredient that's missing lately is me.
And no, I'm not getting high. I'm not getting drunk. I'm just finding old thinking and behavior a little too easy to slip back into. I'm not taking satisfaction in the great, simple life I've built. I'm getting pissed off about inconsequential bullshit. I'm justifying doing things I know are wrong. Wrong is the new normal. That's scary.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I need to be turning my attention away from my selfish thoughts and towards helping others, but it's hard when you feel like most of what you have to offer has been compromised by recently committed morally reprehensible actions.In other news I'm going to a new school. It's a new semester. I'm about to be busy as fuck. And I've been a bluelighter for ten years now! Five of them on drugs and five of them off!
It started at age 18 in my bedroom with three of my friends a needle and a tiny bag of heroin. I remember the belt around my arm tight, my whole body clenched with anticipation. I watched the needle intently as he clumsily found the vien and pushed off the shot. I remember waiting and thinking fuck nothings happ- then bam the most intense feeling of my life took hold I dont remember much else for a few hours I suppose I was hanging with my boys having the time of my life or maybe I was puking in the backyard, who fucking remembers?
I wasnt hooked from the first shot I didnt have good access and I was still having fun with phychadelics. So summer ended and I went off to college. It was a literal and metaphorical change in my life I kinda knew the fun was over. I was either gonna make it or fall flat on my face. At the time success was not a term I was familiar with I went crazy drank all the time took whatever opiates I could find. But it didnt feel like addiction to any one thing ecstacy or xanax were just as satisfying as opiates. School was not a priority I passed a couple classes just on pure intelligence but never took it seriosly.So at the end of my first semester I find heroin again. It started with a few runs to the city to hang out with this girl I knew. She was a full blown junkie and I loved the excitement of rolling to the ghetto 6 deep in my car the anticipation the fear at first I found the lifestyle way more addicting then the drug. But I was still living an hour from the city going to school so it wasnt an everyday thing yet. Well the second semester starts and everything in my life went to hell I lost all the people I thought where my friends. So I came home to Birmingham with a very fatalistic attitude I decided to dive head first into heroin.
This apartment was a shithole. Oh shit this darrel was a trip he got 20,000 dollars when he turned 18 and proceeded to blow it all in like 2 months. But he had his apartment paid for and grandparents to send him money. One of the dumbest people I have ever met in my life he lost 5,000 dollars fronting this black guy he didnt know for coke. Anyway we set up basecamp in his apartment turned it into a strait fucking shooting gallery. Ended up turning quite a few of my friends into junkies. Josh ended up being my partner in crime we had just met when I moved back to the city and started hanging with patrick and darrell. We hit it off fast we shared a similar attitude and personality. The next 4 months are a blur of junky politics and unrelenting crazyness.
Man at first it was all fun and games every run to the city an adventure every poke of the needle a chance to meet divinity chill for awhile then gradually come down go home eat sleep and repeat. Money quickly became a problem so me and josh formed a side fiendship we taxed the shit out of this darrel kid gave him cut up shit whatever we had to do to get ours. This went on for a couple months and physical addiction was creeping in. It was starting to dawn on me that heroin was consuming my life like no other drug ever had. I got scared so I told my parents I had a problem and went to rehab.
I had no idea how bad of a decision that was. I was niave I thought I was gonna go there get the cure then be able to continue on as if nothing happened. Instead I got a bunch of spiritual propaganda. I just cant stomach bullshit or the true believers who spew it. In those two weeks I realized I was fucked I wasnt in deep enough to quit, but I could see the cliff looming. It was too late to hit the brakes so I decided to hit the gas. I made the decision about 5 days into my 16 day stay that it was "farther up and further in" for me. So I made it my mission to meet and exchange numbers with every junkie there. I left with a pretty girl on my arm and a legit connection in my phone.
The next months are a blur of trips to the hood and shooting up in parking lots all over the city. Waiting for hours in the heat sick as shit farting burping feeling like death. Until that magic phone call "Come to the blue house" click. Immediatly refilled with life I would pull out of the parking lot and speed to whatever spot he told me. I also remember the nights laying awake in my room to sick to sleep watching shitty movies on HBO. Praying for a change cursing my hubris just wanting it all to end.
I wasnt hooked from the first shot I didnt have good access and I was still having fun with phychadelics. So summer ended and I went off to college. It was a literal and metaphorical change in my life I kinda knew the fun was over. I was either gonna make it or fall flat on my face. At the time success was not a term I was familiar with I went crazy drank all the time took whatever opiates I could find. But it didnt feel like addiction to any one thing ecstacy or xanax were just as satisfying as opiates. School was not a priority I passed a couple classes just on pure intelligence but never took it seriosly.So at the end of my first semester I find heroin again. It started with a few runs to the city to hang out with this girl I knew. She was a full blown junkie and I loved the excitement of rolling to the ghetto 6 deep in my car the anticipation the fear at first I found the lifestyle way more addicting then the drug. But I was still living an hour from the city going to school so it wasnt an everyday thing yet. Well the second semester starts and everything in my life went to hell I lost all the people I thought where my friends. So I came home to Birmingham with a very fatalistic attitude I decided to dive head first into heroin.
This apartment was a shithole. Oh shit this darrel was a trip he got 20,000 dollars when he turned 18 and proceeded to blow it all in like 2 months. But he had his apartment paid for and grandparents to send him money. One of the dumbest people I have ever met in my life he lost 5,000 dollars fronting this black guy he didnt know for coke. Anyway we set up basecamp in his apartment turned it into a strait fucking shooting gallery. Ended up turning quite a few of my friends into junkies. Josh ended up being my partner in crime we had just met when I moved back to the city and started hanging with patrick and darrell. We hit it off fast we shared a similar attitude and personality. The next 4 months are a blur of junky politics and unrelenting crazyness.
Man at first it was all fun and games every run to the city an adventure every poke of the needle a chance to meet divinity chill for awhile then gradually come down go home eat sleep and repeat. Money quickly became a problem so me and josh formed a side fiendship we taxed the shit out of this darrel kid gave him cut up shit whatever we had to do to get ours. This went on for a couple months and physical addiction was creeping in. It was starting to dawn on me that heroin was consuming my life like no other drug ever had. I got scared so I told my parents I had a problem and went to rehab.
I had no idea how bad of a decision that was. I was niave I thought I was gonna go there get the cure then be able to continue on as if nothing happened. Instead I got a bunch of spiritual propaganda. I just cant stomach bullshit or the true believers who spew it. In those two weeks I realized I was fucked I wasnt in deep enough to quit, but I could see the cliff looming. It was too late to hit the brakes so I decided to hit the gas. I made the decision about 5 days into my 16 day stay that it was "farther up and further in" for me. So I made it my mission to meet and exchange numbers with every junkie there. I left with a pretty girl on my arm and a legit connection in my phone.
The next months are a blur of trips to the hood and shooting up in parking lots all over the city. Waiting for hours in the heat sick as shit farting burping feeling like death. Until that magic phone call "Come to the blue house" click. Immediatly refilled with life I would pull out of the parking lot and speed to whatever spot he told me. I also remember the nights laying awake in my room to sick to sleep watching shitty movies on HBO. Praying for a change cursing my hubris just wanting it all to end.
newer time and phases, not the stellar imaginings of higher occupancy or renderings of here and now happenings. everything is real and scarred with time's inevitable gaze. we are the children of tomorrow's apologies...
I got to the point in my life where I don't really see a way out, I'm simply stuck. And this time it seems a lot more serious than ever before. I've been addicted to opioids since I was 14, that means 8 years as I'm 22 now. I can't free myself from methadone. I shot up a lot of opioids, took any benzodiazepines and similar compounds I could to ease the pain of the every day life. Eventually I quit shooting up but my tolerance was so huge I couldn't manage stopping abruptly.
Despite all those problems I kept going from class to class, I didn't have great grades as I used to but I passed all exams. Well, I didn't care for grades, how could I if I needed to shoot up at school? Anyway, I started studying chemistry. This had nothing to do with my drug abuse. I simply got interested in it long time before when I had my first classes in my middle school. But things didn't end up so fine. Now the studying system is 3+2 because of the stupid Bologna process and I stopped studying after 3 years getting a degree that is an equivalent to Bachelor of Science. But this guarantees me nothing on the job market. I feel as if I lost 3 years.
I was in London last year. I had a lot of problems with finding a job because I stayed at my cousin's. She's got a child and she expected to get some benefits as she doesn't earn much (well, she doesn't speak English and she's doing much better there than I did having a fucking IELTS Academic test passed). I couldn't give the address where I lived at the bank etc. So I didn't even have a bank account. Also, I'm skinny and have some problems with health so physical work isn't really for me. I couldn't work in renovations as a helper because it's a hard work. I decided to go back to Poland, take up some other profession, and at least finally get a driver's license. But it's hard to pass an exam here, they still expect a bribe although there are now cameras in all cars. But cars are in a very bad shape. When you release the clutch pedal of a car from the examination centre, you can go all the way because it'd been regulated before so the engine stops. Don't get me wrong but I've been driving cars since I was 16, moving a car after starting engine isn't some pro stuff and I did a lot of crazy things not having a driver's license (not that I was involved in some accident or sth, never, I couldn't get a license then). But anyway, I decided I would go back to London in March / April '12. The hell I did...
My mum found a private university and told me to think it over and maybe start IT studies. Well, the class started in October 2011 and nobody told me. So on the first day in February I was shocked people know one another so well... Of course I have to pass all the exams from the first semester and I have to do it before Feb 2013. I've got a big problem with methadone and clonazepam now. It was much better in London where I could get marihuana just like that and it wasn't some freaky stuff, it was a nice mood-lifting, a bit psychedelic but also helping me fall asleep and numbing my body. I got the contact off the street and it was way better than regular stuff kids living in housing estates here smoke. It helped me lower the dose to 10mg in the morning and I was fine without a dose in the evening which was pretty weird as I need split-dosing to survive the day. Now I'm in Poland and if I don't call someone, I can't get weed. Every 2 weeks I ran out of it and I get so anxious I can't call to anybody. Of course I get back to the old dose of methadone right away... This country is like a forsaken place, a week after I came back I was at my old dose because I couldn't cope with my life. And really nothing awaited for me here so I didn't plan on coming for good. But I started studying, I put some money into it. The problem is I can't study. I can't learn, I can't memorize, I can't focus on one thing because of racing thoughts.
I don't know what really keeps me here. I should have mix morphine with some barbiturate and be gone by now because I'm nothing good to myself and I'm nothing good to my mum I live with. She constantly reproaches me for getting addicted and "fucking your life and my life". It doesn't really help, you know... She helped me a lot with my addiction, I don't know where I'd be now if she hadn't been there for me when I was left with no friends. But now it's like she doesn't really believe that I can quit it, not any more. Just like my psychiatrist who just keeps prescribing me clonazepam and doesn't give a damn, it's me who asks about some taper schedule. If I hadn't done anything, I would be still at my old dose. But anyway, when I've got days like these - I mean I've got no weed and I can feel withdrawal symptoms (and they're really terrible with methadone, you don't know if it's the peak or if it's still building up). I guess I would be in a way better situation if I still shoot up morphine. I would go cold turkey and it'd be done in 2 weeks, with methadone I would suffer 2 months, I guess. It's terrible withdrawing from methadone, I did once and that's why I'm so afraid of it and react this way when I wake up and feel bad.
I tried tapering off a lot of times. I really want to quit, it's clear that I get absolutely nothing positive from drinking this syrup and popping clonazepam pills. My tolerance is so high that it's hardly recreational for me at any dose. Marihuana always helped me with obsessive thoughts about the past. If there's no weed to block these thoughts, I have to take more methadone and more clonazepam to free myself from bad conscience...
Concerning my current studies... Well, although I believed earlier, I'm into computer science, it turned out that it's very boring to me and as I seem to have all the makings of a great chemist, I rather useless as a future programmer or whatever. Though programming languages are the only classes I seem to have some interest in, it's probably because I'm interested in linguistics and foreign languages in general, here it functions similarly (e.g. C# represents a C-family language with syntax looking like a hybrid of C/C++ and Java, so if I can program in C++, I can easily learn C# even if I don't know Java, then if I know C#, learning Java would be no problem etc. etc.). But it's much more complicated, just like chemistry isn't just organic chemistry... I'm supposed to be able to take care of servers and networks after finishing my studies. That's something I don't really find interesting, it's far from something I wanted to do when I was younger.
Also, I'm alone. I literally don't have a single friend or even an acquaintance to go to a club or to a pub. My last relationship ended relatively long time ago. I'm totally alone. And if you're alone, it's hard to go anywhere just by yourself. I don't know if I'm shy or what, I suffer from BPD. I don't trust people easily. I wish I met some woman who would make me feel like there was a reason to live. If not for myself, then for her, to make her happy. If she could only understand that though I'm an addict, I want to stop but I'm just unmotivated and she might just be my best motivation. But on the other hand I don't want to put any person into my misery, it's my shit, and I have no right to ruin some woman's life with my addiction if she can find a proper guy without faults like addiction to opioids and benzodiazepines. She'd have to be an addict herself, I guess, to understand me... That wouldn't lead to anything good if there was addiction in our relationship because sooner or later there'd be nothing but this fucking affliction keeping us together.
I don't know what to do. I would have killed myself long time ago because all these money I have to pay for methadone, could be spent on something valuable. I wouldn't be a problem for my mum but when I tell her that I'm ready to go, this hope for finally meeting someone I would love more than anything is vain. I should get rid of it and stop thinking about love as something that would heal the whole situation. I don't deserve love if I'm addicted. Addiction is like a virus, it spreads fast and it enfeebles everything. I wonder, maybe I still lack that bit of courage to take my life... But the right time seems close. I don't care for anything in my life at the moment, everything is a ruin. Also, after so many years of daily intake of benzodiazepines and so many years of shooting up various opioids from straight morphine through street heroin, hydromorphone from Dilaudid, dextromoramide from Palfium, to synthed in the lab compounds like pentamorphone, 6-methyldihydromorphine, N-phenethylnormorphine, 14-substituted 6-ketones, 6,14-endoetheno/6,14-endoethano compounds, morphinans, fentanyls, pethidines, and whatnot... - I guess my brain is not all right. Thanks to abusing benzodiazepines I probably fucked up my brain's bioelectric activity cycles with brain waves totally inappropriate for the situation (for instance I can't sleep like normal people do, marihuana helped me a lot with sleeping, otherwise I sleep like a few hrs a day and it's not at night so I'm tired all the time).
All that I had to offer for that only one is nothing compared to all this baggage from the past. Life with a person like me wouldn't be a happy life. And I think that life is devoid of any meaning if I cannot share it with another person and give myself totally to that other person. I haven't loved romantically for quite a long time. On one hand I long for this feeling, on the other hand I guess it's much better for me not to be in mad love with someone because I know I would never try to start a relationship being addicted. Besides I wouldn't have guts to walk up to a woman who could be that real one, understanding, loving, caring, well, just like me, putting all of you into the relationship.
I believe that whatever there is waiting for me on the other side is definitely better than this life here.
Despite all those problems I kept going from class to class, I didn't have great grades as I used to but I passed all exams. Well, I didn't care for grades, how could I if I needed to shoot up at school? Anyway, I started studying chemistry. This had nothing to do with my drug abuse. I simply got interested in it long time before when I had my first classes in my middle school. But things didn't end up so fine. Now the studying system is 3+2 because of the stupid Bologna process and I stopped studying after 3 years getting a degree that is an equivalent to Bachelor of Science. But this guarantees me nothing on the job market. I feel as if I lost 3 years.
I was in London last year. I had a lot of problems with finding a job because I stayed at my cousin's. She's got a child and she expected to get some benefits as she doesn't earn much (well, she doesn't speak English and she's doing much better there than I did having a fucking IELTS Academic test passed). I couldn't give the address where I lived at the bank etc. So I didn't even have a bank account. Also, I'm skinny and have some problems with health so physical work isn't really for me. I couldn't work in renovations as a helper because it's a hard work. I decided to go back to Poland, take up some other profession, and at least finally get a driver's license. But it's hard to pass an exam here, they still expect a bribe although there are now cameras in all cars. But cars are in a very bad shape. When you release the clutch pedal of a car from the examination centre, you can go all the way because it'd been regulated before so the engine stops. Don't get me wrong but I've been driving cars since I was 16, moving a car after starting engine isn't some pro stuff and I did a lot of crazy things not having a driver's license (not that I was involved in some accident or sth, never, I couldn't get a license then). But anyway, I decided I would go back to London in March / April '12. The hell I did...
My mum found a private university and told me to think it over and maybe start IT studies. Well, the class started in October 2011 and nobody told me. So on the first day in February I was shocked people know one another so well... Of course I have to pass all the exams from the first semester and I have to do it before Feb 2013. I've got a big problem with methadone and clonazepam now. It was much better in London where I could get marihuana just like that and it wasn't some freaky stuff, it was a nice mood-lifting, a bit psychedelic but also helping me fall asleep and numbing my body. I got the contact off the street and it was way better than regular stuff kids living in housing estates here smoke. It helped me lower the dose to 10mg in the morning and I was fine without a dose in the evening which was pretty weird as I need split-dosing to survive the day. Now I'm in Poland and if I don't call someone, I can't get weed. Every 2 weeks I ran out of it and I get so anxious I can't call to anybody. Of course I get back to the old dose of methadone right away... This country is like a forsaken place, a week after I came back I was at my old dose because I couldn't cope with my life. And really nothing awaited for me here so I didn't plan on coming for good. But I started studying, I put some money into it. The problem is I can't study. I can't learn, I can't memorize, I can't focus on one thing because of racing thoughts.
I don't know what really keeps me here. I should have mix morphine with some barbiturate and be gone by now because I'm nothing good to myself and I'm nothing good to my mum I live with. She constantly reproaches me for getting addicted and "fucking your life and my life". It doesn't really help, you know... She helped me a lot with my addiction, I don't know where I'd be now if she hadn't been there for me when I was left with no friends. But now it's like she doesn't really believe that I can quit it, not any more. Just like my psychiatrist who just keeps prescribing me clonazepam and doesn't give a damn, it's me who asks about some taper schedule. If I hadn't done anything, I would be still at my old dose. But anyway, when I've got days like these - I mean I've got no weed and I can feel withdrawal symptoms (and they're really terrible with methadone, you don't know if it's the peak or if it's still building up). I guess I would be in a way better situation if I still shoot up morphine. I would go cold turkey and it'd be done in 2 weeks, with methadone I would suffer 2 months, I guess. It's terrible withdrawing from methadone, I did once and that's why I'm so afraid of it and react this way when I wake up and feel bad.
I tried tapering off a lot of times. I really want to quit, it's clear that I get absolutely nothing positive from drinking this syrup and popping clonazepam pills. My tolerance is so high that it's hardly recreational for me at any dose. Marihuana always helped me with obsessive thoughts about the past. If there's no weed to block these thoughts, I have to take more methadone and more clonazepam to free myself from bad conscience...
Concerning my current studies... Well, although I believed earlier, I'm into computer science, it turned out that it's very boring to me and as I seem to have all the makings of a great chemist, I rather useless as a future programmer or whatever. Though programming languages are the only classes I seem to have some interest in, it's probably because I'm interested in linguistics and foreign languages in general, here it functions similarly (e.g. C# represents a C-family language with syntax looking like a hybrid of C/C++ and Java, so if I can program in C++, I can easily learn C# even if I don't know Java, then if I know C#, learning Java would be no problem etc. etc.). But it's much more complicated, just like chemistry isn't just organic chemistry... I'm supposed to be able to take care of servers and networks after finishing my studies. That's something I don't really find interesting, it's far from something I wanted to do when I was younger.
Also, I'm alone. I literally don't have a single friend or even an acquaintance to go to a club or to a pub. My last relationship ended relatively long time ago. I'm totally alone. And if you're alone, it's hard to go anywhere just by yourself. I don't know if I'm shy or what, I suffer from BPD. I don't trust people easily. I wish I met some woman who would make me feel like there was a reason to live. If not for myself, then for her, to make her happy. If she could only understand that though I'm an addict, I want to stop but I'm just unmotivated and she might just be my best motivation. But on the other hand I don't want to put any person into my misery, it's my shit, and I have no right to ruin some woman's life with my addiction if she can find a proper guy without faults like addiction to opioids and benzodiazepines. She'd have to be an addict herself, I guess, to understand me... That wouldn't lead to anything good if there was addiction in our relationship because sooner or later there'd be nothing but this fucking affliction keeping us together.
I don't know what to do. I would have killed myself long time ago because all these money I have to pay for methadone, could be spent on something valuable. I wouldn't be a problem for my mum but when I tell her that I'm ready to go, this hope for finally meeting someone I would love more than anything is vain. I should get rid of it and stop thinking about love as something that would heal the whole situation. I don't deserve love if I'm addicted. Addiction is like a virus, it spreads fast and it enfeebles everything. I wonder, maybe I still lack that bit of courage to take my life... But the right time seems close. I don't care for anything in my life at the moment, everything is a ruin. Also, after so many years of daily intake of benzodiazepines and so many years of shooting up various opioids from straight morphine through street heroin, hydromorphone from Dilaudid, dextromoramide from Palfium, to synthed in the lab compounds like pentamorphone, 6-methyldihydromorphine, N-phenethylnormorphine, 14-substituted 6-ketones, 6,14-endoetheno/6,14-endoethano compounds, morphinans, fentanyls, pethidines, and whatnot... - I guess my brain is not all right. Thanks to abusing benzodiazepines I probably fucked up my brain's bioelectric activity cycles with brain waves totally inappropriate for the situation (for instance I can't sleep like normal people do, marihuana helped me a lot with sleeping, otherwise I sleep like a few hrs a day and it's not at night so I'm tired all the time).
All that I had to offer for that only one is nothing compared to all this baggage from the past. Life with a person like me wouldn't be a happy life. And I think that life is devoid of any meaning if I cannot share it with another person and give myself totally to that other person. I haven't loved romantically for quite a long time. On one hand I long for this feeling, on the other hand I guess it's much better for me not to be in mad love with someone because I know I would never try to start a relationship being addicted. Besides I wouldn't have guts to walk up to a woman who could be that real one, understanding, loving, caring, well, just like me, putting all of you into the relationship.
I believe that whatever there is waiting for me on the other side is definitely better than this life here.
A continuation...
There is a myth, even believed to be true by most Jews, that the Ottoman Empire loved Jews. Yes, the Sultan did hold out a welcome mat when the Spanish Ethnically Cleansed us BUT he did so only because of the huge amount of money he would be able to extort from us. In general you hear people say that Jews fared much better in the Islamic World than they did amongst European Christendom. The only real difference is that in the first half of the 20th Century the Germans mechanised it and applied an efficient system to its mistreatment of Jews.
I often hear people say, why talk about the Jews and the Holocaust. The Nazis targetted many demographics, what is so unique about the Jewish experience in the Holocaust? Quite simply, only Jews were targetted for extinction. Roma and Sinti, so called "Gypsies," were only considered on a localised basis. Germany did not want them within its territory. There was no long term strategy aimed at erasing them from humankind. The Jews were targetted on a global scale. Had the Nazis triumphed in the Soviet Union and in North Africa they aimed to link up in Iran and at that point there were plans in place to repeat the pattern established in Europe.
I have often heard people- including Jews- say that Anti Semitism is a European invention. That is a tricky statement. In the absolutely literal sense, yes, it is true because the phrase "Anti Semitic" was invented by a German Eugenicist. However, when one makes that statement the natural inference is that Europeans invented the hatred of Jews simply based upon their being Jewish (as opposed to hating them for economic reasons, etc.). THAT is absolutely untrue.
European Anti Semitism began with the Greeks but they based that hatred over philosophical and spiritual reasons as did all Europeans up until the 19th Century. Islam enshrined the hatred of Jews on the rationale that all Jews are inherently evil by virtue of their very existence. Race-based Anti Semitism was "invented" by Arabs at the birth of Islam. Muhammad based his hatred on political and economic rationales but sold it to fellow Arabs on a rationale revolving around race.
I'm especially astonished at the ignoramuses who claim that prior to Zionism Jews and Arabs were at peace. When someone makes this statement I inevitably reply, "Right, the Safed Pofrom of 1834 was what? A love in? Safed 1838? Tiberias 1838? Damascus 1834? Hebron 1956? Jerusalem 1834? 1920? 1929? Even in the supposed "Golden Age of Islam" in al Andalus (Spain), Muslim Arabs and Berbers had pogroms and enforced conversions.
In day to day life our existence was hellish. The leader of each Jewish Community was given a hard slap in his face on a ceremonial basis each year in front of cheering throngs of Muslims. Islam dictates that Jews are classified as Dhimmi. Dhimmitude was a sub-human existence. Even in the "welcoming" Ottoman Empire one could not escape Dhimmitude. We were forbidden from wearing any colour other than black or grey. We had to wear blue shoes. We could not carry weapons in a society where this equalled emasculation. We could not strike a Muslim even if he was raping your wife or stealing your child. Each year we were forced to pay a special, very steep tax simply for being Jews. We could not build new houses or worship or even refurbish existing ones. We could not ride horses inside any municipality. We could not own property within site of Islamic houses of worship. We could not charge a non-Muslim with a crime unless we had 2 Muslim witnesses, and Islam specifically forbids Muslims testifying against other Muslims in the benefit of non-Muslims. Even small children regularly spat in our faces. If a Muslim charged us with disrespect, a crime, we had to pay him a steep fine because all schools of Islamic Jurisprudence hold that in cases where a Jew and a Muslim a Muslim are involved, the Muslim need only swear that he was being truthful. Obviously we were charged a lot of times for a lot of money. Failure to pay got us 40 lashes, even our children.
Both my parents' families lived under the Ottomans. Mum, as noted, in Trans- D'niester, a breakaway republic from Moldova today, on the border of the Ukraine (historically part of Bessarabia), and dad in Hebron, in the so called "West Bank," which until 1948 had simply been called Judaea. My father's family has 3 strands. The first, the main part, are Judaeans who never went into exile. The second group are like my mum's, refugees from the Spanish Ethnic Cleansing of fourteen ninety-two who migrated into Ottoman lands. The 3rd strand are from an area near Minsk in the former Soviet Union. They migrated to Hebron in 1843 and ended up marrying into our clan in eighteen sixty-three. That group from Minsk were Lubavitcher Chassidim but because Chassidim (Hassidic Jews) worship in the Sephardic (Jews from Iberia beforefourteen ninety-two) manner they were able to marry into my clan.
Just like Tristam Shandy I can take 6 entries just to offer background on a single sentence. At least now, if you haven't been lulled to sleep or else scared off, you will understand more about our protagonist, the "Hassidic Pablo Escobar" and his background as a Satmar Chassid.
The documentary I mentioned in my previous entry followed Leibowitz around as he re-entered the very small and perhaps claustrophobic world of the Satmar in London's Stamford Hill neighbourhood. Just as in any Jewish neighbourhood neighbours paid far too much attention to Leibowitz's comings and goings and he began chafing at it. Soon he had quit his job as a cook's assistant in a Satmar-owned nursing home and began working as a Stand Over Man (in American-speak, he began working as an Enforcer, hired muscle). A friend owned rental properties and when a non-Jewish tenant became delinquent Leibowitz would open the property's door and unleash a couple of hungry Alsatians. Needless to say this method was highly effective at evicting non-compliant tenants.
On camera Leibowitz admitted that he was a mule, bragging that his Chassidic garb nearly made him invulnerable to counter-narcotics measures in the world's airports. Of course in the late-1990s things changed in a huge way. Israel's very large Organised Crime "families" cornered the international MDMA (Ecstasy) Market. Smuggling large amounts of tablets they began recruiting Chassidic men to serve as mules. When law enforcement agencies got hip to yhis subterfuge word spread quickly and men like Leibowitz began falling like flies. In the end the suggestion given by the documentary was that Leibowitz would once again be jumping into the game, as his ankle monitoring device was removed. This was a far different impression than the one offered by the National Geograpic episode.
After watching that episode of "Banged Up Abroad" (the American version being "Locked Up Abroad") I watched a documentary by the seriously-retarded David Ickes. It never ceases to amaze me how otherwise intelligent people can warp their minds to the nth degree. Here is a bloke who played professional football ("soccer") and parlezed that into a sportscasting gig that evidently made him moderately well known in his native Great Britain. The walls suddenly came crashing down one day when he revealed that he had learned a great and awesome secret; the world is controlled by a tiny group of inter-dimensional shapeshifting reptillian beings. Hey, nothing strange there, right?
As time went on Ickes became more and more demented and combined the New World Order Conspiracy bullshit with his "shapeshifting reptillian" fantasy. Of course we Jews were bound to show up in such a loony tune worldview. Alas, Zionists ARE the most powerful of the shapeshifting reptillians. We Zionists control the media, the entertainment industry, most Western governments, create wars to line our pockets and discuss such things at Bilderberg. One might have imagined that shapeshifters who are able to traverse different dimensions MIGHT have no need for meeting in Switzerland but it makes no difference to such imbeciles.
Aaaah, the world as I know it.
There is a myth, even believed to be true by most Jews, that the Ottoman Empire loved Jews. Yes, the Sultan did hold out a welcome mat when the Spanish Ethnically Cleansed us BUT he did so only because of the huge amount of money he would be able to extort from us. In general you hear people say that Jews fared much better in the Islamic World than they did amongst European Christendom. The only real difference is that in the first half of the 20th Century the Germans mechanised it and applied an efficient system to its mistreatment of Jews.
I often hear people say, why talk about the Jews and the Holocaust. The Nazis targetted many demographics, what is so unique about the Jewish experience in the Holocaust? Quite simply, only Jews were targetted for extinction. Roma and Sinti, so called "Gypsies," were only considered on a localised basis. Germany did not want them within its territory. There was no long term strategy aimed at erasing them from humankind. The Jews were targetted on a global scale. Had the Nazis triumphed in the Soviet Union and in North Africa they aimed to link up in Iran and at that point there were plans in place to repeat the pattern established in Europe.
I have often heard people- including Jews- say that Anti Semitism is a European invention. That is a tricky statement. In the absolutely literal sense, yes, it is true because the phrase "Anti Semitic" was invented by a German Eugenicist. However, when one makes that statement the natural inference is that Europeans invented the hatred of Jews simply based upon their being Jewish (as opposed to hating them for economic reasons, etc.). THAT is absolutely untrue.
European Anti Semitism began with the Greeks but they based that hatred over philosophical and spiritual reasons as did all Europeans up until the 19th Century. Islam enshrined the hatred of Jews on the rationale that all Jews are inherently evil by virtue of their very existence. Race-based Anti Semitism was "invented" by Arabs at the birth of Islam. Muhammad based his hatred on political and economic rationales but sold it to fellow Arabs on a rationale revolving around race.
I'm especially astonished at the ignoramuses who claim that prior to Zionism Jews and Arabs were at peace. When someone makes this statement I inevitably reply, "Right, the Safed Pofrom of 1834 was what? A love in? Safed 1838? Tiberias 1838? Damascus 1834? Hebron 1956? Jerusalem 1834? 1920? 1929? Even in the supposed "Golden Age of Islam" in al Andalus (Spain), Muslim Arabs and Berbers had pogroms and enforced conversions.
In day to day life our existence was hellish. The leader of each Jewish Community was given a hard slap in his face on a ceremonial basis each year in front of cheering throngs of Muslims. Islam dictates that Jews are classified as Dhimmi. Dhimmitude was a sub-human existence. Even in the "welcoming" Ottoman Empire one could not escape Dhimmitude. We were forbidden from wearing any colour other than black or grey. We had to wear blue shoes. We could not carry weapons in a society where this equalled emasculation. We could not strike a Muslim even if he was raping your wife or stealing your child. Each year we were forced to pay a special, very steep tax simply for being Jews. We could not build new houses or worship or even refurbish existing ones. We could not ride horses inside any municipality. We could not own property within site of Islamic houses of worship. We could not charge a non-Muslim with a crime unless we had 2 Muslim witnesses, and Islam specifically forbids Muslims testifying against other Muslims in the benefit of non-Muslims. Even small children regularly spat in our faces. If a Muslim charged us with disrespect, a crime, we had to pay him a steep fine because all schools of Islamic Jurisprudence hold that in cases where a Jew and a Muslim a Muslim are involved, the Muslim need only swear that he was being truthful. Obviously we were charged a lot of times for a lot of money. Failure to pay got us 40 lashes, even our children.
Both my parents' families lived under the Ottomans. Mum, as noted, in Trans- D'niester, a breakaway republic from Moldova today, on the border of the Ukraine (historically part of Bessarabia), and dad in Hebron, in the so called "West Bank," which until 1948 had simply been called Judaea. My father's family has 3 strands. The first, the main part, are Judaeans who never went into exile. The second group are like my mum's, refugees from the Spanish Ethnic Cleansing of fourteen ninety-two who migrated into Ottoman lands. The 3rd strand are from an area near Minsk in the former Soviet Union. They migrated to Hebron in 1843 and ended up marrying into our clan in eighteen sixty-three. That group from Minsk were Lubavitcher Chassidim but because Chassidim (Hassidic Jews) worship in the Sephardic (Jews from Iberia beforefourteen ninety-two) manner they were able to marry into my clan.
Just like Tristam Shandy I can take 6 entries just to offer background on a single sentence. At least now, if you haven't been lulled to sleep or else scared off, you will understand more about our protagonist, the "Hassidic Pablo Escobar" and his background as a Satmar Chassid.
The documentary I mentioned in my previous entry followed Leibowitz around as he re-entered the very small and perhaps claustrophobic world of the Satmar in London's Stamford Hill neighbourhood. Just as in any Jewish neighbourhood neighbours paid far too much attention to Leibowitz's comings and goings and he began chafing at it. Soon he had quit his job as a cook's assistant in a Satmar-owned nursing home and began working as a Stand Over Man (in American-speak, he began working as an Enforcer, hired muscle). A friend owned rental properties and when a non-Jewish tenant became delinquent Leibowitz would open the property's door and unleash a couple of hungry Alsatians. Needless to say this method was highly effective at evicting non-compliant tenants.
On camera Leibowitz admitted that he was a mule, bragging that his Chassidic garb nearly made him invulnerable to counter-narcotics measures in the world's airports. Of course in the late-1990s things changed in a huge way. Israel's very large Organised Crime "families" cornered the international MDMA (Ecstasy) Market. Smuggling large amounts of tablets they began recruiting Chassidic men to serve as mules. When law enforcement agencies got hip to yhis subterfuge word spread quickly and men like Leibowitz began falling like flies. In the end the suggestion given by the documentary was that Leibowitz would once again be jumping into the game, as his ankle monitoring device was removed. This was a far different impression than the one offered by the National Geograpic episode.
After watching that episode of "Banged Up Abroad" (the American version being "Locked Up Abroad") I watched a documentary by the seriously-retarded David Ickes. It never ceases to amaze me how otherwise intelligent people can warp their minds to the nth degree. Here is a bloke who played professional football ("soccer") and parlezed that into a sportscasting gig that evidently made him moderately well known in his native Great Britain. The walls suddenly came crashing down one day when he revealed that he had learned a great and awesome secret; the world is controlled by a tiny group of inter-dimensional shapeshifting reptillian beings. Hey, nothing strange there, right?
As time went on Ickes became more and more demented and combined the New World Order Conspiracy bullshit with his "shapeshifting reptillian" fantasy. Of course we Jews were bound to show up in such a loony tune worldview. Alas, Zionists ARE the most powerful of the shapeshifting reptillians. We Zionists control the media, the entertainment industry, most Western governments, create wars to line our pockets and discuss such things at Bilderberg. One might have imagined that shapeshifters who are able to traverse different dimensions MIGHT have no need for meeting in Switzerland but it makes no difference to such imbeciles.
Aaaah, the world as I know it.
Hello world first blog on bluelight. Couldn't sleep last night so I stayed up reading a numerous people whom I have a lot of respect fors blog's. It was a really interesting experience. It can be easy to forget that the people on this website are just like you and me, PEOPLE. Sometimes when flying through posts they are just an account name to me, but reading their blogs allowed me to see more of who they really are as a person. I'll throw out a little background info on myself, my name is Jason I'm 22 years old and I'm from Massachusetts going to a good university in Boston studying Biochemistry. I am also a heroin addict who has been struggling with it for almost two years now.
My addiction has really put the strains on my family, I had to take medical leave from my school due to my addiction having the upperhand. This was about a year ago. I couldn't go to class without being high and even if I was getting high I never did the work I just hung out with my junkie friends playing FIFA all night. At the time I was still together with my ex girlfriend who is the love of my life. Fast forward about 9 months and I'm living at home going to rehab trying to get clean so I can get back into school. My parents think I'm clean but I'm also on the last straw with them, if I relapse again I'm out of the house living at a shelter. Eventually I go camping for a weekend with my dad and girlfriend we bring plenty of dope for the 5 day trip. By day 3 we finish off our dope, and I wake up day 4 freaking out thinking there is no way in hell I can go these next two days without dope. I brainstorm some bullshit to tell my Dad as to why I have to bring my girlfriend home early so she can do some work or whatever. We get back to her house and she steals a check from her mom for an account that has tons of money and it's also an account that she hasn't looked at in years. We grab six half gram bags and head on back to her house to drop her off. Obviously before we get there we make a pit stop so we can shoot some of the dope. We were still very new to shooting at this point and so we both got extremely jammed. We arrive at her house where I'm looking to just drop her off and get back to the campground with my Dad. Her mom insists that I come in for a little bit to have a meal since I hadn't seen her parents in a while. I should've stressed that I had to get going, but I agreed to go inside. Her parents sit us down immediately and start tearing us a new one. Of course our junkie luck would run out that day and she decided to look at her account. She even told us that it was the first time that she'd check it in over a year and half but she had a gut feeling to look at it today. God damn that gut of hers. The jig was up, they knew we were using again and obviously they were going to inform my parents. The 2 hour drive back to my Dad was the worst drive in the history of mankind. All I could think about was that I'm about to spend two days with my dad camping while he knows that I'm using again, and as soon as we get back from the trip I'm going to be driven to a homeless shelter to start the next chapter of my life.
The camping trip after that was a blur as luckily I had a gram of dope left and pretty much kept myself in a dope coma for the rest of the trip. Upon arriving back home after the trip my mom and sister are there and you could honestly feel the tension as you walked through my house. God it was such a terrible experience. My family and I sat down and decided what the next step would be. I begged with them to let me go to detox and come back home right after. They weren't having any of that, we had tried it multiple times and a relapse always ensued not long after returning home. My parents were so fed up with me that they decided to pay for detox but that was going to be our last piece of contact for a long time. Once I was in detox I was on my own. I had to find a program my insurance would cover or find a sober house to live and work at. I realized that if I didn't work my ass off in detox I wasn't going to ever get clean, I was never going to get my family back and I most certainly was never going to finish school. These were all very important things to me. I was at my counselors office all day everyday while I was at detox telling him my situation and how desperately I needed to be placed somewhere. After 9 days we got me placed at a very nice rehab on Cape Cod in mass. He told me parents how diligent I had been there and how serious I was taking it and my parents started talking to me again. They were happy I was going to a program and they were going to drive me. Things were turning up.
The rehab really opened my eyes to the disease of addiction. They brought structure back into my life and they helped me open up and receive help for my issues as well as helping others when I could. They ingrained into me that I needed to do a meeting everyday. I graduated 30 days later with 43 days clean including detox, the most clean time I had ever had. My parents let me back into the house and gave me my car and cell phone, giving me the terms that I could have all the freedom I wanted but if I choose to abuse those freedoms and relapse I'm out of the house. Things were going really well at home for a while, I was doing at least one meeting a day, two on the weekends. Making tons of friends in the program, contacting and hanging out with sober people. I was also doing an IOP monday through friday. I was clean and loving it, my Dad told me he was so happy to have his son back. I reached 90 days clean, something I never though was possible. I got accepted back into Northeastern University from medical leave....my counselor wrote me an amazing recommendation.
Then I chose to gamble it all away. Before the first day of classes I chose to pick up. That was about a week and a half ago. I have been shooting dope constantly since about that time. Not only that but I have been shooting a lot of speedballs as well. I'm really scared of what the hell is happening, this totally blind sided me. I was doing so well, I was so happy, everything had fallen into place, why am I doing this to myself? If I don't nip this run right fucking now then I am going to lose everything I worked so hard for in the past 90 days. I'm shooting speedballs as I write this, a sick and twisted individual saying he is ruining everything while merrily shooting drugs.
So Jason what'll it be a great sober life with hard work and dedication or strung out and miserable? It shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Your in danger of walking straight off the edge off the cliff, but you know all you have to do is stop and about face.
My addiction has really put the strains on my family, I had to take medical leave from my school due to my addiction having the upperhand. This was about a year ago. I couldn't go to class without being high and even if I was getting high I never did the work I just hung out with my junkie friends playing FIFA all night. At the time I was still together with my ex girlfriend who is the love of my life. Fast forward about 9 months and I'm living at home going to rehab trying to get clean so I can get back into school. My parents think I'm clean but I'm also on the last straw with them, if I relapse again I'm out of the house living at a shelter. Eventually I go camping for a weekend with my dad and girlfriend we bring plenty of dope for the 5 day trip. By day 3 we finish off our dope, and I wake up day 4 freaking out thinking there is no way in hell I can go these next two days without dope. I brainstorm some bullshit to tell my Dad as to why I have to bring my girlfriend home early so she can do some work or whatever. We get back to her house and she steals a check from her mom for an account that has tons of money and it's also an account that she hasn't looked at in years. We grab six half gram bags and head on back to her house to drop her off. Obviously before we get there we make a pit stop so we can shoot some of the dope. We were still very new to shooting at this point and so we both got extremely jammed. We arrive at her house where I'm looking to just drop her off and get back to the campground with my Dad. Her mom insists that I come in for a little bit to have a meal since I hadn't seen her parents in a while. I should've stressed that I had to get going, but I agreed to go inside. Her parents sit us down immediately and start tearing us a new one. Of course our junkie luck would run out that day and she decided to look at her account. She even told us that it was the first time that she'd check it in over a year and half but she had a gut feeling to look at it today. God damn that gut of hers. The jig was up, they knew we were using again and obviously they were going to inform my parents. The 2 hour drive back to my Dad was the worst drive in the history of mankind. All I could think about was that I'm about to spend two days with my dad camping while he knows that I'm using again, and as soon as we get back from the trip I'm going to be driven to a homeless shelter to start the next chapter of my life.
The camping trip after that was a blur as luckily I had a gram of dope left and pretty much kept myself in a dope coma for the rest of the trip. Upon arriving back home after the trip my mom and sister are there and you could honestly feel the tension as you walked through my house. God it was such a terrible experience. My family and I sat down and decided what the next step would be. I begged with them to let me go to detox and come back home right after. They weren't having any of that, we had tried it multiple times and a relapse always ensued not long after returning home. My parents were so fed up with me that they decided to pay for detox but that was going to be our last piece of contact for a long time. Once I was in detox I was on my own. I had to find a program my insurance would cover or find a sober house to live and work at. I realized that if I didn't work my ass off in detox I wasn't going to ever get clean, I was never going to get my family back and I most certainly was never going to finish school. These were all very important things to me. I was at my counselors office all day everyday while I was at detox telling him my situation and how desperately I needed to be placed somewhere. After 9 days we got me placed at a very nice rehab on Cape Cod in mass. He told me parents how diligent I had been there and how serious I was taking it and my parents started talking to me again. They were happy I was going to a program and they were going to drive me. Things were turning up.
The rehab really opened my eyes to the disease of addiction. They brought structure back into my life and they helped me open up and receive help for my issues as well as helping others when I could. They ingrained into me that I needed to do a meeting everyday. I graduated 30 days later with 43 days clean including detox, the most clean time I had ever had. My parents let me back into the house and gave me my car and cell phone, giving me the terms that I could have all the freedom I wanted but if I choose to abuse those freedoms and relapse I'm out of the house. Things were going really well at home for a while, I was doing at least one meeting a day, two on the weekends. Making tons of friends in the program, contacting and hanging out with sober people. I was also doing an IOP monday through friday. I was clean and loving it, my Dad told me he was so happy to have his son back. I reached 90 days clean, something I never though was possible. I got accepted back into Northeastern University from medical leave....my counselor wrote me an amazing recommendation.
Then I chose to gamble it all away. Before the first day of classes I chose to pick up. That was about a week and a half ago. I have been shooting dope constantly since about that time. Not only that but I have been shooting a lot of speedballs as well. I'm really scared of what the hell is happening, this totally blind sided me. I was doing so well, I was so happy, everything had fallen into place, why am I doing this to myself? If I don't nip this run right fucking now then I am going to lose everything I worked so hard for in the past 90 days. I'm shooting speedballs as I write this, a sick and twisted individual saying he is ruining everything while merrily shooting drugs.
So Jason what'll it be a great sober life with hard work and dedication or strung out and miserable? It shouldn't be that hard of a decision. Your in danger of walking straight off the edge off the cliff, but you know all you have to do is stop and about face.
The show Weeds is awesome and I think it is good for America. I know it is NOT the perfect representation of Cannabis culture, but it does give a shine a good ray of light on the Cannabis community towards "Lower" and "Middle" class Americans that wish to believe that they are "Middle" and "Upper" class Americans, via the use of "Intentional Debt" such as a 30 year mortgage, and cars owned by the bank. These people are who make up most of America and they are also the one's who would be watching HBO, or ShoTime or whatever it was on originally (But now it's on Netflix). When they watch this show they see people that they recognize, smoking weed.
And THAT is how Cannabis Culture can effect politics. When people watch TV and see people they can identify with smoking weed.
In the 60's, Abbie Hoffman was on the news all the time. He knew that when kids and (some) people at home saw REGULAR people in the streets, getting attacked by police in riot gear, the people at home wouldn't identify with the armed men. They would identify with the unarmed citizens being attacked, which was a HUGE part of why the REVOLUTION (that's what it was) was as successful as it was (though it did fade out after Woodstock and the invention of the CIA).
But anyways. I saw Weeds a while back, but I missed seasons 1 and 2. And now there is season 7 so I haven't seen that yet. But I have now seen season 1 and 2, just finished season 3 about to watch 4 (I'm watching all the ones I saw again, since it's been like 2 years and I only saw them all once).
And THAT is how Cannabis Culture can effect politics. When people watch TV and see people they can identify with smoking weed.
In the 60's, Abbie Hoffman was on the news all the time. He knew that when kids and (some) people at home saw REGULAR people in the streets, getting attacked by police in riot gear, the people at home wouldn't identify with the armed men. They would identify with the unarmed citizens being attacked, which was a HUGE part of why the REVOLUTION (that's what it was) was as successful as it was (though it did fade out after Woodstock and the invention of the CIA).
But anyways. I saw Weeds a while back, but I missed seasons 1 and 2. And now there is season 7 so I haven't seen that yet. But I have now seen season 1 and 2, just finished season 3 about to watch 4 (I'm watching all the ones I saw again, since it's been like 2 years and I only saw them all once).
A continuation...
National Geographic called him the "Hassidic Pablo Escobar" so I was curious as to see how big of a player he was. I have an uncle on my mum's side, his name is Harry Ackerman. A decade ago Uncle Harry was bagged. The DEA, which loves to exaggerate labeled him the Cali Cartel's point man in America. While my uncle was NOT the head of the Cali Cartel's US pipeline he did move serious weight. Uncle Harry is a Chassid (Hassid), yet here was this bloke on National Geographic that I had never heard of.
Looking into the matter I discovered that Shmuel "Samuel" Leibowitz, of Stamford Hill in London was nothing more than a common mule. He claims he can swallow a kilo of pellets and apparently has mastered his gag reflex. What National Geigraphic never mentioned was that Leibowitz ALSO did time in England in addition to Brasil and Israel. In fact, THAT jailtime was AFTER returning to England after his stint in an Israeli prison. Some may recall that after failing to save the life of a junkie in an Israeli prison Leibowitz claimed to have realised the dangers of drugs and dedicated himself towards saving young people from the dangers and horrors of drugs. Apparently THAT was NOT the case...In any event, it was his English bid that allowed me to learn a lot more about the man.
An assimilated Jew living in England was making a documentary on English Jews and was doing in depth profiles of people who break the stereotype most Westerners have of a studiious person who either ends up as a white collar professional if at all assimilated or else a studious person who ends up wearing centuries old styles of clothing and having several children by the age of 25. Leibowitz DEFINITELY breaks stereotypes.
Drug use is not uncommon amongst Jews. Non Jews might be very suprised that Judaism is very intune to human needs. Sex is one of the highest forms of worship, gambling is practiced by even the youngest children and psychoactive use is a commandment. Judaism however teaches moderation and controls every aspect of one's behavior, from how one eats to how one uses the bathroom. In such a system addiction is not commonplace.
With Jews who lead assimilated- or even partially assimilated lives- it has been my own observation that psychoactive use is ALSO widespread. Without the societal pressures religious Jews face though, addiction is sadly (fairly) common. It would make for some decent peer reviwed studies to examine just why this is. Addiction is believed to result from a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors that intersect in an opportunistic scenario. Excepting 1st generation converts and 3 Jewish groups (Ethiopian Jews and 2 of India's 3 Jewish Communities) , every Jew on the planet is related to within the 4th degree. Ergo, there is I assume a strong genetic predisposition to addicton amongst Jews.
Samuel Leibowitz is a Satmar Chassid. Chassidic Judaism emerged in the 18th Century as a response to the prevailing Jewish ethos in Eastern Europe at that time which held that study of Judaism was, next to worship, the most important endeavour any man could ever hope to do. Beginning at age 3 and until he died, Jewish males buried themselves in texts written in ancient languages that none of them spoke naturally. Dedicating their lives to arcane issues whose relevance was rooted a a continent away in the Pre-Christian Era, these Jews neglected fundamental aspects of their faith. Judaism, above all else, is a guide to life and to fufill its potential an adherant needs to enjoy life fully.
The Jews of Eastern Europe were confined to what was called the "Pale of Settlement." Within that Pale, or as we Jews call it, "Galitziya" (Galicia), a day care worker named Yisrael Ben Eliezer began preaching that worship of the Creator should be joyous. One should dance with abandon, sing, pray outdoors, in natural environments and that doing so in one's native language was not only permissable but desired since it allowed one to communicate more clearly. Although the Creator knows one's heart, expression is meritous. Ben Eliezer soon attracted a large following from amongst the very poor and uneducated who felt alienated from the scholars who studied in deep solemnity from dawn until well past dusk.
As with any well established system the orthodoxy went apeshit and labeled the movement, which had adopted the name of an ancient Jewish movement, the Chassidim (Hassidics), meaning the "Joyous Ones," as heritics and blasphemers. Eventually the establishment was forced to accomodate the Chassidim owing to their exponential increase.
Ben Eliezer was given the honourific "Ba'al Shem Tov," or "Master of the Good Name," and although he was greatly revered he eschewed any suggestions that he establish a large retinue and all the trappings of the prevailing orthodoxy. Ben Eliezer remained true to his teachings and taught his disciples and followers that he was no different than they, that anyone could directly approach the Creator. Intercessionism was anathema to his teachings.
After Ben Eliezer died his closest disciples began attracting their own disciples and despite it being diametrically opposed to Ben Eliezer's teachings, these original disciples began forming dynastic courts, heriditary positions as intercessionairies for their very loyal followers. Within 2 generations these dynasties began conforming to the orthodoxy Chassidism had fought so hard to overcome. At that point the great-grandson of Ben Eliezer, a man named Nachman Ben Simcha began preaching against this perversion of his great-grandfather's original message. Unlike all other Chassidic Schools Ben Simacha's never saw its founder as anything more than an insightful man and teacher. His followers thoroughly rejected intercession and instead concentrated on the founding principles of Chassidism.
Ben Simcha died in his 30s of tuberculosis. Known by his followers as Rebbe Nachman, or Nachman of Breslov, ("Rebbe" is a Chassidic term for an esteemed rabbi) until the present us still the only Rebbe of his School, known as "Breslov Chassidishe" (Breslov Hassidism). My mum's family are Breslov Chassidim and of course so was Uncle Harry.
Samuel Leibowitz on the other hand, as I had noted, is a Satmar Chassid. The Satmar get their name from the town of Satu Mare in a part of the Pale that has belonged to both Rumania and Hungary depending on the period. Centered now in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, here in New York City, they have their own village 2 hours north of the city, Kiryas Joel. Situated within the municipality of Monroe in Orange County. When the last Satmar Rebbe died, Rebbe Teitlebaum, his 2 sons Aharon and Yo'el began battling over succession. Showing how perverted such "fake" Chassidic Schools are, they employed violence along the lines or arson and drive by shootings. In the end one got Kiryas Joel and the other got Williamsburg.
Samuel Leibowitz grew up in the much smaller grouping in London's Stamford Hill section. The documentary filmmaker escorted Leibowitz's brother Yitzchak (Isaac) to pick Leibowitz up after his early release from prison. Fitted with an ankle monitor for 6 months he settled into a flat lent by a fellow Satmar and began working as an assistant cook in a nursing home also owned by a fellow Satmar. Very quickly Leiberman began chafing at the restrictions on him, both by British authorities as well as the Satmar Community.
Though a good portion of my education, up until age 12, was in a Breslov Chaddishe school I was not raised in that world. My mum was Sephardic (Ladino speaking, "Ladino" being 16th Century Castillian Spanish combined with Arabic, Turkish and Hebrew), not Ashkenazi (Yiddish speaking, "Yiddish" being 12th Century German, a smattering of Eastern European languages and Hebrew. Chassidim are Ashkenazim. She was from Trans-D'niester on the border of Bessarabia (now Moldova) and the Ukraine. After the USSR fell apart at the dawn of the 1990s Trans-D'niester became a breakaway enclave like Nagorno-Karbakh inbetween Armenia and Azeribijan. It became a regular killing field that made the Balkans look tame. Today it is nominally independent, only recognised by Russia and a couple of other nations. Known as "Pridnestrovian Moldavian Repulic," or PMR, it is probably the least known European nation, along with being the pooresr and most militarised.
My mum's clan was part of the huge Sephardic Exodus after Spain Ethnically Cleansed the newly unified state of Jews and Muslims in 1492. They originally moved from Granada to Istanbul, as the Ottoman Sultan welcomed the Jewish and Muslim refugees from Spain.
To be continued...
National Geographic called him the "Hassidic Pablo Escobar" so I was curious as to see how big of a player he was. I have an uncle on my mum's side, his name is Harry Ackerman. A decade ago Uncle Harry was bagged. The DEA, which loves to exaggerate labeled him the Cali Cartel's point man in America. While my uncle was NOT the head of the Cali Cartel's US pipeline he did move serious weight. Uncle Harry is a Chassid (Hassid), yet here was this bloke on National Geographic that I had never heard of.
Looking into the matter I discovered that Shmuel "Samuel" Leibowitz, of Stamford Hill in London was nothing more than a common mule. He claims he can swallow a kilo of pellets and apparently has mastered his gag reflex. What National Geigraphic never mentioned was that Leibowitz ALSO did time in England in addition to Brasil and Israel. In fact, THAT jailtime was AFTER returning to England after his stint in an Israeli prison. Some may recall that after failing to save the life of a junkie in an Israeli prison Leibowitz claimed to have realised the dangers of drugs and dedicated himself towards saving young people from the dangers and horrors of drugs. Apparently THAT was NOT the case...In any event, it was his English bid that allowed me to learn a lot more about the man.
An assimilated Jew living in England was making a documentary on English Jews and was doing in depth profiles of people who break the stereotype most Westerners have of a studiious person who either ends up as a white collar professional if at all assimilated or else a studious person who ends up wearing centuries old styles of clothing and having several children by the age of 25. Leibowitz DEFINITELY breaks stereotypes.
Drug use is not uncommon amongst Jews. Non Jews might be very suprised that Judaism is very intune to human needs. Sex is one of the highest forms of worship, gambling is practiced by even the youngest children and psychoactive use is a commandment. Judaism however teaches moderation and controls every aspect of one's behavior, from how one eats to how one uses the bathroom. In such a system addiction is not commonplace.
With Jews who lead assimilated- or even partially assimilated lives- it has been my own observation that psychoactive use is ALSO widespread. Without the societal pressures religious Jews face though, addiction is sadly (fairly) common. It would make for some decent peer reviwed studies to examine just why this is. Addiction is believed to result from a combination of genetic predisposition and environmental factors that intersect in an opportunistic scenario. Excepting 1st generation converts and 3 Jewish groups (Ethiopian Jews and 2 of India's 3 Jewish Communities) , every Jew on the planet is related to within the 4th degree. Ergo, there is I assume a strong genetic predisposition to addicton amongst Jews.
Samuel Leibowitz is a Satmar Chassid. Chassidic Judaism emerged in the 18th Century as a response to the prevailing Jewish ethos in Eastern Europe at that time which held that study of Judaism was, next to worship, the most important endeavour any man could ever hope to do. Beginning at age 3 and until he died, Jewish males buried themselves in texts written in ancient languages that none of them spoke naturally. Dedicating their lives to arcane issues whose relevance was rooted a a continent away in the Pre-Christian Era, these Jews neglected fundamental aspects of their faith. Judaism, above all else, is a guide to life and to fufill its potential an adherant needs to enjoy life fully.
The Jews of Eastern Europe were confined to what was called the "Pale of Settlement." Within that Pale, or as we Jews call it, "Galitziya" (Galicia), a day care worker named Yisrael Ben Eliezer began preaching that worship of the Creator should be joyous. One should dance with abandon, sing, pray outdoors, in natural environments and that doing so in one's native language was not only permissable but desired since it allowed one to communicate more clearly. Although the Creator knows one's heart, expression is meritous. Ben Eliezer soon attracted a large following from amongst the very poor and uneducated who felt alienated from the scholars who studied in deep solemnity from dawn until well past dusk.
As with any well established system the orthodoxy went apeshit and labeled the movement, which had adopted the name of an ancient Jewish movement, the Chassidim (Hassidics), meaning the "Joyous Ones," as heritics and blasphemers. Eventually the establishment was forced to accomodate the Chassidim owing to their exponential increase.
Ben Eliezer was given the honourific "Ba'al Shem Tov," or "Master of the Good Name," and although he was greatly revered he eschewed any suggestions that he establish a large retinue and all the trappings of the prevailing orthodoxy. Ben Eliezer remained true to his teachings and taught his disciples and followers that he was no different than they, that anyone could directly approach the Creator. Intercessionism was anathema to his teachings.
After Ben Eliezer died his closest disciples began attracting their own disciples and despite it being diametrically opposed to Ben Eliezer's teachings, these original disciples began forming dynastic courts, heriditary positions as intercessionairies for their very loyal followers. Within 2 generations these dynasties began conforming to the orthodoxy Chassidism had fought so hard to overcome. At that point the great-grandson of Ben Eliezer, a man named Nachman Ben Simcha began preaching against this perversion of his great-grandfather's original message. Unlike all other Chassidic Schools Ben Simacha's never saw its founder as anything more than an insightful man and teacher. His followers thoroughly rejected intercession and instead concentrated on the founding principles of Chassidism.
Ben Simcha died in his 30s of tuberculosis. Known by his followers as Rebbe Nachman, or Nachman of Breslov, ("Rebbe" is a Chassidic term for an esteemed rabbi) until the present us still the only Rebbe of his School, known as "Breslov Chassidishe" (Breslov Hassidism). My mum's family are Breslov Chassidim and of course so was Uncle Harry.
Samuel Leibowitz on the other hand, as I had noted, is a Satmar Chassid. The Satmar get their name from the town of Satu Mare in a part of the Pale that has belonged to both Rumania and Hungary depending on the period. Centered now in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, here in New York City, they have their own village 2 hours north of the city, Kiryas Joel. Situated within the municipality of Monroe in Orange County. When the last Satmar Rebbe died, Rebbe Teitlebaum, his 2 sons Aharon and Yo'el began battling over succession. Showing how perverted such "fake" Chassidic Schools are, they employed violence along the lines or arson and drive by shootings. In the end one got Kiryas Joel and the other got Williamsburg.
Samuel Leibowitz grew up in the much smaller grouping in London's Stamford Hill section. The documentary filmmaker escorted Leibowitz's brother Yitzchak (Isaac) to pick Leibowitz up after his early release from prison. Fitted with an ankle monitor for 6 months he settled into a flat lent by a fellow Satmar and began working as an assistant cook in a nursing home also owned by a fellow Satmar. Very quickly Leiberman began chafing at the restrictions on him, both by British authorities as well as the Satmar Community.
Though a good portion of my education, up until age 12, was in a Breslov Chaddishe school I was not raised in that world. My mum was Sephardic (Ladino speaking, "Ladino" being 16th Century Castillian Spanish combined with Arabic, Turkish and Hebrew), not Ashkenazi (Yiddish speaking, "Yiddish" being 12th Century German, a smattering of Eastern European languages and Hebrew. Chassidim are Ashkenazim. She was from Trans-D'niester on the border of Bessarabia (now Moldova) and the Ukraine. After the USSR fell apart at the dawn of the 1990s Trans-D'niester became a breakaway enclave like Nagorno-Karbakh inbetween Armenia and Azeribijan. It became a regular killing field that made the Balkans look tame. Today it is nominally independent, only recognised by Russia and a couple of other nations. Known as "Pridnestrovian Moldavian Repulic," or PMR, it is probably the least known European nation, along with being the pooresr and most militarised.
My mum's clan was part of the huge Sephardic Exodus after Spain Ethnically Cleansed the newly unified state of Jews and Muslims in 1492. They originally moved from Granada to Istanbul, as the Ottoman Sultan welcomed the Jewish and Muslim refugees from Spain.
To be continued...
Haven't posted a blog in quite a while... as a matter of fact, up until about a week ago, I hadn't even bothered to log onto BL. Why was that you might ask? Well.. what the fuck do you think? I was strung to the damn gills on heroin for almost 12 months straight. Hah. So what's new with me? Well, I went to detox for 2 weeks.. had a seizure, some other serious unpleasantness, and was basically told by the nurses that I was doing so much heroin for so many days consecutively, that they didn't even have the permission to give me the dosage of meds I would have needed, and that coming in without weening down considerably was a horrible mistake... No lie, one nurse.. (a really cool old time junkie) told me I should actually go back out, get re-strung out on a much smaller habit and then come back and kick that.. this was said on day 8 mind you, right after I had my seizure... 8(
Anyway, I made it.. still alive.. I'm back on suboxone because even though I was in detox 2 weeks, I was still sick when I left.. My plan is to ween off the bupe as fast as I possibly can and try and have some moniker of a normal life.. (Yeah, good luck right?)
On another note, my girl is getting out of jail very soon, was supposed to be today but... we all know how fuckin' slow the courts are.. she'll be home for a week and then will be mandated to a 60 day rehab followed by years of drug court.. but hey, after getting caught with an ounce of H.. she got off easy. Guess most judges don't want to send beautiful 22 year old girls with so much potential upstate for 5 years.. So she'll have one more shot. If she blows it, she's done. We both are, because after 10 years of this shit... I know I wont survive another run. I'm going to die and I've accepted that fact.
Thanks for all of you BL'ers support and advice over the years. Happy Thanksgiving.
Anyway, I made it.. still alive.. I'm back on suboxone because even though I was in detox 2 weeks, I was still sick when I left.. My plan is to ween off the bupe as fast as I possibly can and try and have some moniker of a normal life.. (Yeah, good luck right?)
On another note, my girl is getting out of jail very soon, was supposed to be today but... we all know how fuckin' slow the courts are.. she'll be home for a week and then will be mandated to a 60 day rehab followed by years of drug court.. but hey, after getting caught with an ounce of H.. she got off easy. Guess most judges don't want to send beautiful 22 year old girls with so much potential upstate for 5 years.. So she'll have one more shot. If she blows it, she's done. We both are, because after 10 years of this shit... I know I wont survive another run. I'm going to die and I've accepted that fact.
Thanks for all of you BL'ers support and advice over the years. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im dying to write again. its the only way to revisit all those highs and lows, now that Im in different clothes. I reach back and pull it from my mind, and slowly it builds up into a wave of emotion and i can smile and close my eyes as it crashes over me, every nerve on end, just to feel it once again. Sniffin the fumes of a long ago life just to catch that feeling back.
everything so normal now.
Reanimated. Shoot it up and I start again. Dead doll, frankenstein monster, just need a jolt. Flick the switch and Im up, on, off, on, off, its that easy. i can go all night with enough of this stuff. days wasted half awake, nodding. Barely alive, youd think-til you seen me without it.
"Shes still writin about that shit??"
i keep my phone under my pillow at night so my dreams can call. but phone stays silent. Someday i want it to ring and everything i been waiting for is on the other line. how i used to dream, in the junkie daze, when id drift thru the middle of my dope sick night, sweaty and restless turning my pillow over and over and over again, can never find the cool side, and in my dream body the phone would ring, and the thing it says on the caller ID is some kind of blurred amalagamation of every drug I been wishing for, every high i never felt, and that symbol on the screen when I pick up means that there, right in front of me is 45 actiq lollypops and fentanyl powder and hundreds of dilaudids and opana IR, bundles, bricks and bricks of heroin, all types of shit, every dopehead wetdream you can imagine, and boxes of fresh sets points gleaming in my mind....
That ambition, not the same game but different. The level of need is the same, but its in a different way. All this and more, every open door waiting. Every wish realized. Open your eyes and "My life is fine." Thats wat Id find.
these days its a little different. monday tuesday thursday all the same. different only in name. I wake and my body aint mine, just a giver of nutrition to another life. Milk dispenser. A warm soft curve to nestle in. i spent so many years so selfishly chasing every ecstasy i could find, running farther still, searching for a bliss that i could only imagine, onwards towards new heights that only exist in my mind. Now I dont think its wrong at all to let myself belong to somebody else. About time I learned how to sacrifice.
Thing is, I like it. I got my second chance, a new life to mold and shape, the right way this time. My past dont matter, cuz my future is here in my hands, two tiny eyes and a mind ready to absorb everything right, everything I never did, every truth I ignored in the place of pleasure, and its enough. Not everybody gets the chance to live twice.
I just need a spot to drain my brain real quick, just to get it down. It aint nothing yet, just a stream of regret that I cant do more. But thats all, for now.
everything so normal now.
Reanimated. Shoot it up and I start again. Dead doll, frankenstein monster, just need a jolt. Flick the switch and Im up, on, off, on, off, its that easy. i can go all night with enough of this stuff. days wasted half awake, nodding. Barely alive, youd think-til you seen me without it.
"Shes still writin about that shit??"
i keep my phone under my pillow at night so my dreams can call. but phone stays silent. Someday i want it to ring and everything i been waiting for is on the other line. how i used to dream, in the junkie daze, when id drift thru the middle of my dope sick night, sweaty and restless turning my pillow over and over and over again, can never find the cool side, and in my dream body the phone would ring, and the thing it says on the caller ID is some kind of blurred amalagamation of every drug I been wishing for, every high i never felt, and that symbol on the screen when I pick up means that there, right in front of me is 45 actiq lollypops and fentanyl powder and hundreds of dilaudids and opana IR, bundles, bricks and bricks of heroin, all types of shit, every dopehead wetdream you can imagine, and boxes of fresh sets points gleaming in my mind....
That ambition, not the same game but different. The level of need is the same, but its in a different way. All this and more, every open door waiting. Every wish realized. Open your eyes and "My life is fine." Thats wat Id find.
these days its a little different. monday tuesday thursday all the same. different only in name. I wake and my body aint mine, just a giver of nutrition to another life. Milk dispenser. A warm soft curve to nestle in. i spent so many years so selfishly chasing every ecstasy i could find, running farther still, searching for a bliss that i could only imagine, onwards towards new heights that only exist in my mind. Now I dont think its wrong at all to let myself belong to somebody else. About time I learned how to sacrifice.
Thing is, I like it. I got my second chance, a new life to mold and shape, the right way this time. My past dont matter, cuz my future is here in my hands, two tiny eyes and a mind ready to absorb everything right, everything I never did, every truth I ignored in the place of pleasure, and its enough. Not everybody gets the chance to live twice.
I just need a spot to drain my brain real quick, just to get it down. It aint nothing yet, just a stream of regret that I cant do more. But thats all, for now.
There are people that troll me all over the internet (Mostly RIU), and MANY meme's have been made in my name. And about my sister. And about my X girl friends. And about my mom.
If you find one, post it here.
If you find one, post it here.
Let's talk about what makes someone "fry", because most people don't have much experience with fried motherfuckers, I want to help you out.
Psychedelics are teachers (plants and chemical alike), and have things to show you. When you see the world as a "high" person, you are gaining a different perspective than you would have sober.
Now some people use drugs for "fun" or "recreation", this is how to fry yourself. These teachers must come slowly, and will at first be too much for you to handle in large doses. But if you use small doses once you get past the initial impact (get some tolerance), you can delve deeper into the perspective and learn from it. What happens when you use drugs for "fun" and "large doses", it's like taking someone that is afraid of sharks, and forcing them to swim in a tankful of them before they are prepared to do so.
So basically fried people did too much, too fast. And were mentally traumatized at how fast everything came at them.
Like staring to hard into an eclipse of life instead of light.
Psychedelics are teachers (plants and chemical alike), and have things to show you. When you see the world as a "high" person, you are gaining a different perspective than you would have sober.
Now some people use drugs for "fun" or "recreation", this is how to fry yourself. These teachers must come slowly, and will at first be too much for you to handle in large doses. But if you use small doses once you get past the initial impact (get some tolerance), you can delve deeper into the perspective and learn from it. What happens when you use drugs for "fun" and "large doses", it's like taking someone that is afraid of sharks, and forcing them to swim in a tankful of them before they are prepared to do so.
So basically fried people did too much, too fast. And were mentally traumatized at how fast everything came at them.
Like staring to hard into an eclipse of life instead of light.
The police came into my house without a warrant.
Marijuana is my sacrament (as can be proven in a court of law, shown below)
They broke into my house, stole my sacrament, and pulled guns on me, arrested me and a friend, threatened to "slam" me. And let my friends case go off free already. The police found not only ILlegal marijuana, but completely LEGAL Wild Lettuce, and Datura, along with the book "Food of the Gods". We were questioned about all these things, and explained our religious use of the plants. They had no warrant, but we got misdemeanor possession charges.
All without stating who they were, without having a warrant, and without probable cause. They then took us out of the neighborhood twice, then had drove us back in to speak with the narcotics sergeant. Then took us to jail, and ransacked the house, not allowing my mom in when she got back (again, all without a warrant). My case is wide open, and they are waiting for me to come back to Texas.
Here are some cases that are specifically related to my case
And that would be helpful after demanding a trial in Common Law court.
United States v. Ballard (1944)
Justice William O. Douglas stated:"They may not be put to the proof of their religious doctrines or beliefs."
Meaning, I shouldn't have to prove a damn thing. But I will anyways.
Lemon v. Kurtzman, 91 S. Ct. 2105 (1971)
The rulings made here were violated. The police had no warrant, and therefore no secular purpose. And have entangled themselves in my religion since I was a child at 14 years old.
1) the government action must have a secular purpose;
2) its primary purpose must not be to inhibit or to advance religion;
3) there must be no excessive entanglement between government and religion.
McDaniel v. Paty (1978 )
They are taking away my fundamental rights.
Life: They wish to take my time
Liberty: They wish to infringe on my religious freedoms, and put me in a cage for loving a flower
The Pursuit of Happiness: Any effort I make with my religion is squashed by authority. And in effect, squashing me.
Church of Lukumi Babalu Ave., Inc. v. Hialeah, 113 S. Ct. 2217 (1993)
They ruled that the religious sacrifice of animals, is no different than hunting. And it is unconstitutional to consider the two different.
If that is true. Why is tobacco, alcohol, nutmeg, tea, coffee, energy drinks and even corn, and wheat (it has food and industrial uses) allowed to be grown and used legally while marijuana is not. This is unconstitutional.
ESA v. Rylander (2001)
We do not even have to define a supreme being, I do connect Shiva when smoking. But that doesn't have to be specified, or important.
And this, from 2005:
Texas Civil Practice & Remedies Code CHAPTER 110. RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
I refuse to participate in the drug war my state is involved in, but they force me to. And I refuse to have not only my religion but my life substantially burdened by law enforcement, probation, and everyone else.
Plus there are around 15-100< people (That I spoke to from the age of 14 to 18 which was the time of my arrest): Probation officers, Correctional Officers, Psychologists, Therapists in and out of jail, Peers, and Elders that can, on the stand, say that it was part of my religion. I even yelled it as I was brought into detention centers, and spoke to people about it for months as I was imprisoned. They made talking about religion against the rules in my pod because of me. They'll remember.
There are tons of posts of mine on the internet regarding my religious reverence for marijuana.
There should be a record of my asking for a Rig Veda (My religious Texts) in the County Jail. And possibly record of something about it in the Juvenile detention center. Definitely could get some good words from my required therapist there.My research is not complete, so if you can add to it please do so, and I will do so as well periodically. Please spread the word/share the link to this page/and help legalize it.
Marijuana is my sacrament (as can be proven in a court of law, shown below)
They broke into my house, stole my sacrament, and pulled guns on me, arrested me and a friend, threatened to "slam" me. And let my friends case go off free already. The police found not only ILlegal marijuana, but completely LEGAL Wild Lettuce, and Datura, along with the book "Food of the Gods". We were questioned about all these things, and explained our religious use of the plants. They had no warrant, but we got misdemeanor possession charges.
All without stating who they were, without having a warrant, and without probable cause. They then took us out of the neighborhood twice, then had drove us back in to speak with the narcotics sergeant. Then took us to jail, and ransacked the house, not allowing my mom in when she got back (again, all without a warrant). My case is wide open, and they are waiting for me to come back to Texas.
Here are some cases that are specifically related to my case
And that would be helpful after demanding a trial in Common Law court.
United States v. Ballard (1944)
Justice William O. Douglas stated:"They may not be put to the proof of their religious doctrines or beliefs."
Meaning, I shouldn't have to prove a damn thing. But I will anyways.
Lemon v. Kurtzman, 91 S. Ct. 2105 (1971)
The rulings made here were violated. The police had no warrant, and therefore no secular purpose. And have entangled themselves in my religion since I was a child at 14 years old.
1) the government action must have a secular purpose;
2) its primary purpose must not be to inhibit or to advance religion;
3) there must be no excessive entanglement between government and religion.
McDaniel v. Paty (1978 )
They are taking away my fundamental rights.
Life: They wish to take my time
Liberty: They wish to infringe on my religious freedoms, and put me in a cage for loving a flower
The Pursuit of Happiness: Any effort I make with my religion is squashed by authority. And in effect, squashing me.
Church of Lukumi Babalu Ave., Inc. v. Hialeah, 113 S. Ct. 2217 (1993)
They ruled that the religious sacrifice of animals, is no different than hunting. And it is unconstitutional to consider the two different.
If that is true. Why is tobacco, alcohol, nutmeg, tea, coffee, energy drinks and even corn, and wheat (it has food and industrial uses) allowed to be grown and used legally while marijuana is not. This is unconstitutional.
ESA v. Rylander (2001)
We do not even have to define a supreme being, I do connect Shiva when smoking. But that doesn't have to be specified, or important.
And this, from 2005:
Texas Civil Practice & Remedies Code CHAPTER 110. RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
I refuse to participate in the drug war my state is involved in, but they force me to. And I refuse to have not only my religion but my life substantially burdened by law enforcement, probation, and everyone else.
Plus there are around 15-100< people (That I spoke to from the age of 14 to 18 which was the time of my arrest): Probation officers, Correctional Officers, Psychologists, Therapists in and out of jail, Peers, and Elders that can, on the stand, say that it was part of my religion. I even yelled it as I was brought into detention centers, and spoke to people about it for months as I was imprisoned. They made talking about religion against the rules in my pod because of me. They'll remember.
There are tons of posts of mine on the internet regarding my religious reverence for marijuana.
There should be a record of my asking for a Rig Veda (My religious Texts) in the County Jail. And possibly record of something about it in the Juvenile detention center. Definitely could get some good words from my required therapist there.My research is not complete, so if you can add to it please do so, and I will do so as well periodically. Please spread the word/share the link to this page/and help legalize it.
Refrigerators kill more people than lions every year.
That's ture, but here's an Old joke...
There's this guy. And he's supposed to be at work, but he thinks his wife is cheating on him. So he goes back to his apartment. He gets there runs up the flights of stairs to get to his floor and charges inside when he gets there. He's screamin at her and runnin through the house looking through bathrooms, behind curtains and everything. Then he hears a sound, and looks at the open balcony door. He sees two sets of fingers holding onto the railing from the other side. So he gets excited.
He grabs a hammer, and goes over to the balcony. Then, SMASHES the guys fingers and sends him flying down into the bushes below. The man looks down over the balcony, and see's that the man in the bushes is extremely injured, but he hasn't died yet. So he goes to the kitchen, unplugs the refrigerator and pushes it over to the balcony. He begins to struggle and have a heart attack, and with his last few breaths he pushes the refrigerator into the bushes below crushing the man, and breaking the refrigerator into a million pieces.
So in heaven St. Peter has a line of people.
He asks the first man in line, "How did you die, and do you believe you should be allowed into heaven?"
He replies, "My wife was cheating on me, so I found the guy, smashed his fingers. Then pushed a refrigerator on him, and died of a heart attack."
Saint Peter saw the honor in defending his marriage, and let him in.
So, Saint Peter says to the second man, "How did you die, and do you believe you should be allowed into heaven."
The man replies, "So I was doing cartwheels in my apartment. I accidentally went to far, and FLEW over the railing of my balcony. But luckily I grabbed the rail of the balcony below me. But then some crazy guy came up with a hammer, and started smashing my hands. I had to let go, and fell into some bushes, and thankfully I survived. But then this crazy guy pushed a refrigerator over the railing on top of me."
Saint Peter is just like "Well, I'm sorry about all that. Come right in."
Then, Saint Peter turns to the next man in line. And the man says, "So I was hiding in this refrigerator..."
That's ture, but here's an Old joke...
There's this guy. And he's supposed to be at work, but he thinks his wife is cheating on him. So he goes back to his apartment. He gets there runs up the flights of stairs to get to his floor and charges inside when he gets there. He's screamin at her and runnin through the house looking through bathrooms, behind curtains and everything. Then he hears a sound, and looks at the open balcony door. He sees two sets of fingers holding onto the railing from the other side. So he gets excited.
He grabs a hammer, and goes over to the balcony. Then, SMASHES the guys fingers and sends him flying down into the bushes below. The man looks down over the balcony, and see's that the man in the bushes is extremely injured, but he hasn't died yet. So he goes to the kitchen, unplugs the refrigerator and pushes it over to the balcony. He begins to struggle and have a heart attack, and with his last few breaths he pushes the refrigerator into the bushes below crushing the man, and breaking the refrigerator into a million pieces.
So in heaven St. Peter has a line of people.
He asks the first man in line, "How did you die, and do you believe you should be allowed into heaven?"
He replies, "My wife was cheating on me, so I found the guy, smashed his fingers. Then pushed a refrigerator on him, and died of a heart attack."
Saint Peter saw the honor in defending his marriage, and let him in.
So, Saint Peter says to the second man, "How did you die, and do you believe you should be allowed into heaven."
The man replies, "So I was doing cartwheels in my apartment. I accidentally went to far, and FLEW over the railing of my balcony. But luckily I grabbed the rail of the balcony below me. But then some crazy guy came up with a hammer, and started smashing my hands. I had to let go, and fell into some bushes, and thankfully I survived. But then this crazy guy pushed a refrigerator over the railing on top of me."
Saint Peter is just like "Well, I'm sorry about all that. Come right in."
Then, Saint Peter turns to the next man in line. And the man says, "So I was hiding in this refrigerator..."
Texas is my girl.
Texas's Capitol is a replica of the National monument...But 15ft taller.
The National Energy grid is split into three sections: Eastern states, Western states, and TEXAS.
Texas is still considered its own republic. It is the only state that can honorably fly it's flag as high as the American flag.
Texas can split into 8 states.
The lone star means, "We don't need fifty states, we're good with just the one."
Rick Perry has had more people killed during his time in office, than any other modern governor.
In Texas when you get out of prison, you are still supposed to be able to request and receive a gun and a horse upon release.
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Also. THIS petition was recently made (and received over 100,000 signatures) for the secession of Texas:
"Peacefully grant the State of Texas to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.
The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government's neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government"
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/pe...ca-and-create-its-own-new-government/BmdWCP8B
......
I always said. "If the president says Texans can secede. We will want to secede. If the president says Texans can't secede. We will want to secede"
Then the president responded to the petition with this
"
Petition Response: Our States Remain United
By Jon Carson, Director of the Office of Public Engagement
Thank you for using the White House's online petitions platform to participate in your government.
In a nation of 300 million people -- each with their own set of deeply-held beliefs -- democracy can be noisy and controversial. And that's a good thing. Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted.
But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don't let that debate tear us apart.
Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States "in order to form a more perfect union" through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot -- a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it. As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, "in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual." In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that "[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States."
Although the founders established a perpetual union, they also provided for a government that is, as President Lincoln would later describe it, "of the people, by the people, and for the people" -- all of the people. Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.
So let's be clear: No one disputes that our country faces big challenges, and the recent election followed a vigorous debate about how they should be addressed. As President Obama said the night he won re-election, "We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future."
Whether it's figuring out how to strengthen our economy, reduce our deficit in a responsible way, or protect our country, we will need to work together -- and hear from one another -- in order to find the best way to move forward. I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn more about the President's ideas and share more of your own."
......
The way Texas started is this:
Stephen F. Austin was allowed by the Mexican government to bring 300 families from America to Mexico. These 300 families moved to a region of Mexico known as "Tejas", when they first arrived they were known as "Texians" and were given 1 single cannon by the Mexican government to defend themselves from Indian and raids, etc.
But then the Texians started inviting their families. Their siblings, parents, grandparents. EVERYONE was coming to Tejas, and the Mexican government was like: "This isn't what we agreed." So they asked the Texans for their cannon back... The Texans decided to KEEP the cannon, and the first Texas state flag was made
Then the Mexican army attacked, Santa Ana killed everyone at the Alamo. Then the battle of San Jacinto happened, it was like 15 minutes long, but that battle caused the Mexican army to retreat across the Rio Grande back into Mexico and won us the war.
......
This was the Texas COUNTRY boundaries before we signed ourselves into "The Union".
......
Texas has been planning to sustain itself from the beginning. We only USE foreign bought oil, and we STORE all of the oil we drill out of Texas soil.
And there are THREE main energy grids in the United States... The East Coast Interconnection, The West Coast Interconnection and TEXAS (or "ERCOT")
Texas's Capitol is a replica of the National monument...But 15ft taller.
The National Energy grid is split into three sections: Eastern states, Western states, and TEXAS.
Texas is still considered its own republic. It is the only state that can honorably fly it's flag as high as the American flag.
Texas can split into 8 states.
The lone star means, "We don't need fifty states, we're good with just the one."
Rick Perry has had more people killed during his time in office, than any other modern governor.
In Texas when you get out of prison, you are still supposed to be able to request and receive a gun and a horse upon release.
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Also. THIS petition was recently made (and received over 100,000 signatures) for the secession of Texas:
"Peacefully grant the State of Texas to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.
The US continues to suffer economic difficulties stemming from the federal government's neglect to reform domestic and foreign spending. The citizens of the US suffer from blatant abuses of their rights such as the NDAA, the TSA, etc. Given that the state of Texas maintains a balanced budget and is the 15th largest economy in the world, it is practically feasible for Texas to withdraw from the union, and to do so would protect it's citizens' standard of living and re-secure their rights and liberties in accordance with the original ideas and beliefs of our founding fathers which are no longer being reflected by the federal government"
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/pe...ca-and-create-its-own-new-government/BmdWCP8B
......
I always said. "If the president says Texans can secede. We will want to secede. If the president says Texans can't secede. We will want to secede"
Then the president responded to the petition with this
"
Petition Response: Our States Remain United
By Jon Carson, Director of the Office of Public Engagement
Thank you for using the White House's online petitions platform to participate in your government.
In a nation of 300 million people -- each with their own set of deeply-held beliefs -- democracy can be noisy and controversial. And that's a good thing. Free and open debate is what makes this country work, and many people around the world risk their lives every day for the liberties we often take for granted.
But as much as we value a healthy debate, we don't let that debate tear us apart.
Our founding fathers established the Constitution of the United States "in order to form a more perfect union" through the hard and frustrating but necessary work of self-government. They enshrined in that document the right to change our national government through the power of the ballot -- a right that generations of Americans have fought to secure for all. But they did not provide a right to walk away from it. As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, "in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual." In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that "[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States."
Although the founders established a perpetual union, they also provided for a government that is, as President Lincoln would later describe it, "of the people, by the people, and for the people" -- all of the people. Participation in, and engagement with, government is the cornerstone of our democracy. And because every American who wants to participate deserves a government that is accessible and responsive, the Obama Administration has created a host of new tools and channels to connect concerned citizens with White House. In fact, one of the most exciting aspects of the We the People platform is a chance to engage directly with our most outspoken critics.
So let's be clear: No one disputes that our country faces big challenges, and the recent election followed a vigorous debate about how they should be addressed. As President Obama said the night he won re-election, "We may have battled fiercely, but it's only because we love this country deeply and we care so strongly about its future."
Whether it's figuring out how to strengthen our economy, reduce our deficit in a responsible way, or protect our country, we will need to work together -- and hear from one another -- in order to find the best way to move forward. I hope you'll take a few minutes to learn more about the President's ideas and share more of your own."
......
The way Texas started is this:
Stephen F. Austin was allowed by the Mexican government to bring 300 families from America to Mexico. These 300 families moved to a region of Mexico known as "Tejas", when they first arrived they were known as "Texians" and were given 1 single cannon by the Mexican government to defend themselves from Indian and raids, etc.
But then the Texians started inviting their families. Their siblings, parents, grandparents. EVERYONE was coming to Tejas, and the Mexican government was like: "This isn't what we agreed." So they asked the Texans for their cannon back... The Texans decided to KEEP the cannon, and the first Texas state flag was made
Then the Mexican army attacked, Santa Ana killed everyone at the Alamo. Then the battle of San Jacinto happened, it was like 15 minutes long, but that battle caused the Mexican army to retreat across the Rio Grande back into Mexico and won us the war.
......
This was the Texas COUNTRY boundaries before we signed ourselves into "The Union".
......
Texas has been planning to sustain itself from the beginning. We only USE foreign bought oil, and we STORE all of the oil we drill out of Texas soil.
And there are THREE main energy grids in the United States... The East Coast Interconnection, The West Coast Interconnection and TEXAS (or "ERCOT")
I'm not a vegetarian or anything. But we're a race of animals that kills other animals, strips the organs from the body and the muscles from the bones. Enjoys the flavor of the "juices" that come from the meat ("broth"), and eat the meat after cooking it in a way that we would be horrified to be put through ourselves... I bet aliens look at us like we used to look at Indians... Uncivilized savages. If we ever started settling deeper in the stars, we'd probably get quarantined... Or maybe that's where we are now, in a quarantine. And they probably already tell "Ghost stories" about us to their children. "Don't let the humans eat me mommy!!"... I think if there is some form of "Galactic Union" and species that travel the universe, they would have to be similar to plants, and create their own food using energy, OR gather energy like a solar panel does to make their bodies function (in which case they would probably be made of light or mostly energy, like an "angel" would be). So basically I think that the fact that we EAT things at all is probably frowned on my the rest of the universe. They probably don't view us as much more intelligent than the dinosaurs...
It's possible that we "evolved"/adapted, from forest/jungle/hunter gatherer life, to become what we are now.
By planting seeds we learned to farm, by farming we learned to domesticate, etc. (And speaking, grouping, civilizing)...
So one possibility is that we are a species of monkey, from the planet Earth, that found it's way into deep consciousness...
Another possibility.
We might be aliens. We committed a "Sin", or great crime against a space traveling species, or union of species. Or they realized we're violent, and stupid.
And now have been left to our own devices (to rot) on Earth. Because of the crimes of our forefathers, and farming and talking wasn't too hard to start with our jump start from the stars.
I was watching Ancient Aliens on History channel (The one about ritual) and it made me think. First I gotta start off by, all over the planet (Native Americans, Egyptians, etc) say that we were brought here by star people. Now, the people on Ancient Aliens think that "Maybe these rituals and beliefs come from visitors." "Maybe the confusing human desire for 'more' stems from wanting them to return."
I was thinking about this, and it started to make sense.
Humans have been questioning our purpose on Earth forever. We have stories of gods, angels, demons, ghosts, aliens, and much more, and we try to pull meaning from them.
What if there isn't a magical after life that makes everything better.
What if aliens haven't been visiting and UFO sitings haven't been about a "First encounter"
What if the story of first sin, and stories similar to it, are about our ancient family leaving us here. We have been marooned on earth, because our ancestors broke some code within the space traveling humans, or within a union of alien species. We were part of something bigger, but we fucked up and it came down on us full force. They left us here, and now all we want is to go back to the stars, and we don't know why. And it's been so long we can't even understand the old messages we left for ourselves. All we can do is continue on this ball floating through space hoping one day we will understand what happened, and how to fix it. Or that one of us will guide out of this isolation on our own.
Just a thought...
It's possible that we "evolved"/adapted, from forest/jungle/hunter gatherer life, to become what we are now.
By planting seeds we learned to farm, by farming we learned to domesticate, etc. (And speaking, grouping, civilizing)...
So one possibility is that we are a species of monkey, from the planet Earth, that found it's way into deep consciousness...
Another possibility.
We might be aliens. We committed a "Sin", or great crime against a space traveling species, or union of species. Or they realized we're violent, and stupid.
And now have been left to our own devices (to rot) on Earth. Because of the crimes of our forefathers, and farming and talking wasn't too hard to start with our jump start from the stars.
I was watching Ancient Aliens on History channel (The one about ritual) and it made me think. First I gotta start off by, all over the planet (Native Americans, Egyptians, etc) say that we were brought here by star people. Now, the people on Ancient Aliens think that "Maybe these rituals and beliefs come from visitors." "Maybe the confusing human desire for 'more' stems from wanting them to return."
I was thinking about this, and it started to make sense.
Humans have been questioning our purpose on Earth forever. We have stories of gods, angels, demons, ghosts, aliens, and much more, and we try to pull meaning from them.
What if there isn't a magical after life that makes everything better.
What if aliens haven't been visiting and UFO sitings haven't been about a "First encounter"
What if the story of first sin, and stories similar to it, are about our ancient family leaving us here. We have been marooned on earth, because our ancestors broke some code within the space traveling humans, or within a union of alien species. We were part of something bigger, but we fucked up and it came down on us full force. They left us here, and now all we want is to go back to the stars, and we don't know why. And it's been so long we can't even understand the old messages we left for ourselves. All we can do is continue on this ball floating through space hoping one day we will understand what happened, and how to fix it. Or that one of us will guide out of this isolation on our own.
Just a thought...
Do they have the right to bear arms? And everything else?
If all this sticks...
I predict a world where people say things like, "I hail from the tribe of WalMart"
If all this sticks...
I predict a world where people say things like, "I hail from the tribe of WalMart"
And if I was conceived exactly 9 months before I was born,
Then I was conceived on 4/20 :D :D
Then I was conceived on 4/20 :D :D
I have a story that I need a bit of advice on, and I would appreciate it if you could read and give me your thoughts! If you don't mind but first, I want to add a lil background: I had a liver transplant Jan 2011 and I have been recovering since. the past two years, I've been having on and off problems, chronic abdominal pain partly due to my ulcerative colitis, and the other part due to my enlarged spleen (probably the size of a football). I have been on one narcotic or the other since before 2008, maybe even since 2006, I don't quite remember when I started-not important though. I am two years almost to the day since my transplant, and am just about to go back to work, (yippee)! I've had numerous infections and a partial rejection scare that has set me back a bit, but going to work everyday will be a great step towards regaining my strength back!
Anyway, most of you will understand just how important your pain medicine is to you if you've ever suffered from any type of chronic pain. So for those of you who don't know, in some cases, people like me, its nearly impossible. You get to a certain point where your completely reliant-I don't even know if I'll ever be able to go off them since my spleen did not shrink-like it was supposed to-after my transplant. When I get up in the morning, I have excruciating pain all over my stomach. For UC patients, we feel nothing, we're perfectly fine, then a split second later, we have that "gotta go gotta go gotta go right now" kinda feeling and its drop everything and run.. and then there's the constant chronic pain right where it always is. Maybe you feel like going the bathroom will help it, but it doesn't...then you try and lay flat for a few minutes...nope still nothing...or maybe you sit cross legged leaning your head and torso over your legs...and gain, strike three. The only thing you can do to relieve the pain, is by taking your prescribed pain medicine.
So, with that being said, (sorry for the long into, I tend to digress) I will get to my story:
I have this friend, I've only known him since summer of 2011, when I moves back home after my surgery..met, chatted and became instant friends. We have a great friendship, hang out everyday, I know his family he knows mine, he comes and helps me, comes to my Drs. appt. with me, sometimes plays my chauffeur for an early morning appt. when I'm too tired to drive. We became about as close as people can get (without a physical relationship) in a small period of time. We talked all the time, I knew shit about him and he knew shit bout me that I've never told anyone. The trust was huge.
I've even let him borrow my car for the night so he didn't have to walk home in the cold. (And I have a VERY NICE sportier type vehicle, not the type you lend to just anyone).
So, anyway, this past Saturday, he came with me to another one of my friend's house while he did some work on my car, rakes, rotors, oil, etc. he offered to vacuum out my car for me so I said "fine just drop me off at my house and then just bring my car whenever we hang out tomorrow no big deal I'm not going anywhere, its football Sunday"! Then, I woke up Sunday morning, with a little flu-like thing going on, a high fever and chills so I stayed in bed all day, apparently so did he. know there hasn't been anyone, not even my dad, in my house the past two or three days.
Today, Monday, he came over, we watched TV, lil, for some reason he went into my room, which he has done multiple times before, and I never really thought anything of it, he went to get my heating pad. Get my dog, whatever. He left and too my car again because it was cold and we planned on hanging out tomorrow so why not, a
Saves me the trip to drop him off..
I came to bed and started getting ready for bed. For some reason, I decided to count my pills again, think I was planning ahead for the week to mark when I had to go to the Docs to get a new script, and I saw that I was out of pills on the 14th.. And I said, that's IMPOSSIBLE.. I ONLY take two of these a day, and if they were filled on 12/19th, with a 31-day December, I'd need to fill them again on 1/18.. Also, I distinctly remember I had checked my pills last week, because you know when your given a pain med supply and your only allowed two OC a day, you KNOW when to take it and how many you do, or should, have. I had gone to the ER for a nights onetime this month (this same friend took me there, and stayed with me from about 10pm till I finally got discharged around 6am, too) so I counted my pills last week sometime because I wanted to make sure I didn't miss a dose due to my ER stay, which would give me an extra pill and would be great-ya know. So because of that, I knew I had exactly enough until "this specific date" and that's the date I had to drive to my Drs. office and get a new script. (You guys know this, you all know how it works..need the paper in hand, so we all know when we need to refill our monthly's, right?).
I double counted, I marked out on the calendar the days and when I took them on what days so I know how many are missing.. 5...
So basically, my so called "great, awesome, amazing friend" stole my pills. I should mention, he has done this before. He took two pills from me about a year ago, this was a time he was going through a rough time, and I kinda just let it drop, I did confront him and he denied it, but I got confirmation from someone else that he showed up after e left my place at another friends house with my pills. So I knew. I'm not dumb.. Us chronic pain people know how many pills we have.. So. Fast forward to tonight, I KNOW it was him. So I called him and confronted
him and of course he couldn't even deny it because he KNEW he was caught dead to rights...and now he feels like a dick. Which he should.
So basically I don't even know what to do. It's not even the fact that he told the pills.. It's the fact that he KNOWS I NEED those pills. He knows how much pain I'm in without them. He knows I've been sick he sat in the ER with me! I mean COMON. I guess I have a new fondness for "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.." But we cleared the air on the first time, and I genuinely thought he was doing real well and I also know that he's been gaining the courage to ask me out,I know it, he told me his gramps keeps getting on him to ask me out because he doesn't think guys and girls can be friends, but I know that was his way of trying to gauge my reaction to the idea..so, I called him, I gave him everything: tears, guilt, sympathy, rage, and threats.. He said he would "make it right by morning" which I don't even know what that means, because I know he took them already, I asked him and he couldn't even deny it. I mean these are 30 ML of OCs, how the eF is he gonna replace those, what give me 5 of his grandpa's perks? COMON.. Really? What's even more disappointing, is I even asked him for a couple perks yesterday for my migraine, the OC doesn't work well for it-and he gave me some-then I proceeded to tell him how I'm gonna be low this month on my Dillies bc I have been having worse pain than normal. And he just sat there probably thinking about how he stole some from me..
So right now, I told him if I don't hear from him by 1pm tomorrow I will call the cops on him. I did let him keep my car, but partly because I didn't want to see him tonight, I also didn't want him to wake his grandpa to follow him to my house to drop the car off.
He will call me tomorrow, I know he will, he's not gonna take off its my car, he knows better, and he's not that kind of skeevy kid.
So sorry, I'll cut it down. Anyway, I don't know what to do now? How can I ever trust him again? I mean he has done this twice now. We were such good friends.. We really were. I'd hate to not be friends anymore. But I just don't know how this can be repaired. If I don't get my pills ask, I WILL have to go to the ER for pain control, and I told him that, which fucked me so bad because I'm supposed to start my job on the 14th.. If I don't have pills for the 14-18.. I'm FUCKED
I have been trying to get back to work. Since September, and I'm finally starting and I'm gonna be going through Withdrawal from 5 years of OC use when I go back? How much more could you screw your friend than that.. Well I'm sure there's ways, but that's like an uber burn. I don't even know what IM gonna do if he doesn't make good. If he doesn't, I WILL have to file a police report because, what an I do? I can't be asking my Dr for a refill a week early! I can't pay $150 for 5 OC pills on the street even if I DID have any idea where to get them! Ugh..
This is some deep dilemma shit.
Anyone have any thoughts? I greatly appreciate them
Anyway, most of you will understand just how important your pain medicine is to you if you've ever suffered from any type of chronic pain. So for those of you who don't know, in some cases, people like me, its nearly impossible. You get to a certain point where your completely reliant-I don't even know if I'll ever be able to go off them since my spleen did not shrink-like it was supposed to-after my transplant. When I get up in the morning, I have excruciating pain all over my stomach. For UC patients, we feel nothing, we're perfectly fine, then a split second later, we have that "gotta go gotta go gotta go right now" kinda feeling and its drop everything and run.. and then there's the constant chronic pain right where it always is. Maybe you feel like going the bathroom will help it, but it doesn't...then you try and lay flat for a few minutes...nope still nothing...or maybe you sit cross legged leaning your head and torso over your legs...and gain, strike three. The only thing you can do to relieve the pain, is by taking your prescribed pain medicine.
So, with that being said, (sorry for the long into, I tend to digress) I will get to my story:
I have this friend, I've only known him since summer of 2011, when I moves back home after my surgery..met, chatted and became instant friends. We have a great friendship, hang out everyday, I know his family he knows mine, he comes and helps me, comes to my Drs. appt. with me, sometimes plays my chauffeur for an early morning appt. when I'm too tired to drive. We became about as close as people can get (without a physical relationship) in a small period of time. We talked all the time, I knew shit about him and he knew shit bout me that I've never told anyone. The trust was huge.
I've even let him borrow my car for the night so he didn't have to walk home in the cold. (And I have a VERY NICE sportier type vehicle, not the type you lend to just anyone).
So, anyway, this past Saturday, he came with me to another one of my friend's house while he did some work on my car, rakes, rotors, oil, etc. he offered to vacuum out my car for me so I said "fine just drop me off at my house and then just bring my car whenever we hang out tomorrow no big deal I'm not going anywhere, its football Sunday"! Then, I woke up Sunday morning, with a little flu-like thing going on, a high fever and chills so I stayed in bed all day, apparently so did he. know there hasn't been anyone, not even my dad, in my house the past two or three days.
Today, Monday, he came over, we watched TV, lil, for some reason he went into my room, which he has done multiple times before, and I never really thought anything of it, he went to get my heating pad. Get my dog, whatever. He left and too my car again because it was cold and we planned on hanging out tomorrow so why not, a
Saves me the trip to drop him off..
I came to bed and started getting ready for bed. For some reason, I decided to count my pills again, think I was planning ahead for the week to mark when I had to go to the Docs to get a new script, and I saw that I was out of pills on the 14th.. And I said, that's IMPOSSIBLE.. I ONLY take two of these a day, and if they were filled on 12/19th, with a 31-day December, I'd need to fill them again on 1/18.. Also, I distinctly remember I had checked my pills last week, because you know when your given a pain med supply and your only allowed two OC a day, you KNOW when to take it and how many you do, or should, have. I had gone to the ER for a nights onetime this month (this same friend took me there, and stayed with me from about 10pm till I finally got discharged around 6am, too) so I counted my pills last week sometime because I wanted to make sure I didn't miss a dose due to my ER stay, which would give me an extra pill and would be great-ya know. So because of that, I knew I had exactly enough until "this specific date" and that's the date I had to drive to my Drs. office and get a new script. (You guys know this, you all know how it works..need the paper in hand, so we all know when we need to refill our monthly's, right?).
I double counted, I marked out on the calendar the days and when I took them on what days so I know how many are missing.. 5...
So basically, my so called "great, awesome, amazing friend" stole my pills. I should mention, he has done this before. He took two pills from me about a year ago, this was a time he was going through a rough time, and I kinda just let it drop, I did confront him and he denied it, but I got confirmation from someone else that he showed up after e left my place at another friends house with my pills. So I knew. I'm not dumb.. Us chronic pain people know how many pills we have.. So. Fast forward to tonight, I KNOW it was him. So I called him and confronted
him and of course he couldn't even deny it because he KNEW he was caught dead to rights...and now he feels like a dick. Which he should. So basically I don't even know what to do. It's not even the fact that he told the pills.. It's the fact that he KNOWS I NEED those pills. He knows how much pain I'm in without them. He knows I've been sick he sat in the ER with me! I mean COMON. I guess I have a new fondness for "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.." But we cleared the air on the first time, and I genuinely thought he was doing real well and I also know that he's been gaining the courage to ask me out,I know it, he told me his gramps keeps getting on him to ask me out because he doesn't think guys and girls can be friends, but I know that was his way of trying to gauge my reaction to the idea..so, I called him, I gave him everything: tears, guilt, sympathy, rage, and threats.. He said he would "make it right by morning" which I don't even know what that means, because I know he took them already, I asked him and he couldn't even deny it. I mean these are 30 ML of OCs, how the eF is he gonna replace those, what give me 5 of his grandpa's perks? COMON.. Really? What's even more disappointing, is I even asked him for a couple perks yesterday for my migraine, the OC doesn't work well for it-and he gave me some-then I proceeded to tell him how I'm gonna be low this month on my Dillies bc I have been having worse pain than normal. And he just sat there probably thinking about how he stole some from me..
So right now, I told him if I don't hear from him by 1pm tomorrow I will call the cops on him. I did let him keep my car, but partly because I didn't want to see him tonight, I also didn't want him to wake his grandpa to follow him to my house to drop the car off.
He will call me tomorrow, I know he will, he's not gonna take off its my car, he knows better, and he's not that kind of skeevy kid.
So sorry, I'll cut it down. Anyway, I don't know what to do now? How can I ever trust him again? I mean he has done this twice now. We were such good friends.. We really were. I'd hate to not be friends anymore. But I just don't know how this can be repaired. If I don't get my pills ask, I WILL have to go to the ER for pain control, and I told him that, which fucked me so bad because I'm supposed to start my job on the 14th.. If I don't have pills for the 14-18.. I'm FUCKED
I have been trying to get back to work. Since September, and I'm finally starting and I'm gonna be going through Withdrawal from 5 years of OC use when I go back? How much more could you screw your friend than that.. Well I'm sure there's ways, but that's like an uber burn. I don't even know what IM gonna do if he doesn't make good. If he doesn't, I WILL have to file a police report because, what an I do? I can't be asking my Dr for a refill a week early! I can't pay $150 for 5 OC pills on the street even if I DID have any idea where to get them! Ugh..This is some deep dilemma shit.
Anyone have any thoughts? I greatly appreciate them