August 22nd,2016 I checked myself into detox here in louisville,ky, and as many of you know I am born and raised in the great state of Alabama. So checking myself into detox in a strange city and state was something new for me. I had no where else to turn at the time, no idea what to do, except for find another drink. This time I can defiantly call myself an alcoholic because of the amount of liquor,beer,mouthwash and hand sanitizer that i drank on a daily basis. I was part of a 'tent community', and thought i had arrived. I didn't really always drink like the way I was, I would consider myself a drug addict just because I loved drugs, the drinking for me didn't start off until 12/2015 when I first became 'homeless' in jeffersonville,indianna. it was cold out, and the snow was almost up to my knees, and living on the streets there really was no where to go and do, except for finding the liquor store, and bumming enough money for a pint. i thought that the more i panhandled, the better it would pay off, meaning i could buy a half a pint for almost 2bucks, a pint for almost 4, and 5th for almost 7, and a litre for almost ten bucks, so thats what i did everyday, i pan handled enough t get that 10 dollar bottle of liquor, and usually my night ended with me curling up in a recycle/cardboard dumpster behind stores. sometimes i was lucky to invite others to share the bottle with me and that was only if they had a tent, or something to the table. 98% of the time i would drink alone, because everyone i really hung around with were drug addicts, and mostly spent their money on meth and heroin. dont get me wrong, i would have done the same thing except for the fact that my 10 bucks can go a long way, compared to spending ten on a bag of dope. ten bucks gave me enough drink to drink a night, and the next morning, and i would always drink myself into black outs.there was no 'nursing' my drink, even when it was cold outside. i drank to get fucked up, and drank even more to forget.
there would be times where id wake up drunk behind a building without wearing any shoes, and have to go the entire day, sometimes day(s) until i could find a pair of shoes in the trash. I never had a thought of 'this shit is getting out of hand', the only time when i'd sober up is when the police were called on me, for passing out on a park bench, or being non-responsive at different buildings, so the cops would show up, and they knew who i was by name, so instead of going to jail, they would send me to the local hospital/psych ward, and i would spend about a week there sobering up. while at the hospital the social workers there would help me in trying to get me into a place that offers a recovery program, and to be honest i wasn't wanting to hear it. again and again, they would tell me 'so and so has a bed open, and theres only 1 bed left', and i would agree that i would go there, the would give me a city bus ticket, and have me on my way. well, needless to say i would go and sell that bus ticket for 1 dollar, and call that my 'starter $' in finding another drink.
I was so used to eating my lunch and dinner at churches spread around town, that i really didn't need anything else in life. my meals were provided for, and so was everything else, so all i would need to do is just go find out which church was serving for the day, and go hang out there, i would then get with other people, and get all of our money together, and we would get a bottle of liquor, remind you i am 29, and the guys and women i was hanging around with were in their 50's and 60s, just like me. they loved to drink, so you wouldn't really see me hanging around anyone else then those people if i was hanging around anyone at all.
that was the start of the end for me, drinking every single day, 3-6 times a day, i would wake up to drink and sleep to drink, at first it was to stay warm during the winter months, then it became a round a clock ordeal during the warmer months. so my last run i was out of options, i was suffering with the shakes, and around 1am i knew the local hospital had hand sanatizer, and 1 of the main ingredients in the stuff is ethyl-alcohol, the same stuff thats found in most liquors, so what the hell. i ended up stealing the shit and drinking it.(not my first time to drink hand sanatizer either, ive been so desperate at times that i would find one of those wall-mounts with hand sanatizer and pump the foam into a cup, over and over,and over, almost 1,000 punches and soon have a bottle worth of enough to drink, and that would take hours to do, sometimes thats all i had going on that day was hang out in restrooms and fill my cup up). So after stealing the bottle of hand sanatizer, i went to my normal spot under the bridge/byduct and knew that this was going to taste like shit, so i had the bright idea to mix a Hawaiian punch powder thing to the bottle and shake it up. i started to drink it, just thinking of it right now has my mouth taste bitter, because tahts what the after taste is like, really bitter. i didn't care, it was better then anything. so fast forward i woke up next to a hooker in a parc and tarc parking lot, at this time i was also 'dating' this chick that we shared a shed together, and haven't talked with her since.' i woke up with the shakes, and this had to be stopped, and the only way to fix those shakes was to get more alcohol.
so went to a local grocery store, and stole 2x 211 beers, thinking that was going to do the trick, well wrong. i ended up drinking 1 and puked it up, it was scary, because the only way to fix these shakes was to drink, and even the drink wasn't working because i would puke it up. its a horrible feeling, i guess you could relate it to doing a shot of heroin or whatever and not feeling better after you d it..so i tried to drink the other one, and it wasn't happening, id take a pull and puke, over and over, and being out in public it makes puking really hard, especially with people out walking their children and dogs around, i had no where else to go, and this alcohol wasn't working, i was getting really scared of my life and my sanity, so this time i went back to the hospital where i was at so many times before, and told them what i did, and i need help.
that was on august 22nd,2016 and they knew this 1 place in town, it was a 6 to 9 month treatment center, free of charge. so what the hell, they also have a detox facility there so why not, so checked myself into the detox facility, and felt horrible for 4 days, and finally got over in the program.
unlike alot of the other guys i was in the program with, most of them had families in the same city, and had shit. me, i had nothing, i had no one, came in with the shoes on my feet, and shirt on my back, slowly but surly i started to open up, i got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps of AA, i learned what the phenomenon of craving was, and the diesese concept, i learned that when i take a drink i cannot stop, and thats what separates me from other drinkers.
After 9 months of being there I got offered a job working at the same treatment center as a peer mentor, someone who mentors the clients in their step work, and offers them their own(my) experience, strength, and hope. I am now a 'coordinator', and what I do is the bed moves, job changes, and who completes the program. It's a very big task, and I am grateful that I was given the job. This is only the beginning tho because the 'peer-mentor' job is only for 3-6 months, so when my 6 month date comes up then it will be time to move on, hopefully something will open up further down the road from now.
The reason behind me writing this here is because I got offered my old job back doing line work, and I know that there's pot, drinking, and the use of drugs going on. The money sounds tempting to go back to work doing line work, but in reality i feel like if i do take that job then i will be pretty much setting myself up for a excuse to drink again, and for me to drink again is for me to die. Like i said earlier, i'm the type of drinker that it may be all fun and games drinking with the bros at the club, or having a glass of wine at the dinner table, i always find myslf in the west-end of town trying to buy heroin, crack, whatever!more alcohol anything! over that 1 drink, so writing this shows me how easy it would be to lose everything i've worked for over this past year over 1 drink.
Now, i am not knocking the people that do drugs, or drink because i work with people that do drugs and drink, I just know for (me) that i cannot drink, or do drugs successfully.
Well, thats pretty much it. Thanks for reading
-Drew
