This week has been... BAD. A young family member died, massive heart attack. He was young, and I don't understand how he could have a heart attack like that. My own mortality is something that I am seeing very clearly and while I don't plan on staying on this Earth until I am 80, I find that my mortality is not as comfortable as I thought it was. My brain has checked out. Then I realize that it has been 6 years today since I watched a man go on a killing spree from a distance. I still have occasional nightmares of trying to help while completely helpless. Of watching human life get taken and being so completely powerless and impotent... I feel heavy. I feel weighted down, sluggish, slow, cloudy, hazy, lost, and empty...
In day to day life I don't allow myself to take the time to notice or heal the hurt I find inside myself. I am to 'busy' to allow myself to be real. I run on numb.
In day to day life I don't allow myself to take the time to notice or heal the hurt I find inside myself. I am to 'busy' to allow myself to be real. I run on numb.
