The rule is not on Mondays or Fridays but she doesn't give a shit. My phone rings at 5:15 AM - The Addams Family Theme, scaring the shit out of me and prompting me to immediately turn off the phone's sound - and then I ignore it entirely. I'm not fucking doing this. Every fucking Monday? Every fucking Monday- almost without fail - and certainly every Monday so far this year...She had no problem staying up way past her bedtime and getting high as NASA last night but now, as per protocol, let's see, upset tummy, cramps, diarrhea, anxiety, if she's pushing it? I know her bullshit without even opening my eyes.
A text will be...the quarter-in-the-hooker-bed wiggle from my phone interrupts my dispassionate speculation. I glance down. I don't feel good, mom then I feel like I'm gonna barf
*sigh*
I passively think, "throw up, then go to school." Deeper within myself, I bet she won't feed the cats. I force myself to drift off until...N1^3U*DY!B5B5&ÇZZZ!! The vibrating and flashing of the phone beside me at 6:40 AM - her swan song as she tries a desperate, final attempt - rudely jars me from my tiny utopian moment, brutally tearing my spoonself away from my forksoul, pink hair and diner left in my smashed dreams behind me; she is far less merciful than Thor or Zeus would have been. I only barely dodge the bullet.
I find out later I was right & she didn't feed the cats.
"What you doin?? I'm your phone on vibrate so I'm really quiet but you've got a text, bwrwrwrwr..." The phone screams at me, weakening my bladder and I wonder why I practice passive self harm with these adorable dipshit text tones. 6:45 AM, You awake?
I fucking am now, you selfish twat. You know gorram well I fucking wasn't awake. I text back, Yes.
My stomach is hurting again. Are you muddafuggin' kiddin? me?? Is it because you're full of shit?
I'm sorry to hear that.
Can I maybe see if I can sleep in a bit? Yes. Four days from now on Saturday morning.
We have a school meeting today.
I feel like throwing up and I just had diarrhea.
No sleeping in today. I also have meetings.
Just want to sleep a *little* bit?
If you stay home, you clean.
I only have 10 minutes before the bus to get dressed and feed the cats?I just want to sleep a little, plus whine, moan, complain and owwie, so whine, moan, complain s?more?blah, blah, add in cramps. Maybe go to town after school? How hard is it to wear all black and get your uncle to do your only chore?
Nope, no town today. We didn't get a chance to talk yesterday. This isn't cool Amaya. I need to be sleeping & I would not be waking you up, roles reversed. I'm closing my eyes. I'll see you at 1PM.
Passive aggression regarding how your disability makes you inaccessible, therefore, not my fault...so sorry I woke you up.
My eldest reminds me she put me through hell at 16 and suggests I may have put my mother through hell as well but I know I didn't because *my* mom dumped me at a boarding school three years prior when I was only 13 and moved half a country away and when my little sister turned 16 and went batshit, my mom just hopped the batshit bus and went right along with her.
What will happen when Lucian turns 16? At the risk of sounding like one of those hovering anal tampon moms, he is a fucking awesome son and if he suddenly turns into a fucking jackass for a year like my girls? I dunno if I can withstand. I almost walked in front of a bus when Kainat did it and I dunno if Amaya will actually stop at the end of a year like Kai? I have virtually zero support at this point and if my snuggle bunny turned on me as well? I know it may sound weak or shitty or unfair or whatever, but my kids are the reason I haven't had a shattered glass & gasoline cocktail. If? if? Let's just let that train be express and I'll stay on the local, yes?
A text will be...the quarter-in-the-hooker-bed wiggle from my phone interrupts my dispassionate speculation. I glance down. I don't feel good, mom then I feel like I'm gonna barf
*sigh*
I passively think, "throw up, then go to school." Deeper within myself, I bet she won't feed the cats. I force myself to drift off until...N1^3U*DY!B5B5&ÇZZZ!! The vibrating and flashing of the phone beside me at 6:40 AM - her swan song as she tries a desperate, final attempt - rudely jars me from my tiny utopian moment, brutally tearing my spoonself away from my forksoul, pink hair and diner left in my smashed dreams behind me; she is far less merciful than Thor or Zeus would have been. I only barely dodge the bullet.
I find out later I was right & she didn't feed the cats.
_________
"What you doin?? I'm your phone on vibrate so I'm really quiet but you've got a text, bwrwrwrwr..." The phone screams at me, weakening my bladder and I wonder why I practice passive self harm with these adorable dipshit text tones. 6:45 AM, You awake?
I fucking am now, you selfish twat. You know gorram well I fucking wasn't awake. I text back, Yes.
My stomach is hurting again. Are you muddafuggin' kiddin? me?? Is it because you're full of shit?
I'm sorry to hear that.
Can I maybe see if I can sleep in a bit? Yes. Four days from now on Saturday morning.
We have a school meeting today.
I feel like throwing up and I just had diarrhea.
No sleeping in today. I also have meetings.
Just want to sleep a *little* bit?
If you stay home, you clean.
I only have 10 minutes before the bus to get dressed and feed the cats?I just want to sleep a little, plus whine, moan, complain and owwie, so whine, moan, complain s?more?blah, blah, add in cramps. Maybe go to town after school? How hard is it to wear all black and get your uncle to do your only chore?
Nope, no town today. We didn't get a chance to talk yesterday. This isn't cool Amaya. I need to be sleeping & I would not be waking you up, roles reversed. I'm closing my eyes. I'll see you at 1PM.
Passive aggression regarding how your disability makes you inaccessible, therefore, not my fault...so sorry I woke you up.
_______
My eldest reminds me she put me through hell at 16 and suggests I may have put my mother through hell as well but I know I didn't because *my* mom dumped me at a boarding school three years prior when I was only 13 and moved half a country away and when my little sister turned 16 and went batshit, my mom just hopped the batshit bus and went right along with her.
What will happen when Lucian turns 16? At the risk of sounding like one of those hovering anal tampon moms, he is a fucking awesome son and if he suddenly turns into a fucking jackass for a year like my girls? I dunno if I can withstand. I almost walked in front of a bus when Kainat did it and I dunno if Amaya will actually stop at the end of a year like Kai? I have virtually zero support at this point and if my snuggle bunny turned on me as well? I know it may sound weak or shitty or unfair or whatever, but my kids are the reason I haven't had a shattered glass & gasoline cocktail. If? if? Let's just let that train be express and I'll stay on the local, yes?