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So I've managed to learn how to chew imaginary gum...

But the question is... Can I now turn a full 1g bag of Mephedrone invisible as well???!?

i love survival makes even the simplest comforts seem amazing. nothing has ever humbled me so much as being homeless just surviving day to day. it really puts things into perspective makes you realize the true value of life. also helps you find yourself. as someone who has lost and found themselves many times before it was the most influential finding so far.

I hold a special place in my heart for you. There was a time in my life, long ago, that you don't even know about. It was full of darkness, fear and hatred. Yes - those evil things lived inside ME. But without even knowing it, you've set me freer than I've been since that time. With your smile, your laugh... your general presence, you've helped make me who I am today, and helped me to stay happier. And because of this, I can go forwards with the courage I have found inside myself to help others who are like I used to be. I can't work miracles but I can spread just a little bit more light around the place.
And it's because of you.
I love you.

And I couldn't be more glad of that! I think the last wedding I went to was when I was about 14 or 15 years old and then this year BAM! I was hit with 3 of them. It was actually supposed to be 4 but I'm skipping out on the one coming up this weekend.

I surprisingly did have a lot of fun at them (some more than others of course), but now I'm looking forward to weekends of just lazing around for a while.

The girl I hooked up with in rehab has been stayin' at my place since she got out.

Its nice. She's cool and my boredom has been alleviated by her company.

We drove 2 hours to pick up her 4 year old. He has been staying with his crack addict dad and it just wasn't a good situation.

She is going back home on Thursday and it looks like I'm going to have to hurt the father of this little boy.

I'd rather not resort to violence but this guy is a threat to her mental health, sobriety, economic well-being and any other positive thing she has in her life.

This poor little boy has been exposed to all the negative shit that comes with addiction. The fuckin' dude smokes his pipe right in front of the kid.

He has her cell phone and car and has been delaying the return of both. She needs these two items to help in getting a job.

I'll ask him ONCE for the keys and phone.

My boots are polished. My laces are tight.

Don't EVER fuck with those who are trying to get better.

I had a really good last week at work and this week has sucked, I’m at $200 after two shifts. There is no rhyme or reason to this job and it’s what I can’t take. I feel like the night is good or bad and it has nothing to do with me—I get lucky with customers and that’s out of my control, and some nights the customers seem to love me and other nights they don’t. I can wear the same clothes and say the same shit and do my hair and make up the same way and it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

What I hate is not even when I leave work with $100 but how much I feel like I failed myself and everyone there. I hate leaving work and not having made the club any money or having anything to tip anyone. It’s embarrassing and I feel like everyone thinks I suck at my job. If I’m just not hustling then I know it pisses them off, but if I’m hustling my ass off and no one is buying then it’s just embarrassing. It’s a really fucking bizarre situation to be a stripper—we are what makes the club money and if we make them money then they love us and if we don’t then we’re just a failure. But they have no respect or see any value in us unless we make them money; if we’re crying because we don’t have rent or some customer was a grabby asshole they tell us to go in the dressing room so we don’t scare the customers. To the customers we’re the same thing, they want as much as they can get for as cheap as they can get but they don’t give a shit about us, any skinny blonde stripper will pretty much do. Its fun and its fucking stressful to go into work knowing you could walk out with an infinite amount of money or you could walk out with nothing.

The highs and lows are also what I cannot deal with. At the gym my job was completely separate from who I was or how I saw myself. At the club I am basically working a sales job but the product I am selling is myself and so I can’t separate myself from it. Sometimes my night is filled with guys telling me over and over again how perfect I am and spending tons of money and I leave thinking I’m perfect and the hottest girl in the world. Other nights I can’t sell a dance to save my life and leave wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

And within the club there is so much bullshit. I can’t work at my old club anymore after working at this new one… it’s so much easier to make money and the possibilities for making money are so much higher. And I can’t put up with the insanely ridiculous amount of drama that is there, the last night I worked I had a girl telling customers and the manager I had a disease. Drama is less at this club but its still there, and even though I tried really hard not get involved in it when I started working it was pretty much inevitable since I was dating someone that worked there. I hate working his nights because he is constantly fucking with my head and hurting me, I hate feeling like the bouncers or managers are thinking well we know how you got this job or laughing or sneering at me. I hate how his attitude towards me affects how I work or how I feel at the end of the day. And I hate that even though I’ve mostly kept to myself these past few weeks some of the fuck ups I made when I first fot there—getting so drunk I fell asleep on the sidewalk and had to get picked up by one of the bouncers and ask the manager to drive me back to my motel—people will not let it go. And even though I know that I could move on so much more easily and start over without all the bullshit from the other club running over if I quit and switched clubs, I don’t want to give him or anyone else that power to make me lose a job that I went through so much shit to get and is really fucking good most of the time.

I feel like this job is my life and there is nothing besides it—I worked at the gym more hours but they were NORMAL hours and so I felt like I had a life outside of it. I also had my family and my friends, neither if which I have anymore. Sometimes I feel like what I am doing is good and once I’m back in school next semester things will work out. Other times I feel like I’ve lost everything and have fucked up really fucking big somewhere along the way. I know I am pretty much building my life up from the ground but its hard for me to stop and look to see what I have accomplished most of the time. Three months ago I was sleeping on my friends couch with nothing but my car, now I have my own apartment. But it seems like so much shit is constantly coming up that I can never be settled. I don’t known if I just need time to sort it out or its never going to get there. But its not even the outside bullshit that really gets to me and makes me depressed, it’s the lack of relationships in my life. I’m realizing that I could make 20 grand and still go home depressed and come back to work the next night, because money is really not what has or ever will make me happy and this job is what I’m filling up my life with.

yeah 400mg is to much see attachment. if you disagree than let me know so I can offer further proof.

I want to be a psychonaut
And learn about the things
That can't be seen without a boost
From chemical based wings.
I want to be a psychonaut
And find somewhere I'm free
Going way down deeper than the time
I ate that 2C-B.
I must say it was quite delicious
(Not the pill - the feeling)
I could feel the world in new ways
I could feel the whole world healing.
I could hear the noises of a new enchanting scene
A world of new exciting things
Where I had never been.
Maybe I should quit the cannabis
This evil gateway drug
The cannabis is killing me
Like some black deadly bug.
(And as you know, I'm lying
To appeal to all the guys
Who don't agree with what I like -
They're lies, my people, LIES!)
To be psychonaut is 'bad'
It's foolish and naive
The very reason I'm lured in
It's not hard to believe.
So I will strap my helmet on
And venture somewhere new
To be a psychonaut is BAD
(And therefore thrilling too!)


By Me - she phoenix.
Peace and love to you all

the article

I'm sitting here in a hair salon in a small coal mining town two hours away from home. I came here to drop off the girl I've been seeing who I met in rehab.

She is feeling those feelings that us addicts feel when we return to our old stompin' grounds. This feeling is contagious so I may leave sooner than expected.

I'm glad her parents weren't home. She planned on chugging a beer as soon as she walked in the door. I'm not ok with that.

She has plans for us tonight but hasn't revealed them to me.

I've been around long enough to know that this isn't a good spot for me. I feel like she plans on using. She has a prescription for some potent stuff waiting for her tomorrow.

I can only hope for the best. I still have a bad feeling.

This isn't a good place for me. I can always leave if it starts to look the way I think its going to.

I gave her my knife for protection so I just have my boots to handle any 'tough guy' addicts I expect we'll be meeting.

I have 34 days clean today and will not fuck that up.

I hope she makes the right decisions. I can't be around people who use, PERIOD.

I wanted to make note of my intentions this season.

Truly believing in some psyche-spiritual __untangable healin'.

My intentions:
Take Neurotranmitter test- get my brain back together.

Go to 2 spiritual healers. One Akashic the other shaman.. Lets get my mind-body-soul speaking properly to eachother.

I intend on getting my stuff together- a proper budget. No more overdrafts! lol Getting paid weekly seems to make my bank account infinite except around thursdays when there is layover. haha

Lets be on time for everything, getting invoices out, orders out, emails, calls, everything.

Get in contact with extended family- if I feel disconnected and forgotten, maybe I should make myself known rather then have a feeling back in my mind of an orphan.

From this- clear my conscience, so that I may release every bit of ties to this world and experience another via sacred plants. It has been way too long- too too long.

Ultimately, I want to make this a fresher start of ambition and perseverance.

Today marked the beginning of my turn inwards......changing with the seasons.....
I always feel a need to reevaluate myself at this time of year ......
And to gather as much knowledge as possible to grow spiritually......
Harvest my spring and summer mental crop and let what has been used up or served its purpose, wilt away........
Today I welcomed the Sun into my Ascendants sign.....Now it will trine my sun, cross my Saturn, Jupiter,Moon,Ascendant, trine my Mercury and Mars and conjoin with Pluto.....Lots to look forward to.....
When the Sun hits the early part of Libra I always feel thankful......Makes me warm and fuzzy
Welcome Sun!

about a month ago in class, i was asked to chose one word that describes me. lackadaisical is the first word that popped into my head. it wasn't a very good choice since everyone else was creative jill or silly bob. not that it matters now since i withdrew from the program.

but i am still feeling the same way. i know i do not want to continue with the program i was in. and that i want to move back to OH to be with james as soon as i save up money. but i have no idea what i want to do when i get there.

do i want to continue with my masters in special ed? start a new bachelor's degree? go for my rather unpractical phd in educational psych? how will i support myself? if i move back, will we ever leave? can i handle being near all the reasons that prompted me to move cross country?

in other news, i am still waiting on the real wedding photos. its annoyed and frustrating.

i can't think of a more irrelevant question. Let's get to the more important aspects of the day's events.


Save remaining rolls for first rave on sat, consume mescaline now.

or

love flip.

ORRRR

love flip at rave.(doesn't sound good, for my first rave)


fucking decisions. now that's what life is about: choices, and how you make them.

that's what i tell people when they ask me to describe the effects of cactus tea. it's such a weird feeling, but so easily manageable.(at a typical dose) i could easily see a person using mescaline in a manner similar to the way a lot of marijuana users constantly blaze up. IF a readily available and easily accessible form of purified mesc was available...because i really don't see anyone drinking multiple doses of pedro tea throughout the day.

i knew this guy who had the opportunity to use peyote with a bunch of native american teens. he said they would just stay up all night, slowly munching away at the buttons, playing video games or whatever. i remember being shocked, always thinking that it was some highly sacred and religious ceremony. it probably really is, in the 'proper' traditional setting. maybe the younger generation of that specific tribe didn't follow what they were taught, if anything. shit if i was those kids i'd be abusing my legal right all the time too!

but yea, imagine not a bunch of kids with red eyes and reduced speech-capacity roaming around your highschool. instead you'd see kids all wide-eyed with larger pupils, grinning like they just won a million bucks non stop cruising around with that funny tweaker-walk.

i still haven't had any earth-shattering experiences with the stuff.(oh how i crave thee) but it can get intense, but so mellow. like waves of mellow-tense. so here i am, coming down from strong tea experience, munching down on the chunks i made it with, ready to call in sick to work in a few hours. delicious....autumn kicks ass already

Today is Sunday, September 20th, 2009 and it is now 519 PM here in Brooklyn, NYC, USA.

In an hour or so the Jewish New Year celebrations will end, as the sun sets, ending yet another day on the Jewish Calendar (which unlike the Solar based Western Calendar is Lunar based, days beginning and ending at sundown). This year, 5770 began on Friday, September 18th of the Western Calendar as the sun dipped to the west.

It is actually a 1 day celebration but for at least 700 years we have universally celebrated it as a 2 day holiday due to the logistical problems of having a very geocentric culture, tied to the Middle-East, scattered around the globe. For example, as I sit here in NYC waiting for the sun to set, it set hours ago in our homeland, Israel.

The Jewish Name, "Rosh HaShanah," is Hebrew and literally means "Head of the Year." Mizrachi Jews (Middle Eastern Jews such as my father's family) traditionally will eat the head of a sheep or goat to denote that literal meaning. What would be the greatest delicacy from tasty morsel you ask? Why the eys of course? Why my manatee of the mind? Because the eyes help us to have foresight and see the path ahead (for the coming year) clearly. Other Jews have tamler foods associated with the holiday, the Ashkenaz Jews (Central and Eastern European Jews like my mum's family), the quinessential "apples and honey" being the best known. Apples signify wisdom (NOT from the "Tree of Knowledge" as some imagine) and honey, of course, sweetness. The idea is to impart wishes of "sweet knowledge" for the year ahead.

Religiously it is very important because our religious is very anal retentive about timing. Most Jews believe this to be the day upon with G-D created the universe, while a tiny minority believe that THAT happened 4 days ago, and the New Year merely represents the day upon which G-D created humankind. It beings a 10 day period know in English as "The 10 Days of Repentance."

At the end of this period comes our holiest day of the year, "The Day of Atonement." Known by the Hebrew, "Yom Kipoor " ("Day of Atonement" literally), it is the 1 day of the year where we confess our sins and beg forgiveness to G-D.

It is a day of fasting, and it is the only day of the year where Jews will bow (until about 100 years ago some Jews did bow at other times but in Muslim fashion, not as Christians envision it).

My New Year has been extremely low key to say the least. Most years I make a pilgrimage to the town of Uman, in the Ukraine. The medium sized town is the home to the tomb of "Rabbi Nachman of Breslau." "Breslau" is alternatively known by the Russianised, and most commonly used "Breslov" while Yiddish speakers such as my mum" family tend to call it by the Yiddish "Bratzlav."

"Rebbe Nachman" as he is known in Yiddish died in the first years of the 19th Century CE/AD. He was only in his early 30s and gone to Uman to lead a leisurely life since had advanced TB and probablly knew he was dying.

Without getting into a very long and undoubtedly boring screed (for virtually any of the 1.5 people reading my Blog) he was the great grandson of the "Ba'al Shem Tov," (Master of the Good Name) known to most Jews by the Hebrew acronym "BESH'T."

BESH'T, whose actual name was Eliezer Ben Ya'akov, was a mostly illiterate daycare worker who revolutioned European Jewish religious life. In short, he founded "Chassidic Judaisim" (Hassidic Judaisim).

R. Nachman believed that the many followers of his great grandfather had perverted his teachings and sought to re-focus attention on the essence of these beliefs (Joy in Worship, dancing, singing, clapping, emphasis less on scholarly study and more on fufillment of religious precepts through daily life, etc.)..

R. Nachman also was heavily influenced by secularism, inm his incorporation of what was then very progressive thinking.

My mum was from a palce called Trans-D'niester, on the border of what is now the country of Moldova. Like all incredibly impovershied places, charismatic movements took root quite reasily and "Bratzlav Chaddishe, " as it is called in Yiddish (Breslov Judaisim)took hold in a huge way. Ergo her family were firmly in the movement and when I was a small boy here in Brooklyn I was educated in Breslove schools.

In Israel, and to a much lesser degree Antwerp in Belgium and here in Brooklyn the Breslov are into "Outreach," dealing with under served segmants of our society. Famous for their work with convicts, addicts and the religiously unobservant this work has offered the movement an in incredibley rich gift in asimilating many diverse outlooks. In turmn, many modern, secularised Jews are attracted to a branch of Judaisim that is ultra-religious but which encourages mediation, communing with nature and intoxicants (the last actually a feature in every branch of religious Judaisim).

At New Year Uman is flooded with 30 to 45,000 Jews from every corner of the globe. Many come with only a 1 way ticket, no money to live on and so if you can imagine, it is like the parking lot of a Grateful Dead concert (many of the same physical types as well, i.e. "Hippies"), but with a spiritual ambiance.

In the years when I do not go to Uman I usually go to Buenos Aries in Argentina, a country where I have alot of family on both sides. I usually stay with Clansmen (father's family) in the Palermo section of the city but alas, this year it was Avenue H Brooklyn for this tired Jew.

Brooklyn is actually the home to the world's largest Jewish Community (including Israel in the counting!) so it offers a very vibrant atmosphere. On Friday, the initial day, I went to synagouge (Midwood Jewish Center, the chief Sephardic synagouge) and heard the "Shofar." A shofar is a ram's horn fashiopned into a trumpet of sorts, along theb lines of a conch shell being used in that fashion.

The major Commandment of the holiday involves the hearing of it, went to a couple of parties and as everyone got ripped (as in "wasted," another feature of the day) I bid adieu.

I returned to the basement flat I use here, and share with other transient clansmen, and basically broke Religious Law (in the bathroom so noone busted my balls) by IMing a "friend" of mine in the Philippines (I will get to that soon). Indeed, the reason why I did not leave the US for the holiday is because I am about to bounce to the Philippines again as well (also a subject I will get to).

As this post is probablly close to the character limit I will close on that note...

I just got back from my doctor appointment, I missed my suboxone doctor appointment months ago because of course the addict side of me just said fuck treatment and went back to using. But I'm slowly starting to find reasons for me to sober up and get off the junk, and I know I've said that so many times and failed even when I swore to myself it was the last shot. But this time things are really starting to seem like they might change for me. I had a job interview last Friday and that went fucking awesome, the whole process took four hours but they said they were really impressed with me not to mention it pays $11.00 an hour starting then you get a 90 day evaluation which can lead to an even better raise.

Then a big one was my sister, I haven't seen her in six years and on Sat I finally went to see her. I got to see my niece and nephew too for the first time and to hear her call me uncle really touched me to be honest. I ended up staying the night and smoking some pot with my sister, making it overall a great reunion.

It's been three days clean now, I can only hope that number keeps going up and heroin...although the comfort it beings will be well missed. I feel it will do nothing more then hold me back from what really matters. That's all it has done, I want both in my life but I have to be serious about which one is going to benefit me more in the long run.

Ugh Im acting the way I always swore I wouldnt when I met someone I was interested in! Shoot me now.

So the guy has been busy and we havent had much contact, which has really sucked. The first week was 400 smses and phone calls every night. This past week has been a 400 smses from me and few from him. He's been working long hours, which I sympathise with.

I guess I expect people to act how I would act. I would send a reply sms as soon as I left work, rather than when I got home from work/gym/shopping. Tonight is a good example. I called him last night and left a message; this morning he smsed saying he had left work late and was driving to meet friends on the coast and his phone has been on silent so he hadnt heard the call. Anyway, I sent an sms in reply saying cool, have a good weekend. Tonight I couldnt stand it so I rang him, got his voicemail again. He rang me on his way back to his place. Unfortunately I was in the middle of cooking. So yeah.....he'd gotten all my calls and stuff, but hadn't bothered to send a quick message or anything.

*sigh* I know Im reading too much into it, and I know Im probably coming off as a stalker. Grrr. This always happens - I become a happy single, someone shows interest in me, something starts, then they fizzle.

Anyways, Im trying to be upbeat about it all and just chillax. I reeeeeally want to smoke some pot but I wont. I hope he calls back later....be good to chat to him like last week, and maybe sus out if he wants me to come visit him again soon.

-end the ramblings of a whack job

Shortly here I should be meeting David for breakfast and I have so many fucking mixed feelings about the whole situation. David is a good friend of mine, the whole reason I went to treatment actually. He was the one when I was on my 4th day of kicking dope cold turkey said I looked like shit and gave me the choice of rehab and have his friendship or telling my whole family my habit and letting them deal with me. At least now I've been clean for a little while now though and I don't look like a hardcore junkie which tends to be my appearance after awhile of using.

Well I didn't get to write about how things went when I got back because my cousin came over and I ended up getting distracted with a bottle of alcohol...thank god I didn't get too hammered. I just drank a little to get my mind off all the memories and emotions that came up talking to him about shit...and it worked. Some would call this a relapse but I'm sorry to say it...my problem isn't with alcohol, it's with illegal drugs, mainly heroin. I have the control to say "just one drink" but I never could say "just one hit" or "just one shot".

While we were eating, it was somewhat awkward. It's like you see in the movies when the two people are trying so hard to have a conversation but they can't seem to really get one going. We were asking dumb questions like "how is the family" and it just wasn't what I was expecting. I can't say it was bad...but it could have been better. I had a feeling he knew I wasn't completely sober.

I'm not even sure to be quite honest. I think our friendship was ruined when I let him take me to rehab. Ever since I got out of treatment it hasn't been the same...but nothing has been really. It's like don't get me wrong, being sober has it's pro's and con's just like using but it feels like something is just missing.

Well I'm going to go have a smoke and eat breakfast now, I'm hungry as hell. Then I got to go to my suboxone doc and get a refill.

note: if you're a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this to contain so much math

You know you're one of my top bros, bro, because you got my back. And I got yours. You're my bro. But you went above and beyond the other night, bromaldehyde. You really did. Saving me that seat at the show, even though all those other bros were trying to get up front, bro? So clutch.

You are truly a god among bros.

Just when I think you're as solid as a bro can get, you raise the very definition of brodom to new heights. You're like a brogle, soaring to the farthest reaches of the atbrosphere. Seriously. If it weren't for you and your extreme brobility to hook a bro up when it is most croosh, I'd have been stuck in some bitch-ass seat, cramped all in the corner with a bunch of bitch-asses, bro. But you stepped up. You brovercame all obstacles to help a bro out. This is the kind of shit that makes bros for life.

Brody, I was so stoked when you told Gina to go eat a fat one after she asked if she could have your other ticket, even though you knew you could probably get a pretty deese HJ from her. Bros before hos, bro. That's what I'm talking about.

You are the king of all bros. Brotankhamen. You are the Ayatollah Bromeini. You are Broseidon, lord of the brocean.

But this is just one of many times you've fallen on a grenade for me, brozo. Who took the blame when I broke Skeeter's bong and fucking Skeeter was all fucking pissed? You, bro. Who was the first to bro up and carry that fucking keg of Killian's up four flights of stairs for Duke's surprise party? You, bro. Who was the only Bromo sapien on the planet to tell me he thought the brand-new rims on my F-350 were the shit even though everyone else was all, like, fucking not that excited about them? Bro, you know it was you. You're my broheim supremo, bro, and don't you ever forget it.

I'm so fucking glad we're bros, bro!

I've long admired your absolute broficiency in all things bro-related, and the way you've always carried yourself in a brofessional manner. I consider you a brole model. When I was new in this town, you took me under your wing and showed me the bropes. And I will always preesh that. Not only did you school me in proper brotocol, but you were a spiritual leader, a confidant, and, more importantly, a bro. You taught me how to be true to my inner bro and to bros around me. You are a real bro. Not a fake bro, like those other douches. I hate fake bros, bro. Faux breaux. Fuck that. No, really, bro…you're practically a bro-ther to me.

Look at you, blasting in like Rambro and firing off your launcher like nobrody's business, bro. Serious Brotosaurus Rex action. Brodius Maximus. I'm not big on labels, but you, more than any of the wiggers, bitches, goth chicks, dorks, homos, or Mexicans I know, are absolutely beyond rebroach.

In fact, your brotitude is so brossential that, in many ways, you are the ultimate brototype: You sprung out of the brotean ooze at the very broment of creation, unformed, unmolded, and became the ultimate bro, more powerful than any who came brofore. I don't fear your power, bro, but I respect it. And I will always brobey it.

Brosemite Sam. Potassium Bromide. Brobi Wan Kenobi. Brover Norquist.

Like Broseph Stalin, you are leading the way to the dictatorship of the broletariate. It is truly revbrolutionary. Like the Bro v. Wade of our generation. You brobliterate the enemy from the very peak of Mt. Brolympus. That's some shit. That's brolific. But that's the kind of bro you are.

Bro-S.A.! Bro-S.A.! I'm so pumped right now! Bro-S.A.!

You are the epitome of bro, in every brossible way, and that's the Bro's honest truth, bro. I may have a bropensity for broverstatement, but this no mere hyperbrole: You are 100 brocent, absbrolutely the broest. Brotally.

I wish I had the words to describe what a good friend you are, dude.

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throwin' up a solem the brofist for the visionary rambro of wordsmithry who originally wrote this: zach caldwell. and in case you didn't know, get all your brossentials from the bro code pdf, as seen on tv. anyway i gotta go watch manswers, i fucking love that show. catch you later brozz

my life is spiraling downward. i couldn't get enough money to go to the blood red romance and suffocate me dry concert. which sucks because they play some of my favorite songs like "stab my heart because i love you" and "rip apart my soul" and of course "stabby rip stab stab" and it doesn't help that i couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either like the guy from that one band can do.

...my life is just a black abyss you know? its so dark and its suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip. tighter than a pair of my little sisters jeans (which look great on me by the way...)

and my parents don't get me ya know? they think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy.. well a couple of guys, but i mean like its the 2000's can't 2.. or.. 4 dudes make out with each other without being gay? i mean chicks dig that kinda thing anyways.

i don't know diary sometimes i think you're the only one who gets me. you're my best friend. i feel like tacos.

For years I had in my profile that I sold stimulants to yuppies. Meaning of course that I was employed at Starbucks. It was a good time, for the most part, and more or less funded my education (at the expense of not having the time to do my own research or work in my field). In the end it was a crutch, as much social as financial, which I just had to throw away to be able to progress in life-- at least professionally. Was I ready? At the time, no; I spent nearly a year unemployed thanks to my lack of professional experience and the fact that there were little if any jobs in my field locally. Was it the right decision? Hell yes; I would still be working there if I hadn't left then.

Crutch or not though, there were many good times over my time there. I met many great, fun people, and most days just had a riot at work. Hell, for the last three years I pretty well just kept the job so that I could socialize and get paid at the same time.

Getting the idea from RedLeader and inspired by a post from OverDone in TDS, I'd like to share a few of those good times.

The last store at which I worked was in a 'city centre' mall, meaning that it was part of an interconnected series of retail centres at the base of a few of my city's largest office towers. Meaning that it was busy as fuck during the week (during the day at least), but completely dead on the weekend. Since I was a student for most of the time there, I worked most of my hours on the weekends, which gave plenty of time for shenanigans. In addition to the usual showing up for work still high/drunk from the night before, or drinking/smoking/etc at work of course.

One of my favourite coworkers was a 2nd generation hippie who I'll call L. She was a tiny little woman, a couple of years younger than me but with a rambunctious sense of humour and surprising intelligence and knowledge on a wide range of topics. One Sunday, her showing up still drunk from the bar before, and me still up from taking a few pills at a house party, decided to close the store just before the busiest time of the day and go smoke a bowl. This was around 4 years ago, when I was still actively doing these sorts of things. When we returned, there was a group of maybe 15 people waiting angrily outside of the store, but we still made sure to wait a good half-hour after getting back before re-opening. They were pissed, but all we could do was laugh at them. There was another place that sold coffee right next door to us, yet they would rather wait an hour and pay twice as much to get horrible service by obviously intoxicated staff. All but one got drip coffee, and all still left tips. Suckers

The rest of the day was spent fashioning a basketball hoop out of stir sticks, attaching it to a wall, and throwing a wadded up ball of napkins and masking tape at it while contrasting existential and solipsist philosophy.

Last I heard, about 8 months ago, is that L had moved to Vancouver. We had kept in touch in a casual way after I left, but my period of unemployment distanced me from many people-- in particular former coworkers--, unfortunately including her. A shame really, since she was the sort of person who could talk about any topic, and provide some excellent insight to boot.

So, does anyone else have a good Starbucks (or other cafe/retail job) story? I have many others, but they'll have to wait for another day.

When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.

I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.

So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.

Click to expand...

Living your life knowing that you might never wake from sleep, how easy is it to fall asleep?
The doctors assure you that you will, that they've "fixed" god's mistake. How can they assure that when they have no hand in the play.
How can they foolishly assure next breath, when nothings a gaurentee.

Living life with an incurable disease that will one day rob you of sanity, ability to think, sight, higher brain function, reason, mobility, and one day even rob you of your life....

They sugar coat it, oh it's nothing big. Oh lots of kids are getting it now, are born with it....you can live a full productive life.

Depression, weakness, tremors, memory loss, not recalling most of your life. Yes fantastic fucking life Health Canada.

Epilepsy, the dark side of life.

Fuck you.

getting som morph fri. for the first time. whats best way to take. rails or bombing. I want fast and hard. I heard rails get you fast but feel kinda shitty later. oh and can i smoke it?

im livid.

i havent been this angry in a long, long time. completely, entirely, overwhelmingly, and genuinely angry.

and i know im not just stressed ("just" being the key word there) or tired or having a bad day, im actually angered and appalled at what has transpired. i dont know how to handle it. i dont know what i can or should do, but something has to change.

ive calmed down, sat and smoked a few hundred cigarettes while gulping my coffee and trying to do what i always do which is look at the situation from an outside perspective. most of the time it works, but not now. not with something like this.

hate has formed new definition