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CYCLOPROPANECOCAINECRAZY

Improved DRI profile.

Gets you high, gets you high, gets you really, really high?

Uh oh. Now I am aware of the addictive potential. I am aware that I should not use what I acquired for more than 2 days in a row and preferably not at all consecutively in terms of back to back days. I only purchased one ounce. It is available at a store down the street (not at all low quality). Sue me.

I mean I am in recovery but I completely rationalized and minimized this. Perhaps I wasn't even concerned about making a rational choice and felt this is just a plant so why should I not try it? On another site I hang out on (NoFap) a fellow vegan user was talking about how he used it and I kind of shunned it as being highly addictive. I mean if someone feels they need it for a viable reason I shouldn't shun it but I didn't want anyone to get an idea of using it by him talking about it I guess. Anyways back to the present situation here.

I drank probably over 10g lol but not much more than that. Two tablespoons at most I would say. I think I should hide it away from home in the morning and not touch it until later or maybe just use it tomorrow and then stash it for another time. Definitely not trying to start a kratom habit here.

I guess I will channel it socially here now in some social threads. See ya around. And btw I am not drinking alcohol with it nor doing the stuff on the net that corrodes my sense of being well which leads to drinking and using propylhexedrine. On that note I was reading the fatality reports about kratom on Erowid and one of them involved propylhexedrine. I tried kratom once before with a good amount of alcohol and propylhexedrine in my system and vomited my brains out. This is a wake-up call right here: https://erowid.org/plants/kratom/kratom_fda_death_case_reports_2017-12.pdf

This entry is related to my personal spiritual life.

A couple resources I want to share before I get back on track w/ my drug history. Next up is LSD (never to be taken again, can you believe that?!).

I train the mind morning and night as described in this Buddhist lecture series. Spoiler since it is really kind of Buddhist.


And this one is Theravadan (Buddhist, more analytical and appealing to science minded folks however Buddhism as a whole to me is the most in-depth science of the mind on the planet) which can really be taken as insight for anybody since it does not demand you train your mind in a directly Buddhist type of manner:

'Just One More ...'

There are also talks and videos of it on YouTube and elsewhere on the net if you want to explore it. By Ajahn Amaro.

Have you read Carl or Friedrich's material? I find these two insightful. Bob Ross I was not familiar with on television however this video below is worthy enough to share in this blog entry. Sure he may not have went as deep into the psyche as Jung & Nietzsche but his attitude and paint brush count for something.

Do me a favor and the next time you ingest a hallucinogenic compound don't take it for the hallucinogenic properties but rather let it open your mind to a new picture of reality. Reality is subjective only through our own little ego lenses. Let the experience bring you closer to a reality beyond the ego lens I mean.

Or don't. Or just meditate without having to go through the trouble of acquiring a possibly volatile substance.

I know I have no desire to use any psychoactive compounds these days. This does not mean I do not want to understand the universe nor have I come to an ultimate understanding of it by any means. What it means is that I feel psychoactive substances are not the only key to unlock the mystery of the cosmos that's all.



Btw Freud wasn't at all worthy enough to be in this post.

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
― Carl Gustav Jung

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
― Carl Gustav Jung

Ok they are all worthy so check them out for me please: https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/38285.C_G_Jung

And a taste of Nietzsche,

"Without music, life would be a mistake."
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
― Friedrich Nietzsche

https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1938.Friedrich_Nietzsche


I don't actually like to party anymore. I don't feel like dancing. I am so sorry. But this Chi-A.D. track is still banging enough for me to get off listening to in ear buds while on a PC,

I have no more desire to take LSD. The last time I took it was much stronger than I was hoping it would be. I tried to abort the trip but with nothing on hand to do that what actually ended up happening was intensifying the trip with lemon juice (don't ask how that decision was reached). Actually that probably didn't do anything but stir up the angst of the entire situation.

LSD didn't do anything for me really in terms of unlock the doors of ultimate neverending freedom/liberation nor make me enlightened. IT is a drug, and while it may have benefited me in more ways than other drugs (my first trip left me really depressed on the comedown despite being incredibly euphoric, can't say you should try it if you take SSRI's as I was way back in early high school but it didn't interact dangerously with it minus messing up my serotonin chemistry I am thinking) I can't say it is something out of a magical fantasy novel that can really produce wonders that remain once the drug is long gone. But what can really? Well this isn't about magic nor fantasy so let's get on with it then.

Visuals never mattered to me. That's just your brain on drugs, like get over it already. Anyways I feel that many visuals are distractions and nothing more really. That is just my take on them. Hallucinations are false in many cases. Just fake nonsense with no real meaning. Another distraction in my eyes. Now visions are something I could see holding some kind of meaning and value perhaps but I never had them on LSD. Mushrooms on the other hand sent me deep into shamanic trance and the whole experience became a visionary consciousness thing where I was literally removed from reality into a dream state.

LSD basically whipped me into shape really quick on the last and most powerful trip and said to me you don't need to keep taking drugs to be happy and live a full life, including me.

A list of what I took. I think I said enough. Not a trip report type. Can't say I needed to take LSD but where I was at the time taking it I can say it never hurt me or sent me to a psych ward like alcohol did once (wasn't truly admitted but I spent the night). Phenibut made me insane FFS, LSD never made me crazy contrary to what anti-drug propaganda would like you to believe (there was a myth about becoming legally insane after taking X amount of acid when we were younger). However I have heard stories of people taking it in my high school who took it too far, they dosed too much strong blotter and had scary experiences. Bad trips if you will. Also I heard of someone who always got sad on the comedown so be careful if you take it and make sure you don't have mental health issues to begin with. And also I have heard of "10-strip" eaters who just tripped themselves out of this world somehow whereas my friends and I couldn't even think of eating half that much. Experiences are relative I guess. Stay healthy.

1st trip was mainly only visual (not a real trip but there were visuals! I think the cube lost alot of potency as the source was trusted and it was left outside one night after being stored in a closet for a long time, was nervous about taking it once I acquired it so I held onto it for months, perhaps that is why I always wanted to store it inside a fridge after this) and I took it in school. I remember some visuals clearly but nothing to say beyond that. How is that possible? It is apparently. Sugar cube in tinfoil. Tinfoil was just holding it until it was dropped.

2nd trip: Spiderman blotter. Super potent. Dosed two. Incredible high. The mental trip was pronounced and we all knew we were tripping (one of us had tripped before and had taken very strong acid so we weren't all uninitiated I guess). Outside at a park. Cannabis was smoked in the woods which just felt like wonderland or something. Super euphoric without any trace of fear. Massively confident and rejoicing in the effects. Clean as a whistle LSD. Wanted to redose but didn't for some reason, perhaps a shortage of blotter. The only downside was feeling really low energy on the comedown and drained basically. All the magic vanished once the effects wore off. Completely forgotten upon comedown.

3rd trip: This might actually be the fourth as more spiderman was taken at a Phil Lesh concert and afterwards at home, same incredibly clean and fun dosing experience as the first time it was dropped. Anyways let's just call these pyramids acquired at an Allman Bros concert the 3rd. Also orange jellies. Taken together. The thing is mushrooms were taken too which sent me into unconscious trance involving a loss of control. I don't know what would have happened had the 3.5g of mush NOT been taken with the four hits of doses. Who knows but we tumbled much further into the rabbit hole than intended and there were bad things that happened but no one was hurt nor arrested so all was good in the end.

4th trip: Actually I might be out of order here so let me just call this one the white fluff sessions. Beautiful LSD and the blotter just represents where it is coming from I guess I mean LSD is LSD regardless of blotter style right? Well this was better than any taken so far and was acquired at a RatDog show or from some deadhead in a lot of some remaining dead member's band's show. Wasn't Phish. Visuals were pleasant but again that is just eye candy like what's the big whoop dude? Minor insights but I was just a lost drug using wannabe hippie around this time. Did not harm me at all, was clean as a whistle LSD like dude it isn't deadly or mind corroding stuff.

5th trip: Cherubs. Really nice acid. From a deadhead friend. Insights were more prominent than visuals if I recall correctly.

Final trip: Chinese needlepoint disguised as stinky cheese WHAT?! Don't ask. Idk wtf was going on but it was so strong. It felt like I wanted to end it but I couldn't and I just had to ride it out. It just ate into every cell of my body and upon the morning I felt like a new person and since then have never thought about trying acid again.

This song is just because I like it. Like I said acid never hurt my mind but hey I can see how it could if you have underlying issues already. Stay safe know your source and all I can say is NBOMe's are not LSD.

Schedule is getting rearranged here. LSD will be documented later today here (final blog post today, will not even be doing one entry per day from now on). But really quick let me drop this substituted tryptamine file.

This documents my past experience with them. Let me make a short list of what I have taken.

1) 4-HO-MiPT
2) Could have sworn it was Aces. Cannot verify this. Anyways it didn't give me a wallop to my mind the way Miprocin did.

Was it really only these two? Probably. I wanted to experiment with more before losing interest after Aces. Aces just made me feel the synthetic nature of what I was actually doing and I had no interest to ever use them again.

Call me a naturalist I guess? Wasn't always like that I suppose though.

Hey a song! And ya I cannot say you attempt either but I can say 4-HO-MET is something I would have liked to begin with in retrospect.



Miprocin was incredibly mind blowing. I wigged out on it. Thought I was going to die and ran off to be saved by viewing images of a great Buddhist master. The trip calmed down after that. Felt like I was going to fall into the abyss because you really can't die on that stuff easily but hey megadosing is never advised.

Did you know the author of that Chicken Soup for the Soul sap-crap (sappy crappy, hahah jk my friend had them in a downstairs bathroom if I recall correctly as a child, his mom read them I am assuming as memory is telling me) takes drugs to expand his consciousness? WHAT?!! Dude I heard him mention he used sacraments of either the chemical or plant variety on a Rich Roll podcast. He doesn't do it often but he said something about once a year or maybe even more often. Maybe less now actually. He has a history of exploring altered states of mind, which he says has benefited his life.

http://theindiespiritualist.com/2013/09/02/10-questions-series-jack-canfield/

Anyways I tried to get into his 30 Day Sobriety Solution book but never followed through with it completely. What I found funny was that on their site (a big part of the program) people were saying how they didn't think it was possible for a problem drinker to cut back to a moderate level of healthy drinking. The thing is drinking is not health benefiting as research now shows us but people can still do it and get away with it responsibly. But ya I know for me as an individual there is no such thing as moderate intake of alcohol. Not a chance, cannot be trained. You can't train yourself to do that once you enter the state of alcohol intoxication dude.

I cannot say I encourage anyone to try to cut back (but hey I can't say keep harming your life with booze if you are a problem boozer either...) as it doesn't work for me nor for others who feel as I do but hey if Jack says you can who am I to stop you from trying?

Oh and these Gabor videos I wanted to share in my journal but in the comments of this blog they go. Hectic schedule and too much to get out. Will get more organized in due time.

Have you ever smoked Sally? Did you ingest a tincture of some kind perhaps of a powerful divinorum extract? A combination of the two?

I have smoked it a handful of times. I could never bring myself to do it hard enough or rather properly enough (torching it in a bong or tobacco pipe is not like using a psychedelic ranger pipe and vaporizing that Scary Queen of the Jungle) to have a breakthrough. I don't think I want to after hearing about some people who took it all the way, hearing about what happened to their minds. Granted it goes away and you forget about the hell trip but hey this one is only for those who aren't afraid of the dark...or rather savagely bizarre with no concern for your enjoyment despite any revelations She might have in store...

The pins and needles sensation and almost like an uncomfortable feeling of being twisted that did not feel good at all, like sitting in an armchair and feeling like your body was being twisted in a really distorted shape into the chair which was really scary and uncomfortable prevented one from letting go and enjoying the ride I guess.

Who knows what it may have in store for you?



I have attempted it once alone in a bathroom but a trip sitter is highly advised for this Savage Queen. The first time I used it was with a friend and they found it equally disquieting/discomforting. Could not breakthrough. Did not want to attempt to after the first try.

I actually heard of someone binding themselves to a pole in their Mother's basement with rope so they could attempt a full dose properly. I am guessing they could not get a trip sitter or felt that perhaps the sitter themself wouldn't even be safe from Sally's full effects...

An ADHD prescription for Connor "Sprite" Cummins's spirit molecule!



Love You, Mel!
Merry Christmas.

0 = Pluto / Scorpio
1 = Sun / Leo
2 = Moon / Cancer
3 = Jupiter / Sagittarius
4 = Uranus / Aquarius
5 = Mercury / Gemini
6 = Venus / Libra
7 = Neptune / Pisces
8 = Saturn / Capricorn
9 = Mars / Aries

10 = The Wheel Of Fortune
11 = A Lion Muzzled, A Clenched First
12 = The Sacrifice, The Victim
13 = Change, Regeneration (The Grim Reaper)
14 = Movement, Challenge
15 = The Magician
16 = The Shattered Citadel
17 = The Star Of The Magi
18 = Spiritual Material Conflict
19 = The Prince Of Heaven
20 = The Awakening From The Grave
21 = The Crown Of The Magi
22 = The Fool
23 = The Royal Star Of The Lion
24 = Love, Money, Creativity
25 = Discrimination And Analysis
26 = Submission, Caution
27 = The Scepter
28 = The Trusting Lamb Of God
29 = Grace Under Pressure
30 = The Loner, Meditation
31 = The Radical
32 = Mass Communication



OLIVER TWIST



HUGH HEFNER



SUE or DAWN

^--Expecting this series to be *awesome.*



SUSAN

Cash Rules Errthing 'Round Me

chedda is stinky yo. da skrilla won't eva fill ya. only yo inborn mojo can do that fully.

My stress right now is all about the dough. Not having enough. Yet I am not homeless nor starving. Not even close.

Learning to live minimally is my current biggest obstacle. But I really don't feel it has to be as big an obstacle as my stubborn ego is making it out to be.

Living in a self-absorbed money obsessed society is not helping.

Stay strong my friends. I hope to expand this blog in the future to be more universal so to speak. For now just small entries. Quick to digest.

Spur of the moment entry inspired by stumbling upon this track while searching for Chi-A.D. tracks or something like that:



An artificial drone culture. Big Tech is hungry for dat currency. Spend wisely.

Gratitude and Ego.

Appreciation and Resentment.

Joy and Selfishness That Benefits No One.

I was being troubled last night (environment causing stress and pain, no doubt my bad karma causing me to have to endure it) by mood swings. They were directly caused by a painful enviroment (shitty bike ride home in freezing wet conditions later than I like to be out, welcome to the world of retail sales). Now I am not saying I do not have the ability to choose whether moods control me or I manage them maturely. I let the moods last night control me. I started having nasty thoughts of a person who has helped me alot in my life and projected my current situation (unwanted) as being caused by their influence on me. Even if I feel this way there is no reason to be disrespectful but I was throwing a temper tantrum over it. It wasn't as bad as similar mood swings in the past where I placed really disrespectful blame on this person however I know this needs to stop if I am to grow and move forward with my life and present reality.

Just some stuff related to wolves, for fun really. I was going to talk about something else too but this is all I can recall. Have a nice day.



Oh ya one more video I wanted to discuss in the comments. Without the discussion.

"Wolf! Right here and now!"
― Peter Straub, The Talisman

"Before he can become a wolf, the lycanthrope strips naked. If you spy a naked man among the pines, you must run as if the Devil were after you."
― Angela Carter, Burning Your Boats: The Collected Short Stories

So I am doing well with no trash. Booze, smut, cigs, and propyl (p-hex). A true hex on my life this beast is. It wants me dead. The beast possesses me I believe once I start getting all that trash in me. It can't get to me in my right mind. Enough about that however. Sinister stuff.

I am doing well with wholesome living. I am not having urges but due to the biological nature of a good chunk of my negative vice (does vice really have to be all bad?) urges are considered a part of being human. So while I have to learn how to process them maturely and rationally, some things have been helping transmute and deflect them. Qigong I feel is a powerful tool to improve one's mind and body. From the inside out. I am still such a lousy beginner. But I love it. I feel bad missing days of practicing it.

Anyways we live in a toxic Capitalist society that doesn't care about your health, wellness, nor life for that matter. Sounds grim but the shitbricks running my nation are dirty rotten pigs. I am not bashing all political parties and am not anti-government but come on this shit is sickly.

What if I get pushed into a corner somehow and it isn't my fault for stumbling into it? What will I do instead of grab a bottle of wine and fall off the right tracks to be happy in life? Hit the panic button...



Last resort option. I have used things in the past that were chemical but I feel did not harm me the way something like alcohol and propylhex have been killing me for the past 3 years now. SO when I say sobriety is the priority I mean from toxic life destroying things. Alcohol is just poison for me and I don't think it is something anyone should value as a tool to grow in life but hey people drink responsibly so I can't call it the devil but as for propyl dude I can't not call it sinister. However I used it for sinister purposes so I mean that is biased. I still can't encourage anyone to try it. Just from what it has done to me in the past. Alcohol did some shitty things but I felt like I was going to die on propylhexedrine on more than one occasion. I would only think of ingesting it once my inhibitions were stripped by ethanol. Literally stripped. The last relapses I was naked for the majority of them in front of screens. Do you see why I am implementing a panic button now? As I said a last resort and feel I don't need to rely on compounds to get better but if push comes to shove that baby is getting popped (random image but you get it).

Is that button a magic cure? No. But it would give a lesson a bottle of wine wouldn't in an eon.

I am an adherent or rather believer of the idea that mind is the master. Mind creates all. Mind your mind.

Addiction is not something I will dwell on any longer personally (the roots of my compulsion problems with chemicals including ethanol these days are in something known as PMO, reference NoFap for more info) here except to support and be a friend to others recovering from it.

As for me what is recovery other than changing my mind? Changing who I am? Recovery in another word is just change.

Digest Pep Love's album Ascension and we will be one step closer to a blog post called Infinite Consciousness. Or rather just Consciousness. Not ready for that post yet. Posts until then will be gathering inspiration for that one. Not sure what I will blog about after that.

Oh I said I would talk about socializing with new communities offline. Will do this before the Consciousness Exposition I suppose.

I am Buddhist. Do not click the spoiler if you have no interest in content related to that, please, thank you.





www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Aldous_Huxley

'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.'
― Aldous Huxley, Music at Night and Other Essays

'The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend'
― Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

ll medications sold in the U.S. can be divided into two categories:

• Prescription drugs that require a prescription to be sold
• Nonprescription or over-the-counter drugs that do not require a prescription from a doctor

Prescription drugs are generally more potent than those sold over-the-counter (OTC) and may have more serious side effects if inappropriately used. Therefore, these medications are only sold under a doctor's direction. These directions are written on a prescription by your doctor, then double-checked, packaged, and sold to you by a pharmacist. Your pharmacist will also counsel you on how to use your medication and the drug's potential side effects.
You should use only one pharmacy to fill your prescriptions. That way, you will have a single, complete source for all of your medications. The pharmacist will be more likely to pick up potential interactions among them and contact your doctor if needed. This applies to OTC as well as prescription drugs.
When you fill your prescription at the pharmacy, make sure to do the following:

• Your pharmacist must have the same information as your doctor regarding your medications and past reactions you have had (again, no reaction is too trivial to bring up).
• If there are children in the home, make sure to ask for child-resistant lids.
• If no children are in the household, your pharmacist may be able to provide you with easier opening lids. If you have children visiting, put the medication out of their reach.
• If the medication is a liquid, get a measuring device with the prescription -- usually a measuring teaspoon or a medical syringe. Don't trust the volume of your home teaspoon or your ability to guess.
• Find out how the medication should be stored. Most people leave their medications in their bathroom medicine cabinet. This is arguably the worst place in the house for pills, because the humidity in a bathroom can make them break down more easily. Other drugs need to be refrigerated. Find out about yours before you leave the drug store.
• Before you leave the pharmacy, also check to make sure the medication you are given matches your doctor's prescription. Look at the directions for taking the medication. Do these match what the doctor told you? Ask the pharmacist any questions you have.
• If you accidentally use a medication or a substance not meant for you, call the Poison Control Center at 800-222-1222 or call 911. Keep these numbers handy in case of an emergency.

At Stanford, students aren't too serious about themselves. Every so often, they dress in "rally"--basically ridiculous clothing consisting of neon spandex, frilly tutus, animal costumes, onesies, and the like. But that is what Stanford students do for fun, because what fun is education without the creative student culture that Stanford fosters? Likewise, it's equally common to see students fountain hopping--diving into campus fountains and splashing around free of care. Lastly, biking is the most common mode of transportation around campus, but students enjoy biking for fun because of the lovely breeze and sunshine.


My friends and I like to hang out near the beautiful water fountains and relaxafter a long day of class. We mostly study at the Subway in our school and we also go to the library. There are also fun events and games we like to play, there was a circus themed thing going on one day and whoever could make a ball into this hole they would win a chocolate milk (I know it was random!). Another cool thing at Brookhaven is that my class and I got to use telescopes to go stargazing. The environment here is friendly and relaxed8(8(8(8(

The brain disorder (disease if you prefer, not incurable) that is widely taken to be addiction which is technically chemical dependency caused by molecular compounds altering the functions of the brain to create what truly is a form of brain disease is not truly addiction in the psychological sense by itself. The psychological disorder that is addiction is not at all a disease. And yet it is dis-ease. Where does it originate from? Not genetics as science shows us. There is no addiction gene. However one's chromosomes can be ordered in a karmic manner that leaves one at a higher predisposition for it or so certain science tells us. Biased most likely.

I am not interested in getting into brain science. I am a man of the mind quite frankly. The mind is NOT the brain and the brain is merely a receiver if you will of consciousness. More on consciousness later perhaps. Definitely actually.

If humans could not make their own choices perhaps we could logically argue that addiction is a true disease of the mind. But humans can make their own choices. Very much so. Something as severe as schizophrenia (axonal mayhem)

[sorry getting excited and playful here] can be seen as a true disease of the mind perhaps where one's ability to make choices is hampered by a force more powerful than their human ability...ok we are getting carried away here. One more song for play then I will simply reference some things here and in the comments and say I do not buy the disease model of addiction.

song in the comments8(

I've had the bug for tripping, yes. The funny thing is some drugs seem to be anti-addictive by their very molecular nature (I digress severely).

Ok so these things will shatter the misconception of addiction:



video in the comments


I suppose there are two sides to every coin and this man has something to say about genetics (I believe in mind over matter and karma):

in the comments

I suppose if one quits the negative addictive behavior why debunk anything for that matter?