(the following was written when I was 14 years old)
"Tightening, digging into the flesh, through the skin, will it never end? Wanting that bony, slender frame, wanting and wanting I try in vain, working and working to shed the skin, dying and dying I need my sins, it is all gone, I don't want to fit in, it keeps dropping out, numb and cold to the touch, black against white, never sleep at night, gray against red, it is pain that I am fed, blue and dead you just fuck with my head, no communication, no where to go, no relation, no one to show, just the infatuation with no where to grow, the need to act out, want to make them burn and shout, want to kill them all, but down I fall, living for the kicks, living for the drugs, push it down, on i chug, sometimes i wish i was clean, but if i was i'd be dead, if u know what i mean, tasting the fear, tasting the hurt, we all know my brain is thoroughly burnt, am I going insane? Am I already gone? I feel so weak yet I feel so strong, down it goes but yet I still come on"
"Floating in space, caught in my bubble, not sure where to go, my life turns to rubble, thinking maybe I have found peace at last, but then it snaps and I collapse, It keeps coming, it keeps piling up, all these things, oh my life is so fucked, always hoping for it to end, wishing it away, but it all comes back again, my head aches, my body is sore, my skin is dead, drowning in all this gore, worms sticky and slimy fill my skull, writhing white, pulsating with my pain again I fall, creamy, milky, grossly fat, sliding slipping through the shit, touching, feeling,reaching, groping, crying,struggling, laughing, hoping? hope? What is hope? Fuck this head full of dope!"
"They corner me then they throw thier stones, they tear me down till I'm just skin and bones, they drag my mind through the mud, I'm on the verge, I just might give up, throw it all away take my own life join the guilty held at bay, one swift stab with the knife, one quick pull of the trigger, go to hell all you fucking worthless people! Burn for not giving me a chance, you fucking live in the past, you'll never understand what it is like, to have a life and not give a fuck, to have lived in death for all these fucking years, to have burned in hell, but it is all so clear, you cover your eyes not wishing to see, who i am, what i am, ten times over i want you in hell, to die as i have died, to be where i have been, you had your chance, when I was young and clean and fresh, yet you hesitated, you held your breath, and that did me in, that was the seal on my future, that's what you fucked up, you could have saved me, but you were detoured, you could have had it all, but you neglected to see my fall, you have done me in, I no longer weep when I sin, I no longer cry when I do wrong, I've broken through, I've broken into, I now see what I must prove, I now see what I must lose, I now feel what I must abuse"
"Rusty nails exquisite sting, I kill everyone and everything, you and me we are a team, jealous and sinful and downright mean, tearing through and killing all, pushing, pushing down we fall, rest for us for we are due, stuck together fucked like glue, dying rotting fading away, fucking it all laying all day, don't know, I try and I can't react, pulling, shoving I can't go back. laugh, sing, fucking relax, dead and gone, fucked by and axe"
, I wonder how LSD would treat me in such matters ^ at otherwise subjective equipotent dose.
