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I wish the sun didn?t rise and set on the same day
Days blended with tears
What?s a breath when you got pain


Sometimes normal feels distant
It?s cold at night
lonely too


I find love in pieces
My pieces recreate me in others


I fight back cries on the daily
Either I?m all worn out
or Waiting to begin


Who else feels this feeling of un feeling


Make it stop


Or make it start


These twenties are tough
Nights never counted past my fingers
Digits of soil my soul wants rest


Keep scratching
Keep clawing
One day


Some day


Make it stop
Or make it start

so i'm back home for thanksgiving the other day and i'm chillin with some old friends and one of them tells me this girl (who i care for alot, but i permanently ruined any chances of a relationship happening long ago, and even at one point was told never to contact her again) said 'hi' to me. ok. whatever right? no. it really means alot to me that she will even acknowledge me at this point. so whatever, i email her sister, who i'm friends with, and tell her to just tell her that i said 'thank you' for the shout (and explained why i felt so compelled to say that, etc, etc.)

so now i'm on facebook and i see she has commented on something a friend of mine said. i'm so tempted to msg her and say something, but i really don't want to fuck shit up again. see...back when we were good, i started to continuously call her (like every night) drunk and barred (+oxy+whatever i had) out of my mind, blacked the fuck out saying all sorts of stupid shit, that, of course, only she will remember. so i really dont wanna get back into the cycle of bothering this chick. cuz IMO, im not even in chick's league. i was lucky to be in the position i was in then and i blew it. but seeing her picture and just knowing that all i have to do is click "send msg" or whatever and i could say something...shit fucks with me. thank god i dont have any opiates. i would have over done it already, tenfold.

i just hope i dont fuck things up again, and maybe one day i can actually get back on speaking terms with her again, not just her telling her friend that she says 'hi' to me...but me actually taking directly to her...i need that again

I used 3/4 of a sub over 3 days because i ran out of my oxy script. My last dose of 1mg was 18 hours ago. Can i start taking my oxys again?

Words, words, words,. ... What means what these days.... There is no more battles of the minds because free thought has been bought and your mind is the product and you still sold it.... No what. Do what"they" do, do what "they say just be *everyone else I guess... I'll sit back and enjoy the show...

trypophobia
2017

Antipathy
Perforated pulsation -
Bits like disheveled puzzle pieces
Re-arrange, re-conform
An enigmatic machine.
There is this cavity where there should be measure, patterns- appeasing consistency
We avert
And pry open each narrow aperture
We behold, each gnarled tear-
Thumbs, prayers, fingers, hopes, and toes
Cannot appease.
For each small hole
Under close examination
Radiates the echo of uphill battles
And joyful woes
We sew each thread to connect
Our entropy
Busy-like to control
This uncertainty
This ebb and flow
This experience
Our subjective disarray
That which one may grow
And one may close
Each incongruent concavity.

I have been prescribed subutex for about 4 months now and started boofing it to get better affects about 3 months ago. This past week and a half I have been using it IV. I?m a huge hypochondriac which doesn?t go well with an IV drug user especially when you don?t know much about what you?re using. I plan on checking myself into inpatient very soon but until I can get in I want to know how I can reduce any harm done to myself when using this IV. Also if I decide to start boofing it instead is there any major health risks I?m facing for that either? I?m scared to start taking it sublingually again because I don?t want to go through withdrawals by going from 4mgs iv to 4mgs under the tongue. Any advice would be much appreciated.

This isn?t a continuation of my life story, just needed to vent and post because I have no one to talk to at the moment.

I?m 23 and not Okay. People always say the kids who?s been ?lucky? to have motivational people around them growing up and people to motivate them is a great thing. It actually sucks ass. I?m in law school been a square my whole life up until college. Didn?t do drugs drink party none of that. Probably because my mom was strict but also my escape was being in band. And it?s not how people say well maybe you?re acting out because you?ve been so sheltered and you finally have freedom, that?s not true either.

Honestly I feel like no one understands me. Sounds emo and dramatic af but I?m not talking about it that way. I?m probably the most caring, selfless, non judgemental and giving person you will ever meet. Like I?d seriously give a stranger the shirt off my back and I don?t need to know your story or get a cookie as congrats. But I?ve also been through shit most ppl will never go through their entire lives and yet all I want to do in the world is help people just make someone?s life better. I call it the Robin Williams affect, being so depressed and yet you surround yourself with people to make them feel better. Maybe I haven?t figured out how to make myself feel better yet.

I have my bachelors degree in political science and human rights , I can almost speak a second language (german) and I?ve worked for literally everything I have today. Like I seriously got my first phone in college because I bought it myself. I don?t blame anyone or anything on the shit I?ve dealt with. It?s life and it gives shitty cards and I have to find a way to deal them.

If i could have one thing in life it would probably be to feel loved. And not like the stereotypical sappy love although thats nice too, but to feel unconditional love. Someone that loves me when I?m hollow and broken and tattered and when I?m at my highest and when I feel like dying lol

not sure if I know what unconditional love feels like, being adopted doesn?t help and neither does being recently diagnosed with an incurable fucking stigmatized disease when you already feel alone. There?s a guy who makes me feel like I can breathe again and that scares the shit out of me. I?ve literally had guys tell me I?m the perfect catch and yet they still won?t stay. How can you give someone your all and still not be good enough, people suck lol. But this guy idk I could easily fall in love with him but I think I might scare him away. If you?re reading this, bare with me. You know who you are loll

I?m ranting and by now I?m sure you?re like wtf is wrong with you go get help lol I am don?t worry, just feel invisible sometimes and I?m tired of people telling me how successful I?m going to be when I?m screaming on the inside. This is what happens when you?re too nice loll but I?ll never stop being optimistic and giving, I won?t let this crappy world dull my smile.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

My fianc? has been struggling with opioid addiction since he was 14. His mom got him on it. He?s currently on methodone. He plans on getting off it soon so he can finish school and get a job for his degrees. But I?ve been reading up on it and I?ve seen that it?s a worst detox than heroin. I?ve also came across a few articles saying that there?s a physcodelic called Ibogaine that has been tested and proven that it can help. Unfortunately, it?s illegal here in the US. It?s really close to shrooms from what I understand. And I?ve seen where shrooms can be used the same way. My question is has anyone experienced shrooms while detoxing from any opiate? If so, did it help and what effects did you feel from it?

I just got prescribed quillichew which is another form of qullivant/ritilin but in a chewable form. Can i crush this and snort it? because just chewing it makes me awfully tired. I already take 40mg of vyvanse and i dont want to take more of those than prescribed because I dont want to run out early and be stuck without for a few days at the end of the month. How can i take the quillichew without feeling tired? I've even eaten 4-5 of them and they made me even more exhausted!! HELP!

Sorry guys for the delay, just getting over some bad health issues that unfortunately will be apart of my life forever now, but that?s another story as I was saying..


The community was surrounded by streets filled with kids, people watering their lawns and a temperature as hot as the devils breath. Death. Thankfully, we were welcomed with some tumble weeds to show us to our new home.


There were more kids here maybe three or four. The nice lady from outside the hospital was the only parent here. There was an old lady as well, but she just mumbled the entire time, I think she was sick. My new mom kept saying something about all-timers, whatever that is. There?s a girl here that looks like me only she?s a lot darker, taller, and her hair is longer than mine, no fair. There were two boys, one around my height. His head was HUGEE! Guess he had a lot on his mind that day.


While the grown ups are unpacking, we decided to put stickers on our foreheads, mine was a Dalmatian mom said we have to go get a baby. There?s no room, but whatever.


The place smelled like old people when we entered. Also death. There?s a bunch of cats here and I hate cats. Looks kinda like a scene from Saw with a wheelchair just chillin in the hallway. I hide behind my bigger sister just in case. The baby was small, it was another girl. Great. She was in the system too.


We take her home and now there?s exactly three girls and two boys I have to share a room with my sisters and boys share there own too.


July 4, 199....?, the day I?ll never forget. The house is clean and the guests will be arriving soon. Moms been yelling since 7am, ugh. I don?t know why people are so excited anyways its only big kids here. Mom says to stay out of grown folks business so all the little kids go upstairs to play games.


There?s a boy here, but he?s way older than us. I think he?s in big kids school mom says he?s a teenager.


Let?s play a game, he says. Let?s play the wedding game. Is that like school? Me and my family love playing school you do homework and have it graded and we cut up in class for fun!, I said. No, let?s play the wedding game, I need a bride.


Since my sister was the oldest she was volunteered as tribute. FIREWORKS OUTSIDE!! My mom yelled. All the kids drop their stuff to go see. It?s just me and the boy now. He looked sad.


Don?t worry, I can be the bride if you want? NO. Let?s play another game, Follow me. I had just taken my bath, it was getting late and almost time for bed. I was wearing a long pink shirt with blacked out figures on it, kinda like the unlocked characters in video games.


We go to my brothers room. I never go in my brothers room because they always have half eaten sandwiches and old plates in their dressers, boys.


My brother always stacked his shoes
In a row inside the closet, it?s the only thing he kept neat. Are we stacking shoes, I asked? Sure, but we have to get in the closet; close the door, he said.


The darkness swept over my body as his hands did. My Childhood evaporated with every plea, my soul forever tainted. Exchanges of poison
my Innocence permanently erased.
Shhh.
It?s our secret.


The doors opened as I inhaled relief. My oldest sister was looking for me. She found us. What are you guys doing?, she said. Stacking shoes, I whispered. Uh okay well go put on some pants.


We go downstairs to watch the fireworks. Did you want to go back and play a game?, I asked. No, leave me alone, I?m watching fireworks.


That was the last time I saw him. I built a mental prism to keep me safe. Mom says I didn?t talk until I was almost five. I also threw toys at the windshield while she was driving. And I never smiled anymore for pictures, not even my school ones.


No one knew. The invisible girl.
But that was just the first time..
To be continued

Considering that I have nothing better to do and feel completely alone, thought I?d start a blog series about my life. Either I?ll be talking to myself the whole way or sharing this journey with you all. I guess this is the part where I say buckle up, it?s going to be a bumpy ride.

Somewhere in 1995.. or 97 98??? There?s a lady, on the back of a Harley motorcycle outside the hospital. She?s not wearing any shoes and she?s with some random guy. I think she?s homeless. Oh ya, she?s also pregnant. Favorite drug of choice, crack cocaine. The sweet turmoils of poverty. They?re about to take off when suddenly another woman appears. She?s short, not even 5 foot. She?s looks to be fairly young maybe late 30?s. She walks up to the shoeless pregnant biker and asks what is she going to do with that kid. As if she?s said it before.. The lady responded saying she doesn?t know. Looks like we?re off to a great start. I?m sure she?d probably sell that kid for crack in a heartbeat, seeing that it was her 11th kid maybe more or less ..

The short woman said she would take the baby and that she?d already has her sister so no point in splitting them up. They agree as the sound of the bikes engine roared, nothing but dust and crack in the wind.

April 7, 1995, today?s the big day. The crackbaby would be born today. Happy birthday, ironically enough it was the crackheads birthday too, a birthday wasn?t the only thing shared that day. The lady from outside Goes to get her new prize, only she?s not there. Neither is the mother. Those crackheads sure as hell can run, but where the fuck is she going with a strung out newborn baby with no shoes and no home, happy birthday little fucker, it?s a girl.

It?s been five days, the whole county is looking for this baby. The cops are involved and the baby is officially a property of the state. They check her grandmas house, the baby?s alive. The crackhead wasn?t any better than her mother. They had a long history of street life. The grandma holds the knife to their throats as the daughter steals, now that?s thug life. The mother was hiding the baby out as if she could offer it a better life. Guess you can?t blame her, afterall they did share the same birthday. A bond like that goes beyond the womb. She even gave it a name. Ironically enough her name meant first woman, casted out of the garden of Eden, her poison of choice, meth, Shoulda picked a damn apple.

Didn?t matter now anyways, she belonged to the state now, welcome to the system.

I?m looking for a pill mill or doctor who will prescribe OxyContin or Oxycodone in Dallas, Tx
any suggestions?

What's Good For The Goose Is Good For The Gander.

* * *

Bought about 50$ worth of dope and tried injecting 5$ worth of it and felt nothing. Did I burn it too long? Was it not enough? Someone let me know

If life is a game something has me by the balls and it ain't human. I don't believe in grabbing life "by the balls". I feel there is more to it than that. When lived fully.

Interpretation can only make so much sense when the object of understanding should be the truth of the cosmos. And science is still so limited, but this blog is not about science.

"Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge. It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another's world. It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding." ― Bill Bullard

"Do not think of knocking out another person's brains because he differs in opinion from you. It would be as rational to knock yourself on the head because you differ from yourself ten years ago." ― Horace Mann



I am officially just about over "Goa trance". Like dude how much did Indians hate those beach parties? There's a reason Goa is not the hub of psytrance anymore.

Grateful I am aware I am making these terrible mistakes but it isn't an excuse to keep making them. See you next time.

(the following was written when I was 14 years old)

"Tightening, digging into the flesh, through the skin, will it never end? Wanting that bony, slender frame, wanting and wanting I try in vain, working and working to shed the skin, dying and dying I need my sins, it is all gone, I don't want to fit in, it keeps dropping out, numb and cold to the touch, black against white, never sleep at night, gray against red, it is pain that I am fed, blue and dead you just fuck with my head, no communication, no where to go, no relation, no one to show, just the infatuation with no where to grow, the need to act out, want to make them burn and shout, want to kill them all, but down I fall, living for the kicks, living for the drugs, push it down, on i chug, sometimes i wish i was clean, but if i was i'd be dead, if u know what i mean, tasting the fear, tasting the hurt, we all know my brain is thoroughly burnt, am I going insane? Am I already gone? I feel so weak yet I feel so strong, down it goes but yet I still come on"

"Floating in space, caught in my bubble, not sure where to go, my life turns to rubble, thinking maybe I have found peace at last, but then it snaps and I collapse, It keeps coming, it keeps piling up, all these things, oh my life is so fucked, always hoping for it to end, wishing it away, but it all comes back again, my head aches, my body is sore, my skin is dead, drowning in all this gore, worms sticky and slimy fill my skull, writhing white, pulsating with my pain again I fall, creamy, milky, grossly fat, sliding slipping through the shit, touching, feeling,reaching, groping, crying,struggling, laughing, hoping? hope? What is hope? Fuck this head full of dope!"

"They corner me then they throw thier stones, they tear me down till I'm just skin and bones, they drag my mind through the mud, I'm on the verge, I just might give up, throw it all away take my own life join the guilty held at bay, one swift stab with the knife, one quick pull of the trigger, go to hell all you fucking worthless people! Burn for not giving me a chance, you fucking live in the past, you'll never understand what it is like, to have a life and not give a fuck, to have lived in death for all these fucking years, to have burned in hell, but it is all so clear, you cover your eyes not wishing to see, who i am, what i am, ten times over i want you in hell, to die as i have died, to be where i have been, you had your chance, when I was young and clean and fresh, yet you hesitated, you held your breath, and that did me in, that was the seal on my future, that's what you fucked up, you could have saved me, but you were detoured, you could have had it all, but you neglected to see my fall, you have done me in, I no longer weep when I sin, I no longer cry when I do wrong, I've broken through, I've broken into, I now see what I must prove, I now see what I must lose, I now feel what I must abuse"

"Rusty nails exquisite sting, I kill everyone and everything, you and me we are a team, jealous and sinful and downright mean, tearing through and killing all, pushing, pushing down we fall, rest for us for we are due, stuck together fucked like glue, dying rotting fading away, fucking it all laying all day, don't know, I try and I can't react, pulling, shoving I can't go back. laugh, sing, fucking relax, dead and gone, fucked by and axe"

I suppose I am overflowing with passion right now. My life-force is brimming and my neurons are on fire and I want to share the love with people. I am bouncing around threads wondering where to post next however I feel a blog is in order as I can direct my train of thought much more independently with it as opposed to a thread on the boards so as to head directly in the direction I have in mind.

Towards amazing things essentially. Which right now happens to be discussing legendary trance acts in terms of psy/Goa such as Etnica having an upcoming event scheduled. Do you know this Italian masterpiece of trance? Pure Italian Goa. Lol if that makes sense. They classify themselves as Goa which is actually in India but they are Italian. Italian Goa Trance at its finest.

Welcome to a voyage anyone is welcome on so long as they keep an open heart and liberal mind. I mean my blog not just this upcoming event featuring true Goa Masters.

www.etnicanet.net

Their new stuff sounds less Goa to me and more polished modern psy-y but hey I am impressed they are still releasing new material.

This right here is dance fever material imo:



Or more like go on a stationary ride with ear buds in a laid-back pad. Or dance. Either way Etnica knows where they want to take you with their sound and aren't out just to make a DJ chart.

Got a picture (5x5) of acid yay, back in 'business' ;p !

Would it be possible to make a thread involving a modified Google Image engine based protocol, where people can upload their partial of a sheet of acid and see if google recognizes and finds the whole sheet pic? :D
Then if not alternatively bluelighters could chime in if they know it..


I do wonder about AL-LAD vs LSD potency and really forgot how serious to take the darker side of LSD especially when having been out of the game for quite a long time.. 300 ug AL-LAD two times recently certainly wasn't always easy, and at times downright confronting:
Looking the feeling of potential self-actualization for the coming time in the eye, feeling the transformative power, and while believing in wanting to better myself and tell myself strongly that its important to be more responsible, I also kind of shied away from the radiant self-actualization because it felt so intense that I felt that in my still very much recovering state I'd rather not risk going too deep into any rabbit hole and getting unforeseen mental problems from some personal crisis.
It was humbling but seeing my faults and strengths both felt honest and balanced, gave me compassion.

If I were to take acid again (clearly sooner or later I will but how much is a good question), and by the way I will not combine psychedelics with stims even prescribed ones , I wonder how LSD would treat me in such matters ^ at otherwise subjective equipotent dose.
The effect of such drugs helping as a spiritual/moral etc compass by harmonizing feeling and thinking and showing me myself and my path is valuable to me - it helps to remember whats important and feel it deeply. I don't really need it - I've shown for years that I can survive and life without psychedelics - but I can't say that it's worth the challenge doing it all on my own, hardly knowing how to work on enduring, staying highly conscious and bearing it all, and moments of intense clarity being scarce.

But I also have experience with diving in deep with eg LSD and having impending ego death struggles way different from that of psilocin. I recall a synth 4-HO-DMT experience involving confrontation with mortality but without mystical states of consciousness involved.. I was quite present, it was a peaceful experience with crying and then letting go of fears as being just an organic part of the trip.
With LSD (granted with high doses and/or meditation) I recall dissociation and feelings of impending ego-death, unity etc... but enough times where that sent me into a struggle: apparently the dissociation or sudden meditative concentration so overwhelmed and confused my relatively present and intact state of consciousness that it mystified the whole thing. Hard to feel or think something as powerfully simple as your general mortality (actual or mental/symbolic), but instead fading more spontaneously.
No wonder that causes a struggle: I imagine parts of the mind are then completely unprimed for the loss of boundaries, the brain cross chatter that leads to a soup of unity and interconnection.

I've always warned everyone here to not try to cherrypick trip effect, and realize that I don't wanna get more than I bargain for. So I guess on the one hand I will start slowly (~85 µg blotters), of course a set and setting prepared for any kind of trip, moreso than with AL-LAD, and just to be sure prepare myself for the difficult/confusing type of effect catching me off guard, so that I won't unintentionally speed up a mystical state, but at the same time just go with it if I feel faded.

On another note [I started on a trial Ritalin script yesterday]:

The ritalin gave me quite some insomnia even though I did not take any after 3-4 pm, eventually around 4 am I gave in and ate some etizolam feeling that my body needs the rest (I hardly take any benzo anymore), coming night I won't do that and I wanna try to learn falling asleep on the long tail of MPH. But this could prove to be a dealbreaker. Didnt have insomnia when I trialed 1-2 weeks dexamph at therapeutic doses taken in the morning.
Anyway will give this a chance.

It did yesterday help with productivity and organization (although today I havent decided that I actually wanna be very productive) and for piano oh my god! It really feels like without it, I couldn't really muster enough attention to play say Bach evenly and calmly, I couldn't focus on everything going on and as a result usually get chaotic, problems with fingering and hitting keys too loudly or softly, so that soon enough I'm fighting to just keep up. Practice does wonders but I highly doubt it could 'compensate' for the attention deficit.
Interestingly, whereas without Ritalin (or dex or sunifiram) I have such strong musical memory that I can play my repertoire without the sheets when my motor/muscle memory + a strange form of raw data memory have memorized pieces well enough... now with Ritalin I found it harder to rely on memory (I was playing when visiting my father and had no sheet music there at all), and made mistakes although much fewer and less sloppy ones, mistakes surprisingly different ones than I know I normally make. Clearly playing controlled and careful helps overcome some challenges but creates new ones not known before this mode. :D

mmmm so fucken delicious



I don't eat it with apple though wtf ew.

I really only like to eat fish that I or someone I know has caught though, and Australian Herring are not even related to the Herring that I need. And if I can't make my own, then I can't have them fresh from the barrel like so:



I'm in a pickle m8s I really am

Adios amigos.

Leaving early.

Schedule rearranged.

I am still in recovery for life and it is happening OFFLINE. I mean I still value the net and do alot of mindful surfing online for instance here and here:

Will not be logging on again.

Did I once say utopias don't exist on this planet?

Becoming a fool is very easy. It requires no effort at all and yet sometimes one finds themself exerting more effort into becoming one than they do acquiring wisdom. Wisdom is the opposite state of being foolish, no?

Addiction is something I feel people should have compassion towards yet where I am with it (horrible struggle since my early life) I feel as though I have dissected it for what it is inside the psyche. In essence it is a mere psychological mechanism before branching out in the entire neurology and biology.

I will now only be logging onto Bluelight once a month. Should I make it on the New or Full Moons? No, no good reason outside of being playful and fun.

Two quotes until next time,

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."
- Carlos Castaneda

"I know LSD; I don't need to take it anymore. Maybe when I die, like Aldous Huxley."
― Albert Hofmann

Two songs I want you to read the lyrics to if you have ever struggled with a chemical addiction issue and have been forced into a monetized profit-based system of greed and intellectual inadequacy.

I've dealt with anxiety for over five years and I know exactly where you're coming from. It's like you're nervous and anxious about nothing in particular. Isn't that an exhausting way to go through life? Makes you tired, huh? Its tough struggling to get through every day. And no one really understands unless they've gone through it. However. Anxiety is simply a seratonin deficiency in the brain. Everyone has this chemical, but people who deal with anxiety or panic attacks or depression have a depletion in seratonin. Just like a diabetic would take insulin, people with anxiety take SSRI's in order to up their seratonin levels and regulate that. I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that medication works wonders. I was always against putting something into my body to alter my brain, but now I take XANAX , which is the most common anti anxiety, 3 weeks later, I felt SO much better. Of course, it's an every day process, but every day in every way you're getting better and better. I promise.

To calm down: start at your toes and clench those muscles and release them and work your way up to your shoulders. You should start to feel more relaxed. Work on your breathing. Breathe from your diaphragm (your stomach) not your chest. Count to five when you inhale, and eight when you exhale. Listen to music. If you start to get that panicked feeling where you feel you can't breathe all that well, put in headphones and go for a run. A racing heart makes you breathe and helps you calm down, surprisingly. Talk to a friend or family member who understands if you've got one , if you google all the "what if's" you will freak out. Don't do that. None of those things are going to happen to you. You will be 100% fine.



MOST IMPORTANTLY: Let it be completely okay that you're anxious. Let it be okay. Accept that that is what is happening to you when you get anxious, know that you've made it through before, and know that it is not permanent. Let it be okay, and it will not run your life.

So. To recap.

1) Go to the doctor.
2) Talk to someone (friends/family/therapist/etc)
3) Practice calming techniques.
4) Let it be okay.
5) Live.

Das me.

Be back later to edit this post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcR6UxaqT2Y



Edit: Been back sons.

What was the first headie piece you owned? Or knew someone that owned?

Mine was a really dazzling bubbler by this blower called Ease. WNY.

"One pain is lessened by another's anguish. ... Take thou some new infection to thy eye, And the rank poison of the old will die."
― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

I just found some meds in the back of my cupboard that were my mums, they are codeine and paracetamol tablets, only thing the expiry dates are 2002 & 2005. Are they safe to take, or do they just lose potency? They are in original packets and were in a dark cupboard. I also take endone in 20mg doses when i can get it, but ran out today. Will the codeine be similar and how much should i take? The strength is 30mg codeine/500mg paracetamol. Thanks!