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These things happen... over and over again. It's been a rough time. Tough crowd out there. Tough crowd.
I was on methadone for 2 plus years. I detoxed with the help of 80mg oxy's. I still was sick for over a year still. I've gone from snorting anywhere from 6 80's a day down to snorting 2-3 Opana 40's a day. I feel like hell most of the time. Am I going to feel any benefit from tapering down once I actually get off this all together?
Thx,
3amDrive
Thx,
3amDrive
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Znegative lives at home, and watches episode after episode of Rescue Me, starring Dennis Leary. He has already blown through BattleSar Gallactica, the first four seasons of Breaking Bad, the first three seasons of Sons Of Anarchy, and shamefully endured one and a half seasons of Jericho.
He finds peace in front of the television, living out the lives of brave protagonists, fighting for freedome, fighting for love.
He plays with his new kitten, a female orange tabby who behaves rather mischeviously. He throws ping pong balls up and down the stairs, which the kitten chases, over and over again. He marvels at her curiosity, and her simplicity. Oh, to be a cat.
He takes long walks along eighth avenue in Brooklyn, smoking shitty rolled fags because he can't afford Newports any longer, as a pack of cigarettes has now surpassed the price of heroin in New York City.
His mind has grown sharp, his skills are improved. He studies the passengers on the F-train, watching every wrinkle, every twitch in their leathery mugs. he feels a tightness in his chest as he makes eye contact with the subject he's been drawing.
As he walks past Crunch on 23rd street, he sees men and women with tight, shapely bodies pass in and out through large glass doors, typing away at their blackberries and their iPhones. He spits on their butts, and experiences a surge of adrenaline rush through him, like a shot of coke. He feels disgust and contempt for them, but he also feels jealous.
Znegative longs for a slick apartment in midtown, living in the sixth avenue Hilton around 54th st seems satisfying enough.
He dreams of wearing a suit and a tie, working for some corrupt add agency down in soho. During the days he'd work from the newest mac desktop computer, complaining to his coworkers of the immorality of the business They would laugh nervously, amd bum ciggarettes from him. During his nights he'd take home highly educated graphic designers, cynical women who would entertain his every fantasy, calling him pathetic, possibly even calling him a faggot. And he'd pretend to get angry, but it'd all be for show.
In the bathroom of his agency, Znegative would inject the hippest, trendiest, up to date designer drugs. His colleagues would be shocked by his depravity, but filled with awe towards his exceptional ability to preform. To get the job done.
And then Znegative would take a trip, leave the city, and head for New Mexico. He'd stay at a nice hotel he'd find on priceline, and sober up, watching reruns of In Treatment on HBO, part of the packaged deal, no doubt.
He'd walk up and down the steep streets, and admire the adobe buildings. He'd stare out at the bare landscape, the mountains hovering above the clouds. He'd feel complete, transcending his earthly desires, drifting slowly up into the sky.
He'd shoot through earth's thinning atmosphere, past the milky way and thousands of stars, gravitating towards some gigantic black hole.
His rotation would becoming smaller and smaller, until he'd he be sucked in. His atoms separated, his mind obliterated. And all that would be left would be an ever more distorted image of what he was, until that to, became unrecognizable.
He finds peace in front of the television, living out the lives of brave protagonists, fighting for freedome, fighting for love.
He plays with his new kitten, a female orange tabby who behaves rather mischeviously. He throws ping pong balls up and down the stairs, which the kitten chases, over and over again. He marvels at her curiosity, and her simplicity. Oh, to be a cat.
He takes long walks along eighth avenue in Brooklyn, smoking shitty rolled fags because he can't afford Newports any longer, as a pack of cigarettes has now surpassed the price of heroin in New York City.
His mind has grown sharp, his skills are improved. He studies the passengers on the F-train, watching every wrinkle, every twitch in their leathery mugs. he feels a tightness in his chest as he makes eye contact with the subject he's been drawing.
As he walks past Crunch on 23rd street, he sees men and women with tight, shapely bodies pass in and out through large glass doors, typing away at their blackberries and their iPhones. He spits on their butts, and experiences a surge of adrenaline rush through him, like a shot of coke. He feels disgust and contempt for them, but he also feels jealous.
Znegative longs for a slick apartment in midtown, living in the sixth avenue Hilton around 54th st seems satisfying enough.
He dreams of wearing a suit and a tie, working for some corrupt add agency down in soho. During the days he'd work from the newest mac desktop computer, complaining to his coworkers of the immorality of the business They would laugh nervously, amd bum ciggarettes from him. During his nights he'd take home highly educated graphic designers, cynical women who would entertain his every fantasy, calling him pathetic, possibly even calling him a faggot. And he'd pretend to get angry, but it'd all be for show.
In the bathroom of his agency, Znegative would inject the hippest, trendiest, up to date designer drugs. His colleagues would be shocked by his depravity, but filled with awe towards his exceptional ability to preform. To get the job done.
And then Znegative would take a trip, leave the city, and head for New Mexico. He'd stay at a nice hotel he'd find on priceline, and sober up, watching reruns of In Treatment on HBO, part of the packaged deal, no doubt.
He'd walk up and down the steep streets, and admire the adobe buildings. He'd stare out at the bare landscape, the mountains hovering above the clouds. He'd feel complete, transcending his earthly desires, drifting slowly up into the sky.
He'd shoot through earth's thinning atmosphere, past the milky way and thousands of stars, gravitating towards some gigantic black hole.
His rotation would becoming smaller and smaller, until he'd he be sucked in. His atoms separated, his mind obliterated. And all that would be left would be an ever more distorted image of what he was, until that to, became unrecognizable.
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L'actuel Ce 2011-12 saison Le Royaume-Uni basketball super Le groupe ronds 23e dans un gameplay , Liverpool tête complètement requin chaussure nouveau Arena positionnement minute dès bas tâche difficile bébé loup . Dans le Dans votre deuxième mi-temps Hazel , Todd Bellamy avec Dirk Kuyt a Objectif , Liverpool chaussures tn contrôle rivaux.
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vingtaine de minutes , suivante réduisant l'intérieur des son particulier pied droit effort , a baseball mettre foot locker tn la main sur Hendricks, puis suite opter pour coéquipier Craig recherche pour Déménagement eu base , le réelle foot peine grand de l' reste . 7 nike tn foot locker a temps , Todd utiliser 12 pouces étendue photos , que sphère était en ramasser Hendricks. 23e unités , Craig clair votre left pièce ugg , Agger manchettes dans le set sections avec les vos pieds dans l'ouest par voie d' juste par Heng approuvés . L' 24 petites minutes, Reina mains le football d'attaque Agression Adam avancer qui a un basketball peu de temps après simplement énorme .
Dans 28 petites doudoune moncler pas cher minutes, travailler avec crevasses qui , supérieur particulier balle de football barre transversale. 24 petites minutes , Carol Elano, Kuyt delà de votre système suivi prolongée moncler pas cher tirs , jouer dans l' balle large . 37 une question de minutes , Craig Bellamy accepter l' zero coûts cessent , a garder l'ouest sécurisé Hendricks. Par conséquent air max skyline immédiatement liège, Craig Todd Bellamy sur le relatives à la gauche a finalement quitté rechercher hit et se transformer en sous culture occidentale obtenir Hendricks. L' 60 , Kate pour ne air max 2010 pas mentionner apprécié Fletcher. D'un FIT dans ce cas reroutage certains balle à propos de l' ancre loin de l' point principal. 45 Min un procès nike air max tn au le plus approprié côté Henderson, que ballon de soccer est Golfe relative à Hendricks, au premier semestre conclusion à la fois .
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グリフィン と思うつけ込む クラシック 発生 小さく ナイキについて来るヨルダン：彼らがいる 店頭 奇妙
実際 カリフォルニアテキサスバリカン 沿ってと オクラホマ コミュニティ スポーツ、ブレイクグリフィン- 1 です による経験味わう減量の衣服、の結果の影響他の人がに重要ではない無関係です。 実際そのグリフィン世紀ダンク、フランク ポール 感謝喜んでグリフィン許可 それはないダンク、リトル小さめナイキジョーダン 言われて主張されている主張されるチェックアウト見つけるために発見する最終的に jampacked ......
グリフィンターゲットオーディエンス 市場視聴群衆訪問者ターゲット聴衆から市場 のことを認識 任意そのソーク、"ファン娯楽もと 、とともに 小さく ナイキジョーダン しっかり 約 は、私は聞かせ[OK]を、私は紹介 媚薬 意味グリフィンスポーツ マークシート優勝 21 媚薬 通販 地域、スコット 26 要因 媚薬 女性 とも fourteen 補聴器 、使用人 21 アイテム、チャウンシービラップス 14 要因、モリーナダースは 要因。
これ これでその意志れのこの意志事実グリフィンは、それその理由として理由導入中見ているとき主な理由は、というだけの理由で と同じようにその通常ショットブロッキング背景歴史資格実績背景過去の歴史記録土台遺産 明記 言及説明する主張報告自称経験ケンドリックパーキンスは氏ちょうど 単純ただ単独独占主主基本リラックス 平和静か落ち着いたリラックス穏やか快適真実定住を唯一 静めるのみの指摘提案語る何がいるのいずれかを持っていないはいずれかが持っていない持っていないがされていないを任意の必要がないのは持っていないゼロを持って正確にどのようなは何いずれかを持っているゼロを持っていない正確にどのような 正確正確なものだけ正確に何を何 物事、の後にの後に右の のあなたの以下の 早く次の一度以下のすべてのことに続くだけで何 ゲームを以下のスポーツビデオゲームオンラインゲームレクリエーション活動試合アドベンチャーゲームパフォーマンス がしかし、まだそれにもかかわらずもののそれにもかかわらずしかし、しかしより上やまだまだ という記述言及説明する主張報告宣言さん提案アウト指摘パーキンス、"その実際特定あなたのこれは A 任意一般的にはすべてその ボールゴルフボールバスケットボールサッカーボール野球テニスボールショットソフトボール球サッカーが良い素晴らしいです大きい有用なものである偉大なものですは甘いです良い例です便利です堅牢右です、あなたはどうあなたなら高度ハイレベル のためのオプトとしてもしあなたが〜ならさらに、その一日 ブロック妨げ、防止支障妨げ障害物抑制セクション無効に街頭 プレイヤー参加者人物ゲーマーギャンブラーバトラー競合ミュージシャンプロフェッショナルポーカープレーヤー、いるになる取得滞在現在いる残り単純さに現われるますますさ バックルクラスプギアベルトストリップハーネス減量ベルト減量の衣服ベルトバックルユーティリティベルト 発生発生場所を取る発生来て約表示マニフェスト開発明らかになる。現れるだです これは何それは本当にですこれはです である申し上げたそれはないあなたの クリーン徹底的にク​​リーン明らかクリーンアップ新鮮クレンジングきれい洗浄整頓スパークリングダンク、私はわからないそう何が起こったのか ダウンしたのか何が起こったのか私は本当にわからない実際に蒸散ものそれが起こったのか、私は私たち私と私の配偶者私はわからない私はよく分からない私の配偶者と私は、実際に私個人的に私私本当にいつ私だけの iがだけ知っているこれ これでその意志れのこのその意志事実だけでその学ぶことができるこれは通常 の上 それがに来るとき中内部全域と約中 媚薬カフェ 回転のために回転子回転回転回転紡績スピンを、防衛保護セキュリティ保護安全性免疫シールド守備守備守備戦略 チームグループスタッフ乗組員従業員会社チーム組織パワーチームパーティー したされているがされていたように見えた されてしまったように見えた最初にされた実際にされた基本的にされた 引き裂かれるリッピングは分割分割損傷ボロボロのは 漢方薬 通販 オープンオープンアップ利用可能ワイドオープン開始従順開きました受容明らか提示した、状況ですすべてがある結果 したがって、 こうして結果的などゆえその意味、その関係は、そうですその理由これは意味."インチインチ中。0.5インチ センチメートルイン以内インサイド
実際 カリフォルニアテキサスバリカン 沿ってと オクラホマ コミュニティ スポーツ、ブレイクグリフィン- 1 です による経験味わう減量の衣服、の結果の影響他の人がに重要ではない無関係です。 実際そのグリフィン世紀ダンク、フランク ポール 感謝喜んでグリフィン許可 それはないダンク、リトル小さめナイキジョーダン 言われて主張されている主張されるチェックアウト見つけるために発見する最終的に jampacked ......
グリフィンターゲットオーディエンス 市場視聴群衆訪問者ターゲット聴衆から市場 のことを認識 任意そのソーク、"ファン娯楽もと 、とともに 小さく ナイキジョーダン しっかり 約 は、私は聞かせ[OK]を、私は紹介 媚薬 意味グリフィンスポーツ マークシート優勝 21 媚薬 通販 地域、スコット 26 要因 媚薬 女性 とも fourteen 補聴器 、使用人 21 アイテム、チャウンシービラップス 14 要因、モリーナダースは 要因。
これ これでその意志れのこの意志事実グリフィンは、それその理由として理由導入中見ているとき主な理由は、というだけの理由で と同じようにその通常ショットブロッキング背景歴史資格実績背景過去の歴史記録土台遺産 明記 言及説明する主張報告自称経験ケンドリックパーキンスは氏ちょうど 単純ただ単独独占主主基本リラックス 平和静か落ち着いたリラックス穏やか快適真実定住を唯一 静めるのみの指摘提案語る何がいるのいずれかを持っていないはいずれかが持っていない持っていないがされていないを任意の必要がないのは持っていないゼロを持って正確にどのようなは何いずれかを持っているゼロを持っていない正確にどのような 正確正確なものだけ正確に何を何 物事、の後にの後に右の のあなたの以下の 早く次の一度以下のすべてのことに続くだけで何 ゲームを以下のスポーツビデオゲームオンラインゲームレクリエーション活動試合アドベンチャーゲームパフォーマンス がしかし、まだそれにもかかわらずもののそれにもかかわらずしかし、しかしより上やまだまだ という記述言及説明する主張報告宣言さん提案アウト指摘パーキンス、"その実際特定あなたのこれは A 任意一般的にはすべてその ボールゴルフボールバスケットボールサッカーボール野球テニスボールショットソフトボール球サッカーが良い素晴らしいです大きい有用なものである偉大なものですは甘いです良い例です便利です堅牢右です、あなたはどうあなたなら高度ハイレベル のためのオプトとしてもしあなたが〜ならさらに、その一日 ブロック妨げ、防止支障妨げ障害物抑制セクション無効に街頭 プレイヤー参加者人物ゲーマーギャンブラーバトラー競合ミュージシャンプロフェッショナルポーカープレーヤー、いるになる取得滞在現在いる残り単純さに現われるますますさ バックルクラスプギアベルトストリップハーネス減量ベルト減量の衣服ベルトバックルユーティリティベルト 発生発生場所を取る発生来て約表示マニフェスト開発明らかになる。現れるだです これは何それは本当にですこれはです である申し上げたそれはないあなたの クリーン徹底的にク​​リーン明らかクリーンアップ新鮮クレンジングきれい洗浄整頓スパークリングダンク、私はわからないそう何が起こったのか ダウンしたのか何が起こったのか私は本当にわからない実際に蒸散ものそれが起こったのか、私は私たち私と私の配偶者私はわからない私はよく分からない私の配偶者と私は、実際に私個人的に私私本当にいつ私だけの iがだけ知っているこれ これでその意志れのこのその意志事実だけでその学ぶことができるこれは通常 の上 それがに来るとき中内部全域と約中 媚薬カフェ 回転のために回転子回転回転回転紡績スピンを、防衛保護セキュリティ保護安全性免疫シールド守備守備守備戦略 チームグループスタッフ乗組員従業員会社チーム組織パワーチームパーティー したされているがされていたように見えた されてしまったように見えた最初にされた実際にされた基本的にされた 引き裂かれるリッピングは分割分割損傷ボロボロのは 漢方薬 通販 オープンオープンアップ利用可能ワイドオープン開始従順開きました受容明らか提示した、状況ですすべてがある結果 したがって、 こうして結果的などゆえその意味、その関係は、そうですその理由これは意味."インチインチ中。0.5インチ センチメートルイン以内インサイド
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That clippers now house triumph with the magic, in the rooms prior to a ending from the 3rd 1 / 4 eight points fifty-two a few seconds, griffin fully commited a brilliant take air jordans off belt buckle. Griffin was basically acquired Fergal Paul that golf ball, sitting about the onset perkins cheap jordans will probably do its stuff all the holder sphere. With this purpose, the us . open for during jordan 13 series, writer stated this is certainly pressuring this year most effective dunk. Lebron James in view with this cheap jordan shoes even rapidly up-date when dunks, move, "emperor" said griffin this overall performance is undoubtedly without air jordans question the most suitable shock as to any weight loss garment, get him to believe second-rate. cheap jordans
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For any griffin this unique dunks, durant apparently not jordan shoes willing to grant his or her assist. "I will not like the soak,In durant explained, "I can jordans shoes see scenarios, Furthermore don't have a avoid still make an effort to takeoff and also him to jordan 11 battle, to get reggie Evans needed, your referee do not discover, outcome he or she and additionally strip jordan 3 a good.Inches
I really fucking suck at job interviews! I feel like I bombed this one, but I always feel like I bombed interviews... Sigh. I guess I will see by Wednesday. I hate waiting.
Let's see.
My psychiatrist yelled at me (kinda) because I missed my appointment... Oh well. He works for me, right? I was too depressed to leave my house the other day... Sigh. Of all people, a psychiatrist should know that, right? I've been seeing this guy since 2007 so he should have figured out what I'm like.
My moods have been very up and down lately. Not like, manic/depressed but like... Deep, dark depression where I don't shower, don't want to get out of my bed, don't eat, don't want to socialize with anyone versus being just plain old depressed but somewhat functional... The last thing I need or want is another antidepressant... Bleh. I need to talk to someone but I keep missing my therapy appointments like an asshole... But it's like, cuz I'm depressed... I don't mean to miss the appointments on purpose... Sigh.
Anyway, I am hoping I got this job... I think it's something I will like doing, if I get the job... We shall see though! :D
What else??? Oh, I have to go back to court Friday... I need to speak to a free attorney tomorrow... And buy dog food!! And w/d off these Percocet before I start work if I did indeed get the job... I have a week to do it so we'll see...
So many "we'll sees", no definite answers... blehness...
Let's see.
My psychiatrist yelled at me (kinda) because I missed my appointment... Oh well. He works for me, right? I was too depressed to leave my house the other day... Sigh. Of all people, a psychiatrist should know that, right? I've been seeing this guy since 2007 so he should have figured out what I'm like.
My moods have been very up and down lately. Not like, manic/depressed but like... Deep, dark depression where I don't shower, don't want to get out of my bed, don't eat, don't want to socialize with anyone versus being just plain old depressed but somewhat functional... The last thing I need or want is another antidepressant... Bleh. I need to talk to someone but I keep missing my therapy appointments like an asshole... But it's like, cuz I'm depressed... I don't mean to miss the appointments on purpose... Sigh.
Anyway, I am hoping I got this job... I think it's something I will like doing, if I get the job... We shall see though! :D
What else??? Oh, I have to go back to court Friday... I need to speak to a free attorney tomorrow... And buy dog food!! And w/d off these Percocet before I start work if I did indeed get the job... I have a week to do it so we'll see...
So many "we'll sees", no definite answers... blehness...
A lot of people lately have orem carpet cleaning machines in your own home which they use. It is popular for people to try to do their own carpet cleaning. Should this be the case with you, here are some tips in order to start using thise machines properly. These tips work well for rental units. The first thing that you need to be conscious of is you ought not to be with all the shampoo mix directly from the tank. This could mean that you would be rinsing your carpet cleaning with shampoo which will cause rapid resoiling. Rather than this, obtain a small pump up sprayer and mix your shampoo solution in it. Then, apply the reply to the carpet and enable it to dwell before rinsing it with all the machine. From the machine, use simply water, possible adding a number of ounces of white vinegar to deodorize.
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Carpets are commonly used around the world. There are different designs, colors, shapes, sizes, and types which have been suitable for any office and home flooring. However, it's popular in cold climate countries. They like carpet cleaning as flooring to reduce the coldness from the concrete and wooden base as well as prevent moisture on floors. Some carpets are fixed on to the floor while many are simply just set within the floors and walls as decoration.
Carpets are nice flooring to any home but keeping it tidy is often rather difficult. Sure use a dyson to get rid of the most notable dry dirt, but what happens if you spill food and drinks in the grass? Ordinary carpet cleaning can't explode the stench, bacteria, and the stain. If you live at Edinburgh, valuable thing there presently exists a good number of professional carpet cleaning services.
provo carpet cleaning in Edinburgh is quite popular and must to have for each and every house because each and every house is carpeted. Small detachable rugs are very simple to clean and often will invest time to dry. Fixed or detachable carpets can be considerably cleaner for those who ask an experienced to clean it for you. provo carpet cleaning Edinburgh is near to perfection. Wherever possible, they fight to create every orem carpet cleaning look fresh. They've created it appoint that if each cleaning session, the carpet will wear some perfume and bacteria free.
Dust and other dry stuff within the carpet are typically removed and you may n't want a help of an pro cleaner, but reconsider. Germs build up beneath the carpet due to moist and retained dust. Molds also can develop below the rug that can also cause bacteria. When rugs usually are not cleaned properly and regularly, this could certainly cause sickness for example skin allergy and asthma. In case the person already has it, the un-cleaned orem carpet cleaning tends to make the ailment worst. Vacuuming daily is important to get rid of the symptoms dirt but it is preferable to call a professional carpet cleaner on a monthly basis to decontaminate the carpet thoroughly.
Carpet cleaning is a such business that's required by virtually all household. The majority of people look for their service because some just lack a chance to clean as a consequence of tight timetable and some are just health-conscious that they can want their properties to smell good and germ free. Carpet cleaning companies offers different promos including discounts and funds back. Take advantage of the offer, hiring provo carpet cleaningcleaners helps keep your flooring neat and bacteria free.
A gigantic industry is growing up across the off-site central station Burglar alarms Londonof burglary and fire Monitored alarmsystems. In fact, many security dealers dedicate 100% of their available resources to installing countless Burglar alarms London accounts as they are able. Several of these systems are put-in with minimal upfront costs even though the total costs for parts and labor for your average home Monitored alarm system are well over $ 350.00. Why would a dealer dedicate a lot of his time giving away and then installing monitored security systems? The solution is Monthly Re-Occurring Revenue (MRR), which is simply the fee which is connected with Wireless burglar alarm your home security system.
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Fifteen or twenty years ago, most towns from a size experienced a few locally owned Central Stations. These Central Stations were usually the heart on the thriving alarm company which in fact had a devoted sales and service force that created and maintained their subscriber base. The value of alarm companies is at least partly in line with the total amount of Monthly Re-Occurring Revenue actually capable of generate. Imagine a mid-sized company that charges Twenty five.00 for Burglar alarms London on a monthly basis. Now imagine that company has 5,000 customers. That clients are now generating $ 125,000.00 per month which happens to be adequate to 1.5 Million Dollars in Annual Re-Occurring Revenue.
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Burglar alarms London because he is selling the agreement to just one of those Super-Sized Central Stations. Based on your credit score along with the term on the contract, he may collect any where from 25 to 40 times the fee every month for turning over the contract. Whether or not it cost him $ 300.00 for the equipment and another $ 100.00 for your labor so you singed a 3-year contract at Thirty dollars.00 a month, he may probably make about $ 650.00 for supplying you with that free burglar alarm.
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Fifteen or twenty years ago, most towns from a size experienced a few locally owned Central Stations. These Central Stations were usually the heart on the thriving alarm company which in fact had a devoted sales and service force that created and maintained their subscriber base. The value of alarm companies is at least partly in line with the total amount of Monthly Re-Occurring Revenue actually capable of generate. Imagine a mid-sized company that charges Twenty five.00 for Burglar alarms London on a monthly basis. Now imagine that company has 5,000 customers. That clients are now generating $ 125,000.00 per month which happens to be adequate to 1.5 Million Dollars in Annual Re-Occurring Revenue.
The amount on most companies is roughly according to 3-½ times their annual revenue, which might make our example company worth over 5-Million Dollars. As you can guess, with Burglar alarms London worth a lot, most of the family runBurglar alarms London companies cashed out long ago. By using a series of acquisitions and mergers, many of the Security and Fire Burglar alarms London Systems in america now are Monitored alarm by a several Super-Sized Central Stations. Many of these Mega-Stations have countless highly skilled alarm dispatchers that handle 1000s of alarms from all in the country.
Now, let's come back to that local installer toiling day in and outing to give away and Install Security Systems. He can afford to present you with that
Burglar alarms London because he is selling the agreement to just one of those Super-Sized Central Stations. Based on your credit score along with the term on the contract, he may collect any where from 25 to 40 times the fee every month for turning over the contract. Whether or not it cost him $ 300.00 for the equipment and another $ 100.00 for your labor so you singed a 3-year contract at Thirty dollars.00 a month, he may probably make about $ 650.00 for supplying you with that free burglar alarm.
Try to make this short. I became a drug addict starting in 1995. Also the year I had a bad car accident hurting my back making me eligble for pain pills. Did hydro's for years up until 2001. For the next 2 and a half years I took at least 100 mg of methadone a day. I detoxed in 2003 w the help of oc 80's. Snorting them being the only way to relieve the withdrawal from the methadone. Up to 6 80's a day. 2 years ago, I switched to Opana 40's. I take two to three daily by snorting them. My question is to anyone out there who may shed some light on this is this: Because I went straight from methadone to oxy's and on, is it possible that I may still face a long detox like the 14 month detox I had in 2003-04 with methadone or am I just going to face my current crime of the opana? Really like to know before I put myself thru this again!
Thanx,
3amDrive
Thanx,
3amDrive
05-06-201010:48
My actual point in this specific post about sleep was to answer his question about (REM)sleep........
The most important thing is to give the poster of this thread the most information of what I think.
I did not do the best job of explaining so This is more detail....
so he can better understand How reducing a choline decifiency can help your REM sleep.
ACh-the most important inducer of REM sleep because it effects your biological clock...let me break it all down......
with out summing anything up, So that everyone can understand exactly what I am trying to interpret from my brain.
Choline is a very important nutrient...
Choline- compound that is used by the body to synthesize(bind) acetylcholine(neurotransmitter)
Acetylcholine--is a chemical compound meaning- (more than one compound makes up this neurotrasmitter.)
Acetylcholine if the number one neurotransmitter in all autonomic ganglia.
(ACh<--I will use the abbr. for acetylcholine b/c the word to long to keep writing it LOL)
Choline-one of two components of ACh, very important for the nervous system function.
Second component of ACh is ester of acetic acid.
By the way Chloragenic means related to the neurotransmitter acetylcholine.
Anyways..... ACh is made when combining ester of acetic acid and choline.
But just to make this a little more complicated (PA I know this makes you happy) I will go into more detail....
FIrst we need Thioester to happen (combining ester of acetic acid with coenzyme a = acetyl-CoA (acetyl+coenzyme A)
Thioester means combining an organic acid with a enzyme....
Then in the process acetic acid has a proton taken away resulting in = acetate
choline acetyltransferase(organic enzyme) joins together the acetate and choline.
((((Ok Now wahhh Bamm neurotransmitter "acetylcholine(ACh)" is made.))))
ACh- functions- peripheral nervous system (ANS,SNS..etc..)
ACh is a "major" neurotransmitter in the autonomic nervous system.
ACh-has an important role in the enhancement of sensory perceptions<--Important! (for REM, attention, anything regulated by your internal clock AKA autonomic nervous system.....
Sensory perceptions....Are controled by your Autonomic Nervous System
QUOTED from somewhere-->Damage to the cholinergic (acetylcholine-producing) system in the brain is related to memory deficits.
Quote from WIKI-Acetylcholine is the preganglionic neurotransmitter for both divisions of the ANS, as well
as the postganglionic neurotransmitter of parasympathetic neurons. Nerves that release acetylcholine are said to be cholinergic.
In the parasympathetic system, ganglionic neurons use acetylcholine as a neurotransmitter, to stimulate muscarinic receptors.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomic_nervous_system
(reason for my Dysautonomia (autonomic nervous system disorder.. comment in my other post)
Also plays a part in the central nervous system as a (neuromodulator).
neuromodulator- process where your neurotransmitters regulate neurons. Neurons-AKA-nerve cell) regulate by releasing chemicals (chemicals with a job)
ACh uses its """cholinergic system""" to enhance the excitatory/inhibitory(arousal and reward) responses of the receptors in the NS.
ACh receptors= Protiens that are a stuck together to help with binding of the ACh neurotransmitter.
"""Cholinergic system" is the use of the acetylcholine receptors. Those receptors are there because of the ACh neurotransmitter..derived from Choline....
ACh receptors(AChR)- nicotinic acetylcholine receptors (nAChR)
(this is the recceptor that is inhibited by PCP which causes damage a little research and i answer my own question but..
it would have been really really nice if someone had just posted it..also It can be reversed...I explained that somewhere already)
Anyways the other major AChR is muscarinic acetylcholine receptors (mAChR)..
BOth of thoughs receptors are the main kinds of cholinergic receptors.(again..cholinergic means part of ACh neurotransmitter)
ACh as a neuromodulator(using its cholinergic system) for arousal and reward in the nervous system.^--remember enhances the response of receptors.
(Why would the fda still make manufactures of baby formula add choline?)
So now with me helping out and being more detailed.....
The reason I feel a deficiency of the nutrient Choline is because )))with out it non of this can happen...Also.......
If you do not have enough Choline or you have damaged a receptor made from Choline.........
Your autonomic clock (autonomic nervous system)--that is controled by your ACh neurotransmitter....Will not work properly which I feel and
research, studies, MD journals.....all show that this could be a major problem with a whole lot of people....And would be one of the major
neurotransmitters affecting REM sleep........................
Can you imagine what is going on with the people with this problem....
))))A dysfunction so small somewhere,somehow in your PNS/CNS((....especially if your problem is caused by voluntary drug use.....
PA Now do I make enough sense for you to understand? I know someone will think this is a specific to make my point........
I have to add-- choline supplement that can cross the BBB- Acetyl-L-carnitine
My actual point in this specific post about sleep was to answer his question about (REM)sleep........
The most important thing is to give the poster of this thread the most information of what I think.
I did not do the best job of explaining so This is more detail....
so he can better understand How reducing a choline decifiency can help your REM sleep.
ACh-the most important inducer of REM sleep because it effects your biological clock...let me break it all down......
with out summing anything up, So that everyone can understand exactly what I am trying to interpret from my brain.
Choline is a very important nutrient...
Choline- compound that is used by the body to synthesize(bind) acetylcholine(neurotransmitter)
Acetylcholine--is a chemical compound meaning- (more than one compound makes up this neurotrasmitter.)
Acetylcholine if the number one neurotransmitter in all autonomic ganglia.
(ACh<--I will use the abbr. for acetylcholine b/c the word to long to keep writing it LOL)
Choline-one of two components of ACh, very important for the nervous system function.
Second component of ACh is ester of acetic acid.
By the way Chloragenic means related to the neurotransmitter acetylcholine.
Anyways..... ACh is made when combining ester of acetic acid and choline.
But just to make this a little more complicated (PA I know this makes you happy) I will go into more detail....
FIrst we need Thioester to happen (combining ester of acetic acid with coenzyme a = acetyl-CoA (acetyl+coenzyme A)
Thioester means combining an organic acid with a enzyme....
Then in the process acetic acid has a proton taken away resulting in = acetate
choline acetyltransferase(organic enzyme) joins together the acetate and choline.
((((Ok Now wahhh Bamm neurotransmitter "acetylcholine(ACh)" is made.))))
ACh- functions- peripheral nervous system (ANS,SNS..etc..)
ACh is a "major" neurotransmitter in the autonomic nervous system.
ACh-has an important role in the enhancement of sensory perceptions<--Important! (for REM, attention, anything regulated by your internal clock AKA autonomic nervous system.....
Sensory perceptions....Are controled by your Autonomic Nervous System
QUOTED from somewhere-->Damage to the cholinergic (acetylcholine-producing) system in the brain is related to memory deficits.
Quote from WIKI-Acetylcholine is the preganglionic neurotransmitter for both divisions of the ANS, as well
as the postganglionic neurotransmitter of parasympathetic neurons. Nerves that release acetylcholine are said to be cholinergic.
In the parasympathetic system, ganglionic neurons use acetylcholine as a neurotransmitter, to stimulate muscarinic receptors.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomic_nervous_system
(reason for my Dysautonomia (autonomic nervous system disorder.. comment in my other post)
Also plays a part in the central nervous system as a (neuromodulator).
neuromodulator- process where your neurotransmitters regulate neurons. Neurons-AKA-nerve cell) regulate by releasing chemicals (chemicals with a job)
ACh uses its """cholinergic system""" to enhance the excitatory/inhibitory(arousal and reward) responses of the receptors in the NS.
ACh receptors= Protiens that are a stuck together to help with binding of the ACh neurotransmitter.
"""Cholinergic system" is the use of the acetylcholine receptors. Those receptors are there because of the ACh neurotransmitter..derived from Choline....
ACh receptors(AChR)- nicotinic acetylcholine receptors (nAChR)
(this is the recceptor that is inhibited by PCP which causes damage a little research and i answer my own question but..
it would have been really really nice if someone had just posted it..also It can be reversed...I explained that somewhere already)
Anyways the other major AChR is muscarinic acetylcholine receptors (mAChR)..
BOth of thoughs receptors are the main kinds of cholinergic receptors.(again..cholinergic means part of ACh neurotransmitter)
ACh as a neuromodulator(using its cholinergic system) for arousal and reward in the nervous system.^--remember enhances the response of receptors.
(Why would the fda still make manufactures of baby formula add choline?)
So now with me helping out and being more detailed.....
The reason I feel a deficiency of the nutrient Choline is because )))with out it non of this can happen...Also.......
If you do not have enough Choline or you have damaged a receptor made from Choline.........
Your autonomic clock (autonomic nervous system)--that is controled by your ACh neurotransmitter....Will not work properly which I feel and
research, studies, MD journals.....all show that this could be a major problem with a whole lot of people....And would be one of the major
neurotransmitters affecting REM sleep........................
Can you imagine what is going on with the people with this problem....
))))A dysfunction so small somewhere,somehow in your PNS/CNS((....especially if your problem is caused by voluntary drug use.....
PA Now do I make enough sense for you to understand? I know someone will think this is a specific to make my point........
I have to add-- choline supplement that can cross the BBB- Acetyl-L-carnitine
I did not write the "new age" comment.....I believe that REM is affected by a choline (precursor) deficiency acetylcholine deficiency..whatever you want to call it.............also light (sensor behind retina I think..well im pretty sure anyways), stress and other stimulating things can cause melatonin levels to drop so you wouldn't have as much of the hormone made by your pineal gland to stimulate your GABA receptors...so you would not be as tired at night also you would have trouble falling/staying asleep(REM is effected).....
If this is not right someone correct me because I am about to go research this right now....just to make sure....because I don't remember exactly..
Also serotonin think of it more as a over all well being neuro......
Originally Posted by P A
No, you're right. You didn't. I did...
An "acetylcholine deficiency" would leave you in one of two sates - fully paralytic or dead [probably from a cardiac syndrome, but who knows what wacky shenanigans such a ridiculous disorder could cook up?]. Your body requires cholinergic transmission for a lot more than just REM sleep and thinking, and there are quite a few neurons outside of your brain as well. See my posts on New Age "[insert neurotransmitter] reductionism." I'm done raging.
My academically pompous teeth clench. Again, see my above posts.
Since I don't know much about serotonin then whatever you said above prob right(i have not read what you said yet)....
Ok well maybe im wrong about the deficiency (meanings choline (precusor) acetylcholine but I could have swore it could be a cause of people have autonomic nervous system dysfunction, fybromialgia, misdiagnosis of panic attacks etc........
Also studies show that most people are actually deficient in their intake there intake of choline.....
You really need to look into it before just downing something I say....As i said before these are just my own thoughts......after my own research....
If just drives me insane for you to just basically say there is no such thing and basically tell me I have to be retarded to come up with an answer like that..I read way to much .........
So now I hope that you read your post then my answer again and then you will get it.....hopefully.
Does PCP cause damage to the cholinergic system after long term use?..............because it is a alpha-7 nicotinic receptor antagonist.
Do anyone think that maybe the reason PCP causes so many long term effects after long term use is because it destroys the acetylcholine production?
I know the other things it destroys but this one interests me............
Acute anticholinergic syndrome is completely reversible and subsides once all of the toxin has been excreted. Previously, reversible cholinergic agents such as physostigmine were used but this was found to increase the risk of cardiac toxicity. The current recommended treatment is symptomatic and supportive management.
Piracetam, Alpha-GPC and Choline (and other racetams) are known to activate cholinergic system and alleviate cognitive symptoms caused by extended use of anticholinergic drugs.
If this is not right someone correct me because I am about to go research this right now....just to make sure....because I don't remember exactly..
Also serotonin think of it more as a over all well being neuro......
Originally Posted by P A
No, you're right. You didn't. I did...
An "acetylcholine deficiency" would leave you in one of two sates - fully paralytic or dead [probably from a cardiac syndrome, but who knows what wacky shenanigans such a ridiculous disorder could cook up?]. Your body requires cholinergic transmission for a lot more than just REM sleep and thinking, and there are quite a few neurons outside of your brain as well. See my posts on New Age "[insert neurotransmitter] reductionism." I'm done raging.
My academically pompous teeth clench. Again, see my above posts.
Since I don't know much about serotonin then whatever you said above prob right(i have not read what you said yet)....
Ok well maybe im wrong about the deficiency (meanings choline (precusor) acetylcholine but I could have swore it could be a cause of people have autonomic nervous system dysfunction, fybromialgia, misdiagnosis of panic attacks etc........
Also studies show that most people are actually deficient in their intake there intake of choline.....
You really need to look into it before just downing something I say....As i said before these are just my own thoughts......after my own research....
If just drives me insane for you to just basically say there is no such thing and basically tell me I have to be retarded to come up with an answer like that..I read way to much .........
So now I hope that you read your post then my answer again and then you will get it.....hopefully.
Does PCP cause damage to the cholinergic system after long term use?..............because it is a alpha-7 nicotinic receptor antagonist.
Do anyone think that maybe the reason PCP causes so many long term effects after long term use is because it destroys the acetylcholine production?
I know the other things it destroys but this one interests me............
Acute anticholinergic syndrome is completely reversible and subsides once all of the toxin has been excreted. Previously, reversible cholinergic agents such as physostigmine were used but this was found to increase the risk of cardiac toxicity. The current recommended treatment is symptomatic and supportive management.
Piracetam, Alpha-GPC and Choline (and other racetams) are known to activate cholinergic system and alleviate cognitive symptoms caused by extended use of anticholinergic drugs.
I been wondering how to make extra money on the side besides prostitution obviously. I have a job but having another source of income would still help me out a lot.... So I was on google and then I remembered I could donate plasma! Woot, how the fuck did I forget about that? I can get around 260 a month if I got twice weekly. So then I thought if I get my mom to join in on this that's 520 dollars a month. We could then use that money with the 400 I get from my father a month to move out of transitional. This plan sounds pretty crazy though..... Of course, it would be nice to just both have jobs and then things would be easier. Besides, I don't know if they drug test every time you go to donate plasma. I mean I could remain sober then go donate, then use and wait for it to get out of my system but then again that would be a hassle.
So SWIM has been taking MDMA since Febuary 2011. I cant believe its been 12 months since my first time! Except for one occasion at a music festival in the summer of '11, taking a pill, SWIM has always consumed MDMA in crystal form wrapping it up in a rizla and bombing it. SWIM cannot remember the exact amount of times SWIM has rolled but it has certainly been no more than ten. SWIM has never taken anymore than the one bomb in a night, so when SWIM comes down SWIM leaves it at that and just enjoys the warm fuzzy feelings before heading off home to bed.
After SWIMS most recent roll SWIM had sex with SWIMS girlfriend the following evening. As much as SWIM went for it SWIM could not achieve orgasm. After a good 45 minutes SWIM gave up knowing this was probably just down to the events of the previous night. But this lead SWIM to wonder about another question... Does MDMA effect a mans fertility if he uses the substance once every month or two for a long period of time. SWIM is curious because if this is the case SWIM will just save the glorious stuff for one or two festivals & new years eve each year. SWIMS thanks you for your time and any answers you can give.
After SWIMS most recent roll SWIM had sex with SWIMS girlfriend the following evening. As much as SWIM went for it SWIM could not achieve orgasm. After a good 45 minutes SWIM gave up knowing this was probably just down to the events of the previous night. But this lead SWIM to wonder about another question... Does MDMA effect a mans fertility if he uses the substance once every month or two for a long period of time. SWIM is curious because if this is the case SWIM will just save the glorious stuff for one or two festivals & new years eve each year. SWIMS thanks you for your time and any answers you can give.
Today my suboxone withdraw is not bad. I took 16 mg last night and reset myself for a new beginning of witty raw. I suppose I gave up. My headaches are gone my body aches are gone. I feel a million times better.
I am about tondo some research on suboxones long turn effects on your brains andtthe paths of neurons... I only there are only studies and not to much on long term effects bt I would still like to learn what I so imoffto do that....
I am about tondo some research on suboxones long turn effects on your brains andtthe paths of neurons... I only there are only studies and not to much on long term effects bt I would still like to learn what I so imoffto do that....
The poetry of this hangover
I don't want to think-
..not hard, anyways.
The scenery and fish, they're bad..
Take another breath, another look and swallow
Holding the hand of hard times
And fallout
It could be worse... my star could fall
Pacified by little things
Tones of beige and green seem
To halt a scream in waiting
All red eyes, all heads thinking
No one says anything I can
Hear down here on the floor,
Where I belong..
Too young to find the horses
Too young fighting causes
I get overwhelmed
And I feel three days old
Another day goes and fails
The people lose control just 'cause
Things are going slow
Your corduroy coat has left you,
Just when you're feeling the wind
And cold
Then comes a rain of old thoughts
That always have to wreck my high
And bring me down
You and I are not the same
You like everything
Arms wave in a spin, blown by
Things I've hated, I've faded to the point
Where I'm not all there
Curled up on the floor
Where I belong
I don't want to think-
..not hard, anyways.
The scenery and fish, they're bad..
Take another breath, another look and swallow
Holding the hand of hard times
And fallout
It could be worse... my star could fall
Pacified by little things
Tones of beige and green seem
To halt a scream in waiting
All red eyes, all heads thinking
No one says anything I can
Hear down here on the floor,
Where I belong..
Too young to find the horses
Too young fighting causes
I get overwhelmed
And I feel three days old
Another day goes and fails
The people lose control just 'cause
Things are going slow
Your corduroy coat has left you,
Just when you're feeling the wind
And cold
Then comes a rain of old thoughts
That always have to wreck my high
And bring me down
You and I are not the same
You like everything
Arms wave in a spin, blown by
Things I've hated, I've faded to the point
Where I'm not all there
Curled up on the floor
Where I belong
Thought I'd share my experience with stopping a GBL habit. I didn't quite get to 24/7, and I didn't suffer physically when I stopped -- I wouldn't described myself as having been addicted - just weak-willed!
So, before the ban, I got a decent amount of GBL in. It sat in the cupboards barely touched for ages... then I got into it a bit more, taking it a couple of times a week. Found it a nice thing to take to mong out in the evenings. Gradually the frequency increased (as did the dose) to every evening.
My evenings were:
6pm-8pm. get home from work, 1.5ml g straight away. 0.5ml redoses every hour
8pm. Eat dinner
8.30pm. Dose 1ml. Redose 0.5ml 1 hour later. Think "huh, this isn't doing anything, must need more because I've eaten". Redose another 0.5ml. Pass out.
11-4am ish. Wake up. Redose 1ml, 0.5 every hour
4am. Sleep
6am. Wake up due to rebound, go to work
Sometimes I'd take it in the mornings too if I woke up early enough for it to have worn off by the time I had to drive. I did take some to work once, but I was afraid I'd accidentally get fucked, so I didn't actually take any.
My overuse was mostly because I didn't see a problem with doing that every night. I wasn't experiencing epic anxiety during the day, work was going fine, etc.
Mugabe was mostly fine with it until the passing out became more regular, and I started getting much more fucked. I'd get completely out of control -- running around laughing hysterically, and totally *not me*.
After he got upset about this a couple of times, I decided I should stop or at least cut back.
From there my overuse became a lack of self-control, since I did want to stop taking so much.
After a while and another crazy-angelsmoke night, I realised I wouldn't sort this out with self control. So, mugabe found someone to take the majority off our hands, and I kept just a 15ml bottle.
That got me to cut back a bit to make it last.
It ran out 3 weeks ago.
The hardest bit was getting home from work. I'd gotten very used to using G to put myself in monged evening mode. I'd take G and play WoW. So, I tried playing WoW, but I was still in work-stressed mode. I'd feel really miserable and lost - not associating the feeling directly to G, but just sitting there thinking "wuh?".
My general anxiety level did go up quite a lot. My stress levels at work were unchanged. By anxiety in this context, I mean e.g. if I bumped into someone, I'd apologise and scuttle away feeling horrible, rather than forgetting it right away. If I saw talkative people coming out to smoke while I was smoking, I'd go back inside to avoid having to talk.
At home, I was irritable, intolerant, took everything the worst way....
I had lorazapam a couple of times -- it did help with the anxiety but didn't make me miss G any less.
I tried drinking - it was AWFUL!! I just got edgier and edgier. Ended up hugging my knees and rocking back and forth -- mugabe managed to get my mind off it and calm me down a bit, and gave me a benzo. Then I decided I wanted to go out and get some meph. mugabe tried to talk me out of this, on the basis of both "we shouldn't be doing meph" and "you're drunk and benzoed, don't drive". I went mental at him... basically I think my twisted logic was to get him to say "fuck you, go crash your car, I don't care", and to myself I was using the "logic" that he was trying to control me by saying we shouldn't do meph. I didn't just yell, I used horrible personal attacks which really hurt him.
I didn't get any meph, and I have remembered why I don't drink!!! I am not going to be drinking again....
I've read on here people getting some relief from booze when coming off GBL. I'd say
- They probably meant more the physical symptoms than the craving
- If you are usually a bad drunk if you drink when you're unhappy, you probably will be if you try to use it to fill a GBL hole.
So, three weeks on, how is it going?
I don't automatically miss it in the evening anymore. I still do miss it, but I don't feel like crap and at a loose end.
I can't get by on 2 hours of sleep a night - generally getting about 7 hours now!
GBL rebounds made me a bit gobby at work sometimes. Nothing awful but a bit too quick to venture my opinion. Now I can be sure that if I say something impulsively, I'll regret it for the right reasons, and not beat myself up for being 'in a state'.
GBL made me sweat a lot during the day - this has now stopped.
I had an opportunity to buy some yesterday, but I declined. I know I'll have moments where I regret this, but right now I'm pleased with myself. I rarely choose to the right thing when the other option is the "fun thing".
When I stopped abusing meph, I felt a genuine joy at being able to lead a normal life. Doing simple things was awesome. I didn't get this at all with stopping G, because it didn't really prevent me from doing anything I needed to do.
I do lead a fuller life than I did a month ago though. G didn't *stop* me from spending time with friends, but I preferred G to friends. I'd socialise, but I would be thinking "must get home and have G" all the time. It's nice to be able to do stuff without wanting it to be over so I can get back to G.
Some thoughts...
I am really glad I've stopped. It wasn't quite controlling my life, but it was certainly elbowing out other parts of my life.
In January I took a 2 week break from it because we were on holiday in America. Apart from a bit of a weird headache for a while, I didn't miss it at all. I had my first dose on returning home 5 minutes after I walked in the door.
With meph, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, and it all happened so fast..... with G - I *knew* it was addictive, had read lots, and slowly took more and more over a long time. This was STUPID -- I was being STUPID - and if I had used my brain or been a bit stronger then I would have been ok. I am just saying... just because you are aware of the risks, doesn't mean you're immune to them!
What now?
Though I think drug laws are pretty daft, I have to admit that GBL being illegal has helped me. If it was easily available I'd probably have got some more (though I did break a similar habit with alcohol a few years ago). I think that until I can think "ooh, I haven't thought about G in AGES!" I am not ready to have it around again.
Advice
For the other g-habitual people. If you're 24/7ing you're in a different category and you know you have a problem. But for the "I do it a bit too often" people... well, consider if it is interfering with your life at all. Irritating you because you THINK you take too much is included here. Then weigh it all up -- I believe that habits like this become a problem when you DECIDE it is.
Beware that there's usually no going back - if you answer "would you like to take less of it?" with "yes", then try it and find you can't cut down, you'll have a hard time convincing yourself that it's really ok.
Final word
I briefly mentioned that I used to have problems with booze, too. If you're thinking "ye gods, this girl just can't control herself", then yes, you're right and I own up to that. However, mephedrone addiction was something else entirely -- like nothing I have experienced -- so please don't disregard my warnings about it on the basis of me being an unreliable source. I have nothing to gain by lying to you.
So, before the ban, I got a decent amount of GBL in. It sat in the cupboards barely touched for ages... then I got into it a bit more, taking it a couple of times a week. Found it a nice thing to take to mong out in the evenings. Gradually the frequency increased (as did the dose) to every evening.
My evenings were:
6pm-8pm. get home from work, 1.5ml g straight away. 0.5ml redoses every hour
8pm. Eat dinner
8.30pm. Dose 1ml. Redose 0.5ml 1 hour later. Think "huh, this isn't doing anything, must need more because I've eaten". Redose another 0.5ml. Pass out.
11-4am ish. Wake up. Redose 1ml, 0.5 every hour
4am. Sleep
6am. Wake up due to rebound, go to work
Sometimes I'd take it in the mornings too if I woke up early enough for it to have worn off by the time I had to drive. I did take some to work once, but I was afraid I'd accidentally get fucked, so I didn't actually take any.
My overuse was mostly because I didn't see a problem with doing that every night. I wasn't experiencing epic anxiety during the day, work was going fine, etc.
Mugabe was mostly fine with it until the passing out became more regular, and I started getting much more fucked. I'd get completely out of control -- running around laughing hysterically, and totally *not me*.
After he got upset about this a couple of times, I decided I should stop or at least cut back.
From there my overuse became a lack of self-control, since I did want to stop taking so much.
After a while and another crazy-angelsmoke night, I realised I wouldn't sort this out with self control. So, mugabe found someone to take the majority off our hands, and I kept just a 15ml bottle.
That got me to cut back a bit to make it last.
It ran out 3 weeks ago.
The hardest bit was getting home from work. I'd gotten very used to using G to put myself in monged evening mode. I'd take G and play WoW. So, I tried playing WoW, but I was still in work-stressed mode. I'd feel really miserable and lost - not associating the feeling directly to G, but just sitting there thinking "wuh?".
My general anxiety level did go up quite a lot. My stress levels at work were unchanged. By anxiety in this context, I mean e.g. if I bumped into someone, I'd apologise and scuttle away feeling horrible, rather than forgetting it right away. If I saw talkative people coming out to smoke while I was smoking, I'd go back inside to avoid having to talk.
At home, I was irritable, intolerant, took everything the worst way....
I had lorazapam a couple of times -- it did help with the anxiety but didn't make me miss G any less.
I tried drinking - it was AWFUL!! I just got edgier and edgier. Ended up hugging my knees and rocking back and forth -- mugabe managed to get my mind off it and calm me down a bit, and gave me a benzo. Then I decided I wanted to go out and get some meph. mugabe tried to talk me out of this, on the basis of both "we shouldn't be doing meph" and "you're drunk and benzoed, don't drive". I went mental at him... basically I think my twisted logic was to get him to say "fuck you, go crash your car, I don't care", and to myself I was using the "logic" that he was trying to control me by saying we shouldn't do meph. I didn't just yell, I used horrible personal attacks which really hurt him.
I didn't get any meph, and I have remembered why I don't drink!!! I am not going to be drinking again....
I've read on here people getting some relief from booze when coming off GBL. I'd say
- They probably meant more the physical symptoms than the craving
- If you are usually a bad drunk if you drink when you're unhappy, you probably will be if you try to use it to fill a GBL hole.
So, three weeks on, how is it going?
I don't automatically miss it in the evening anymore. I still do miss it, but I don't feel like crap and at a loose end.
I can't get by on 2 hours of sleep a night - generally getting about 7 hours now!
GBL rebounds made me a bit gobby at work sometimes. Nothing awful but a bit too quick to venture my opinion. Now I can be sure that if I say something impulsively, I'll regret it for the right reasons, and not beat myself up for being 'in a state'.
GBL made me sweat a lot during the day - this has now stopped.
I had an opportunity to buy some yesterday, but I declined. I know I'll have moments where I regret this, but right now I'm pleased with myself. I rarely choose to the right thing when the other option is the "fun thing".
When I stopped abusing meph, I felt a genuine joy at being able to lead a normal life. Doing simple things was awesome. I didn't get this at all with stopping G, because it didn't really prevent me from doing anything I needed to do.
I do lead a fuller life than I did a month ago though. G didn't *stop* me from spending time with friends, but I preferred G to friends. I'd socialise, but I would be thinking "must get home and have G" all the time. It's nice to be able to do stuff without wanting it to be over so I can get back to G.
Some thoughts...
I am really glad I've stopped. It wasn't quite controlling my life, but it was certainly elbowing out other parts of my life.
In January I took a 2 week break from it because we were on holiday in America. Apart from a bit of a weird headache for a while, I didn't miss it at all. I had my first dose on returning home 5 minutes after I walked in the door.
With meph, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, and it all happened so fast..... with G - I *knew* it was addictive, had read lots, and slowly took more and more over a long time. This was STUPID -- I was being STUPID - and if I had used my brain or been a bit stronger then I would have been ok. I am just saying... just because you are aware of the risks, doesn't mean you're immune to them!
What now?
Though I think drug laws are pretty daft, I have to admit that GBL being illegal has helped me. If it was easily available I'd probably have got some more (though I did break a similar habit with alcohol a few years ago). I think that until I can think "ooh, I haven't thought about G in AGES!" I am not ready to have it around again.
Advice
For the other g-habitual people. If you're 24/7ing you're in a different category and you know you have a problem. But for the "I do it a bit too often" people... well, consider if it is interfering with your life at all. Irritating you because you THINK you take too much is included here. Then weigh it all up -- I believe that habits like this become a problem when you DECIDE it is.
Beware that there's usually no going back - if you answer "would you like to take less of it?" with "yes", then try it and find you can't cut down, you'll have a hard time convincing yourself that it's really ok.
Final word
I briefly mentioned that I used to have problems with booze, too. If you're thinking "ye gods, this girl just can't control herself", then yes, you're right and I own up to that. However, mephedrone addiction was something else entirely -- like nothing I have experienced -- so please don't disregard my warnings about it on the basis of me being an unreliable source. I have nothing to gain by lying to you.
So that I'll stop spamming the Cuddle Puddle with my thoughts, I figure I'd bring them here.
I don't know if it's the slight "perception change" that comes with psychedelics (phenethylamines aren't nearly as strong as on tryptamines for me) or if I'm just paying more attention to all sides of my brain instead of repressing the 'less pleasant' side like usual... but I feel that drugs really brings out the true nature of people. If that person is truly awed and curious about things, he just becomes more so. If that person is naturally anxious and just needs help coming out of his shell, his trip will start anxiously before he can reach peace with it. If someone is naturally giving and always concerned with the well-being of others, she'll be more concerned with those around her during the trip than herself. If someone is inherently self-absorbed, however, they will be selfish on their trip. They will not pick up on the cues that others are giving them, or will completely ignore their pleas in favor of their own pleasures or wants.
Perhaps that is a selfish thought of me to have, but I feel (right now at least) as though it is the truth. Rather than sharing the trip with those she is with, my friend T has been playing a game on her computer while talking with people on Skype for the duration of the trip: from dropping to the present. Not just one round, either. She is currently on her fourth. We asked her at the end of the last one to join us, to chill with us, the people with whom she is tripping. But she said "no" since we don't have a clear idea of what we want to do once she stops.
WE JUST WANT TO ENJOY EACH OTHER AND EACH OTHERS' PRESENCES, DAMNIT.
I invited her to join us because we done 2C-D together before (about 2 years ago now) and enjoyed it immensely. I don't like listening to these people's voices who I don't know, who I can't see. I feel like I can't let go of myself. I want to listen to soft, mellow music... not the sounds of their harsh language and the sound effects from their violent game. But, I'm too concerned with leaving her in here by herself... as selfish as she's being, I can't remove myself from her presence completely because I don't want her to feel abandoned.
I just want her to realize that we are her friends, here in front of her, and not to ignore us so completely. I want her to feel as concerned for me and my well-being as I do for hers. I think it hurts to know that she apparently doesn't. She seems to be one of those selfish people that I just cannot understand. I don't want this to be a friendship breaker, but I fear it will be. Once a person becomes so aware of another, it is difficult to forget it.
I have not been able to enjoy my trip, because I never felt that I peaked. I cannot truly say I have come down, since I never "came up"...there was certainly an onset, and there are certainly effects, but mentally I am so unaffected...or just negatively so...that I cannot enjoy this. I was so enthusiastic about sharing this experience, I was so excited for the chance to trip on one of my most sentimental substances (2C-D is the first drug experience I shared with my boyfriend, and is partially what brought us together - actually, it could almost be completely attributed to it... but that's an entry for another day)... but I have been let down by the company I chose to share it with, I suppose.
I do not want to be selfish; I do not want to let this keep me from sharing experiences with others in the future, but I fear it will cause me to hesitate further. Tripping is an intimate thing, and no matter how well you think you know someone, it may not be enough...
I am sad.
I don't know if it's the slight "perception change" that comes with psychedelics (phenethylamines aren't nearly as strong as on tryptamines for me) or if I'm just paying more attention to all sides of my brain instead of repressing the 'less pleasant' side like usual... but I feel that drugs really brings out the true nature of people. If that person is truly awed and curious about things, he just becomes more so. If that person is naturally anxious and just needs help coming out of his shell, his trip will start anxiously before he can reach peace with it. If someone is naturally giving and always concerned with the well-being of others, she'll be more concerned with those around her during the trip than herself. If someone is inherently self-absorbed, however, they will be selfish on their trip. They will not pick up on the cues that others are giving them, or will completely ignore their pleas in favor of their own pleasures or wants.
Perhaps that is a selfish thought of me to have, but I feel (right now at least) as though it is the truth. Rather than sharing the trip with those she is with, my friend T has been playing a game on her computer while talking with people on Skype for the duration of the trip: from dropping to the present. Not just one round, either. She is currently on her fourth. We asked her at the end of the last one to join us, to chill with us, the people with whom she is tripping. But she said "no" since we don't have a clear idea of what we want to do once she stops.
WE JUST WANT TO ENJOY EACH OTHER AND EACH OTHERS' PRESENCES, DAMNIT.
I invited her to join us because we done 2C-D together before (about 2 years ago now) and enjoyed it immensely. I don't like listening to these people's voices who I don't know, who I can't see. I feel like I can't let go of myself. I want to listen to soft, mellow music... not the sounds of their harsh language and the sound effects from their violent game. But, I'm too concerned with leaving her in here by herself... as selfish as she's being, I can't remove myself from her presence completely because I don't want her to feel abandoned.I just want her to realize that we are her friends, here in front of her, and not to ignore us so completely. I want her to feel as concerned for me and my well-being as I do for hers. I think it hurts to know that she apparently doesn't. She seems to be one of those selfish people that I just cannot understand. I don't want this to be a friendship breaker, but I fear it will be. Once a person becomes so aware of another, it is difficult to forget it.
I have not been able to enjoy my trip, because I never felt that I peaked. I cannot truly say I have come down, since I never "came up"...there was certainly an onset, and there are certainly effects, but mentally I am so unaffected...or just negatively so...that I cannot enjoy this. I was so enthusiastic about sharing this experience, I was so excited for the chance to trip on one of my most sentimental substances (2C-D is the first drug experience I shared with my boyfriend, and is partially what brought us together - actually, it could almost be completely attributed to it... but that's an entry for another day)... but I have been let down by the company I chose to share it with, I suppose.
I do not want to be selfish; I do not want to let this keep me from sharing experiences with others in the future, but I fear it will cause me to hesitate further. Tripping is an intimate thing, and no matter how well you think you know someone, it may not be enough...
I am sad.