Before I started using drugs (at age eighteen) I had major depressive disorder and extreme social anxiety. And that's it. My symptoms started when I was about 10. My disorders were definitely caused by part nature and part nurture.
NURTURE: I was home schooled since the middle of first grade. I had next to no social contact with my peers. My parents were very overprotective and would not allow me to leave the house without parental supervision until I was eighteen. I spent most of my time alone in my room listening to the radio (we had no TV). At age 13 out of depression, angst, and boredom I started getting into cutting as a release and form of entertainment. I also adopted the goth culture and became obsessed with Marilyn Manson and all that good stuff. Also the culture in my family has always been very distant. We don't talk about emotions. We don't show affection. My parents never have hugged or kissed me or told me they loved me.
NATURE:
-My mom had major depression as a teenager and into her 20s, then it changed to more Dysthymic depression as she got older. She definitely has general anxiety, particularly concerning my safety and finances. But despite her financial concerns she has never had a job since marrying my dad, my theory is it's the depression sapping her of motivation to work outside the home.
-My dad is like a non-entity. He rarely shows emotion, he never talks about anything even remotely personal. He make's my mom make all the decisions then criticizes her decisions. Very manipulative and psychologically abusive, imo. Even though my dad was technically always there I feel like I grew up without a dad.
It's extremely hard to get an accurate psychological diagnosis while one is using drugs, even those prescribed for psychiatric conditions. And with severe cases it is difficult to keep someone off meds long enough to get an accurate assessment of symptoms due to potential suicide/homicide/law breaking behavior. That would have to be done in an inpatient facility for sure.
Since I was 18 I have been abusing a whole array of different drugs (meth, heroin, coke, E, Acid, etc, etc) and been on countless psych meds (zoloft, seroquel, trileptal, welbutrin, klonopin, adderall, etc,etc,). Since I started using drugs I have been diagnosed as Rapid-Cycling Bi-Polar, Dysthymia Depression, Major Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, ADD, Panic Attacks, and Borderline Personality Disorder.
~The Bi-Polar symptoms were primarily an issue when I took a break from meth after a year of near daily use.
~The dysthymia is my normal state when I don't feel like killing my self or slicing up my arms.
~The Major Depression is when I do feel like doing those things. Often associated with events that happen in my life that trigger that deep depression, or with guilt I feel about past events.
~The Seasonal Affective disorder is prolly just the depression from not being able to get out and find drugs because of the weather. lol, jk. No my depression is worse in extremes of weather, both winter and summer.
~My Social Anxiety is extreme. I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack when I'm around other human beings in any capacity, unless I am high. This includes when I am around close friends and also my family. It is intolerable and why I rarely leave the house sober.
~General Anxiety. I just worry about everything: the house catching on fire, getting a blot clot, my parents dying, me dying, my dog dying, it snowing so much i can't escape the house, etc.
~ADD. I definitely don't have the hyperactive part (ADHD). But I do have trouble focusing. I think it is purely drug related. Either I am too high to focus or I'm sober and too depressed to focus.
~Panic Attacks. I've had about 3 all out panic attacks in my life. One was directly drug related. The others were related to my social anxiety. Of course I lie to my psychiatrist and make it seem much worse so I can keep getting Klonopin.
~Borderline Personality Disorder. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe this is an Axis II disorder in the DSM IV. An umbrella disorder that can encompass a variety of Axis I disorders (the disorders mentioned above). I went through the diagnostic criteria for this disorder with a psychologist I had been seeing for over 2 years and I fit every one of the possible symptoms. BPD is a controversial diagnosis because it is a quick label to slap on someone with a variety of problems. It is often inaccurately applied to people, as ADD is for convenience.
(ADD side note: read the diagnostic criteria in the DSM IV for ADD/ADHD. The wording used to describe the symptoms is so vague literally ANYONE could be diagnosed with it. I'm not kidding.)
As a drug user I definitely have BPD. Before using drugs I think maybe some of the warning signs were there, but the drugs brought it out full bore.
If I got totally off all substances I wonder if I would return to just having Major Depression and Social Anxiety? Or have the drugs fucked my brain so much that these other diagnoses have merit? It's an interesting question. It is very possible that the BPD started pre-drug with the cutting and goth obsession, and the drugs just escalated it to full blown BPD.
If any of you had the patience to read this whole thing (or even part of it) I would be very interested to hear any comments or questions
NURTURE: I was home schooled since the middle of first grade. I had next to no social contact with my peers. My parents were very overprotective and would not allow me to leave the house without parental supervision until I was eighteen. I spent most of my time alone in my room listening to the radio (we had no TV). At age 13 out of depression, angst, and boredom I started getting into cutting as a release and form of entertainment. I also adopted the goth culture and became obsessed with Marilyn Manson and all that good stuff. Also the culture in my family has always been very distant. We don't talk about emotions. We don't show affection. My parents never have hugged or kissed me or told me they loved me.
NATURE:
-My mom had major depression as a teenager and into her 20s, then it changed to more Dysthymic depression as she got older. She definitely has general anxiety, particularly concerning my safety and finances. But despite her financial concerns she has never had a job since marrying my dad, my theory is it's the depression sapping her of motivation to work outside the home.
-My dad is like a non-entity. He rarely shows emotion, he never talks about anything even remotely personal. He make's my mom make all the decisions then criticizes her decisions. Very manipulative and psychologically abusive, imo. Even though my dad was technically always there I feel like I grew up without a dad.
It's extremely hard to get an accurate psychological diagnosis while one is using drugs, even those prescribed for psychiatric conditions. And with severe cases it is difficult to keep someone off meds long enough to get an accurate assessment of symptoms due to potential suicide/homicide/law breaking behavior. That would have to be done in an inpatient facility for sure.
Since I was 18 I have been abusing a whole array of different drugs (meth, heroin, coke, E, Acid, etc, etc) and been on countless psych meds (zoloft, seroquel, trileptal, welbutrin, klonopin, adderall, etc,etc,). Since I started using drugs I have been diagnosed as Rapid-Cycling Bi-Polar, Dysthymia Depression, Major Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, ADD, Panic Attacks, and Borderline Personality Disorder.
~The Bi-Polar symptoms were primarily an issue when I took a break from meth after a year of near daily use.
~The dysthymia is my normal state when I don't feel like killing my self or slicing up my arms.
~The Major Depression is when I do feel like doing those things. Often associated with events that happen in my life that trigger that deep depression, or with guilt I feel about past events.
~The Seasonal Affective disorder is prolly just the depression from not being able to get out and find drugs because of the weather. lol, jk. No my depression is worse in extremes of weather, both winter and summer.
~My Social Anxiety is extreme. I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack when I'm around other human beings in any capacity, unless I am high. This includes when I am around close friends and also my family. It is intolerable and why I rarely leave the house sober.
~General Anxiety. I just worry about everything: the house catching on fire, getting a blot clot, my parents dying, me dying, my dog dying, it snowing so much i can't escape the house, etc.
~ADD. I definitely don't have the hyperactive part (ADHD). But I do have trouble focusing. I think it is purely drug related. Either I am too high to focus or I'm sober and too depressed to focus.
~Panic Attacks. I've had about 3 all out panic attacks in my life. One was directly drug related. The others were related to my social anxiety. Of course I lie to my psychiatrist and make it seem much worse so I can keep getting Klonopin.
~Borderline Personality Disorder. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe this is an Axis II disorder in the DSM IV. An umbrella disorder that can encompass a variety of Axis I disorders (the disorders mentioned above). I went through the diagnostic criteria for this disorder with a psychologist I had been seeing for over 2 years and I fit every one of the possible symptoms. BPD is a controversial diagnosis because it is a quick label to slap on someone with a variety of problems. It is often inaccurately applied to people, as ADD is for convenience.
(ADD side note: read the diagnostic criteria in the DSM IV for ADD/ADHD. The wording used to describe the symptoms is so vague literally ANYONE could be diagnosed with it. I'm not kidding.)
As a drug user I definitely have BPD. Before using drugs I think maybe some of the warning signs were there, but the drugs brought it out full bore.
If I got totally off all substances I wonder if I would return to just having Major Depression and Social Anxiety? Or have the drugs fucked my brain so much that these other diagnoses have merit? It's an interesting question. It is very possible that the BPD started pre-drug with the cutting and goth obsession, and the drugs just escalated it to full blown BPD.
If any of you had the patience to read this whole thing (or even part of it) I would be very interested to hear any comments or questions
