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Worst case scenario. I don't know if she is going to make it. If love can make her live she will be fine. Unfortunately reality has a decided bias towards death in untimely ways.

What is it about tripping that brings out weird situations in the universe? I don't just mean interpreting the world strangely while tripping, I mean objectively strange or intense situations arising after drugs are taken. As if it is not just you that is tripping, but everyone around you and maybe the whole damn cosmos.

Example: the first time I did LSD, I watched a riot unfold in the college town where I used to live. Scattered memories and sensory impressions of that night. Strobing effects around the fires people lit in the streets, bodies elongated silhouetted against the burning couches. A frozen eternity of one second where I saw gas from a tipped over van dangerously near a debris fire the shadows were leaping over. Laughter turned to cackling, a Walpurgisnacht where the witches and demons were let loose (was it Halloween? It may have been). The lines of police forming for a baton charge. Crystalline novas forming where beer bottles burst on shields and helmets. The tear gas from grenades hurled back by bandana clad youth swirling in the cold air to form gaseous origins of stars and planets. Countless milky ways reflecting the stars above - which were somehow visible past the tongues of bonfires and the swarming yellow street lights. shouts, increasingly wrathful, melding together in a kind of song as the rioters faced the marching rows of cops. My prayer for Vicodin to calm my nerves as I flowed through alleys, and my vision zooming in on the imprint code m357 of two pills that manifested in my hand, courtesy of some silent stone sentinel, one of several arranged in a semicircle on a tilted front lawn. A feeling of futility, wondering what was this all for? Just the exploding rage of kids who didn't want to be put to bed by the authorities? And was I any different? After all, I too felt the thrill and threw a rock or two. my garbled thoughts at the time theorizing that somehow, my intake of the drug had, maybe not caused, but at least contributed to the bizarre events of the night.

...because I use a lot of drugs. Not just high dosage, but also a staggering variety of drugs. But I think I am part of the drug solution by being a good person who doesn't steal, cheat, lie, swindle, etc. to fund their habit. I work 2 jobs and have hobbies outside of drug use. even though I use hard drugs I don't use them every day.

The real drug problem isn't that people are using fentanyl and such. The real drug problem is that drugs are illegal. Illegality keeps the prices high and the quality low, which in turn causes people to steal to fund their habit, lands then in jail for the victimless crime of possession, stigmatizes them and prevents them from seeking help if they want it, the stigma also leads to consequences like losing a job or housing if one's drug use becomes known, contributes to harmful side effects from bad cuts, and leads to overdoses from impure or unexpectedly strong shit. Some drugs do inherently cause harm to mind and body if they are abused, it is true. But almost every negative consequence of drug use is caused by illegality! and the war on drugs cannot be won, nor do law enforcement want it to be won bc then they'd lose their government funding! Furthermore a lot of industries, like private prisons, supply chains for prisons, firearms, alcohol, supply chains for law enforcement, etc. make a lot of money off the drug war, so they lobby for laws that harshly and unfairly penalize users. Addiction is a medical problem to be solved by medical care, and a social problem to be solved by fundamental improvements to society, not a legal problem to be solved by jailing users.

I want people to look at me and say, "there's a happy dude who lives a productive life while still using drugs. Maybe drug use doesn't inherently ruin your life. I should rethink some of my views on drugs and the war on drugs." Be the change, ya know?

The purpose of life is too live

Today is shot day. I'm not happy about it. I never was.
Invega for 12 years almost which I figured is somewhere around 50,000mg of invega overtime.
Seem ridiculous cuz it it. When you have no say or control over what goes into your body, its tyranny simply put.
When you have a health problem and seek attention, that is healthcare, or how it's supposed to work.
When nurses and doctors manipulate your body to force injections onto you, that is not healthcare.
My dad keeps making appointments and I have to ask, why are you doing this.
He would probably say something like I need it.
Mind your own fucking business. Leave me alone.
If that's what it takes to get the big prize, is it worth it?
There are 10,000 ways to win the game, and this is what you chose.

437317800 mid

I want to wish all my fellow alphabet people a happy Pride month this year.

Should someone change to diazapam if trying to taper off clonozopam especially if they have a absolutely ridiculous tolerance .would a doctor in the UK help.my friend is worried they will ignore him and think he is trying to obtain benzos to abuse them as he dosnt have a proper prescription for existing clonozopam as he is abusing them .he is scared they will send him to cbt which in his opinion is a bad joke when he cant sleep for 2 weeks solid after quiting cold turkey .in his experience uk doctors are cold and disintrested in your plight ,plus it takes upto 4 weeks just to speak to a doctor on the phone but that is the nhs ,unless your pregnant ,elderly or been in a car wreck they want nothing to do with you ,I am trying to help him but it's near impossible.any help or someone who has been in a similar situation in uk would be much appreciated.
Thank you

Don't waste your time arguing about stupid shit. Don't waste a single day being angry about nothing. You just never know.... Ali has endocarditis. Its not good. I'm scared. I can't live without her. If your religious please pray. If your not and are able a cash app gift would be most appreciated. Or just good vibes and a private message

"There are decades where nothing happens but then weeks where decades happen."V Lenin.

This last month feels like one of those weeks where decades happened. We saw the end of Pax Americana. We saw the US abandon Ukraine with an ambush in the oval office. Make no mistake champagne was uncorked in Beijing and Moscow that night. From London to Kiev a new reality is slowly setting in NATO is dead. Democracy is on the run as the US looks inward towards a most uncertain future.

The time for silence is over. This is a time for action. one Of my favorite political quotes. Told by a lady who was about to be beheaded at 21 years old by the nazis. Because she stood up and was heard. Fascists cant stand the truth that is there crypotonite.
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/801549.Sophie_Scholl

The real damage is done by those millions who want to 'survive.' The honest men who just want to be left in peace. Those who don’t want their little lives disturbed by anything bigger than themselves. Those with no sides and no causes. Those who won’t take measure of their own strength, for fear of antagonizing their own weakness. Those who don’t like to make waves—or enemies. Those for whom freedom, honour, truth, and principles are only literature. Those who live small, mate small, die small. It’s the reductionist approach to life: if you keep it small, you’ll keep it under control. If you don’t make any noise, the bogeyman won’t find you. But it’s all an illusion, because they die too, those people who roll up their spirits into tiny little balls so as to be safe. Safe?! From what? Life is always on the edge of death; narrow streets lead to the same place as wide avenues, and a little candle burns itself out just like a flaming torch does. I choose my own way to burn.

Click to expand...

Sophie Scholl

I would of done anything for you before. All you had to do was say the word. Trust was not even a conscious thought it just was. Our connection was all consuming. Now. Now I wake up dreading seeing you. Our every interaction I know is going to be adversarial. I dread the words that'll come out of both of our mouths. Angry hateful words. Wtf happened,? Can this be fixed?

I know I have to stand up too you I know I have to hit you back. I know I need to hurt you like you hurt me. Make you think twice before you make it physical. But that's not an answer to saving our relationship. That's not an answer to anything.

So tonight I'm not going back. You want the apartment. You can have it. Without me. Without my drugs. Without my money. Without my love. Let's see if you even care

Our love story was not written in the stars. It was not influenced by unseen gods and goddesses. It was not a fairytale with a happy ending. No it was written with our blood and tears and built with our hands. One brick at a time we built it higher day by day never knowing exactly what a finished product should look like or function as. So we dreamed and we schemed we argued and reconciled. We begged borrowed and stole when it was necessary. This mother fucking relationship is our product. Our vision. Our dream. Together we did amazing things.

I'm not sure if it's really the end or not. I have to say it feels like it might be. If it is then I'll be sad. I'll be devastated. But in the long term I'll look back and be grateful. We should be proud.

Guest blog written by my lovely wife

So....as I sit here and sweat it out for a couple more hours, I take the time to mourn.. here's to the ones that have gone before me. The lucky ones, the ones who are remembered through rose colored lenses. This post is for them, and although I didn't physically die...there are still the many versions of myself I haphazardly give day in and day out to this "miracle" drug..but you want to know the truth? They knew what they were doing, they willingly went to their graves. Ive seen some of the biggest baddest strongest of individuals give themselves over to the pine box, to reckless behaviors. To the needle in their arms. How i see it? They were the lucky ones. The rest of us? The poor souls who are still around sitting in those same parking lots by the dealers, chasing that same dragon? We are the ones who suffer mercilessly..Who needs to physically die when every day you die? you give all the could have been, would have been versions of yourself to just put a little more in the spoon. Too just feel normal for a few more hours

Hi I've recently been prescribed diazapam 10mg from Pakistan.it seems to work and passes the taste test but its making me feel very energetic ,which I like.is this normal
Thanks

Strychnos nux vomica L.
Family: Loganiaceae

THE PLANT AND ITS DISTRIBUTION

The tree grows wild in tropical and semi-evergreen forests of central India.

It is a deciduous tree with short spines and thin, grey, smooth bark. Leaves are 7.5-15 cm long, 5—7.5 cm broad, elliptic (Fig. 23A), with numerous greenish white flowers. The fruit is globose, 2.5—7.5 cm and orange when ripe. The seed is (Fig. 23B) discoid concave on one side, convex on the other, up to 2.5 cm in diameter and covered with brown grey, silky hair, radiating from the centre. The seed is leathery and very difficult to powder.


USES IN FOLKLORE AND AYURVEDA

Mitigation of seed

The seed is very bitter and highly poisonous but some people get addicted to it and tolerate the lethal dose. For use in Ayurvedic preparations, it is partially detoxified by any of the following methods:

1By boiling in equal quantities of milk and water, removing emerging cotyledons (said to be poisonous) when soft. The hot soft kernel turns hard on cooling, so these seed are boiled again until soft enough to pulverize.

2Cow’s urine is used in place of water and the seed is allowed to remain in it for a number of days until soft enough for crushing.

3The seed is put in clean clay soil and allowed to remain in it until soft.

4The easiest method for powdering the seed is to heat it in ghee in an iron pan over a mild heat until the outer skin of the seed turns red brown. Remove the outer skin and powder the kernel.

5The seed is turned into dust-like powder using iron files.

6In south India (Shanvaskhan, 1997) seed are boiled with rice and water for three hours. When they are cooked, after removal of seed coat, they are chopped into small pieces and immersed in the juice of Chenopodium ambrosiodes for 3 hours and finally boiled in a decoction of Semecarpus anacardium seed.

These mitigation treatments deplete the alkaloid concentration (Agrawal and Joshi, 1977), without changing their composition (Bhanu and Vasudevan, 1977).

A dose of 30–60 mg of mitigated nux vomica is commonly given, sometimes it may be increased to 125 mg, but it may stimulate the heart at this dose and may be lethal.

The major uses of processed nux vomica are:

As an antidote to poisons

It is an antidote to lead poison, rabid dog bites, snakebites and opium overdose.


For wasting diseases

For wasting diseases in infants and children, mitigated nux vomica is given along with powder of dry liver and kuchla oil.


As a general stimulant

In Ayurveda, it is considered hot in effect and a stimulant for intellectuals and students, etc. It stimulates the respiratory system, neuromuscular system and makes the heart strong. It also helps lethargy of generative organs.


For the digestive system

For indigestion due to physiological weakness and for constipation, it is a drug of choice. It is used in obesity, as it burns fat from the liver. Nux vomica helps cases of acute gastric disturbance, when the patient’s stools are watery, the patient has acute thirst, the stool is blood coloured (as in piles) or if the urge to pass stools and urine persists but regular movement is not there. It strengthens the stomach and digestive system by contractions of the alimentary canal.


For gynaecological problems

It relieves backache, delayed menstruation, dysmenorrhoea and leucorrhoea, when accompanied by yellow, foetid vaginal discharge.


Contraindications

It should be given in the minimum dose to people who live in solitude and get angry easily, and also to patients who have hyperacidity, acute flatulence, urinary incontinence, inflammation of the urethra, burning urination and nasal haemorrhages.


Toxicity

In the case of toxic symptoms, a leaf paste of Abrus precatorius along with gruel of arrow root (Maranta arundinacea) powder is given.


Ayurvedic preparations

Kuchla oil

MethodHeat 15 g nux vomica seed in 100 ml of sesame oil until seed turns brown, filter and use the oil.

UseFor external application in paralysis and wasting diseases of children. For migraines, make a paste of this oil with equal quantities of cinnamon, or Piper longum root, add cow’s urine and apply.


Navjovan rasa

MethodMacerate 25 g processed nux vomica, 25 g processed iron, 5 g each of ras sindur (red sulphide of mercury), black pepper, long pepper and ginger in ginger juice and make pills of 60 mg each.

UseIt is said to rejuvenate the body. It increases gastric juices so food is digested properly and provides strength to the body, nervous system, and stomach. It helps gastric problems, memory, chronic constipation, migraines or pain in any part of the body.


Laxmivillas ras

MethodTake 75 g processed nux vomica, 75 g borax, 75 g black pepper, 50 g processed iron, 25 g purified sulphur and 12 g purified mercury. Triturate mercury and sulphur, add the powders of all other ingredients along with juice of ginger, followed by the juices of Asparagus, Phyllanthus niruri and Eclipta to saturate the mixture. Dry, repeat this process three times and make pills of 60 mg each.

UseAs a rejuvenator it helps convalescence, wasting diseases, loss of vitality and spermatic liquid. It is a spermatogenic, makes skin look young and healthy and cures indigestion.


THERAPEUTIC INDICATIONS AND PHARMACOLOGICAL
STUDIES

Strychnine stimulates respiratory and vasomotor centres. It has selective action on the central nervous system (CNS), more particularly on bone marrow. Small doses produce vasodilation. By its action on the cerebral cortex and peripheral nerves, it exhibits marked hyperactivity. It remains in the alimentary tract for a long time and exerts its influence on digestive system by gradual absorption.

Furukawa et al. (1985) observed that strychnine has direct depressant effect on the heart and inhibits the release of acetylcholine.

Panda and Panda (1993) tested its anti-gastric and anti-ulcer activity and found its effect equivalent to that of cimetidine.


Chemical studies

The seed has 1.8 to 2 per cent of total alkaloids, 42 per cent fatty oil and α-amyrin. The seed ratio of strychnine to brucine varies from 2 : 1 to 1 : 1. It is said that during germination or during treatments with aqueous fluids (mitigation), strychnine disappears whilst brucine, which occurs in the outer cells of the endosperm, is gradually converted into strychnine.


Toxicological studies

Large doses of nux vomica cause tetanic convulsions and eventually death results. Even with safe doses there may be some mental derangement.


References

Agrawal, V.K., Joshi, D. (1977) Effect of purification (Shodhna) on the alkaloidal concentration of kuchla seeds (Strychnos nux-vomica Linn). Journal of Research in Indian Medicine Yoga and Homoeopathy, 12, 43–45.

Bhanu, M.N., Vasudevan, T.N. (1989) Studies on sodhna of nux-vomica, Indian Drugs, 26, 150–152.

Furukawa, Y., Saegusa, K., Chiba, S. (1985) Suppression of strychnine on the two chronotropic and inotropic effects in the isolated blood perfused canine atrium. Japanese Journal of Pharmacology, 38, 439–441.

Panda, P.K., Panda, D.P. (1993) Anti-ulcer activity of nux vomica and its comparison with cimetidine in Shay rat. Indian Drugs, 30, 53–56.

Shanavaskhan, A.E., Binu, S., Unnithan, M.D., Santhoshkumar, E.S., Pushpagandan, P. (1997) Detoxification techniques of traditional physicians of Kerala, India on some toxic herbal drugs. Fitoterapia, 68, 69–74.


Rasayana: Ayurvedic Herbs for Longevity and Rejuvenation. H. S. Puri, 2002, Taylor & Francis. ISBN: 9780203216569. 31. Kuchla (Strychnos nux vomica), pgs. 175–179

In my world there are no limits or laws
Kill the police before we're all robots
Kill the police
Kill the whole force
Smash the system
Destroy the courts


activity on this account, for the feds only of course

Anybody who knows me knows I'm one of those people who's big on anniversaries. I think a lot about the past as it is, so in a way I suppose it's natural for me to mark them. Point is I tend to be someone who always knows it's someone's birthday, or the day someone died, or how.long it's been since something significant happened.

And tonight is something of a significant anniversary for me. It's 12 years since I joined bluelight!

Not 12 years on bluelight of course, I essentially left bluelight 3 years ago and have only posted a couple dozen times since then. But in a different way bluelight never entirely left my life. It's stayed with me in the amazing people I found through it.

I'd name them but there so many and I wouldn't wanna leave anyone out and I'm kinda high right now so I probably would.

That was always the thing I most enjoyed about this place, trying to help people and getting to know the interesting and amazing and fascinating people on it. I've long felt that people are the most important thing we live for. It honestly feels to me like every person is a miracle because they are all unique and around for so very brief a time. Which is why I cherish the great people I know and am saddened to think about how many other amazing people are out there that I will never met, who's paths will never cross with mine.

I know it's very easy to be cynical about people, people can be very difficult sometimes, they can be frustrating. I can sympathize with people who don't like people because there's no denying that as a people we are deeply flawed.

It's easy to not notice all the great things about people simply because it's just how it's always been. Every day people show selfless concern for others, every day people donate to charities or try and help friends family and strangers alike.

For nearly a year I was a homeless panhandler, it was one of the primary ways I supported my heroin habit at its worst. And while there's no denying that I saw some real uglyness. People who'd try and find reasons to get on my case, accuse me of faking being homeless. People who'd call the police on me. I had people throw things at me, I had guys offering money propositioning me (in a country with legal professional prostitution, so ask yourself why they'd seek out a girl begging on the street).

But, I could never have supported such an expensive habit if there weren't also so many good people in the world. People who wanted to help when they see someone so desperate. The problem is people often don't notice all the good in people, leaving only bad.

Even a lot of "bad" people don't believe they're bad, they have their reasons, they have their good sides, they're complicated. I think if you really look at the people around you, that you meet in real life away from the distorted reflection we get on the internet and media, you find that true evil, while it does exists, is acrually quite rare in people.

To me life is about the people we share it with, and bluelight brought many such people into my life that I'm happy to still have in my life years after I stopped being active here.

So, what am I saying? I'm saying look out for each other. Remember how short life is, the people who matter so much to you, and you to them. Saddly some of the people bluelight brought into my life have died, one will be having his death anniversary in a couple days. The universe is so big, so long, and we are so small and exist as barely a moment in time. Completely unique, one of a kind, and then seemingly gone forever.

Never take people for granted, don't take yourself for granted. We are all priceless. It might sound corny but I truly do believe that.

I sit here everyday staring at the computer screen. I go from bluelight to opiophile to grind factor to reddit. Read up on the new threads see if anything interesting has happened to anyone. I havent left this tiny house in weeks stuck here a prisoner of convienance. It makes my parents feel safe that I can't leave. They would rather me sit here than have a life. They say at least hey know I'm not using this way. I just wanna die. I mean what would be the differance? I'm already dead inside. The only thing I look forward to is sleeping. I live my life in my dreams. In my dreams I go to concerts I meet girls I get laid occasionally. It's the highlight of my day.

I live on a farm 50 miles from civilization from a job from my friends. My only escape is living on the street and Alabama is not a great place to be on the street. But I don't wanna talk about that. This is my blog not the dark side I shouldn't have to justify why things are how they are. No one understands my situation better than me. I just wish things where different. Haven't I been punished enough for being sad?

I've tried to understand myself better, especially recently as I've been branching out a lot in methods to perhaps finally break through my depression, at least a little. Part of that is trying to understand why the non-chemical methods failed. I would try to understand them better as well, but I think that would require a lot more genetic testing as well as research that simply doesn't yet exist, so it makes more sense to focus on other things.

Therapy is one thing I've been in and out of throughout my entire life. I remember when I was a child, I hated all of my therapists for being "too happy." I suppose that basically means I felt they were fake and could never understand my perspective on life. Realistically, they probably couldn't. Not many people run into someone with so many mental issues who has one digit to their age but hasn't experienced any kind of neglect or obvious trauma. It was the 90s and early 2000s, so I imagine the idea of C-PTSD was still not super out there and well understood, and forget the idea of "developmental trauma disorder." They would have still been looking at trauma as one big event, which you could never find with me.

As an adult, I had difficulty connecting to and being honest with therapists. In part because of the fake persona they often put on. I always felt like therapy was infantilizing. I was being spoken to like a fragile child. And sure, I am fragile about certain things, but it's never destroyed me. The issue is that therapists are all terrified of their clients showing strong emotions, and it's all for liability reasons. I start crying and trying to explain how I'm feeling and why, and they freak out. I had to talk a relatively new therapist out of involuntarily committing me over something like this. It's so stupid to have emotions of sadness replaced by absolute panic when I realize she's looking through her papers because she's scared I'm going to kill myself and doesn't remember the process for imprisoning people against their will when they've committed no crime.

Another therapist actually coerced me into agreeing to be voluntarily committed about 10 minutes into a session. Because of course, if it's involuntary, you have to stay an extra two days. But this was worse -- he also told me that they don't have a social worker on the weekend, which is when those three days would be up, so I would actually have to stay an additional two days beyond that. I later found out that the social worker had actually called my mother and told her they really had no reason to keep me there. Lovely.

These experiences enough could probably stop anyone from being honest with their therapists. It doesn't help that I have substance abuse issues (and was deep into them when etizolam was legal everywhere), and we all know what types of limitations and mistrustful looks you start to get from providers if they find out. But my own mistrust of these types of people probably started even earlier.

I had a lot of health problems when I was young. These were probably the things that triggered my major depression when I was so young. I went to many doctors, trusting that they would be professional, take me seriously, and make me better. Instead, I had a doctor yell at me, accusing me of lying just because he couldn't find a reason for my issues. I had an MS specialist at the Mayo Clinic tell me to my face that kids don't get MS (keep in mind the Mayo already had a whole ass program for kids with MS, what the actual fuck). I had tons of painful tests. The spinal taps were usually the worst, but I also had a CT scan that went very badly. My memories of it are all twisted and wrong, but apparently what happened was the contrast and some other thing they injected were causing me too many weird feelings, and my gall bladder or something was being made to contract from one of them as well. All of these frightening, painful tests and I never got any answers. Fuck, one of the spinal taps I had they literally lost the fluid from, so it was truly suffering I went through for fucking nothing.

Physical doctors had already betrayed my trust horribly. Then a psychiatrist put me on celexa, which ruined my brain. I don't know if it had made me manic or something, but I was a ball of rage that would truly have murdered had I the strength or tools to. I need to emphasize here that I am not exaggerating that. The psychiatrist thought I just had anger management problems and needed to go to therapy for that, and also be on an even higher dose of celexa, a dose that was higher than a child of my weight would ever typically be on. He never did take me off the med. My mother did. And when it was fully out of my system I was back to being fully depressed, but now I had insane guilt about everything horrible I'd done while on the SSRI. I had insane anxiety about socializing, because I was afraid I might be annoying people and after all the shit I pulled I did not have the right to even be a minor inconvenience to anyone.

All of these people have just fucked me over time and time again. I didn't realize it sooner, I think, because I tend to think of therapists in a separate category from psychiatrists and doctors, seeing as they have very different training and responsibilities. But in a way, they are categorically the same. They are supposed experts in their fields who have tools to help you get better with your ailment(s). And every last one of them has let me down, at best. At worst, they've destroyed years of my life and caused something that sure as fuck looks like trauma to me. I can't talk about the medical shit I've referenced here without crying. It doesn't matter how I feel about it in the moment, I will cry. I am crying.

I don't know how I can ever start to legitimately trust any of these people again. I lie to them all the time to protect myself, I never open up to them about how I really feel or what I'm truly struggling with. I manipulate them to give me things I know will be helpful for me on a symptomatic level, because how could I ever just tell them the truth or let them lead my treatment, after what they've done to me?

So, I have eleven years of clean time, and I do participate in NA. They are great, along with my therapy and Reiki healer. I do one of each per week. There are still several areas in life where I feel stuck. As far as I'm concerned, I see nothing wrong with using shrooms or LSD for therapeutic purposes only. So much time has passed since I have been part of a drug culture. In 2013 and before, I would have been able to find a hallucinogen eventually. Sometimes I feel stuck in my anger at my aunt and uncle for being an obstacle to my financial freedom. It makes me fucking furious. The problem is unless I traveled to Oregon, which is another state away, I would have no idea where to buy some mushrooms. So anyway, they might help me get unstuck in areas of my life because I know how to access my spiritual guide, what questions to ask, and perhaps may find some relief from trapped energy. In the past, (except for the last time in 2006) taking shrooms was about getting high, but today it would be for a completely different reason. I know if this rage could be released, I might be able to find some solution. Without the trapped anger, circumstances sometimes change as well. For now, I have to go the slow route, meaning traditional court dates, lawyers, and judges. The problem is that this shit takes fucking forever, and the system is stacked against those of us that have limited funds. I shouldn't have to be going through this, but I am. I was pleased to hear my uncle avoided coming to my house to run an estate sale. Trust and believe I would have asked my aunt and uncle hard questions, and it would have been my pleasure to make them uncomfortable. They deserve such treatment, and I deserve to get some answers from them. So, that said I decided to get all the shit I want out of the house that I can use in my apartment on January 3. The estate sale is supposed to be set up Monday-Thursday. The actual sales are on Friday and Saturday. If I had known that I would NOT be receiving any money from these proceeds, then I never would have agreed to it. My douchebag uncle gets to control everything unless he gets removed by a judge. I am going to send my lawyer an email saying I want to cancel the estate sale and just leave a huge mess for my uncle to deal with on his own. Lawyer will most likely tell me to have it anyway because that money is supposedly going into a trust for my benefit, but what damn good does that do me if I cannot access any of it for rent? My new apartment is $3000/month, but my uncle refuses to disperse any funds for rent or moving. I would love to beat the crap out of him. I'm not sure how this situation will play out, but I wanted to have a modest living and use the savings for emergencies, but he is fucking that up for me. Due to this situation, I get flooded with anger all over again.

The vomiting isn't guaranteed.


It’s happen quite often actually. Personally, I have probably vomited only 2 times in my last 200 ceremonies, haven’t vomited nor felt nauseous for more than 100 ceremonies now. I felt much more nausea and vomited more often in my earlier days, so there might be a connection. Maybe you have purged out a lot of stuff that needs to get cleared by vomiting, I would not make a rule out of it though.

I never know what my next ceremony will be like, surprise seems to be the only constant

Bollomir, May 27, 2024, https://www.reddit.com/r/Ayahuasca/s/uPUPZNw5qw


I have no idea why I don’t purge. I often feel like I might, but then I don’t. I clean out in other ways, certainly. My late husband was the same way. He must have drunk ayahuasca thousands of times and he never purged, not even once. He used to faint, though. I throw up when I have food poisoning or the stomach flu, so it isn’t like my body can’t do it. I find it completely mysterious.

Golden_Mandala, Jul 12, 2024,


In addition, during the session, some people have cramps, shake, or feel pain in various parts of the body, usually those parts that need healing.

All these symptoms that may appear dreadful are in fact a blessing; they add depth to the experience. The emetic and cathartic properties of ayahuasca may be associated with an inner cleansing process by which participants can rid themselves of bad habits, negative emotions, traumas, and so on. Ayahuasca may indeed be a detoxifying agent. After a series of sessions, one woman found that her blood levels of mercury poisoning had decreased drastically. When the session is over, participants very often report that they feel purified. This adds to the next morning’s feeling of inner peace and clarity.

Inner Paths to Outer Space: Journeys to Alien Worlds through Psychedelics & Other Spiritual Technologies. Rick Strassman MD, Slawek Wojtowicz, Luis Eduardo Luna Ph.D, Ede Frecska. 2008. 5. The Varieties of the Ayahuasca Experience. Ayahuasca's Physicality (Luna)


Many emetics arent toxic. Just because something makes you puke doesnt mean its toxic. Emetics are usually used to treat toxic ingestions, not to cause toxic reactions themselves.

Tannins in the Ayahuasca can most certainly make you puke. But everyones body is different, so what dose makes one person puke wont necessarily cause another person to puke. But emetic reactions are not the only reason people puke on Ayahuasca - energy has a big part to do with it. I have seen Ayahuasca shamans make a patiant puke just from such intense energy work even though the patiant didnt take any plants themselves. I've also seen people feel fine for hours after drinking then suddenly puke way later when some big energy came up. If you get more experienced with Ayahuasca you quickly learn that while the physical brew might make people purge sometimes, a lot of purging happens from other reasons like emotions and energy that need to be released.

I have drank huge doses without nausea before and have also purged heavily from tiny doses when there was a lot of energy to release. If you try to understand Ayahuasca on only doses and physical chemical reactions you will never understand it, because there is so much more to it then that.

MapachoCura, Jul 13, 2024,


Here is a relevant quote about mescaline:

Charles Savage was convinced—this the first real argument I had with him—that mescaline was an emetic. I said, “No, it's not an emetic. It's just that people get into things that make them sick. But if the experience is conducted right, that can be avoided and those things resolved without their throwing up.” Well, he didn't agree with me, but I don't think we ever had a person throw up, in all our foundation's work.

Higher Wisdom: Eminent Elders Explore the Continuing Impact of Psychedelics. Walsh R, Grob CS (editors). 2005. 3. Myron Stolaroff


This LSD study is also relevant. It says that out of 42 treatments, vomiting was only experienced 3 times:

Experimental physiological studies with lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD-25). Forrer GR, Goldner RD. AMA Arch Neurol Psychiatry. 1951 May;65(5):581-8. doi: 10.1001/archneurpsyc.1951.02320050038004.

See ‘Results’.


In this video, the guru says that psychedelics “don't have any side effects”, and this claim is remarkable as she also conveys that she isn't an advocate of psychedelics:

Technow Savvy Programs for Progress in Meditation: Are They Effective? (1:57). Anandmurti Gurumaa, YouTube, Jul 9, 2009


Video description of a video about ayahuasca purging:

Do you always have to vomit during Ayahuasca?. Maria Johanna, YouTube, Aug 15, 2019

When people think about Ayahuasca, they often think that purging is always part of the experience. But this is definitely not true! Not everyone has to vomit during their Ayahuasca experience. I would say that 50% of the participants have to purg, and the other half do not. Another thing is that purging in a Ceremony is not the same as when you’re ill. It’s a different experience. It helps you to release, to let go and to go deeper. A lot of people experience purging during a Ceremony even as comforting!

The healing medicines

Ayahuasca is an healing medicine. It’s not something you do for fun. It’s serious business. And for most people it’s a life-changing experience. When people want to do Ayahuasca for the first time, I recommend them to do 2 days in a row. That’s because many times the first Ceremony is all about cleaning up and also throwing up.

Cleaning to open up

There are several reasons why it can be that you have to vomit during an Ayahuasca Ceremony. It can be that your body has to be cleansed before you can open the portals that lead you deeper inside for the experience that you need. Your body is not used to go that deep. When you purg, you raise your frequency and you open up your consciousness and your true potential.

Surrender

It can also be the case that you have difficulties to surrender, that you want to be in control. The purging can help you to surrender. You throw up to surrender to the medicines. Sometimes people are fighting against the medicines, against thier journey, because they want to stay in control. They are fighting until they finally throw up and in so many cases people have after the vomiting they have the most wonderful experience they could ever imagine.

Healing work

But one of the most important reasons for purging during an Ayahuasca Ceremony is because you are doing healing work. We all are carrying trauma. Even if you’re not aware of it. There have been moments in your life, when you could not express the emotions that you were feeling at that moment. Ayahuasca can lead you back, into your past and let you re-experience these events. The emotions of these past experiences are still stuck in your body and by throwing up, you can heal this and let go of it forever. This could have to do with a trauma from the past, certain behavior or even addictions. It can also be the case that you have blockages in your system and therefore you can’t love yourself enough. And by releasing these blockages you can love yourself more.

Other ways of releasing

The energy can also choose another way to clean the body or release emotions. In that case it could be that you suddenly have to go to the toilet. It can also be that you sweat a lot during your experience or that strong breathing is helping you. In all cases these things occur to help you to clean and/or release.

Don’t be scared to throw up

I would really like to point out to you, that you don’t have to be scared to come to an Ayahuasca Ceremony because of the vomiting that could be part of your experience. Purging is just a moment. Many participants say it is such a relieve to purge during an Ayahuasca Ceremony. And they feel they can release something and they feel just wonderful. So, you don’t have to be scared for throwing up. And remember, it’s good to choose the path where you fear is, because when you go beyond your fear, is exactly the place where you set yourself free.

This whole estate foolishness is still going on. I curse the fact that I never thought to ask Mom to update the trust. Uncle Shitty is still in charge, but my lawyer and I are in the process of getting him removed. This whole thing has been a joke. I can't believe a word that either he or his lawyer says. My aunt and uncle are no longer talking to me, but I say good riddance. All because they want to control or get money from my inheritance. The process is infuriating, and I cannot believe that I am tethered to a couple of assholes. I wasted no time going about the process of getting an apartment. It took a minute, but it's all ready to move into. I got a two bedroom, two bath so that I could have a bit more room to put some of Mom's furniture in. I also have two cats that will be moving with me. The new part of my life is exciting on one hand, but sad on the other. This house has been a part of my history on and off since 1977. So, mom is gone, the house will soon be gone, and I continue to fight for my financial security. I move out of my house and into my apartment on January 3rd. I will miss the security of my house, but at least I don't have to go through this process loaded. I am more lucid now that I was getting loaded and have more choices available. If I were getting loaded, it would have been so much easier for uncle shitty to take what's mine. That said, sobriety isn't always fun, but harder for others to pull the wool over my eyes.

This thread is for gathering information relatable to the anti-psychotic medication Invega.

Feel free to provide relevant information. You will not be banned or blocked for spam.

Peace and Love! And God bless you.

This is a copy of my strychnine thread on The Shroomery. It was deleted by a mod, along with other posts of mine about strychnine.

I also made a thread about strychnine on this site:

Strychnine's association with peyote and LSD

s240779 said:
Although strychnine is primarily known as a poison, it has an interesting history of medicinal use in low doses, especially in Asia.

“Strychnine and brucine although being toxic in nature have remarkable therapeutic action.”[1]

I first became interested in strychnine after reading someone's posts about it on Bluelight. The person says it's his "favorite stimulant", "favorite nootropic, and it works wonders as far as the potentiation of psychedelics." He even says it's "extremely similar to a non-hallucinogenic dose of acid".[2] Just recently, I came across two more user reports of strychnine, as well as historical information about its use as a drug rather than a poison. This motivated me to buy a cheap Nux vomica tincture from India and try it. My experience was in accord with the person quoted. I was very impressed with the effect, although for me it was primarily somatic, with only a hint of a psychological effect, so not spectacular, like he says. However, I also get very disappointing results from cocaine and amphetamines (i.e. weak mood elevation, short duration, and a bad crash), because I'm severely depressed, so that may have weighed down on the effect of strychnine. Regardless, I found the effect to be much better than nothing and I can't wait to get more. I've found that Nux vomica extract is sold for cock fighting roosters, so there's no need to order it from overseas.

I'm very excited about this because it's exactly what I was looking for: a cheap, legal substance that has a substantial effect. I bet it synergizes with a low dose of harmine or harmaline. I don't like their effects in substantial doses, but I do like them in very low doses. Such doses are good when combined with a psychedelic, but too faint by themselves. Strychnine may serve as a substitute for the psychedelic.

Check out my Bluelight thread for more info about strychnine: Strychnine's association with peyote and LSD


1. TLC Determination of Strychnine and Brucine of Strychnos nux vomica in Ayurveda and Homeopathy Drugs. Rathi A, Srivastava N, Khatoon S, Rawat A. Chromatographia 67(7):607-613, Apr 2008. DOI: 10.1365/s10337-008-0556-z

2. Viṣakaṇṭha, Nov 23, 2013. All his posts about it are on this page:

https://www.bluelight.org/community...-as-a-motivational-boost.503184/post-11972780

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Asante said:
This has my interest for decades, I'd love to pick up a gram of strychnine nitrate. For obvious reasons the pure product is hard to come by.

People have gotten cramps from as little as 5mg, you have to keep the dose painstakingly low.

It lowers your convulsive threshold.

Be very careful with this, its a horrid poisoning if you take too much.

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s240779 said:
I know. I already took too much. I described my experience on page 2 of that thread. Why strychnine nitrate?

Many overseas chemical companies sell strychnine and there's even a U.S. one that seems to be willing to sell it to anyone provided they pay an extra $70.

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TrancedOutBrah said:
What's it feel like kinda? Any other drug somewhat similar to it in terms of feeling?

The dosage makes or breaks it. I had never heard of anyone using this recreationally or for productivity

Sounds like a horrible way to poison yourself. Wouldn't be the first time I've nearly killed myself from being stupid

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s240779 said:
Based on my one positive experience, primarily somatic, like the body highs of LSD and an opioid combined (it has kind of a metallic feel), and a hint of mental clarity. It's good, but not psychological enough for me, which is why I think harmalas would complete it (and vice versa, cuz, as I said, desirable doses of harmalas are too faint for me).

When I first got it, I did only tiny doses, of course, which didn't induce a noticeable effect...except when I dozed off: I started having mild convulsions in my sleep. They shook me awake! It was pleasant cuz it was so mild, it was like, don't doze off 'til it's time to go to bed! Seems like a great way to stay energized throughout the day! It's also so interesting that it was only when dozing off that my body became sensitive enough to its activity at such a dose.

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TrancedOutBrah said:
Have you tried Harmine by itself?

I meant to make a new batch yesterday but didn't get around to it.

Not sure what you mean by feint tho. I had a full on trip on 4g of rue with tracers like I've never seen before and quite euphoric at times. Did get nauseous and puke in the beginning but that all subsided with some ginger and peppermint then became enjoyable.

After experiencing that, I cut out Harmaline and now have tried just Harmine and experienced no nausea, tracers+clean euphoria. I was surprised to learn it has a reverse tolerance even

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s240779 said:

TrancedOutBrah said:
Have you tried Harmine by itself?

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Yeah, 99% pure from China.

TrancedOutBrah said:
Not sure what you mean by feint tho. I had a full on trip on 4g of rue

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I'm saying, the highest dose of harmine that does not give me negative effects is so low that the effect is faint.

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TrancedOutBrah said:
How much was it if you remember by chance?

Interesting that you had a weak experience with it. It's true though that you can def get negative side effects from too much rue though, can be very uncomfortable and in extreme causes life threatening

Strychnine seems interesting though from your description

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s240779 said:
The amount that fits in the bottom of a standard vitamin capsule.

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Asante said:
Strychnine nitrate, atropine sulfate, scopolamine hydrobromide.. those were the salts won from the common extractions.

Of course strychnine HCl is just as good if not better.

It's scary stuff.

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TrancedOutBrah said:

s240779 said:
The amount that fits in the bottom of a standard vitamin capsule.

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Oh sorry I meant $$$ from china

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ShiroiTora said:

Asante said:
People have gotten cramps from as little as 5mg, you have to keep the dose painstakingly low.

It lowers your convulsive threshold.

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For this reason I highly recommendation you not to take strychnine with harmalas. It's not only a neurotransmitter thing, metabolizing enzymes are also involved, and if one of them happens to be the one that metabolizes strychnine you might very well end up taking a lethal dose, no matter how careful you are.

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Bardy said:
Yeah. Taking strychnine by itself is stupid enough, but combining it with harmalas just seems monumentally retarded and self destructive.

I’m sorry for the harsh words, I really am, but I just feel like you have a death wish OP. What do you think there is to gain by taking strychnine? Like seriously? Do you think it’s going to give you an edge over other people? Do you think you’re going to start breaking records and becoming the most productive person you can be? Because don’t we all know that’s a load of shit. Anyone who has ever done stimulants for those reasons knows that is the false promise of stimulants. And this is fucking strychnine man… Jesus. We’re literally talking about taking rat poison right now.

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s240779 said:

ShiroiTora said:
For this reason I highly recommendation you not to take strychnine with harmalas. It's not only a neurotransmitter thing, metabolizing enzymes are also involved, and if one of them happens to be the one that metabolizes strychnine you might very well end up taking a lethal dose, no matter how careful you are.

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In vitro Metabolism of Strychnine by Human Cytochrome P450 and Its Interaction with Glycyrrhetic Acid. (2012). Liu, L., Xiao, J., Peng, Z., Wu, W., Du, P., & Chen, Y. Chinese Herbal Medicines, 4(2), 118-125. DOI: j.issn.1674-6384.2012.02.005

Inhibition of human cytochrome P450 enzymes 3A4 and 2D6 by β-carboline alkaloids, harmine derivatives. (2011). Zhao, T., He, Y., Wang, J., Ding, K., Wang, C., & Wang, Z. Phytotherapy Research, 25(11), 1671-1677. DOI: 10.1002/ptr.3458


But you're not taking dose into account. As you saw, I said I only like very low doses of harmalas, i.e. to add some spice to an orally active psychedelic. Such doses are not sufficient for oral DMT and probably aren't sufficient for much of anything (except an observable "spicing up" of a psychedelic). People never seem to want to take dose into account when evaluating things like this. The MAOI attribute of harmalas is, of course, notorious, and people are always warning that, e.g. MDMA and SSRIs are likely fatal in combo with harmalas, and yet there are reports of these combinations, one of them from Bardy, who posted in this thread.* People act as though these combos are so bad that almost any dose will put you in the hospital or kill you. I, myself, tried both Zoloft and Lexapro with low doses harmalas. I didn't get a negative effect (the Zoloft gave me a potent stimulant effect). To just insist that any dose is bad is unscientific. A much more reasonable reply would be to say start with only a fraction of the dose(s).

edit Now I see that you did take dose into account, cuz you said, "no matter how careful you are". I don't know why you would assume such a thing. These aren't, like, the most powerful things in the world. Why would you just assume that it's so dangerous?


*See the bottom of this post: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/28975090#28975090

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just that. I can feel my iq points dropping. anyone wanna chat?