The eggshell feels I sometimes step on without others noticing

Antares

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2024
Messages
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Something came up with the student tutors about a song and short video I had made (which depicted me singing a song about how Nazis were lame cowards and Hitler was an incomprehensible stimulant addict). I found it for all of them, and off-handedly mentioned I made the video the day I was diagnosed with autism. They just said "that checks out." But I think they missed the part where I said I was raging and mourning my entire life up until that moment and had to get the energy out some type of way.

The thing is, being diagnosed with ASD when you're in your late 20s fucking sucks. There are almost no services they can provide for you if you're a generally competent person. There's therapy, but my previous blog will show some of my issues with therapy. I'm skeptical of how much it can help at this late stage anyway. This is the key problem. I was screened for these sorts of disorders multiple times as a child, and there was just a constant failure on everyone's side to actually follow up and DO the testing. Everyone fucking thought I had it, but I guess they don't make an IEP for people who are just majorly depressive and merely "suspected" to be on the spectrum.

I left the testing in my late 20s crying with grief over what my life could have been like instead, how much fucking sorrow and difficulties could have been avoided. I left the testing site also quivering with rage at how they had let me down at every single point when they should have been taking me aside. Everyone knew I wasn't fucking normal. But they couldn't treat me that way without a diagnosis, and nobody bothered to respond to even my mother's requests about follow up from screenings to get the actual testing done. For all I know, she barely tried and failed me as well. What did I know? I was a child.

I went home so completely full of these horrible feelings of how let down I had been in even just this one aspect. I went home and had to do something to get my energy dealt with. I ripped out the pages of Mein Kampf and poured candle wax all over it to satisfy the part of my that was enraged. I wanted to burn the book entirely, but burning a book in an apartment's walk-in closet didn't seem smart. I sang a silly song mocking Nazis and Hitler while ripping the pages in order to satisfy the part of me that was mourning my own Self.

Despite having no access to the supports that could have had me develop in a more positive way had I got diagnosed early, things happened which could have prevented me from graduating, and then I immediately came realize I was woefully below the standards society had set for me because no amount of intelligence or facts could fix what I was lacking. My life did get better after the diagnosis, for sure. But that was through a coincidence that ended my highly problematic and dangerous coping mechanism of etizolam addiction, and the brute force of a special program for "disabled" people (I don't feel disabled, though, so this never felt right) to bypass the interview process and just try out the job for a certain amount of hours.

I only remember the day I was diagnosed being the same as the day I made that stupid video defacing Mein Kampf while singing about Nazis being losers because it was kind of one of the lowest moments of my life. To just have everyone tell me, "yes, actually, we all failed you. This is why you're so fucked up. Sadly we can't go back in time and help you develop in a more typical way. You're just kinda fucked, sorry."

That leaves me with nothing but a shield I feel disgusted to even use. I wish I could just get caught up in the goofiness of the song and video like everyone else was able to. But its tie to that day kind of ruins it for me. In the actual song with that melody, rather than this joke version, the lyrics are about a deep shame. The kind of shame of who you are at the core of your very being.

Does that mean that I am, at least in part, ashamed of my autism? Yes. Yes it kinda fucking does. It may well be a big factor in my inability to want to stay in this life. How could I possibly have the perspective of those lucky ones that love that about themselves? To me it's the fucking curse that nobody bothered to cure when they had the chance, and now it's embedded into my fucking soul.
 
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Mental illness....So like it's hard to balance the choice to disclose vs your privacy vis a via individual and or social discrimination. In a perfect world no one should care about anyone's diagnosis and it certainly should not cause you to miss out on anything in life. Unfortunately our world is far from a nice enlightened place and you have to be extremely careful about when and how to disclose especially in academic and work situations. This is where a therapist who u trust can really help imo. My advice is if in doubt keep it private
 
The thing is, being diagnoses with ASD when you're in your late 20s fucking sucks. There are almost no services they can provide for you if you're a generally competent person.
I know perfectly what you're talking about. And the therapies for grownups all aim at teaching you how to act like a neurotyoical person so you can fit in. At least the ones I've been told about.
 
What does autism do?

Other than how I engage with hobbies, for me it's mostly like I think and perceive differently. So in socialization, even if I'm doing my very best to mask (basically just suppress myself and imitate neurotypical styles) things do not come out normally. In casual situations this is fine, but it makes professional stuff very difficult. Perception-wise, there are some things in terms of sight, hearing, and touch that I'm a lot more sensitive to. So I wear clothes that have really specific textures since there's a lot that bug me, there are lights that can cause me some issues, and lots of absolutely unbearable sounds.

A lot of sense-related ones aren't very common for me to run into in every day life, since I've found ways to avoid them most of the time, but the struggles with socialization are really rough. You make it through fine in childhood (I think autistic girls often have an advantage in language that helps them through here), but as social stuff became more complicated, and especially after college when trying to get and deal with jobs, I fell way behind in my ability to navigate it. I couldn't keep up. I keep feeling like if I had been diagnosed earlier, the interventions could have pushed my development to be more in line with neurotypical people, and this would have been a little easier. I hate that thought so much.

It's exhausting to pretend and it's not as effective as I need it to be in this world.
 
I can perfectly relate to what you say, for me it's basically the same. I managed quite well, though. Basically because my upbringing wasn't so normal, and I always had a tendency to befriend people who did very well for themselves both socially and professionally. Meaning the popular and successful natural leaders who found me interesting and challenging and therefore took the effort to get to know me.
For everyone else I was just that mysterious person who just observes, until there's something meaning to be done or said. When I finally said something, everyone would listen.

I had a great time, though I never felt like I could be me around others. Many opportunities I had to do things I was curious about I didn't do not because of the obvious risk, or fear of how it would be, but because I had to be in constant control of myself. It was stressful, but I had my coping mechanisms.

Then something happened, and I lost the ability to use those mechanisms and that's when things became very bad for me. I lost all friends I had at that time (not my job, which by then wasn't that good) and I think even my mother couldn't stand me.
That's when I was diagnosed. In what would be the worst year of the COVID pandemic. So I had to go through all the processing by myself.

Now I think it was a good thing. I learned to accept who I am and even embrace it. I don't feel like I have to constantly check myself if I'm being that perfect being everyone looks up to, and listens to whenever I open my mouth.

Now I have to find my back into society, and come up with an idea on how to improve my economical standing (through work, but how, and what)?

See, I never got a job by applying to it directly. I never even rented an apartment by myself (another thing I can't do). But they will come when there might be nobody to do it for me.

Sorry, didn't want to hijack your thread.
What I wanted to say is that maybe not pretending is what makes you more efficient, and most of the times there is more than just the established way to get things done.
 
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