Same life different day

I sit here everyday staring at the computer screen. I go from bluelight to opiophile to grind factor to reddit. Read up on the new threads see if anything interesting has happened to anyone. I havent left this tiny house in weeks stuck here a prisoner of convienance. It makes my parents feel safe that I can't leave. They would rather me sit here than have a life. They say at least hey know I'm not using this way. I just wanna die. I mean what would be the differance? I'm already dead inside. The only thing I look forward to is sleeping. I live my life in my dreams. In my dreams I go to concerts I meet girls I get laid occasionally. It's the highlight of my day.

I live on a farm 50 miles from civilization from a job from my friends. My only escape is living on the street and Alabama is not a great place to be on the street. But I don't wanna talk about that. This is my blog not the dark side I shouldn't have to justify why things are how they are. No one understands my situation better than me. I just wish things where different. Haven't I been punished enough for being sad?

 

Stop being sad, go talk to your people and tell them your going absolutely nuts sitting indoors all day and that if they want you to progress in recovery, you need to have activities, out in the sun. Its amazing how much of a difference it makes not seeing the sun for a day. The physical aspect of W/D's is generally gone in a week. The mental can last for years or even life if you don't go out and find other ways of getting a dopamine release.

The only way i got over my almost 20 years of constant depression is that I finally decided that I would make the greatest effort possible to find happiness. Now when I'm not happy, I am thinking of ways of how to be happy, how to enjoy myself. This is not to say that I am living the sober life, but I no longer sit in dispair, drugging myself to the point of .. not happiness, but.. carelessness? I do a wide assortment of drugs still, but its not to get fucked up and escape, its to supplement my life and add to my activities. Some cases I choose complete sobriety, not from will power or a desire to overcome, but shear preference at that time.

Your brain is much more useful then you give it credit.

.Good Luck Brother.

-HoP-

 

You're free. As an adult, you have the rare luxury of having plenty of time to yourself -- unless your parents are forcing you to work in the fields or something most of the day -- I don't know your situation. You can learn new skills and subjects and to develop your mind and body. If nothing else, you can play games or do sports. I was in a similar situation to your own. I just spent a year in an isolated cabin in the desert in eastern Oregon. I was 30 miles from the nearest town. I was free of all work obligation. I had tons of free time.
I spent much of my time learning new skills and subjects. Every thing from archery, motorcycle repair, and opium farming to fiction writing, astrophysics and higher mathematics.
The worst part was lack of motivation, especially during opiate withdrawal (which I'm going through yet again but it's easy enough to find dope here. Too bad it's tar.).
I really enjoyed the isolation, and I miss it already. But now I'm back in the city. There are people everywhere. And the noise is almost unbearable. And I soon go back to work because money is running low.
I wish I could live the rest of my life in isolation. Anyway, hang in there and try to think of some interesting things to do.

 

Oh how far my life has come since this post. A decade later I live in Minnesota with my wife and 2 cats. A thousand miles and ten long years from that misery