This is something I've pondered for as long as I can remember, in one way or another, since what age 3? Age 4? I have only brief snippets of recollections of various branches of Christians (Jehova's Witnesses, Presbyterian, Catholic, Evangelical, Episcopalian, to what I define as fundamental cult Christians, insisting they had no name, but held traveling tent meetings. While this so called "God" ancient Judiaism/Christians on one hand gush over the divine love and virtues no human could hope to compare to, the contradictions written in The Bible, The Koran, and even Paganism, or any organized "religion"-left me fearful, puzzled, and later as a rebel, angry and challanging many leaders and followers.
I questioned atheists, fundamentalists, Catholics, you name it. Leaders claiming spiritual enlightenment or regarded as such by whatever congregation or clan of followers had indicated I was surely going to hell because God does not want rebels, most especially not a young girl or woman. Priests, ministers, elders, or whatever the hell they called themselves didn't expect the herd to agree. They expect obediance, which is what God wants. I was blatantly acting disobediant of God and was pretty sure I was going to hell, whatever that was, at age 30.
I wanted athiests or even Jehova's Witnesses to be the truth, as neither of them believed or taught that fornicaters and dope fiends or even Hitlers suffer indefinite torment after what we call life here has ceased. I had fully accepted at age 28 and 29, I'd probably be dead sometime in my 33rd year of life, as the painkillers would finally stop my breathing, heart, or kidneys and then finally this hell. Suicide by oblivion (pills/carbon mo poison) soo seductive, but if the atheists and JW preaching I feared was wrong, I'd be fucked. I researched, and researched, questioned any and everyone.
The research, years, questioning and seeking thus far in my heart of hearts says to me the money, materials, sex, unquesting obediance to any person, is not of God. In fact, "God" is just that--perfect, flawless, not of form, certainly not of ego. Humans are all flawed, and while any faith may have had good intentions--the nature of humanity through out history demonstrates egos take over and that's that. Narcotics Anonymous called them defects of character. Quantuum physics, from what I understand anyway, matter, dark matter, the Universe, bodies were all created from thought, but the laws of physics regarding form is forever changing and finite.
"God" I define as energy of the highest vibrational frequency pure, constant, love/joy, wheras we experience an existence called duality. If you think I'm out in left field, no surprise, I am but "The Holographic Universe" "The Disappearance of the Universe," "Why God Will Not Go Away," "A Course in Miracles" to name a few use science and spirituality/faith to explain in vivid detail how it is that God did NOT create the world, and It certainly did NOT create finite bodies. We are actually not REALLY here, but this thing called ego, kinda like a non entity force we bought into, has us tricked into this collective "Mind" that has divided.
Before the Universe and perhaps the Universe before this one that existed, and however far back, "we" were simply unidivided, as one in and with "God" or "It." You all no doubt reading this must think I'm a babbling fool. I don't even claim I'm right and that's it. It's very difficult to efficiently explain or even to begin an attempt to grasp the concept of what the fuck I'm talking about. I can only suggest, check out those books, read some of the other Gospels that the church elders tried to destroy such as the Gospels of Judas and Mary. Trying to answer your question as to why religions act controlling and demand what they do from followers--is because the true source is not from love or God, but it's of ego the world of the finite.
In closing, I fail every day, but try to forgive the evils of what is not really "us." Easier said than done, but bringing unconscience guilt and looking at it with "It" spiritual guide, helps the healing eliminating the need for trying to rid our own hate by projecting violence onto others, as the ego says thats how to be rid of it. Throwing hate outward to me is equivalent to throwing a bucket of dung over others scattered everywhere, but the shit eventually comes back. Practicing forgiveness is really about healing your own fractured, shattered pieces and once that's done, we don't have to be "here" or appear to reincarnate anymore.
The Disappearance of the Universe and A Course in Miracles say simply God did NOT create the world. From my perspective, it sure as fuck explains alot. How indeed could such pain, torment, and sickness that is the human race, certainly fallable be created from perfection? Love can only create love. I'm gonna shut up now.
". Then we chatted a bit, like he asked me where I'm from, etc. He asked who I was going with. (I didn't know if that also meant asking if I had a boyfriend.) I wasn't sure WHY he was messaging me. I mean, he has a gazillion fans (he has so many FB friends that he can't add anyone else). So I was wondering if maybe he was just looking for someone to sleep with? (A lot of guys at that club are always asking that ... well a lot of guys in general are.) So I'm not sure. It was all through facebook messaging too.
