but dont know why. everything is going fine. nothing is the matter. still i feel a huge void in my life. is it love i'm searching for? i fantasize daily about packing what I can fit in my car and taking off on a solo journey. my career that ive began here seems utterly pointless and i'm completely bored of it. it makes me resent technology. i do not want to live life based on a world of screens surrounding me. i want to get back to basics, rewind the clock to the days when things were unplanned and unsynchronized and chances were left up to fate. no google, no facebook, no wayfinding apps that tell me exactly how to get where i'm going. where's the romance and learning in that? i crave adventure, i feel like i need to see the world. i dont need to sit idly and stack up coin to save up for 'the american dream'. that is most certainly not something i can see myself settling into. i've always been, at my essence, a loner, and without that independence you get from traveling solo i don't think i will ever feel alive. i get this feeling that change is gonna come. i have nothing tying me down here. my job. my cat. my 'boyfriend' who will not put labels on things. but these things are all temporary. nothing is permanent or set in stone. now what to do.....
Yeah I know that sense of being tied down, it's hard to deal with. So is the fear of the future, fearing what could be lost because of one moment in time that you can't control, like a domino effect. Finances are stressful as they are an expected performance, a goal that must be met...no matter what. Disturbs the sleep. From there you can lose your hobbies and that leaves relationships that we do or don't have. Personally I try to be positive, but it's hard when everything you face is 50/50, could go either way. Call me a pessimist, I suppose.