I'm not sure of the wisdom of this post considering I'm almost 3 certifications deep away from a very successful IT career (at the tender age of 24 at that :
) however I've been a member of this forum for a few years and I feel as though here I am amongst friends not to mention this blog section is neatly tucked away to everyone's convenience, I suppose. Alright to the latest events in my ever populated life of religious corruption, inane drug use, and at times (as I will get into) borderline insanity.
This situation started with a simple order. 5 grams of South African kief from my supply. Normally my orders take around a week to arrive (at least the same amount sent to me as a freebie). His statement is it can take up to 3 weeks to arrive however after a week I became concerned. I kicked up my study schedule so that gave me the sort of jolt that I can say to myself I'm okay and still on track. This concern quickly turned into depression. I felt as though nothing in my life was going right and I couldn't make a simple sane decision. I spent the majority of time in bed during the day and began drinking in the morning. I topped off with a bottle of wine around 7 am coupled by a Buspar. I also have been booting person after person from my life for next to no reason. I have had wall screaming episodes (not at anyone in particular) to the point where my older woman I am currently "dating" chose to call the police supposedly out of concern of a second girlfriend in my apartment that I "might have been abusing". I am far from abusive as a boyfriend but she was concerned. Nothing came of it and I actually developed a good relationship with local authorities from it.
Finally my package arrived just as I knew it would: when I least expected. I had bought 8 ounces of some high quality British tobacco so I immediately rolled a hand pressed hash cigarette. Delicious to say the least. I rolled another than another then realized if I were to eat that day I would have to hit up the apartment grill (a pretty nice gas lazyman) and began marinating and seasoning the steaks. So I did as stoned as I was grabbed a Natty Ice packed my usual bag of condiments and walked to the grill. Drank my beer relatively quickly and just sat down in an absolutely stoned manner and waited to flip. Later my pot smoking neighbor showed up. I owed him a few bucks so I had been avoiding him for the last few months. I didn't hesitate to offer him a session of hand pressed hash. He agreed so I finished cooking and we met upstairs in his apartment. We must have smoked 3 grams of completely pure kief out of his bong. He also gave me a shot of patron and some mdpv. I loved it and wanted more and more but he cut me off. Which is good I suppose. We matched up and I began buying weed. No big. Owed him some cash so I loaned my laptop knowing that my father would quickly take it out of hock. He also owed me more than required to pay. That led to my phone and ps3. By the time I sold my phone and bought my last bag I had tenbucks left over. Here comes the drama right lol?
I decided I haven't done computer duster in a while so I was going to pick up a can and give it a go. Immature to say the least. I did and began huffing. I didn't like it and it made me retarded I actually did my entire first can in my bathtub with running water which I would turn off and on with my foot. Dangerous but I was confident about my judgement 8). I preceded to pawn my ps3 which I spent on 2 more cans of dust off that day. The third can came in and my dad opened my apartment door. I was relatively coherent but had a line of drool on my chin and bugged out eyes along with a half empty can of dust off on the floor. He simply told me I was going to ruin my brain (which I need for my studies *cue punch line drum beat*). And suggested the next day I go to fair oaks a pleasant mental facility that I have enjoyed a few stays at in the past. I said I'd considered it. The next day I bought another can as soon as the store opened killed it and then went to my parents house to scrape change for a final one. I killed it and laid down on my new comforter with bugged out eyes waiting for the inevitable. As soon as my dad came I asked to go Fair Oaks.
I spent four nights and actually was stabilized on my meds. I feel amazing and through the paxil lamictal and buspar I actually feel stable and somewhat stress free. I mainly went to loose that short period of craving nitrous always brings and so I wouldn't get any bright ideas only a few days later. Like my fucking flat screen. I'm glad I went and even met a local girl who seemed to be pretty into me. I'm not advocating dating mental patients (which includes my self) but she was sweet affectionate and even introduced herself to my parents and hers. A little early of course but I thought it was generous move. She gave me her number along with a call me!
. If nothing else its flattering and reassuring seeing as how I have blown off most women I've dated since since my ex and the baby at times I doubt even exists. This includes the nut I met in rehab who was on probation for vehicular manslaughter for doing dust off while driving on the highway. Attractive young 20 year old though so I suppose I may not have the healthiest taste in women.
Today I am happy to see I am *healthier* mentally then when I came in. No desire to scream or act out and able to focus. I might try to score some prescribed adderall and klonopin to get me through the stress of the 7-10 years of hard work of ahead of me however I am confident sans marriage or a child I am responsible for I can accomplish it. If I ever have kids of my own I am definitely hiring a nanny until 13. I want them to be educated in formal manners such as those of british royalty. Ballroom dancing, correct soup eating, and how to properly introduce themselves. Nevertheless I am at the very least less interested in drugs. I am almost positive I will not be getting 100% sober but on my meds my desire to get high has lessened greatly. I encourage all those with dual diagnoses who are concerned with usage to take their medication. Crazy is Beautiful is something someone drew there and it kind of struck a receptor in me no pun intended. Maybe before I get serious I can still date crazy chicks though. Either way I'm about done with the everyday desire to use cocaine and smoke marijuana. I have a strong desire for a successful future and this will take more than a few years of work. Alright end of soap box and horn tooting I have said more than enough.
I hope everyone's week was better than mine or at least as eventful.
With love,
Spooky Snacks
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Boo.
