So lately I've heard there's been a resurgence in envy over Richard Hell (voidoids era) body. Upon finding this out, as I'm often the last to hear gossip, I thought I'd shed some light on how,
I have nearly attained this pinnacle in physical perfection, and how you, fellow readers, can too!
First off, you're going to need the right genes, hopefully your mom and dad are either thin or not obese, if this is not the case, try to work on it because this is a must.
After that, try to get addicted to heroin, preferably using it intravenously as early in life as possible. I started sniffing it at age 18, and then 6 months later started shooting it.
Then, get into shooting coke for a few years, this'll do a number on your body, and you might be unhappy with how you look at this stage, but keep your head up high! It gets better!
Continue shooting coke and heroin for a couple more years and then try to contract some very dangerous blood born pathogen, MRSA was the one I chose. Whatever one you acquire, make sure it has you holed up in a hospital for a minimum of four weeks (I did five weeks). During this time, your muscles will atrophy, now it is imperative that you are
BED RIDDEN, don't try to sneak in a little jog around the room, stay the fuck in that bed. Again, you're not going to be very happy with the results when the four to five weeks are up, you'll probably barely weigh 130 lb's if you're six feet tall like I am. But perseverance is key if you want to get that perfect
heroin chic body.
Okay, now here's the real important part, you got to say 'fuck it', forget your family, forget your dreams, just hand it all over, surrender....to heroin! And while you're at it, what I did, which worked wonders for me, was to relocated to an area that was saturated in methamphetamine. Once you're there, don't just stand there looking at it! Dig in! I mean, really, just fucking go for it, it's not like it's going to kill you or anything, just take the plunger out of your syringe, and backload a few large shards down the barrel and draw up a couple cc's, not too many (the blood'll do the rest), and start shooting (with precision). Do this for a few years, occasionally switching it up with crack, but NEVER, this is fucking key people,
DO NOT GIVE UP ON THE HEROIN, if you need to start muscling it at this point cause your veins have all gone to hell, than fuck it, but try and learn how to hit that deep femoral vein
.
Okay, so you've now been homeless a few years, trashed your brain and body with drugs, haven't sleep for months, can't tell reality from fantasy (does it matter any more?), have long lost any care in your physical appearance (or have you,
you vein bastard!), now, here is the difficult part. Find a reason that you need to clean up. For me, I had an easy out (father got stage four lung cancer). Clean out, get those drugs out of your body, hate every moment of it, be spiteful, bitter! But persist dear friend, you've put yourself through what most would consider a living hell for a third of your life now-you've got reasons to be pissed off right? DO NOT REPLACE YOUR HORRIBLE DRUG ADDICTION WITH A FOOD ADDICTION, that will be your downfall. You're almost there. Instead, replace addiction with a horrible, overwhelming depression that consumes your life to the point that you spend most of your day in a dark room with the lights off, just..sitting there, thinking of clever things that your friends (who only exist on the internet) might appreciate. Oh, and do like 70 crunches 4 times a day.
Bam, you're there, you got Richard Hell's body! Shame you can't change your face as easily haha.
