So I've been a BLer for a while now, and thought I'd tell my story on my struggle, hoping to help others aswell as a bit of self therapy, I will keep adding as my journey goes on.
Codeine, the weakest opiate there is available on prescription, yet equally as addicting and hard to come off as heroin. I wish I'd of know this earlier, three years earlier would of been perfect.
ive got a bad hip, had it from birth causes me a lot of pain on movement so I went to my GP and was prescribed cocodamol 30/500 for pain. 100 tablets no questions asked, I'd never took them before, only opiates I'd ever had was morphine after three c-sections, I hated taking anything as little as a paracetamol unless I really needed it. So anyway, that evening I took two tablets and after half an hour was in my own little bubble, felt warmth, happy, chatty and what can only be described as being stoned. I continued to take as directed up to 8 a day to help my pain, this went on for a few months.
now a friend of mine got hold of a steady supply of codeine prosphate, cheap too, so I was ordering them from her by the 100s, tolerance built and soon it would take 10 tablets to get the feeling that two used to give me, this also went on for some time, I also tried dhc and morphine but neither felt as good to me as the pure codeine did. Inevitably my supply ran out, so off I went back the Drs and asked for codeine prosphate instead of cocodamol, I was given them, no questions asked, and I'd had about a six month break from my scripts as I'd found a supply, so they didn't even have a clue I was addicted.
again this went on for around another year, my moods were so up and down from worrying about running out, scripts never lasted and I was buying otc solpadine max and neurofen plus, not doing any extraction to remove the paracetamol, just taking them by the box load, how I'm not dead I'll never know.
March last year I discovered another source online, I started buying from two different online pharmacies aswell as obtaining my regular scripts off my dr, it was spiralling out of control aswell as emptying my bank account. But it still wasn't enough, I was going through 100 tablets in just over two days, I knew it was wrong but the withdrawal was just hell on earth and I was terrified.
so three weeks ago I took myself to a rehabilitation centre, it was awful, I'm a young girl with three beautiful children, I'm well dressed, in good hygiene, I work and I hate not being in control, so as you can imagine I broke down. They were nice but firm with me, and told me if I didn't stop I'd die, they also told me some hard facts that the amount of opiates I took, equalled to a large bag of heroin each day, how shocking!!
i didn't like the idea of replacement prescribing, which is buprenophine or methadone so I asked for other options, I was given lofexidine to try as its non addictive, on day two I had a severe allergic reaction to it and my tongue swelled up, just my luck! So my mum took me back and I started on 4mg of buprenophine, increasing to 8mg the next day and I've stabilised on 10mg.
Im amazed at how well they work, just two little tablets a day that you put under your tongue, and you get relief for atleast 24 hrs, I have to go to the pharmacy each morning and take it in front of them, and I get a supply of a weekend to take home, I find it really embarrassing and upsetting but I suppose it's a small price to pay, after all I'm getting my life back, I've given five negative drug tests now, I'm on day 19 today, it's still really hard emotionally, no one ever told me the hardest part of addiction was the part where you're brain needs to be re taught not to take tablets. I've been promised that from next week I can start taking the drug home so I only have to go twice a week instead of five, so that's giving me a little hope.
ive been asked by the rehab dr if I can tell my story to the public, in magazines and the media, as he runs a charity for people addicted to just painkillers, and he would like me to be their spokeswoman when I'm fully clean, which is great but I'm not sure I want the world to know I'm an ex addict.
My friends and family have been so supportive through the past three weeks, I can't thank them enough, my partner has been amazing, it can't be easy being with someone who's an addict, and I know I never used street drugs or needles but I still share the same downfalls as everyone else who's addicted to a substance. The past week has been my hardest yet, I'd give my right tit to get one more codeine hit, but I know I can't and I'll have to move onto a more healthier, less harming addiction (gym, swimming etc)
so so that's my story so far, I'm sure I'll have more to update as I go on my journey, just want to say if anyone who's reading this is addicted to painkillers, there's always a way out, if I can do it then so can you, I don't have an ounce of willpower but I've come this far, imagine waking up of a morning and not be in withdrawal, I'd forgot what it feels like, but now I do and it feels great.
Good luck everyone xoxox
Codeine, the weakest opiate there is available on prescription, yet equally as addicting and hard to come off as heroin. I wish I'd of know this earlier, three years earlier would of been perfect.
ive got a bad hip, had it from birth causes me a lot of pain on movement so I went to my GP and was prescribed cocodamol 30/500 for pain. 100 tablets no questions asked, I'd never took them before, only opiates I'd ever had was morphine after three c-sections, I hated taking anything as little as a paracetamol unless I really needed it. So anyway, that evening I took two tablets and after half an hour was in my own little bubble, felt warmth, happy, chatty and what can only be described as being stoned. I continued to take as directed up to 8 a day to help my pain, this went on for a few months.
now a friend of mine got hold of a steady supply of codeine prosphate, cheap too, so I was ordering them from her by the 100s, tolerance built and soon it would take 10 tablets to get the feeling that two used to give me, this also went on for some time, I also tried dhc and morphine but neither felt as good to me as the pure codeine did. Inevitably my supply ran out, so off I went back the Drs and asked for codeine prosphate instead of cocodamol, I was given them, no questions asked, and I'd had about a six month break from my scripts as I'd found a supply, so they didn't even have a clue I was addicted.
again this went on for around another year, my moods were so up and down from worrying about running out, scripts never lasted and I was buying otc solpadine max and neurofen plus, not doing any extraction to remove the paracetamol, just taking them by the box load, how I'm not dead I'll never know.
March last year I discovered another source online, I started buying from two different online pharmacies aswell as obtaining my regular scripts off my dr, it was spiralling out of control aswell as emptying my bank account. But it still wasn't enough, I was going through 100 tablets in just over two days, I knew it was wrong but the withdrawal was just hell on earth and I was terrified.
so three weeks ago I took myself to a rehabilitation centre, it was awful, I'm a young girl with three beautiful children, I'm well dressed, in good hygiene, I work and I hate not being in control, so as you can imagine I broke down. They were nice but firm with me, and told me if I didn't stop I'd die, they also told me some hard facts that the amount of opiates I took, equalled to a large bag of heroin each day, how shocking!!
i didn't like the idea of replacement prescribing, which is buprenophine or methadone so I asked for other options, I was given lofexidine to try as its non addictive, on day two I had a severe allergic reaction to it and my tongue swelled up, just my luck! So my mum took me back and I started on 4mg of buprenophine, increasing to 8mg the next day and I've stabilised on 10mg.
Im amazed at how well they work, just two little tablets a day that you put under your tongue, and you get relief for atleast 24 hrs, I have to go to the pharmacy each morning and take it in front of them, and I get a supply of a weekend to take home, I find it really embarrassing and upsetting but I suppose it's a small price to pay, after all I'm getting my life back, I've given five negative drug tests now, I'm on day 19 today, it's still really hard emotionally, no one ever told me the hardest part of addiction was the part where you're brain needs to be re taught not to take tablets. I've been promised that from next week I can start taking the drug home so I only have to go twice a week instead of five, so that's giving me a little hope.
ive been asked by the rehab dr if I can tell my story to the public, in magazines and the media, as he runs a charity for people addicted to just painkillers, and he would like me to be their spokeswoman when I'm fully clean, which is great but I'm not sure I want the world to know I'm an ex addict.
My friends and family have been so supportive through the past three weeks, I can't thank them enough, my partner has been amazing, it can't be easy being with someone who's an addict, and I know I never used street drugs or needles but I still share the same downfalls as everyone else who's addicted to a substance. The past week has been my hardest yet, I'd give my right tit to get one more codeine hit, but I know I can't and I'll have to move onto a more healthier, less harming addiction (gym, swimming etc)
so so that's my story so far, I'm sure I'll have more to update as I go on my journey, just want to say if anyone who's reading this is addicted to painkillers, there's always a way out, if I can do it then so can you, I don't have an ounce of willpower but I've come this far, imagine waking up of a morning and not be in withdrawal, I'd forgot what it feels like, but now I do and it feels great.
Good luck everyone xoxox
my mood is so up and down!