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Ok so i found tapering it down really gives you a moreish king of look on it so flushed the rest of it.

I'm 16-20H in form stopping tapering and whent CT (Was it smart ?? Maybe! Time will tell..)

Symptom's right now are weird blood pressure, hotflashes, fiver, mussel pain, craycy bad stomach (Both ends) and some mind fucking..

That's up until this point..

I seeped on Flunitrazepam 2mg and 2mg cloazepam + 3-5mgl Therelaen.

Really glad i have alot of benzo and theralen

So meany wired dream's some scary and some don't but all were very real!

Why go throw this just to c how it is??
That feels kind of stupid right now!!

It was / is legal her and i love exploring chemicals, but i haven't really liked opiets in general. Also i haven't ben using any chemicals except my Banzo's (Witch i tapered down from 4mg Xanax, 2mg Flunitrazepam, 8mg Clonazepam, 20mg Stillnoct and 30-60mg Remeron-S / a DAY to just 2mg clonazepam in the morning and 2mg in the evening (That was true hell for the heal, now its more the body with fenta.) so that's good.)

I hope / KNOW i will manage this and be ride of it in a moth tops..
I was only taking A-F fore about 2 months..

Love & Light to all Cheminautes out there!!

Summer vacation has started so I have some time to work on my blog. These entries are a few months old. Most of these are only rants and are not very coherent. They don’t have a point except to get things out of my system. I will post several.

When I moved here, it was the first time I had been single and felt really alone for several years. The population of the city and suburbs is around 10 million yet I was lonely despite having recently spent a year by myself in the desert with only my cats for company and not feeling lonely at all. I came here and quickly learned to rely on opiates to help me handle my loneliness and associated depression. By the time I had started seeing Fatima, I no longer no longer used opiates regularly.

I met Fatima at work. She is a medical doctor who practiced medicine in Saudi Arabia before she came to France to do medical research at the Institut.

I thought I would never again date somebody from work because what are you going to talk about when you get home? Since my freshman year in college, I have always been bored seeing anybody who is so much as in my own major. But she works in another lab, has a different project, and has very different life experience so it’s okay.

Fatima is married but separated. The reason she is still married, she explained, is that the divorce and property laws in Saudi Arabia are biased against women. I don’t understand the details beyond that, but the husband seems to keep all of the property and the wife can be thrown out onto the street and faces a life of poverty if her parents do not take her back. That is a common occurrence.

She is keeping me secret from her family who still live and work in Saudi Arabia. Although she has been separated for five years, seeing someone else while separated is still considered adultery in her country. The penalty for adultery is stoning to death for both adulterers. Her father is a minister of some government agency and as somebody who has a high position in the Saudi government, he is very conservative and religious.

It was not trivial for her to walk away from a marriage where she was treated like the property of her husband and cast aside to be replaced by her husband’s mistress, to take off her scarf and reject religious fundamentalism, and move here against her parents’ wishes. Not only that, but she is an activist for women’s rights in her country. Speaking out for women’s rights (I think of this as the authentic but rare form of feminism) is another thing that earns women fatwas over there. For the purpose of privacy, I refer to her as Fatima. Fatima is not her real name.
In my free time, I visit many cafés and restaurants here in Paris: Shakespeare and Co Bookstore to read and talk over a coffee with a friend, Café de Flore or les Deux Magots to sit and write all day, Maxim’s for dinner and many night clubs.

Last night, I took Fatima to a restaurant somebody had suggested called le Daniel’s. There is a dress code. The lighting was low and the seats were velvet. A DJ played house music, but it wasn’t too loud. About fifty people and as many women as men, mostly wearing jackets or dresses sat at the tables or mingled on the floor.

On one end of the room the barman was pouring drinks at a long bar. On one wall, a rack was stacked to the ceiling with bottles of wine. A mirror covered another wall. Tables and sculptures were scattered around the room.


Striptease Part II
The club is famous for strip teases. I didn’t know that until the performers came out. Suddenly, the music got loud. Here is a photo of one of the dancers:




Saudi Arabia doesn’t have strip clubs or bars. Women are required to be completely covered to the extent of wearing head gear. Fatima had never seen a strip show before, but she was cool. We watched the act and chatted. She didn’t say anything nasty.

Aelyssa, on the other hand, would have gone apeshit then and there. (Aelyssa is a the last girlfriend I had in the US). She would have stood up and said just loud enough for everybody in the whole bar to hear: WE NEED TO GO RIGHT NOW!

She would have stormed out, given me the silent treatment until the afternoon the next day, then chided me. (She is a school teacher and has a lot of practice scolding her students.) She would have given her neo-feminist rant. She would have complained that men were exploiting those dancers. Then she would have informed me that the dancers are whores and that I was objectifying women.

Then the jealousy would have completely taken over. The dancer happens to be thin and physically fit. She trains, has good muscle tone, coordination, and flexibility. Aelyssa, sadly, had not gone to the gym, ridden her bicycle, or done yoga one time in the last year we were together. She put on a lot of weight and looks like she has aged 10 years.

Aelyssa would have gone on about how whores like the dancers have been brainwashed and imprinted upon men that being thin and physically fit is an unrealistic expectation for women. It is her job as a Feminist to fight this, and it is my duty as her Significant Other to support her. To her, the Venus of Malta (a quasi-pornographic Stone Age carving of a naked women shaped like a pear.) is the natural body type, and the media and whores like the stripper have brainwashed men. The fact that 3 out of 4 Americans are overweight is her proof that fat is the normal and ideal body type. Yet, until the 1950s or so, only around 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 Americans were fat. Even today, only 1 in 10 are overweight in France. Body size is an easy way to spot an American, Australian, or British tourist.

A couple of vacationing middle-aged women were sitting beside us. They were from the Central Valley in California, and they looked like it. When the dancers came out, they suddenly looked very uncomfortable as though they had just realized they were in the wrong place. They made the obvious comment about the girl’s butt being on the bar and they were afraid they would get a disease. The barman, however, wiped down the bar after their act. The standard 10% bleach solution restaurants use kills everything.

METH-LAD:

ALD-52:


AL-LAD:

ETH-LAD:

PRO-LAD:

1P-ETH-LAD:

1P-METH-LAD:

PARGY-LAD:

LSZ:

LSA:


Tied to gather from som many expedience / sites as i could, and compared to my own experiences
Missing is the BU-LAD and LSM i will get those in later.

If someone knows the LD50 for any of these Lysergamide's pleas write it in a comment! It would be greatly appreciated!

General Information:

2C-B is a phenthylamine (PEA) and the drug rose in popularity in the mid 80's as a legal alternative to ecstasy (MDMA), despite that 2C-B is a psychedelic it can be used as a stimulant and mood enhancer in lower dosages. It was classified as a drug by the FDA in 95 in the US,and from 2002 2C-B it became illegal in almost every country.

Wikipedia.org said:

2C-B or 2,5-dimethoxy-4-bromophenethylamine is a psychedelic drug of the 2C family. It was first synthesized by Alexander Shulgin in 1974. In Shulgin's book PiHKAL, the dosage range is listed as 12–24 mg. 2C-B is sold as a white powder sometimes pressed in tablets or gel caps and is referred to on the street by a number of slang names. (To see Bee's, Nexus; Bees; Venus; Bromo Chemical Mescaline; BDMPEA)

The drug is usually taken orally, but can also be insufflated or vaporized.

Aphrodisiac
Before it was scheduled, 2C-B was sold in small doses as an aphrodisiac. Some users report aphrodisiac effects at lower doses.

Click to expand...

More is coming just started this article!

Dosage:

	Oral (Swallowed):	Insnuffled (Snorted):
Threshold:	2-5mg	1-5mg
Mild Dosage;	5-15mg	5mg
Common Dosage:	10-25mg	5-15mg
Strong Dosage:	20-50mg	15-25mg
LD50	?	?

2c-b pictures:

Domaine to this BluLight hosted Blog!
http://www.chemicaljuerny.com

BlueLight Blog Email:
[email protected]

I whiting for the BOH synth to be completed and that the research in its antidepressant / anti anxiety properties will begin!!

wikipedia.org said:

It is the β-methoxy analog of methylenedioxyphenethylamine (MDPEA) and is also more distantly related to methylone. On account of its similarity to norepinephrine, the effects of BOH may be of a purely adrenergic nature.^[1] BOH was first synthesized by Alexander Shulgin.^[1] In his book PiHKAL, the dosage range is listed as 80–120 mg, and the duration listed as 6–8 hours. Shulgin reports that BOH causes slight warmth, mydriasis, anorexia, mild nausea, and cold feet, with no psychedelic, entactogen, or euphoriant effects.^[1] He gives it a ++ on the Shulgin Rating Scale.^[1] Very little is known about the pharmacology, pharmacokinetics, effects, and toxicity of BOH.

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Erowid.org said:

DOSAGE: 80 - 120mg


DURATION: 6 - 8 h.


QUALITATIVE COMMENTS:

With 90 mg: Distinct body awareness in an hour. The threshold is mostly physical. Faint sense of inside warmth, skin prickling, cold feet, loose bowels, anorexia. By the fifth hour, I was on the downslope, and in retrospect I found it good humored but not insightful.


With 100 mg: There was a vague nausea, and a chilling of the feet. It reached a real plus two, with dilated pupils and quite a thirst. How can one describe the state? There were no visuals, and I was not even stoned. I was just very turned on. And I was completely back to baseline by hour number six.


EXTENSIONS AND COMMENTARY:
There are several reports of a nice, mild mood enhancement in the 20-40 milligram dosage area, but searches for psychedelic effects at higher levels gave a strange mix of some sort of an altered state along with bodily discomfort. The BOH name for this member of the BOX family follows the convention discussed in the BOD recipe--with RHS for homopiperonylamine, the simplest of the muni-metro family, q.v. The demethylated homologue of BOH is BOHH, and is the methylenedioxy analogue of norepinephrine. It might well hydrolytically open up in the body to provide this neurotransmitter, and serve as some sort of transmitter in its own right. It is discussed under DME.

Maybe there is something to the concept that when you imitate a neurotransmitter too closely, you get a hybrid gemisch of activity. The term "pro-drug" is used to identify a compound that may not be intrinsically active, but one which metabolizes in the body to provide an active drug. I feel the term should have been pre-drug, but pro-drug was the word that caught on. BOH may well act in the body as a pro-drug to norepinephrine, but with the temporary blocking of the polar functions with ether groups, it can gain access to the brain. And once there, it can be stripped of these shields and play a direct neurological role. I uncovered a very similar analogy in the tryptamine world some years ago. Just as norepinephrine is a neurotransmitter, so is serotonin. And I found that by putting an O-ether on the indolic phenol (to hide its polarity) and an alpha-methyl group next to the primary amine (to protect it from metabolic deaminase), it became an extremely potent, and most complex, psychedelic. This was the compound alpha,O-dimethylserotonin, or a,O-DMS. There is an uncanny analogy between this tryptamine and the phenethylamine BOH.
Somehow the quiet voice deep inside me says, don't use too much, too quickly. Maybe one of the optical isomers is the body thing, and the other isomer is the mind thing. So far, only the racemic mixture has been tasted, to the best of my knowledge.

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Personal Experiance said:

I have just have had the chance to sample this drug at 1 time and i was somewhat tired and worn out from a long night.
I took the safe road and after reading in PiKAL I chose to and ingested 48mg in a capsule and after about 45 minutes i started to feel more energetic or rather not so tired more like normal and my mood was somewhat lifted. Didn't really felt anything special then some light mood enhancement and it took away the feeling of tiredness and instead i felt quite normal.. Maybe cross tolerances was in play her i don't exactly know but it lasted around 4-5H then i started to feel tired agen and i fell asleep. When i woke up i felt rested witch i didn't really expected. Didn't have the time to test it in the higher scale and it's almost a decade ago but now it seems like I'm gonna get a new chance to sample this one. Still need to kick a bad habit first but then it's time for test number #2.

Interesting that I felt rested when i woke up! I hade really not expected that!

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BlueLight: The Small & Handy BOH Thread

I have quit a lot of bad habits like Cock, Alcohol and Benzo many times during my life!
But the withdrawal symptoms of Akryl-Fentanyl is the worst i ever experienced!
(It was when i got this i just sad that i would stope taking it, and i know realized i need to ween myself of and not go cold turkey)

It didn't hit me until for some week's ago whin I ran out and hade to stop..
I hadn't ordered more because i noticed i was doing it more and more and hade built up a fairly high tolerance.

I woke up at 4am one day and i felt like i was dying!
My body hurt like hell (Like wheen your sick with high fever but worse), i felt so nauseous and all of a sudden i just puked sitting up in my bed! I rushed into the toilet and puked some more and it was now i also felt the cramps in mostly my stomach but also in my hands and feet mostly. Didn't think the cramps was from Acryl-Fentanyl at first since i know i ha-dent taken my Benzo witch i have hade for 12+ years.

No i skip forward until present day. I now take 0.2mg but I was down to 0.1 but incised it
I take that dosage maybe 3-5 times a day.. (Planing on going down to one in the morning and one in the evening..)

And i have never taken any monster dosage of it.. At most maybe 0.4mg * 10 speed at leased 1h apart

Need to write something that gives me joy now.. But will frequently update along the way until I'm of AF

With Love

I will not say that I'm a Heroin. Opiate or Fentanyle junky!

BUT

For about 2-3moths ago i started taking Akryl-Fentanyle on a regularly basis!
It's widely available where i live and I'm always curious on new RC's and chemicals.

With age i have stopped making rely stupid choices and the frequency of my chemical intake has dropped drastically to almost 0 just before i tried F-A.

I was just curious about it and thought i could at least test it one's..

Don't do that mistake!!
STAY AWAY from Fentanyles!

//With love!

I drink because I like the feeling that it gives me, I also drink because I enjoy the taste of any alcohol.
Meaning, there's been times in my life (not just here recently) but over this past year where I've found myself drinking listerine,not just once or twice, but atleast a dozen times. You think that shit tastes like ass, but for me I can guzzle it down quicker with no chaser. Yeah fucked up, we'll wish I could show a picture of my nose, because it's broken. Not only that I have road rash all along the right side of my arm and body.
It started off with me going to dollar general and boosting a bottle of listeriene, the big bottle (Only the brown shit).
next I went back to my job where we were all waiting on getting paid, I crack the bottle and start drinking. Well, I left and went back to dollar general and boosted another bottle. Well I must have fuckd my face up sometime after that because I found my bag behind the dumpster at DG, and a pool of blood.
Long story short I ended up riding my bike back to the job and the boss man saw my face and thought someone had fucked me up, I ended up riding my bike home and later went to the hospital.
Needless to say I got a fucked up face from drinking listerine.

Rebooked and back on 28th. At peace with it. These last few months have been full of purge and change. Also feeling pretty numb in all aspects but drinking less and using less. Guess that's a plus. Feeling also very betrayed, people that I thought loved me turned out to be snakes. Banking is a cuthroat business full of assholes who only have their best interests at heart. Why the fuck am I in this game. This is not me.

It's ok tho, I will work this out one day at a time. Health first atm.

Rebooked and back on 28th. At peace with it. These last few months have been full of purge and change. Also feeling pretty numb in all aspects but drinking less and using less. Guess that's a plus. Feeling also very betrayed, people that I thought loved me turned out to be snakes. Banking is a cuthroat business full of assholes who only have their best interests at heart. Why the fuck am I in this game. This is not me.

It's ok tho, I will work this out one day at a time. Health first atm.

She is bi and wants a threesome with one of her girlfriends I barely know. This girl introduced my girlfriend to the world of BDSM and is somewhat too openly sexual for my liking; I'm very private with my sexuality, she's very promiscuous and loose. I'm not passing a moral judgement here; just noting the difference in our personality.

Now I've never been in much doubt that I satisfy my woman sexually. Not to brag, but I give her hair pulling, leg shaking oral orgasms and penile ones; I listen carefully and attentively to her fantasies and do my best to fulfill them; I ask her often how she found a sex session went, especially if we tried something spontaneous and new or if if things got a little rough. But I've always had an inkling in the back of my mind that my penis and masculinity could never fully satisfy her and she'd always have a craving for the female touch and finesse.

Well, now I feel like that gut instinct has been vindicated; she suggested to me earlier today, with some keenness, that we have a threesome with one of her friends; a girl I've met few times and barely know; a girl I find sexually attractive, but don't trust, as I don't trust anyone readily when it comes to sex (I've always been a very private person with my sexuality; again, personal disposition.)

To complicate matters further, my girlfriend and I have been engaging in a predominantly D/S relationship for most of the time we've been together. Now while this is only sexual role play and I know I don't ACTUALLY own her, the idea of giving her up to another person physically hurts.

Two people build an intense bond when they've been in a D/S relationship for a while; I think the only way I could handle a threesome is if both my gf and her friend submit to me.

I would become far too jealous and angry to see someone, male or female, use my slave in a way I disapproved of.

I'm glad I wrote this blog, as it's helped me clear up my thoughts surrounding the whole situation a bit.

Yes, that's where I stand. The threesome can take place ONLY if I am in command. This won't be a problem for my girlfriend, and I don't think for her friend either (she's a switch.)

Hey, I actually feel less confused and emotionally distraught now. Typing this all out has, in real time, helped me identify my boundaries.

Cool.

If anyone's interested I'll let them know how things turn out.

It's been a stormy week here in the 'ville', been busy with work cutting trees, so that's a good thing with all these storms and shit, job security breh.
I've been trying to stay busy with work, and finding work. It was some troubling news that my family doesn't want me back around,but I gotta move past that shit and try and move on with my life, yeah it sucks that I can't call mom and dad like I want to, I just have to give it over to god and pray that one day the extranged relationship that we have will get better over time. I'm not counting on it to happen anytime soon.
Still no girlfriend in my world, I have been looking and I got a fucking black eye out of it, so just going to work on myself before I decide to work on getting pussy. It will happen, with the right girl.
I'm still living with this family, and I've never fit in so much in a dysfunctional family before. So after experiencing mom calling cops on daughter for stealing her mom's van, and hitting a can of duster a few times with the other twin,I've never felt so ,like part of something. As for drugs, I'm heroine and meth free. Mom would be proud.

Going to watch it rain and around 8pm I'll be good and shit faced to pop a few bottle rockets off.
Hope everyone has a safe 4th of july!

I guess i mostly post when things aren't great but that's okay. I was doing really well and then I fell flat on my face again. This time though it is proving to be significantly more difficult to pick myself back up. My short term memory may never recover. That is really scary. I mean I am a lot better than I was but I am not normal. I am not sure I could hold a job or anything.

Sacrifice is the highest of the virtues in the concern of love. If you love something, or someone, sacrifice is never sacrifice but a righteous pleasure. Undoubtedly sometimes it hurts - its strenuous. However it's always worth it because the sacrifice is always done for the greater good of the person or object of affection.

If ever you find a pursuit, human or hobby or otherwise feeling empty or lacking - ask yourself. What have I sacrificed lately to show myself and this thing that I am willing and able to give my all for its prospering?

I am really hurting right now. I am under pressure from my methadone clinic to stop smoking weed. The thing is weed is the only drug that makes me not want to kill myself. I am on a ton of precribed psych drugs effexor, gabapentin, seroquel and klonopin. I still feel like I would be happier dead.

Methadone has been the lone bright spot on the last year. Not craving heroine is amazing. But if they take that away from me I will get back on heroin and set out to kill myself with this run. I know a guy who sells acetyl fentanyl so I think I am going to stock up while it's around.

I had a dream that I would get out of this hell hole state. I don't care that much about where I go. California. Seattle, philly, colorado. Pretty much anywhere with medical pot and fun outdoor activities. I want to snowboard or surf. But it'd probably a pipe dream at this point. I have no job no money and I'm probably going to end up strung out again once they kick me off the mdone.

THE FIFTH AND FINAL PART WILL BE REVEALED LATER

Pressure,,,
I break it in the blender
Submachine with no surrender
Try to hit me up in traffic
Work me with the Magick
Spend it.
........
Hope these niggas don't play with me.
Got 3 that stay with me.
Hope these niggas don't play with me

...

dear blog,

kicked new years off with a hell of a start in a homeless shelter, missed the fireworks down town Louisville because of the 11o clock curfew. The shit that went on in that fucking place... droppersneck knows, it wasn't a homeless shelter, it was a place to go and safely do drugs, hell.. i thought everyone was full of shit telling me that Louisville had good heroin. hahaha oh how fucking wrong i was, and yerp considering i was 'homeless', i was still able to purchase $50 a day on my heroin habit.
some ungodly shit, and I've done heroin all over the united states and here, was the first time i did china white. i'm 100% sure that the shit was cut with Fentanyl because to many people were overdosing on it, and lost 7 of my 'homeless buddies' due to overdoses this year because of the shit.
you know you stepped in on some shit when the second you walked into that fucking place that it smelled like fucking Narcan. i got so used to people overdosing around me that it really isn't funny to talk about, because its fucked up when i have to shit in the morning and find some other guy blue in the face sitting on the shit can with a syringe still in his palm in the crouched position, well guess i'm going to have to walk to the hospital (it's the closest place to take a shit) because here in a few minutes the paramedics will be here to haul the dude away. its sad because a lot of the guys and girls that overdose i fucking speak with them, not really about drugs, but like 'hey where u from ASL>?', maybe i could have done something different?
i doubt it, because when i wanted to get high like that, the last thing i wanted to hear from anyone's mouth was 'how was your day'? '..so uhm, u got that can ready' or am i going to have to do it myself'. yeah, it was that bad. lol good luck to who ever is trying to get sober in that place, sure as hell didn't open my eyes to reality.. that didn't happen until later on..

fast forward to February,

if you could imagine, it didn't take long before i got kicked out of the shelter, and really, it was my own fault. you know how we tell on ourselves when we are nodding out, drunk slurring words, or laying on the back spaced out of fucking mind.
three times the charm right?? except this time, i am lucky typing this because it was me that overdosed this time. was found by the staff of the place in the very same bathroom where i found buddy blued out.
told my 'friend' that i was going to take a shower, had the shower running and decided to do a shot. some new shit, bought from a new connect. didn't think much of it except to water it down a little more because i didn't want to over dose.
i hate oxymoron's, and i told you so's, so I'm going to skip all that shit, woke up the next morning in the hospital. Baha'ullah doctors and nurses' telling me how lucky i am to getting the right medication in time. and i just might have a problem? well, yeah i can see that problem now, because i have no where to go back to now, the shelter has had enough of my shit.

oh did i mention I'm smoking spice on top of all this shit?? yeah, by its self, its a s$eezy drug, but once its mixed with heroin and alcohol. shit. I'm lucky to be in a 'shelter'(i mean roof over my head).

So i leave the hospital, only wearing the cloths on my back and the hospital bracelet on my arm, 'where to next'? ha!!!!
well, I've been down this road before. except that last time i had more shit and now an expired ID and some old bus transfers.

I needed a spot, somewhere I can go and bang dope without cops, without anyone. the more I think and write about it, the more it sounds like..the more I wanted to kill myself. what was stopping me? how come god wouldn't let me fucking die? get it together man, you see me fucking struggling!

I hooked up with a shady ass group of people, and was able to rent-a-tent, for some dope, and in the mix, i learned to boost.
whatever you wanted, just meet me at point B when I went to point A. hell, here's an aka-selzer, fuck cause a commotion,have a granny seizure,go to the hospital. when you get out and come back, here's your fucking shit,. wheres my shit? damn straight, dope-man.it's Monday already? damn, that was like Thursday. how the fuck did i feed myself over the weekend? whose pant's am i wearing because i don't do Dickie khakis, unless.. did i go to church on Sunday? heh, that might explain this $50 bill and this $20.

$50 a day habit, soon turned into a $100 a day habit, and that's a gram of heroin, a quarter of spice, a pack of cigarettes, and 2 pints of vodka. (it later turned into the 'brown' Listerine',)

who the fuck can live like this? with people still with me wanting to push me to the extreme, hell, i thought friends were people who would toss the other $30 in the pot so you both can get a gram and split the shit? or someone to go pan handle with to put our dimes,quarters, and dollars in to purchase a gallon of vodka. it's an art, to go ask people for money, and i wont get into it much except that people do make a living doing it.

i was camping on an abandoned railroad track(the track was gone) the rocks were still there, to dig into my back, didn't care much because i was high 99% of the time i was back there, and the plus part was I had met a girl somewhere between homeless food gatherings A and B, and she came around when I came around, and minus the coming around, it still was nice getting my dick sucked when rolling a 'chicken bone' or after doing a shot. where i wake up the next day and she's gone.*checks pockets*whew,still got my syringe..

what happened?? to open my eyes? where i see a life outside of having to find a lighter at 3am? or water?
I got locked up, went to jail, for 26 days, not going to get into why i got locked up except snitches get fucking stitches.
during my time 'in', i had no one, no one. not a single family member, worried if I'm still alive, or I'm in jail. oh, let me tell you how bad the withdraws were, horrible. i couldn't even shit in the toilet for the first few days. fuck these 2 blankets, and mat, fuck my life. So after getting into a fist brawl with the motherfucker i got locked up with, i got tossed into 'the hole' for a week,. and i had a lot of time to think, and throw wet toilet paper at the bulls eye that someone drew on the cell wall. one thing i thought about, is 'when I'm gone', when I'm fucking gone... what will people say about me?? what about my mom, and dad? hell i hadn't talked to them since like 12/01/15, so you can imagine the shit going through my head.



when I'm gone..
I'll be there, when I'm gone. you won't, neither the syringe that i tossed in a wall mart bag beside my camp. mom or dad, or my buddy crimson junk, none of them will be there,except me. drew will be there, i bet, if I'm lucky, I'll be wearing a hospital bracelet when I'm gone. eh.


enough sad shit.

my clean date is April 1st, 2016.
my fucking clean date is April fools day you sick son of a bitch.

anyone that tells you heroin stays in your system for a week is full of fucking shit, try being a jail trustee puffing an e-cigarette, trying to trade it for heroin, when the e-cig is worth more then the heroin?.

hey, check out the show called '60 days in' on A&E, I'm on it. go fuck your self.

where I'm at now?

thank god, whom i call my higher power, which is my thoughts, fuck you whore cunt bitch if you think your higher power cant be your thoughts, I'll first face fist you with my cock and friend request you on wow, then UN friend you once you accept it.

when i got out of jail, April 27th, 2016...
where to go?
A- leads to camp site= no heroin(because fuck a 70 yr old trying to boost for dope)
B- leads to halfway house,

I chose the most fucking bumpiest path(even for a gangster mountain bike)
I chose B.

Half way, here I come...

I got a job the first day, and went to take the piss test on the second day, lol. weed? fuck that shit showing up! I'm a straight up heroin addict! fuck your pot, fuck my pot? (only 2 piss in).
so i got the job, i passed the piss test, and got a bad-ass job making car parts for Toyota and Lexus.

yo, it can be done, and in my case, it took going to jail, sobering up(it sucked, and got into a program.
been sober ever since.
i still see the people that i used to fuck with on the streets at the 'homeless feedings', and guys, girls. if it wern't for ...

exit-zero
D's wouldn't be here today.

So, working 40+ hrs a week, going to 7 meetings a week, (mix and match NA and AA).
am here to pay it fucking forward.
bus pass, $$1.75
rent, $100.00
helping someone here(or there) trying to catch the bus? $$$
priceless

here i sit, work 40+hrs a week, at a job making $8/hr,...(and in a year I'd make $15.00/hr).
all i can say is that it takes time to get time, and in my case, it takes time to repair time.

I'll add more later when i can think of shit, but until then..
thanks for reading!
drew

Hello. How are you?
Slash fith//

Hey. So. Dot.5th. Trl.
So
Just wwatever.


D's. Respects,
P ce

Ok As i sit here enlightened(High) im gonna try to write this down. We are the universe experiencing itself. And if thats true the one logical goal is to use my time to better the life experience of all beings. Extend my own human experience and enhance the lives of others. I state the human experience is amazing and we should concern ourselves with making making every human experience last as long as possible. For as i have seen we are the best vehicle for experiencing this universe. So it should be priority that people's life be extended indefinitely. Because we must learn from each other if we wish to occupy infinity to its fullest.

So, here I am typing this, which must mean I'm still alive, and I really want to keep it that way, we'll shit.where to begin,
I am stuck in fucking indianna, Clark County so you know that fucking TV show called 60 days in?well been there done that, I've done the homeless thing here and I'm still homeless, the cool thing is that this family has adopted me as the older brother, meaning I'm older then the ladies twins which are 21, and she wants me to mentor them. So all bull shit aside, maybe God has me stuck here for a reason? I'm trying to teach them how to not get homeless and so far so good actually.
Things art great,but they are good.
I have a older brother that's dieing on a feeding tube that's back in alabama, and a father that's dieing in a nursing home in tenenesse. So the feelings that I'm feeling right now is..to somehow ignore the fact,that I'm about to lose a brother and a father, and try to get over it by helping others.
My stepdad is a pos and he doesn't want to help me get back home to see my brother, and my sister isn't answering her phone so I get find out which nursing home my dad is at and to go and see him.
I've laid in my bed thinking at night, wondering if I were to die right then and there then I would damn sure make sure that neither my mother nor sister know fucking shit about me passing away, I would leave it in writing that the local church that I've been going to on Sundays that they make a plot for me,and skater my remains in the Ohio river, where I can find the next town,the next city to help someone else at.
Tbh I didn't like fuck up bad enough for them to do me like this,the thing is my granddaddy left me and my sister a lot of money, and my father has a damp good life insurance plan on him,so my family is trying to keep me away from it.
Long story short, here I sit fucking babysitting someone else's kids,smoking rolled up crank cigarettes and drinking wine. Can life get much simplar?
Until next time.
Drew

Wake up at 3am. Your fighting in over a fucking blanket. It's 4amwho cares,
I care. I crunch skulls.
No word in 1 week. Where am I at? OK
That's right.. I keep forgetting if I'm like borderline or not.

How did they do it in the movies?

2 weeks ago?

I was ok. I had a phone ..and was talking in with dopemaster,and d jason.
They can tell u where I'm at, well , I'm at,
A, fucking bedbug,roach,,crawler,,spot,yet,I just bought these mfs ,mfs as in motherfuckers, mmmmmmm mfs,
I'm somewhere to live at.

So minus drinkinking listerene. (Only the brown shit),

So here I am.

Dear bluelight,

Mom's number is <snip - PM poster for the number if required>,


Please tell mom that you know me,and I am okay.


Drew_