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The Ativan in the dresser drawer calls everyday. I usually put it off with a terse "later". Well today there was no more laters. 3mg down and I feel like I imagine normal people do. The days to my 30th bday countdown on my calendar to the point I feel I'm waiting for my execution.

See I was never supposed to see 30. I was never supposed to quit heroin. I wasn't supposed to push all my friends away. I wasn't supposed to be unemployed and living with my parents.

I was supposed to be dead of some crazy drug combo in my 20s. I was supposed to have fallen madly in love with some hippy girl. We would shoot dope together until the end. I was supposed to have Daniel Mike and David by my side.

So the million dollar question becomes where from here? I could keep trying to kill myself and either die or end up in the state hospital. I would be ok with that. Probably even more then ok if truth be told. Or I could disappear west or north east cut off all contact and go back to heroin. Or just forget the heroin get back on methadone. The least appealing option is to go to rehab then sober living and rebuild like that. I don't see that working for me. I just have no patience for that whole process.

Whatever I decide it's going to be soon. The current situation isn't sustainable.

so we have a bet going on how to cut dope. Help if you can

Hello guys, this is my first thread here, I wanted to write this because there seems to be almost no one around me that is like me.

I am a regular drug user, my choice of drug is usually K.I occationally do acid.Ive used H in the past (even though I never IV'd, me and my gf used to get a good amount and snort it or smoke it), I was never an addict.

Its been a year since I quit weed and I never touched it except some incidents where people told me that the stuff really good and that I had to taste it, when I took 1 puff I usually got so high and I ultimatley regretteded it.

Weed gives me huge anxiety and lazyness even after 3 days of smoking, when I used to be a regular smoker I had to quit for a week for the anxiety to wear off.I used to really enjoy it at the beginning of my weed journey (first 3-4 months), I was an everyday smoker for 2 years, probably I had smiliar symptoms that I have today but it was so much of an escape at that time that I wouldn't quit.I always used to use weed to get to know people, I would smoke with them and we would have a great connection, since it wasn't that popular at the time around me, meeting with a weedsmoker and getting away from the group and just coming back high was just so much of an adventure.Now its smoked by everyone in my city just because its popular, which makes me sad.

Now, the first 10 minutes are a bit (esipacially the ritual of rolling it, and smoking it) enjoyable but after that I am just tired, even when I am laughing on weed, the high bothers me, I just can't enjoy myself so I never touch it.

Everyday tens of joints burn in front of me and I don't even take a single puff.Almost everyone I talk to wants to stop smoking weed and they always tell me how much they respect my descision of not smoking, but noone ever quits weed like I do, don't get me wrong there are people around me that don't smoke but those are the people who never do any other drugs, I am the only profile that takes chemicals but doesn't smoke weed.

I just can't like propery when there is thc in my body.

Is there anyone like me in the forum?
Or if anyone is trying to quit I can give them some tips, I would be really happy to help, it wasn't easy for me to quit.

Addiction is truly deadly.

However I have come to see addiction can vary greatly and some addictions can be healthy.

I want to discuss the concept of addiction in future entries but let me make clear right now that it is my choice whether I kill myself with drugs or live to see another day. That is my choice. No one else, nothing else can make that choice for me. And yet I don't claim to be totally capable of being powerful enough to guard against making ill choices so I rely on powers greater than myself to guide me.

Guide, not carry.

How do you get out of the dreaded friend-zone, is it actually possible? and more to the point how does it happen, I thought it was going well....... But oh know how wrong am I??? I'm in the mists of a mid life crisis ( kinda loving it) just turned 40 and recently come out of a 15 yr relationship. Am i destined to a spinster life or just need to '' get back in the game '' because at the moment its not exactly going to plan............ HELP!!!!!How do you get out of the dreaded friendzone, is it actually possible? and more to the point how does it happen, I thought it was going well....... But oh know how wrong am I??? I'm in the mists of a mid life crisis ( kinda loving it) just turned 40 and recently come out of a 15 yr relationship. Am i destined to a spinster life or just need to '' get back in the game '' because at the moment its not exactly going to plan............ HELP!!!!!

So after recently coming out of a 15 year relationship at the ripe old age of 40, the whole dating lark seems to have changed some what!! Maybe it's just i'm mega out of practice, maybe it's because at 40 I can't be arsed with all the B*ll*cks and Bull Sh*t and know what I want? And let me tell you it certainly seems that most available men of a similar age are single for a reason!!!
My problem being is that I some how seem to end up in the dreaded friend zone with anyone that I think could be a possible boyfriend/partner ( I know the word boyfriend sounds childish) and i want to know why????
Am I giving off the wrong signals? or am I unable to read the signals? am I just extra sensitive or desperate and mistaking enjoying said persons company and feeling that it is reciprocated, as more than what it actually is??
So my current Friend zone situation is, I've recently met this guy who has just moved into my village, we instantly hit it off , same sense of humour, same life ethos, morals and ethics,lots in common e.g: music tastes, food, both hippies, love of water, same age bar a year, both recently come out of long term relationships me 15yrs him 18yrs.
He has been the first man that has actually made me feel that spark again since my split, I feel happy when i'm around him, I look forward to being around him, I miss him when I'm not around him and I think about him all the time, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel special. He gives me the impression that he feels the same, he gives me lots of his attention and time, took me away on his boat for 3 days ( it's a small motor boat not a posh yacht ) and it was beautiful, the sunsets, the tranquillity of being around water, with the added bonus of no awkwardness and being with him.
Perfect I hear you all saying, just give it some time, let nature take its course and why do feel you have been friend zoned????
Well let me explain to you all why I fear I've been friend zoned. On our first proper meeting (i'd admired from afar for a week or so) I'd sent my wing women in to find out some details e.g relationship status, where he lived etc etc at this current point i was working behind the bar in my local with an hour to go before I finished. So my insecure self with my eyes on the prize decided that if i had a couple of dutch courage drinks (large savs) pre flirt that I would come across funnier, more interesting and ouze self confidence, which I did or I thought / Felt like I did. We carried on drinking throughout the late afternoon into the evening , I obviously becoming drunker and drunker and louder and louder , to be fair not just me him too, we were enjoying each others company. There was a table with about 8 of us on but it felt like it was just us and we were in our own little zone, our common interests and sense of humour were becoming more and more apparent, I was flirting ( or thought I was flirting) he was flirting (or I thought he was flirting) until he invited me back to his for a night cap, at this point I totally thought I was in and that my plan had worked. Once back at his, which I'd presumed he lived at alone, he said his step son of 18yrs old lived there too, not a problem I thought , not recognising how hammered I actually was ( a loud, over bearing weirdo) I walked into what i thought was the living room , but was actually said step sons bedroom . Now any normal person would've apologised and left as he had his girlfriend in his room , and given that they'd never met me before a quick whoops sorry would've been quite enough, but not me , well I did apologise but my actually words , whilst looking at his girlfriend were '' God I'm sorry , didn't realise this was your room good job you weren't noshing him off ''. I can't really remember much else about what I actually said, but lets just say tact has always been something I've lacked, so I can imagine my deliverance of '' I really like you'' may have come out as '' I want to fuck you or I want your dick'' I know, I know this isn't how a lady should talk but I was pissed!!! Unfortunately the one thing I can remember is him saying that he really liked me too and could see us becoming great friends, but that was it !!!
I was gutted that i'd miss read all the signals, but like I say loved spending time with him , so thought i'm just gonna have to suck it up and just enjoy (however hard) a friendship with him and nothing more, plus I realising i needed to brush up on my signals radar. But then he starts giving me signals, taking me away for 3 days when i needed it most, chilling me right out. The first night away we had a little kiss , and a little fiddle , to point the point that I had to tell him to stop as i didn't want to be making loads of sex noises in front of Damo, but I think that turned him on? Not him wanting Damo to hear, but for me to have to hold it all in and teasing me to the point of almost cumming
So after this i'm thinking maybe we're not friend zoned ??? or have i just totally been used after putting myself out there straight away???
So if I am friend zoned is it possible to get out of? If so how?
Please Help





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Hey I?m new here

Some type of neurological flare up? Or simply an interaction from recently ingesting propylhexedrine/citemadine/alcohol within the last 24hrs? (SP?) Lots of weird pain sensations, motor control issues, muscle spasms and shaking.
Feels like I'm being administered pain relief by IM injection at times. Feel other odd sensations and notice a lot of odd abnormalities in peripheral vision. Memory is weird. Time flows at erratic paces. Urine, salvia, semen, feces, mucous all smell strange. Sometimes I get the odd sensation and smell of being in a hospital bed. Even seems at times that my sensory input is false... like I'm really hookup up to a machine and actually being tested on without being fully aware of it.
Am i just weird? Or brain tumor/problem or is my mind slowly unraveling ? Guess I can't do much about it besides try and make the most of whatever this is. Life goes on until it doesn't anymore. Deal.