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8oshit, so went to parents evening at my daughters school and she's such a little desperate to please little girl....her teacher is very pleased with her, but another teacher....miss minchin fuck shit...i let loose on that skinny big nosed cunt!! how dare she have a go at my daughter!!...so after leaving a very bewildered miss minchfuck to my son having to explain wtf had just happenned in her classroom...bought my kids some sweets from the co-op outside her school and then some sausage rolls from the bakers as it was buy one get one free, then pondered the possibility of hairdressers being a way of laundering money here in redruth
Pretty crazy to look back on my old posts and read some of them. Reminds me how resilient I used to be (or still am, and don't realize it?)
Hello reader,

Swim is an experienced tripper, he has a couple dozen Lsd trips under his belt as well as a bunch of mushroom experiences.

The other month Swim decided to try candyflipping but ended up receiving an Xtc pill from his backup plug that had no aroma of ?Black Liquorice? and had a very long comeup. Despite my concerns about the authenticity of the MDMA pill & that it was more likely methylone or something of the type, Swim had a successful if not, interesting trip full of strange machinescapes with goofy, 2D turning gears and cogs as well as pistons and gauges pumping steam.

Wouldnt say it it was beautiful but it did give him some interest in the combination of Xtc & lsd. I did take around 700-800 ug that night and ended up in the bath tub for hours.

However, the other week Swim finally got his hands on some genuine MDMA from his trusted source. He had two 160ug lsd tabs left and some half-dried B+ cubensis. Swim decided tripping would be fun with a pal so he invited his friend ?Kris? over whilst his parents were away. Kris is a fan of tripping but does it much less in frequency than Swim but almost always has a positive experience on his lower doses.

Swim had finished work at 8pm and had met Kris on the way home.

Swim decided the acid, being the longest lasting substance made the most sense to drop first.

9:00pm - Swim & Kris dropped 160ug of lsd each whilst setting up the Xbox into the front room and ensuring that the trip space was clean and pleasing on the eye.

9:45pm - Swim is feeling the Lsd & is enjoying the buzz.

9:55pm - Kris starts to laugh and talks about how strong the acid is this time.

10:30pm - Swim dropped half 220mg pink Tesla pill. Kris isn?t a fan of MDMA and thus chooses to pass on the Mandy.

11:00pm - After hitting a bong each we decided to go out for a walk & to smoke a joint down the road. Swim is forced to wear sunglasses as the street lamps are appearing overly bright, each beam of light becoming a strange purple flower that blossomed open the more Swim stared.

12:00am - Complete ecstasy, Swim is enveloped in Dmt-esc overlayed faces that were both an imagine of person?s face viewed from head on & side on simultaneously. For 30 minutes straight Swim chain smokes cigarettes whilst not being able to see anything other than incredible visuals. Kris is complaining that one minute he is tripping extra hard, next moment not at all. Also complaining of headaches and nausea.

1:00am - Swim decided to brew the B+ boomers into a tea and requested the help of Kris.

1:15am - After incredible laughter & mess the brew was completed. Much to my surprise - before adding half a jar of honey (Kris was complaining tha if he tasted shrooms he would throw up) - the liquid brew turned bright blue signalling strong presence of psilocybin.

2:00am - Once we sorted the lift home out for Kris, we decided to chug our half?s of the brew ( more accurately Swim took 3/4 Kris took 1/4)
Swim also dropped the other half of the pill.

2:30am - After Kris left the vicinity, the boomers made Swim feel very ?melty? or ?gooey?, went into an instensley visual yet cognitively confusing state of mind where he found himself writing things down to make sense of it.

2:45am - Swim began to imagine a huge neon ?Foo dog? face that was heavily blue & orange. It came to Swim in a very angry/irritable mood.
Every negative thought Swim had it snarled & gnashed it?s teeth together. However Swim would then follow it up with a positive thought & the reaction from the Foo dog would be intense audible laughter as well as a cheeky grin. It became immediately apparent to Swim that this image was a representation of the shrooms and it was trying to teach me to look at the world in a more optimistic fashion. Towards the end of the night it had convinced Swim he needs to experience more of the world & he then booked a holiday.

4:30am - Swim finally manages to get to sleeps after countless bongs.

Other notes - It was later brought to Swims attention by Kris that on the journey home he had seen himself sat in the back of the car smoking cigarettes with his eyes closed. Despite the fact he was in the front seat fully aware he wasn?t actually smoking.

Hope you enjoyed Swims report & if any other Swimmers have experienced a similar trip, he would appreciate a response :)
tried Kratom yesterday, bought some 'extract' thought it'd be white powder for some reason and its dark brown granular stuff defo not for snorting as i learnt yesterday.....oh fuck that!!!....so youtube helped, dash n splash....t-spoon of the stuff washed down ....trouble yesterday was i'd already taken phenibut so was difficult to decipher what was doing what, this morning i just 'dash n splash' and tbh ....wtf!?? and cost bloody enough, if only i had contacts as illegal drugs i could buy cheaper and would be more effective.....so i anticipate the 4th pull off my mimosa extraction....come to think of it...that is what i should do right now
so fucking bored i wish i could get high...got tiny bit of mimosa left but not the time to go through extraction process....plus been wondering whether extreme headache was down to being poisoned by colmans fuel consumption...

still...loved tripping out like that...kids dad coming down, he's a drunk and is likely to drink, talk bollox, ramble while i try and watch a movie (i know i ramble on here...but believe it or not...i'm not much of a talker...well, except when i'm pissed off and calling people 'cunts' but really that does not happen often....kinda bizare though that i've been going to these docs for about 15 years on and off.....at least 11 years constantly and collecting medication....on the odd occaision they get everything right....its a walk in walk out satisfying experience.....most of the time there's a que....of recent years i have developed aggraphobia so leaving me house is a trauma and i will wait for my daughter to come home from school...or walk with my mum.....i'll at times tut and be obviously peeved at having to wait around to get my medication sorted....the other day i let rip......now....they all seem to recognise me by sight......they are ott pleasant and go out of their way to help......shouting 'cunt' seems to get things done...

yes i know i've made spelling errors but could not give a flying fuck

this is boring and don't read it as its pointless crap

no really, its shite

the world is shit and is only bareable on drugs
Long story short I am an addict I was using heroin for a long time until I caught an infection in my spine from iv drug use and got really sick. Due to multiple surgeries I am now prescribed oxycodone 20mg . I haven?t used heroin in months but as soon as i was hospitalized I was in a dilaudid pump then switched to Oral oxys... so I?ve been taking the oxycodone for about 4 months now and like i said I?m an addict so of course I wanna feel better at times so I take more. Snorting it does absolutely nothing for me not even a rush. Taking it orally in higher doses I do feel something. Well now my doctor wants to switch me to OxyContin and I?m not sure since I?ve only taking OCs not the OPs and just need opinions on 1) if switching will actually help with the pain I?m having and 2) can it get me high if I wanna use it. I don?t need stories telling me I?m going down a dark road lol because Im pretty sure I already knew that when shooting dope caused my spine to be fucked up for the rest of my life... plus I?ve been doing drugs for 13 years and I?m only 26. So I get it. I really am just trying to find the right meds to actually help with the pain. I don?t know what else to do ...
I feel like i'm stuck in this horrible fucking life and no matter what, it will never get better. sad thing is,,,, it's just me. everyone else is fine. im exploding inside. id rip my hair out if i hadnt already shaved it off.=( was almost to my butt. first i took scissors taking it all the way to my chin. that lasted a couple months then after talking to myself all day, i decided for another change. shaved it. its growing back now, but shit i hope it grows back lol. i look worse now. like a fucking ugly ass butch w cancer.. well, i may have cancer which is the shitty part. but thats the least of my worries. I NEED TO FIND MYSELF! that bitch run off and left me with nothing but pain. im about to throw the towel in. i was never a quitter.... which is why i went through so much bc my dumb ass thought i could change the world lmao. fucking joke.
so my week so far, yesterday i blew a caskit at my docs with my daughter in tow....storming out shouting they were 'all a bunch of fucking cunts'....the crime?? not having my prescription of co-codamol ready to collect....it's not the first time and my doctor works part time so nothing could be done but....how dare they!! ....so today i phone and notice how very polite and nice they are....of course they remembered me.....i guess ots not a daily thing some a mother comes stomping into the surgery infront of a waiting room full of prospective patients and demands they sort their fucking selves out for fucks sake at the tops of their voice and then departs screaming they're all a bunch of cunts then helpfully hold the door open for a mother carrying her baby who has decided she does not wish to walk out the open door held by me....the maniac 'cunt' shouter.

........the duty doctor prescribed me 8....a days amount....along with a 9:30am appt with my doctor tomorrow......i'm with my mother this time....she is the unrecognized 'Mother Theresa' of the UK born with the scars of stigmata....definately not a 'cunt' shouter.....and also very appalled at learning about my behaviour yesterday....she accompanied me today....i did not call them cunts today....i was nice...i also noticed that the lady at the pharmacy knew me by sight (i must've spoken with her on the phone.....i guess news must've travelled about the crazy cunt shouter from yesterday....and no-body wanted to be on the receiving end today)........not sure if thats a good thing...but she was ever so nice....the lady at the prescription desk was also nice....i handed over a card to give to their colleague....the one who bore the brunt of my 'cunt' shouting yesterday.....it was a random greetings card i had purchased years ago...one of them random 'one off' type cards with a gesture not for everyday...but one that you buy (coz its cheap mostly...in the bargain bin)....as you forsee a time in the future when the message might be appropriate....this was the day that i managed to appropriately use my
'please forgive me' card (with a picture of a crying bear) inside with a sad moon face and the words 'even i sometimes make mistakes'

.........i wrote an appropriate eulogy 'dear manor surgery staff sorry for my behaviour i know you were only trying to help'....it doesn't exactly excuse me but at least its a gesture of regret.

rest of the day i've spent smoking my magic tobacco and phylosiphising (<<spelt wrong but fuck it) my life....then thought 'hey lets type on my blog...get it off my shoulders'....i'm going to practice developing psychopathic traits so i dont experience the guilt and desperation i experience after telling my doctors to go fuck themselves.

Coming from a Bible belt state it was mind blowing! All the different strains! 30 percent thc. It was like heaven. The prices suck but whatever it's las Vegas all the prices suck
So I have been wanting to grow a DMT containing plant for a while, but I'm having issues finding one that's not the size of a tree. Does anyone know of a houseplant-sized plant that has a decent yield?
So I have been wanting to grow a DMT containing plant for a while, but I'm having issues finding one that's not the size of a tree. Does anyone know of a houseplant-sized plant that has a decent yield?
I cant take this, any of it. I am fucked up in my head so fucking much. I cant take anymore of his fucking drunk arguments, shit talk, everyday to me. I fucking hate myself enough as it is and he didnt plan to move in and help me get better. He's just making it WORSE BY THE SECOND for me. I just want to fucking die. If I had a way to get some drugs, any drugs, I would and just drown my fucking sorrows. I am here 24/7 BY MYSELF NO MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING. I FEEL LIKE I AM BEING CONTROLLED AGAIN. Hes lost his fucking mind. No way we can ever be together, he wont change. I regret taking the phone he gave me on his plan. I cant even fucking drive to a casino to get away w out him online tracking me. Seeing who I call and text. questioning EVERY MOTHER FUCKING THING I DO. I KNOW I HAVE A PROBLEM. DUH! HELLO!!!! I FUCKING TOLD YOU I DID DUMB FUCK. THIS IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE HEALTHY. FOR ME, HIM OR MY KIDS. AND HE JUST DRINKING WALKING AROUND TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME LOUDLY SO I CAN HEAR. IM A "NARCISSIST LIKE MY EX" "IM A FUCKING BITCH WHORE LIAR SHITTY ASS PARENT." HE SAYS. Oh, but everytime he is sorry dont mean it and loves me. NOT. what is this a fucking joke. WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANT TO COME HOME TO ALL THIS SHIT. NOT ME. EVER. WHICH IS WHY I QUIT. IM THROWING THE TOWEL IN. I CANT DO IT ANYMORE. HE WINS. KEVIN WINS, MICHELE ALREADY WON, THEY ALL DID. CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS MOTHER FUCKERS YA HAPPY.
.....So i go to bed last night feeling like shit, my head felt like it was being ripped to shreds with a blunt object.......was worried whether i'd make my docs appt, which i felt was fucking pointless anyway.....

Dr to me......'so what can i do for you?' (this is pretty much her first question everytime except the time she diagnosed me......

me to Dr.....'err could you please sort out my medicine so i can collect it without causing a scene?'

Dr to me...' i think i might be being un-professional after that incident you best keep collecting a pittance weekly'

me to Dr...' if i wanted to kill myself i would jump off the bridge in town...i would not overdose so my kids could come home and find a dead mother'

we continue in this pointless dialogue and i shout 'CUNT' and walk out

i look for another 'please forgive me' card
&#8203;i honestly feel like i am announcing my end of days on this earth and no not a cry for help as way beyond that...help?? isnt that what a doctor does ?? my doctor has a fucked up time with me..........
w anybody who seems to have a pointi can use any colour and dress it up anyway i like and there is no fucking point behind any of this...and people follow anyone who seems to have a point...jeez what is wrong with the human race??....why are drugs illegal anyway when you can walk into a fucking pharmacist and their back is littered with drugs all packaged up in nice little boxes as they 'fix' people who are broken..

and what about legalising fucking drugs...huh?? why the fuck not??

people have the freedom of choice and not everyone is going to decide to take drugs but whether or not they are legal is besides the fucking point when most people in power are stuffing the shit into their veins and up their noses in a prestine mansion its all the fucking same

excuse my language but dont read if you are easily offended

yes i like to say fuck shit cunt bastard bitch arsehole and any other stupid arse simple words that really are just that words

we can speak and we can all decide to sleep eat etc....but drugs are illegal and i'm killing myself by self poisoning myself with colmans fuel soaked crystals....which would be best...that i could walk into a shop and buy drugs and know what i was getting, or resort to google in an attempt to get high...

where is the logic in this fucked up world
Nah but things are crazy. Just got out of another fucking phych hospital. I think every admission brings me another step closer to hell. I know this one did. First they cut me off suboxone with only clonidine and robaxin the worlds worst muscle relaxer to ease any of the pain. Luckily the half life held off the sickness for 4 of the 5 days i was there but facing down that kind of sickness and not knowing when or if you can get well is not something i would wish on my worst enemy. Its just mental torture I don't know how people survive kicking maintenance habits in jail I really don't but massive sympathy to those that have or will in the future.

So I got out yesterday got to the sub doctor today and my prescription is ready at the pharmacy. Please pray my mom gets here before 10 so we can get it. I dont know if ill survive another night of this. This is like the bad old days all over again. I swear i thought i was done with this part of my life. Well I guess not huh?

So to recap I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, adhd, and complex-ptsd. That is a mouthful. Oh and im a drug addict. Fuck
This world is really a cold place when your alone. I don't have any friends anymore. I just want a warm body to share this existence with.
is it bad parenting to (and he thinks i'm joking) ask your own son to get you a dealer and tell him you'll give him a tenner??.....&#8203;then guilty as charged but also fucking desperate as fuck to get high and escape this miserable fucked up cesspit
it really is a sorry state of affairs when you are parented by your 9 year old daughter whilst tripping your nut off on mimosa what the fuck and the focus it took on right yes i know how to give you a bath......try and not look like your tripping your face off


so i'm still tripping off my magic tobacco (soaked in colmans fluid and crystals) and my son tells me he ate half a cake for dinner....the signifigance of this...he has school meals...free school meals, why is my son coming home saying he ate half a cake for dinner??

maybe i need to go to his school and shout at them and call them a bunch of useless cunts...it is a tempting idea...i'm known to do random crazy things so i guess i

my son asked me if we can get pumpkins this year...i tell him no...i don't like pumpkins he doesn't like pumpkins, we won't eat the pumpkin, pumpkins cost a load of money and take a load of effort for very little reward but if he really wants pumpkins then he can buy a pumpkin and do all the work...his reply..'sorry??'...i think he senses there is something wrong with Mummy as Mummy is talking funny....he will not leave the accompanying sofa and we carry on in silence with a sense of 'fore-boding' or is that just me??

so back to legalising drugs...if drugs were legal i would not be screaming at people to go fuck themselves...i am broken and nothing will fix me...i can be ok with this if i can self medicate...i know myself and what works and doesn't work for me but am unable to purchase my own drugs so i try and make some.....consuming colmans fuel surely has to be more harful to oneself than being able to walk into somewhere and purchase MPA cos that kept me 'ok' and clean house and happy kids....now i consume colmans fluid with the teeniest ammount of DMT from Mimosa bark as i looked on google
.....so there's this thing in the UK where you are interviewed by a 'health care specialist' or HCS for short, which is actualy somebody employed by the government to ensure they do not have to pay you anything as you're totally fit for work...when in fact the opposite may be true....i should think wandering into one's doctors surgery and shouting 'cunts' might be perfectly reasonable behaviour in 'cuntsville' but generally...people don't do it, it's kinda a 'no-no'.....i did not intend and plan before going to my doctors that i would leave shouting they were all a bunch of fucking cunts yesterday...no...i was simply going to pick up my fortnightly medication agreed with myself and my doctor at our last consultation where she finally realised that prozac was not going to have me wandering happily into the sunset cured of all ailments...no i had a 'condition'...i am broken machinery....i have a faulty mechanism...i shout 'cunt' in doctors surgeries...i have borderline personality disorder and therefore beyond her training to cure..

where is this all going

where am i going?

where are any of us going?

anyhoo's i have this thing called a 'tribuneral' coming up at some point but no date yet...as the HCP considered me fit for work...nothing wrong...absolutely fine, i'll just ignore the fact that you clearly have not washed and say you are well kempt and the fact you can barely construct a legible sentence and you're telling me want to sleep and never wake up...perfectly normal...scars all up and down both arms..not a problem.....so she constructs imaginary things about my typical day where i do housework and cook meals...anyone looking at my house see's this not to be the case......i have not washed for months...no i am not proud, i am deeply ashamed...since when is it a hardship to go into water and get clean??....when you are suffering from a fucking mental disorder...fucks sake some stupid french cunt knocked me off my fucking bike when i was 10 and fucking broke my little happy head and turned it into this frazzled stinking heap of a human who is desperate to self medicate but cxannot as the fucking government decided to ban the stuff...so now i consume colmans fuel soaked crystals in a bid for escapism....

but surely i am quite obviously fucking fine

i sent off a hand written 'epic' letter of 14 sides with my blood smeared all over the envelope...just to make a point...actualy...i stabbed my thumb with the pen lid and my thumb bled onto the envelope...on realising this i decide to make the most of it and smear as much blood over it as i could squeeze out of that little stabbing.....i self harm on a regular basis so it is on my mind to send another letter this time writing with my blood and not a pen....2 for the price of one....the self harm release and not a waste of the blood that i bleed.....but...i'm totally fine..there could be one of me working in the booth next to you and you will not know until that day that they begin yelling 'CUNT' and everyone and slashing their arms with a paperclip...but that is all quite normal

according to that stupid fucktard 'fiona the HCP' perfectly fucking normal CUNT
Dad its been three years today that I had to say goodbye to you, watching you die in front of me was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do....

Mom and I are fine, we miss you very much but we take it one day at a time.

I am still angry that you had to leave us the way you did, why didn't you listen to me and go to the doctor? Why did you feel the need to suffer the way you did?

I kind of feel like you just gave up, like you gave up on us. I would have done anything to have saved you and made you better again but you refused my help.

I hope that wherever you are you are that you are at peace.

Love your daughter,
BehindtheShadow

xxx
Greetings, this is my first post on this forum and researching different teks and ways to grow mushrooms in monotubs, I have started my first "batch". I have a pretty laid out/written out procedure for every step of the process, but I am still stuck on the slow or no growth of the mycelium within my substrate jars. Below is my explanation regarding situation regarding my inoculation process and colonization period. NOTE: THIS IS MY FIRST GROW ATTEMPT, bare with me :)

I used 6 half pint pre-sterilized subtrate mason jars that are filled with bee pollen, verm and some coco coir. There is a verm layer on the top of each, while the bee pollen is on the bottom portion of each jar. Each jar had 4 small, syringe sized holes made through the lid. I also used a Burma spore syringe (10cc).

When it was time to mix the spores into the jars, I sterilized the entire area, wore gloves, a hat, and had a sterile sterilite tub over my head to avoid any air contams that might reach the jars during the process. I also had a soaked (rubbing alcohol) paper towel for the syringe to rest on inbetween jars.

This is where I get worried.

Once I prepared all ingredients (sterilized and all), I began injecting spores. I shook up the syringe moderately beforehand, but still saw many of the spores were localized in the middle. Nonetheless, I was confident there would be enough spores spread out in the syringe that it would still work. I ended up injecting roughly 1.5cc-2cc of spore juice into each jar (WHICH IN RETROSPECT IS A LOT), but I felt it might speed up colonization and I needed to use the syringe anyways. Around my 3rd jar, I saw that a majority of the spores that were once localized were FINALLY being pushed out. I am very nervous that I put too many spores in one jar, and left far too few for any of the others. After I finished inoculating, I covered them all with tin foil and a rubberband for the night, in a warm/dark place.

The next day I picked up micropore tape and replaced the tin foil and rubberband on the tops of each with tape over the 4 holes for FAE. I have them now placed in my closet, with a space heater nearby that maintains a temp from 80-90 degrees F. The space heater fluctuates quite a bit, and I am worried there also isnt enough consistent heat. Humidity in the closet is also very low (10-40%). It has been 5 days now and not a single bit of mycelium is forming. The jars themselves are sitting in a contractor bag with tin foil lining the edges to trap heat. The bag itself is opened enough for FAE, but closed enough for no light to enter. I have been checking on the jars once a day since I inoculated.

NOTE: during the moving process/replacement of tin foil with micropore tape, the jars themselves were shaken and slightly tipped unintentionally.

Overall, I feel that only one jar will actually colonize, and that I fucked up the other 5 and wasted far too many spores. However, I am trying to remain positive and confident that the spores will do its job over time and germinate no matter how many are there. I just need some advice on whether I should retry with another batch of jars and different syringe (also shaking the syringe far more and being more precise). Should I wait it out a few more days? Is humidity a big factor when colonizing? And, would any of the above information/procedures worry you if this were to happen to you. I am open to any and all comments, my apologizes if there is already a thread for this, but I have been searching forever and haven't found anything this specific.

:\:?
If this works, greenlighters can now post blogs. If not, I probably broke it.

- Tranced
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