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blah blah blah ....................................................y'know i need to learn how to copy and paste as its all along the sides >>>>>>>>> i began as a green and now its late and i gotta go to bed and wait for frozen things and y'know like stuff

a dialogue with a skeptic

"because we can't be sure we're experiencing even without accepting that something experience-like is going on instead, life has no meaning."

"so you're saying if you are not completely experiencing an alternative to experience, and you can't be sure you're experiencing, then life has no meaning."

"yes!"

"by what percentage of uncertainty do you doubt you're experiencing?"

"100%"

"so one full unit of doubt negates all meaning?"

"yes."

"how much does a partial unit of doubt negate meaning?"

"100%"

"then each partial unit of doubt is also doubt. that observation won't help you, though. if you doubted not at all, how much meaning would be restored."

"if i didn't doubt, life would have meaning."

"what would make you stop doubting?"

"nothing."

"then, sir, you believe life has no meaning, you aren't doubting that life has no meaning."

"how does this help me?"

"it doesn't. it means you're ready to go home from treatment."

or alternate ending,

"how does this help me?"

"beliefs change based upon opinions. opinions themselves can change from experience. i will lead you on a journey to believe in the world, and it begins with smoked salmon and cream cheese on a homemade cracker."

"that's disgusting."

"so hope tastes bad for you?"

"no, that's disgusting."

"as i have ascended from gourmand to healer, I demand you eat the cracker to get better, or else go home because you aren't willing to experience the things necessary to believe in the world. you aren't a skeptic unless you've denied everything, at least twice, because otherwise you might have been wrong the first time."

"i'm unwilling to eat your cracker, sir gourmand, and now i also doubt i am a skeptic. I must be a nihilist."

"then you may as well be my slave. i'll treat you better than your beliefs."

"because the burden of proof is on the one requiring proof, i must accept this proposition."

"then eat the cracker."

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+JohnMorrisSorcerer
https://www.facebook.com/john.morris.5099/

So

Today I had no work booked
I'd arranged - set in calendar stone weeks ago, firmed up yesterday - to meet my friend for a walk on a beach at 1230

Anticipated after-school & evening commitments were whisked away in the sweep of my ex's long-suffering Cinderella's broom at short notice

If we crash it's been real y'all. Good and loaded on Ativan so I'm straight with whatever's. Hopefully I get there so I can try out the recreational pot. Really looking forward to that!


Much love
Andrew

Bluelight I hate when I stay away for so long this is my special secret corner of the internet. And here I am again only because I fell down again. But so much has happened in the meantime and I can't wait to write it out.

"Page after page of sniping rage from a British poet or an American sage. When you shine in the public eye, my dear, please remember these words. So I sit and I smile and I say, 'Well done,' to the Boy Least Likely To..."--

Stephen Patrick Morrissey, to me, early 1990s.

I will never forget you, Sir. I don't forget anyone.

14 days sober 😁 had a couple of vinos here and there but NO drugs. This is a fkn first in about 6 or 7 years. Holy shit!

So I've decided to get sober. Wish me luck.

Your Young Men Will Have Visions.
And Your Old Men Will Dreams.
#blessed

You are bored of opiates. You have a headache. You feel like you’re going to be sick.

The headache is an unrelenting tension in your temples, as if your brain is pulsating, breathing, up against your skull. The nausea comes in unforeseeable waves, making you wonder whether you’ll be violently sick suddenly. Your eyes, somehow, hurt. You are completely apathetic right now. You feel and think that you should be doing something, but you don’t know what. You’ll probably just lie around all day, doing nothing, staring at the ceiling, hoping the headache goes away.

YOU ARE BORED OF OPIATES.

You don’t even enjoy the stone. You convince yourself at the time you do – but you know deep down it’s not even one tenth as enjoyable now as it was when you started. You can’t give them up though because you’re addicted. You stay clean for a few days, maybe two weeks, then let nostalgia trick you into dabbling. Even after long breaks you find yourself bored with the experience!

So using opiates isn't fun anymore from a recreational perspective. The negatives far outweigh the positives. How are you going to not let good memories of the experience trick you into believing they’ll happen again if you just give yourself a tolerance break, or potentiate, or lie to yourself that it’s not impacting your life in a negative way?

Perhaps when those moments arrive that you feel convinced a dabble wouldn't hurt, you should read this. Perhaps you should read the sobriety log you wrote up in which you had very unpleasant withdrawals. Perhaps you should look at your life, and the change you desperately need, as something that can catapult you to greater happiness than what you can conceive right now through your blurry, over-opiated eyes.

Don’t be afraid of change. It’s time to be brave. As the saying goes, “learn to adapt and to change, or get washed away like tears in the rain.”

Saw this at work today, thought I would share it because it really helps you look at the optimism side of everything.

Got married, moved to Hong Kong. Reading my prior posts is kinda fucking weird. I've grown up so much but still a fucking addict.

My mom is having trouble affording one of her prescriptions. She needs the name brand because the generic to has adverse side effects for her( and insurance company won?t play ball).

In light of this, I have been researching prescription assistance programs and discount cards. I thought I would share what I have found so that it can hopefully help somebody else. Please note that this only applies to the USA as far as I know.

There are several different types of discounts that may be available depending on ones unique situation.

First off, some of the major manufacturers of name brand medicine offer discounts on specific medications. For example when I first started taking migraine medicine, I was able to get a discount from Pfizer which lowered the ridiculously high co-pay to half. However this discount was only for the first year of treatment. I presented a medication specific discount card to the pharmacy. Pfizer was very clear that this program was only for patients Who had insurance which was not state insurance. Because of the limited time factor, there were no income requirements, I just had to print a card off the internet.

Another option for someone whose specific medication is not covered by insurance is something called the national prescription savings network. From what I can tell the program works because the network offers marketing services to major manufacturers who stand a lose money when patients get generic drugs. In exchange for their marketing, they receive a payment each time the card is used. Presumably, this payment is higher than the discount they offer you, so they are able to pay the difference to the pharmacy and keep the profits.

Thirdly (and lastly), there?s government programs and charity programs (I think all of these are income dependent and some stipulate that one not have any outpatient RX coverage). See http://www.lehman.cuny.edu/faculty/jfleitas/bandaides/medicine.html

EDMA

"There Is No Reason For EDMA To Make Sense."--PiHKAL.

I STILL HEART YOU.

BOO



FRED [19]



FREDDY

JASON [17] --> N-methyl-DON. Good for sex.

Just



Anybody else here ever noticed an upside Nike symbol on Newport cigarette packs? Pleasure To Burn!



MENTHOL

JEFFERSON TREVOR DAVIS



AUNT EVELYN



EMILY

Bon ape tit!!!

* * * * *

The Mike stands for $ & the D is for diamonds... [/I ]

https://opsin.ch.cam.ac.uk/opsin/1-(2-methoxy-4,5-methylenedioxyphenyl)-2-aminopropane.png[/PHP]

BERT

[IMG]https://opsin.ch.cam.ac.uk/opsin/1-(2-methoxy-4,5-methylenedioxyphenyl)-2-ethylaminopropane.png

ERNIE

From Sesamol (3,4-MDO-phenol).

Open Sesame.
Sesame Street.
I Can Always Tell You How to Get To Sesame Street, Baby.
Of course, BERT & ERNIE are gay. Do you live under a rock ppl? They're just happy.

Thus Spake Zarusthrustra

Twas The Night B4 Christmas. All way Quiet In Da House. Not A Creature Was Stirring. Not Even A Mouse! The Chillren Wuz All Sleepin. And Visions Of



SUGARPLUMS

Danced In Their Lil Heads.

A Young Buck (MRB)<--not to be confused with MBW (MOBY).

The N-methyl version:
JOHN DEERE (JEAP or Scott B.)

The N-ethyl version:
JANE DOE MARTIN

Jane's Addiction. (band)

The N-propyl version:
BAMBI (a Disney moovie)

Save A Buck Or Two.

He Who Lives By The Truth Comes Into The Light, So That It May Be Plainly Seen That What He Has Done Has Been Done Through G O D.

NEVER>

They say writing down your feelings and expressing yourself is good for you. So here I go:

When I was younger my psychologist would tell me to keep a journal. However, every time I did all I would write was angry nonsense. I would never enter more than two days because there was no satisfaction in writing down depressing bull crap.

Now that my life has begun to improve, I feel like I can actually write and not seem like a psychopath. It's funny how just the little changes can have a positive snowball effect on so many other facets of life. I don't know what this blog will turn into, probably just stupid blurbs about the emotions I'm feeling at the moment (which I guess what a blog is).

I live such a double life. On my first side I am a sweet, high excelling student, with a bright outlook on life. On the second side, I am a depressed and dark soul without anybody to talk to or confide in. Everybody believes in the first side that I always portray. If I didn't portray this first side, I wouldn't be able to make it through schooling or just everyday life. However, I always have to be in touch with my second side. It is such a careful balance between the two, like two poles on a magnet that keep each other perfectly attracted and repulsed at the same time.

I have bad anxiety at times, anxiety that will make me literally hide from socialization. After all, what is the point of socializing with people that you will never truly be connected to? All they see (and all they want to see) is my first side. They refuse to accept an imperfect me. I feel that because of this, I have never had a true friend.

I've considered going to a doctor or seeing a psychiatrist about this problems, but I feel as if I can't maintain my first side and good image towards other people if I do. It would ruin my upcoming professional life as I am trying to become a MD. I guess you could say I've done a good job at hiding my second side, for several years....

My mother is a bipolar and my father was an antisocial genius so I've got some pretty interesting genetics. Sometimes I feel so scared that I will become just like my mother. I ponder these things quite often, but just keep pushing them to my 2nd darker side. I know at one point I'll either have to face these feelings or I would just crack under the pressure.

My day-to-day life is pretty mundane really
Unexpected encounters such as just-now when I'd ordinarily have been asleep, keep me alive

I'm in my bedroom, noisy fan combatting the uncharacteristic English Summer night heat (oh wella wella) & obliterating external noise
It's after midnight, but I think I hear a knocking on my house somewhere
Turn off the fan to hear better
Hear 'Hello?' from outside
I call 'Hello' back from inside the bedroom with small window open & curtains closed, thinking the hello probably isn't intended for me but I'll answer in case it is (fortunately I've gone beyond the paranoid jitters phase of the evening & have graduated to the chilled, pissed, sleepsoon zone)

Turns out the 'Hello' person (male, late teen) was trying to get my (or person in my house) attention
I open the upstairs bedroom window & lean out (am wearing vest top that I literally changed into minutes before, out of industrial-strength sports bra
I have no idea now I think about it, what was displayed in the window-leaning)
Bike abandoned at the bottom of my front garden
Young man calling at the top
Do you have a cat?

'Yes, I have two, why?'
'Have you seen them recently cos I just saw a fox fighting some cats in the park & one of them was injured'

I know I've seen one of them five minutes ago because I went to the toilet & he gave me the shock of my life lying on the toilet lid when I walked in & then let me hold & talk to him for more than 10 seconds when I lifted him off, which is very unusual
I look to my left & see the other cat, lying on my neighbours' steps, which is her favourite spot & tell him that my other cat is here too, feel selfishly I'm alright jack & quiz him on his experience & am incredulous that a fox attacked a cat in the park in front of him, asking him if he's sure it wasn't a dog?

'No, it was red & about this big' measuring in the air with his hands

I laugh out of the window & he says, 'I know I know, teenager knocking on your door in the middle of the night, but I haven't smoked anything or taken anything, & the bloke at the house over there told me to fuck off cos he had kids asleep, but I'm just really worried that someone's cat is badly injured & I want them to know'

I feel mean now, laughing & say 'oh bless you' patronisingly a few times
I asked what the cat attacked looked like & he says 'tiger stripes'
Then
'Do you remember me?'

Sudden realisation
'Oh, you spoke to me when I was mowing the garden the other day?'
Yes
(You're the little fucker stood right by my house with phone in hand while I was sweatily strimming & burning my skin on the bits I couldn't reach with the Factor 50 , who I was worried would nip in the house with open front door due to extension lead running out & when you became aware that I knew, engaged me in middle-class polite-boy conversation, phone in hand throughout)

I advise him to go home & not worry about it & the injured tiger-striped cat will probably go home to its owners & they'll be able to sort it out

I truly want to believe that he is good people & I'm a mean, cynical bitch but I have a horrible feeling I'm going to feature in some fucked-up mad cat lady You tube video