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so i was trying to get my hands on some acid- friend didnt come thru so i decided to take the molly and white elephant i had lying around for so long

I hadn't rolled in 3 months and have only done single pills with a weight about 230 and height of 5'7
So this Molly + white elephant (super clean! (caffeine b/c by the time we got there i was tired a/f)) would be my biggest dose

Snook the pills in my sock, they thoroughly checked our upper and lower bodies upon entrance, I saw a cop with a dog and got a bit nervous, thinking it would sniff me out so i hurried upon entrance, it didnt .

I went over to the bathroom and went into one of the rooms, unzipped my pants (in case theres cameras) and reached down to get the molly from my sock.

I popped it then and there. Didn't uncap it or anything.

So about an hour and 15 minutes in the space mountain line i begin to feel slightly different, it was around 1:30 am and i knew we would leave at around 6 AM the next morning. I popped the white elephant.

Space mountain came and i had minor effects, coming off the ride and the flash from the picture blinding me definitely was a good sign for me. The lights didn't seem like just lights when i was inside, not to mention the colorful tunnel u go through, was wonderful but wasn't rolling as hard as i hoped just yet.

I abandon my friends for some other friends and head over to the dance floor, at this point im sweating quite a bit and begin to dance - making the situation worse, but hell, i was happy as f. The Graduation 'Explosion' Event happens and im near a personal heaven, all i need a cute girl at my side, unfortunately i didn't see one of my female friends there

Its over and IM ROLLING TITS, people ask me if i got any beans to sell (there are undercover cops, many people got arrested/sent home so BEWARE!!) I told them no, that i had already popped them all (wtf, stupid i know,lol)

So the night goes on and im just walking around in a confused daze of utter bliss, i start asking girls if they want to dance- i got REJECTED EVERY TIME, it ain't cuz im that ugly or nothing but i think i smelled like shit from all the sweating, antiperspirant next time!

Eventually i told some other friends i came across that i was gunna try to get at a fat ugly girl. She was with a mob of other cute girls, i tapped the fat girl on the shoulder that was barely moving and said
"You look a bit bored, Care for a Dance?"
The leader of the group is a complete bitch and tells me that shes her girlfriend and that theyre all lesbians in a rude manner (what if i was really getting at that fat girl?)
I just said "Like that?" with the shitty attention span i had and walked away.
I tend to block out negativity when im rolling.

I came across a small group of people that were really cool, there was a guy being pressured to dance in the middle and sure enough with my chanting of something close to his name- he did

I was up thereafter, i shouldve stayed with those people, instead i wandered off

Got a light show and Kept Being Super Happy

Soon enough time was up- grad night was over! I couldn't believe how fast the last 4 hours past with me dancing and trying to pick up girls.

I went on the bus smelling like shit- getting bitched at but i was STILL rolling a bit. Got home at 7:40AM and my pupils are still pretty large, even now as i type this!!
Not sleepy at all and ready to fuck shit up tonight and tomorrow night (no more mdma for at least a month!)

Anyway The friends i left turned out to have a pretty bad time, so glad i wandered off on my own, perfect night would've been if i didnt smell like shit but i wouldn't change anything other than that for anything.

Stay Safe My Friends!!!!!!!!

Peace
Love
Unity
Respect

i recently stepped down as a bluelight admin. very tough decision as i feel i'm nowhere near done with the work i can do here.

some of the haters have posted lies about my departure but the truth is a lot less interesting than the nonsense they have fabricated.

the fact is that i've not been happy with the quality or the quantity of my contribution for a while now. with the move to new york, i'm going to have even less time for a few months and, while i feel i still have work to do as a bl admin, it didn't seem fair to keep the title if i wasn't contributing.

i'm moving to new york. you can follow my progress at my (off-site) blog: http://alimanson.blogspot.com

alasdair

I'm thinking about quitting my job and focusing solely on finding new and innovative ways to distribute funny pictures of cats, because that's where the money is.

I feel you were there & had a hand in the divine intervention that occurred. Thank you, Tammie. I still love & think of you daily.

Its weird, because for most of my life I didnt believe in love. I didn't see it or feel it, I didn't want it or deny it, I simply did not conceive the concept or idea of it.

It was last year that I first got a glimpse of it for the first time. I met a girl, and she was the most amazing girl I had ever met. I loved her, I really did, but she didn't love me. It was a one way street. The feeling was horrible when she told me she didn't feel the same, and my world began to spiral downwards. I felt worse than I did in my whole life. I pretended I was OK, I told people I was, I smiled and laughed when I really didn't want to.

I got over her, I wrote letter after letter, which I never sent to her, and after reading all of them, I realized... fuck that bitch. Yeah she is a nice girl, with an honest heart and good intentions, and yeah maybe im just not her type or whatever. But seriously... fuck her. She fucked me over, she knew
I was falling for her, she knew how I felt, yet she strung me along because she loved all the things I did for her, the way I treated her, the way I made her feel. She fucked me, then avoided me for a month only to never be the same again.


But this girl... this girl I met about 5 months ago, whom at first I didn't really pay that much attention to, has got me all flustered and has my heart beating faster just thinking about her. Shes amazing in every way. Shes everything I want in a girl and more. Not only is she intelligent, funny, caring, and any other awesome trait you can think of, but she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I look at her and... words cannot even begin to describe her... whether its her amazing eyes that change colour, her distinctively blonde hair or the most awesome body i've ever known.. it all just, turns me on so fucking much.


We have been hanging out for the last 3 or 4 weeks regularly, probably every 2nd day if not more, and yet unlike other people, especially girls, I just never get sick of her. We hung out for 4 days strait last week and... I still enjoyed her company as much as I did the first day if not more.


Had sex for the first time with her last week, and it was truly amazing. We've done it a few times since and each time it just gets better and more intense. I dont think I've ever had sex like this with anyone else.

And its funny, because everytime we spooned before we started having sex, I never ever could get an erection. Like I mean, she is so hot, and her body is so good, and I could just not get it up with her, until she kissed me for the first time. And since then, my libido has come back. Its like I knew subconsciously that she was not just a piece of meat like all the other girls, but that she was something different, something special, and that I wanted to love her, not fuck her.

She does so many amazing things for me and always makes me feel good about who I am as a person. It's all been honest too, and I havnt lied to her once. I see no need, and no reason too. This is one of the things I love the most about her - That she accepts and appreciates, me for who I truly am.

I'm truly attached, and I'm loving it. I'm loving her, and I'm loving love.

Some people are so un-knowledgeable about drugs. And it seriously drives me crazy. I mean both drug users and non drug users.

I research what I'm putting into my body, I test my stuff, and I know where it's coming from. I will *very rarely* just put random stuff into my body (I did a couple times in the beginning but I have learned from that!).

People who have been using for much longer than I do are fine with doing three caps of mdma in a night, two nights a week, every weekend. Seriously? I don't know how they have managed to do this for years!!!

And I have a friend who mixes GHB and Ketamine which everyone who uses either SHOULD know that they make you g-out way too quickly. We are always having to look after him and it's just plain annoying! Even though he's been using much longer than I have, I told him to stop doing that after he g-ed out for the first time. I told him to stick to one per night, either G or K, but not both. Next time we're out, he does both again! Annoying.

Some drug users are completely ignorant about any drugs they don't use. You know what, I don't know anything about opiates. Or heroin. I've never used them. But I don't just go by the myths. There is this girl who used to be addicted to heroin, now she does mdma, coke, and ghb from time to time. She's been telling me all these myths about acid which is, to be honest, a lot safer than her drugs. Only a mental risk and only if you do large doses or something.

I hate having discussions with non drug users. A friend of mine was telling me that mdma and ecstasy were the exact same thing. I tried to explain that no, mdma was powder in capsules and ecstasy was a pressed pill and nooo he went onto wikipedia and believed that! Obviously wikipedia is true. The thing is, he's a really smart guy but he just doesn't believes all these myths about drugs. He also likes to go out and get so drunk that he pukes. Yeah, I'm the "bad" one.

And my sister continuously tells me how weed kills brain cells. Yeah, okay, like that has been disproved sooo long ago!!

I hate people who think they know everything. Like seriously, if I don't know something, I will just admit it. I'm not going to try to lecture you on opiates because I don't know anything about them. Or even another subject. I'm not going to pretend I know everything about basketball because I know nothing about it! So I will just admit that I don't know it.

I really wish I knew a way to give these people the truth ... to get rid of these myths ... if anyone has any ideas please tell me!

So last year I committed myself to the EMT program at the school I was attending. I ended up dropping the program because I thought it was something that I didn't want to do. I've been putting a lot of thought into it lately and I've come to the decision that the only reason that I didn't feel right in the program was because I was too drugged up to comprehend the things going on in school. That had some pretty overwhelming effects on me and made me think I didn't want to do it anymore.

A recent decision to abstain from drugs for an extended period of time has brought me some mental clarity and re-inspired me to become an EMT again, and later on become a Paramedic.

This is really just me babbling a lot, but the main point is that I feel motivated again, and god damnit, it feels great.

Continued...

It is more or less 630AM on a Sunday morning. I hate Sundays. Rather, I hate Sundays IN AMERICA. In Israel it is a regular day for us. We go to school, work and so on. Friday is a half day where as Saturday is a day off for us. Counter-intuitively it is Saturday Night that is our big night on the town despite having to go to work the following morning.

A lot of people cannot understand the difference between "Jewish Ethnicity" and "Jewish Religion." Israel is a secular nation. Yet compromises have been made in order to reach a working relationship with the Jewish Religion. Prior to WWII most religious Jews absolutely hated Zionism which had been constructed by Atheists and to a much lesser extent, Agnostics. To come to this accord the Zionists agreed to place the Civil Justice System in the hands of each religious community. If you are an Israeli Catholic you MUST marry in the Catholic Church. Likewise a Bahai must allow the Bahai to run his or her life, at least in the civil sphere. If one is a Jewish Atheist they must still allow a rabbi to have a certain amount of control over their personal life. If you are really principled you can take a ferry to Cyprus, or Turkey...or even fucken' Italy and get married there by anyone you choose and the State will recognise it. It isn't a perfect system but thus far it has worked for us.

I was 16 when I went into the military. If you want to be technical I was actually 13, because my school was what we call a "Hesder." It was a religious school run by the military and specialised in Infantry. However, the military was still in transition. Up to that point there had been no accomodations made between the religious demographic and the IDF. The Hesder System was a way in which the 2 sides sought to make that first accomodation. Still, the only boys in Hesder were "At Risk Youth," like myself.

Why was I at risk? Here in New York, where I was born and where I spent most of my first 12 years I was running the streets. At the time 50 Cents took you all over the city. Bus Transfers, slips of tissue-like paper were good for several hours and took you all throughout this huge city. The subways? This was the birth of Hip Hop as well as THE birthplace. Graffiti on trains, dance, music, it was incredibly vibrant. All the more for a kid like me, growing up in a huge extended family of very traditional Jews.

Just about all my friends were Black or Puerto Rican. It is funny actually. In sending me from Brooklyn to the South Bronx my father thought he was saving me from that street environment. Of course my father never understood America.

My father came to the US after he fought in the Suez War, against Egypt. At the time, and up until the late 1980s the US Military allowed foreigners to enlist and then gave them a Green Card. My father joined the US Navy. He spoke no English but by the time he finished shoveling snow at Great Lakes, near Chicago, he was well versed in slang and so was sent around the world on 2 Aircraft Carriers,"Intrepid" and "Independence." During the Cuban Missile Crisis he was dug in on shore around Guantanamo but that was as close as he got to repeating his wartime experiences in Israel.

My father came to America in 1957, leaving my mum back in Bat Yam, my hometown in Israel. The 2 had met right after WWII when my father was 16 and my mum 15 and married almost immediately after they met.

My mum is from a place called Trans-D'niester, a spit of land between Moldova and Russia. Until the late 19th Century it belonged to Turkey, just as pre-Statehood Israel did. Therefore she and my father spoke the same language, Ladino. It is a Jewish Language based upon 16th Century Castillian Spanish, Arabic and Hebrew.

The Holocaust came, killed most of her family and when it ended she had survived by being whored. As such she wasn't facing many marriage prospects when she was released from British run Refugee Camps in Mandate Palestine.

My father's father was murdered when my father was less than 1 year old, in 1929. Later he had drifted into a militant group and ended up in a British prison towards the end of WWII for stealing British ammunition. After the War ended he knew a new war was coming and so he sought to make a family so he might leave behind a son if killed. Through a matchmaker he entered into an Arranged Marriage with my mum.

More than one son came, as did more than one war and by early 1957 my father had enlisted in the US Navy and gone to America.

In 1964 he brought my mum and brothers over. Still, we lived an entirely insular life. The Syrian Jewish Community (Jews from pre-Statehood Israel, Lebanon AND Syria) is centered in a very small area of Brooklyn. The first members moved there in the early 1930s along with another branch in Buenos Aries, Argentina. In America the largest number of Jews arrived between 1885 and 1915, after which the put in a strict quota system to stop us from coming. By the 1930s Jews could see that the children, and even grandchildren of that mass influx had assimilated at an incredibly high rate.

Worried, they Syrian Jews came up with a unique solution. The rabbis and elders of the community issued what we call, "The Edict," 1 in Argentina and 1 in New York City. The edict stated that not only could noone marry a non-Jew who converted, they couldn't even marry a Jew from outside our community unless their geneaology passed muster for 7 previous generations. Anyone violating the edict is considered dead, mourned for a week and then never referred to again.

There was a case in 2004 when a man in New York married a convert and had the conversion performed by 1 of Israel's 2 Chief Rabbis. They considered the man dead and he fought back, taking the case to the Chief Rabbi. The Chief Rabbi then came to NY and argued the case and was told to fuck off hahaha.

In my mum's case, though her geneaology is solid it didn't matter either way. It only matters if a resident of the community marries a non-Syrian Jew. My mum coming from Mandate Palestine qualifies as a Syrian Jew.

In my case, with Rizza, I never brought her into the community, nor could I. I do agree with the edict for a very simple reason: Nearly 80 years old, both Argentina and New York's Syrian Jewish Communities have nearly Zero assimiliation versus 64% for American Jews as a whole. You can't argue with math.

We place no respect in individualism, it is all for the collective.

Back to me...wonderful me...So I entered the Army officially at age 16. By the time I re-deployed from my first post, a firebase on Mt.Hermon, they had beat the religiosity out of me hahaha. In those days they actually beat us. It isn't as bad as Russia where 17,000 recruits die in hazing each year. 17,000 is larger than most armies!

More spontaneous trains of thought to follow...or maybe not since it is time to take my 220 mgs after which my thoughts aren't worth a shit. Ciao...

Well the mourning period for my brother is over and still I remain in the States. I can rationalise it as the desire to find a cheaper return fare to Manila but the truth of the matter is that I always fall into a sort of anti-routine when in New York City.

The city I knew as a younger man is dead and buried. Open air drug markets where people of every "race" and class stood shoulder to shoulder impatiently waiting to buy heroin and cocaine in standardised packages that would make any Fortune 500 Marketing Rep green with envy...The snow white powders that were so uniformly packaged as to be safe to use after 5 years sober are gone forever, as are the days of quinine and Bonita (lactose).

One thing that has stayed the same, amazingly, is the New York Justice System's attitude towards these substances. New York City remains the only place in the Western Hemisphere where possession of heroin and cocaine are Misdemeanour Offences. If you don't rack up 3 arrests in a 6 month period you will merely be fined. Should you walk across the bridge to New Jersey you can get as much as 10 years in prison for that same offence, though usually you face only 3 to 5 years.

It is extremely rare to be able to point to a specific time in trying to pinpoint change. In New York City's case it all went bad when that closet Nazi, Mayor Rudolph Giuliani decided to target misdemeanour offences as the way in which to gain a handle on New York's famously high crime rate...1997 .

A Transit Police tactician had instituted the drive against Fare Beating (people evading the subway train and bus fare) as way in which to lower violent crime rates throughout the huge transit system. The plan worked on the premise that most violent criminals live prolifically illegal lifestyles. The same geniuses packing automatic pistols are ALSO the scientists who wait for a train to pull into a station and then quickly hop over the turnstiles as they seek to save that precious 75 Cents (the cost at the time,today it is US2.25). One would think that common sense dictates that someone carrying a pistol would be intelligent enough to pay the paltry loose change needed for the fare. Coomon sense doesn't rate too high on most criminals intellectual inventory.

When the Transit Police began actually targeting Fare Beating the gun collars went up in a parallel trend. More importantly, violent crime went down at a parallel rate.

Here to fore New York City's regular police force didn't touch drug possession cases. There was a specific unit, "TNT" (Tactical Narcotics Taskforce) that handled those and only did so on Tuesdays and Thursdays in very specific areas. Weeks before a 5 square block area was targeted its movers and shakers as well as its junkies knew it was time to find their fun elsewhere. Still, amazingly, there were always people desperate to buy and sell in targeted areas as they tried capitalising on the lack of competition. Customers were usually provided by people from outside the neighbourhood or those who only bought drugs sporadically. TNT would swoop down, fill a police stepvan and cart them off in lots of 36. All but the most habitual arrestees would then be released by a Court System obsessed with numbers as opposed to actual, tangible results.

Enter the benevolent dictator, Guiliani;

Taking the Tranist Police tactician he asked the man to formulate a blueprint that would be applicable over the entire city. Where as before police wouldn't even look at you unless you were absolutely brazen and used in front of them, now anyone even suspected of possessing was stopped and frisked (physically searched). Likewise they took aim at so called "Quality of Life" crimes. Drinking in public, even with a paper bag covering the container got you an arrest. An arrest got you a trip through the City Justice System, not a simple "Catch and Release" with a Ticket as had been the case before.

Before long the violent crime rate showed very marked results. When, by 1998, these results showed sustainability New York City began to attract real investment. Before 1997 people fled the city. Neighbourhoods dried up, gentrification was a dream, and corporate attention wasn't realised even with extremely dynamic tax incentives.

By 2000 New York City was an entirely different city. Huge ghettos became chic neighbourhhods, like DUMBO and the Lower East Side. Today even the South Bronx is filled with young, white families. It really is an amazing transformation...and I fucken hate it!

To be continued...

hello! im new to this but i just have something i need some advice on...
So for the past few months i have taking adderall (not prescribed) pretty much every day.. at first it was just once in awhile but i just fell in love with the way it made me feel.. i actually had motivation to get things done and to go to work. But after awhile i started to experience what i imagine to be withdrawl symptoms when i did not take it. I have refused to believe that i had become addicted.. but the reality is that i am. I want so badly to stop!
My boyfriend is highly against pills andi have managed to somehow hide this from him for this long, but i feel terrible. When i run out of my supply and stop taking them, i feel like complete crap! I feel extremely tired, non-motiavated, sick to my stomach, my head hurts, and i am just so ready to stop for good. Its to the point where taking them honestly doesnt even make me feel good anymore, it doesnt give me the jolt of energy or speediness that it used to.. it just gets me through the day feeling somewhat normal.
What i want to know is if there is anyone out there who has gone through this.. the only blogs i can find about people withdraweling from adderall are from people who have been prescribed them and want to stop. I am abusing this drug and i know there are others who are doing the same. I just need help getting through this. I have NEVER messed around with any drugs before and the thought of being addicted to something kills me. Im not that kind of person and i never meant for this to happen..
Is there any ways to help with the withdrawl? Is there anything i can take to take the edge off?
Im not sure if there is anyway other than to just get through it... but i wonder, how long should it take to stop feeling like crap after i stop taking them for good? Since i dont get prescribed them its not really an option to cut my dosage in half..
Please if there is anyone out there who is or has gone through what im going through, i would really appreciate a response.. i have no one to talk to about this, so anything at all would be helpful.
Thank you

Yeah, don't really know how to describe this one.

Anyway, I'm back in the loving arms of Mistress Somniferum. Had to be done or I'd be popping benzos right now beyond three weeks. I've discovered I have a psychological addiction to those little (usually) dark colored pills of stupor and sometimes euphoria. No grand-mal seizures for me, thanks. Though I have lots of Phenazepam dissolved in bottles of ethanol for tapering if it comes to it, that particular benzo has ZERO recreational value thankfully. Just the demonized one I'll call Flu for short, and the common one Alprazolam. I got a mixture of others but I don't particularly care for them. Clonazepam sublingual tablets are good for moments of extreme stress but not recreation.

I have Social Anxiety Disorder, so sometimes shit happens at the last minute and those sublingual benzos are lifesavers. Nice mid-range non-intoxicating dose just to "take the edge off."

You know it's interesting. When my brain and body is filled with the endorphin-like opiates I get extremely expressive in many ways in the area of creativity. I don't quite get it but yeah. Pod tea is an anxiolytic, anti-depressant, and for me a creativity booster. My self-esteem, mood, confidence, etc are all inflated for a long duration. In retrospect I became a psychological addict the first time I used poppy SEED tea.

It would be unfair to not describe the negative impact of opiates. I get hiccups every damn time I swallow something and this lasts for two days. Digestive issues though those aren't too bad and I mitigate them with sugar-free candy which acts as a potent stool softener in high amounts. And it's a pain in the ass preparing it -- but this is a deterrent from regular use so it's a blessing in disguise perhaps. I also hate the drymouth. Never fails no matter how much I hydrate I wake up with drymouth like no other drug gives. I sometimes get excessive histamine release but I actually enjoy the itch so I don't consider it a negative.

So it turns out I have 2 drugs of choice. I would swear by it months ago it'd be just opiates/opioids but now its benzos too. Thankfully the former kills off cravings for the latter. Really, benzos would be a waste on opiates I potentiate them enough as it is, and I think GABA agonization would dirty my long session with pod tea. Alcohol certainly does. I was in the situation where I had to have a couple glasses of wine while under the influence of opiates or it'd be rude and it diminished the loveliness of my high. I've come to hate alcohol except as a solvent for things, or a wound disinfectant.

Stimulants? I use Ephedrine to sometimes ward off nodding when it's not appropriate to be in that state, and for performance enhancing during exercise. I've tried assorted upper RCs and HATE them quite frankly. I found myself taking benzos to come down early from every single one. It is not good for me mentally to be on potent stimulants. Addiction factor for me in this category is 0 thankfully. Even empathogen stimulants I don't care for, though it does make them tolerable.

Psychedelics. Let's see, LSA was my first, no visuals, vasoconstriction annoyed the hell out of me, as did the nausea. I used Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, Hawaiian strain grinded in a spice grinder. Not ever using it again. LSD, I used it once and plan to use it again. No visuals, typical, but I enjoyed the release of emotion it forced, it felt cathartic and healthy. I felt connected to a higher energy though I tend not to believe in such things. Haven't used any others.

Poppy tea and benzos keep me sane, but I know the latter is something extremely dangerous when used daily and can't be detoxed without medical intervention or good discipline and self-tapering. And besides, benzos sometimes bring me down mentally so I stick to opiates. Fully synthetic opioids scare the shit out of me, but I have used Tramadol and Loperamide (to potentiate). I've had Fentanyl overly-administered after surgeries and the headrush is something I can never forget. I can see why it is imperative one never crosses into IV use for recreation. "Welcome to the machine" as Floyd would say. I know I'd never be able to be a chipper with IV use anything.

Poppy tea. I've been mildly physically dependent on it (I get a runny nose if I don't dose for a week) and the reason it has stayed mild is I never ever dose more than twice a week, unless I have a damn good reason for it such as bad physical pain, and/or suicidal tendencies. Thankfully twice a week is usually enough to keep my depression at bay. I try not to dose too much. If I'm nodding I dosed too much as I don't like nodding. I just want the mental stability, and/or analgesia when needed.

Sorry for any run-on sentences and such. Stream of consciousness I call it. I always type like this when unfer the influence of poppy tea -- opium for all intents and purpose -- just not smokable opium lol. Not sure I'd want to harm my lungs by smoking it anyway -- and on that note I've yet to try cannabis but wish to someday. I just find it a little too expensive when I do come across it. I had a small sample of JWH-018 once but I don't think I vaporized it correctly. In any event if I did I wasn't impressed with it.

That's all for now. It actually is a potentiator in and of itself for me to type long posts like this when coming up on the big O.

EDIT: Figure I should mention Kratom too. I've used all sorts of different kinds but the expensive full alkaloid extracts in ethanol seem to work the best on me. My best experience lasted 8-12 hours and felt like an extremely high hydrocodone dose with extended duration when I took the entire extract bottle. For powder I've found the red vein variety to be the only effective kind. I don't ever mess with crushed leaf -- gag.

So, I decided to try it. Mind over matter (placebo) or unique body chemistry that defies numerous medical journals? I'll let the reader decide.

I dosed approximately 150mg of Loperamide (Imodium in capsule form -- generic).

In a nutshell, you feel nothing for 5-6 hours. Then you notice a slow comeup over 3 hours. Parts of your face, starting with your neck get numb. Then your pupils start to slowly react to dim light, then they go full blown constricted.

At T+10:00 it is unmistakable that there is mu-opioid agonization occuring. It continues for about 24 hours. There are negatives over "normal" opioids: severe grogginess while waking, and of course increased constipation.

One hell of a placebo effect if you ask me. Half of me is glad I got access to a cheap nod, the other half is terrified I got access to a cheap nod -- if you catch my drift.

Naltrexone 50mg tablets kill it (and put you into precipitated withdrawal) in case you experiment a little "too far." I cannot speak as to Naloxone.

IF you choose to use Naltrexone to kill the constipation be warned, it will be 12 hours of absolute hell. Keep suboxone handy -- the bupe will override the Naltrexone as I understand it.

In which I throw down some thoughts about how the Wiki might look and what it might contain.

Any comments are welcome and may even be incorporated into the actual Wiki ITSELF.

Content:

Three types:
Drug info (most important obviously)
Business
Social

Business to include BLUA, guidelines, how-to advice. Possibly forum guidelines? Lot of duplication, but could be an ideea. Any other messages from senior staff. Announcements? Probably not, as by their nature they tend to be time-specific.

Social to include histories of each forum. Profiles of BLers? Why not? It's not like we'd run out of space. Need standard Wiki rules, like citations needed, no flaming. Notable events timeline (board and social). Links to personal websites if wanted. Famous BLers? (who didn't care about being out? Probably not).

Drugs: very similar to Erowid - can we just grab their stuff? Or from Wikipedia, seeing as it's freely available? Specific drugs. Drug policy - worldwide. Drug news. Harm reduction techniques.

Process:

Identify priority for drugs which lack much public information (mephedrone? 6-APB? Ask OD and PD and ADD mods). Ask drug forum mods to identify experts/best threads to create pages. Rinse and repeat.

Process for social: identify forums and ask mods to suggest members, or members to volunteer, to write a history. OR start off with a generic BL history. Maybe that's an idea, people could build forum specific pages off that later. Warts and all is probably better even if we piss people off including me.

Process for business is easier, just ask admins to send me stuff.

Well it happened I was a month away from completing probation and I got called in for my first UA EVER because someone snitched me out... now I sit here looking at a shitstorm for being positive for Methamphetamine... god help me...

So I recently got banned from using grasscity which I really enjoyed to use while I could. I've heard of Bluelight before but I've never given it a try until now. Can anybody catch me up about what this site is all about?

You only have to call the dealers when you need something, like always....

I'm surprised after 5 months of being clean and incognito the luurve is still there and they'll fucking pay for my flight home, no questions asked.

This is so fucked. Work is paying for this minibar, has to...

If reincarnation is true, can I come back as a snail?
no joke.
I wanna be a fucking snail.
why?
wherever a snail goes its always home.
never have to worry about where you're gonna crash
just stop trailing slime and hole up in a custom bachelor pad thats all your own.
that, and snails are never in a rush
they always have time to enjoy the scenery.
and the main causes for fear are birds and saltshakers?
I think I can handle that.




I think I'm gonna email that bitch Karma and tell her to get on that snail business. that would be the life I tell you whut.

Searching for a job is SOOO difficult. I just graduated from college - I would have thought it would be easier with a college diploma now! I just want to find some sort of job in the administrative field. For just a little over minimum wage! I'd be happy with only $2 over minimum wage! But can I find anything? Nope! The only job offer I get is working 15 hours a week at minimum wage. I can't afford to work there!

It's brutal!

Another month of job searching until I finally settle for a job at Tim Horton's or McDonalds or Walmart or *something* like that.

Even last year I managed to pull off an administrative job for the summer!!!!

Just what I need. Yet another text-box thought depository. I've been awake too long.
Put the fucking bulb down Bish, eat a sandwich, and go the fuck to bed before you start hallucinating again.

I figure this belongs in a blog entry and not on the forum, and I want people to read it and possibly glean info from it.

My background: white, female, 5'5", about 118 lbs, blonde shoulder-length hair. Got an offer for a job, then found out they do a hair test and a UA. Oh fffffuck. I was ready for a UA, but not this. Drug use history: occasional MDMA use (twice in the past 4.5 months), weekly pharmaceutical speed aka Adderall, and, stupidly used some cocaine cut to shit. Don't smoke weed.

The test was supposed to be in 3 weeks, so that gave me some time, but I was almost flat broke. So, I went and researched this on the internet. The "72 hours of hell" guy helped the most. I ordered Toxin Wash right away, and got the T-gel shampoo and a box of relaxer, and vinegar. So here is my routine:

Week 1: Panic, stress out, borrow money to buy Toxin Wash. Do the Mac method. The Mac method, as far as I understand, is supposed to dry out your hair hoping to get stuff from the outer section of the hair. Wash hair with Neutrogena T-gel shampoo, detergent, then shampoo every night.

Week 2: Realize the Mac method is stupid and it's 2011 and not 2001 anymore. Stop it. Keep washing hair with T-gel, detergent, T-gel every night. Buy relaxer. Put relaxer in hair, feel it stinging, get scared, wash it out after 5 minutes. Wash with T-gel shampoo, detergent, shampoo. Get tired and say fuck it for the day. Keep with T-gel routine for rest of the week. My hair still felt nice and soft after this, so I figured this is not enough. The relaxer here is to open up the hair cuticle permanently to allow the shampoo to go inside and wash out the drug residue.

Week 3: Buy relaxer again. 4 days before the test, put relaxer in hair again. Go play videogames. 18 minutes later (5 mins longer than recommended), my whole head has been stinging for 10 mins, I go and wash it out completely. Then wash head with T-gel shampoo, detergent, repeat those two again. Then wash twice with Toxin Wash. Get a haircut - 5 inches shorter. Next 4 days, shower every day and wash with Toxin Wash.

I didn't worry about any toxins seeping back into the hair so I didn't do any bs like buying new towels or pillowcases. My test was in another state so I didn't get a chance to shower that day before my flight, but whatever. The girl at the testing site was very nice, and cut off what felt like a ton of my hair. She said that sometimes they don't take enough and have to retest.

A week later, I got an e-mail from the job inviting me to come in.

For the past few months, I have been analyzing life. My life, and life in general. I went through a stage of mild/moderate depression. It sucked. I look back at who I used to be a year ago and I was confident and outgoing and loved to hang out with people. I didn't do any drugs besides marijuana and that was not often. I had a great group of friends who I loved hanging out with and it was always fun. I always felt comfortable around them. I loved to make people laugh. At the end of last summer, my two closest friends moved away. I kept in contact with one of them and we are still close today. The other one, not so much but I still visit her when I get the chance.

After they moved I went through a stoner stage. It started when I bought my own weed to share with friends. Then I smoked it by myself. I enjoyed it. Then I started smoking at school and enjoyed that. Then I started smoking at work and enjoyed that. Not long after I was smoking 24/7. It was fun, yes, but I think that it made me very shy and socially anxious. I was always shy as a kid and I feel that weed brought me back to those shy days. I no longer wanted to hang out with people. I was content by sitting at home, stoned, on the computer.

I live with my parents, and they are extremely conservative/religious. They believe drugs/alcohol are the devil (literally). My mom eventually found my stash and it was all downhill from there. Words can't describe how shitty I felt. My mom was so heartbroken. I still feel guilty about it. This was almost 6 months ago. I told her I would quit. She became so worried and anxious about me after that predicament. It really sucked to see my mom suffer emotionally because of me. I think I contributed to her depression (the other day she told me she wanted to die... but that's a different story). And she was still kind to me after that.

So after that I stopped staying out late, was always home, etc. My social life dwindled down to a couple of close acquaintances. I became quite depressed. For the past couple of months I've been seeing a counselor and reading self-help books and I've learned a lot about myself that I was previously denying. This was working well for me, however I started to become quite self-conscious, like all the time. I learned about self-awareness and I wanted to reach that point, but I think instead I became more self-conscious rather than self-aware. I became so shy and it was difficult for me to look people in the eye sometimes.

Thankfully, I am working on fixing that issue and tonight I felt like I had an epiphany. I was hanging out with a group of people. I know one of them well, but the other few not so much. I was pretty quiet at first but then I started to talk more and I was actually having a good time.

It made me realize that I am naturally shy when I'm around people I don't know. It's a part of my personality. I've been shy since childhood. It doesn't mean that I should be ashamed of it. I feel like I am starting to accept my shyness. I think accepting it will help with the social anxiety I experience.


End of rant.

so i DID go up the road to get my ''pick me up'' today and it WAS alot nicer than usual. i love how much easier it is to revive dopamine than seratonin. chucked a few 5-htp and some l-tyrosine anyway.

spent hours trying to find some MDMA and ketamine and in the end rememebelred that after drving practice this morning i had met a friend of mine who's friend, in turn, was selling ketmine and managed to pick up 5g for a very low price for which i got a very nice size because the man didn't have scales and so eyeballed me a pile.

where i live the general adolescant diet seems to be MDMA (actually quite nice quality funnily enough), ketamine (also top notch) and cannabis (doubtful). i've heard all over bluelight that ketamine and good MDMA are fairly hard to find in some area's and therefore have felt extremely privilaged that i apparently live in an area awash with both these essentials.

thank you god

just picked up a nice 1/4oz of speed. got some random cialis from my friend and have a laptop but unfortunatly have already satisfied my needs in the area of porn and have nothing to do.

facebook is sure to follow if i ever finish perusing bluelight decided to write on here as i feel obliged to keep this updated.

am looking forwards to mephedrone tomorrow and acid next week (which is strangely extremely decent dosage tabs) apparently some microdots may be being got aswell and some 2c-b. had some 2c-b pills a while back and was fairly impressed but not desperate to ever get more but my friend had a few hits of this guy's 2c-b powder and said it was brilliant so am wondering whether to take a look in. might do it with some ketamine.

dont really know what else to write about aside from my drugs life. am fed up of trying to diagnose myself for possible signs of psychosis as apparently it is common during amphetamine withdrawals (apparently its technically more of a rebound than a withdrawal) as well as binges so i wouldn't know for sure for a few months anyway.

maybe a girlfriend would calm me down lol but cannot raise any interest in that area of life

I 've been watching this site for a while. I'm trying to figure out how I allowed this mess to infiltrate my home... My family. I am not a weak woman. I've been with my man for a long time, and I get dizzy at his smell or touch. I cannot resist what seems so easy to others.
I just want a piece of his time... with me. I would not be involved with the stuff he brings home, otherwise. Please help me. I dont know what else to do. I want My Mark back. I need help, because I will do anything- Including what ever he brings home just to make sure I am with him and he doesn't have to go any where else. Please suggestions... Leaving[ is not one of them. Thank you, Sassy.