Associated with fire, among elements.
One of my other closest friends.
Coherence.
Michael. Moved from Arkansas, and Tennessee. Met when we were about 7, or so. I can't remember.
I'm proud in ways of his accomplishment as an F/A-18E pilot... But I have a healthy struggle against that pride.
Then again.
Then again.
He chose me as best man for his wedding.
He married Ashlee.
Two daughters.
Divorced.
I have seen him fly just once. It could have been more, but I haven't been that attentive of a friend in the ways of visiting. Growing up, some just seemed to come around. But he landed once near me. His plane had my name on it. Jeff. And Trent as the last name. Trent, my brain first has strongest connections to Trent Reznor, whose first name is Michael.
It was in Mike's church's parking lot where I first ejaculated into a female, listening to Nine Inch Nails.
The last girl I had sex with before I met a girl who brought attention to Michael- Donna, was Michelle.
My first chosen roommate, in college, went by Mike. His first name was Christopher. Last, White.
One of my earliest sexual experiences with a male was with a Mike. The other was with Christopher.
Christina was my first girl I got naked. Kristin was my first girlfriend. I had her same birthday.
Another Michael was a connection to visit another country- the first and only time I've been out of my own. His family visited when we were in the 2nd and 3rd grade. He and another Mike and I were together often. I think we welcomed him.
One year after I met Donna, who believed in angels, and Michael, a movie came out, in the attention of Michael.
I asked Donna, when I met her, if she knew Michael. Michael- a friend of mine. He had moved to this town that I met her in.
After meeting and splitting from her, I saw in concert first Nine Inch Nails, on her birthday. M. Trent Reznor announced around our split that he was putting that project- The Nine Inch Nails, up for awhile. His next album came out on the anniversary of my breakup with my last ex, as Donna and I weren't really together in that way.
At the Nails concert, I walked into the main section just prior to the concert starting... The main walkway around the amphitheater. I saw a girl directly in front of me. Red, curly hair. The placement and timing was perfect. I knew her. Or I had seen her. She had been on my "favorites" on Myspace- where I also met Donna, first. This girl had been there (in my favorites, but not added) for over a year. Her name was Gabrielle.
Donna has red hair. My ex has red hair. The red seemed to come after Alisha... the once love of my life, who I'm pretty sure I have let go of now in the ways that I can (we're all tied, to be here, it's inevitable).
Gabrielle has red hair. I recognized her from the back/side. I didn't say anything to her... But sent her a message shortly after the concert, asking her if she was there. She just sent me her phone number. I called her a week later, and went to meet her about an hour away from here, where she lives. And the day I called her, someone close to her- an uncle/father like figure, had just died. And the day I went to see her, she had come directly from his funeral, when she met me. I parked right next to the restaurant where she had planned for us to have lunch at, though I didn't know... I was just parking to get wi-fi.
Where I parked, there was a storage shed in front of me with the number 203 above it. I kind of messed up, with Donna, in something involving a storage shed-- Plans were made once, then changed, and I messed up around that change, becoming confused and acting in that confusion. 23, 203 223, 23 anything, I sometimes see in certain ways, that are special, that I have seen.
Donna played one song when I was with her, that I remember. She turned it on as I came back inside, from going home one day to shower and feed my cat. "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, was this one song. Our first night together, she wanted to do something where we maintained eye contact for some long period of time. Kind of like a staring contest, but not a contest. This was the longest I did maintain eye contact with anyone. Then I see Gabrielle, as mentioned, on Donna's birthday, at the concert. I see her on her birthday, and I last heard from her- Gabrielle, was on my birthday. She left me a message wishing me a happy birthday.
Donna has a different way of spelling her middle name. Not that it isn't totally uncommon, it seems the more common way is a different way. I first noticed it with her, as when I asked her her name, she either told me how to spell her middle name, or corrected me as I wrote it down... One L. Her middle name, Richele, I first wrote, probably as Richelle, as I had learned to write names such as Michelle, as such, with two Ls. Anyways, so she spells her name with one L. After Donna, I connected that a girl I knew, who coincidentally reminded me of her, Melissa, spells her name the same way- her middle name, being Michele.
Melissa Michele is the only other girl I have known to strip, as well, and "prostitute" in this way. And I wanted to kiss both of them at least one time, to stop them from talking about "demons"... Also unique to those two.
I began to see the number 23 around when I began talking to Melissa, some years ago, when I was still with Alisha. I may have begun to see it before, but I gave Melissa a book by R.A.W., one of the ones where he mentions 23. I barely read any of it, but I think I may have got it because it had 23 in it... Or I really don't know. Many people claim that I'm suffering from some delusion of this number having more prominence than it seems to have, in my life, but they aren't me, they haven't had my experience, and are in no place to pass judgment, or even assume. But the number is in my life, thick. It's also the day of the year I met Donna on, to skip through a lot, and she would later appear in a magazine, and the number would be in the picture where she appeared. Etc. Literally, Et Cetera.
I met Donna 161 weeks approximately (toward 162) after my ex (first red head) gave me a watch, for Christmas, 2005. 161 (closer to 162) days had passed in 1982 when I was born. 203 days remained in the year. 203 weeks after splitting from Donna would be the date of 12/21/2012, somewhat or just on precisely, and that day was also, somewhat, special. On 12/21/2012, I was paid 1221 dollars, and something cents, as well. To connect back to Donna, 203, the storage unit was marked 203, where I met Gabrielle.
Richard (Donald), my best friend, his dad died on October 23rd, 2012. Donna (Richele), posted the picture where she appears in a magazine, with the number 23 in her frame, only days before. The service that I attended was held at an address 1840. 1840 I first thought of Donna, as she brought attention to the number 184, or I did by taking her name, and adding my last name to her, as I thought about her being my wife, and the voice told me she was, when I first met her. The number 184 is 23 times 2 to the 3rd power (8, 23x8 ), and is also a number I associate with my mom, association by calculating her name sum. Both her name and Donna's name, before adding the last name, have sums of 108, in one "reality" (way). I kind of wonder if I was supposed to or was not supposed to hit that button. And I feel it also works because the number is "holy" in at least a couple of traditions, and it's in a harmonic proportion with the way our solar system is set up... in ratios of distances, sizes, at least with the sun and us, and moon and us, and how would mother and love, and wife not have anything to do with that?
I understand this has gotten far too long. I'm trying to squeeze it all in. It never works. I may be deleting some of this.
Gabriel. I was hawking pizzas one day, at my old job. I had to take two special orders, as I didn't have the kind of pizzas the people wanted at the time. The first person to ask for a special pizza was Angel. And at the time, this was enough to be on my same page. But I'm a constant skeptic. Agnostic. I have times of belief... and I do believe... But in ways I am very much an agnostic to what it actually is. I can say I don't know all day long and I will have been more honest than most days, probably. Anyways, the next person to order, writing his name down next to Angel, was Gabriel.
I actually forget who signed first, and wrote their numbers... But the second one to sign looked at me strangely.
It began to rain. Rainy day.
I lost my ID recently. The day I lost it- when I realized I did, at the drive-thru at a pharmacy picking up meds for a run for my job, the pharmacist asked me if my name was Michael. That same day I got a wrong order in the beginning, sent to my phone, that had instructions to deliver to someone named D'Amico, Angel, in New Jersey, but I am in Indianapolis, so that run should have been handled by couriers elsewhere. I think I informed my dispatchers of this at this time, near this time picking up here.
) and I went back inside to try and salvage my night. It was hard to pretend I hadn't seen what I just had though, and I ended up confronting her... it almost turned into a fist fight but I walked away literally right as it was coming to that... we were already shoving each other and shit... but I didn't want to disrespect the venue my brother was playing at and make him look bad, so I just walked away. When I ran into M after that and he tried talking to me, I told him to leave me alone and to fuck off... he then took it to a whole new level and proceeded to tell me fucked up shit like, "Why don't you go do more drugs, junkie?" (I wanna know how the fuck he found that out by the way... not too hard to guess I suppose), and "You're a fucking slut" and that I'm a "bitch" and blah fucking blah. At that point, I got more upset about the way he was treating me than what I'd just seen, and my upsetness escalated to a whole new level... and I compensated by making out with some random. Nice. How classy. 
really just feel depressed, tired and fed up of all of it........... 
