Blogs

Hi everyone!

A quick announcement: as the title says, the blog moderator posting is now officially closed. If you really wanted to apply, but just forgot, then send me a PM and we can see what we can work out. Other than that, many thanks to those who applied! The admins will be busy with the server maintenance tomorrow, but I'm hoping we'll have a decision in a couple of days.
my best friend wont talk to me or see me except in an offical capacity.

10mm auto
12ga
or a bunch of meth?
A friend was having issues with his Vista laptop tonight, a Sony Vaio. The system is an artifact the time that Microsoft was bullying manufacturers and retailers into putting "Vista Ready" stickers on laptops which had Pentium Dual Core 1.6 Ghz (not Core 2 Duo) processors, 256-1 GB of Ram, integrated graphics cards, and 40 GB hard drives.

Windows XP Professional was what I was running around the time Microsoft was pulling these shenanigans, and by the time these stickers advertising Vista were being placed on machines (right before Vista came out), I sincerely believed (and still do) that XP Professional had been basically perfected. No real problems, period.

So this guy's system has the following specs:

1.6 Ghz Pentium Dual Core (not Core 2 Duo)
1 GB of Ram
Integrated Graphics
120 GB hard drive that redlines at 5200 rpm

....and this system is running Windows Home Premium. Just by looking at its performance (4 minutes to start up, and a bunch of other issues that basically reminded me of what it was like trying to play Tomb Raider 2 on a 133 Mhz system back in the day with a Permedia2 8 MB graphics card), I could tell that he had one of those systems that I mentioned in my first paragraph. The computer basically had no business running Home Premium. I could go on and on about what a clusterfuck it is that the whole industry allowed millions of people to buy machines that ran like shit with all the latest specs, but I digress. It just seemed like such an anomaly.

So I run a bunch of diagnostics, put it through a couple of hours worth of scanning wth various programs, and I'm finding nothing. And I'm also not about to wait for Vista's disk defragmenter to tell me it's defragging for the next two days without showing me a percentage completed marker on this system which would have run XP Pro perfectly no matter what.

I took his laptop home with me, and here it sits now running Windows 7 Ultimate Build 7137. I installed all of the updates, cranked all the effects to the max, put a bunch of gadgets on the desktop, and basically did all of the little cute things that the average, poor bastard who bought one of these "Vista ready" machines would have liked to do after seeing all of the neat "glass" effects on TV and being assured by the salesperson at Best Buy that Sony Vaios are great and the sticker says it is Vista ready so BUY BUY BUY (buy buy!).



So, the results:

Shutdown time is less than 20 seconds with open applications, as it should be. No choppiness in performance. Computer runs just as quickly as any of my personal systems do for every day computing (i.e. fast), and the little trick where you flip through the open applications on your desktop like an iTunes library runs quickly and with no glitches. Applications start up fast and are not clunky when they are initially opened.

A grand total of 57% of his 1 GB of Ram is being used right now during defragmentation, and no matter how fast I try to move individual windows around, the glass effect doesn't get weird and nothing jumps. Everything is smooth.

So what we have here is a completely shitty system by today's standards (although I'm sure it cost $1400 when it came out because it's a white Sony Vaio) that is doing everything a Core 2 Duo system with 4 GB of ram and a discrete graphics card would be required to do on Vista Ultimate. So now I have tested Windows 7 on a bucnh of different systems and it absolutely takes advantage of what you do have, and in this case it manages memory so well it turned this garbage laptop into one that is just as functional as any system that triples its specs and runs Vista.

The next system I am going to try it on is a Dell Desktop with a Celeron 2Ghz, GeForce 5200 and 2 GB of Ram. It is 5 years old, and I'm going to put Windows 7 on it just to see how well-engineered this OS really is. So far I am extremely impressed, and when I show my friend his system today he's probably not going to believe what he's seeing. The speed, the effects, the features. With his specs. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have progress. Microsoft, you are finally doing it right.
its getting ugly again.

like, 5 years again ugly.

wtf, how did this happen?
"This Life Ain't Worth Living" [chorus from my fav singer, Ville Vallo, HIM, "Join Me in Death."].

Just stopping in to Bluelight after a long absence due to severe depression/anxiety . . . really thought I was dying. (After the Meth O.D. I thought I damaged my heart . . . seems to be okay now.)

Trying to quit smoking & not drink as much as I was.

This economy really sucks. I still have income but can't sell anything (vacant land) & I'm stuck paying property taxes on the lots.

Some crooks have $700,000 worth of liens on my land, which according to law expire after three years. They expired, so now I'm gonna ask that the liens be removed. If so, I'll have lotsa $$$ and can get outta Babylon.

It's been a long, HOT summer stuck in Tucson. I planned to go on vacation all summer but the economy hit me . . . turns out, I coulda gone on vacation & not worried about anything. I didn't get anything done here anyway. Total waste of time.

Everything seems so hopeless. Only a miracle will make things better. (Like falling into love and getting outta Babylon.)

Peace & Love,

Raquel!
I have been taking T2s for almost a year now combined with klonopin to make me sleep, I'm in constant, unexplainable pain. It waxes and wanes through the day, it used to be a lot worse, but I'm still taking the pills every day. How do I live with the pain without the pills?
I'm going to the club tomorrow.
club tomorrow
club tomorrow
club tomorrow
club tomorrow

:) its gonna be a hella gewd time. : ) : ) : )
I'm all settled into my new house with my boyfriend, and things are going wonderfully. I'm at peace, thanks to Invega.

I found out that I have lost parental rights, I will not go further into that. Also, I found male porn at my house in Bill's stuff. Not mine. I have no problem with gays, but if my husband does like guys, he shouldn't have married me. That is speculation at this point though.

I finished moving. YAY!! I am now licing in a 6 bedroom house in the country with my boyfriend, and I love it! Its on 20 acres, we have a pool, horses, tons of lands! I'm so happy! He treats me so well!

Well, better go unload the dishwasher! Will be on more now that things are settling down a bit! Just have to find a job now. Also, Bill should be home in the net few weeks....:\
Just to say ive tried PFPP i put 0.60 M.G in a rizla then went for a power nap 45 mins later i got up buzzing was looking at a text on my mobile & the screen was flickering from left to right looked in the mirror & my Pupels was massive i fealt like phoning my friends & telling them how gud a so i did spending 130 mins yarning on 330 mins later was cumin down so ad another 0.40 M.G but did nt have the same effect take in one go !!!.

next day was buzzing had 120 M.G & was up for iy went out on piss was to lively for the pub more 4 clubing.

ps will edit the Gramer this blog later if needed !!!.
The last 4 days have been fucking intense. It's partly due to my tolerance to meth is very high now, the last 3 days, didn't feel it, in fact it made me feel WORSE. The other part of the problem is that the Doc's office has NEVER taken a goddamned week to authorize my pills. This week I would have done practically anything to get those pills, because now is when I need them the most. Still, Monday, no pills. Called Wed afternoon, no pills. I called today at 5pm, no pills. The pharmacy said they are faxing another request to the doc. I only hope they have them for me tomorrow! I thought for sure that the hold up was my account was on hold or something at the doc's office cause of the mammogram charge I haven't paid. Each and every time I tried to call all week to sort this out, I'd suffer horrific panic attacks at the thought of talking to them. Even when I'm straight, I suffer the same, except that although it takes me forever to finally do something, eventually I do.

Today I finally managed again. I called and found out no my account was not frozen, so either they've been extremely busy and forgot about me, or because of the fact I've been unknowingly going thru these pills in 7-10 days. The pharmacy for whatever reason put the date on the pill bottle a week earlier than I actually picked them up. That's how I monitor how much I'm taking. When I saw there was no refill, I looked to see why, and found out, shit they probably have red flagged me or something, fuck. I made sure to make them last 10 days, but I've been tripping and stressing out soo much, I've taken more pills than I normally would. Ironically, for the first time in over 2 years, it wasn't meth I was craving at all, but my pills to help me calm the fuck down. Well, since I was forced, I resorted to Tramadols. I have a shitload left, but I REALLY don't want to get strung out on those again.

Hopefully, God PLEASE tomorrow afternoon, have some pills ready for me please??? I hope and I pray. I have 2 vicodins with grapefruit juice to take when I wake up tomorrow afternoon if I have to. But, I have decided one thing for sure. I said to myself today, "Homegirl, when your tolerance is this high, and it's making you feel worse, not better, not to mention the expense is fucking killing me, then it's time to stop." I found an old bottle of ephedra in my closet from when they were still legal. Now as far as the speed goes, in the past, I'd pop 2 pills 3 times a day and while I didn't get high, I didn't suffer the horrific chronic fatigue either. Also, what was it last Friday or Thursday I believe it was, Rich told me, "Don't be surprised if you never see me again." He moved to Chicago because he has warrants out for his arrest here. I was truly saddened because I really liked him. "I like you. That's why I wanted to be straight with you," he said. After one last bag and a brief hug goodbye, that's the last I saw or probably will ever see of him. :(.

He was honest, reliable, and didn't cut it all to shit. His girlfriend is taking over his customers, but he didn't have a whole lot of good things to say about her. Linda said she's always late, she's unreliable, and she cuts the shit. You know what? Fuck that all to hell. So I went over to Linda's after seeing about my car to find out what everyone is going to do because this puts me back at square one, no direct connect anymore. I'd rather be jonesin and have money I would have spent, then to jones and NOT have the money spent on bad shit or way too short. There are a few other options, Linda said, but no one is really very consistent. So when I heard this, I reaffirmed to myself that now is a good time to take a break. I still have maybe about 1/2 gram left, but am gonna stop for at least 5 days and try a shot to see if it works. The rest I wanna save for a rainy day. So my last 4 days have been filled with angst and sadness. I mean I know I need to stop and give it a rest anyway. I also have to be VERY careful about what I eat.

I want to maintain my weight loss, about 60 lbs and I actually look like a normal, attractive human being again instead of a goddamned butt ugly FAT chick that weighed 240 lbs. Jesus Christ I don't EVER want to let that happen to me again! I think, ideally the schedule would probably be best for me again. I'll see what happens after 5 days, try a shot, then stop for a month, hell I don't know. All I know is that once I made up my mind, a sense of relief came over me because it's a financial burden big time with my wages being garnished by 25%. I did try to contact them again and kept getting busy signals, and they'd hang up on me. Tomorrow I plan on sending a certified letter. The state says for me to call probation and probation tells me to call the state. Fuck. This isn't right. I am writing a note saying I disagree with these charges, it should be 1/2 what they say, and that I have been unable to pay rent in full because of them. If I were anywhere else, I'd lose yet another goddamned apartment or room, as Mom pointed out.

I still have to pay her the back rent portions I haven't paid when the garnishment is over. I am glad however, that I don't have to fucking move again. This is the first time in 4 years I've been unable to pay rent. At least this time it's not because I lost yet another job. I feel good about getting a lot accomplished today. Also, when I'm straight, I do take care of bullshit I hate, even though I lag. I also, spend more time with Mom, and family. I only hope the chronic fatigue issues finally leave me the fuck alone. I think they will once I get my regular Rx and stop taking that fucking Tramadol. It's been 2 days already, I sure as hell want to avoid taking it more than 3 days in a row. So, as I said this week has been intense. Linda was nice enough to give me 1/2 klonopin and these 3 other chicks came over, and one of them gave me 2 more k pins, which was cool. I took 2 halves and feel a lot less anxious. I'll be so glad when all this shit is behind me. But, it's time to give the partying a rest for a while.

One last thing, the shit completely took away my sex drive again. Instead of trying to hook up with a stranger, me and this guy from our gang of dope fiends hit me up. I told him I didnt' think it would be a good idea, but he said let's try anyway. My mouth was dry, my pussy was dry. I would not let him go down on me, straight sex only and I wasn't going down on him either. I could not respond in the least. Branden has been leaving me horny IM's and as sweet and as flattering as it feels to be desired once again by the opposite sex when I wasn't for over 2 years is great. Still, when I read his IM's, the thought of having sex with him or anyone else almost nearly made me want to throw up. Actually, it's probably best, that way I stay out of trouble. The best sex, in fact the only real good sex at this stage in my life can only be had if and when both parties are in love. I don't know that I will ever see that day, although I'm not tripping over it, it's just a fact of life. At this stage, like I said, I just don't want casual sex, or even passionate sex with Branden who does love me, but isn't in love with me. I'm not in love with him either, but don't care about sex anymore.

That's weird considering the first what 2 or 3 months of using, my drive went through the roof, but the teasing got to be too much, so I mentally disconnected myself from sexual drive. So, for now, I can no longer spend $130 or $140 for a fucking teenager every week. I can't afford to fuck off all my responsibilities either because when I'm on a good one, I want to go to the playground in my mind and stay there and party. I'm perfectly content that way. I usually get high alone, although sometimes it is fun to do it with others, such as Linda. Still, for now the party is over. No more weekly teenagers for me.
Today is Wednesday, May 20th, 2009 and it is now 5:40 PM here in the US.

Music wise, not listening to anything at the moment but have been listening to various Buddha Bar compliations as well as a Frankie Kuckles streamlined mix I had managed to snag on my MP4 before leaving the Philippines.

Knuckles is considered one of the instrumental people behind the entire House Music phenomenon. A native of Chicago, in the US, he and some cohorts were the driving force that created the genre Chicago House, which eventually gave way to the myriad of genres now known as "Dance," "Trace" and so on.

Books? I have been reading reams of mimeographed "Palestine Exploration Fund Quarterly Journals," which were late
19th/early 20th Century academic journals dealing with anthropology, archaeology, and social issues in the then Ottoman controlled "Palestine."

So...My trip...I did not want to talk about it before hand because first and foremost I am always cognisant of security related issues. Mindanao is an extremely dangerous place, as some may have gathered.

Then, I was not actually sure that I was even going to be travelling until I got my results letting me know that my Hep-C Treatment had failed. Although I did not mention it, I was also told then that I had a serious reaction to my latest PPD (Tubercular Skin Exposure Test). Obviously I was tested in the Philippines but not wanting to leave things to chance i sought my primary US provider's input as a second opinion, as to the results.

I had gone to the Butuan Doctor's Hospital, the best chain in the country as far as chains hospitals go, and was very sure I had something I had to deal with...but had my X-Rays sent to NYC for that second word...

My test last year was negative so I must have been exposed here on Mindanao, and I can only say that if it had to be something, better TB than Dengue, right? Dengue of course has no cure, whereas TB if caught early enough is not really an issue.

I also had some other things tot ake care of over here so I figured NY as opposed to Israel, though I would love to spend time with my grandchild in Israel.

However, my luck ran out as far as my flat in the Bronx and so I had to ensure that those things I cared about ended up in the right place,instead of left in the Project Courtyard, etc.

I hate this country but to be honest I needed a break, I need to decide what I am going to do with this situation concerning Rizza.

It is very complicated given the fact that Bisaya marry for life, and I have known her since she was an infant, blah, blah and blah. So, she is there, I am here and we will see how it goes, that is as much as I can say about it at this point...though I will not be here for long, either way.

I am in Brooklyn, in the Syrian-Jewish enclave, or as we call it in English, the "Enclave." it is where I spent my first few years on the planet, something I mentioned in "My Life" entries. It is better than Israel as far as a sense of community, for me, because here we are all in one small area, on top of one another where as in Israel, it has not been like that since the 1940s when we left Aleppo and Damascus, though it was really shattered in 29 in the Hebron Pogrom, something I have talked about ad naseum.

For those that might care, in the "Religion" Forum, there is a thread on "Cultures of Honor" (sic). In it, I posted a hyperlink to an article that talks about my Clan, and the Enclave here, so if anyone wants to know more (I have no idea why anyone would)...

Trip here sucked, as always. Took Cathay-
Pacific again...Took the ferry up to Manila where Dad and my eldest brother-in-law Ariel Tarik were already staying, since he finally gort his Visa for Northern Ireland, and they had to get the medical crap, etc out of the way. He will be reading at university there for 2 years if all goes well.

The ferry is a drag, 36 hours if there is no delay. Spent my time liberally indulging in Oxy and morphine for a chaser...got to Manila. spent a day hobknobbing with Dad and Ariel, had some good Chinese in Quiapo...You would think that with something like 12% of the Philippines being heavily Chinese in background that you would find great Chinese food all over the nation. Not so.

Chinatown in Davao is only good for bootleg electronics and only 3 or 4 stores at that! Chinese are the Jews of Asia, and like us they manage to infuriate a great many people since they tend to dominate business and education wherever they mograte.

In Mindanao "Chinoy" aka "Tsinoy," as the Filipinos of Chinese background are commonly known are targetted for kidnappings more than the rest of the population, and it is like that from Mindanao down south into Sulu. Just 2 weeks ago in Maguindanao they snatched a 20 something Chinoy out of the family warehouse.

Usually it is Abu Sayyaf, but there are gangs slash terrorist groups like al Khobar who specialise in this.

In Manila I also spent half a day at the only synagouge in the Philippines. it is in Salcedo Village, in Makati which for all intensive purposes is apart of Manila, out near Aquino, the international Air Port.

My Clan was 1 of 2 Syrian Jewish Clans that built the synagouge and imported the Rabbi, since we are all over Asia (though for some reason not in the Philippines...Go figure), but most people using it are Embassy Staff and the like...

I took a night flight into HK, spent an overnight on the free internet they have, and caught my next leg into Kennedy arriving this morning. I declared my morphine (having wisely finished my Oxy in HK), and again had no problem...though I did not exceed 50 tablets.

So, that means tomorrow will be spent getting on methadone for however long I am forced to stay here.

Next, I will be heading to Ruili in Yunnan, on the Chinese Burmese border, and after that perhaps Laos before they shut down the last commercial opium dens. I meant to head up there on my last trip into Cambodia but got lazy with that fat habit I developed...

Then, we will see about Mindanao...
Went to the Social Security Office today and finally turned in paperwork to get medical assistance. I really don't need medical assistance, I need a rejection letter for medical assistance.

Anyway, the lady at the desk told me to fill the paperwork (again), a case worker would review it and I'll have the letter today. Cool.

I was then told that I would have to wait 3 to 4 hours. I asked if I could just come back and was told that if my name is called and I'm not there, they just mail it to me. I told them to just mail it to me. I ain't waitin' 4 hours in a hot room filled with people.

I figure if they mail it tomorrow, I will most definitely have it by Monday (I live right up the street from there).

From there I take this letter to a placement agency of some sorts (I'll give the name of the place after I actually go through all this) and they say they can get me in the next day. With all the people seeking treatment, how the hell is there not a long wait list? I'm not complaining, I need this. I just don't get where they get the money to place so many people.
After the maintenance this weekend, and when I've confirmed the server is okay, I'm going to take a couple of weeks off Bluelight. I'm not really going anywhere, though I'd love to go up to Cairns if I had enough leave and work wasn't about to head into overdrive again.

Instead, the point of this is just to unplug from here and enjoy my weeknights and weekends to myself. I might even completely get off the computer and read a book. :o I also hope the time away sets the example to some of the more enthusiastic moderators here about the necessity of time away and getting their perspective back. Being caught up in the day-to-day drama of this place gets incredibly tiring after a while, so much so that I'm looking forward to this break as much as if I were going overseas for two weeks... which seems a little sad.

Not long ago I sat down and worked out that based on hours I spend on BL, calculated at the hourly rate my services would be contracted out for in the corporate world, I would be doing about $40k per year of "work" here. I could almost find that funny if it wasn't myself I was writing about.

While I'm away I also want to spend some time hanging out here, studying the song lyrics of Arcade Fire. :) Win Butler & Regine Chassagne's voices have been a constant in my life over the last twelve months.

I don't really care if they're indie, or emo or crap according to others. When they last toured Australia, I didn't really "get" them when many others did, and I didn't really like them... and then one day I just did. After which point, every one of their songs not only sounded incredibly beautiful but found resonance in my own experiences at the time, and still do.

"Ocean of Noise" off Neon Bible is probably my favourite song of theirs. It is one song that never fails to evoke an emotional response, especially from about the middle through the string section to the end. There were times in February this year I was on so much codeine I probably wouldn't have noticed if my arm was cut off but this song would always be able to get to me... would cut right through me.

There's a blog entry I want to make in two weeks so I may pop in to do that but otherwise you won't see me around much during my "holiday". :)
I just did a shot of some real good smack, I'm feeling fucking great right now. The stack of medical bills upstairs and my current job status are finally not on my mind. I've been stressing about them ever since I got back from camping this weekend which by the way, was a great vacation. I almost didn't go because I didn't have the money for pitch but decided I could spare a bag of dope and go have some real fun with friends up in the mountains. I still got dope of course (can't have much fun when you are sick), but only a half a gram instead of a whole one.

The trip was real nice, I enjoyed it a lot. I don't have much social interaction with people so this was a nice change. The whole trip was for my cousins friend Jessie's birthday so everyone was drinking every night making things interesting...almost too interesting and let me elaborate a little more on that topic. My cousin Jackie and my cousins friend Adrian are sort of "friends with benefits" at least that is what I would call it as much as she disputes it. I was hoping that the both of them finally got that fact that they could never be together in their head but apparently I was wrong. On the first night the two of them vanished for awhile from the camp fire and then when they got back you could tell something happened because they were being awfully close to each other and then when they went to bed it happened.

They were fucking in his car, now...don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me but I don't want to hear what my cousin sounds like when she is fucking...I couldn't imagine anyone would want to know what that sounds like. I went for a walk and did a shot of heroin behind my cousins car where no one could see me then I started thinking. You know. She is just setting herself up for another heartbreak, she wants commitment from a guy who won't ever fucking give it to her and I just wish she could accept that and try to find the "right" guy. Even now I know she has to be upset because I know she isn't talking to him and won't see him for another year...how could someone give themselves up like for one night and be ok with it? I don't understand it...
Why cant I just be nice to my friend. I always end up hurting her. Which makes me feel like shit beyond words. The one person whos never fucked me around, never hurt me on purpose or used me, and I always hurt her. I'm half debating 10mm or 12ga 000 to the face right now.
Hey Guise!

I thought I'd do a quick posting of the mod applications that I've received so far. To be honest, the applications themselves are a bit lackluster, but the I know for certain that the people behind them aren't.

lostNfound said:
Hey Dave

I'm generally logged in every day for at least a few hours at a time.
Been on the site a while, active in this part of the forum.

If you feel me to be suitable, then I'm happy to help out.


Cheers
Daniel

ocean said:
If Spork is not serious about applying-
I would like to
You know me, so I'm not going to do a whole intro-
I am modding TDS which is pretty high traffic but b/c Blogs is not so high traffic, I think I'd be fine with both.
I have sent you, in the past, some areas I see that could use improvement with Blogs.......like getting out there on the main page!
'Blogs' is one of my favorite parts of BL......
And I would love to be your back up!

I can't remember what all you asked for but if you want me to answer something or write you a more formal letter- let me know
Talk to you later.
dez

rangrz said:
An introduction: Tell me who you are, how long you've been an active poster, and a bit about yourself. I've been an active BLer for well over a year. I'm stimulant addict which is what brings me to BL. In my professional life, I'm section (squad) 2nd in command for a special operations team that does hostage rescue and counter terrorism as its main taskings. I'm obviously a vetern as well.
An estimate of how many hours a week you think that you would be able to contribute. oh god. I have no real life...at least 10 to 12 hours
One thing that you like best about Blogs, and one thing that you would like to improve. I lke that it gives people a place to blowoffsteam, to tell stories, and just say whats on their mind. I would like to improve the rude and harsh comments often made by some people.
Why you would like to moderate Blogs. Because I would like to give back to BL, and I think being a mod in blogs would allow to take my skills as an NCO (both discipline and leadership\encouragement) and transfer them to help out BL

My personal opinion: rangrz is a cool guy, but I don't think that I'd want someone who is jacked 24/7 as a mod. Plus I think that he would be a bit more heavy handed than I'd like when it comes to the actual moderation; I prefer to be hands-off unless there's a personal attack or other BLUA violation.

Ocean is cool, and when spork first quit she was my first choice. TDS snapped her up right away though, and she fits in there to a tee. One point that spork brought up though, and I think is valid, is that some people post in Blogs when things aren't going well for them, sort of as an adjunct TDS Venting forum. Hell, I've done that. The concern there is that modding TDS and Blogs might get a bit heavy after a while. But then again, she does have a great way with people, and it seems to take a lot to get her down. I would consider her a serious contender.

lostNfound really seems gung-ho about blogs, and I think that's great. He's offered some good suggestions (as has ocean) for the area, and since he's moderating another somewhat low traffic forum he'll not have a problem doing two. I don't know him as well as ocean, but he seems level-headed, and a good guy with whom to work.

I'd bet a fin that we won't get any new applications in; to be honest I was quite surprised to see rangrz's. If any new ones do arrive though, I'll edit them into this post so that we can all read them and discuss.
that me and my fellows had no budget limit, and diddnt have to worry about politics, so we could go off and try to help as many people as we could.

it would be nice, say, getting rid of mugabe or such. but too many politics around stuff.
another warefare doctrine blog, again, conventional warfare isnt my strongpoint, But I know it will enough to give a good overview.

first off, why do so many shitty armies fightin clumps? dont they get yet that clumps are awesome targets for heavy weapons and machine guns?

in open country, we like a spacing of 300 meters between men...that means a rifle section of 8 men covers 2400 meters, and simililary there are 2400 meters between them all. Making them very hard to hit with anything.

and of course, we try to funnel them into bunchs. Usually with wire, mines and machine guns.

funnel them into a sector covered with heavy MG's MK-19's, 80mm's and perhaps even a battery of 155's. Along with riflemen in prepared fighting posn's. Bam Taliban and friends are toasted.

btw, toyota tacoma hitting a antitank mine is pretty epic, moreso when filled with 15 taliban.

and that is the very basics of the defense, funnel the enemy into a confined zone where your majore firepower can be brought to bear.

if I feel like it soon, I will write a "fictionalized" account of hostage rescue operations on a pirated boat.
tO ALL DA BROS WHO DON'T KNOW BOUT DA BRO FISTS HERE YA CHANCE TO GET DOWN WITH DA BRO-THERHOOD AND DONT DO DRUGS STRAIGHTxEDGE 4 LYFE BRO!

1. Bro Fist
1. A simple piece of lineart that was accompanied by certain text that originated on the internet, commonly displayed on forums/ message boards. This is the original bro fist:
...........
...................__
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
2. A simple act of greeting between two bros. It is done by raising the left hand, connecting with another bro's bro fist with the knuckles, and turning counter-clockwise 90 degrees. Usually accompanied by a colloquial "Sup, bro".

1. BRO FIST IF YOU DON'T POST THIS TO 5 OTHER BROS YOU'RE NOT A BRO
2. "Hey Jim what's up, bro?"
(insert bro fist here)
"Nothing much bro, did you see Manswers yesterday? That show is the shit."

atri said:
chainsawr said:
Dear atri,

You have received a warning at Bluelight.

Reason:
-------
Other BLUA Violation

lulz killing, killing the lols
-------

Original Post:
atri said:
IF UR A TRUE BRO SEND THIS TO 5 BROS
...........
...................__
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
ATRI'S BROMODS AGAINST BROFISTS
lol


iF U WERE FLATENNED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N THE FOREST CUTTIN & SETTIN FIRE ALL AROUND DA TREE THAT KILLED U!
..__
(| o\________
.|rs_}_______}

WE TRUE LUMBERJACKS
WE JACK TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this CHAINSAW to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get WOOD your A TRUE LUMBERJACK

bRO FIST
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸POST THIS TEN TIMES
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\IF UR A BRO
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
IF U WROTE A COOL STORY TOMORROW, I WOULDNT READ IT CUZ ID B N BANNED 4 ABUSIN DA REPORT BUTTON

...........
...................__
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(

WE TRUE BROS
WE WRITE COOL STORIES TOGETHER
WE SAGE TOGETHER
send this BRO FIST to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 13 your A TRUE BRO
IF UR MORTAL COIL WERE SHUFFLED OFF TOMORROW, I WOULDNT 2 UR FUNERAL GO CUZ ID B N THE FOREST DUELIN THE BEAR THAT SLEW U!

.........(
.........)\
.........{_}
.........-;-.
.......|'-=-|
.......|____|
.......|____|
.......|____|
.......|____|
.......'.___.'

WE TRUE SCHOLARS
WE PERUSE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER

send this BRIEF CANDLE to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 7 your A TRUE PARAGON OF ANIMALS

IF DA EMPEROR OF DOPE GAVE U SOME BAD XANEX N U DIED TOMMROW, I WOULDNT BE AT UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B KILLING DA EMPEROR DAT KILLED U!!!!1

...........
...................__
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(

WE TRUE FIENDS
WE COP TOGETHER
WE SHOOT TOGETHER
send this DOPE BRO FIST to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get a bundle your A TRUE BRO!
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IF U WERE KILLED TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 4 KILLIN DA PERSON THAT KILLED U!

..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ ..---___________----_____|] = = = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

WE TRUE HOMIES
WE RIDE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 13 your A TRUE HOMIE

explain later, sleepzZzZzz
Hey everyone,

After some discussion with the admins we've decided to cut short the application process for the upcoming Blog Mod position. Rather than leaving it open until the 21st, it will be closed on the 14th. We've already received a few good applications, but that doesn't mean that a few more wouldn't be great too.

Just a reminder: to apply please send a PM to me with:

  • An introduction: Tell me who you are, how long you've been an active poster, and a bit about yourself.
  • An estimate of how many hours a week you think that you would be able to contribute.
  • One thing that you like best about Blogs, and one thing that you would like to improve.
  • Why you would like to moderate Blogs.

Thanks to those who have applied so far! We'll try to have a decision in place by early next week.
FYI: Pillthrill I tried sending you a private message, but it said that you either are not accepting them, or you've been forbidden to receive them.
This was a trip. I answered all these questions, learned a few things, but they pretty much have me pegged correctly, I think.
Personality Profile:

Introduction to Agreeableness

This section of your profile describes your interactions with other people. The ways we communicate our feelings, beliefs and ideas to others are influenced by our cultural backgrounds, the way we were raised, and sometimes which side of the bed we got up on this morning. Some of us are very mindful of others making decisions we hope will be in their best interests, even if it means sometimes neglecting our own interests. Others of us believe each person should be responsible for themselves, taking deep pride in our own character and independence with a firm belief that others are best served by doing the same. The following describes how you engage with others; illustrating the dimension of your personality that determines your independence or your desire to reach out and touch others in meaningful ways.



You are best described as:

CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF


Words that describe you:

Uncompromising
Frank
Astute
Critical
Empirical
Tough
Discerning
Skeptical
Shrewd



A General Description of How You Interact with Others

When someone needs your help or wants you to do something you think before you act. See, at heart you believe deeply in personal freedom and individual responsibility. You think it is vital that people learn to take care of themselves so that they don't become dependent upon others. You believe that actions have consequences, and people need to accept the consequences of their actions if they are to learn from their mistakes and grow. You believe you wouldn't be doing anyone a favor if you lift someone out of trouble; they will never learn to lift themselves up if you keep rescuing them. And if you keep giving people a second, third or fourth chance, you have seen that people seldom develop the character they need to live decent and responsible lives.

You believe that compassion has a role to play in your life, in a structure of values that is encourages people to take care of themselves. Uncritical tenderheartedness does as much harm as good. You much prefer if people understand, in factual, empirical terms, how they got into trouble, and how they can lift themselves out of the mess they are in. In an emergency, of course, you're there to offer help and if someone has helped you out in the past there is no question about your loyalty. But whenever it is realistic, you are convinced people should take care of themselves.

Along with this you devote adequate time to taking care of your own needs and wants, in part because it makes you happy with your life and in part because that's what you truly believe every person should do. You cherish personal independence for yourself and others. Fostering such independence is the best way you find there is to love and care for others.



Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Your emphasis on personal independence and personal responsibility may seem to lack in compassion to some people. Undoubtedly you have encountered people who feel this way toward you. And some may find you to be rather selfish. You do stay focused on your own life, take responsibility for your own problems, and are not always moved by situations in which some people think some action is required. That is part of you and your basic beliefs about life. And some people will inevitably want you to be different, but that is simply not who you are.



Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

You're true to your beliefs and you hold yourself to the same expectations as you do with others. You are critical and tough with yourself, which gives you a consistency when you are critical and tough with others. And even when others don't agree with you, people are likely to admire your frankness. You say what you believe, even if what you believe runs counter to the motives and beliefs of others.

And you keep reminding people of two things that few people can argue with, even if they don't believe in them with your single-mindedness. Personal independence and personal responsibility matter to most people, and even the very compassionate admit that sometimes their hearts get in the way of what their heads know, which is to say that people should take care of themselves whenever they are able to do so. You remind people of this, in the honest way you live your own life and in the ways in which you respond, and don't respond, to other people

Introduction to Openness

How firmly committed are you to the ideas and beliefs that govern your thinking and guide your behavior? Some people trust their current ideas and beliefs the way a climber trusts the mountain; whichever way they move, whether the climb is on a familiar trail or over new ground, there is something solid beneath them, something they count on.

For others, new ideas, new solutions to old problems, new beliefs that replace tired convictions are like welcome wind in their sails. They can hardly wait to tack in a new direction and ride a new idea through uncharted waters. If it's new, it's interesting, and they're ready to explore.

The following paragraphs describe your responses to new ways of thinking and believing. How do you handle new information? Are you more like the climber on a familiar mountain or a sailor with a tiller in hand and a fresh breeze to propel you? How you integrate and process new information about the world and about others is a core aspect of your personality.



On the Openness Dimension you are:

CONTENT


Words that describe you:

Sensible
Realistic
Conventional
Sincere
Simple
Firm
Earnest



.
I hadn't planned on writing right now, but quickly (I think) I got through a hellacious week of no Rx painkillers for 8 going on 9 days. Although afraid, I DID call and finally got it straightened out tonight. What happened apparently is that the reason the Doc's office didn't call in a new Rx is because there was still a refill from my LAST Rx, except the pharmacist fucked up and put no refills. Shit. I sure could of used those pills, but I'm glad it's all straightened out. I was freaking out big time for the fact of no more direct meth connect AND no more Rx too? Holy fuck that was cruel. So then I scolded Erik for saying he sent my package again, which never arrived. I'm assuming that unless on the odd chance Mom snagged it. I'm sure I would of heard something though? Hell I don't know anything anymore. Still, so yeah I was disappointed, the needles I'm having to reuse over and over and I don't want to take the chance of having them sent by a company online like I did before when I lived at my own place or one of my dealer's pads. I'd have them sent to Aimee's house, but the fucking needles would get stolen which sucks.

Sigh. This leaves me having to scout out an exchange program in LA because Orange Curtain doesn't allow them here. Whatever. So sorry, Erik if I came off harsh, but last week was the week from hell being pretty much cut off from everything in a way. I DID taper myself off the meth. I didn't do any Sat or Sunday and felt fine. I did my last 2 shots this morning after work and still barely felt them. The shit's still in my system, and I guess that means my tolerance is still quite high. Ok fine. I've been watching what I eat in order to maintain the 50 lbs I've lost. I did meet someone on line that offered to hook me up with sister Crystal. He lives in Hollywood. I've talked to him both on line and on the phone and he seems pretty cool, but still I know that this could be dangerous. He could be a cop for all I know, although I doubt it. Still, actually I really DO want to take a real break, at least a whole week off, get the shit out of my system, but I do have left over ephedra pills from when they were legal to combat the idiotic chronic fatigue when the fucker decides to hit me again.

In a way I don't mind, it's just that I HATE being forced to quit and I want it to be my choice. As for the painkillers, I managed to wean myself off of those. Thank Christ I had a huge supply of Tramadol to ease me off the W/D's and some chick at Aimee and Linda's house gave me 2 klonipins, which I used sparingly, plus Linda gave me 1/2 pill. They did help tremendously along with the Tramadol to cut W/D's so I wasn't a nervous, fucked up, complete wreck. I seriously was unable to go to work last Tuesday, as I kept having panic attacks. There was no way in hell I could show up for a difficult patient and be all freaked out. I feel much better now. I'm going to take it easy, try to on the pills, make them last 2 weeks, which is what I normally did. As I said before, I want to take a break from the meth too, while shopping around for other connections. I've had offers of course off the sex site, but if I used one of them, there would be a price attached. Sigh. I tried to have sex with Jimmy, a dude from the meth head social circle 3 or 4 weeks ago because he kept hounding me and I thought maybe it would be easier to try doing it with him instead of a stranger off the sex site.

My sex drive was completely gone on the meth. It started coming back a little bit today, before I took my last 2 shots, so apparently now that I don't look like a fat pig anymore perhaps I could respond sexually when sober better than on meth. All I know is that with Jimmy, I could not respond in the least. I had dry mouth, dry pussy, and the more I tripped about it, the worse the performance anxiety became, so we finally called it quits. "I warned you," I told Jimmy. It's all good. I just don't want a repeat of THAT episode. I think I kind of understand how men must feel when they can't get hard. I could do nothing other than put my ass in the air, and submit to a dry fuck (in the pussy) but Jimmy couldn't really stay hard for long due to my unresponsiveness. So, Rich is gone, that's a shame. I can call his girlfriend to see what she says, however, I will not be buying cut shit. Linda claims that she's always late, unreliable, her prices are higher than Rich's and she cuts it. I don't think so. I might give her ONE chance, explain that I'm willing to try her out, but if it is bogus shit like Linda says, then there will be no repeat business from me.

Some other good news is that I actually did start getting some shit done that I need to get done. Writing on meth is mandatory for me, but anything else that entails unwanted responsibility, fucking forget it, hell even sex apparently. I am the biggest exhibitionist on cam, but that's ALL I want to do. Going out to actually meet someone that I don't love and who does not love me turns out to be a giant disappointment each and every time. I had fun today though. I don't have the perfect body, but I am quite attractive even with I don't know 20 extra lbs? I'm still at 185, I still feel free to move, and actually LIKE walking and moving around once again. I remind myself of that each and every time I reach for the candy in the store, so usually I don't get it. I don't EVER want to experience the hell of being 240 lbs again. Ever. That was so horrible. It did put things in perspective though. At this weight, I'm attractive, although there was no convincing me of that say 14 or 15 years ago, hell even 10. I thought I was ugly, but now after being the size of 2 people instead of 1, I see things differently, so that's the one good thing that came out of all of that.

So I'm off to the store. Hopefully yahoo doesn't delete more entries. What a bunch of crap. If I only let druggies read my shit, what the hell is the fucking problem?

P.S. Zephyr somehow you had me pegged exactly right. This is before I saw or read your comment too. That was a trip.
I had to go to my nieces christening yesterday as the Godfather. I felt privileged to be asked.

That's a first for me and something I take seriously. I like kids.
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