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So it came to pass, as these things generally do on a blissful sunny saturday afternoon, that I found myself in a pickle. A quandry, if you will.

Whilst blessed with the odd diamond in the sky, as the day progressed I started to question ones existence and my place in this vast and unforgiving universe.

Little did I know at the time that soon time would be of the essence, and with that, become inconsequential. A slight disassociative state of mind presented itself when dusk fell and the question I had asked earlier became more prominent and rather confrontational.

There was no respite from its harrowing impetus, and altough I had collapsed into a puddle by then, a brief excursion to the African savannah wasn't all that comforting. Physical constraints that previously were gone unnoticed has surfaced somehow and gave birth to a most peculiar mode of walking.

Anyway, since timeywimey is wiblywobly anyway I just had to give in to the realisation that I do not have the faintest clue as to what I'm doing.

Then I started to look around; looked at people, thought about people and their actions. How we act and behave and influence and impose and manipulate others. Thinking it all makes sense.

And then the dawn of reckoning came upon me as I stood there gazing at my ceiling, realising that NOBODY ELSE HAS THE FAINTEST CLUE AS TO WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

Well allrighty then.

it's just one thing after the other.. I'm fucking done
lose my boyfriend to drugs, have my wallet stolen/lost with all my cash, give in to addictions of my own, and now I've got people lying about me, betrayal.. I know there are other people with way worse problems than mine but fuck it sucks
And I'm so tired of it
Wish the world would leave me alone,
like I'm supposed to be

whata bore this miami is nothing to make me feel good Im getting the hell out of here

SPOT test plan trains TSA agents to look at for strange behavior



The Transportation Security Administration has the responsibility of balancing two competing forces - security of air travel and customer service. The brand new Screening Passengers by Observation Techniques program is attempting to streamline security a bit. Ideally, the program is meant to cut down on how several hand-checks have to be completed. The GAO has, however, questioned how scientifically good and accurate these SPOT checks might be. Resource for this article - TSA SPOT program will focus on behavior detection in airports by Newsytype.com.



SPOT plan launches in Boston Logan International Airport


The new Transportation Security Administration security plan is being tested in the Boston Logan International Airport as of Tues. Both officer training and effectiveness will be included for the next 60 days. The SPOT plan relies on something relatively basic - a conversation. Security officers have conversations with travelers. They check ID and boarding passes at the same time. As reported by the TSA site, "security officers are screening travelers for involuntary physical and physiological reactions that people exhibit in response to a fear of being discovered." Some of these criteria consist of things such as walking too quickly or acting nervous.



SPOT racism


The SPOT program was done by the Transportation Security Administration. The TSA looked at programs in other countries first. Several people are mad about the idea of racism in the program. It is built in, in the programs in other countries. Being Arab is enough to get extra screening in Israel. The Transportation Security Administration indicates that the agency is trying to cut individual biases out of the system:



Referrals are based on specific observed behaviors only, not on one's appearance, race, ethnicity or religion.



The Transportation Security Administration has been testing the SPOT plan in airports since 2003, but the Boston Logan International Airport is the first full-scale test of the system.



The accuracy SPOT will display


In a recently released report, the Government Accountability Office questioned the scientific basis of the SPOT program. The office did not specifically say that the SPOT program had no scientific basis at all, but it questions the length of time Behavioral Detection Officers (BDOs) can carefully and closely observe passengers and make sound safety decisions. The GEO report goes even further. It said that "no other large-scale security screening program based on behavioral indicators has ever been rigorously scientifically validated." In hopes of answering a question or two, the SPOT plan is in the Boston Logan International Airport.



Information from

GAO Report
Transportation Security Administration Politico
CNN

Selecting if it is the right time to purchase your kid a mobile phone can be hard. If you are a parent in this situation and have not made up your mind, here's some information on getting cellphones for kids, thanks to the National Consumers League. Article source: Kids and cellphones: Knowing when the time is right

Children are getting younger

NCL representative John Breyault explained that about 75 percent of U.S. teens have their own cellphones while ages 9 to 12 is the fastest growing group of cellular phone users.

"The age a child gets a first cellphone is getting progressively younger. Parents want to be in touch with their kids," said Breyault.

The NCL says that you should do a few things before getting a kid a cellphone, no matter what your reason is for getting one.

Why does my kid need a cellphone?

Every parent should look at this first. No cellular phone should be bought without first contemplating this. Everyone wants to get Emergency GPS. Still, there are other choices to take into account such as the amount of minutes, texting, chat, internet access, gaming, and music downloads you would like your kid to have. Plus, if they're prone to losing things, you'll want to ponder pur-chasing handset replacement insurance.

Which plan to choose

Once you know what your child needs in a cellphone, it is time to select a service plan. Your child might not be able to limit themselves with texting, calling, and data. Is a cap what you need?

You are able to get a standard contract plan or prepaid plan for kid. A contract plan offers detailed bills that spell out all charges and allows you to lock in a package of possibilities, but the typical two-year contract comes with a stiff early termination fee if you decide to try something else. The prepaid plans allow you to ignore the idea of overage fees. It usually costs more with a smartphone though.

Reception should be accessible at all places your kid will be. This consists of friends’ houses, school, malls and sporting areas. If reception is spotty, that chunk of plastic and metal is far less useful.

What you should know about texting

Most cellphone plans depend on texting and SMS. Doing 2,000 to 4,000 texts a month isn't unlikely for a teenager or tween. That means unlimited plans are usually the best choice. If there's a family plan where minutes and texts are being shared, then this is even more im-portant. Unlimited texting typically costs and extra $10 to $20 per month.

When choosing how much you want to pay, there are other things to think about. This consists of texting, IM, Twitter, Facebook and other services. “Sexting” should be involved in the talk parents have with their kids before purchasing a cellphone. Your child is more likely to be cyber bullied when online all the moment.

Take into account whether your kid is emotionally ready to have access to technology that can both bring individuals together and tear them apart. It is a good idea to talk about cellphone appropriateness. There's a wrong and right time to use one. Each family and school will have different rules.

All about DadLabs comments

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG7WQcOPHuc

Articles cited

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/otherparentingissues/i/kids_cellphones.htm

http://www.modbee.com/2011/09/18/1864271/claudia-buck-tips-offered-for.html

http://www.nclnet.org/technology

It's so weird, the way energy works. The minute that bitch walks in the door, my mood instantly changes from happy to angry. I'm fucking pissed off and have a headache and nothing bad even happened.

Today I skipped school and slept in, catching up on all the sleep I needed after staying up too late every night before school. I don't even care if I go, and neither do the teachers. So long as I keep up the A's.
Today I just want to rest, eat, be content and get high. I don't have any drugs other than weed, and no money left to buy anything else, so I guess I'll have to wait until Alex helps me earn back the money I lost. If I was high, I probably wouldn't be so pissy. That's the thoughts of a fool..

I'm just bored and moody, I don't even know why I'm writing this. Whatever..

If you live in south western Ontario you probably heard about the incident that is currently going on in my city of London, Ontario.

http://www.am980.ca/channels/news/local/Story.aspx?ID=1543775

A vendor is now being denied the ability to have a stand in the market because one of her employees is MTF transgendered. They have now told her that if she wants to hire a transgender person that there is no way she can have a stand in the market because it's a family environment and transgenders have no place in "family settings".

Oh Trails End Farmer's Market, if you only knew....





idiots.


So some of us are thinking of going to protest with the rest of the people protesting. I'm not sure because I'm sick and all....I might though.

Hopefully this shit fixes itself mighty quick.

I was bent over a broken pinball machine in a bowling alley & I threw it all away.

JW III

It's good to have good friends and family that trust you... I know in my heart I don't really deserve trust for matters such as this, but by the time I'm done writing this entry, I probably won't really care... I'm talking about the kind of trust in handing an addict nearly $100 worth of Lortab 10's for free, expecting them to last that person a week when in reality they probably won't last me through tomorrow... I can already feel those comforting waves of warmth that I have grown to love so much start to radiate through my chest, and for the rest of the night, all will be well with the world... Come Friday, or maybe Saturday if I manage to exercise a tremendous amount of self control, I know I'll probably be right back to square one and feeling like utter shit again.

But you know what bothers me more than anything? The fact that I just don't care... I wonder, how hard will I have to hit bottom before I even *want* to get my shit together...?

I've heard it all when it comes to banging Adderall. Getting a good ol Gasp n cough hard rush from iv Adderall has become some sort of quest to find adderalls holy grail. Well its absolutly possable. It doesn't matter if its immideate reliese or XR. Ive been challanged so many times with this one and i win every time. it ony takes 20 to 40 mg depending on your tolerance. Id start out on the low side. I preped 15 mg for a buddy of mine that did not believe it was gonna do a thing he's a pritty hard core meth user. After he banged it it was about 7 seconds laiter when his face turned purple and he almost puked that he started jumping around the room yelling "the new phone books are here, the new phone books are here." Ill never be this blabby again I just wanted to give a little background. N E wase here is how to do it.

1.) Thourolly pulverize 20 to 40 mg of adderall

2.)mix 100 ui of 125*F water to powder in a small vessle I.E. a spoon or whatever your using.

3.) Heat gently keep below 200*F

4.)the solution will start to clarify as soon as it does draw it up through a cotton in a 100ui rig.

5.)Squirt the solution back out and into a 1 qt jar lid lined with aluminum foil. Put in oven on warm until all of the water evaporates. you will be left with pure amphetamine salts in crystaline form turn foil over on a glass surface and tap out the crystalls. put them in a spoon add 15 ui of water mix draw up and bang the dickens out of it. I gaurentee its an adderall boogie youv never felt befor.

Enjoy, from theskarekrowknows

Got some BBQ Wings in the oven here in NYC. . ITs been a while. smokin waiting for the BBQ wings to finish .. 8(

i want to write and direct a sketch comedy show that focuses on mocking career reality tv shows(ice road truckers, operation repo, etc)

30 minute show, every week we feature two careers (mail man, sanitation workers, bankers, custodians, doctors, school teachers, musicians, landscaping, bass fisherman....there are not limits)

keys to success? stereotype to death and include clever and frisky situations

it'd be filled with dry humor, extremely politically incorrect material, have an MA rating, and would stray away from just being random garbage

and there's no way in hell i'm using those fake laughs after every line(the funniest shows don't use that bullshit...arrested development, curb your enthusiasm, always sunny)

who wants to be part of the team, as an actor/actress or a writer?

Opiates are my drug of choice i love Opana, Oxy, Dilaudid, Codine etc. I've tried heroin but where I'm from its not very easy to come by, its expensive, and never very good so i stick to the shit made by chemists. I love smoking weed. Ecstasy and Molly are always a good time and ill take it if its around but not on a regular basis. I'm always down to drink a beer with the boys or down a bottle of wine with the girls. I'm a badass chick trying to play it safe when it comes to using. What's your favorite drug? legal or illegal, and Why? Feel free to tell me a little about yourself. I'm interested in the types of people that are blogging on this site and ready to share my knowledge and even more ready to learn.
One Love.

So I have barely slept in 3 days because of coughing, they're not ready to label it an infection yet so they won't give me anti-biotics so i am stuck coughing my lung up all day and night.

Today I went in complaining that I can't sleep at night due to all the harsh coughing. My throat is raw, and I am sooooo bloody tired. Along with my gf cause I keep her up with my coughing AND it doesn't help that the fucking neighbor dogs keep barking every FREAKING morning at 7am. I put a complaint in today FINALLY. I have put up with it for 3 months now......longer even. I am beyond fed up and need my sleep - well all do. I am betting all the neighbors are fed up and haven't been able to complain....or have....the more complaints the better. Maybe one day they'll get kicked out. They really NEED to be gone. Fucking psycho ass bitches. You'd think they'd be kicked out of a family community after KINAPPING 2 children 3 years ago....nope. They can't kick them out unless they have attacked someone and been arrested, too many public disturbance calls or something of a serious nature that cops have been involved and court pending. Fuckers have clovers up their asses. We all know they are staying only because everyone wants them gone. No one likes them, and everyone says it to their faces. They don't care.

So yeah I was prescribed Koffex (60ml) 2tsp at night (if badly needed during the day only). I am not sure if I like being prescribed this. I know my brother gets it and was addicted to it for a couple years until the doc cut him off and wouldn't allow the pharm to dispense it to him anymore.

Well I am also down to 139Lbs from 150Lbs, I was hoping to stay at 140Lbs but 139Lbs isn't too bad. As long as I don't go under 135Lbs I am fine with it all. I need to eat more like before I guess. We'll see.

Now talking about food, off to eat my skipped brekkie and then slip into bed and snog my gal. lol.

I have been working on my social anxiety with my phych for a couple months now he keeps pushing me to confront my fears. He says in order to get better I have to put myself in social situations that make me uncomfortable he says by doing that gradually my anxiety will decrease. Well tonight I got thrown in one of those situations I was with this dude I just met and apperantly he talks to everyone he sees. It was really uncomfortable he would like stop to talk to someone while we were walking and I would just stand there like wtf then I would try and introduce myself it was awkward at first. Then we are heading in from smoking and he starts talking to these 2 girls he knows who are smoking cigs on this bench. This girl captured my mind like she starts talking some anthropology and history and I was hooked.

She is gorgeous to but not in the conventional way shes small great legs short brown hair quick sarcastic wit. So you know im nervous and stoned but I got a read on her we had alot in common and I could tell she was feeling what I was saying. The best part is I recognized the signals I took what I had learned about body language and was able to recognize what she was feeling. So things are going well we talk as a group for like an hour and the conversation starts losing steam and im thinking im gonna get her number. so we get up to go a say "Let me get your number" shes like sure.

Then I made a mistake a really bad mistake I fucked up like just writing this im pissed at myself for celebrating too soon. After I get her a number I say it was cool meeting you and start walking away. She goes "I was gonna get a hug but I gotta go" in a kind of sarcastic tone. Fuck. It was like I got distracted I was high and I was thinking about asking for her number so hard that I didnt even think about what I would do if she said yes.But I am going to stay positive maybe she will forget about it and see me again. Im going to text her tommorow.

im all a board but the day has rain in it. kind of sprinkling inside itself with bits and pieces of over used exclamation points. ah well, too many sorrys to stuff in one sack, i say. not too late to hop on the train to freedom, really let loose of the grind and power drive my way to 88. give society the finger and just keep going off into the distant hills where nomads roamed in quiet solitude. what a life.
all i can really say is that once you start you cant really stop. sure you can pull over but the god damn mess just keeps rushing past you, leaving you behind with a brown bag in your hand wondering what time it is. best to keep moving. keep up with the traffic all of one life can create for itself. but isn't that the fun of it? isnt that the sole purpose we survive? to run with trouble if not against it?
if i were a man id be a bettin' one, and id lay everything down on lucky weirdness. where's your will to be weird? to make hay in the shade? most of the time youll get a break and if your sincere that break probably be a damn good one. somewhere there's a capacity for great achievement or great failure, but who am i to know the difference?

by atmosphere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aZJasbTXn0

I love this fucking country (who feels me?)
And she loved me more than I could imagine
So I waited till she slept then I stepped into traffic

Ran away from the backyard to drift some more
Woke up in Texas next to a liquor store
With a woman who don't even drink alcohol
Big letters "IRONY" tagged on the wall
She was named for another flat land
We had a strong back then
In common, we had a bond
That would never see the break of dawn
To damn afraid of the queen trying to take the pawn (threw that away)
Yes, yes headed out west and got undressed
With the nurture she gave me
Made me trip and get obsessed
There was a lady in Los Angeles
That handled this the way the manual suggest
She turned me on to music that I never heard before
She told me stories from a cup I haven't leaned to pour
And I don't know who hurt it more
Professional journals or perpetual burn holes
Scarring up the dirty floor (peace)

Found a hollow hole in the Colorado snow
It's like I follow anywhere el Diablo go
Took a stroll with the feline
And sat silent while the snow flakes fell into the design
Can't let her dance up on top on the top floor
Been there done that
What do you think it's locked for?
I've lost more to my traveling soul
Then I care to talk about so I'll be out, I'll be on the road
(Down, down) Down in Gainesville
No stranger to shame. Coltrain and pain pills
Sometimes the ceiling's to easy to stare at
But it keeps me from a forest full of snare traps and bear traps
And it can't come clean without the sun beams
And it ain't complete without the drum beats
I can tell she don't want me "as is"
Time to climb back into the van and make the back stiff
And I had to add one more story to the infinite
Already interwoven through a New York cigarette
Ex lover and a best friend
Best lover and an ex friend'll bend for alcoholic sentimentalism
And the rhythm of religion on the p.a. make the people here say,
"God bless the deejay"
She stays to wait for a replay
While I wonder if I'll be able to hear it from the freeway?

Chicago, inside of an empty bottle
There's a thin line between gossip and gospel
And there's a house over there near Wicker Park
Where I found out smart was afraid of the dark
Had to break a heart just to help me heal up
Tie a knot in the stomach just to help me seal up
Make sure the demons stay beneathe the core
Pray for you and yours and whoever you believe in more
Look around you there's angels amongst us
(Look around you there's angels amongst us)
Sittin' in the rain at some sidewalk cafe
Half of her wet cigarette in the ash tray
She's tryin' to find a lost soul to save
And I'm a lost soul trying to find a road that's paved
Keep faith in my suitcase, pack my beliefs
Angels exist, I've even seen some sleep
I love this fucking country (who feels me?)
And she loved me more than I could imagine
So I waited till she slept then I stepped into traffic

I took 60mg of loperamide this morning to stave off the sickness... I got the more expensive drug store brand (every grocery store was out of the bulk bottles, cause I bought em out I guess, heh) that apparently dissolve instantly in your mouth, so that was 30 little pills worth of mush that alllllmost came right back up, lol... Made me feel horribly dehydrated no matter how much I drink and gave me a headache all day. At least my legs quit trying to run away from me. But anyway...

I dunno... I'm bored as fuck at work right now, and I don't really have anything to go home to later on but my roommate's annoying cats... All I can think about is getting high. Something, anything... I still feel too shitty to get drunk, I can barely get a shot down without hurling it back up.

Right at this moment, I just feel ... empty. Empty time, it's damn depressing. I don't wanna bum any more pills off of friends/family for fear of looking even more like a junkie than I'm sure I already seem... But my back really does fucking hurt... All thanks to my dumbass ex who doesn't know how to drive. My doc won't give me anything but tramadol anymore, which is the most useless drug I've ever been prescribed, for anything, all it does is give me a massive headache and destroy my appetite. Thinks he's slick, changing me over like that... Guess that's what I get for acting clueless.

Fuck... I just wanna go to sleep...

i am gonna roll alone, i have rolled many times before, i enjoy it very much! i lov rolling with really close friends its the best but i looked around on the internet and found alot of people say its not that bad rolling alone. i am just making sure that i wont be either bored or it wont be fun i kno i'll have plenty to do between music and movies and blazing i just want to make sure that i dont make the wron decsion to do this.

1. what is one of your favorite childhood memories?
Going to Disneyland. Every time.

2. How does your life compare to your life 10 years ago?
Well, I might not have thought so at the time. But it was much simpler back then.

3. what does your wallet look like?
I have two - one is a normal, ugly, brown leather wallet that came from I don't even know where. The other one is is a brown plaid Coach wallet that is just as ugly.
I need a new wallet.

4. favorite pizza toppings:
My ideal pizza looks like this: Chicken, bacon, pepperoni, BBQ sauce, mushrooms, olives, and extra cheese. I've never had it, but it sounds amazing.

5. List 2 truths and lie. People can guess in the comments which is lie.
I am a food junkie, but somehow manage to stay very petite.
I'm a Pisces.
My favorite TV show of all time is The O.C.

6. How many email addresses do you have?
Oh God. Way too many.

7. Do you pee in the shower?
No, although I heard it's actually kind of good for your skin? Your feet? Or something. There's probably a bit of truth to that - it does cure jellyfish stings, after all.

8. Name 3 websites you frequent (besides BL)
Facebook. StumbleUpon. YouTube.

9. What is your favorite word? Why?
Gorgeous. I like what it means, and it sounds pretty to say.

10. Where is some place you have always wanted to go?
The Bermuda Triangle.

this is a private blog. a_c's comment should show up as moderated if she comments.

Im for real this book is amazing this is like mt 10th time reading it since I got it a few years ago. I saw the movie around the first time I did heroin and thought it was brilliant so I went out and bought the book but I got scared off by the scottish writing style. It languished for awhile while my life happened I got addicted to heroin and learned what it was all about. I rediscovered the book during my first real run with heroin I can remember reading it on nights when I was sick in my room waiting for sunrise and the relief it might bring. I fell in love the book just captures so many things that only a junky would know it seriosly will take my breath away when I realize that Welsh just made so much sense of things in my life.

To this day I will read a chapter or so a week or whenever I am thinking about dope as I am tonight. I really cant recomend the book enough it is a little bit daunting at first because of the language and the way it is written each chapter is an individual story told from a different persons perspective but it comes together nicely it is so worth the investment of time I promise. I wanna type out the choose life quote as I dont think the movie gave it the perspective that the book does.

The chapter is searching for the inner man from page 18 in my copy.
Background Renton is talking about his interactions with a drug counselor and how society doesnt get dope addiction.

"Society invents a spurious convoluted logic tae absorb and change people whae's behaviour is outside its mainstream. Suppose that ah ken aw the pros and cons, know that ah'm gaunnae huv a short life, am ay sound mind etcetera, etcetera, but still want tae use smack? They won't let ye dae it. They won't let ye dae it, beacuse its seen as a sign ay thir ain failure. The fact that ye jist simply choose tae reject whit they huv to offer. Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mouth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye've produced. Choose life.
Well, ah choose no tae choose life. If the cunts cannae handle that, it's thair fuckin problem. As Harry Lauder sais, ah jist intend tae keep right on to the end of the road"

I've been thinking a lot about my dog that passed away a little over a year ago. I've been feeling strong feelings of loss, sadness and, well... I just plain old miss him.

I woke up early today, showered and pulled a shirt out of a dry cleaning bag (its been a LONG time since I had this shirt dry cleaned). I drove about three hours intermittently with the windows down and sunroof open.

I hugged about 7 people and moved around quite a bit.

So? Well, I went to a meeting tonight and the topic was on Death from the Just For Today book:



After the reading, I look down on my shirt and find a kinky strand of my dog's hair.

Thanks for looking out for me, Shaman. I needed that.

How tall are you barefoot?
5'11'ish
Have you ever smoked heroin?
yes
Do you own a gun?
no (wait... if you;re referring to dick than, yes, yes I do own a 'gun')
Rehab?
twice
Do you get nervous before making phone calls?
sometimes. usually when I'm calling females
What do you think of your friends?
IRL? don't have any. Online... they are fucking awesome
What's your favorite Christmas song?
don't have one
What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water, carb powder, pre-workout supplement
Do you do push-ups?
yes but they are fucking boring
Have you ever done ecstasy?
yeah
Are you vegetarian?
nope
Do you like painkillers?
not for me. I don't fuck around with drugs
What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I stare at them until they feel uncomfortable and call the police.
What time did you wake up today?
6:03 am
Current worry?
Is she ok?
Current hate?
the damage addiction causes
Do you own slippers?
no
Do you burn or tan?
I used to burn like a motherfucker but since moving to CO I am getting tan
What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower
How many TVs do you have in your house?
2
Do you wish on stars?
no
What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I dunno... maybe something by Loreena McKennitt
What song do you want played at your funeral?
Macy Gray - The Letter
Do you love someone?
dunno

When I was in rehab my therapist said that she had no doubt in her mind that I would do fine with the recovery aspect of my addiction. Her concern was regarding acceptance of the mental health side of my diagnosis.

This is still fucking with me. This is how my paperwork reads:




They never diagnosed me for ANYTHING. I was never in a room with a psychiatrist or psychologist for more than 5 minutes. I was never assessed, diagnosed or even paid attention to by you fuckers. You went strictly by what happened 17 years ago after my last rehab. You fuckers threw pills at me in 1993 because I was fucking sad. Everyone gets sad, man. Why the pills?

Why am I bringing this up now? Recently, more than one person has mentioned that I may have a eating disorder. They mentioned that my comments regarding my perception of my body are indicative of a disorder and not necessarily my eating habits.

I don't think I have a disorder but... that lady at the rehab's words are fucking with me. Am I unable to accept that I have mental health issues? Yes, I sometimes feel utter loathing for myself but this is nothing compared to the sheer hatred i used to feel towards myself.

I dunno... how can you piggy-back a 17 year old 'diagnosis'? How can you say I have mental health issues when none of my Axis indicate this anyway? You typed that shit out and now you wanna say some shit off the fucking record.

Go fuck yourself. I'm good now. You have no idea how good I am right here, right now.