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accidentally, what is going to happen to me?
Mental complacency is the death you have always feared.
In my last 2-fma post, I mentioned that I didn't think 2-fma would be as fun recreationally as adderall. This is due to the fact that I had only done it for work. The first time I tried doing it outside of work was actually when I wrote that post. Turns out it's pretty good recreationally. Note the verboseness of that post - just like adderall, 2-fma makes writing oodles of fun.

It's kind of weird. When I do it for work (at 60mg), I don't really notice any of the speedy effects. Physically I feel normal, but I'm in a better mood, more focused, etc. But when I do it outside of work, I notice the speedy effects a lot more. It's euphoric and fun and makes everything interesting. So at this point, having done it outside of work a few times, I believe it to be almost identical to adderall in terms of good effects. I have still not experienced any bad effects and it's been 2 months of frequent use. The first month I was doing it 4 consecutive days a week then 3 days off. This past month it's been 2-3 times a week on random days.

I have experimented with dosing 2 capsules at once (total of 120mg) and at that point I DO notice the physical effects even when at work. They are mostly good effects but occasionally cause me to feel overwhelmed/anxious. This is always brief and isn't really that unpleasant. I know, I really should have planned better and made some 80 or 90mg capsules rather than just doubling my dose. But I'm lazy and had a bunch of capsules already made and on a day I woke up feeling tired and knew there was a lot of shit to get done I took 2. Overall, I don't think that taking 120mg is exactly twice as good as 60mg, so there is somewhat of a ceiling effect. 60mg on day 1 and 60mg on day 2 gets you more bang for the buck than 120mg on day 1. But considering how cheap this stuff is and how much more I have left, I'm not too concerned with conservation. I should note that both eating and sleeping are obtainable on this dose as well. (By this I mean that I can fall asleep by 10pm when dosing at 6am. Eating isn't much of a problem at any point - I've eaten 1 hour after dosing with ease)

So a month later and still so far, so good.
I’m nodding off at the university computer. Not because I’m high, but because I’m tired. From being high last night - It’s something I’m used to. Even if I had the money, I wouldn’t go and get high right now though. My stomach feels fragile from the excessive amounts of sorbitol I had to consume with my drug last night, because there’s no way unfortunately to remove it from the good opiate stuff.

I have a 1200 word essay to write, and it’s already 3 days late. I would be extremely lucky to pass, and every day that goes by without me starting reduces the likelihood of a pass grade even more. If this isn’t done today or tomorrow, I’m screwed. But it’s hard to start, and I’m here typing this instead. Sometimes, people say, the best thing to do is JUST START.

I haven’t masturbated in three days. Opiates make it hard to reach a satisfying climax. Instead more time than is worth the effort is spent grunting and straining while concocting the most potently sick sexual fantasy possible. Even then, I might not get lucky. What would be a nice distraction right now, a way to procrastinate healthily, would be to have a wank. There are more beautiful women doing nursing then you could count – even so, funnily enough, I’m not a fan of a nursing fantasy. The outfits are barely as sexy as they show in pornos. Mainly long pants and button up shirts. What would be better, is a blowjob, right here in the library, in the corner, just a quickie. Why is voyeurism taboo?

Days and weeks go by like nothing. It’s hard to stay interested in University. For the next three years, just to pass, I’ll have to work hard. I’m not good at that. I’m lazy. What makes it worse is that I’ll have no money either. Even if I got a casual job, the money would go to stupid things on the weekend. I won’t be able to save a substantial amount to do anything fun like travel or make any large purchases – the 100 or so bucks a day I make will go toward my chemical delights to take the edge of the week that has passed and ease me into the week to come. My cousins are pursuing doctorates and masters and are working to earn money every second they are not studying - something my father likes to remind me of constantly. Again, I’m lazy. But I know myself. I’m a drifter.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I want, because it’s incongruent to what my parents want and what they expect. Not that it has ever been any different. Extraordinary stress – first world problems – based on my status. Scrap the idea of my parents just wanting me to be happy. That’s not true, and it disgusts me when they pretend it’s so. I would appreciate honesty more – a bit of owning up to their own vanity and egos, would be nice. Never once have I had an agreement or reassurance that no one really knows what’s best in life – that everyone struggles, that most people don’t know what’s right for themselves let alone anyone else.
Still, I push on. I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. That’s enough.
After my OD I had a paralyzed right arm with no feeling, and was completely deaf.

My hearing and right arm numbness slowly got better. As of now, about 2 years since the OD, my hearing is 100% and my right arm is perfect except for spotty numbness in pinky and ring finger.



The road back is long, but some of the damage you caused might not be permanent.
in the last five years I've:
  • lived in three states
  • moved five times (3 times involving cross country moves)
  • had six jobs
  • attended two grad programs
  • got married
  • got divorced
  • made lots of new friends
  • attempted to stay in touch with old friends
  • traveled lots

tbc...
today i feel like william burroughs.
mostly because there are arab boys playing outside my house
burroughs would be thinking about fucking them.
me, i just wish they'd keep the noise down
Conversations coincide
you deliberate I deify
lets decide to compromise
before we find were in demise

Conquered
divide
to complex to summarize
Language fails
to comprise
the illustrations in my mind
Thoughts of inability
naivety, conspiracy
Feelings of inferiority
diabolically inept.

The mental secretes I have kept
memories I constantly correct
I did not think that
I did not feel
Love the ride
Nothing is real

Desperately despising
corruptly compromising
attention undivided
with no one to confide in, but

these walls
this ceiling
this bed
The colour blue
The feeling red

My mind is not dead
It is vast

But then who rhymes red with dead?

Too easy, displeasing
disbelieving of my own disposition
Intellect is my mission
Not this inferior composition

I can't express
I will give only the concept

Emotion
i started dating unglued in high school, we stayed more or less together until we split up in the spring time. we had an open enough relationship that we would do stuff with people on the sides, but it was always people we knew. i am trying this whole dating strangers thing and it is odd. i've complicated matters by saying i want a poly relationship.

i am seeing one dude, C, who is married. i've met his wife but they pretty much do their separate thing. he looks like david tennant (from doctor who). he is tall and lanky, and a really good kisser. i haven't made out like that in a long time. but he is more shy than me.

the other guy, P, is new to the poly thing. right now, i think he sees it as a way to hook up with several people at once. which doesn't bother me cause i am not about to jump into anything serious.

fucktwat and i are still friends, and his interest in anything more has been piqued by my dating adventures. we have another friend, S, who was busy going on about his womanizing ways and then started asking fucktwat about his sex life. that turned to whether or not fucktwat and i ever did everything. i quite liked watching fucktwat squirm. i think he really wanted to lie and say no. and then i think he was smack me after S left.
So since every time I have ever tried to come off of klonopin I become psychotic. I get very paranoid of people and I think ppl are plotting. I start to have the worst nightmares which provoke even more anxiety. I have been thru a psychosis so it's just being masked by my psych med's. But if I can't seem to go off of klonopin then I have to it, or some other benzo the rest of my life. I know that it was only supposed to be used up to six weeks. But I was going thru so much anxiety at the time that I would do anything just to get rid of it. Now I'm stuck but, accepting the fact that I have to be on a drug that some of my old buddies wish they could have just to be messed up....All it does for me is either make me tired. Or calm my brain down....I noticed that if I have gabapentin that I can stretch out the klonopin just a little longer....Is there anybody here that has to use a benzo daily or klonopin?
This is my life in random stories

Some will make you laugh .

I'ma jus start at 122 Rosewell Court
Here

https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=122+rosewell+court+Ba1+bath&hl=en&sll=51.357293,-2.368252&sspn=0.232829,0.676346&t=h&hnear=122+Rosewell+Ct,+Bath+BA1+2AH,+United+Kingdom&z=16&source=gplus-ogsb

THIS is a real place n so,me other poor Cunt lives there these days . Still ain't changed the Curtains either dirty cunts .

THe " Suicide Bogs" are 100 yards away name is self explanatory yeah ?

When i was given 122 by the local council i was a bit underwhelmed . It was a flat n i was Homeless but i thought i may get a Victorian one , that the city is famous for .

20 years old i think . N there was another guy Ian who moved in2 Rosewell on the same week . more about him later.

FUk this is a comit ment i jus made . back later .

Tamra n Zoe had a 2 floor maissonettE
te in the big tower bloc n that was the best score 4 18 months it took it 2c over 12 h & W dealers on a 152 proprety project in a world Heritage area tidy erh ?

Tamra died last week bled 2 death through sticking NeedLES
les in places u wouldn't imagine thaT REMINDED ME OF THIS TBH
Since my social commentary is not appreciated in CEP, someone suggested I make a blog....

Racist Editorial
from that fake news and editorials place.

Standards are shifting and poverty in the US is not a description of hardship.

How has the definition of poverty in America change? The Obama administration is now changing the definition of poverty so that a family of four, with full health insurance in New York City can be poor with an income of 39000. In Oakland it's around 43000.

But the reality is that -- for years there's been a huge gap between what the average American thinks about when he hears the word poverty. And even the old way that the government to find it. When you see --mainstream media running a story on poverty saying they're 49 Million poor people....they will feature homeless family but only about 2% of the poor are homeless.....In fact the average poor American lives -- a house or apartment that's larger than the average non poor Frenchman German or English --80% of poor Americans under the old definition -- air conditioning two thirds cable TV half of them have a computer.

A third of them have a widescreen HDTV a quarter of them have a Tivo.
That last comment was so racist and unnecessary. Soon they will tell us the average poor American does not live under a bridge, where the rent is so high their children have to use prepaid phones. We are so evil, we all deserve a fiery death. What next?
If you asked them was anyone in your family hungry at any free even a single day during the last year the overwhelming majority -- say no.

They have access to medical here.
That is not true. Americans who can afford to, go to Cuba, Canada, Uk, and enjoy waiting weeks or months for routine surgery, knowing they will get some health care compared to the non existent health care in USA. Those who can not afford a Cuban doctor, simply are turned away from Emergency Rooms and left to die on the street. Every 7 seconds, a poor american changes the channel from the News and turns on Dancing with the Stars, then curses the rich people they worship so much. And they are all racist (if they are white.)
They have no hardship what so ever.

There's a complete disconnect between the way the government defines poverty and the way the American people think about it and the way the media presents it.

Why does this matter when we shift this definition how does this affect the average American especially as we're having -- if fiscal cliff discussions in Washington right figuring out who's getting tax breaks cutting loopholes and so forth.

that is that we spend close to a trillion dollars a year on assistance to the poor cash food housing medical care that does not include Social Security.

And Medicare.

That's been about 9000 dollars for each recipient.

-- 400 million people receive this aid it's a huge amount of spending and it's ridiculous to pretend that we can spend all that money.

And still have kids they don't have food to eat all over the country.

This is really an advertising tool the poverty measure an advertising tool for expanding the welfare state and for spreading the wealth by pretending that there's a massive amount of hardship that really doesn't occur anymore in our society.


http://video.foxnews.com/v/200158312...or-in-america/
The Heritage Foundation is a known racist mouthpiece for those conservatives. Those lying occupiers must live in bubbles because I can't remember the last time I went outside and forgot for a second I wasn't in Haiti, that is how racist it is here.

Imagine, that these devil slave masters can even suggest we do not have hardship. Our hardship is pimping, and makes Bangalore, Calcutta, Mexico City, Jarkarta, Lagos, and other so called 'shanty towns', look like a real shit hole. Those mothers don't know what real American hardship is.

The only way out is socialism. Anarchy, then socialism; Socialism will remove the drive to make money by making it illegal to make a profit, own property, thus eliminating the needless drive to work harder to acheive more, how archaic, racist, and unfair. The only way forward is to make everyone work harder because who wants to be shot in a mass grave, or FEMA camp? Anyway, no need to work harder when you can't move up, where is there to move when everything is 'equal?' That's crazy! Why would anyone even object to such paradise?

Should the best and brightest be able to afford the best of what is available for those who can afford it? No, they are stingy, they don't pay their fair share, they probably inherited their money, or stole it all from you.

The only way forward is gun control, and then tax the rich until they are not rich; then kill them off since they are just occupiers and Zionists.

Socialism will make everything shitty for everyone...therefore equal....from healthcare, to education, to
transportation, to housing, right down to the food supply. Paradise, I am dreaming about you.
Day one of sobriety. Technically, it's been over 24 hours now without a toke but margin of error and all that. Reading the article about cannabis damping motivation really hit hard for me because it was something I've been pondering a lot lately. Sometimes it feels like I'm not really getting anywhere and as much as I tried breaking through the rut without giving up the ol mary jane, I'd still end up using it as a crutch to deal with stress and would just wind up being more stressed out as a result. The whole thing snowballed into a vicious cycle and I want out.

I hope that by tonight I'll be over the physical withdrawal. Last night was a turbulent sleep, and by morning I had the uncomfortable sensation of my brain being dog tired and wanting sleep but my body being restless and needing to jump out of bed.

The sober life seems like such a distant memory for me. For the past decade, if I wasn't toking then I was drinking, and I've abused both of those enough plus short stints with the white n brown. Lately, since I've gotten deep into the herb addiction, I've alienated almost everyone close to me. Even though I've managed miraculously to keep it a secret from some, it still didn't mitigate the negative impact on my relations with people.

I really hope this time I can get ahead in life, I'm sinking under the pressure of my mounting responsibilities and can't afford to lose hours a day in medicated bliss. Sure would be nice, but I'm marking this date so I have something to look back on in case I do weather the storm and emerge an improved version of me.
I guess i'm doing well by using 1mg suboxone 4 times a week right now instead of heroin. But then I think why the fuck am I getting myself addicted to this shit? If i'm going to be addicted to something might as well make it heroin or oxy instead right? Anyway, i've had no car for awhile and work has dried up so money is low. Which means getting heroin/oxy is a bitch right now and really only a possibility once a week if that. Not a bad thing but did I mention that I do not like being on suboxone. I really want to get some sober time in soon.
unglued has a girlfriend. i was rather pissed when i found out. no logical reason why, i already knew the two of them were hooking up for months. and he told me, it isn't like i found out thru a friend or facebook or anything*

*i would actually prefer some separation in this matter but BLers (or mostly former BLers) are a weird insular bunch at times. it is strange having multiple websites where you interact with the same group of people. not to mention real life contact too.

i am slightly amused about how unglued's girlfriend's ex found out about them. a bit of schadenfreude showing the two of them why sneaking around doesn't work. which is prolly why unglued decided to just tell me what was going on as opposed to me finding out thru the ex.

i decided to join a dating website and been on a few dates. i forgot how weird it is to get to know someone by making small talk and such. but it is fun and i am meeting people who work in different divisions at microsoft. i think it is a rule that any person of the age of 30 must either work at microsoft/amazon/google or be in a relationship with someone who does. because i have yet to meet anyone who isn't associated with one of those companies.
Right now, living in the middle of summer, and seeing a lot of beautiful people with minimal clothing: I've been really craving for a girlfriend.

Never had one, I guess girls don't like me that much. Sometimes I try talking with them, but they don't seem to be interested me in the slightest.
so in a lot of ways things are really looking up but I am also unsure about some other things in my life

The Positive.... I graduated college cum laude
I have a wonderful baby boy who I absolutely love
I cleaned up... I am no longer addicted or dependent on any substances
even ones that were prescribed to me

The Negative... I am not really sure what to do with my college degree
I am frustrated that I cant totally support myself financially and that my
parents do need to help me out... I feel like its a bit of a mark of shame
for my mom especially since I have a baby
I am not that that happy with my baby's father... we are still together
but I have a nagging feeling I could have done much better (at least
genetically speaking however I don't think he is a bad sperm donor ...
he is not relatively intelligent, athletic, and attractive (no he is not an
Abercrombie and Fitch model or an Olympic athlete or a scientist but
still....)) I am ashamed of his drinking though

My Plans.... Take the GRE this fall and hopefully get into a decent grad school with scholarships and grants......
I honestly don't know whether or not I will stay with Jesse's dad yet

Despite all of the negatives I am still at a much better place in my life than I think I have ever really been........ Hopefully things continue to get better
I'm so frustrated and down right now I don't even know what to do with myself. I was just getting started studying for 3 huge electrical theory tests I have back-to-back kicking off in twelve hours from now, and my mom calls saying my dad is back in the hospital and shit is looking serious. His beatbox just don't work right no more and docs already had a few looks inside it in the past but now it's too risky to do anything. It makes me livid that he gave so much heart early in his life before I knew him, and now it's his heart that's failing him.

So now I'm sitting here staring at pages of numbers and heiroglyphs and they're making less sense by the moment because my mind has locked itself in the attic of my brain and started to stare blankly out the proverbial window at the rain. It's raining blood and I want nothing more than to drink and smoke myself into a coma but I can't.

I knew my dad's time was limited less than a year ago when he was in the hospital last. Now I can start to see the spool through the thread that is his life wrapped around it. My mom's sanity and health has to be my biggest concern now, but I know I can't be depended to look after her. She's been strong for so long, looking after my dad the way she has for, well, ever since they've been married pretty much.

She's kept the family together even though it's been drifting apart. All we are now is phone calls, love-yas and Saturday night dinners together where we attempt to catch up even though none of us has much left to say. Pretty soon, the tenuous threads that bind us will start to unravel. The stoic masque my mom upheld for all these years will crack and shatter like glass under too much stress. I will have to be strong for her even though I can't cop to being man enough to be strong enough for myself or anyone else I've ever had in my life.

She and I will be the only ones left of our kin on this side of the world. I've told her in the past she has to think about moving back to Europe to be with family. I just want her happiness, but she doesn't want to let me go. She is stubborn to a fault. So is my dad...

So am I.
I'm seeing all these threads getting bumped about people roughly my age and their failed attempts to get laid. It's hilarious because my roommate, a 35 y.o. who drinks copious amounts of alcohol daily and is normally quite a loner has begun getting nookie for the first time since I've known him.

I was woken up from my nap last night by my bed being shaken across the room by the sound of the NIN CD he was blasting to try and drown out the sex noise. So of course I got up, cracked my neck, brewed a cup of joe and started raging about this ruckus to friends over IM.

That was just catharsis, and once I calmed the fuck down and had my coffee I couldn't help but feel awkward to be sitting alone in my room while people not ten feet away were getting it on. If the situation was reversed, I know I'd certainly be feeling awkward trying to keep blood in my penis knowing my roomie would be trying to find ways to simultaneously ignore me and entertain himself on the other side of the wall.

What's fucking with me is that somewhere in my head a small, small part of me was nagging at me saying "now YOU need to find a girl to fuck to reinforce that you have more value than your roommate!" So of course I suddenly found myself motivated to scheme about the fastest way to get someone of the opposite sex into my bed.

Now, a day later, I can confidently say I got nothin. I mean, it's been years since I actually last met a girl who not only met (and exceeded) my standards for brains and beauty but was even, *gasp*, unattached at the time! Of course, I fucked that situation up royally and it goes down as my single greatest regret in life -- and I don't have many of those. Now here I am years later in the big city surrounded by gorgeous females and smart females but I seem to always be missing the ones who are both smart and gorgeous. Instead I am the friendly guy who somehow manages to befriend all the girls I think are cool as fuck but have absolutely no physical attraction to, then end up alienating them because they mistook my friendliness for romantic interest and I guess I'm too much of a pussy to just tell them outright that I will never sleep with them and kill the friendship altogether.

Because that's how it goes, because as L O V E L I F E once said, there is no such thing as a guy and a girl being just friends, and I was the only one stupid enough to think there could be a loophole to that law of nature. And thus, my manifold ramble draws to a single, solitary dot at the end of a sentence. And here it comes.
Gets worse every fucking time! Even if I try to chip on heroin it turns into a binge eventually then i'm sick for a few days...finally some relief and then I cop again 8(. Rinse, repeat this vicious cycle. I don't even know how I still have a job since i'm either high or sick most of the time at work.

Kratom is a life-saver sometimes but man there's just nothing like that heroin nod...it haunts me everyday even in my dreams. I need to quit but I don't want to quit. It's a living fucking nightmare. I love her yet I hate her and it ain't even a chick this time. Heroin :!....ughhh! A Gift and mostly a curse. Why can't we all just have an unlimited amount of heroin for free in our lives? It would make life so much easier and better in everyway imaginable. Instead, we gotta dodge cops in the hood to get our fix, it ain't right I tell you.

Oh yeah and FUCK withdrawal! Someone needs to create an opiate that doesn't include such a horrible withdrawal. Come on you scientists/pharmacalogist "genius'" make a drug that can take away the pain and not induce even worse pain in the long run.

/end rant
I should be studying right now. I have a very important test in a couple hours. Instead im sitting here reminiscing about the past. Sometimes the past seems really blurry like it was a dream. I remember fragments, like conversations while waiting for the man, I remember the heat in the summer, I remember alot of waiting alot of parking lots side roads and sketchy neigborhoods. I remember the people, my friends, my enemies, my junkies. I think about the ones who didnt make it out. The ones who would kill for the oppertunity to come to college have a girlfriend play intermural basketball with my friends. Why am I not happy? I seem to have recovered everything I lost and then some.

This life just doesnt feel right to me. I wake up everyday thinking what am I doing here? Am I really a junior in college? How did I make it this far? I think about the summer, that summer I spent living needle to vien. My only worry was whether the dope man would pick up his phone. Dont get me wrong I know there is no going back I have tried. God have I tried!! It just wasnt the same.

Im scared about the future. My nerves are rubbed raw being in recovery is like being on a diet. You know you cant have any chocolate cake but that doesnt mean you dont wake up craving a bite just a little taste to remind you what your fighting for. So here I am living a lie I guess the more things change the more they stay the same.
So I have been really down the past couple of weeks, which is really bad because I am not working as I hard as I should and I am in sales. Not selling shit when I am supposed to really hurts my job performance. I still haven't used any illegal drugs, just my "medication." This is the longest I have gone without being institutionalized without using any illegal drugs since I started partying too much.

I miss how my life was with my wife. It seems like she is no longer in love with me and it has been really hard that I am no longer living with her. (I am working in another state but that wouldn't matter since her family hates my guts and she is being influenced very heavily from them to throw me to the curve. It's all fucked up basically.) she is basically the only thing that matters to me and I know that is not healthy to a recovering heroin addict. I am walking on very thin ice here and all I can do is think about how badly I want her but can't have her so what's the point of trying to be clean because all it does is let me feel the pain I am having.
This was hands down the best day in my entire life.... it was the day my beautiful baby was born

He is 11 weeks old now and doing awesome. I love him more than I have ever loved anything or anyone.

My labor only lasted 4 hours. My water broke in the afternoon and I checked into the hospital around 5pm.. I started labor around 6 30 pm and Jesse was born at 10 48 pm
If anything, the following amounts to no more than a rant. No, not a rant...there's no anger in this, just...I don't know. I'm not good at putting my thoughts into words (enter irony). Anyways, I'm guessing my muse for this...writing is the current state of events according to facebook. I hate to admit, as of late I've become quite apathetic to current events, especially those of a political nature. Seeing as I was quite attuned to said events in the past, it's been a marked change in me...embodying what I once professed never to be, a "sheep" if you will. But I digress.

Pretty much, facebook is now my "news" source, since I don't watch the news on television, or read the paper, or even partake in perusing their cybernetic counterparts. I blame this on laziness: being informed takes work. That being said, this "note" isn't backed by research, or even fact. This note is endorsed by pure opinion. Not the opinion of an expert, but by me, so take that as you will.

It seems that equality is at the forefront of many people's statuses as of late. Paula Deen and the D.O.M.A. thing come to mind. In fact, they're precisely my inspiration for this. I omit the Martin case because I know nothing about it other than it's very racially charged.

I'll start with the D.O.M.A. case. It's a small step in the right direction. I'll never understand why some people are against gay marriage. It's not my cup of tea, but I can't allow my preferences to preclude others from the pursuit of happiness. Sound vaguely familiar? It should. This, again, is solely my opinion, but if two (or more, but we'll leave that debate for another time) consenting adults aren't harming anyone, who am I to stop them? What makes me better than them? What makes me think I know what's best for them more than they do?

Perhaps I'm biased. I'm not religious, so there's no dogma reverberating in the back of my mind. I won't get into religion, since I respect everyone's decision to believe as they see fit, and I'm not about to proselytize. All I'm saying is, I wish that church and state would truly be segregated. The pilgrims voyaged to North America in the hopes of escaping religious oppression at the hands of their government. The founding fathers envisioned a nation with freedom of religion. To me, it's hypocritical to deny a segment of the populace certain rights based on the religious beliefs of some. Albeit, these religious beliefs are shared by the majority of our nation, but all one has to do is abstain from acquiring a gay marriage.

The sanctity of marriage is always brought up. If your marriage is really threatened by the marriage of others-strangers-then maybe your marriage is the one that isn't sanctioned. It's on shaky foundation at best, a load of bull at worst. It's hard to face facts sometimes, but it must be done in order to grow.

My acceptance of others' right to be gay and get married is one of pure logic. I'm not one swayed by peer pressure. Just because others get a gay marriage doesn't mean I want one. Heck, I don't even want a straight marriage! But, if people want to restrict themselves, then by all means go for it.I'm coming from a libertarian point-of-view. I simply believe that if someone, an adult with their mental faculties intact, wants to do something, and no third parties will be harmed, let them! I will refrain from discussing my more...taboo opinions on other topics, since I don't want to get too derailed from the original premise for this writing, but those of you brave and open-minded enough are free to pick my brain anytime through messaging or even in person.

Before I forget, I'll quickly discuss the Paula Deen debacle. From what I understand-correct me if I'm wrong-she said a certain word that's extremely offensive. To me, words are powerless. I see no difference between saying the "f" word and "chair," for example. Actions are the true hallmark of a person's character. I'm the kind of person that observes others, I don't really listen. Anyone can say anything, but if they follow through, that's rare. That's what matters to me. Call me a skeptic.

So Deen said something. It was a long time ago. She could've denied it like so many of us do. Many people have said that particular word before, in various contexts and timeframes. She was brave enough to admit her folly(ies). It's hard to face facts sometimes, but it must be done in order to grow.

Doubtlessly, she'll be given redemption on some other television network. Martha Stewart was, and she (to my knowledge) never showed remorse for her actions. Deen has apologized profusely for her words. Think about that.

I'll get off my soapbox, but not before reiterating that my waxing philosophic is purely my opinion. I've done no extensive research. I arrive at my opinions through logic, not emotions, so yes, they're a bit cold. So, if y'all could completely rip me to shreds or laud my efforts-entertain me if you will-I'd appreciate it.
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