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I started a new job today

This isn't my actual job
It's a word-of-mouth-bit-on-the-side-cash-in-hand job
Nosleazy either
Bonus

There's a fantastic I-wish-I could-type-it-but-I-can-only-tell-real-life-people literary famous person connection to this job which made it even more attractive to me (didn't over-ride the financial attraction though, it has to be said)

Having only met the employer once several weeks ago & agreed the cost of my services, I arrived this morning to an awkward start & no real direction to what was wanted from me

I cracked on regardless, fast realising that the job I was doing had mainly already been done & feeling a little bewildered by why I was being paid to do something that didn't really need doing

Twenty minutes before the end of the allotted time, I'm floundering a little & the employer asks if I will stay & chat when I've finished 'if you have time' & when I admit that I've kinda run out of things to do & I've never done a job like this that's already been mostly done, she says that's fine & beckons me to sit down at the table with her & presents me with 20% more than I'd asked for, for less time working than I'd done
I protest & we to-and-fro twice before I *ker-ching* accept reluctantly

We chat about families & she quizzes me about my work history & I over-egg the information pudding
She asks if I would like a glass of wine
I say I'd love to (without emphasising how fucking much I'd love to) but I can't because I'm driving (and I want to go & score with this money you've just given me goddammit)
She says I could leave the car outside & pick it up tomorrow
I say why I can't do that
She says, 'well I'm going to have one anyway. Do you mind?'
I don't mind at all
She says 'won't you just have a little one?'
I agree and she says she only has red
I tell her I only like red
She pours me a thankfully drive-friendly thimble full of red wine
I sip & chat
Sip & chat

I'm trying not to be obvious about looking at the time on my wrist, even though I'm enjoying chatting & loving the bizarreness of this whole situation, I only have a small window of time-opportunity and wonder as we're talking about family, have you paid me 20% extra because you're going to make me stay 20% longer talking to you?

Maybe you're just like my Granny
She was never satisfied

I leave 5 minutes after the allotted time (I discover when I get in the car - I couldn't flick the time on my wrist discreetly enough) & as I walk down her path, she calls out after me 'I'm so glad you like red wine'

glad 2 see you, bluelight!%)

First time writing a blog, well good luck to me, haha!

------

Black Forest, Germany, about 2 year and a half ago, I have woke up and my house was burning. Quickly got into the attic, luckily and looked for my equipment ( weapons, binocular, flashlight, differents kinds of supplies, clothes, gloves, tent, backpack, etc) my eyes were running, I couldn't be able to walk through the front/back door and so proceed to jump right through the window. Tried to announce the marshal, but then in my head I have thought.. why? even if they extinguish is the same situation. Didn't have too much food at me, only some sandwiches and few slice of meat, eated and waited for the night to falloff. Wanted to hunt something and thought about a deer or a bear, couldn't see anything and so I have climbed into the tree, about 2 mile away saw one bear, hoping not to vanish , runned fast, grabbed my CZ - 750 and shot him right into the head. Sliced his meat off, set-up a little campfire, cooked something of it but not entierly because it started raining. Since I know the woods, basically my soul was born with it along, knew that 5 miles away there was a little cave, walked and saw a pack of wolfs, I remember that even though I saw prints and traces, there wasn't another road to it, heard them howling and they were with the alpha and the elder of the tribe, a big black whitsh splashed mane, didn't want to shot them but one of them saw me, even then I didn't want to kill him because I have the wolf spirit inside. He surrounded me and thought not to make a move and do what my souls says, don't know why but he didn't kill me, meanwhile the rest of the pack arrived and the alpha came and smell me and my stuffs, after that the older one came, since i'm a hunter I know what animal language signs and means are, he wanted to put me on knees and bend my head, he howled into my ear, grabbed my talisman, he was licking it and knew that he wanted me to put a leash on him. It felt like a ritual and that night I have spent around them... they didn't treat me like a stranger but only showing me curses and blessings, spent about 2 weeks along them and then decided to became a nomad, it was the right decision to me since I love freedom and traveling and this lifestyle was and still is perfect to me. You hear stories from different peoples around the country, seeing fun gifted experiencies that even if you got there before, they will be different. Meeting strange beautiful shape and faces, can't be explained, you have to live it. It's just something that you will not get bored.

cuz I am bored as fuck. This has been a long year. All I can say is fuck, I am glad to be myself again. I think PAWS really fucked me up along with some other shit. Fuck dem opiates....I mean I did some wacked out fucking shit...wtf.
I had some really good people help me...makes me feel all warm and shit.
Norman, you are my favorite Israeli .....who the fuck is Elliot Roger? You know you are gonna be okay man. Juan Carlos will not have to assassinate you. You got this. I love you man. You will find yourself a cute Azn gf, I promise.
Moogie...man, stop buying those internet domains. I am still waiting on my richasf email account. You are truly "magic man". Dio is god, yes. And I think he was talking about his donger in that song. Glad you are sober. I can talk about anything with you. My fam will come to Georgia and stay I promise.
Bri....my sweet dear Bri. Daughter of the WASP legacy, lol. Too bad it isn't Blackie tho....we will get together for that weekend in Vegas oh yes.
Baseline....Philly ain't far, get you ass over here
Hayla, same...Delaware, really? We can talk about any thing, juggalo love lol
Trad, you shook me out of it when I was being a fool. I thank you. But I think you are stalking my nursing articles a bit too much and my twitter and facebook. Just saying.
Well ......you guys helped me find out what was broken and help put me together and for that I thank you. Now we have to help the rest. Love to you all

So.....I've been disappointed at the lack of new blog posts lately & hoping my favourite blogger to read, ShardHunter is ok in her absence

The occasional diaries I've kept in my life have been the funniest reads after the tragedy & desperation have passed & maybe I should blogtry instead of expecting other people to?

My life is mainly routine & expectation, high-functioning addiction with a tinge of Ocd which is probably the saving of me

So
the only thing out of the ordinary today was when I wouldn't let my kid go on the computer after school until he'd gone out to play for half an hour, loving that although I'm happy to let him go on the computer if he's played out for half hour, there's every likelihood that the adventure he's having whilst out will take precedence over the computer obsession & he'll ask for another half hour
and maybe another

He sets his watch alarm
I set my phone timer
Thirty minutes

My friend rings & we are chatting
Only half-way through the allotted time, the front door bursts open & my panting wild-eyed child confronts me in the kitchen, asking desperately 'Have we got any raw meat?'

'Raw meat? What for?'

'There's a bird with an injured wing & we're looking after it & Carry says it needs raw meat'

I go into over-detailed questioning about the type of bird whilst feeling slightly resentful that the vegetarian mother of his friends has sent him to me with the expectation of raw meat for fucks sake & I don't actually believe that raw meat is the injured bird food of choice

I send him away again with no raw meat & a flea in his ear & tell him that I have no raw meat, having remembered the reduced-price sausages defrosting for his dinner, but no the crow (I have found out the type of bird) is definitely NOT having any sausages as they're still a bit frozen AND you can't feed processed meat to a bird, why can't you just dig up some worms?
'We couldn't find any'

Apologise to friend on the phone for the interruption to our conversation & laugh at the irony of me telling my kid he can't give a bird the processed meat that I'll give him

Alarm goes off

Child comes back, more wild-eyed than before, asking as if his life depends on it to borrow five pounds so they can buy the bird some mince & that Carry will pay it back.

I say I've got no money (true) & remind him that he has ten pounds in his wallet. After finally accepting that I'm not giving him any money to buy minced beef from the shop for the crow & unwilling to dip into his own wallet, asks for another half hour, granted

By this time I have googled what crows eat & yeh raw meat is up there, but also wholegrain bread and wholegrain pasta (cooked or uncooked so the internet says) I am ready with this internet information on the boy's return and he is desperate to return to the crow for another half hour even though this is the last half hour he can stay out & he won't be able to go on the computer if he stays out
He happily agrees and races off with a little pot of uncooked wholewheat pasta I give him

Thirty five minutes later he returns with the pasta ('Carry says it has to be cooked') and reports that their crow ate some wholegrain bread, they found another injured crow (what are the chances?) and that they've made a bed for them and that they're 'snuggling up' together & they've named them

I don't think it'll end well, but an hour and a half of fresh air & bird tending is infinitely more enriching than an hour of Roblox in my opinion

Not going to be able to stick around.

A discrepancy in the Force says I should go.

Be the champion of your own lives for the sake of others. Don't just live for your own pleasure. This is what I have realized will bring true freedom.

In the end it is what we do for others that matters. That is not to say one neglects themself in order to do so though.

That being said I feel reaching out on forums (not just here) is not the right path for me. The anonymity thing makes real connections nearly impossible or rather I just seek connection offline. This is a digital age however so I don't criticize people who do otherwise.

Peace, Love, Unity,

MH (Trev)

So today has started off being one of those days. Where I am in my head a lot. I know it's just me and the way I interpret others. It's something that I am letting take power over my mind.
I am in a position to really only help myself, and I'm not trying to sound selfish here, but when it comes to me and my sobriety then I must only worry about ME.
When I start letting my feelings control my thoughts that's when I know I am starting to slip.
I just cant let the small stuff interfere with MY program.

Talking about it here and now is helping me get it out in the open some.
-Drew

Hey guys.

Who doesn't want to restore lost energy and have an optimum level of Jing? Unbelievers or people who don't value life and energy that is who. A Mantak Chia interview below may convert ye. Anyways stuff like Rhodiola, Shilajit, or Ashwaganda don't hold a candle to He Shou Wu (Fo-Ti) in my eyes and experience.

Just a warning about it if you do go through with trying it,

Please note: He Shou Wu is classed as a SUPERIOR TONIC HERB in the Chinese system. These tonic herbs are not to be taken when you have an infection. (Even though they will help prevent you from getting infections) If you should get a flu or other infection, stop taking them temporarily until the infection is gone before starting back on He Shou Wu or any tonic herbs. Tonic herbs are good when recuperating from an illness but never during a fever.

Essence (Jing)
Essence (a Yin characteristic) is that aspect of the body that is the basis for all growth, development, and sexuality. Congenital Essence is that part of the body's Essence that is inherited from one's parents. After birth this Essence, which is akin to an inborn constitution (DNA), determines each of our growth patterns. Congenital Essence can never be replaced if lost, but can be supplemented by acquired Essence, which is derived from food and herbs. Many of the best tonic herbs for healthy aging support the essence. It is important to maintain abundant qi through proper diet, breathing exercises and meditation, and tonic herbs so that you do not consume essence. Proper lifestyle habits, such as proper, sound sleep at night also help to preserve essence.

Essence is Yin in nature, and is the primary substance responsible for growth and development, metabolism, and plays a role in daily activity especially when Qi is depleted. Essence can be regarded as substantial Yin, and spirit, or Shen, as the counterpart Yang.

Kidney Essence
Kidney Essence produces marrow, which then produces bone marrow and then fills the spine, bone marrow and spinal cord. This is why Kidney tonics are so important in the full recovery of back injuries. Kidney Essence rules over growth, reproduction, and development, and Kidney deficiencies can manifest as improper growth and maturation, sexual dysfunction, ED impotence, infertility, premature aging and birth defects.

Look He Shou Wu has a ton of information out there. The longer the description about it on a source's page the higher quality it most likely is. It is also often used in formulas but I am not getting into that here just trying to spark vitality ideas for you my friends.



Like Westerners are so goofy when it comes to Qi (they call it Chi) and think Mantak is like the only information authority on the subject. He knows his stuff however.

I am not devoting this blog to only tonic herbs and qigong so the next two posts will complete this discussion on them. Be back for next one next week.

CHOO CHOO WADDUP MAH HOMIES (had to refrain from a using a slang term there for courtesies sake)

Once a week sounds like the right amount for a blog so let me get back on track here with that.

Abstract Rude Jedi Mind Flow style now but I still want to get in all the badass tonic herbs of Chinese herbalism (kicks Indian herbs in the butt in my eyes not to even mention "Western" herbs...) as well as some more qigong.

Music contemplation will follow in the comments.





As a society, we've become suspicious of such acts. Out of ignorance or laziness or timidity, we've turned the Luddites into caricatures, emblems of backwardness. We assume that anyone who rejects a new tool in favor of an older one is guilty of nostalgia, of making choices sentimentally rather than rationally. But the real sentimental fallacy is the assumption that the new thing is always better suited to our purposes and intentions than the old thing. That's the view of a child, naive and pliable. What makes one tool superior to another has nothing to do with how new it is. What matters is how it enlarges us or diminishes us, how it shapes our experience of nature and culture and one another. To cede choices about the texture of our daily lives to a grand abstraction called progress is folly.
- Nicholas Carr, The Glass Cage: How Our Computers Are Changing Us

I recommend his book The Shallows actually if you must read one.

The Grand Ultimate Source is beyond all notions of separateness. (I do not aim to attempt to define reality I just speak in terms of universal Oneness we can all relate to or at least make the attempt).

While I have been using a Star Wars analogy there is philosophical reasoning behind doing so.

I want you to know I love everyone before I proceed further with this thing.

Have you read The Tibetan Book of the Dead yet which inspired Timothy Leary in much of his work?



I encourage you to skip Leary's work and go to the source material for yourself.

Peace, Love, & Unity,

Meister Herbal (MH from now on for double anonymity purposes)

I have had a psytrance relapse. No drugs involved. Just nostalgia and wonder and endorphins.

Who doesn't want to feel well enough in mind & body that they don't have to rely on synthetic compounds to make them feel content just being?

Now I am not saying whether I only advocate the use of plants but for me these days I only value the use of plants to find wellness.

With that said some plants can actually pull energy out of you even if they serve as medicinal in any kind of way. Needless to say synthetic chemicals cannot build one's energy holistically as there will always be some kind of energy draining due to them not being a creation of Mother Earth but rather man's intellect. I am talking about building up the Three Treasures according to Traditional Chinese Medicine, translate how you want if you are drawn to Ayruveda however my focus will be on Chinese herbalism and energy harnessing practices.

While I cannot encourage one to use psychoactive entheogenic psychedelic type plants due to a spiritual path I am walking I can talk about them and share parts of articles and videos in future posts.

Call me Meister Herbal if you like.

Ok so actually He Shou Wu and Ba Duan Jin (8 Silken Brocades, a qigong set) will be merely introduced in today's entry and I will go into further detail about them including how they play a role in my daily life tomorrow.

For anyone reading this who still wants to after making it past the first two entries, please know I wish to show you my experience finding wellness so you can as well if you seek it and perhaps avoid pitfalls in your journey exploring altered states if you are on such a journey already. Wellness is a superb base to continue such a journey even more lucidly too.



I memorized that video actually before adding enough repetitions to each movement to perform 10 of each.

It was created by Bodhidharma over a thousand years ago. If you aren't into yoga (I was years ago not anymore however this can be seen as a Chinese "yoga" whereas Yoga is strictly Indian with Hindu spiritual roots) it is the only other energy practice in the world that can rival the energetic benefits. We are talking energy of the universe not man-made.

I feel like I am messing up in my life if that doesn't get practiced daily today that is how much I value it. No one else on YouTube actually explains the theory behind the movements like Mimi does however I don't know her nor am I promoting her so I will be sharing videos from other qigong practitioners too.

Short intro to He Shou Wu:

He Shou Wu is unsurpassed in its ability to provide deep, primordial energy (Jing, essence) to the cells of the body via the Kidney system as described in Chinese health philosophy. He Shou Wu supports the human body's functional reserve.

He Shou Wu is widely used in Chinese tonic herbalism as a tonic to promote healthy aging by tonifying the Kidney and Liver functions, toning up Jing (vital essence), nourishing the blood, and fortifying the muscles, tendons and bones.

Essentially no other herb can build Jing in the manner this one does.

Unfortunately I cannot share sources as that would appear to be marketing however use discernment and you will see what the best available is or hopefully you can find the discernment too if it appeals to you.

It is said to also support dopamine and I just could not feel ok without it not taking something else to make me feel "full" and satiated inside. The real benefits take months of using daily. Being a tonic herb it can be taken for life.

It appears my life is throwing me curve balls. Tests if you will. Karma coming to collect in a forceful manner, literally.

I am clean. I am resolute.

I have a purpose to fulfill and see the light.

Life can toss a brick in my face however I know I shall remain free so long as I am true to my purpose.

I may need to blog daily for the next week or so.

I seek to obey the laws and rules of communities and the nation I inhabit. What is there to fear if one has nothing to hide? My fear comes from past mistakes that is all.

I feel at home in cyberspace these days. No longer wandering nor confused. Not at all lost.

Sorry if I started to ramble there. I will devote my next post to discussing the 8 Brocades (Ba Duan Jin) and a tonic herb called He Shou Wu.

I suppose one herb per blog post for now as I want to inspire all to nourish their life-force in the most authentic and wholesome way possible if they are not already and would like to explore the Three Treasures together.

Qi, Jing, and Shen in Chinese Medicine

Jing, or Essence, is the source of life and is the most dense of the Three Treasures

Qi gives us the ability to activate and move our bodies and it the most refined Treasure

Shen is the most subtle of the Three Treasures and is the vitality behind Jing and Qi

On the lam type blog posting hope to settle into a desktop one day in the future here.

Goa haunting may not ever occur again:



8)

I have realized if I do not go forth bravely to forge my destiny for the better, the darkness will pull me under and swallow me whole so to speak.

I do not condone drug abuse in any form.

I do not criticize others for their choices however I feel I should state a few things before continuing with these blog posts.

I have abused the shit out of all kinds of things from drugs to plants (it is possible to use plants irresponsibly believe it or not) and have simply arrived at the conclusion that there is a fine line between recreational use and abuse and I have to avoid recreational use as I cannot use without crossing it.

I am here to recover really. I feel after using this forum and participating while actively abusing stuff I should participate while keeping clean for at least the same amount of time I was abusing.

With that I will draw on inspiration from figures who have expanded their minds as I have to relate how some compounds simply do not have much abuse potential and provide effects that are being seen as medicinal even.

"Generalities are intellectually necessary evils."
- Aldous Huxley, Brave New World



Qigong and herbalism will be the topics of my blog posts for a while until some hurdles are leaped over here offline.

DRESDEN <--an incarnation of Shiva "The Holy Ghost" Apollos.



COOLIO

-Christopher Ferell, an incarnation of Lucifer
-Lucifer, a nimrod, is not the same as Satan/Yama, a manifestation of Vishnu. It means 'bringer or conferee of light.'
-pioneered the SUBWAY restaurant franchise
-I first met him in 1998 at MARR ATL in the summer of the nuclear LEFT BEHIND rave.

It's A Twisted World 1998 (house music album/cd)



CHIP



KARLA / CARLA

And Baby I Don't Care Where You've Been Before. Just Put Em High. Put Em High. Make The Best Of It Just A Little Bit. And Put Em High. Put Em High. Super. Super. Laser Beam. Take Me Into The Limousine. Draw Me Into The Disco Scene. Looking Cool Like A Fashion Queen. Shining Bright Like a Laser Beam. Fast Driving. Super Styling. Profiling. Super. Super. This Bass Is Low. This Beat Is Sick. I Wanna Take A Ride On Your Disco Stick. My Q-Stick You Cannot Lick

I alone don't care.--Lao Tzu (another incarnation of Shiva)

FENRIR<--an incarnation of Vishnu.

"Very hard on cats."--PiHKAL.



NAOMI HABERSHAM WILLIAMSII
-bovine
-See Also, sodium methoxide aka NaOMe, a powerful and useful chemical.



HOWARD (HUGHES, STERN, HUDSON)

I *love* listening to Howard Stern.

* * *

Peace, nigga!!!

SAINT MARY, Mother Of God.



CHARLOTTE

-city in NC
-Charlotte's Web (book)

O What A Tangled Web We Weave When We First Practice To Deceive!--Grandma Emily's favorite line of poetry.



JOHN KATES (isoketamine)



FAUSTULUS

-The Good Shepard (an incarnation of Brahma) in the story of Romulus (an incarnation of Shiva) & Remus, co-founding brothers of the city of Rome. (see YouTube video)

Have I ever mentioned that men become gay wherever I go, like Eros? Um, yeah. And, like Cupid, I am a matchmaker. However, I have not had any sexual relations--disregarding the occasional Onanism--since well before July 19, 2017, my clean date. You see, because you're mine, I walk the line.

Talk with you is senseless. Perhaps, for instance, I give this faggot a French kiss?--BIGGIE.

Fags Just Wanna Have Fun!

THYME AFTER THYME

Ask Cyndi Lauper.

WAYNE



LIL WAYNE



CHRISTA



GARTH VADER

* * *

TRANSYLVANIA



AMERICA

Home Of The Free, Land Of The Braves



PAKISTAN



BRITAIN

United JUNGLE Kingdom (cd)

ADAM (10)



STEVE (23)

Not to be confused with



STEPHEN (35)
-now 'Brett' (17)

ROBBY



DARREN
(may need to be turned into a 3C)



CARLITO



JUAN

A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, D =4, E = 5, F =8, G = 8, H = 5, I = 1, J = 1, K = 2, L = 3, M = 4, N = 5, O = 7, P = 8, Q = 1, R = 2, S =3, T = 4, U =6, V = 6, W =6, X = 5, Y = 1, Z =5.

So, for instance: ROBBY, 2 + 7 + 2 + 2 + 1 = 14 = 5
DARREN, 4 + 1 + 2 + 2 + 5 + 5 = 19 = 1
CARLITO, 3 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 4 + 7 = 21 = 3
JUAN, 1 + 6 + 1 + 5 = 13 = 4

Ain't Nuttin' But One To The Two And Three, and One One One

MATT --> Alpha-Methyl-Tryptamine.



MATTHEW



KEVIN



PABLO

This particular series is not particularly safe but not particularly dangerous either except in frank overdose situations, in which case they can be deadly.

"In September of 1999, A Great And Powerful King Will Fall From The Sky."

Go Ask Alice.

For Every Generation, There's A GAP.

Every time that I STARE INTO THE SUN, Angel Dust in my dress just comes undone.
And every time that I SELL MYSELF TO YOU, I feel a little bit *cheaper* than I need to.

America, when will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes?
When can I go to the grocery store and buy what I need with my own good looks?

All my friends are embryonic. All my friends are dead and gone. All my friends are microscopic. All my friends wake up alone.