While going through some old word document's a found one of my assignments I had to do while I was in rehab. It was a relapse scenario where we write about the most likely way we would relapse. It's long, but I'd figured I'd post it, what the hell.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up for the first time feeling a little better than before. Still felt like shit, but not as bad as yesterday. I found an old rig stashed in the weight room the other night. I'm sure I had a dozen more I had forgot about in the basement somewhere, my phone goes off. I read the text, and it's one of my friends asking if I want to go to go out to the movies tonight. Let's just call her Mama's, just because it fits the story a little better. I'd been in rehab for about the past two months. Meaning I hadn't been downtown for two months. I text Mama's back to see where she wanted to go to the movies, her reply was the pavilions.
I start having flashback's of dirty metal puncturing the surface of my skin and the fifthly bathrooms in the streets that I once called home. The word "smack" slipped through my lips. Taboo I thought. I considered telling Mama's that I was in rehab. But I figure two months sober...she doesn’t need to know.
I fumbled around on the cold concrete towards the two red lights resembling eyes that would lite up the cold summer cave. I looked around and started walking upstairs. Grandma was playing with my baby sister, for the first time all morning I smile and feel like I have a decent sense of purpose in life.
I spend most of the day lying around. Most motivation I used to have is gone. I run a few errands, maybe even do a few chores. But the thought of doing anything else just seems like too much. The night time rolls around and I tell my grandparents I'm off to the movies. I start walking to the light rail, already I’m not even in the city and old memories are playing in the back of my mind. I reassure myself that I can do this and take a seat. When the train arrived at the mall, I decided to walk, besides the movies was only a few blocks up and I figured the chances of running into anyone were slim. Walking down the mall I start feeling back at home, the people and city just seem all too familiar. Passing Virgin Records I hear someone call my name. My heart stops, and with good reason. It’s Olive. She runs up to me and gives me a hug.
Her first reaction is to ask me where I’ve been, apparently her and the rest of my old friends all thought I had died of an overdose. Mama’s still hadn’t texted me so I figured she wasn’t at the pavilions yet so I saw no harm in catching up with Olive. It was a little after eight and she said she was on her way to cop and asked if I wanted to walk with her. I reminded myself that I wouldn’t do heroin, as a matter a fact the more I thought about it, I couldn’t. I didn’t even have a rig on me, so why would I even get any? We walked to the top of the mall over to Pennsylvania. While on the way I told her that I had been in recovery and was clean off dope and on Suboxone. She seemed pretty supportive, and even told me that she and her boyfriend both were planning on getting clean off dope soon. This would be her fourth time kicking the habit.
I saw her accomplice in the distance, when we got there and were done with greeting’s it all went back to old routine. He asked if I needed dope and instead of giving him the same story I did with Olive about rehab I said I was out of rigs. He handed me two. I took a deep breath and told him I was in rehab and couldn’t do dope. To my surprise he was also supportive and said it was alright. He mentioned something about my number not working and without even thinking I gave him the new number.
Then it all dawned on me…I had the chance to get high. I considered it for a brief moment then blew it off, Mama’s would know something was up. By this point the temptation was getting too overwhelming, I had to go. I told Olive that I had a friend waiting down on the mall for me and that I had to go meet them. Just as we parted ways I turned around and asked what kind of junk they were picking up. They said it was good powered dope; it was even from a new dealer because the last one they had was putting too much cut. I threw them a $20 and said “get me quarter, only because it’s good dope”. Of course they weren’t going to tell me no, it was perfect timing. Mama’s texted me as soon as I was back on the mall with my balloon of dope. I told her that I was walking from my parking spot and I’d be there in a few minutes.
I went to 7-11 to get pop can to cook up my dope in the theater. Because it was power I wouldn’t need to cook it long but I didn’t know how long it would take to find a vein and I didn’t want Mama’s getting suspicious.
When I met up with Mama’s we walked through the theater doors and I parted off and told her I needed to go to the restroom for a minute and I would meet her in the theater after I was done. This had to be at least my third or fourth time shooting up in this bathroom; I already knew that the stall on the corner was usually the best spot. I put my hoodie up on the door to cover the crack so no one would see what I was doing.
I opened the balloon with my teeth and took it out from the foil…I got a whiff of the faint smell of vinegar. My body trembled, I couldn’t wait. The surrounding people in the stalls and bathroom’s just added to rush of getting high, I took a small scoop of dope and poured it in the cooker with a little bit of water and heated it up. I dropped a cotton ball in and watched it suck up the dope just like how I would be in a few brief moments. I took the clean rig I had and stabbed it straight into the heart of the cotton, pulled back the plunger, and watched the syringe fill with a dark brown liquid.
By this point I couldn’t stop myself, I had no control over my hands, no control over my thoughts, this was how it had to be. I unstrapped the belt from my waist and tied up. I let my hand hang low so I could see which vein would be the best pick. For the first time in months…I actually had a choice for which vein I wanted. I pushed the needle in and felt it break the surface. It was time to register; I pulled back a little till a small air bubble filled the tip of the barrel. As I went deeper with the needle the bubble filled with blood. By this point I could barely contain the overwhelming feelings. I let go of the belt with my teeth and it spiraled around my bicep till it was a loose hold.
I took one deep breath and pushed the plunger down. I watched the barrel empty into my vein. By the time I pulled it out I could already feel my head spinning and legs going limp. I stumble to clean up but manage. I walk to the theater and meet Mama’s, the darkness provides the perfect cover…
