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A Jehovah's Witness came to the door yesterday with a bunch of Watchtower magazines. He offered one to me and I refused, telling him that his religion is totally incompatible with my lifestyle.

Deuteronomy 22:5 - "A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman's garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God."

This seems to refer to crossdressing, but I also think it applies to transsexuals such as myself. Why the hell would I worship, much less respect, a god that considers me an abomination? Then there's the whole "your body is a temple" thing, which I'm sure I've broken numerous times with my tattoos, my self harming, and of course my drug addictions.

I Corinthians 5:19 - "If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you yourselves are his temple."

Bring it on, God! Bullies don't scare me. And anyway, my body's more like a drug house than a temple.

Me and drug_wench were talking tonight (I'm spending the weekend at her place), and we've decided on some positive goals for 2010.

1) Quit all hard drugs by the end of the year... meth, heroin, and so on.

2) Stop associating with gangs, dealers, and other people who might tempt us into using.

3) Get some hobbies, join some clubs, or just find something to "replace" the addictions and give us the opportunity to meet clean people.

We're both feeling confident that we can acheive them.

dear j,

you bitch that i do not eat healthy, so when we go shopping i grap lots of veggies and fruit. then you have the nerve to bitch that i am buying expensive food because i refuse to eat spaghetti-os and other assorted overly processed cheap food. you complain that i buy low fat/low sodium soups because they cost more than the $1/can crap you have.

i am sorry that i refuse to eat the crap you put in your mouth. its nasty, high in calories and fat and offers next to no nutrition. i'd rather buy healthy, tasty food for home and the processed crap when unhealthy stuff when i go out. mcdonalds once in awhile is way better than eating like you do on a daily basis.

furthermore, if i am cooking for the both of us, i am going to make veggies i like. you aren't a fucking child, it won't kill you to try new things. then you have the nerve to say that i am pikcy because i think veggies are an important part of a meal. wtf is wrong with you?

don't even get me started about money. i have barely touched our savings account, you have drained it buying idiotic things we do not need. then you complain that i want to have a nice couch since we have no furniture. to me that is way more important than a stupid shiney router even tho the old one worked just as fine. then you go buying all these other gadgets which we don't need, spending money from the savings account. or rather, spending your money but taking money out of the savings account for "essentials" that you don't have the money for.

my car is broken and you can't be bothered to loan me your car. you are complaining that i didn't have it towed to the dealership to be fix, where it would cost an arm and a leg more than waiting for my dad to look at it. unlike you, i figure living on budget means doing so. not just doing what is convenient.

i am so pissed of right now and almost wish i never moved back. FUCK OFF is about all i have to say to you.

slipped last night, er well around 8pm. my buddy had a suboxone, and asked if i wanted any. I've been having a shitty day, and was about to lay down anyway. so we halved it and broke it up n snorted it.
I was feeling the guilt the second i did it, and thought that if i just layed on mt bed then after watching the book of eli they did room checks at 11pm, so my friend that i did the suboxone with had to go take a piss test because his eyes were red or something. so i walked with my buddy up the hill and my dumb ass asked if i could take a drug test. (very fucking bad move).
My pride about passing the drug test was the only thing that i could think of. long story shot i couldn't pee, i keep drinking water, and the suboxone made me sick so i kept throwing it all back up. over and over and over again. my buddy pissd automatically and he did the same amount of suboxone i did. so almost 3 hours later i still couldn't pee and the night watch just told me to go to bed. I told him that he has nothing to worry about, im still going to pee for him in the morning,

i feel like shit now, both physically and mentally.

even though i'm not gone for long, and im coming back anyway, today its just been too much. too intense seeing you, hearing your words, holding you. sharing emotions which we both didnt know we had.

i shouldnt miss you
the feeling of finality is overwhelming
im coming home
am i?
is this goodbye?

Took this while picking my brother up from school, there was a leaf just sitting in this puddle in an alley. Made for the perfect shot.

this was a headline on the front page of the local paper a few years ago. it amused me

Sarah awoke to find Edward staring at her creepily from the foot of her bed.

“Uh, what? What the hell are you doing here?” she said, bewildered.

“I was just watching you sleep. Isn’t that dark and brooding and romantic?” Edward brooded darkly.

“No. That’s just creepy.” Sarah turned on her Stanley 3-in-1 Tripod with Mini-Tripod Keychain, which she always kept at her bedside. “Aren’t you that weird emo kid from the woods? Holy crap, are you sparkling?”

“Yeah, weird, that usually only happens in sunlight,” his brooding words darkly brooded across the room and into her ears.

“Well this thing’s got a brightness of 60 lumens, Sparkles.”

“Please don’t call me that. It’s gym class all over again. Anyway, I’m a vampire. And I love you,” he darkly brooded.

“Love me? You haven’t even said two words to me until you snuck into my room. That’s not love; that’s an unhealthy infatuation, and you’ve clearly demonstrated a complete disregard for my personal boundaries,” Sarah wisely noted.

“But that’s because you’re my brand of heroin,” Edward broodingly brooded in such a dark and brooding manner that it was so totally hot.

“So are you here to ask me out or something? Can I just reject you now and get this over with?” she asked.

“Actually,” Edward brooded, “I want to fall in love with you, then run away, thereby forcing you to string along a werewolf guy while you go nuts and detach from everyday life in your obsession with me so that I can return, proving to millions of teenage girls everywhere that if your boyfriend leaves you the only way to get him back is to go completely insane and isolate yourself from everything else.”

“I’m sorry,” Sarah responded after picking her jaw up off the floor, “is this seriously your best effort? I mean, this is the plot of some pulp comic riff on Romeo & Juliet, right? Who in their right mind would fall for this?”

“Well,” Edwards dark words brooded, “I was hoping you would.”

“You know my last name’s Van Helsing, right?”

“Who?”

“Nothing. Come in and meet my dad!”

Who doesn't know RIck James? Even today we can still hear his music in movies or even commercials such as "Superfreak" in the recent AT&T commercial. Nonetheless I like quite a few of his songs but, my all time favorite has to be Mary Jane, a great old school tune released in 78 on the album "Come Get IT!".

File information:

• Title: Mary Jane
• Artist: Rick James
• Album: The Ultimate Collection: Rick James
• Genre: R&B
• Year: 1978
• Bit rate: 128 Kbps
• File size: 5.01 MB

Additional info

• This file is iTunes ready meaning it has the album art, genre, year, disc number, track number, & even lyrics already embedded in the ID3 tag so there is no editing once you import the file into your mp3 application of choice. All the hard work is done for you, enjoy!
• If you like having organized ID3 tags and would like more songs like this one, you can keep up-to-date on files I upload by bookmarking my 4shared account by clicking the link provided (recommended):
  http://www.4shared.com/u/JmNDX6mS/Leroy_G.html
• You can also bookmark my blog and check the downloads category, however not necessarily will all the songs on my 4shared account be posted in there.
• If for some reason the download link is broken, the file is missing any ID3 info (lyrics, album art, etc), or anything is wrong, send me a message via bluelight with the problem, link to the post, and I will get it fixed.

Preview & download:

• http://www.4shared.com/audio/IEMznQlE/Rick_James_-_Mary_Jane.htm

If you got the time, check out these two people called Up & Over It, A friend of mine recently showed me this video and it blew my mind, talk about some a unique skill.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iANRO3I30nM&feature=share

I've been considering my plea when I'm called into court over the drug charges I'm facing. When asked how I plea, I'm thinking of saying "no plea, as I don't consider what I've done to be crimes." Sure it probably won't help my defence one bit, but ya gotta stand up for your principles, right?

So I'm working on my BS in computer science and Im fucking swamped. I've been balls to the wall for like two weeks. School is def. a good thing. It keep's me away from using as much,lol. Can't be forgetting entire days after 3 bars ya know. Its funny how the world works. Today is the anniversary of MLKs death so its the end of a super drunk fest can gladly say i'm happy to start this week off

So Swim been on and off of bluelight and opiates and benzo's, for like 7 years. Today was the first time swim hadnt even touch anything besides those two and pot since he was 19 years old.
Background, and what happened
Swim live in what use to be the projects, even though they tore them down and built nice apartments its still not a good area... They lady next do who swim has know was an alcoholic from day one, approached swim and we started talking while smoking a cig. Know we have a nice friendly relationship and un denounced to SWIM she is a base head. I had my suspicions but never knew for sure till tonight.. SWIM notice a large guy sitting on the couch who he didn't know(obviously crack dealer) They passed swim the stem and what do SWIM do??? he light it up. Swim had already blown a 30mg opana like three hours before hand so He really don't know why he did it... SWIM absolutely hates crack cocaine even when he was blowing powder by the .25 OZ he never ever smoked crack except for two other occasions. One it was laced in a blunt that he didn't know about,found out real fast and the other time SWIM was on my way to my first inpatient treatment facility, figured really why the fuck not,lol...
So SWIM threw in and scored a tenner from buddy. Come to find out later this motherfucker had some of the best Number#3 smack HE HAS seen in this god forsaken town. It had to have some fent in it BC SWIM ISNT PLAYIN best shit he's seen in like a year and suprisingly clean. shot was heaven.
Anyway SWIM feels really guilty right know. HE knows what He did was wrong.. He guesses He must just learn from this and move forward, crack is whack. Is it Cliche or two face that SWIM rrecreationally and for chronic pain use opiates, smack, and benzo's yet just look at what swim just did like it is the SCUM of the EARTH inwhich it is....... Crack has absolutly no place in society... Fuck that shit.. Swim doesn't mean to whine but he feels like a dumb motherfcujer

Right, it was my second ghost hunt I’m almost a believer, well I must be as I’ve gone back for more.
The first one we did was last year and we saw lots of orbs mostly normal and one red one (which aren’t meant to be very nice) and we heard lots of knocking which all came from the room where we were sat, a sign flew off the wall which made me jump out of my skin as it landed by my feet, all caught on video camera, a bit spooky.

This one was in an old police station which was turned into a theatre years ago. It was a pretty quiet night, until we went down to the old cells, four in total two female and two male cells.

Inside one of the bloke’s cells you could see where names had been scratched on the walls, the story we were told was the marks were done with the prisoners finger nails in the middle of the night, names of girlfriends etc, they did it make them think of home and to pass the time, it was pretty scary down there.
Down at the cells we heard foot steps and we were the only ones there, we had to keep checking to see if anyone else had come down, well they checked I wasn’t going anywhere on my own. Three of us sat on the bed in the pitch black, it seemed lighter when you closed your eyes if that makes sense, then the cell door flew open and banged against it’s hinges, if I wasn’t trying to be tough I would have ran the hell out of there and left them all to it.

Someone from the other group with a Medium and Angel board made contact with their daughter who had died 14 months previous which was pretty sad, not sure whether I totally agreed with it unless the lady got some kind of closure then I guess it would be ok. Someone else had a dog that kept rubbing itself against her legs, she screamed the place down when it happened apparently it was an old police dog which was retired but the owner let it stay in the station.

That was about it; we started at 9pm and finished at 3am. Would I do it again? My friend wants to go to a haunted wood; at the moment I’m thinking I would rather dry roast my own testicles….We’ll have to see.

tonight there was a lot of tension between my boyfriend and i. eventually we argued and he told me that he feels like i'm not myself anymore and that he's always laying next to a "shell." it took him a while to notice i guess, three years actually. it just sucks when there's that one person you pour your heart and soul into and they still picture you as just a shell of what once used to be a human being.

i can't pretend that it didn't break my heart. he's my best friend, my love. if i'm a shell to him i don't know what the hell i look like to the rest of the world.

fuck it though.

From Thursday to Sunday I was stuck in Baltimore, the greatest city in America......(?) If you spend a coupla days 'dare, you can get hypnotized by the sights and sounds and drugs.

all the buildings are the exact same height, so its like a giant maze.

When I'm in the maze, I get the sense the entire world is moving in the wrong direction. We're going forwards, but we should be moving backwards. A good tip for living in the maze: don't look your neighbor in the eye, it's best to stare at the ground when you pass them.

I've had my fill of beer and chips and soda and dope, and I'm back at home now. Three days gone, at least one hundred dollars gone. I'm still trying to quit, I think. The motivations behind this are strictly tied to my personal finances.

sober from alcohol/weed: 0 days
sober from everything else: 1 day

We went back to court, waited to hear just exactly how fucked we'd be, and waited to get home and take this load off our mind with a fat shot. We waited to get called in at probation, for the potheads and small time electronics theifs and husband slappers and drunk drivers to walk out the door til it was our turn. we waited for it to be over so we could go right back outside and boot the fat shot that had been waitin for us in the car after we waited all week for our systems to clear out for our visit with the PO. we told him how good we been, and waited to get dismissed til the silence on his end hinted at somethin wrong and we waited for the news to drop, already pullin back inside, flinching from the impact of the trouble about to hit us while we waited for him to say wat we already knew.

and then we sat and waited for him to come back with his boss, and waited for the lecture, the introduction to our fate, waited to find out just particularly wat he had in mind for us courtesy of the state department of probation, the consequences for our lyin denyin foolishness and poor planning that we had been sure would work. we sat in a haze sayin the right words at the right times, beggin n' noddin and lookin as sorry as we could and as a junkie thats pretty sorry, and waited for it to be over.

and then we ran to the car, drove home focused only on the one thing that got us into this spot to begin with, waited for each light and every slow ass driver that decided to come out and have a god damn parade at 25mph on the road home tonight, tailgatin n highbeaming n passin on solid yellow lines desperate to get to the cure for this sense of doom that took over us the second the words "dirty urine" passed the PO's lips , and push away reality one last time, rushing to get it in, as much of it as possible while we still can, angry that we had took it for granted like that friend whose always around, never thinking that one day shit might change and we'd get the rug snatched out from under us, that we would have to part ways before we had a chance to say a proper goodbye, that we'd have to stop before we were ready, n that all that eventual, dragged out, slow taper-down "one last time" and "one for the road"s that we had planned in case we ever found ourselves in this spot, would have to get squeezed into a few hours before this night ended...

we waited for the day to end, the first time without our daily routine, everything strange unfamiliar, foreign, everything feelin like life on the opposite side of one-way glass, in a parrallel world, watching the mirror image of ourselves doing the normal, everyday cop'n'shoot on the other side while we pressed our hands and faces against the mirror, trapped in this uncomfortable confusing place where everything we do feels wrong and off and everything we know suddenly aint allowed.

staring at the shadow of ourselves that keeps on movin, existing somewhere in our minds, in the life that was, oblivious to how things can change, wanting to switch places and go back to livin in that beautifully ignorant body in a world where needles n' bundles dont lead to cuffs'n'cop cars and we thought life was terrible when the only thing stopping us from getting high was the money that wasnt there or the phone that wasnt on.

we waited for our bodies to stop achin and screaming for relief, we waited for our minds to forget, even just for a second, about the one thing that was consuming them, we waited for our thoughts to change, for some small break to come where we could relax for a minute and not be focusing, concentrating, obsessin on that fact that today wasnt normal and everything was wrong. we wrapped ourselves in blankets and waited for our bones to thaw out and we ripped our hoodies and t shirts off , tearin at the extra clothing that seemed to suffocate us, the necklace strangling us, the bracelet that felt like too tight handcuffs on our wrists, waitin for the heat to stop burning in our chests and brains. we waited with hand towels ready to soak up the sweat pouring from our skin, waited for the sub, the methadone to kick in.

we flicked thru the channels , desperate for distraction, frantically searchin for something that wouldnt find some way to remind us, but no matter wat came on, there was always a trace, some small suggestion or hint that brought it back, anything could. we stared at the tv blankly lettin the images flash over the backs of our eyes and seep into our subconscious, barely paying attention, squinting at the bright flashes and loud sounds of the commercials assaulting our senses, everything magnified and exaggerated by our oversensitive bodies. we waited , 30 seconds at a time, for them to be over, for the show to come back on , the plot that we had no interest in but picked out of a lineup cause it seemed like maybe it was better than the other useless joyless crap that was on.

we struggled thru the hour, each commercial break and 7-minute scrap of so called entertainment stretchin on forever, slowly cutting off chunks of time, tryin not to look at the clock. knowing that worst of all, this wasnt gonna be all worth it in the morning as soon as we got to the bank, got the mail, got the phonecall or got to the pharmacy with our backup dealer from the old pill days and his script of oxys the minute it opened at 9:01 am, sitting sideways on the seat of the blood pressure machine, absently blinkin thru the pages of gossip magazines til the lady called his name and we heard the sound of angels singing in the crinkle of the white paper bag with the may cause drowsiness warning stickers and safety guidelines stapled to the front.

we closed our eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed with the pathetic, self pitying despair of every hopeless soul in the world when we remembered that this time, this pattern, these restless nights and empty days would continue, tomorrow, the next day, and the next until who knows when. we waited for even a little sleepiness to gently weight down our eyelids, waited for the deep and eternal tiredness in our bones, our muscles, n our minds to turn into the smooth release of sleep, of actually being able to. we waited for the ad, the lady in pajamas sliding into a big fluffy white bed with soft sheets, puffy comforter, down stuffed pillows to open up a portal right there in front of the couch n take us away, transport us into that room on the tv, waited for this lumpy couch to get comfortable, for our legs to stop twitchin and our thoughts to stop racing in circles, full speed, runnin on the same track thru our heads , wearing out a groove til we just wanted to bang our foreheads on the table and shake it all out our ears , to just catch a god damn break from all this shit for one fuckin second.

we laid down, stuck to the cushions, arranging and rearranging our pant legs, our socks, the blanket, the volume, the wrinkles on our shirts bunched up underneath us that seemed like the bars of a dog cage pressing in on our backs. we waited out the night , somehow, and fell into a vague excuse for rest, cryin in our sleep never knowing, bouncing back and forth from dreams of dope soaked bliss to a sea of green passaic county jail scrubs. from 7 o clock wakeups in rehab beds to crying and yelling in the kitchen, phone in our hand typing a text saying yes , please we want that bundle, we'd be right there as soon as we could, makin a run for it down the stairs, across from us blocking the door our mother stands with a court summons in one hand and a needle in the other and the look of the most profound, crushed disappointment on her face.

and thru that night time freak show of junkie life we waited subconsciously to escape into daytime where shit would be better, and when we woke up, only half rememberin the details but with a feeling of uneasiness clouding the mornin, we waited for the last pieces that stayed in our mind to drift and fade away with the fuzzy veil of sleep as it burned off like mist over the lake when the sun warms up.

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad."

— Neal Stephenson (Snow Crash)

When it rains it fucking pours, eh.
This smacked up asshole wrote to me on facebook, now granted I didn't know he was that evil when i had sent him the request back in around Oct. After he completely ruined my life, my hope and my clean time (well yeah so that was my fault too, I can't keep blaming everyone else..) I finally got to see what a completely bad influence he was on me. I can't figure out what he was using me for though, it wasn't sex so what was it just a power trip?
I feel like shit tonight, it's four days and counting and I'm online so I won't do anything stupid.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I need help but I can't go away anywhere, cause of the case coming up and cause I won't lose the very people in my life that matter. Plus they don't let you smoke enough in there..
I want to scream
I want to cry
And fuck I want to hurt myself
This sucks, I thought things would get better being clean, and yes I know things take time.


*I hate asking for help but please if anyway on has gone through this or just has any tips. I need help getting through this one..
I don't want to lose my daughter, she's my world but I'm in a spot where I'm starting to feel that maybe she's better off not being with me, and she's the only reason I'm still here trying and fighting..*

Yup and not the first time either. I ran out of clonazepam like 2 days ago....maybe more....my mind is too scattered. My vision has been effected slightly, as I have always had 40/20 ("perfect" vision) and now I am not sure if half of what I am typing is spelled the right way. Its like I have saran wrap over my eyes / the screen or something.....sweating.....chest pain. Oh and I have eaten very little, not that I am not hungry cause I am, just that I'm short on food and can't binge like I usually do, so now my stomach is protesting to the luxury of over eating.

Add the slight stress that my daughter's father probably got served this past week for custody papers of our daughter. I'm going to lose, that's most likely but I believe she would do better with us most of the time, instead of with her dad.....ooops I mean seeing her dad leave as she's dropped off at granny's house....or her ex -stepmother's house......or whoever else her father feels like he can get a free babysitter out of while he goes get ranky pussy. Yeah, I know how sour that sounds, I hate the mofo and I don't use the word HATE often, hell, most of the people I meet in life I stay friends with indefinately. He though deserves to be hung up by the balls, casterated and have SUPERVISED visits until its proven he actually spends time with his own first born daughter.....oh yeah this waste of air procreated AGAIN with his gf / ex-gf whatever she calls herself today. Poor kid. I hope the gf smartens up and gets herself sole custody of the baby.

I said I wasn't going to come back for awhile, but I was too tempted today.

Keep idle hands busy as the saying goes.....

Besides all this everything is GREAT. Besides the sweats and vision thing, I feel great. I am not depressed today. I still miss people but I've come to the conclusion they will come around when ready, if ever. You can't make someone like or love you they have to on their own.

My fave. (well lately) singer Elliott Yamin. I have been listening too much of his music lately. When I start thinking it gets dangerous LOL

I almost snapped into a crisis 2 days ago - so yeah 3 days without Clonazepam. I ripped Terry a new one and was rolling in my mind to just leave - just up and go with the kid. Leave his sorry ass and make him beg for me to stay. I left before and can do again. He seems to think "working on getting along" = relationship. I told him from day 1 it was to save living costs, plus for the kiddo's sake to have his father around yadda yadda.

If I don't find something to do AWAY from the 2 of them soon, I WILL snap and it won't be pretty and probably will totally fuck my chances for getting my daughter. I have to be careful, keep myself in check.

Which is why I am writing in here instead of poping a 2ml Clonazepam of Terry's. I get random piss tests by my doctor, if I say I ran out but it's in my system ...... clon's are benzos and if i recall right they stay in the system for what.... 3 - 5 days?.....maybe 7 days? If I told him I ran out on the 14th.......ok it would still be in my system possibly by the 20th when I can go see him. I have to be walk in, but fuck, I am risking my life as it is. Im a recovering epileptic - 18yrs no meds or seizures - had nocturnal epilepsy from 4 - 10yrs old. I don't recall the cercumstances of my case, so I don't recall how i came around to being med free.

Cold turkey Clon's is not very safe for me, every night is another possible attack for me. Every day is a possible psychosis, possible rage. I have been good so far so lets pray I am fine until I see my doc.

Weird vanilla creamy taste in the back of my throat, wtf?

I guess coffee doesn't help my matters huh? I only have had one cup today and I try to limit myself to 2 a day even with all my meds. Coffee before my meds always gave me the jitters.

Bah, I just hate the sweats everything else is bearable. I feel like I need a shower every half hour cause I am sweating so bad. Though only from the neck down. My hair is dry as a bone. Only my hands and feet and underarms and under bottox (when sitting).

I am hoping my doc filled out the referal and is not waiting to see me or that will fucking suck. Already at least a 4 week wating list, it's been a week since I called my doc for the referral for the CBT. I think CBT will be better for me then meds, because they never did anything for me except knock me out at night and slightly mellow me out. I rather not swallow a pill if I don't have to.

My anxiety seems okay, I still am taking the cipralex so I think that's keeping me in check on the anxiety but rapid cold turkey from clon's braught on an attack the other day so who knows.

I need to stop writing here, but my hands don;t seem to want to stop.....and for some reason I find that funny...... lol..... not good man.

A bump in my journey...but not really because a bump would be a ATOD relapse but I have not since new years eve. So it's more like..... SAVE BUS FARE FOR THE FUCKING DR NEXT TIME.....situation. lol. Oh well, I'll be fine.

I need to stop writing......Need to find someone on MSN to bug to satisfy my writing urge. I guess my writing urge is now taking place of my touch urge I usually have....a touch OCD i call it LOL I always love touching people...faces, bodies, hands. weird huh? eh well....

Have been good on my touch OCD (haha) for......what..... 2 almost 3 months now. Longest ive gone without touching SOMEONE in YEARS. Then again I take care of my son on a daily basis, but that's different. My touch OCD i think is pleasure based....so ..... yeah...... Ive been celebate for what.... 2 / 3 months..... Blah!

Ok, MSN....better get there before I start talking about my bra size next and shit and more TMI lulz.

I U my friends.


p.s. how do you catagorize posts? ive always wondered....never did find out........


jaw clenching and cold sweats instead of hot sweats..... perfect.

It doesn't matter if I just knew the person from their posts, knew them personally, or never heard of them before. It always makes me feel sad.

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."