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Some new strains they got over at the dispensary today! Just had to share that with you al, happy toking fellow Bluelighters! Got me some Da Vinci & Purple Cotton.

...there's probably millions of people who would jump in your shoes, regardless of the problems or difficulties you think you have in life.

so why are you still feeling sorry for yourself?

why don't you just suck it up, move on and live life..

there's nothing stopping you.. nothing but yourself.

so with that in mind, why the fuck does it appear that life is such a downer at times. why does it sometimes feel like it's time to give up. give up the relentless pursuit to progress in life. i'm not talking suicide, that's ridiculous. but there are times where i feel like that if i could give my life to someone else who would appreciate it and make more of it then me, then i'd do it in a heart beat.

then i realise it's just me feeling sorry for myself, and nothing frustrates me more then the feeling of feeling sorry for myself.

just shut up and move on, is what i tell myself. but at times it takes more energy and motivation then i can create. on top of that, the only person i share my true feelings with, is myself. i've always been that kind of person that never really opened up to anyone, not my parents, not my brother, and very little to even my best friend.

it's not like i sit at home all day feeling sorry for myself. i have made tough decisions in the past with the aim to progress, to do something about it. progress where/how exactly, i'm not sure.. i guess happiness. happiness is when you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face without even thinking or trying.

my tough decision was moving half way around the world to live in a place i knew no one, and attempt to create a new life. that life included being someone different, someone i wanted to be & be proud of... not the miserable cunt who felt sorry for himself, thinking the world owed him something.

i managed a year there, sure it was a good experience i guess, did a little travel, but now 1 year later i'm back and it seems like nothing's changed. still feels like i'm 'stuck' and going no where..

but the one belief i try and pride myself on is that; you always have at least two choices in life, regardless what it is.. you can either except it for what it is, or do something about it in attempt to change it. and as hard as it may seem at times, God help me, i'm gonna die tryin'.

I arrived in Phnom Penh last Saturday, following a 32 hour journey from London by Car, Train, Planes, Motorcycle and Tuk-Tuk.

Over the past month or two, I sold off my cars, my tools and shipped most of my books and stuff for keeps to Ireland to be stored in my brother's attic.

I moved from my house, stayed in a hostel for three weeks before visiting my family in Ireland for about ten days, getting back to London on the 3rd to get my stuff out of storage and leave for Asia last Friday.

I had about 25kg overweight on my luggage as I brought my summer clothes, my computer, external HDD, keyboard, guitar and about 30kg in text books and one or two choice novels. Luckily I was able to sneak the excess on as hand-luggage.

Flew London-Bombay, changed planes there and got to bangkok 24 hours after I left London, on account of the time and date lines being crossed. Then on to Bangkok where I had a long-ass 7 hour layover before I caught my connecting flight to Phnom Penh.

The weather is a balmy 25-35c most days, it being the "cool" season here, with a nice breeze.

I'm living in a Khmer Guesthouse near the Olympic stadium and might stay here for a while. It's good value, friendly, secure and has a mean roof terrace.

Since monday I have been training with a company operating on the campus of the main Uni. Classes are 9-5 everyday, except today where we had an exam and an early finish.

I was out with my classmates last night, who are a real hodge-podge of Americans from various states and backgrounds, another Irish, a Chinese-Irish-Scot, an english, an aussie and a few others.

We were drinking in this nice little bar down a dark alley in a crazy part of a crazy city, had some good food and wandered up the river at 1am to buy $20 worth of MJ. $20 gets you about three ounces of the good stuff here

Had a smoke with the group on the banks of the Mekong before hitting a new bar where I got locked into this courtship and whisky drinking scene with a pretty american, who I'm hooking up with later.

Back home at 4am, passed out, up at 8am, drank water, took a diaz, went and did my exam and I got the whole weekend ahead of myself.

Life's good:D

Thanks for the responses, it was rather reassuring seeing that someone took the time to read my previous blog and make a comment, so thank you.

Right it’s the 13th Jan the day after the anniversary of my mum dying. I went to see my dad and sisters last night who had a good day together doing a bit of shopping and lunch and appeared quite happy which was nice to see.
I didn’t buy any flowers or go to my mums grave as I’d planned to, but as was said previously I’ll go when I’m ready, one day soon.
Generally I’m feeling good and am content that yesterday and this last week wasn’t as stressful as I may have been thinking it would be, yeah I’m feeling good…

Even though some things in my life have been looking up lately I keep finding myself in these really dark places in my head.
Small things are building up into shit i'm not able to handle and the one year date of losing my husband is only a few days away. It just seems like for every small good thing that happens two bad things take it's place.
I don't have a clue where I should be going now it feels like i'm wasting my time by waiting.

ridiculously of course being after 2am.

I'll tell you why, because no-one is posting in the lounge. that's why, so I get bored.

since I've been out of work I can't seem to get to sleep until 4 or 5 if I'm alone, and 2 or 3 when I'm at her house. and only that early cause she's gotta wake up early so I turn off the TV and force myself to.

ahhh...fuckit right? go with the flow and all that?

at least I'm starting a new job on tuesday. who knows what will come of it, its under the table, cash on friday afternoon. 8 bucks an hour though not sure if I like that. I'm gonna have to bust ass to make sure dude gives me a raise ASAP. I'm pretty good at painting. and apartments are fucking cake. paint over everything, don't even bother with the switch plates and socket plates. fuckit just roll on over'em. speed is the key, I've gotta get past my (srsly) minor ocd and just let it go. I always try to do a "good job" that's been my downfall in these redneck fucking jobs. they're all about speed and putting out work, its never about quality and I'm a quality man. I'd rather get done two units done perfectly than 4 units done looking like a retard with a headwound did it. but that's me, and I'm not paying me. so quick it is.

in other news, mom found out I did what I did. (no I'm not going to write about it cause I'm fucking ashamed) and fucking flipped. and she had every right to, cause it was low and shady of me and I'm fucking better than that. so I'll fix it, and work on myself and get better. that's what I need to do so I'll do it. but as for now I'm staying at my ol' ladys (haha that sounds so chauvinistic, but I mean it with every bit of love I have. which is a lot.) to keep mom and the step-dad happy. and to avoid confrontation, and she loves to put me in situations I don't wanna be in as far as that goes. so it works for both of us.

ok, so I'm just about done with this for tonight... maybe an update sometime in the future. like someones out there hanging on every post I make lol "OMG what's dP doing today?! SHIT he still hasn't updated his blog?!" haha that makes me laugh in my head...

30/11/05 (Age 21) NO USE DENYING IT, BUT DO I REALLY WANT ANY OTHER LIFE?
Life sucks, the world sucks. I suck. I couldn't get off to sleep last night and I ached all over, then I got to thinking about how it was going to be impossible going to rally tonight with quite obvious drug withdrawals. In the end I somehow managed to twist my mind into reasoning that maybe just a bit of meth - and enough heroin to keep me straight as well - just enough to stop the withdrawals without making me bounce off the walls, I could relax and ride, but now I realise it's ridiculous to think with my tolerance that that was a wise idea. After shooting one of those pre-loaded 5ml syringes of smack I always load when I'm well, I shot a gram and a half of that P I cooked up last week, then went on the internet, sure to sneak off to bed when Mum arose.
Then I drove down to Tilly's place and helped her school Boris and Bailey. Tilly is the most successful person I know as far as getting off the P. She was amazed I'd gone so long, saying you can't do it without rehab - or a wopping dose of opiates. Well, admittedly I'm going all-out on the opiates - but it's just enough to keep me well. I don't think Tilly knows I'm a junkie.
Rehab doesn't like medicinal pot-smokers - and I don't like rehab. Well I hated Odyssey and the Bridge.
All very well for Tilly to talk about rehab - she went to Capri. Capri sounds almost fun; a holiday full of massages and spas and wonderful detoxing chemicals, all with the famous people. I guess there's the usual psycho-babble among the other poor buggers who happen to like their drugs and booze a bit too much. Then, behind the counsellors' backs, sharing drool stories about the crack we've encountered, exchanging 'decent gear' numbers. Hey, I met Michele in Odyssey - she's a good back-up for smack. If you call that shit smack.
Capri must be much more fun than sitting alone, trying not to make a run for my dealer (oh Baggsy I love you), and turning to cooking it with the Whitetails when I'm desperate.
All my Sandringham friends are so nearby, burning it up without me. Don't they understand? They can't smoke meth without me, I'm their tweaker wench, and I have to be there to get a good tweak - I smoked that shit before they knew what it was, half of them.
So, okay, nearly a day off it again now. Still using smack. I'm not tweaking out though; I stayed with that gram and a half (I donated the rest of my P to Joseph, who kissed my feet practically), came down later, had a major fight with Mum, who knew I'd been on the P and was telling me how much I couldn't give it up and had no hope for my future (oh so helpful), so my comedown was enhanced, as far as the loss of confidence goes. I didn't ride tonight at rally.
I am so confident after imbibing meth that I suppose I don't realise how much I'm not really a very confident person, naturally until I come down, and that depresses me.
Meth depresses me - someone, who wrote into Switched on Gardener singing praises for StoP (worked sort of for me once but once I got through popping them like candy I just slammed more P), was saying that being hooked on P is like living in a dark hole, being sucked deeper and deeper into the hole with every point. That someone summed it up well. I hate P - I still doubt last night was my last hit ever.
Got to not think about it. This hate of it is better. I don't want to be your slave, P, fuck off will you? I wish the nearby places I know of would close down, especially Joe's dad and Baggsy. I wish I didn't know how to cook it. I wish the friends I have who are tweakers would all give up with me. Alisha and Ben are going great guns - they've been at least 12 days; no amphetamines in the blood. Amazing. Opiates too - I couldn't stop shooting smack if I wanted too, and I don't want to as it keeps me mentally well and I think I'm best to tackle one drug at a time.
I know I shoot too much smack though - mainly because I get all spun out from the P comedowns and it makes me calmer - and ohhh the euphoria! I think if I try to shoot less smack while I'm going through the P detox I'll go psychotic (hey it is a symptom of withdrawal) but once I'm officially P-free and not craving it like water then maybe I'll go through the dreaded heroin withdrawal I know I have to face sooner or later - not like I don't have weed and Immodium - and benzos aren't hard to come by.
Maybe oneday I'll even be considered not a drug addict but a recreational occasional drug user and a medicinal marijuana 'patient' (bloody government).
Gets a bit more respect than being a drug addict - people give me dirty looks when they know I take P. It's sort of obvious from the way I look, that I take P. I hate that and I can't wait to look like I'm not taking P. Will that happen? I hope so. Or do I?

NB - FIRSTLY SOME OF THE NAMES OF PEOPLE/GANGS NAMED MAY BE ALIASES
- Tilly was my friend, who'd attended Te Atatu Pony Club with me, then moved away, round about the time I was asked to leave that Pony Club (at 21 I was attending Massey Pony Club)
- Boris was Tilly's stroppy young pintaloosa horse (pintaloosa is a cross between a pinto - a patchy horse - and an appaloosa - a spotty horse) who was known for his bucking fits, but was an amazing jumper, gd dressage horse and looked flashy in the show ring due to his colour so I encouraged Tilly to keep working with him
- Bailey was Tilly's brother's young pinto who had a rearing problem; I was being paid by Tilly's rich mum to reschool him, and he turned out to be a topping jumper who didnt dare rear wiv me...problem was Tilly's bro was too nervous for a young pony like him, and he sensed it
- Odyssey House is a rehab that works via heavy disciplinary methods
- The Bridge is a rehab run by the Salvation Army, working partly on 12-step methods, partly on church philosophies
- Capri Clinic is a private rehab here where all the rich and famous go (plus various friends of mine)
- 'crack' is another NZ term for pure methamphetamine (we don't have crack cocaine) named cos of the crackling sound it makes when melted down in the pipe
- Michele was one of my ex black tar heroin dealers
- Baggsy was one of my old dealers of various drugs including opiates and P
- the Whitetails are a local ethnic gang, specialising in manufacturing P, selling hot gear and pimping; many of my friends were in this gang as it's a local one, and I cooked for them, distributed/dealed for them, helped break into pharmacies for them, and was one of their working girls
- Sandringham was the suburb I lived in at that stage; your average mostly-government-housing area, full of crime and drugs
- Joseph (Joe) was a Whitetail mate
- rally is part of being at a pony club; you turn up to rallies dressed in uniform, your horse groomed immaculately, and are given group instruction
- Switched on Gardener is a store that sells hydroponic equipment and doubles as a headshop
- StoP was a supplement that aided many people with P withdrawals; its been taken off the shelves as it's seen by the new drug minister fuckwit as 'endorsing P use'
- Alisha is my ex; we'd just broken up at this stage and were still mates, but she really wanted to be off P more than I did
- Ben was Alisha's bf at the time; secretly he hated my guts apparently

Geeze, I'm nervous but excited at the same time :D Will be tripping at home with a mate who is experienced in psychedelics so should have a good time

Been scourging through Bluelight for information on tripping and so forth, and as per usual it has helped me

Have got everything sorted out, and will post a trip report on Sunday when i will be chilling.

Wish me luck

Those of you who have my cell phone #, it will be not working until after the 20th of this month, and possibily the end of the month. I can still be reached at home, if grump answers, don;t hang up just ASK for me.

This has been a public service annoucement by me. lol.

Im doing great and feeling awesome. I am planning on being offline on all sites and services until possibily monday and only checking email twice a day (morning and night).

Hope all my friends online and offline are all well and hanging in there and being good


p.s. If anyone is volunteering in Haiti, god bless you and stay safe!

Today is Day 5 for me being clean. I feel good!

I'm very excited about my upcoming classes (I hope they aren't too hard!)

When I get my degree someday I plan to work in a rehab or perhaps a free clinic.

Who knows what the future holds? I know it will be positive as long as I stay away from the garbage.

Last night I went to bed at about 10:30 and woke up at 2:00 am. I absolutely could not get back to sleep and went to work at 11:00 am to 7:00 pm.

I am TIRED (and old)!!!!!! Shit, I used to be able to hang with little or no sleep.

Where's that fountain of youth?

Is anybody familiar with the strains Stickie Haze and Harry pot head

Today is Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 and it is now 1:41 AM here in Brooklyn, New York City.

Continuing from my previous entry...

My eldest son and I flew to Brunei, via Hong Kong. Like most Israeli-Jewish males he served a mandatory 3 years of Active Duty in the IDF. Unlike me, he is Golani (there are 4 Infantry Birgades: I) NACHAL, which is mine, II) Givati, III) K'fir and IV) Golani. A 5th brigade used as Infantry, is Tzanchanim (Paratroopers).

Golani, or Golanchiks as the soldiers in that Brigade are called are held in high regard. My 2nd son is also a Golanchik, but in a Special Forces element. Unlike my eldest, my 2nd is a pro as I was, meaning he is a career soldier (indeed it looks as though my daughter will be as well).

When men do 3 years Active Duty (4 for Navy), then get out at age 21 (usually) and have 8 to 10 months before they have to report back for their 1st round of Reserve Duty (30 to 45 days per year depending upon rank). That 8 to 10 month interval is used for soul searching and/or wild partying. We usually call it "Walkabout" in English.

In the West, you usually graduate HS at 18, then go off to university in 3 months. In Israel, at age 16 you go to a 1 week long Introductory Bootcamp called "Gasdar."Even retarded kids get to spend a bit of time and fire an M16. For so called "normal" youth, it is like a "tryout," where officers evaluate potential stock.

When you graduate, you have the summer off and then you must report for Induction, "Bakum." For 3 years the IDF owns you night and day. After those 3 years, they still own you until age 45 (was age 56 until 2007). Some who turn pro, like me, and have accumulated enough combat time (I have 4 wars) can retire at 40.

After Walkabout you begin your university. Israel has the highest per capita of university degrees of any nation in the world.

My eldest son though will not be going to university, at least not in the foreseeable future since he married while still on Active Duty. Already wit his 2nd child (my 2nd grandchild), he badly needed a good job. In a country with so much higher education it is difficult to find decent employment with just a HS education. For this reason I accompanied him to meet with an old mate of mine in Brunei.

The seas around the southern Philippines and eastern Indonesia are home to many ethnicities whose main livelihood is piracy. My mate is the CEO of 2 foreign owned companies who supply gunmen aboard ship, offering an armed escort.

He is actually based in Jakarta but we agreed to meet in Brunei's capital, Banda.

Stopping in Hong Kong we wet to my fabourite tailor, Ascot Chang. Although Chang has stores in Manhattan and London, Hong Kong is fhs flagship store. I treated my son to his 1st suit (In Israel men rarely, if ever wear suits.

In Brunei we spent 2 days seeing the very few sites and had a good meeting. My son will be heading to Aceh (Indonesia) in Feburary.

We flew back to Hong Kong where we switched to our respective flights, he to Tel Aviv and me to New York City/

Western New Year not observed by traditional Jews. I spent mine IMing to someone whom I will not discuss yet and that is the extent of my fabulous New Years' celebrations

the last time i saw my friend marc, we were in jail. he was about to start a year prison sentence. god, i wish that wasn't the last place i saw him. he was out of it. like he didn't even know me. now he's gone. 23 fucking years old. goddamnit. i fucking hope to god it wasn't his mom that walked in and found him like that. she has been thru too much with both of her sons to walk in to something like that. fuck! i love you man

I’ve not written a blog before but thought I’d give it a go, I guess I’m leaving myself wide open here, so here goes.
My mum died of cancer 12 months ago tomorrow (12th Jan 10). My two sisters and father are all going for a nice walk around town tomorrow to take their minds of the event, I have to work. To date I have never been to her grave which hurts, really hurts cos I think I want to but can’t if that makes sense. I feel frustrated, lonely and miss her so much. My profession and training keeps telling me I should practice what I preach but refuse to almost like I’m trying to punish myself.

So why am I writing this, I guess I’m looking for answers and hoping by doing this the penny will drop and I’ll find the strength to move on. Also I guess this will be something to look back on if it’s still on here this time next year, I’ll be able to see how far I’ve come.

If anyone reads this then thanks, if not, well I seem to have got it off my chest which has to be a positive thing.

I heard of this nasty shit called jenkem. ANyone knows if kids are rlly doin this shit. FAKE OR FORREAL?

...And write it on a piece of paper. and then past them around, so we would not know who did wat.

The one I drew up outta the hat, the answer to the thing that person was most scared of was, "The Future."

Well, That been me my whole life, But I think times a changin. Yea, I think I will post about my new found plan in here. Here it goes. As of May 1 I report to probation once a week for the first month, meaning that I will have to report once every two weeks probably for the month after that , meaning my ENTIRE SUMMER will not be a nice, hapy, clean time where I just pop suboxone and kpins and smoke weed to keep my mind off it. It will probably be like august or september before im on the monthly visits.

I would rather make it thru with as little dope as possible , really try for it this time, but weed is the only thing that can do this for me and keep my mind right and off the dope shit. So it aint gonna play out the way i want it.

No, It will be a DIESEL POWERED DOPESHOOTING FEST, And I plan to make the mutha fuckin BEST of it. I am gonna pump so much fucking heroin into my veins that Ima fall out every night and every morning at 9 am my mom will find me still past out on the lawn chair behind the back door with my cigarette burned out from the night before. Feelin the dew on my skin as i look around and realize the suns poppin up and the sky is light purple like DAMN that was a good nod.

Its gonna be fucking epic. Theres gonna be a whole lotta mutha fuckin time spent back in paterson up in here to, I thoroloughly plan to move back down and set my ass up right in the middle of the 4th ward where the dope is wild and free n the guns bust all night. The sun will be shinin and the diesel will be flowin, I think I will even smoke a rock or two in memory of the not-late great LiquidICE, my former partner in crime, whose bag of Chore Boy from last summer i found in my car not too long ago.

Base hits needle pricks cop spots and dope shots will be mine. The summer gonna stretch on and on and on, and when its over, and September 18th comes around and my license goes away for the next 24 months, Ima immortalize this sweet happy summer as my last one, load up the fattest 15-bagger I ever seen, and push off to the dreams thats waitin for me on the other side. The next couple months is gonna be great.

I KNOW MANY PEOPLE ARE TAKING SUBXONE 4 OPOID DEPENDENCY & HAVE GREAT TROUBLE FINDING A DOCTOR THAT ISNT TRYING TO CHARGE YOU $500 PLUS DOLLARS! i MYSELF AM TAKING THE SUBOXONE. i CALLED TONS OF DOCTORS THAT WERE CRAZIE PRICED! SO I HAVE THE NAME AND THE NUMBER TO A DOCTOR IN PHILADELPHIA,PA. THAT HAS REASONABLE PRICING. HIS NAME, TEL, AND ADDRESS IS LISTED BELOW....

Ramesh Parchuri MD
161 East Lehigh Avenue
Philadelphia, PA, 19125
Phone: (215) 423-4010

FOR THE FIRST INITIAL VISIT IS $175 AND EVERY MONTH AFTER THAT IS $100 DOLLARS. IT WELL WORT IT COMPARED TO SOME OF THESE DOCTORS THAT ARE TRYING TO GET RICH OFF OF YOUR DISEASE. HES A GOOD DOCTOR IN GENERAL!
ALOT OF PEOPLE WONT EVEN TELL YOU THEIR DOCTORS INFO. 2 HELP YOU OUT.
WELL HOPE THIS HELPS.
REMEMBER AINT NOTIN FREE IN THIS WORLD SO THIS MANS PRICING IS GOOD ENOUGH 4 ME COMPARED TO $500 AND UP.

awhile back in the news, there was a story about a mother who twittered about her son's death. she was working in the yard when her son fell into the pool. while at the hospital she sent out a tweet. she was blasted by some people for the carelessness of such an act.

the only reason i am mentioning that story is because when i found out my grandmother passed away earlier today, i sent out a tweet. i felt like telling someone, but didn't really feel like calling anyone specific. i find myself often posting stuff on BL or twitter just to get it out. half the time on this blog, i just start writing to sort out my thoughts.

So today was amazing... Have to dump 800 for school on Monday because of my procrastinating ass. No one told me it would take 4 weeks for loans to process!!

Beyond this, things have been crazy...

12/29 - Crystal Method, then the after party that lasted till 6 am.

12/30 - Kostas in Denver - pre new years bash

12/31 - Warehouse Rave in denver... Lots of craziness, mdma, whippies, furry people with pink jackets and weird wigs.

Then went to after party at a friends, didn't sleep, them our fabulous (and fucking LOUD talker friend ) Emi made her secret smashing Bloody Marys.

Them bitches were the most nutritious thing I ate (er um drank) in days!

Was drunk, again, by 11 am 1/1. Continued to party until 7 pm that night.

Then fell asleep for 3 days. LOL

In between I squeezed in school paperwork etc.

On thursday (1/7) a group of friends and I went to Club Beta. I LOVE THIS CLUB, I wish I lived in Denver so I could go every weekend!

We danced the night to some mediocre beats from Sydney Blu (she is signed on the same label as deadmau5) it was some sort of debut or something...

The crowd was weird tho, the guys were all grinding up in my shit. I do not do nasty dancing unless ur MGS. Thankfully my best guy friend Em saved the day with his majickal cock blocking skillz.

You can see pics of me before I went to the party in the lounge.

Now that my face isnt all leper looking. haha.


Here I am, getting ready for 2c-b and Avatar at the Imax.

Gotta shake this party animal before 16 credit hours in one semister.

Hells ya to burned brainz.

ciao
xox

Opana IV method has been proven effective 100% if any one is interested let me know

I'm a little late but we can start today
For Jan. 2nd thru 14th-
The new theme is
LIFE



--------------------------------------

We are low on Blog Themes-
We have two more to go on our list-
Our next theme is Photos.
Any suggestions???
Do you want to keep Blog Themes going?
Give us your opinions!!

Today, if my child had been born, would be one. (if born on his due date) ..........
While there is a part of me that wants to be sad- I am trying to remember the beauty of life, the gift that it is- I will give that gift to my child one day, when he is ready.......




The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. ~Henry David Thoreau



The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world. -Dalai Lama


He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche


The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched. ~Henry David Thoreau


The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss. ~Thomas Carlyle


There is a saying in Tibetan, “Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”
No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster. -Dalai Lama


Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. ~Bruce Crampton

like I said, there hav bn more...
and I'm looking at buying another one!
just remember, like last time:
- M=mare, G=gelding, S=stallion, F=filly, C=colt (an ungelded male/female below age 4 is a colt [ungelded male] or filly [female])
- TB=thoroughbred, SB=standardbred
- an Anglo-Arab is a cross between thoroughbred and Arab blood
- a roan is any solid colour with white flecks through the coat; an overo is a pinto (horse with patches) where the base colour is a solid colour wiv white patches on it (a sabino overo is an overo wiv a white patch on the head, one/several legs and often a patch on the stomach); fleabitten is a term for a light-grey horse wiv tiny dark flecks covering the coat

also, remember that all these horses r possibly doing diffrent things now - evrything I've stated about each horse has bn at the time I owned it

TARANTELLA (RIP) - The most gentle thoroughbred I've ever owned
Known as: Tazzie
Colour: Fleabitten grey, white mane/tail
Height: 16hh
Age: 21yrs
Sex: M
Breed: TB (Sire: BLACK SABBATH, Dam: SOUTHERN SPIRIT)
Used for: Fun-rides, breeding
Forte: Teaching people to ride
Personality: Kind, gentle, easy-going

SUNDOWN PETITE - The most complicated horse I've brought on
Known as: Peanut
Colour: Chestnut roan, stripe and sock
Height: 15hh
Age: 11yrs
Sex: M
Breed: Anglo-Arab (Sire: BROKEN ARROW [TB], Dam: MISHINDI [Arab])
Used for: Fun-rides, Pony Club, rodeo, mounted games
Forte: Barrel-racing
Personality: Spirited, irritable, sensitive, aggressive

WAIMEHA ROSEMARY - Would be a perfect horse for me now, but too much back then sadly
Known as: Rosie
Colour: Steel grey, dark grey mane/tail
Height: 15.3hh
Age: 4yrs
Sex: M
Breed: Anglo-Arab (Sire: ARGONAUT STYLE [TB], Dam: WAIMEHA CHARLOTTE [Arab])
Used for: Fun-rides, Pony Club
Forte: Dressage
Personality: Spirited, sensitive, willing, keen

BLAZE OF GLORY - I can't wait to break this little guy in
Known as: Blaze
Colour: Chestnut sabino overo pinto
Height: should reach 14.3hh
Age: 2yrs
Sex: G
Breed: PaintXKaimanawa wild horse (Sire: RIO GRANDE [Paint], Dam: KAIMANAWA CASCADE [Kaimanawa wild horse])
Used for: Training
Forte: Lunging
Personality: Shy, gentle, quiet, well-mannered

SPIRIT OF THE KAIMANAWAS - The tiniest, cheapest all-rounder I ever brought on
Known as: Spirit
Colour: Bay, stripe
Height: 12.3hh
Age: 7yrs
Sex: M
Breed: Kaimanawa wild horse (Sire/Dam)
Used for: Pony Club, showing, fun-rides, eventing, mounted games
Forte: Showing
Personality: Generous, friendly, kind, keen

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS - A gentle giant
Known as: Sponge
Colour: Chestnut, star
Height: 16.3hh
Age: 7yrs
Sex: G
Breed: TB/SB/Clydesdale (Sire/Dam)
Used for: Game-hunting, fun-riding, mustering cattle
Forte: Stockwork
Personality: Calm, aloof, obedient

JOINT VENTURE - The one and only 'stoner' horse (he actually tried to grab joints off people)
Known as: Jay
Colour: Bay
Height: 16hh
Age: 3yrs
Sex: G
Breed: TB (Sire/Dam)
Used for: Fun-riding, dressage
Forte: Dressage
Personality: Stubborn/lazy, affectionate, kind

INFINITE DREAMS - My hopes lie on this new horse
Known as: Dream
Colour: Chestnut
Height: 16hh
Age: 4yrs
Sex: M
Breed: TB (Sire: RACING IS FUN, Dam: IN THE MONEY)
Used for: Breeding
Forte: Dressage
Personality: Affectionate, calm, peaceable, stoical



NOW I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY IVE INTRODUCED ALL THE HORSES I HAVE OWNED, WHETHER I HAD THEM TO BRING ON/SELL FOR PROFIT, OR THEY WERE HORSES FOR ME TO USE FOR HIGHER LEVELS OF COMPETITION

This ones verrry old - I was a vein virgin back then...

15/2/03 (18yrs) - My Valentine
I haven't written for a few days because I couldn't be fucked. Because I've got a stink memory I'll just outline as much as I remember from these few days. I'm a bit fried as well; I'm at that point where I'm not flying and I don't feel like I'm coming down but my brain's all cobwebby and I feel quite scattered.
On Wednesday I slept all day because the rally took a bit out of me, then Harley came over.
Basically when I combine working Scooby and smoking P I'm always wasted the next day.
On Thursday I slept in for ages then went on the net, played music and hung out for P and friends.
Harley finished work late but I was happy because Matt had got a long weekend and was driving me up to Auckland to see Mum. We met Matt in the gravel pit at Karaka and shared a pipe. A couple of piggies passed which was a laugh - they didn't look twice at us, thank God, what with an ounce on Matt and his dodgy Escort unregistered. From there we picked up Alisha and cruised to the tinniehouse.
After a weekend of pretending to be straight-laced, except for smoking pot, Matt took me back down to the farm. We pretty much went straight to bed then, had sex (yay, Matt's cock was working - good old Viagra) and tried to sleep, which was pretty impossible when we had brains full of crystal.
Also, Matt has this awful line-up of alarm clocks, including one that talks with an American accent every hour and one that makes rooster noises when it's time for the milking. He's a heavy sleeper and he's quite deaf from working the machinery without ear-muffs.
So Friday was pretty blah as days go. We took Matt's hobby car - the Holden Monaro - out to his family's property in Tapu, so that Matt could score some drugs off Rio who just about lives in the cabin with Jed. Oil and more crystal meth (we are running out) - but get this: they were out of caps of oil and they'd already used all the P themselves.
We grabbed kebabs in Thames on the way, which was lucky because Adam and Kyle turned up and they produced a gram of massive shards so we smoked the shit out of that, then the boys started rambling on about their cars - diffs and carburetors and stuff that goes over my head. It's quite nice to have Christi around at times like that!
I just rarked up Axl, Jed's new pitbull pup and went out to see Matt's old lady and talk her ear off about horses - she's an Arab enthusiast like me.
After that we went back to the farm. Matt's family gave us a nice Valentine's Day gift - a Holden duvet and pillowcases for the ancient double bed. We had a bowl and started to watch TV then Yoyo started up and we realised he was hungry so it was back into Thames for dog food and shopping. The only trouble with meth is how much it fucks with your memory! Matt bought me flowers and I made love to him passionately all night - again just one Viagra seemed to counteract the P-cock. Valentine's Day is a special day for a relationship. I'm so fit from milking and riding, the night was cool, I was horny on P and Matt felt good under the fresh new blankets. Yoyo joined us, panting.
In the morning we watched cartoons, smoked through Matt's new pipe and played with Yoyo then we forced down breakfast (late of course) and cruised back up the coast. Matt's old man filled his stash tin and we planned to have a joint up on the hills going into the ranges up the back of the property. Axl and Jack kept me company while Matt and Jed talked cars, then we set off in good spirits - especially when Jed sold us a couple of grams of crystal as well - until we realised we'd left all our lighters in the Escort! We scrambled through the rough terrain pretty easily without smoking dak - the P we'd had that morning was keeping us going. We drank from clean streams coming straight out of the Coromandels and found several marijuana plants - several owned by Matt's old man, a couple owned by Matt and Jed.
Some bits on the trail had fallen away in landslides and it was gorse-covered and full of cutty grass, cave wetas and spiders. I love roughing it but I played up on my feminine side for Matt, so he could save me from the evil spiders, pull me up banks and carry me over streams. I'd worn my sandals and I slipped down a wet rock, down a bank and onto my arse where I'd already been bruised by Scooby's bucks. Matt fell down it too - we cracked up, a bit relieved we weren't stoned.
After we'd shared a pipe with Jed we cruised off, did the milking, rolled a fat joint and crashed with Yoyo in bed. Now here I am. Awake but sleepy. More meth? No, Matt's asleep. Goodnight.

NB - firstly any of these names cud b aliases
- Harley is an ex, tho at this point he and I were just close friends
- Scooby is the pony I brought on and sold in order to buy Maverick
- Matt is an ex, Harley's friend, who I lived with down the road from a tiny township, Ngatea, and got my first legal job as a farmhand; he later turned abusive and aggressive as we got more addicted to P
- Alisha is another ex, we dated a few yrs down the track; we were just close friends back then
- tinniehouses r illicit 'shops' where u buy small packages of pot wrapped in tinfoil (tinnies) and sometimes point bags of P; they're a word-of-mouth business, usually run by gangs
- Rio is Matt's old dealer
- Jed is Matt's younger brother, at the time a budding drug dealer with a P habit that made mine look tame
- Adam is Matt's mate
- Kyle is Matt's mate
- Christi was my best friend, then later my gf; were now estranged, as she cudnt handle who I became as my P use got more and more heavy
- Yoyo was Matt's tan/white pitbull
- Jack was Matt's parents' Jack Russell