1/11/10
By empty_remains
By empty_remains
I had an appointment with Why Not Prosper today, it's a really helpful shelter. There guidelines are strick as all hell though. I can over look the 30-60 days of blackout but they won't let you have any contact with men, unless they are family members and I can't do that. I'm not willing to give up keeping in touch with my friend for six months to a year. Even with all the help they are willing to offer me losing the hope of us being fixable and even speaking to him isn't worth it, most of you would prolly think i'm nuts if you knew the shit they could help me out with. Seeing him even if it's just at a meeting means the fucking world to me and that would be out of the picture if I went there.
I also had a job interview today with a well known company that pays pretty well, so i'm going to cross my fingers and hope that they take me on instead.
Blowing that place off means going back to my roommates but i'll just have to grit my teeth and have faith that everything will work out there. At least until I can get my own spot. On the bright side my mom will be happy that i'm not going to go through with staying at a shelter in philly, she had this idea that it wasn't the right thing to do and turns out even though it's for different reasons it's not the right choice for me.
On a completely different note it's only 9 days until the 20th. For anyone who is reading this and doesn't know it was a year ago on that day that my husband Sam commited suicide while I was in building 50. I got out in time for his viewing. They wanted me to recommit myself afterwards but I never went back, I couldn't take being locked in a place again not even being able to go outside. I never got a head stone for Sam since he wasn't buried and i'm waiting to spread his ashes till my daughter can be there. She already told me she wanted to be there for it so I want to respect her wishes. It would be nice if I could spend time with her on that day, I don't know how she's going to handle it or if my half sister will even tell her. Maybe it's be for the best if she doesn't have to think about it. Even if she doesn't know it would still help me greatly to be with her.
I'm giving it to my higher power and i'm sure he'll lead me in the right direction, he always has before.
To qoute a song, it's a long hard road out of hell. And I fear i'm only starting my trip..