Blogs

1-25: to sum it up quickly. I am a hypocrite, I am a loser, and I fall in love way too easily and end up getting hurt. I love 4 people; one is dead and one hates me and one was a childhood love that I lost touch with and the last is my old friend. I shall forever be an outcast and a fuck up.

There summed it up. $:\$

Mar 20, 2010

ONCOR

Step 1: Unmanageability, Question 8

responsibility - the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something
(source: MAC OS X Dictionary Application)

Do I accept responsibility for my life and my actions?
Am I able to carry out my daily responsibilities without becoming overwhelmed?
How has this affected my life?

03/19/10 10:07 AM

Today, for the most part... yes I do accept responsibility for where I am in my life today. Concerning my actions, I try to the best of my ability to recognize whether my actions are actually reactions to other’s words or actions. Regardless, I need to be accountable for EVERYTHING I do regardless of the reasoning behind my behavior.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I do become overwhelmed with daily responsibilities. I need to do something about this soon because if I become stressed when I’m currently unemployed, what will happen when I get a job?

Becoming overwhelmed causes be to go into ‘shut-down’ mode. I isolate and simply continue the day in a manner of inaction. I will do mindless things on the computer, sleep or just simply do nothing at all. This is NOT a productive or healthy state for me

Mar 20, 2010

OverDone

the 25 things theme

i am going to try expand on my last post, about things that would be useful for my friends to know about me. AKA why i am difficult to befriend

1. i suck at staying in touch with people.
2. i go thru cycles where i have no desire for human contact beyond what is needed for work
3. i avoid talking on the phone
4. i can't stand people who are wrong and will correct you if you are
5. i love to argue and will play devil's advocate for fun
6. i often find being social exhausting
7. yet, i am usually the one inviting friends out to do stuff
8. i am much more open online
9. in groups where i don't know people, i like to shock people with random facts as opposed to small talk
10. when i stare at things, certain friends will bring that item to me

11. i suck at following most social mores
12. i have a good memory and remember mundane details (unless i am super drunk)
13. i get very annoyed when people lie and exaggerate about events
14. i tell my best friends that i hate them more often than i tell them i love them

since i stopped at 14, here is my post from facebook last may (with bolded updates/corrections):

1. i used to carry around a scrabble board and scrabble dictionary in my car. lexulous has now somewhat replaced my urge to play in person, along with the fact that i have no car. i have a car now, but still do not carry around scrabble

2. playing word games has given me a large vocabulary. when i write papers for school, i like to include bizarre words to see if professors notice.

3. i am an incredibly picky eater but i am willing to bet i have tried more random foods than most people. i try most anything a few times before declaring that i don't like it.

4. i prefer salty over sweet. in fact, i have been known to eat pretzel salt instead of the actual pretzel. and i like my dark chocolate with salt crystals in it.

5. i like to procrastinate. its rare that i do assignments in advance. yet i still get really good grades.

6. i hate talking on the phone and calling people. i used to hate calling businesses too, but i can do that now. i still won't call people i don't know well even if it causes great inconvenience to me.

7. i am really shy around people i don't know. i have a bad habit of talking thru other people; i will say something to person A with hopes that person B will hear and enter the conversation.

8. the only tv i watch regularly includess jeopardy, good eats, top chef, iron chef and football. there are a few other shows, but its pretty much the same shows still

9. i am a huge steelers fan thanks to james. several years of making me watch football has paid off.

10. i am insanely brand loyal when it comes to food. i would rather not eat than consume something from a brand i don't like. i guess this goes back to me being picky.

11. i refused to watch ghostbusters growing up because the secretary has the same name as me. i still have not seen any of the movies in the entirety.

12. i love the smell of new plastic toys.

13. i love to travel. i wish i had a job where i made enough money and enough flexibility to travel when ever i want to.

14. i am a beer snob who drinks coors light. i would go broke rather quickly if i kept drinking microbrews that i like. the dogfish head 120 is $9.50 a bottle

15. i am stubborn. if it comes down to doing what i want, or what someone else wants, i don't understand why i should be the one to concede. i also don't understand the idea of not playing games to win.

16. i declared i was moving cross country because i was bored in ohio. i moved here with no job and no plan, but everything seems to be working out fine. i have a job, a place to live with my two best friends, am in grad school and making new friends i am back in ohio but still thrilled that i moved to seattle

17. i don't wear my engagement ring to work because i hate getting it all dirty. and because over thanksgiving the diamond fell out and i had to have it reset. i still don't wear it. but i never take off my wedding ring. the only time i did i wanted to see if i could fit it around my tongue.

18. i can't sleep if i don't have pajamas on. and i prefer to have my eye pillow and teddy bear and pillow and blanket too. and there needs to be some sort of ambient noise in the background.

19. the first car i drove was filled with little furbies from mcdonalds. someone kept leaving them on my hood every morning junior year. i still don't know where they came from.

20. i prefer the aisle seats on flights so i can get off the plane faster.

21. i hate crowds of people that just stand around and have no purpose. i dislike waiting in lines and most other things associated with large masses of people.

22. while i may bitch about my job, i do love what i do. spending all day playing with little kids beats an office job any day. even if the bureaucraticness annoys me.

23. i swear, a lot. its pretty amazing that i have typed this much with out saying fuck.

24. people say i have some sort of accent and lots of people assume i am foreign when they meet me. other than sounding like i am from the midwest, i don't think i talk funny.

25. football manager doesn't amuse me

Mar 20, 2010

_a_A_C_c_

Blog Theme: 25 Randoms

1 - I eat quinoa every morning (was turned on to it in the HL thread)
2 - I am extremely anti-racist (no longer violently so)
3 - I've never been bitten by a dog
4 - Spent 40 days in England, Ireland and Scotland
5 - I have a HUGE crush on Macy Gray
6 - It has taken me 21 years to acquire 32 college credits
7 - I have three tattoos
8 - If coffee was a woman, I would marry it
9 - I LOVE office supplies
10 - I have more shoes than most of my female friends
11 - I hate the sight of unpolished Doc Martens/Solovairs
12 - I typically stutter, drop something or trip when talking to a girl I may like
13 - I used to be able to write fluently with Nordic runes (Elder Futhark)
14 - I would like to wear a shirt that says 'Satan Loves You' to a catholic mass before I die
15 - I can do an impressive Marvin the Martian impersonation
16 - I can relate to Dave's struggle in coming up with 25 Random Facts
17 - Each one of my dogs MANY toys has a specific descriptive name
18 - I only pick up my mail every other week
19 - I have many watches but never wear them
20 - My favorite name brand is Burberry
21 - I came in fourth place in our 6th grade spelling bee (I misspelled 'proprietor') <---I also misspelled 'misspelled)
22 - I hold resentments for years (working on that one)
23 - When I brush my dog, I take the hair outside and throw it on the grass so the birds can use it for nests
24 - When I was little I pretended to be in KISS and played air guitar while smacking a plastic bottle of baby powder in order to replicate smoke
25 - 'Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made' never ceases to make me smile

Mar 20, 2010

spork

unicorn related

Mar 19, 2010

Sweet P

One of those days

I really don't wanna be sober today. I'm on a bad meth comedown; feeling drained, gloomy, and all emotional - like I could burst into tears at any moment. I'd score some more, but my main guy has mysteriously gone AWOL and my other contacts are all bikers who'd probably pressure me into sex (which I'm NOT in the mood for today) or some shady "mission". So fuck it, I'm gonna get drunk. I've just arrived home from the bottle store with a six-pack of beer and a bottle of cider. $:\$

Mar 19, 2010

Sweet P

25 Random Facts about Me- suggested by the beautiful animal_cookie

I'm not sure but I think you just choose 25 random facts, right? Well- Here we go:

1) I dye my hair
2) I like to read
3) I study astrology
4) I have 2 tattoos
5) I make a damn good Jager Schnitzel
6) I dream of going to Ireland and Scotland
7) I am really into genealogy
8 ) I am a hermit
9) I obsess over names for possible future children and could have 20 kids each with 3 names

10) I have about 20 something states to see before I die to have seen them all
11) I was born in Jersey

12) I am Irish/Italian/German/Lithuanian but have dropped the temper that was passed down
13) I believe I have been reincarnated MANY times
14) I am afraid of cars and mice (and recently found evidence of mice in my car!!!!!!I seriously went coo-coo for a day or two and now have my car and mice fear combined and aggravated)
15) I'm trying to earn extra money doing Astrology charts for people
16) I love nature and consider it sacred
17) Bigotry, Ignorance and Hypocrites infuriate me
19) I love Orbit Gum (Sweetmint and Wintermint)
20) I do not like Green tea
21) I wear mostly green, blues, black and purple and my house is done in mostly those colors (except I am trying to change my kitchen to include red)
22) I think the Ocean is the Goddess
23) I have a high opinion of The Dalai Lama and Buddhism but am not a Buddhist
24) I have a love of socks
25) I don't do drugs besides prescribed anymore

Mar 19, 2010

ocean

M

Withdrawal

I'm addicted to poppy pods. I've been putting off quitting for as long as possible, but now is the time. I have a sore throat so I decided that now is the time to go cold turkey and get it over with.

If I ever go back to using, which I probably will, it'll be on a strict schedule of no more than once a week. I really don't have any desire to stop using poppy tea, but it's causing me more pain than enjoyment now. I barely get high anymore, all it really does is give mild pain relief, sound sleep and a relief from withdrawal. At this point the withdrawals aren't severe: chills, fatigue, yawning, insomnia. It sure as hell isn't fun though; I can't remember the last time I went more than three days in between doses. I don't know how severe the withdrawals will get because I've never made it past day three.

Today was day one. My last time using was last night. No withdrawal symptoms yet. Tomorrow is when it starts. I really hope it starts subsiding after day three. I have to be sure not to let my brain convince me to use again after a few days. It's pretty easy to rationalize stupid decisions when you're in withdrawal.

If I can keep the use at once per week in the future, tolerance and physical dependence won't be big issues. I can't imagine life completely free of opiates, but using poppy tea more than once a week has clearly made my life worse. Keeping the use at once per week will be difficult but doable.

Mar 19, 2010

mushroompizza

M

Step 1: Unmanageability, Question 7

Do I consider the needs of others? What effect has my lack of consideration had on my relationships?

03/18/10 9:41 AM

I think I can honestly say that I consider the needs of others more than most people I encounter in my day-to-day. I am a rather compassionate and empathetic person but lately I have been a little down because of other people’s pain. Mostly, imagining what someone is going through is what is most painful for the simple fact that I think of worst case scenarios that are most likely unrealistic.

Lack of consideration is essentially self-centeredness/selfishness. I can be very analytical and typically consider as many variables in a situation concerning interactions with people in order to eliminate confusion, misunderstanding and unnecessary hassle/aggravation.

I was VERY inconsiderate (to say the least) in my addiction. I didn’t consider ANY of the known consequences, ANY effect on the people in my life my using had, or anything beyond the need to get high.

Mar 19, 2010

OverDone

B

I can't believe what I am gonna do to get a good fix.

I am about to drive 6hrs!!! So I can get something worth while. I'm @ work the whole time shop is open here. What a joke! Every time I have found something it's been crap. So here I go driving, crazy...

Mar 19, 2010

Sweet P

Step 1: Unmanageability, Question 6

Do I insist on having my own way? What effect has my insistence had on my relationships?

03/17/10 11:55 AM

Tough question. I wish it was worded differently. Anyway, sometimes I strongly assert my opinions or suggestions because of the belief that things often come to logical/linear conclusions. If negative, less troublesome conclusions can be had than I typically assert my will to avoid the aforementioned hassles.

My ‘insistence’ has had the following effects on relationships:

Resentment

‘I told you so’ attitudes

Perceived pomposity

Estrangement

Regret

Pain

Anger

Mar 18, 2010

OverDone

Time for a new theme already?

Why yes, yes it is. But first, I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to the Find Me An Avatar theme. The contributions will be listed in the next few replies as vBB's Blogs module won't allow any more than 4 images per post, even if they're little bitty avatar images.

Since I just love polls, I'll let majority rule. Whichever avatar gets the most votes by Wednesday evening when I get back from the gym (probably 7:30-8ish, MDT) will be adopted as my avatar for at least the next two weeks. If I still dig it after that time, I'll adopt it permanently.

Personally, I'm keen on Dr. Z and the 'Think then Post' avatar courtesy of Mr. Done. But I'll leave the choice up to you all. Usual voting rules apply, bla bla bla.

For the upcoming theme, ocean and I were chatting and we thought that the whole interactive theme trend that we've been doing for the past little while has been fun. So we've decided to do an extension on animal_cookie's 'Four Truths and a Lie' theme and go with Surveys as a theme.

Got a survey? Pass it on. The only rule here is that you have to fill out the survey yourself first if you expect anyone else to fill it out.

As always, feel free to let ocean or I know about any themes you'd like to see. We have a list going, but don't have assigned dates as of yet. In the pipeline:

Rebirth/renewal
Short Stories
Poems
Traditions
Emotions

Thanks, and happy Blogging!

Mar 18, 2010

Mariposa

My pleas

Had an interesting morning in court. While I was waiting to be called, some guy offered to share a joint with me, so we sneaked off to have a chat and a smoke. Then when I returned to the waiting area outside the courtroom, feeling kinda stoned, I saw one of my meth dealers sitting there! Obviously he'd been busted for something. Anyway, I thought my lawyer had entered "no pleas" during my last appearance, but apparently he just asked for the hearing to be postponed. So today I entered my pleas...

Possession of a Class A drug (methamphetamine): "Guilty."

Possession of a drug utensil: "Guilty."

Driving under the influence: "Guilty."

Dangerous driving: "Not guilty."

I'm gonna fight the dangerous driving charge, cos I wasn't intentionally driving dangerously! I had a seizure behind the wheel which caused me to crash my car. Luckily I managed to get hold of the hospital records to confirm this. I'll be appearing for sentencing in another month.

Mar 17, 2010

Sweet P

dammit

well once again indecisiveness has been my achille's heel of sorts. i know it pisses people off, it pisses me off still cant face decisions. i get that terrible pain in my stomach as my anxiety grows because even though i know what i want on a pizza i cant spit it out. everyone gets so mad when i just freeze like that. all i can do is look down and say "i dont know" like a milion times. sometimes i wish there were two of me so i could kick the shit outta myself.
its like i can only be decisive on hallucinogens, and alot of times im a dick cuz thats the only time i tell people how its goin down instead of vice versa. one of these days im gonna become a hermit or join the militia or sumtn.
doesnt that seem dreamy living in the woods miles away from roads and towns with nothing but a psychadelic garden to keep me company. ahhh bliss

A man can dream.

Mar 16, 2010

jmsopi

cant untangle this ball

arghhh.... another sleepless night kept up by a feeling indescribable. its like ive come to accept my own mortality and actually have a fear of death. its strange but i think that is what is going to kill me. ive always said if you had this life figured out already you would probably die. at least thats how its been for all my friends who died too early. now i am nearly face to face with my fear and i cant rationalize it away. its like im not actually scared of death i just cant stand to see everything ending. and for now it seems my life is getting back on track. this is a vary bad sign as all the times before exactly when i get situated and start to progress something disastrous happens. i might just be paranoid but this nostalgia wont go away and i cant rest my head. need hallucinogens to help my perspective of things for now i wait.

Mar 16, 2010

jmsopi

S

My monkey

What I make is what I am
I can't be forever........

We are our own wicked gods, with little g's and big dicks; sadistic, constantly inflicting a slow demise

"my monkey by Marilyn Manson" $:\$

Mar 16, 2010

shadowofdoubts

S

ringing noise in my ears and pine trees in my mind smiling - - - -

ok. im a fun loving guy and find strange situations like this weekend. i have a ringing sensation in my ears and am spun from driving four hours from nashville to memphis. chemical balance in my body was pretty perfect this weekend, even gave me a nice cannabis tolerance break and cross tolerance break as well. took some subhole material xtals and had some awesome body vibes and blue and yellow vision as I was listening to some dub-ish borderline (psy)trance electronic stuff for a few hours, experienceing a nice solo trip with others totally unaware is fun(phun). outside the venue peaking talking to a random guy from lexington maybe. talked about some various tryptamines and stuff to people but no one was into the psytrance scene

other than me, i was downing my hand twisting and freakin people out, laughing about it and doing funky dancing is another thing i can dig now. i used to be so afraid of dancing.

thanks for reading computer. waterphalls for the win and bluelight blog rambling aswell.

Mar 16, 2010

strangedays_indeed

Sunshine may change it

I've been super super down lately.....well, up and down. Lots of personal issues but I'm hoping today will be different......
Its going to be partly sunny- I downloaded some music, maybe it'll get me up and about......Open my blinds, listen to music and clean.....
Its funny because one of my things with my therapist a few weeks ago was that I never admit when I'm down, I tell sad stories with a smile and don't give myself enough time to be depressed if I need it (b/c I will deny it!)-
After that session I just became so down.
I felt weak for being like my mother and denying......
I realized I was burying a lot of sadness and disappointment and loss.....
So here I am - catchin' up on sad days-
Hopefully today will be different.

Mar 16, 2010

Dave

S

jwh 018 mg scale need tips!

Hello, swim has been having alot of bad b.o. days of late so in order to compensate swim ordered alot of different herbal incense. Well swim finally wised up and ordered the raw "scent" 1g of 18 and 1g 0f 73 , no swim did not have mg scales so swim eye balled and tripped out. Swim has good mg scales now and needs to hear how to tranfer swim's scent powder from baggie to mg scale to vehicle of choice (VOC) without makin a huge mess and waste! Swim currently puts a altered straw on scale , tares, then swim dips and weighs, once weighed out , swim grabs VOC and goes at it. But their has to be a better way! Swim needs SWIY's help!

Mar 16, 2010

Dave

Quick Fix

I've been dwelling on 'quick fixes' lately. I'm realizing that they never really satisfied and the temporary nature simply leaves me feeling empty and not worthwhile.

My ex-girlfriend 'M' is back in my life (I've blogged about her extensively). Her father had passed away recently and she caught her boyfriend attempting to cheat on her. We began talking and started sleeping together again.

Neither one of us is looking to start the relationship back up again and we both realize that what we are doing is only temporary.

I dunno, the sex is amazing and I am aware that this is primarily a physical thing that we are involved in but I still get these feelings of inadequacy. I KNOW that we are not meant to be together. She is no longer what I'm looking for and I am definitely NOT what she is seeking. But still... ...it sucks knowing that.

I know I'm a good dude and I have qualities that are worthy but...

Fuck, I guess I still have a lot of anger and resentment towards her and I'm certain that she has the same thing going on concerning me.

I guess the point is, these quick fixes are just like the drugs. Feels great at the time but there is always that shitty feeling afterwards.

Maybe its the weather and the fact that I have been procrastinating with some things lately that is making me feel all BLAH! inside.

Blah!

Mar 16, 2010

Dave

J

can any one help me?

if any one reads this,feel free to reply as long as is relevant to the subject.....i need help...can any body tell me where can i buy some SALVINORIN A CRYSTALS??? i dont understand how all this botanical shops sell salvia extract n liquid salvia but dont sell the cristals(personaly i think they'r a bunch of pussys)is not like is illegal any ways, at least i know that is not any more illigal than salvia is!. and yes...i know i could extract it my self but is too much bull shit to do it. buying the necesary quimicals to do it is practicly impossible,and if any one is familiar with this u'll know what im talking about. so if any body knows some thing or where to get it from,just hit me up baby!>>>>the sooner the better

Mar 15, 2010

swimswiyswi

S

Step 1: Unmanageability, Question 5

What trouble have I had with my friends as a result of my addiction?

03/15/10 3:20 PM

My real friends stopped hanging out with me because I was caught up in chasing after what I needed. They had their reasons and I can’t blame them.

In the heart of my addiction, I never really spent time with friends or associates because I was too busy ‘getting, using and finding ways and means to get more’. I preferred to get high by myself because of my mannerisms when high as well as I HATED when people dope-fiended me for my shit.

03/16/10 10:21 PM

Well, this sucks. I almost forgot one of the most significant instances: (copied from a Blog entry)

End of the beginning? 12-05-2009 19:42

So, I picked up again.

I was feeling good and felt like 'one more time'. I have a lot of experience that tells me that there is no such thing as a last time.

A couple of days into my stupid decision, I was shooting coke and was rather paranoid. My girlfriend called and texted me a bunch of times and I didn't reply (I was fucked up).

I had both locks on the door as well as the chain. I had done a nice shot of the last of my shit and was sitting on the floor of my bedroom leaning against the bed. The lights were off in my room. I had the closet light on with the door slightly open to allow a bit of light into the room.

I heard someone at the door. My girl came over and was able to reach her hand inside the door and undo the chain.

I knew what was coming when I heard the steps creek that led upstairs. I startled her when she got to the bedroom door. The light from the closet was angled directly where I was sitting on the floor. I was sweaty, shaky and my heart was pounding.

I told her I fucked up and that I was shootin' coke. She was devastated. I lied and hurt her. The deceit is what is most hurtful, I believe. I lied to her and we were doing so well.

The next day when I was at work, 'M' came to my house and found my needles, spoons, empty bags, weed pipe, plastic weed containers and, worst of all, bloody paper towels. She also saw blood droplets on the kitchen floor.

She came to my work and confronted me. I made her cry from this bullshit decision. She was furious, hurt, deceived and betrayed. I never wanted to hurt her. I wanted to use a little and then stop. Just keep it my own little secret. She is the one person that I feel comfortable and safe telling my secrets to. I'm an asshole. I hurt her.

I will be in a rehab facility in (hopefully) a week. My insurance doesn't cover behavioral health so in order to get funding for treatment I need to get a letter from my insurance company stating that this isn't covered. Once I have that, I need to go to the Welfare Office and get a rejection letter. THEN I can call this place that will give a one-on-one assesment and hopefully pay for the Rehab up the street from me.

I may have destroyed the best thing that could ever happen to me.

The next two pages have two notes that she left on my bed among all my drug paraphernalia:

Mar 15, 2010

OverDone

Step 1: Unmanageability, Question 4

What trouble have I had with my family as a result of my addiction?

03/15/10 3:11 PM

Off the top of my head I can think of a few things:

Emotional distance

Financial strain

Emotional strain

Disappointment

Shame

Inability to be there when needed

For some reason I don’t want to answer further and I don’t really feel like trying to figure out why.

Mar 15, 2010

OverDone

B

Off early from work...

Like I really need another excuse...

But I am enjoying my day a little more than most mondays. How is the day treating you so far?

Mar 15, 2010

bmore$finest

B

rare moment of clarity

I've been the one since last year, when you decided to end what was our semi-open-relationship, to always initiate contact, and initiate meeting up, and thus keeping our friendship (whatever friendship was left) alive. In the past 6 months or so I have always been the one to suggest meeting up, suggest hanging out, suggest going to events, suggest spending time together, pushing, asking when you're free, when he's busy, pushing and chasing.

Lately its gotten to a point where it hurts me to think of asking you if you're free and want to do something, expecting to be shot down because you're busy with your boyfriend. Every time I text you to see if you're busy, every time I chat to you to see what you're up to, every time I suggest that we should hang out, do something, I put myself out on the line, prepared to be hurt, I wait here, waiting to be shot down, denied over the fact that I'm no longer your priority. And every time that you reply with that you're busy with him, I am reminded again about what I've lost with you and how things have changed.

I can't always wait here for you, wait for you to be free and constantly push even just to keep our platonic friendship alive. I can't always be the one to initiate contact even as friends, to organise to catch up, to still be a part of each others lives. There has to be something from your end, or else its just me disrespecting myself again and again over someone who doesn't care about me or our friendship.

It confuses me at times when you agree to seeing me and spending time with me (sometimes inappropriate amounts of time with me) as to whether you wanted us to be friends or not. On one hand you never initiate anything - which says to me you didn't want to be friends. And on the other hand when you do agree to seeing me when I chase - it makes me think that you do want to be friends. I think its time that if you really do want to still be in each others lives, it has to be equal.

Despite my romantic feelings for you, I still greatly value our platonic friendship. I have many 'friends' who I don't share half of what I still share with you despite what has happened in the past. Perhaps you feel the same. It can't be one sided though, and as much as I value our platonic friendship, because its so one sided, I lose a little self respect every time I put myself out there with you.

There has got to be limits, and I can't always be the one chasing, pushing, putting myself out there all the time, wearing my already shattered heart on my sleeve.

If you don't want this to work, if you don't want to be part of my life anymore and if you don't want me to be part of yours, then continue doing what you've been doing, and keep on never getting in touch, and keep on not seeing me. Perhaps have the decency to let me know as well, so I'm not left dangling on your hook.

Like I am sure you know, I care deeply about you and will never forget the bond we once shared and the friendship we once had.

I'm not sure where to go from here, I'll always be friendly if I see you, and I'm sure we'll always still be able to get along and have fun if by chance we happen to meet through mutual friends etc.

If you decide you want to be friends again, and you're willing to make the effort from your side of things as well, as well as face the reality behind making the effort to contact me, and what that means to you, and your relationship as well, then please get in touch with me, I'm never far and we can always work something out. Until then I think I need to gather up the scattered pieces of my broken heart and self respect and slowly put them back together again. How can you ever respect me if I don't respect myself?

Mar 15, 2010

versd