fuck knows why as i grew out of the stupid arse things fucking years ago....self help books indeed, how the fuck does paying for a book that tells you all the things you should be doing but can't for whatever reason 'put into place right' ...imo they'd just make me feel even more of a damn failure for not being able to help myself even with a magic book that gives me all the answers!!!
i guess i'm thinking it'll make a change from searching for prescription drugs online
the title is 'the subtle art of not giving a F*ck'.....it has lots of good reviews.....and i'm thinking that when i see the psychiatrist i can tell him all the things i'm trying yet.....ultimately failing with....'hey i even bought this book!!'.....so he'll then be there with the prescription pad
like fuck he will
so the whole 'expecting things to change' isn't changing things....having my Mum barging round almost everyday is making things worse....christmas is round the corner and i feel i have to make sure its magical for my daughter despite it being my least fave time of year....actually i pretty much hate summer too.....never used to but i do now....reason being there is no longer the reason of 'bad weather' to stay indoors.
my dad phoned last night, told him about my friend stuck in Belgium.....yep her situation is pretty fucked....my dad asked whether she had any qualifications so i popped onto FB to quickly ask....i left the question on messenger then when it was apparent she wasn't online my other 'friend' popped up....this is the 'friend' who i would speak to alot on the phone....we both considered each other 'friend friends'....then when i was going through the whole tribunal thing with my benefits etc my mental health plummetted to the squalor i am today and i ceased contact...one reason i don't go on FB......except to make imaginary cults......i feel really bad but i just clicked off FB....i should have said 'hi'....after all i'm communicating with a girl in Belgium who i'll never meet, who thinks i am her saviour when i can't even save my fucking self....i mean where exactly do i see this communication going??....i'm hardly going to come up with any magical solution to the poor girl and i'm ignoring the one person who is my 'friend friend'.......oh shit it all to hell
thanks for your words save...i'm gonna pop over and read your blog as it happens
so my day shall be another 'same same but different' and i imagine i'll have my Mum barging round some time mid-morning....oh i do hope she decides to do that 2mo....need a day of rest...we went to Tesco yesterday...bought lots of different cheeses which i plan to freeze....they were on 'special offer'
i guess i'm thinking it'll make a change from searching for prescription drugs online
the title is 'the subtle art of not giving a F*ck'.....it has lots of good reviews.....and i'm thinking that when i see the psychiatrist i can tell him all the things i'm trying yet.....ultimately failing with....'hey i even bought this book!!'.....so he'll then be there with the prescription pad
like fuck he will
so the whole 'expecting things to change' isn't changing things....having my Mum barging round almost everyday is making things worse....christmas is round the corner and i feel i have to make sure its magical for my daughter despite it being my least fave time of year....actually i pretty much hate summer too.....never used to but i do now....reason being there is no longer the reason of 'bad weather' to stay indoors.
my dad phoned last night, told him about my friend stuck in Belgium.....yep her situation is pretty fucked....my dad asked whether she had any qualifications so i popped onto FB to quickly ask....i left the question on messenger then when it was apparent she wasn't online my other 'friend' popped up....this is the 'friend' who i would speak to alot on the phone....we both considered each other 'friend friends'....then when i was going through the whole tribunal thing with my benefits etc my mental health plummetted to the squalor i am today and i ceased contact...one reason i don't go on FB......except to make imaginary cults......i feel really bad but i just clicked off FB....i should have said 'hi'....after all i'm communicating with a girl in Belgium who i'll never meet, who thinks i am her saviour when i can't even save my fucking self....i mean where exactly do i see this communication going??....i'm hardly going to come up with any magical solution to the poor girl and i'm ignoring the one person who is my 'friend friend'.......oh shit it all to hell
thanks for your words save...i'm gonna pop over and read your blog as it happens
so my day shall be another 'same same but different' and i imagine i'll have my Mum barging round some time mid-morning....oh i do hope she decides to do that 2mo....need a day of rest...we went to Tesco yesterday...bought lots of different cheeses which i plan to freeze....they were on 'special offer'
