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Brief intro for Bluelighters: This is a concept I have been working on mostly since the age of about 7 years old. These are the results posted here on Bluelight mostly because of its obscurity (and the potential destructive repercussions) as well as the open minded nature and intellectual capabilities of many of its members.

If your going to trash it do it here otherwise if you want to talk more about the concept feel free to grab my email from my profile or contact me on any of the IM services provided.



Universal Algorithm


Forward by Author:


First off I would like to state that this article, findings, what have you was written for the sole intent of the advancement of the human race. Anyone who seeks to use this article to make a profit and at the accountability of themselves from a moral standpoint or abuse this information in anyway will suffer a cruel and unusual fate I assure you.

With that being stated I would like to say this will probably be my greatest contribution to civilization or mankind in general to date and possibly; although it is much more pleasant to think not, for the future as well. Keep in mind this is amongst a lifetime of high achievements including becoming a chess master by age 6, consistent aptitude scores of 95% and above, the highest IQ ever recorded (believe it or not) , becoming a member of the CIA and doing hits for the secret service, as well as identifying rare and unusual artifacts. Approach this information with caution as it is highly volatile and elementary.

With that being said I feel as though it is a highly interesting theory and may make the future wave of cosmic {and time} travel possible. Enjoy


Introduction:


Before we can begin discussing the algorithm and its future uses there are a few concepts that must be mastered in order to gain the full potential from the algorithm (or any potential at all really). The first and obviously (as you will see) most important is that of infinity. In the bible God is described in Genesis as having created the heaven and earth at the beginning of recorded (read: biblical) time. However god is also have said to have always existed and always will exist. Some may find this to be a glaring double negative because how can something always exist and always will. Everything must have a beginning right? Wrong.

The universe in a theoretical way has always existed although its recorded existence can be traced back to a single point. The big bang if you will. Now the main way to grasp the concept of infinity; especially in relation to the existence of an all-powerful spirit, is to simply accept it as a fact. Infinite qualities do exist (the very never ending expansion of the universe itself is a frank example to this fact) and it is essential for future advancement that we accept the concept of infinity in the same connotation as we accept the concept of gravity (or for those mathematically inclined as the variable X). If we do this true comprehension of the universal algorithm will be possible.
The Universe:

Now that we have the concept of infinity down, we can begin to understand the mathematical qualities upon which the universe operates and more specifically the blueprint for galactic travel the universal algorithm provides. First let us begin this description of the universe with a 360 degree circle. Visualize this circle inside of your mind. Now imagine that that very circle is expanding infinitely in all directions. So in other words the circle is going from o to O to O and so on getting larger and larger at infinite speed. The infinite speed upon which the universe expands is accounted for in the universal algorithm however it is not going to be described in detail in these findings. This is mostly because without proper mechanical and technological capabilities that speed will never be realized and the comprehension of an, as of yet, uncalculated factor will only detract from an already intellectually taxing and novel concept.

Now that you understand a 360 circle expanding at infinite speed in all directions take the visualization a step further by now visualizing a sphere. For example visualize the planet earth but to keep it simple don’t worry about continents or colors, just an all-white sphere suspended in your mind. Now imagine that sphere getting infinitely larger at the same speed of the 360 degree circle. So just to recap you know have a sphere (similar to a planet but not as concrete) getting infinitely larger at infinite speed. Congratulations you are one concept away from having the knowledge required to decode the universal algorithm.

Here is where it gets interesting. Inside of the sphere (which is simply a visualization or metaphor for the universe itself) you have what are known as worm holes. These wormholes are created constantly (we WILL NOT go into as how or with what materials) and randomly at specific points in the ever expanding universe. So if the sphere keeps expanding ad infinitum and the wormholes are randomly created on a constant basis within that sphere (given that the space available for the wormholes is infinitely increasing) then the mathematical value of those wormholes can be described as infinity. You are one small step away from having all you require to decode the universal algorithm.
Now all wormholes have a similar and interesting quality. An X factor if you will. The wormhole x factor is every wormhole has an identically yet reversed universe with in it (or to put it more accurately accessible to it). Imagine yourself looking in the mirror. Now everything you see in that mirror is identical to what you are, just the reverse. This is the wormhole dimension concept.
Now the applications of these reverse universes (or dimensions) are interesting. Given the proper technological capabilities you could travel through that worm hole through a finite point and travel either back or forward through time in the universe depicted within the wormhole you currently reside in. For visual effect imagine this being the wormhole:

Universe A~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|Finite Point|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Universe A reversed.

The finite point is the exact point where the time line (in the diagram represented by the ~ symbols) between universe A and its reversed twin ends. If you have the technological capabilities to traverse this worm hole you can travel anywhere from the begging of time within universe A (represented by the first ~ symbol after the words universe A) to the beginning of time of the Universe A’s reversed twin (represented by the ~ symbol very before the words Universe A reversed). The ~ symbols closest to and on both sides of the words |Finite Point| represent the present point within the timeline.


Algorithm:


Now that we have the knowledge structure and base to understand the algorithm description of the actual algorithm will begin. Now keep in mind it is a mathematical equation which factors in every variable that has and will take place (past, present, or future) within the universe. The algorithm itself is this: infinity to the infinite power multiplied by infinity. The first infinity accounts for the 360 degree circle we first visualized at the beginning of the universe section. The infinite power of that infinity is what allows that infinitely expanding 360 degree circle to become an infinitely expanding sphere. Now multiplying those factors by infinity is what accounts for all past, present and future wormholes (in which reside an infinite number of universes or on a singular level a reversed universe each). So once again the actual universal algorithm is as follows: infinity to the infinite power multiplied by infinity. This accounts for all events (planet and star creation, wars, planet and star destruction, etc…) that will ever occur within the universe.


Conclusion:


So as a conclusion point I’m going to point out the possible applications of the universal algorithm given the technical capabilities such actions would require. As a natural born killer myself I think the first one (and quite possibly most interesting) would be the destructive power of this algorithm as well as the future capabilities as far as traveling to distant planets and battling mutated versions of the human gene as well as evolved versions of ancient and extinct species. The greatest power of the universal algorithm lies here in within this train of thought: if an item or entity can be measured that item with enough power can be destroyed. Within the universe lies enough power to completely annihilate itself much similar as to how planet earth contains enough power (read nuclear detonation) to completely destroy all existence within it.

That is a grim proposition for a mathematical equation that will no doubt play a major role in the future development of our civilization as well as species. Another and more pleasant application is the expansion possibilities for an eternally surviving social structure. There will always be new and uncharted territories to pursue and conquer and infinitesimal battles and challenges that lie therein. Keep in mind the wormhole factor and there will be even more dimensions for human beings to explore, conquer, and master. Imagine walking around Venus with a supremely intelligent, and accurately designed, jet pack space suit and you have tripping balls in a nut shell. Multi colored gas surrounds your entire body and causes the oxygen inside of you to mutate into an atmospheric discharge which intoxicates your very being. Now imagine that pleasure multiplied by infinity and you have the discovered the power and pleasure of the Universal Algorithm.

DISTRIBUTE AT YOUR OWN RISK

Have a nice day!

OK. Well, my kick is well under way. I'm going into day 4 with no suboxone (I did have alitle oxycodone my first day, but none since) . It's actually been very mild compared to past kicks. I even slept thru the night last night. Took a bit of pharmaceutics,(no opiates), but still pretty awesome. Usually takes me like 5 or 6 take to get any sleep. And even then, it's short and intermittent.

This time I actually stuck to my tapering schedule, managed to do just the one suboxone after that, then stop. Also, since my wife's already kicked (in jail), we're not kicking at same time. We enable each other so bad. Eventually, one of us will say, "lets go pick up". It's there in the back of our minds, just waiting for the other to cave and say it.

I hate my crazy, loud-ass, tweaker neighbor, I hate this shitty little apartment with it's paper-thin walls and shared balcony, I hate buprenorphine, I hate drugs, I just want to be in a normal state again where the only thing I needed to get out of bed in the morning was a shower and a cup of coffee or three, where I had friends and money and something to look forward to...

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life that makes me happy right now... I love him to death, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I can't even express it. If it weren't for him, I'd still be waking up every morning in a very dark and sick place... I'll never stop being an addict at heart, but at least for now the devil is kept at bay...

Speaking of which, I've gone 36 hours without any bupe, and I'm starting to hurt already... For what? Nine lortab 10's, that I bought on a stupid whim, simply because they were there... One and a half fucking highs... Relatively shitty highs, at that. So stupid, I feel idiotic and guilty for it, but I need a break from my fucking back pain... Bupe is the shittiest "painkiller" I've ever taken, just for the record. Does nothing for it...

Oh well. Bitching session over...

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I'm becoming tired of everybody bugging me.
People always wanting something from me.
People I work with, clients that ring up, my family, people on public transport, my so-called friends who only contact me when they want something.
Communication of any sort has been draining me.
This hasn't happened in a long, long time.
To make it go away, I started taking benzos again.
Probably not the most productive decision, but hey.
I was hoping it would never come to that, not after the withdrawals two years ago.
But this time around, I feel that I'm making more informed, balanced decisions about what I'm putting into my body.
At least, that's what I like to think.
And hope I won't get carried away.

Mum has organised a trip for tomorrow, to go see a family friend.
I like the guy, any other time I would be interested in what he has to say.
But in my present state of mind - I'm not looking forward to hours of pretending like I'm listening. Not fair on him either. He's a nice man.

And the day after - mum (I'm seeing a pattern here) has organised guests.
A couple who wants to make friends with people of the same background.
Mum works with the guy, his wife is the same age as me (late 20's).
In some fantasy world, they decided myself and the other girl will hit it off.
*Sigh*

I feel that I'm being selfish, not wanting to help or listen or be involved.
I'm stressed, I've been working so much and sleeping so little.
I need to be selfish right now, or I'll fall apart.

Either way, that's going to be my weekend, my resting time, haha.

Life is moving on and it's carrying me with it. I'm travelling under duress, barely grasping to all that I know, being forced into facing issues... into facing myself.

I'm so bloody tired of fearing what's ahead. It sometimes feels like I hold myself back because the security of the past is safer than delving forward into something unknown.

But the past has no place here anymore.

My heart is changing and so are my loyalties. I've tipped the balance of loneliness in my favour. Instead of trying to live in a bubble of trappings of the past... I'm allowing myself to make choices based on what I truly want. And they're different from what I thought I wanted.

I've lost one of the biggest loves of my life. He's been gone a long, long time... he's moved on and I need to do the same. I haven't held this torch because I wanted him back... well not in more recent days... it's just that I felt like I couldn't go through the stress and pain of falling in love again because I didn't want to go through the heartache I went through with him ever again. But there has to come a time where, if I don't want to be alone, that I have to take the risk.

I'm not sure that now is the time, and I'm not sure that the person who seems to be cluttering up my mind is "the one"... but basing things on fact... I need to let go of what's gone and at least try and give it a chance.

It's probably nothing. But I'd rather try it than spend another minute grieving.

Looking for High Top quality Omega Watches

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Jordan which is officially called the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan can be a country that is situated during the Middle East. Amman may be the capital of this nation and it's got a lot of importance during the history. Jordan has got just one port, which can be situated at the southernmost tip known as the Red Sea Gulf of Aquaba, which needs to be shared with Israel, Saudi Arabia and Egypt. Arabian Desert covers more than half of this nation and it's to share Dead Sea with Israel. The north-western area of this nation is still a portion from the Ancient Fertile Crescent. In the event you appear in to the background of Jordan, it is possible to see several exciting details. It's provided spot to numerous civilizations like Canaanite, Semitic, Moabites along with the edomites.

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Various Kinds Of Necklace Patterns Made From Swarovski Crystals

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Really first, we'll contemplate one particular strand necklaces which have already been finest for novices because they'd be the simplest types to manufacture. This type of Swarovski crystal jewelry is produced inside the associated type as other threaded necklaces. Just determine a string of beading wire to conform in the direction of the sizing of one's neck, correcting the length to adapt how lower you may wish your necklace to droop. Wind 1 closing to the beading chain onto the ring in the rings clasp, creating a curl with regards to the ring with the chain, and pinch the chain into area whilst using the help from the pair of crimping pliers.

Subsequently, decorate by sewing your selected Swarovski crystals on to the necklace in any pattern you've got a need for. Affix the lobster claw clasp in the direction of the finishing point during the threaded necklace, type a circle all around it and pinch it into placement utilizing the crimping pliers, basically when you executed previously.

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The 3rd assortment of Swarovski crystal necklace is genuinely a teardrop necklace that includes petite upright strands flowing down from your middle of them. Construct a teardrop necklace by the moment much far more opening having a regular solo strand necklace. Quantify one to two inches of beading chain and pinch an individual concluding of it to grip the beads in place. Sew Swarovski crystals onto the chain and appropriate right after that enfold the chain close to the midpoint from the solo strand necklace and tuck it in posture. Function having a mainly ornamental swarovski bracelet crystal for that bottom of one's jewel, as an example a butterfly, flower, heart, or cluster. In by undertaking this, you'll be able to turn out to be a proud owner of varieties of Swarovski crystal necklaces by expending a reduced volume of volume of revenue.

well... 14 hours no longer 36 i cant seem to keep good....

I just wanted to dedicate this blog to A, who passed away 3/24/12. Although I was not close to him, he was in my circle of friends. I don't have too many details, but the gist of it was that he wasn't feeling well, went to the bathroom to puke and had a heart attack. My other buddy, AY, went into the bathroom to check on him because he was in there for a while and found him unconscious. 911 was called but it was too late.

This hit so close to me because it's very similar to how my mother died -- I woke up, found her unconscious on the floor, called 911, but it was too late. I suppose that's what triggered my coke binge yesterday. It's extremely stupid to be like "OMG, this guy I knew had a heart attack and died and I'm really fucking sad" and then start doing coke... but that's what makes a drug addict a drug addict. Right? Illogical thoughts and actions and reactions and compulsive behaviors.

I got about 4 hours of sleep last night after knocking myself out with Dilaudid and Xanax and whiskey... Stupidity, I know. But the comedown from the coke was so fucking harsh. Kind of reminded me why I quit 8 years ago. I recently picked it back up again because it's been around, it's been cheap and it's been excellent fucking quality.

So to sum it up, RIP A and may we all make better decisions when faced with feelings we can't deal with.

Well, from my last posts, those who read them anyway, probably got the sense that I was heading in this direction anyway, but fuck it-I got a need to write, as I've been sitting in my room all day, watching United States of Tara- feeling brain dead.

Last Friday I got payed for a job that I had been commissioned to do. I got the cash and then headed down towards the nearest methadone clinic, located under a subway overpass by a murky canal filled with toxic sludge, and littered with coke bottles and McDonalds French Fry's boxes.

As I made the fifteen minute trek to where I would buy my heroin, I really had no thoughts going through my brain. All I could pay attention to were the rolling cramps in my stomach, amd my loosening sphincter, which I had to control with an almost Zen ammount of concentration, to keep myself from shooting out a projectile stream of diarhea.

As I approached the bridge, I saw the clusters of addicts standing in small groups outside the bodega's, sipping coffee, waving canes in the air. It was hideous, but the sight was familiar, amd it brought me some comfort 'cause I could already smell the dope. As I approached the crowds I ran into my friend Guerdo, a portly Hispanic man sporting a wooden cane who's dealt Xanax to me for the past 6 years. I hadn't seen the guy in months, but to my surprise, he remembered my face as well as my name, and gave me a hug before asking what I needed.

I'm looking for smack I said. His brow scrunched up for a second, and he unscrewed the lid to his bottle of clonazepam and popped two pills before telling me to follow him.

We walked towards another group of methadone patients, and Guerdo started asking around if "R" was still around. One highly intoxicated woman belched out something to the extent of "who's this white boy!?" I just took my portfolio (yeah I know, so very white of me), and leaned against the deli wall while my friend asked around for me.

After several phone calls to "R", that Guerdo made using ther people's cellulars, we were told to meet the mystery dealer at the clinic. Guerdo instructed me to hand him the cash, since "R" didn't know me, which I reluctantly did. Ive known this dude for a long time, and he'd always dione right by me, but there's nothing I hate more than having to cop through a middleman. At the time though, there was no alternative, as I had less of a chance getting beat in Brooklyn by a friend, then I would have in the Lower East Side.

Guerdo left me by a triangular shaped block, on a bench under a huge overpass. From my position I luckily was able to see him head up towards the clinic and meet up with the dealer. I still was insanely nervous though-whenever I cop dope, and things dont go completely as planned (which is 70% of the time), I enter this incredibly emotional and desperate state. As I sat on that bench waiting for my friend to come back to me with the dope, I began engaging in suicidal fantasy's. I imagined one of the trains derailing from the overpass above, and plummeting down towards my position, killing me instantly. My mom could say "At least he died clean.."

Well the minutes turned into an hour, and I was getting increasingly more antsy about the whole thing. Two DT's had just pulled over and began questioning a group of addicts sitting on another bench. Luckily I had my sketchbook out, so I passed off as just another yuppie waiting for the bus, sickened by the nearbye methadone clinic and it's patients for lowering real estate value. Soon after the cops left, I saw lumbering slowly across the street, one of my old heroin dealers from the year before, a fat, giant of a man named Anthony. I made sure to catch his eye, and he gestured for me to walk ahead of him and meet in the middle of the next block.

We stopped inside a small smoke shop, and Anthony asked me how much I was looking for. "Two" I replied, and then went into a corner where I fished out a crisp twenty. We left the smoke shop, and made the deal. I took down the fat bastards number, and then headed up towards the clinic to find out what was going on with Guerdo.

As I crossed the street I saw him standing in the middle of a large crowd of people, who were all yelling frantically in Spanish. As I came upon them, Guerdo's face was red, as if he'd been crying. An African American lady said "Check your fuckin' wallet dumbass!"-My heart sank. Guerdo pulled his wallet out of his back pant pocket, and sure enough, my sixty dollars was wadded up inside, he looked up to the sky and screamed something in Spanish, with tears rolling down his face. A brutish fellow with a wife beater and a bandanna then grabbed the money and shoved bunch of baggies tied together with a rubber band into the wallet and took off.

"Oh my God Znegative! I thought I had lost your money!" I patted him n the back and told him it didn't matter now, all was good.

We got back towards the buss stop and Guerdo handed the dope over to me. I wrapped it in a ciggarette plastic, and quickly cheeked it before I parted ways.

I went to the nearbye McDonalds and bought two apple pies, then asked for the bathroom keys. I locked myself inside the stall, through out the works, and mixed up my shot. My hands were shaking from the anticipation, but I managed to steady them enough to hit a vein and shoot for the stars.

I was wondering what it is like to use herion? What does it feel like for the first time etc. I know so many ppl that are addicted to the drug. I personally am terrified of it, but just want to know more information about it..

Well, that was another nice run. Been back on dope since back in jersey. But, jus recently kicked.. again. I stopped when my girlgot picked up on her warrant. She has about 3 weeks left. However, she has 3years probation, which means 3 years of UAs. And if she cant use, neither can I. Thatll be interesting since neither of us have been clean completely in 7 years. She found a dr for adderall, so atleast we'll get that.

ohh, i forgot A month ago, I got 200 from a friend to buy a 8ball. so i call my dealer up, who ive been with for 6 months. tells me hes coming out. I see one of his boys coming so i get te money out. he backs me up to a phone pole, then out of nowhere some other kid comes out and jams a big ass rifle in my gut. At that point i say fuck you and run. the one kid grabs me by the jacket, then when i turn my attention him, the other hits me as hard as he can in my head with (air?) rifle. Then i kick the kid holding me and run a little. he catches me again.. repeat.

I lost track of how many times i got hit, maybe 8times. I don't now its fuzzy. finally, i throw one of the hundreds, that distracts em long enough o get away. they run away now too since were in a lighted apt. courtyard w/ cameras. so, i notice my jackets missing so i go o get it. they took it, but i find my dealers phone, brand new $200 android with all his customers numbers. At that point i realize im bleeding bad. so i take my sweatshirt and wrap it around my head & run to the bus station so no coos stop me(warrant). I go to the bathroom, and my face is red. i mean thee's not a spec of white anywhere. Takes 10 minutes so i look prsentable in public. i take the bus and go home. I don't remember much after i got on the bus.i do remember sittiing at home enjoying the blood loss and concussion or rather, funcussion. i felt higher than a 5 bag shot.
Those fuckers got my 100 bill but i got his new $200 phone. it was password locked, so i flashed it, losing the numbers. important thing was, he lost all his clients numbers, and couldnt call them w/ whatever new number he got. and theres pics w/ him holding guns im thinking about putting on facebook. fuck them.

I'm off to China in 10 days and am getting excited for the next adventure. It's Beijing for a week of training and then off to Qingdao. I'm staying positive for a change. Let's see where it leads me.

that YOU are one annoyingly NoSEY LITTLE FUCKEr... lol

I started out taking them recreationally in very lose doses. I thought to myself its not like I'm an addict or something " I'm only taking them in the weekends" or " I can stop whenever I want" the only problem was I didn't realize I was setting myself up for disaster.

Eventually it got harder and harder to stop. I would use for longer periods of time. Until I realized one day that I am always thinking about the damn pills. I put them in a pedastool. After a while I was not taking breaks anymore. I was taking them everyday. (even though I was taking every day I tol myself "I'm not a real addict because I take low doses and I'm not even building a tolerance")

Eventually I needed more because after four years(yup took my four years when I started) to build a tolorence. Then I told myself "at least it not heroin" and " at least it's just a pill" well since I was taking them more often it was harder to get from a doctor so I moved on to other sources. At first it was my mom and grandmas stash. Again I told myself "if I were a real addict I would be buying off te street"

Eventually my mom and grandma noticed that I was taking too much I their meds and that I should need that much a nd that's when my family fislrst noticed that I may have a potentially life threatening addiction on my hands. I told them no an gave them all my bullshit phrases for why I'm not an addict. (can you say denial) I was so stupid. Well after that I was like shit I need a new source ( I didn't realize that my problem was getting worse) I still thought its not that bad. After finding a dealer I was telling myself "at least I pay for my pills" and still saying "it's not like I am a real addict cause I'm not hooting up heroin"

I eventually got offered better pills along the road. First it was Vicodin next was Norco then precocet. After a while I needed more and more. I also was offered different pills. I eventually was taking a cocktail of pills. Soon after nothing was enough. I wanted more. (I still told used bullshit to keep my pride) I ended up moving on to snorting then shooting up.

I never saw it coming. It took years to become a full blown addict. I had people telling me I would end up dead or in jail or an institution. I did not believe my problem was that bad because then I had an excuse for all of it. I didn't realizes while high that I was ruining my life and family. I didn't think it was that bad but I was. I was fucking terrible. The friends I made were shit the places I stayed were shit. Eventually I was shit.

I wish I had never taken that first opiate in my life. I wish it was never prescribed. That shit ruined my life. I have been trying to stop and get it out of my life for years now, but once you take your first opiate binge you are pretty much buckled in on a roller coaster to hell.

I also took tramadol. It has SSRI properties. It has the ability to get you a little high and helps with depression. So because of that you will go through a mild physical withdrawal (I went through it) and you will go through a horrible mental withdrawal( I went through that to)

Tramadol you would think it by that bad right. Wrong. For te first weeks you will feel the physical withdrawal it is painful especially if this I your first withdrawal it is going to fucking suck. Opiates are very easy for your body to get used to. Myself after just four straight days of taking any opiate I will go into a bad physical withdrawal and it's painful.

But te worse part is the mental withdrawal from the antidepressant part of tramadol. You will feel depressed and tired and weak for up to six moths. This is why it is so hard to stay clean because opiates take for ever to reverse your body after using them. It can take years for a heroin addict to feel normal..... This is why relapse on opiates is high. It's because you will feel like shit. You will want a pick me up. And you will want to take the tramadol again to get energy and to feel happy. And that's when you are officially stuck in a vicious cycle of getting clean and relapsing..

If you can try to stop taking that shit for good. Especially since you aren't that bad on it yet.DO IT!!just STOP Before its to LATE. If you can't stop or if you stop and then relapse I suggest you start a rehad program before your problem get way to out of control and your life goes down the drain.

Hope this helps- my story and what I think

Please dot say "that would never happen to me because man you are on your way"

Dose anyone know a reliable site to buy a.m.t from =]

...Why i like drugs. Life is so goddamn painful and depressing i want to spend it all numbed out of my brain. What's the fucking point of it all. It hurts most of the time, you're either numb or deluded the rest. We all end up alone, we all die alone.

So why not see my days through in a haze of drugs numbing all this fucking ridiculous human emotions! Life is too hard and just not worth it when it comes down to it.

See nothing in particular even set this off, this has been my mindset for years, it's why i've done drugs for the last 6 years. To be honest i wish I'd started doing them sooner. When you get a brief window of happiness it never fucking lasts, what the fuck am i doing here?!

36 hours clean seems like nothing but is such an achievement i feel....ubber nasty inside but i know this feeling. i feel some strength but i know that i will want to give in to the boogie man. my sober mentality is glad to be away from it but my meth mind is crying out for it. not today boogie man... not today!

hello, i am a meth addict, i smoke it, tho i am new to the drug and have only been using for 5 months; i am highly addicted to it. i am looking for help of any kind. i want to be a recovering addict. i steel from my parents, siblings and from my surrounding neighbors. have done horrid actions to get my fix. i recently moved across the country to relieve myself of this habit. but i was unsuccessful in fact the first person i met offered it to me i had gone 2 and a half weeks with out it, tho feening for a puff i had no intentions on locating a dealer i wanted to find drug free friends and sober people to place myself around but by finding my habit with the first person i introduced myself to i could not resist the strong temptations as i was still going through withdraws, and continued on binge. at this very point i am 12 hours free of it but i feel the urge as i type this to say f*** trying to get help f*** recovery, and just go get twacked out but as i was coming down from my last session i had a deep emotional reawakening, the "boogie man" as i call it (for it being my nightmare) has me rapped around its bones like skin... thus leading me to realize i would rather die at that point then continue my usage so i proceeded to attempt my thought of everlasting freedom from meth with a 40 cal. hand gun. i closed my eyes and pulled the trigger; it jammed; as i sat back in my chair wondering if this meant i will be an addict for the rest of my being i came to the conclusion that infact this is my second chance, i dont want to be a meth addict any more .... i never wanted to be.. i wanted to be happy and thats all i was seeking.. but insted i found true darknest and true depression, pure misery. but at the same time i found a false escape from reality... i have faith that some day i will be able to say im drug free. i do know it is a long tedious road to recovery with glory at the end. but my problem is i believe that i wont be able to find a median that will help me stay on the sober life road and stop me from switching lanes again. i am a very dependent person and need someone or something around constantly...i am not looking for another drug or subtance for me to get addicted to insted of meth but infact a raucousness, the feeling of not needing thus innatimet objects.... i dont know if i am looking for rehab or if a single sentence that will help me but i know i am incapable of doing this on my own the people ithoughtwere my friends abandoned me and leaving m with only the one person i knew as a sorse of reflection apon my addiction and as us addict know if one addict is trying to go clean and is around one that is not trying to it makes in nearly impassable to achieve such set goals so please leave me words of enlightenment and encouragement for i can not locate what i need in people i know nor my own self, thank you ...... anonymous....

im trying to find out if my boyfriens still snorts heroin...i was wondering if u can still have cronic runny nose still or is he still using

luv the site and all the info. Have had some good and bad luck with different info on overseas goods. Trying to figure out info on traveling spots. The USA just isnt cutting it. Friends have told me Holland is the place to b. . hopefully i can get good info before going.