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So I was supposed to go visit my mom's grave today. I got emotionally ready and steeled myself to go and see the grave for the first time. My mom's "friend" was supposed to drive me up there and visit the grave with me. But, of course, she cancelled on me. As usual. I wouldn't expect anything less from her. I'm so sick of being let down by people who are supposed to be there for me. And I don't have many people to begin with. She offered to take me to the grave -- I didn't ask her to do it. She asked me when was convenient for me so I told her, Monday the 2nd. Monday, today, comes... Then she goes, "Sorry, I can't go today, I will let you know when..." Blah, blah, blah. Bullshit. Just don't fucking offer to do something for me that you have no intention of doing. I'm sick of being so nice and letting people disappoint me over and over and giving her more chances... I just have to start being a cunt like everyone else. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I won't be fooled again. I told her I'm just going to find someone else to drive me or else I will take 2 trains, a ferry and 2 buses to get to the cemetery. I don't care. I will learn how to drive so I don't have to depend on other people. Fuck them. I don't need them to do anything for me. I bet she feels so great about herself, that she offered to do such a good deed... what a bitch! I am so sick of her. She's a fucking 57 year old woman... I'm 25... she should just fucking fall in a hole. Maybe her next DUI will be fatal. One can only hope... I know I'm saying really mean things... I'm just so fucking angry right now... Sigh. Never again.

His name is Charlie Robert Marks. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I told him, that, too. His eyes are dark and have a red tint to them. I watched every momement, and memorized everything about him. His scent rubbed off onto my skin and it never left. He told me awful stories of jail and terrible rehabilitation centers. He told me the truth when I asked why his arms looked so fucked up. He was a heroin addict, and I loved him. He drew me the most beautiful picture I have ever seen in my life. No matter where I go, I always hang on to that picture.

He moved back home, to Los Angeles, and he promised to keep in touch; he didn't. I tried to contact him, nothing happened. He died. It wasn't an overdose of dope, it was a hot shot. I cried a lot that whole month. He was the most beautiful creature I had seen. I see other men that look almost identical to him. I try to get their attention. I'm specifically draw to men with dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin with artistic talents. Maybe its because I miss you. Maybe its because I picture you wherever I go. Maybe its because I'm so unsure, always.

"Like a needle and thread, I'll pull through".

I promise I will visit your grave. I feel you here all the time. Rest in pace, darling

So I'm finally going to enroll myself into college for this up and coming fall. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm kind of thinking its too soon even though I did take a year off. I'm just mainly afraid that I'm not stable enough to take this back on or either I'm just afraid. I guess I'll see how this goes. I was always a smart kid but other things have overtaken my life.. No, I'm still intelligent but my depression and drug use can easily set me up to fail. Its not even the drug use that worries me the most but my depression. Its always been my depression. Its the main deciding factor on whether I succeed or crash and burn. If only I was happy and not for once but for the rest of my life. I hate being on this neverending rollercoaster and I just want to get better but sometimes I feel as if that is never going to happen. For years I felt this way and the depression has only gotten worse. I keep having to switch medications and up my doses because they never work. Ugh, if things could only be easier. I guess only time will tell.

Dope is purely evil. Dope took away everything from me last year. Dope just stole my significant other. Some people may say that dope didn't do it, but rather the user did it. Dope, in my opinion, has a definite energy about it. It is an evil energy. It is more powerful than any user. I find it taunting me, at times, begging for one more chance with me. I find myself fantasizing about dope, at times.

When I used to be actively addicted, I used to fantasize about a big huge shot of dope that would knock me out so hard, I would die. I used to fantasize about DEATH. I wanted to die via overdose. That sounded GOOD to me! I tried it once. I used about three times more than I usually would have. I did not die, obviously. Instead, I woke up 36 hours later, with a completely numb arm and leg, blood crusted to my mouth, and about 20 missed calls. My tongue had HUGE bite-like marks on it. I was angry that I was still alive. As time went on, I started to be happy I was alive.

I don't know the "secret" to overcome this problem. I am three months clean, and these thoughts still consume me. The evil energy of dope haunts me every day. I need to get the fuck away from it before I give in again.

I keep having a daydream, of sorts, where I dive into a giant chocolate cake and somehow swim through it. It's a giant chocolate cake, and it's yummy, but I'm worried that I'll end up making these fantasies a reality; I'm worried that I'll end up baking a giant chocolate cake to swim through, perhaps even trespassing in someone's pool at the same time. This worrying series of thoughts has had me, time and time again, cautiously and carefully approach - and even enter - a bakery, but I've never asked if they'd be able to bake me a giant chocolate cake so that it may serve me well as a swimming pool of sorts... 'The Swimming Cake'.

Sliding slippery chunks of sponge and icing aside with my arms in a languid breast-stroke, yes, I think that would be best.

And there's so much else for me to do; so much that I, as a conscious and almost-cognizant human being could achieve: I could start a new dictatorship and take over Europe, or discover a new element, maybe thrust myself cake-deep into the world of genetics and create some sort of humanoid chicken with which I could share a pint and a cigarette, presuming, of course, that a giant chicken would be able to keep its beak from snapping shut on the cigarette and hence tearing it asunder. But, alas, no, I fell into a daily routine that a coma patient wouldn't find strenuous at all, and I'm curious about creating various psychoactive and euphoric compounds from codeine, not to mention curious about whining about the current lack of dihydrocodeine, which could very likely - and I wouldn't know anything about this, at all - be extracted from its dangerous Paracetamol peers and repurposed into a more enjoyably fun shape, like hydromorphone or something like that... maybe.

It would be nice to get a new body, I think. The problem lies with my brain, yes, but I'm sick of my hands shaking uncontrollably. I'll never be able to take the best photographs with hands like these, jolts of electricity constantly flapping the muscles beneath my thin, pale and snake-like-skin back and forth. I can't even roll a single cigarette, which is outrageous; the act of self-poisoning in order to be socially accepted by my colleagues, kin and peers is one that has existed for decades, if not centuries - even millenia!

And in my head I'm still swimming through a big, delicious chocolate cake.

But I encounter Sisyphus, who's too busy straining against the boulder above him that, were he to speak but a word, 'twould crash back down the mountain to the bottom and leave him heartbroken. So I sit, for a while, and watch the man whose muscle mass has been focused entirely upon this one abominable stone for centuries, and the act of forcing it to the top of its perch, only to forever outwit the once incredibly-cunning old man, but even as he stands there, panting and sweating and covered in dust, I cannot determine whether he feels positively or negatively about the entire experience. Surely as I sit in this daydream within a daydream, all of it within the comforting confines of a chocolate cake large enough to dive into, filled with industrial-strength cake icing and every bit as delicious as was promised, it's impossible to know whether he's glad that the stone got to the top, even though he failed.

I ask the immortal for a moment of his time, but he doesn't even pause before sprinting down to the bottom of the hillock, mountain or whatever you'd call it (I don't claim to be a poet) in order to roll the stone again. Ever upwards and almost painfully so, it seems: why's he doing this?

I'll get my answer later, maybe with the aid of some chloroform and a rag. Later, maybe.

So my hands are shaking and I'm standing in a public house - one of my favorites - and enjoying a nice glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice along with the newspaper and a novel; some beat piece I've wanted to read for a while, but it's nothing too important, though I don't want to contradict myself... it just feels that, well, since entering into my twenties I've remained a teenager.

You buy a car. You pass your driving test. In my case I bought a motorbike because I enjoy flirting with death; it seems as though so many methods of untimely-demise have been deployed to steal my everlasting soul, but none have fully succeeded and so maybe it's just down to me to finish myself off. My curse may very-well be that I must end my life of my own volition and curiosity, eager to see what all of the fuss is about.

I've travelled the world and fallen in love and seen sights of beauty, tasted the most delicious food (sweet-meats for my sweet-teeth), inhaled such enticing aromas that my nose may now be redundant and I've certainly touched, indeed more than I should have and more than I was allowed to, although nobody was complaining - at least, not at the time.

So, you rent a place at an extortionate rate, you buy a car or a bike and you have your license, which along with a passport gives you freedom, and then you've got to pass through the echelons of academia and become a respected expert within a particular field.

I just can't avoid the distractions. I wasn't built for conventional academia. I can see myself swimming through cake to get a diploma, but a library? Ah, I'd damage the books!
These distractions...

So I went to the store to buy a pack of smokes, and This is what i get...

WTF has the Canadian government gone insane with the warning labels?

I just woke up a few hours ago, after I fell asleep due to the clonazepam that I had ingested this morning. The sky is bright white, and there's a light, shitty drizzle of rain falling from the sky, like God's shaking his dick to get the last few drops out.

I'm entering one of those stages where I really don't feel creative at all. I just sit at my ipad, checking in on bluelight every fifteen minutes or so, spouting out whatever knowledge I can, before I break to smoke a newport. I'm right now laying in a rather effeminate position, kind of like a victorian nude would pose, except I'm wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. Out of boredome I drew a hand puppet on my fist, and while I type this, his grotesque face seems to laugh at me.

I feel like I should get up, go over to my desk and do this illustration I've been thinking of, where I'm crucified to a hexagonal cross, being peirced by a giant syringe, and the blood from my wound is being boiled in a huge cooker by a monkey holding a torch.. But I dont know, it seems like a lot of work, and I dont want my mother to come upstairs and see me slaving away on an image like that.

I'm dreading this evening. An old friend of my dad's is coming over who I havn't seen for years, and honestly, I'd be perfectly comfortable with never seeing him again. But before I have to deal with that, I have to pretend to go to an NA meeting to please my mother, which means I will walk around in the rain for miles until the hour is up, and then trot back to my home where I'll have to lie about how inspiring the speaker was, and how I met with my fake sponsor and we had a real good talk. For the average twenty four year old, I've been in a lot of treatment center's, so I've become increasingly skillful when it comes to elaborate fabrications. Sometimes I even hold fake conversations on the phone, with my fake sponsor. In fact, my fake sponsor even has a fake number that I've programed into my cellular, just to make sure I cover all the corners.

None of that really makes me feel to good about myself though, just clever.

I skipped school almost every single day this week, save for one art class, sociology, and Intro to Biology. I only went to those because I had skipped them the week before. I've given up on volleyball, so there will not be any more diaries pertaining to that. It's kind of rediculous, because even though I skip my classes I still go to school. I just sit down on the benches and draw the pretty girls, or I walk around the block in circles, smoking ciggarettes, drinking coffee, giving away my loose change to homeless people. I guess it's just really tiring to try so hard to throw myself into this stuff when it seems everyone else is only trying to coast by. I'm the kind of person that needs a little bit of healthy competition-after all, I'm driven by a gross desire to be noticed.

And now the week is over, and it's Spring Break. I'm not going anywhere, just staying right here in Brooklyn. I don't mind though, wet tee shirt contests and fraternity culture never appealed to me anyway, just another instance of struggling, dripping, sliding forms, fighting to get to the top, swinging their dicks, bouncing their breasts, flexing their bicepts and drowning themselves in a pool of numbed-out shit.

I'll just smoke a ciggarette and wait for the mailman, or play shitty, acoustic covers of GG Allin.

Theres one thing that goes hand in hand with addiction, the white knuckle...

Pardon the pun.

Well, I suppose i better take another bump first.

There we go.

*Cough*

So this is the first of potentially many blogs of mine here on BL. i wouldn't expect too much, that way you won't be disappointed, I guess. I've come a long way in my addictions, from the famed honeymoon phases, for each respective substance, as well as the other fun bits that we all learn to live with, and for the lucky ones, learn to live without. Right now, I'm somewhere on the spectrum, and I've accepted that. It's those around me that have to have a reality check, because this is only going to be done at my pace. Jarsh reality, but it's something that cannot be escaped. Not if you so happen to be the one living this specific chain of events.

Forgive me if I lose myself in my own bullshit while writing this. I'm just not so certain of the meaning of all this.

The important thing that I seem to be skirting around, not paying much attention to is the fact that i have had what could be known as a 'lapse' better judgement; White Fairy, thou hath trickest me once again. And this time, I fought for you, lauched volley after volley of logical argument for easily an hour to the end of me obtaining another five hundred milligrams, a mere drop in the six thousand dollar pool of deception you will inevitably join. Hah, upon weighing, a mere three hundred milligrams. Three-twenty, tops.

A year and possibly more abstaining cannot be lost.

So it is they say, that one must not lament the number of days one has remained free when times of hardship come to pass for they are proof of hope in its most undeniable form.

At least, these are the things I keep telling myself.

Words of Wisdom, Anyone?

So my mother's friend Karen offered to drive me to the cemetery where my mother is buried to visit my mom's grave for the first time since the funeral. It's been 5 years and 5 months since I've been there, but who's counting? But as with everything Karen does, it comes with many strings attached. And of course I have to kiss her ass and thank her profusely for going out of her way to help stupid, undeserving me. 2 years ago, during Christmas time, her neighbors bought my brother and I a whole crap ton of Christmas gifts. Karen and her husband drove down here to bring them because there were way too many to mail and then took me and my brother out to lunch. At Nathan's. Big whoop, thanks for the hot dogs. 8)

The wife of her neighbor who sent the gifts is blind, so I thought it would be nice to get her a thank you card printed in Braille. I found a card online that came in Braille, it took maybe 5 minutes. But Karen was ranting and raving about how hard I must have looked to find the Braille card and how I went out of my way to thank them and she just couldn't believe it. To be honest, I think Karen wanted a card written in Sky-Writing or some shit. Fucking self absorbed cunt. (These people were so nice, they got me and my brother so much stuff for Christmas, it was a beautiful gesture and I was genuinely touched. I had to get them a Thank You card at the very least!)

I've never received a present from Karen in the years since my mom died except for that same year. Karen is not one to be shown up -- she got me some re-gifted and semi used peppermint lotions and her daughter (who is my age and was my "best friend" for a few years because of proximity) got me a screening copy of some National Geographic DVD which she obviously didn't buy/couldn't buy and was also a re-gift. Now, I don't care about dollar values or even if she gets me a gift or not. I couldn't care less, to be honest. I don't even care if it's a regift because why hang onto something if you're not using it? As they say, it's the thought that counts, right? Well, obviously I'm an afterthought. It was insulting, to say the least, to get this crap from Karen and her daughter because they had to save face and get us something because their neighbors got us gifts. I'd rather she didn't get me anything. What was the fucking point of grabbing something out of your closet and wrapping it up to give to me? That's just the type of person she is... horrible, horrible. It seems like it hurts her to do something for someone else. She's also an alcoholic with 2 DUIs who got drunk, called my cell phone and left horrible voice mails saying I killed my mother and they were going to get me and "Red Rum, Red Rum" ... right. 8)

So with all of that backstory out of the way...

She asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery with her by posting on my wall on Facebook. She said something like, "Do you want to come with me to visit my best friend since the weather is getting nicer?" ... She didn't say, do you want to visit your mother, she said do I want to visit her best friend. As if my mother's friendship with her is a more important relationship than her being my mother. Oh, wait, I forgot, it is, because it's Karen's world and Karen's pain and Karen is just a fucking saint, isn't she, because she's taking this pathetic girl who doesn't know how to drive all the way to Staten fucking Island. Ugh, and whenever she messages me on Facebook she always spells my name wrong. It's written right fucking there but you're so oblivious that you misspell my name every single time. It's so disrespectful and irksome. This woman is twice my age and then some. My mom was always kind to Karen's bratty, stupid children (who aren't children anymore, the youngest one just started college this year, the other two are high school dropouts). If the situation was reversed and Karen died and my mom was still alive, those assholes would have had my mom's support all the way. They didn't even come to my mom's funeral.

It's just so infuriating because I don't drive and I live so far away from the cemetery and I feel like a useless bitch because I have to depend on other people. I hate having to depend on other people. Especially such shitty people like Karen. I'm going to learn how to drive as soon as I possibly can because it's about time I learn how to drive, even though I live in NYC, it's good to at least know how to drive in case you need to get somewhere that the trains or buses don't go. I could get a ZipCar membership and life would just be so much less stressful.

Karen has visited the cemetery at least 3 different times that I know of and not once asked me to go with her. She offered to take me whenever I felt like going and I finally took her up on her offer back in October (a month before the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death, so she'd have advance notice) but of course Karen said no, because Karen would be too sad. Poor Karen. God forbid she gets sad visiting a grave. So I said fuck it and decided to not ask her again. Then, last week, nearly 6 months later, she asks if I want to go to the cemetery. But she'll only go if it isn't raining and if the weather is nice. I had to explain to her that it's a Jewish cemetery and Fridays weren't good because it closes early for shabbos. And the cemetery will be closed the week of Passover. So we should go soon. Supposedly we're going on Monday, but I won't hold my breath because I may very well turn blue waiting for her. I hate her fucking guts, to be honest and I probably shouldn't even go but I want to see my mom's grave. I miss her so much and I finally feel ready to try and get some peace and closure because I didn't get that when she first died. The nurses were cleaning my mom's body up in order for me to see it and say goodbye but I just left the hospital. But honestly I don't regret it that much because that human shell wasn't my mom. My mom was already somewhere else when her soul left her body or whatever happens when we die.

So yeah. Now that I got that off my chest. I was giving my Dachshund a bath and I was snipping her nails and I accidentally cut it too far so she was bleeding quite a bit. I wrapped her paw 3 different times and all of those times she chewed off the bandage and started bleeding again. So finally I got her e-Collar from when she was spayed, slapped that on her and then wrapped her paw. It's all good now, the bleeding has stopped and she can't she on it because of the e-Collar...

I'm just getting higher and higher but I don't feel euphoria... I am just running away from my problems because I don't want to deal with them... I keep nodding in and out of consciousness so... I'll fucking write more later I guess.

I've been horrible about updating this and am now going to do so, but incredibly briefly as I am on a mini-vacation and don't have all my thoughts compiled to give a thorough report.

Overall, my life without acquiring new plastics has gone halfway decent--I have bought a few plastic items where I really did not have any viable alternatives. I also bought a mostly plastic item that has significantly less plastic than the same item bought elsewhere, that I really enjoy. So, short of getting the item directly from the producer, it is a plus to get it in significantly less plastic. (LOL, I did mention I didn't have my thoughts together, right? Re-reading that, it makes little sense. Oh well. Chock it up to too much coffee and too little sleep.)

My second goal is coming into action and making great strides, and will make even greater progress once I come home and have a week or two to set the plan in motion.

Can't believe it's almost time to make a "week four" reflection. Man. How quickly time flies. Week four's will come on Sunday though, rest assured for anybody who's remotely interested in my "lofty endeavors". 8)

Woke up 12 o clock sharp, ha another day wasted
My father wants to hang with me and I don't wanna hang with him.
Why? The dude has diabetes and just told you about his legs being cutoff.
Why? The resentment? He Provided, He held it all together!!!
Why do I not trust him and why do I still drink myself to nothing under his roof?
WHY?? Let me tell. you, cause you're an ungrateful son of bitch!!
Thats why

IV TOOK DRUGS FOR YEARS BUT IV FOUND MEPH TO BE THE MOST ADDICTIVE BY FAR.I WONT TAKE ANY FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS BUT THE CRAVING FOR IT IS ALWAYS THERE.WHEN I DO START I CANT STOP FOR 5 DAYS I SNIFF TILL MY NOSE IS DESTROYED THEN IL DRINK A G THE BUZZ IS INTENSE AND I KNOW IM ON THE VERGE OF TAKING A STROKE BUT I CANT STOP TILL IV NO MONEY LEFT IT HAS RUINED ME AND TO ANSWER PREVIOUS POSTS THE REASON WE TAKE DRUGS IS TO ESCAPE REALITY BECAUSE ARE LIVES ARE LACKING IN SO MANY AREAS

I have one shot left Im in full withdraw and this is it. Here in Montana it's just to hard to find and im tired of being sick every 3 to 4 days. My daughter will be here in 3 weeks and I have to stop. Can't afford anymore trips and I have to work. 10 yr habit on it's way out. This is going to suck. Wish me luck people. This is going to be a 9 day sleepless fucking nightmare. Please does anybody have any home remedy's that will help just a little. Please don't say more dope. No longer an option. Any ideas at all. At least at work I can stay warm because im over a grill. I really need some advice on the middle of the night insanity. Skin crawling mostly. I can handle the cramps. But I can't handle my skin crawling. Please any help at all would be appreciated.

Thank you for allowing me to post. I hope my expectations of 'Bluelight' are as good as I have been told. Anyway, I have never used Flexeril as a 'kick drug'. I was asked if I could find out - thus- my question to the Forum. Your help is greatly appreciated. For whatever it is worth, I have 'seen the movie' for 30+ yrs. I feel I have a lot of knowledge to share should an issue come up. Please feel free to ask. Again, much thanks..... Doctom1973

Brief intro for Bluelighters: This is a concept I have been working on mostly since the age of about 7 years old. These are the results posted here on Bluelight mostly because of its obscurity (and the potential destructive repercussions) as well as the open minded nature and intellectual capabilities of many of its members.

If your going to trash it do it here otherwise if you want to talk more about the concept feel free to grab my email from my profile or contact me on any of the IM services provided.



Universal Algorithm


Forward by Author:


First off I would like to state that this article, findings, what have you was written for the sole intent of the advancement of the human race. Anyone who seeks to use this article to make a profit and at the accountability of themselves from a moral standpoint or abuse this information in anyway will suffer a cruel and unusual fate I assure you.

With that being stated I would like to say this will probably be my greatest contribution to civilization or mankind in general to date and possibly; although it is much more pleasant to think not, for the future as well. Keep in mind this is amongst a lifetime of high achievements including becoming a chess master by age 6, consistent aptitude scores of 95% and above, the highest IQ ever recorded (believe it or not) , becoming a member of the CIA and doing hits for the secret service, as well as identifying rare and unusual artifacts. Approach this information with caution as it is highly volatile and elementary.

With that being said I feel as though it is a highly interesting theory and may make the future wave of cosmic {and time} travel possible. Enjoy


Introduction:


Before we can begin discussing the algorithm and its future uses there are a few concepts that must be mastered in order to gain the full potential from the algorithm (or any potential at all really). The first and obviously (as you will see) most important is that of infinity. In the bible God is described in Genesis as having created the heaven and earth at the beginning of recorded (read: biblical) time. However god is also have said to have always existed and always will exist. Some may find this to be a glaring double negative because how can something always exist and always will. Everything must have a beginning right? Wrong.

The universe in a theoretical way has always existed although its recorded existence can be traced back to a single point. The big bang if you will. Now the main way to grasp the concept of infinity; especially in relation to the existence of an all-powerful spirit, is to simply accept it as a fact. Infinite qualities do exist (the very never ending expansion of the universe itself is a frank example to this fact) and it is essential for future advancement that we accept the concept of infinity in the same connotation as we accept the concept of gravity (or for those mathematically inclined as the variable X). If we do this true comprehension of the universal algorithm will be possible.
The Universe:

Now that we have the concept of infinity down, we can begin to understand the mathematical qualities upon which the universe operates and more specifically the blueprint for galactic travel the universal algorithm provides. First let us begin this description of the universe with a 360 degree circle. Visualize this circle inside of your mind. Now imagine that that very circle is expanding infinitely in all directions. So in other words the circle is going from o to O to O and so on getting larger and larger at infinite speed. The infinite speed upon which the universe expands is accounted for in the universal algorithm however it is not going to be described in detail in these findings. This is mostly because without proper mechanical and technological capabilities that speed will never be realized and the comprehension of an, as of yet, uncalculated factor will only detract from an already intellectually taxing and novel concept.

Now that you understand a 360 circle expanding at infinite speed in all directions take the visualization a step further by now visualizing a sphere. For example visualize the planet earth but to keep it simple don’t worry about continents or colors, just an all-white sphere suspended in your mind. Now imagine that sphere getting infinitely larger at the same speed of the 360 degree circle. So just to recap you know have a sphere (similar to a planet but not as concrete) getting infinitely larger at infinite speed. Congratulations you are one concept away from having the knowledge required to decode the universal algorithm.

Here is where it gets interesting. Inside of the sphere (which is simply a visualization or metaphor for the universe itself) you have what are known as worm holes. These wormholes are created constantly (we WILL NOT go into as how or with what materials) and randomly at specific points in the ever expanding universe. So if the sphere keeps expanding ad infinitum and the wormholes are randomly created on a constant basis within that sphere (given that the space available for the wormholes is infinitely increasing) then the mathematical value of those wormholes can be described as infinity. You are one small step away from having all you require to decode the universal algorithm.
Now all wormholes have a similar and interesting quality. An X factor if you will. The wormhole x factor is every wormhole has an identically yet reversed universe with in it (or to put it more accurately accessible to it). Imagine yourself looking in the mirror. Now everything you see in that mirror is identical to what you are, just the reverse. This is the wormhole dimension concept.
Now the applications of these reverse universes (or dimensions) are interesting. Given the proper technological capabilities you could travel through that worm hole through a finite point and travel either back or forward through time in the universe depicted within the wormhole you currently reside in. For visual effect imagine this being the wormhole:

Universe A~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|Finite Point|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Universe A reversed.

The finite point is the exact point where the time line (in the diagram represented by the ~ symbols) between universe A and its reversed twin ends. If you have the technological capabilities to traverse this worm hole you can travel anywhere from the begging of time within universe A (represented by the first ~ symbol after the words universe A) to the beginning of time of the Universe A’s reversed twin (represented by the ~ symbol very before the words Universe A reversed). The ~ symbols closest to and on both sides of the words |Finite Point| represent the present point within the timeline.


Algorithm:


Now that we have the knowledge structure and base to understand the algorithm description of the actual algorithm will begin. Now keep in mind it is a mathematical equation which factors in every variable that has and will take place (past, present, or future) within the universe. The algorithm itself is this: infinity to the infinite power multiplied by infinity. The first infinity accounts for the 360 degree circle we first visualized at the beginning of the universe section. The infinite power of that infinity is what allows that infinitely expanding 360 degree circle to become an infinitely expanding sphere. Now multiplying those factors by infinity is what accounts for all past, present and future wormholes (in which reside an infinite number of universes or on a singular level a reversed universe each). So once again the actual universal algorithm is as follows: infinity to the infinite power multiplied by infinity. This accounts for all events (planet and star creation, wars, planet and star destruction, etc…) that will ever occur within the universe.


Conclusion:


So as a conclusion point I’m going to point out the possible applications of the universal algorithm given the technical capabilities such actions would require. As a natural born killer myself I think the first one (and quite possibly most interesting) would be the destructive power of this algorithm as well as the future capabilities as far as traveling to distant planets and battling mutated versions of the human gene as well as evolved versions of ancient and extinct species. The greatest power of the universal algorithm lies here in within this train of thought: if an item or entity can be measured that item with enough power can be destroyed. Within the universe lies enough power to completely annihilate itself much similar as to how planet earth contains enough power (read nuclear detonation) to completely destroy all existence within it.

That is a grim proposition for a mathematical equation that will no doubt play a major role in the future development of our civilization as well as species. Another and more pleasant application is the expansion possibilities for an eternally surviving social structure. There will always be new and uncharted territories to pursue and conquer and infinitesimal battles and challenges that lie therein. Keep in mind the wormhole factor and there will be even more dimensions for human beings to explore, conquer, and master. Imagine walking around Venus with a supremely intelligent, and accurately designed, jet pack space suit and you have tripping balls in a nut shell. Multi colored gas surrounds your entire body and causes the oxygen inside of you to mutate into an atmospheric discharge which intoxicates your very being. Now imagine that pleasure multiplied by infinity and you have the discovered the power and pleasure of the Universal Algorithm.

DISTRIBUTE AT YOUR OWN RISK

Have a nice day!

OK. Well, my kick is well under way. I'm going into day 4 with no suboxone (I did have alitle oxycodone my first day, but none since) . It's actually been very mild compared to past kicks. I even slept thru the night last night. Took a bit of pharmaceutics,(no opiates), but still pretty awesome. Usually takes me like 5 or 6 take to get any sleep. And even then, it's short and intermittent.

This time I actually stuck to my tapering schedule, managed to do just the one suboxone after that, then stop. Also, since my wife's already kicked (in jail), we're not kicking at same time. We enable each other so bad. Eventually, one of us will say, "lets go pick up". It's there in the back of our minds, just waiting for the other to cave and say it.

I hate my crazy, loud-ass, tweaker neighbor, I hate this shitty little apartment with it's paper-thin walls and shared balcony, I hate buprenorphine, I hate drugs, I just want to be in a normal state again where the only thing I needed to get out of bed in the morning was a shower and a cup of coffee or three, where I had friends and money and something to look forward to...

My boyfriend is the only thing in my life that makes me happy right now... I love him to death, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I can't even express it. If it weren't for him, I'd still be waking up every morning in a very dark and sick place... I'll never stop being an addict at heart, but at least for now the devil is kept at bay...

Speaking of which, I've gone 36 hours without any bupe, and I'm starting to hurt already... For what? Nine lortab 10's, that I bought on a stupid whim, simply because they were there... One and a half fucking highs... Relatively shitty highs, at that. So stupid, I feel idiotic and guilty for it, but I need a break from my fucking back pain... Bupe is the shittiest "painkiller" I've ever taken, just for the record. Does nothing for it...

Oh well. Bitching session over...

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I'm becoming tired of everybody bugging me.
People always wanting something from me.
People I work with, clients that ring up, my family, people on public transport, my so-called friends who only contact me when they want something.
Communication of any sort has been draining me.
This hasn't happened in a long, long time.
To make it go away, I started taking benzos again.
Probably not the most productive decision, but hey.
I was hoping it would never come to that, not after the withdrawals two years ago.
But this time around, I feel that I'm making more informed, balanced decisions about what I'm putting into my body.
At least, that's what I like to think.
And hope I won't get carried away.

Mum has organised a trip for tomorrow, to go see a family friend.
I like the guy, any other time I would be interested in what he has to say.
But in my present state of mind - I'm not looking forward to hours of pretending like I'm listening. Not fair on him either. He's a nice man.

And the day after - mum (I'm seeing a pattern here) has organised guests.
A couple who wants to make friends with people of the same background.
Mum works with the guy, his wife is the same age as me (late 20's).
In some fantasy world, they decided myself and the other girl will hit it off.
*Sigh*

I feel that I'm being selfish, not wanting to help or listen or be involved.
I'm stressed, I've been working so much and sleeping so little.
I need to be selfish right now, or I'll fall apart.

Either way, that's going to be my weekend, my resting time, haha.

Life is moving on and it's carrying me with it. I'm travelling under duress, barely grasping to all that I know, being forced into facing issues... into facing myself.

I'm so bloody tired of fearing what's ahead. It sometimes feels like I hold myself back because the security of the past is safer than delving forward into something unknown.

But the past has no place here anymore.

My heart is changing and so are my loyalties. I've tipped the balance of loneliness in my favour. Instead of trying to live in a bubble of trappings of the past... I'm allowing myself to make choices based on what I truly want. And they're different from what I thought I wanted.

I've lost one of the biggest loves of my life. He's been gone a long, long time... he's moved on and I need to do the same. I haven't held this torch because I wanted him back... well not in more recent days... it's just that I felt like I couldn't go through the stress and pain of falling in love again because I didn't want to go through the heartache I went through with him ever again. But there has to come a time where, if I don't want to be alone, that I have to take the risk.

I'm not sure that now is the time, and I'm not sure that the person who seems to be cluttering up my mind is "the one"... but basing things on fact... I need to let go of what's gone and at least try and give it a chance.

It's probably nothing. But I'd rather try it than spend another minute grieving.

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