Blogs

Tina Dopemau5
yay for wonderful surveys!!
Hi, my name is: you can call me Tina ;)

Never in my life have I been: sane

The one person who can drive me nuts is: my brother

High school was: didn't go. I was home schooled.

When I'm nervous: I need Klonopin.

The last time I cried was: yesterday.

If I were to get married right now my maid of honor would be: I wouldn't have one, that would make the other bridesmaids feel left out.

My hair is: dark brown roots, bleached ends

When I was 10: was when I started getting really depressed.

Last Christmas: I was with my family high as fuck on meth. they had no idea.

I should be: sleeping

When I look down I see: a jumble of letters and numbers

The happiest recent event was: seeing Underworld live!!!!!

If I were a character on 'That 70's Show' I'd be: Never watched it enough to know

By this time next year: I hope i am still alive.

My current gripe is: no money. and i have all this shit i could sell on Craigslist, but Craig is being an asshole.

I have a hard time understanding: people who lack empathy.

There's this girl I know that: was born in Transylvania on Halloween! how cool is that??

You know I like you when: I talk or spend time with you with no drugs involved.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: my mom.

Take my advice: don't overestimate your own intelligence.

Something that I really want to buy is: a ticket to Ultra in Miami next year.

If you visited the place I was born: you would think it just another generic suburb.

I plan to visit: northern Cali eventually

If you spend the night at my house: you'll have to sleep on the floor and a cat may pee on you in your sleep.

I'd stop my wedding if: i have no idea

The world could do without: religion

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: work

Most recent thing I've bought myself: A Four Loko

Most recent thing someone else bought me: food

My favorite blonde is: Eminem, except i don't think he bleaches his hair anymore. lol.

My favorite brunette is: my 3 best friends are all brunettes, so any one of them. And then there is deadmau5 who's a brunette ;)

My favorite redhead is: I don't think i know any redheads.

My middle name is: let's say it's Crystal ;)

This morning I: i ate 3 Klonopins, did 50 sit ups and went on a walk.

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: cows and pigs

Once, at a bar: i got in a fistfight with a guy who grabbed my ass.

Last night I was: asleep i believe.

There's this guy I know who: who defies the tweaker stereotype and is very fat even while doing meth regularly for over 15 years.

I don't know: Joel Zimmerman's middle name.

A better name for me would be: Spastic Tweaker Bitch

Tomorrow I am: going to a Halloween rave and roll for the first time in months!

Tonight I am: online

My birthday is: ugh.

What I really wanted for Valentine's Day was: for my bf at the time to take me out to eat.

I can sing: all the words to Underworld's 'Born Slippy' (totally off key)

I like a guy named: Joel.

My best friend's name: I have at least 3 and I'm not giving their names.
zephyrhigh
zephyrhigh
T
flashbacks
I think back to that night and think about how different my life would be if that overdose would have scared me bad enough to never touch the Shit again. But it didn't. I've overdosed many times but for some reason thinking back to that night overdosed laying on my floor syringe in hand "junkhead" by Alice in chains blasting in my ear.. I some how crawled to my bed and watched the world fade away
Tacoma
T
Waffle Sock
Revelation
Our Amoral God hath no mercy..
Waffle Sock
Waffle Sock
stef^on^e
The end of Mr.I
Off the back of a long winded conversation, you say that you're not sure about wanting to get back but that your feelings could be off the back of what I had said re my inability to trust you (given our past). That was the last straw for me.

We are done. No, we cannot be friends. No, no more toing and froing. It is done.
stef^on^e
stef^on^e
MissBehavin'_416
:(
I'm sad.
MissBehavin'_416
MissBehavin'_416
T
I'm a strange addict
For some reason I have all my shit together when I'm using I have a house (that I pretty much never leave) money gettin along with family and friends and am just a better person more responsible. And then when I get off smack I cry all the time super depressed I'm drunk all the time don't have a place to stay fighting with everyone no money cause I lose my inspiration to make it and just spend it on booze anyway. I'm not me when I'm not high and that's really fucked up and sad.
Tacoma
T
Waffle Sock
Tryppty Vid
Here is a hypnotic music vid that is relevant to my taste of noise. I enjoy displacing oneself from mind and dimensional plane. This video can take me there without a loaded sorcerer's wand. FV<|< this reality.

[video=youtube_share;VtSL2cJ7_WM]http://youtu.be/VtSL2cJ7_WM[/video]
Waffle Sock
Waffle Sock
socko
Christmas Dreams
The drizzle had soaked through my clothes. My Navy peacoat, though wet, kept me halfway warm. I was proud of this coat. It's an expensive designer coat with crisp lines that cut a good silhouette. I had recently found it on the sidewalk near a stew bum who appeared to have just died on the first cold night of the year. When I found it, I briefly wondered about bedbugs and body lice, but so far I've been lucky and shrugged off that fear. I stood under an archway with a goblin sitting above the keystone. It led into my street which led into a part of the city whose medieval character was still somewhat intact. I buttoned the coat. The paving stones of the twisty street glistened with the reflected lights of numerous little shops and cramped artisans' stalls that hadn't yet closed. The street is usually crowded with pedestrians, but this cold night, it was nearly deserted. I went through a gate in a high wall that opened into a narrow covered passage which opened into a dark silent courtyard. I stared up at the front of the ancient tenement. All of the windows were dark. I climbed the 7 flights of stairs that lead to my cold garret room in the Latin Quarter in Paris.

That was last night. Next, I quaffed 500 mL white grapefruit juice (inhibitor of the liver enwyme CYP2D6 which is responisble for a dead-end metabolic pathway for certain opiates), waited an hour for what I hoped would be a strong potentiating effect, and ate 2 boxes of ethylmorphine totaling about 580 mg. Within a half hour, I felt very sleepy and warm. I couldn't keep my eyes open. The warm feeling spread up and outwards from inside my gut, and life in this sad and twisted world was starting to look better. I lay down on the canapé.

I soon found myself in a dream body which was hovering above a river flowing thourgh a city in the night. I felt like I was physically there. I seemed to be fully conscious, felt as though I were in a body that could sense the surrounds and had a physical sensation of cold breeze. The buildings of the city were lit up with millions of tiny lights. On both banks of the river, palaces, towers, colonnades, domed buildings, cupolas, rooftop gardens, fountains, monuments, and then nondescript buildings extended to both horizons. The sky was cloudy. In the middle of the river was an island. On the island was a temple made of white stone of impossibly large proportions. The roof was 1000s of feet high. The ornately carved pediment was supported by columns that were frozen gods or demigods whose bodies were translucent crystal. They glowed with an inner light and radiated awareness. A parallel I can think of is the glow of the stained glass windows of a dark church or tomb on a bright day. The capitals of the columns ended in crowns of flowers like lotus or poppies. The petals extended and spread along the to the udnerside of the pediment. I floated under but close to the carved in relief architrave. I scrutiniwed the interior as I floated deeper inside. All surfaces were ornately carved or painted. Floral themes were common. Giant carvings and paintings depicted mythological events of an alien civilization. After what seemed like a few minutes, it was gone.

Next, I found myslef looking in a direction that's impossible to describe. Looking behind my eyes, through the back of my head, and at an angle slightly to the right and up is the impression I first had. I was looking through a kind of opening into a room whose proportions and angles made me queasy if I looked at any particular detail too long. I focused my attention into the room, avoiding the dizzy sickening details of the geometry as much as possible. As I watched this place, it came into focus. At first everything was murky and hard to see, but as I concentrated, this space became clear and bright and in focus.

Soon, I found myslef looking at a crowd of Aliens. Their bodies, heads, limbs, were all geometric primitives but with a strange non-Euclidean twist. I'm not going to describe it, but it was along the lines of Escher drawings in that it looked real but is impossible within the physical limitations of our world. The colors of the creatures were pastels. They had ovaloid/lozenge-shaped white faces. They had no features. there were no eyes, no ears, no nose, no mouse. Just perfectly smooth and unblemished white rhomboid faces that seemed hard like porcelain. The bodies were triangles, apex down, of pure light blue. Their limbs were also strange geometric shapes. They had more than 2 arms and 2 legs ( if they were actually that ), but I could never see them all at once to count. They didn't have anything like hands or feet, but at least some of their limbs ended in something that could grab or squeeze or manipulate things.

They were walking around on their strange limbs. Their movements were very subtle, fast, smooth and hard to catch. I will try ot do some sketches and digital renderings in photoshop and Blender later. They remeinded me of sentient crabs that walked upright and were vaguely human shaped with repeated features like paper dolls.

Eventually I became aware of the murmuring of dozens of voices. The words were generally indistinct. the few phrases and sentences I caught weren't in any language I recogniwed or that any human was capable of uttering. I watched and listened for more than an hour. I heard the nearby cathedral clock strike midnight, and I was watching them moving aournd and doing strange things. Then it struck one am and I was still watching. The scene shifted. I was watching them in other areas -- strange landscapes and buildings that seemed to have more than 3 spatial dimensions -- i moved around their world. I tried to ignore the geometric distortions that always made me sick to my stomach if I looked too long. I remember wondering where the opening was. Eventually I went to sleep.
socko
socko
Waffle Sock
Hujambo
After viewing a few BL users' profile at the left side of the screen, I had noticed that some had blog entries. So, I've decided to start my own very first blog, a literary device, as another platform of expression, aside from visual art. I will not spare you the introductory subtleties, so hear me out: I am a disillusioned sociopath with an anomalistic psychological profile that is extremely volatile, perpetuated by my personal history as well as the present-day. I mostly participate in the Lounge aspect of Bluelight as a coping mechanism for me to deal with this arbitrary existence. The only things keeping me from vehemently unleashing my vitriolic fervor for civilization upon mankind are entheogens and participating in the somewhat unfiltered Lounge to pacify these thoughts, even by expressing them...or engaging in other abstract discussions. I occasionally post in Second Opinion and SLR to exchange productive or insightful ideals with other members. I rarely post in CE&P to discuss sociopolitical issues. I would like to do so more in depth with CE&P but I am usually on BL mobile, so typing so much is a hassle.
I'm all about psyches and entheogens. I love hallucinating. *Psychonautic* I will seldom be in those corresponding threads. I am infatuated by facets of anarchoprimitivism and astrophysics. Other interests of mine can be viewed on my profile. Well, that about sums up myself in a nutshell. My next blogs - I will try to make more entertaining.
Waffle Sock
Waffle Sock
T
putting down the needle
Day 3 without shooting up this is so hard especially when I get really stressed out I just wanna shoot. I wish I never would have started doing this shit again. I'm not strong enough at this point to stop doing heroin but I feel that stopping shooting up Is at least a start on getting well again..
Tacoma
T
stef^on^e
Day 2
Sober as shit and it's nearly 8pm.

Last night was completely fucked. Couldn't sleep, hot, cold, restless. I somehow managed to get through work today but no motivation despite everything that is going on atm.

Tomorrow I have a champagne breakfast thing with the team. Sticking to one glass, maybe 2 max. My fucking kidneys still hurt like hell. Flying to Melb on the 1st after spending NYE with A - should be fun, trying to maintain some level of sobriety will be a challenge though.

Can't wait for the holiday period to be over.
stef^on^e
stef^on^e
stef^on^e
F.
Having the worst fucking withdrawls atm. My kidney and ovaries fkn hurt. I'm really sweaty and just can't get comfortable. Not even going to discuss the anxiety levels today - off the fucking chart. Had some St.Johns wort earlier but it's not doing shit.

Kept busy today though. Worked, gym, shopping, chatted with D. But now I'm in my room and my whole body aches. I keep wanting to take a xanax to at least stave off the pain but the I am only replacing one drug for another. No point.

I need to grow a set and just make it through tonight, the first night is always the hardest.
stef^on^e
stef^on^e
Bella_Luvs_Blues
Empty Spaces
If there's empty spaces in your heart,

They'll make you think it's wrong

Like having empty spaces

means you never can be strong

But I've learnt that all these spaces

Means there's room enough to grow

And the people that once filled them

Were always meant to be let go

And all these empty spaces

Create some strange sort of pull

That attract so many people

You wouldnt meet if they were full

So if you're made of empty spaces

Dont ever think it's wrong

Because maybe they're just empty

Untill the right person comes along
Bella_Luvs_Blues
Bella_Luvs_Blues
T
putting down the needle
Well day 1 of not slamming Shit feel like I can't sit still and it's all I can think about.. hard habit to kick
Tacoma
T
red22
non-drug psychedelic state example - Jack Kornfield's description of kundalini
At this point in continuing practice, or perhaps earlier for some, there can be a whole series of powerful energetic phenomena, sometimes called the awakening of the Kundalini. What this means is simply a profound opening of the energy centers of the body, or the chakras, and a simultaneous opening of the nadis, or the energy channels of the body. While there is a basic pattern to this, it may happen in many different ways.

Sometimes as one sits and gets more concentrated, the body will begin to burn or there will be a feeling of heat in the spine, vibrations and tingling. At times, one can actually feel energy move physically in the body as if fire, pulsations, or vibrations moved spontaneously through blocked energy channels as a way to open and free them. These energetic openings can take hours, or weeks, or months. It is all a part of the process of psychophysical opening and purification.

When the different chakras open, there will be a whole variety of unusual physical phenomena. At the throat there can be tension and coughing: I have seen people who sat and swallowed for days in a row. With the lower chakras, the initial opening can include tension and fear; there can be nausea and the release of vomiting. With the opening of the sexual chakra there can be other experiences, including visions of every kind of sexual encounter one can imagine, and tremendous waves of lust and rapture.

When the heart chakra opens, there is sweetness and love, but usually this is accompanied by a great deal of pain, because most of us have bands of tension and holding over our heart. In many retreats people, especially physicians and nurses, have come to me asking: “Please, could you call an ambulance? I am having a heart attack; I can tell, I know the symptoms. I am a physician. I understand this.” Or “It hurts here and it hurts my arm. It is my angina but it is worse now,” and so forth. And almost always what it is is the opening of the heart chakra.

I usually say to them, “What better place to die than a retreat? Don’t you think so?” We have not lost anybody yet, although some day it may happen. Still, it is important to have one’s heart opened. So I say: “Go back and sit. Either your heart will open in your body or out of your body. ”

There are many kinds of chakra experiences. The energy released can become very powerful, to the point where there is so much energy coursing through the body that one cannot sleep for a number of nights. The entire body will vibrate. There can be weeks where it is filled with fire and where vision is altered, almost as strongly as being on LSD. The eyes can burn and hurt, and many other kinds of symptoms can be involved.

Spiritual Emergency Stanislav & Christina Grof (editors)
Obstacles and Vicissitudes in Spiritual Practrice, Jack Kornfield
red22
red22
red22
non-drug psychedelia example #2
01/03/13. LSDenthusiast. Re: Meditation better than psychedelics?

Meditation is entirely worth it. To briefly give some back info on me. I've never given it up. I've been meditating daily for 8 or 9 years now. Plus other disciplines. But bringing awareness into everyday life is as important as meditation. And eventually your practice will merge into a new way of living. Otherwise if you separate your meditation from the rest of your life, you won't make much progress at all. It's all or nothing.

We have to get two things straight here first. Are you trying to get into non existence, which is when awareness is temporarily absorbed. There is no experience, no visions, no bliss, no awareness. Sometimes referred to as the Self (the capital S not little self) or Nirvikalpa Samadhi in Hinduism.

Or you're interested in exploring the more psychic/occult dimensions. There is an infinite number of experiences to be had through pursuing that. Which are amazing, however in my experience they happen suddenly and when you least expect them. They take you by surprise. Almost as if there is a chink in your armor and they slip right in unnoticed until Bam! There is an intense vision. As intense as psychedelics, if not more. And I've taken large amounts of smoked DMT and ayahuasca when I was younger. I no longer use any psychedelic at the moment and haven't in years.

Also another major Samadhi, is realizing you're the same life in everything. You realize I am Life, all pervasive through all forms. You see and feel yourself in everything. This can also be experienced with eyes opened. Its usually referred to as Savikalpa Samadhi in Hinduism. There is a specific way to steer yourself into all three of these.

What can be used to increase the intensity of meditation? Most people don't want to hear this, but its absolute 100% celibacy. Don't get me wrong, it won't be easy. You will at times struggle with intense desires. But its entirely worth it. If anyone wants to try it, you don't have to commit to it forever. Just say, "Ok, I'll fully commit to celibacy and meditation for 30 days" Meditate everyday. After that you can go back to not being celibate or maybe you'll want to go longer.

Another thing people don't mention often. Meditation combined with other disciplines will greatly speed up your karma. Meaning it will come at you stronger, faster and more at once. This is what gets people to stop meditating or the opposite is they get no benefits or experiences because they never fully committed to it.

Imagine a pot of water. Its relatively warm. Now you add in meditation and disciplines such as celibacy and the heat is turned up greatly. All of a sudden a rolling boil begins and lots of bubbles rise to the surface. That is the karma. This can stem from unresolved subconscious issues internally. Or more externalized Karma. I'm not saying this to scare people off, its just the way it is. If you don't believe me, try it out. Its life challenging you more, because your ready for it. How else are you going to grow and become more aware.

If you're interested, Hatha yoga is great for helping with being celibate. You will have a lot more physical energy. You need to exercise and/or do something to help transmute this excess. Most people knock Hatha yoga, because its so simple. But observe how you feel first, do them and observe how you feel afterwards. You'll be surprised. It doesn't need to take long. 15 minutes is fine. Try doing these poses, then afterwards sit down and meditate for however long you want. I highly recommend this link that has a series of hatha yoga with the best positions designed to ready the nervous system for meditation. I don't bother with the visualizations, I just deep breathe and relax. But if you want to do the them, go for it

http://ebooks.gutenberg.us/himalayanacademy/sacredhinduliterature/lws/lws_rs-01hy.html



...ha I'm surprised you remember me. Yeah I had a great time as a monk. Was living at the monastery for about 3 years. I went into it thinking I was going to stay for life, but my perspective changed with experience. I left mostly because I didn't have the enthusiasm for the culture as much as I had for the inner practices.
I realized being a hindu monk also involved being able to identify fully with the culture and to really feel 100% about every aspect of it. I don't feel as though I'm a part of any specific religious culture. I tend to agree with Mckenna about culture not being your friend. Still some of the best years of my life though.

02/01/12
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/15749123#15749123
red22
red22
red22
non-drug psychedelia example - Shroomery member
Date: 12/30/13

Exchange w/ Shroomery member ACaterpillar

Asked via PM if he ever ended up attending dhamma.org's free 10-day meditation retreat. Subject had previously announced on the message board that he had booked a reservation for it.

-Are you referring to the ten day silent meditation retreats?

-Yeah. Subsequent to my PM, I saw a post of yours where you said you did it. However, you didn't elaborate much. How intense of an experience did it yield?

-I would say it was incredibly intense.
By the end of the retreat I was entering very deep places and having alex grey-esque visions.
Entity contact, "out of body" experiences.
But those things are really just distractions, and if you want to take it as far as possible then you have to not let yourself get carried away by these fanciful things.

The retreat also has had an incredibly lasting effect on me.
My awareness of my self is incredibly heightened now.
My awareness isn't near as developed and penetrating as it was when I finished the retreat; but because of the familiarity I now have with those deeper parts of my consciousness I can return back to them with ease.

I'd recommend it over any psychedelic.


But I also don't think most people gain as much from the retreats as I happened to.


-Wow, all that from 10 days. I'm seriously impressed.

In regard to you having an above-average experience, were raised in an exceedingly pure way in regard to health? i.e. very good diet and good quality water. Because they say that a one who is ravaged with things like fluoride and general poor health is inhibited from higher consciousness stuff. Also, were you vaccinated?


-I was vaccinated and considering that I drink tap water and eat food from American restaurants I would say my body hasn't had the cleanest experience.

I attribute my ability to pull more from the experience because of several things.
One of them being my previous work with psychedelics which I believed helped dissolve certain filters that society conditions us to develop.
Also I think your past lives have a large role to play in your predispotions and current mental circumstance in this life.
red22
red22
cj
This entry is for you
Im not a perfect person. Even without the heroin influencing my actions. I have flaws hopefully you can accept that. In fact the only thing I have to offer at this point to anyone is my loyalty,trust, and love both platonic and sexual because I want a best friend and a lover rolled into one. I'm not saying that I think that will happen in a couple days or a week. It's a process to me like building a house. Trust is the foundation. I will be honest about everything even though the thought of barring my soul like that scares me senseless. But I know it wont happen overnight. Given time though why cant it work? We could do something people say is crazy and make it work. Would be a pretty cool story. A redemption tale.

As you get to know me you will find i am humble and quiet but don't mistake those traits for insecurity or doubt that would be a grave mistake. Cause I know exactly where my loyalty and values lay as they have been tested extensively. But I'm not here to compare scars.. Nahh I am looking for a new start. A fresh beginning on this path I chose. Im not scared to take a detour and I don't believe in coincidences.

All it takes is one look at my right arm crook to remind me why I am leaving the past. Then one look at my foot tells me I am indeed moving forward one tiny step at a time. I am so much older and wiser than I was at the start of the journey that I want to say I am now "experienced". But that experience was costly to gain in terms of friendships, trust, and self respect. Many lost much more though some even lost there lives and it easily could have been me dead with them. I have literally done everything I tell green lighters not too. Shared needles never did test shots looked for the edge with a passion that I now find disconcerting. Through it all I had my eyes open so don't accuse me of stupidity or naïveté. I played with fire because I wanted to feel the heat. But I'm ready to give it up. There's no more fun in living rush to rush needle to vien. I have 74 blog entry's detailing my love affair with heroin there will not be a 75th. The rest of my life started this morning. What is beautiful about it is that its not dependent on anyone or anything but me. My fate is in my hands. And I am so fucking tired of being my own worst enemy. The self destruction ends here today. NO FUCKING MORE SELF HATE. I am a good fucking person and I am going to prove it. LSD taught me there are no coincidences so my living is no accident. I am here to help someone or do something. I am going to pursue it with all I got my friends.

I'm done with heroin but don't worry you want see me preaching the 12 steps or spirituality. God,Jesus,Buddha,Allah it doesn't matter they are not coming to save any of us. And that's a gift for real. Cause when I succeed it's not just me succeeding it's my family my friends it's that random guy at the show who gave me water when I was thirsty. It's the knowledge I gained here at bluelight. So many members past and present I can't really name who have left there wisdom on this forum. I can't even count how many times I saved my own life with knowledge gained on here. This teaching was coupled with such a accepting giving community. This place has been my refuge over the years. I'm more honest here than I am with my best friends.
cj
cj
subotai
state of the union v humbugs and bullshit
apparently I had deleted a blog in august that I wrote. when I was drunk. either way, here it is in its entirety

NSFW:
drunk dgaf 0 Comments
by subotai , 10-08-2014 at 21:07 (14 Views)
first off, I might have drank a little bit? w/e it's legal so sue me IMO


- my brother is a fucking *RACIST N WORd*


and no, I don't think that is a racist comment because it's not even about skin color, it's a lifestyle. He never brings shit to the table, yet always expects a seat at it. Yeah, that is ok when you are fucking 10 years old but seriously grow the fuck up dude. Buy your own fucking weed. Buy your own fucking alcohol. or just die, seriously you'd solve like a dozen different problems if you just died. All of your friends would rather hang out with me than you but I don't even want to hang out with them. You don't even chill with anyone besides some 18 year old black kids and your hood girlfriend with 3 kids and youre halfway to 27 at this point in time. You have no discernible skills, yet you never seem to shut the fuck up. Newsflash bro, people only appreciate nonstop chatter if you actually know what the fuck you are talking about. you can't even download pirated movies on my computer without fucking up and wasting my blank DVDs. seriously, fucking die, and I don't feel bad for saying that because it's what everyone else is thinking anyway


- customers who are overly enthusiastic towards me at work and surprised when I don't react the same way


yeah, sweet dude, youre getting FUCKED UP tonight on that bottle of Jager. I don't give a fuck. You get to walk into one of 10,000 places to buy liquor for about 14 hours a day, 7 days a week, and you act like I'm supposed to give a fuck. I have to plan my whole day around just getting heroin, have to be in the exact right spot at the exact right time with the exact right amount of money. You can't even remember to bring your fucking wallet into a liquor store and want to bitch at me for closing at 5pm on Sundays. Maybe if you planned ahead a bit I wouldn't have to slam the door on your face. Yeah, I'm sure youre in a great mood as you buy 15 different bottles of $40 wine and put it all on your credit card then ask me to help you carry it out to your car. I'm sorry, are you recovering from two broken hands? or are you just a douchebag who views the retail industry as your slaves? Some guy got all offended the other day because I said:


me- "how are ya?"
douche- "do you really care?"
me- "that's what I say to everyone actually"
douche- "so you don't care?"
me- "I'm not saying that, that's just what I say to everyone"
douche- "ok well just don't say anything then"
me- "debit or credit?"
douche- "credit"
me- "ok youre gonna have to sign on the bottom of the pad there"
douche-"yeah I know, I'm a big boy, I've done this before"


and at this point I just shut it down completely, say nothing, and stare at him until he leaves the store.


I'm sorry, did you want me to jump across the counter and knock you the fuck out in front of you unattractive wife? If I wasn't so sure that was the real cause of your doucheness, I would gladly fight a man in his mid 40's with nothing better to do than talk shit unprovoked to some kid who does nothing but bag your shit up like a fucking NASCAR pit change


people who are heavier than you think it's all fun and games until they are fucking unconscious, and if I didn't need this job for the next 4 months, I don't know if I would have made it this far


you know what, fuck wine drinkers in general. drink straight liquor like a man or get the fuck out of my face you FUCKING. PUSSY. No, I don't care about which year was better than which, and in 15 years I'm going to be telling people which marijuana strains to smoke instead of what Pinot Grigio tastes like. and all the people who gave a fuck about wine in the first place are going to come in to the weed store and now I'M THE EXPERT. Oh I'm sorry, turns out I really don't give a fuck if you enjoy this or not, give me your money and shut the fuck up.


people think retail is about customer service, which is partly true. but when your retail establishment has no competitors it is about one thing, the money being right. now shut the fuck up and swipe you credit card before I deem you too drunk to make this transaction and require no proof other than me wanting to make your life as miserable as possible


-society's image of the Nazis


seriously, they get no credit for shit when in reality they were one of the most ahead of their time civilizations in history. Yeah, I get it, the Holocaust was bad. Too bad "holocausts" have been happening since the dawn of time. Ask any Native American how they feel about the Jewish Holocaust. they'd be like.....what? Ask any Armenian how they feel about the Jewish Holocaust. Ask any Kurd how they feel about the Jewish Holocaust. get the fuck over it, the only reason it is even as big of a deal as other genocides is because enough rich Jewish people bitched enough to make a museum out of it. and all Israel does is step on Arab nation's toes all the fucking time knowing full well that they'll get away with it. I'm not a Palestinian sympathizer, but damn did they get shit on by society. "hey we know you've been living here for the longest time but now you need to get the fuck out because we feel bad for these whiners and don't want them in our countries anymore so we made a nation for them in the smack middle of a bunch of pissed off Arabs who were forcibly made to accept it as what was going to happen with no say in the matter, all because some bullshit scripture said they might have posted up there for a bit way before anyone can fucking remember"


but yeah, Palestinians, WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO RUDE?


oh yeah, because the very existence of Israel is bullshit to begin with and it's not hard to see how the rich take care of the rich. now fucking cry about it as we bulldoze your shitty mud house with our American supplied tanks. now let's all act so fucking outraged and surprised when Arabs go and fly a plane into the physical representation of American arrogance (9/11 if that went over your head and into the 78th floor) and it only cost you like 20 thousand dollars for some flying lessons and a small apartment for a few months. You brought this "War On Terror" on yourselves Muslims, now cower in fear as we launch UAV drones worth billions of dollars to blow up a shack worth 15 cents somewhere in Northwest Pakistan and kill 29 children but miss the intended "terrorist" anyway because he's actually in a cave somewhere or better yet, down the street from a fucking Pakistani Intelligence HQ. Yeah, that'll fucking show em who's boss


news flash fuckheads, George Washington was a "terrorist" in his day. and he's only on every fucking $1 bill and quarter in existence.


it's kind of funny to read that in hindsight. Im not an angry drunk either, I just like to play the villain I guess. Im not a drunk at all actually, i just happened to be working at a liquor store and would take the mini bottles put on necks of actual bottles to try new shit.

I'll turn down an offer to donate to charity and not even feel bad about it. and they always pull that shit at the cash register when you're staring at a total of over 50 dollars it seems.

"hey, want to donate a dollar to some *issue of the month* charity?"

uh, no I dont, actually. if I did, I would have stopped at the fucking pity party aisle and picked up a huge bag of fucks to give about your bullshit charity.

"well it's only a dollar"

ok, well 0 divided by 1 is still 0 and that's still the amount of fucks I give. so you do the math. It's not that I don't want charities to do their thing, I just dont want to be guilted into doing anything. my life fucking sucks enough, I dont have any emotion left for "less fortunate"

"oh you just have to be more cognizant of other people's hardships"

fuck that, I just used the word cognizant in a sentence you dont have the right to tell me to do anything you slut. I'll feel bad for people when people leave me the fuck alone. what a perpetual cop out. love it.

and I hate christmas. HATE IT. I dont want to interact with you 364 days of the year, some wrongly dated biblical bullshit wont make that any different. they didnt even use the same calendar we used now in jesus' time, highly doubt the 25th means anything

and while were at it, I hate the apostrophe after a word that ends in "s" thing. just looks stupid, should have been avoided by whoever thought of this shit

All I want to do is get high on heroin and watch sports on tv. mainly so I can be a total hipster when the 76ers become relevant again. see people on the street and be like "hey you remember Jarvis Varnado" and theyll be like wtf and ill be like "YEAH THATS RIGHT. you foam fingered FUCK. you dont deserve season tickets because you drive a 2015 Toyota BANDWAGON"

but Im not gonna say any of that because I dont really care, I just like to hear myself spit venom about stuff because the bottom line is the things I like to do (drugs, avoid doing things, talking shit on charities) are highly frowned upon by society so fuck it, ill highly frown right back. Ill frown even higher, I got nothing better to do. whatever the fuck that means anyway, pretty sure you frown at a horizontal angle perpindicular to the end of this blog.
subotai
subotai
ilovecrystal
Chemical choices
This is just a little poem I wrote about a year ago whilst on MXE. This was the first draft so it's not perfect, I can't find the edit anywhere. Hope you enjoy it :)


Waking up from a sleepy haze
The start of a brand new day
No day is ever the same
Sometimes filled with laughter
Sometimes filled with shame

Chemical thoughts race through me
Swaying me back and forth
Letting the thoughts be

Controlling my own reality
I use my own biology
And the knowledge of my mind
with tools I have come to find
Creating a consciousness
That is not blind
But abstract
Keeping this little mind on track

The control is addictive
The idea of it,
Attractive

Thick ice sliding down my throat
Now I feel like a boat a float
Riding the waves of the sea
Just letting the world be

Life is a fairground
A rollercoaster to most
But I wont line up at the same post
I see the bigger picture
I try the other rides
In search of new things
A new perception
Of the things that I have known
Gaining the knowledge
These chemicals have shown

The beauty
The reality
The lack of community
The wonders that can be
If we could only
Set our minds free
Legally
Chemically
free
ilovecrystal
ilovecrystal
dopemaster
Regrets are not worth having
I used to have a terrible attitude and sometimes still do. I felt like I wasn't dealt a fair hand for most my life.

I have been through some things no one should have to. But still those experiences made me the man I am today.

I was a jerk for a long time and it got to the point where people called me on my shit. I've lost friends and relationships with irreparable damage.

Tine doesn't heal all wounds, so it is what it is. I was speaking to a friend trying to tell him he had to accept some things as they were as that is the only way I can make peace with some things.

I change what I can and sometimes I fail because the change was not meant to happen but evert once in a while there is a significant reward for mending things.

I was at a point where I felt a need for redemption for soome things. I did some volunteer work, made some apologies, and let some people know I had no quarrels with them. It helped.

Good things happen with time and sometimes I have to step back and take a realistic look at how things were. I realized I couldn't be mad over things in life that just are not fair or just can't be changed.

Most of wisdom comes at a price. If I learn from my mistakes I can't regret them. I can't carrt a grudge as it is more weight than I can carry.

As far as forgiveness it is easier to forgive in your heart than in person. Sometimes people live so wrong it is best to just stay away despite what you think of them.

For me that is difficult with women I have feelings for but can't see because I can't afford their problems in my life. I can't let anyone's problems become my own. I am not talking about helping someone fix their car.... I will lend someone a hand if I have time especially if they would do it for me.

I see a clear line between a user and abuser when it comes to having fun in that way. I have to avoid people with that one track mind even if they mean well.

My friend gave me some advice years ago and I remember exactly wgat he said: There are good times and there are bad times, sometimes the bad times seem longer ir unbearable but its up to you basically to get through, the goid times make life worth living and they do last longer, they are just easier to take for granted"

I find a true friend to be worth more than all aquaintances combined. Sure you might know alot if people you may call friends but when shit gets real you will find out fast if you don't already know who is a true friend.

I say fuck living in denial, blaminf others for your problems as an adult, and fuck regretting your past mistakes.

Sometimes the only way you learn is the hard way and that a bitter pill to swallow. As much as I wish things were different sometimes I have to realize something similar would have happened if I had not learned.

All in all I find I find seeing things fir what they are and moving forward to be the best and only sensible way to live.

I still think you should go for what you want in life ir fuck up trying and then try again until you get it right. Life is too short to dwell. The only regret you can honestly have is never trying and its never too late to at least make the best of your situation.
dopemaster
dopemaster
Elkat13
Haiku of the Day-Our Fallen Brothers
Our Fallen Brothers

​
herbavore
herbavore
Elkat13
WRITTEN OFF: The Short, Sad, Beautiful Life of Matt Edwards
I recently received an email from a woman whose son, Matt, passed away too early from a heroin overdose. You may have read her blog before, http://mydeadsonsjournals.wordpress.com.

As personal as it is, her story is one that can sadly be repeated all over the country. Every day people die from heroin and painkiller abuse. Despite that, everyday new people decide to experiment with the drug as well. There is no doubt that each and every one of you is affected by opiate abuse in someway. You may not know your friend or family member is addicted, but chances are there is someone close to you in your life who is.

Before anything serious can be done to combat this issue, we as a country have to recognize the magnitude of the problem. The problem is most people are ashamed and embarrassed of their or their loved one's addiction. So they stay in the shadows and don't talk about it in order to save face with their neighbors and communities. But Matt's mom is taking a very admirable and proactive approach to this often dark and secretive issue by trying to fund a film that will bring heroin addiction to the forefront of our minds. You can view the trailer and campaign video below.

[video]https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1928235665/written-off-the-short-sad-beautiful-life-of-matt-e[/video]​

If this is an issue that is important to you, if human liberty and respect for all people is important to you, join Matt's mom by donating whatever you can to get this film off the ground. They only have 21 days to raise the money. Every little bit helps, so no donation is too small.

I'd like to thank Matt's mom for bringing this to my attention. I hope this blog post helps her raise the money she needs, and that this film will go on to help everybody who is struggling with an opiate addiction.
herbavore
herbavore
SB1981
"Bleed and Feed"
NSFW:
<3:!
SB1981
SB1981
chainsawr
avatar[s].gif
my creations:

- [] - ​
Click to expand...

- [] - ​
Click to expand...

- [] - ​
Click to expand...

- [] - ​
Click to expand...


so did you like my creative use of the strike bb-code?
MissBehavin'_416
MissBehavin'_416
You must log in or register to post here.
Top