Im not a perfect person. Even without the heroin influencing my actions. I have flaws hopefully you can accept that. In fact the only thing I have to offer at this point to anyone is my loyalty,trust, and love both platonic and sexual because I want a best friend and a lover rolled into one. I'm not saying that I think that will happen in a couple days or a week. It's a process to me like building a house. Trust is the foundation. I will be honest about everything even though the thought of barring my soul like that scares me senseless. But I know it wont happen overnight. Given time though why cant it work? We could do something people say is crazy and make it work. Would be a pretty cool story. A redemption tale.
As you get to know me you will find i am humble and quiet but don't mistake those traits for insecurity or doubt that would be a grave mistake. Cause I know exactly where my loyalty and values lay as they have been tested extensively. But I'm not here to compare scars.. Nahh I am looking for a new start. A fresh beginning on this path I chose. Im not scared to take a detour and I don't believe in coincidences.
All it takes is one look at my right arm crook to remind me why I am leaving the past. Then one look at my foot tells me I am indeed moving forward one tiny step at a time. I am so much older and wiser than I was at the start of the journey that I want to say I am now "experienced". But that experience was costly to gain in terms of friendships, trust, and self respect. Many lost much more though some even lost there lives and it easily could have been me dead with them. I have literally done everything I tell green lighters not too. Shared needles never did test shots looked for the edge with a passion that I now find disconcerting. Through it all I had my eyes open so don't accuse me of stupidity or naïveté. I played with fire because I wanted to feel the heat. But I'm ready to give it up. There's no more fun in living rush to rush needle to vien. I have 74 blog entry's detailing my love affair with heroin there will not be a 75th. The rest of my life started this morning. What is beautiful about it is that its not dependent on anyone or anything but me. My fate is in my hands. And I am so fucking tired of being my own worst enemy. The self destruction ends here today. NO FUCKING MORE SELF HATE. I am a good fucking person and I am going to prove it. LSD taught me there are no coincidences so my living is no accident. I am here to help someone or do something. I am going to pursue it with all I got my friends.
I'm done with heroin but don't worry you want see me preaching the 12 steps or spirituality. God,Jesus,Buddha,Allah it doesn't matter they are not coming to save any of us. And that's a gift for real. Cause when I succeed it's not just me succeeding it's my family my friends it's that random guy at the show who gave me water when I was thirsty. It's the knowledge I gained here at bluelight. So many members past and present I can't really name who have left there wisdom on this forum. I can't even count how many times I saved my own life with knowledge gained on here. This teaching was coupled with such a accepting giving community. This place has been my refuge over the years. I'm more honest here than I am with my best friends.
As you get to know me you will find i am humble and quiet but don't mistake those traits for insecurity or doubt that would be a grave mistake. Cause I know exactly where my loyalty and values lay as they have been tested extensively. But I'm not here to compare scars.. Nahh I am looking for a new start. A fresh beginning on this path I chose. Im not scared to take a detour and I don't believe in coincidences.
All it takes is one look at my right arm crook to remind me why I am leaving the past. Then one look at my foot tells me I am indeed moving forward one tiny step at a time. I am so much older and wiser than I was at the start of the journey that I want to say I am now "experienced". But that experience was costly to gain in terms of friendships, trust, and self respect. Many lost much more though some even lost there lives and it easily could have been me dead with them. I have literally done everything I tell green lighters not too. Shared needles never did test shots looked for the edge with a passion that I now find disconcerting. Through it all I had my eyes open so don't accuse me of stupidity or naïveté. I played with fire because I wanted to feel the heat. But I'm ready to give it up. There's no more fun in living rush to rush needle to vien. I have 74 blog entry's detailing my love affair with heroin there will not be a 75th. The rest of my life started this morning. What is beautiful about it is that its not dependent on anyone or anything but me. My fate is in my hands. And I am so fucking tired of being my own worst enemy. The self destruction ends here today. NO FUCKING MORE SELF HATE. I am a good fucking person and I am going to prove it. LSD taught me there are no coincidences so my living is no accident. I am here to help someone or do something. I am going to pursue it with all I got my friends.
I'm done with heroin but don't worry you want see me preaching the 12 steps or spirituality. God,Jesus,Buddha,Allah it doesn't matter they are not coming to save any of us. And that's a gift for real. Cause when I succeed it's not just me succeeding it's my family my friends it's that random guy at the show who gave me water when I was thirsty. It's the knowledge I gained here at bluelight. So many members past and present I can't really name who have left there wisdom on this forum. I can't even count how many times I saved my own life with knowledge gained on here. This teaching was coupled with such a accepting giving community. This place has been my refuge over the years. I'm more honest here than I am with my best friends.
