I started yesterday as I do most days grabbing for my phone as my first link to the cold world outside my blankets. I checked my texts then logged onto facebook. What I saw made me blink twice and wonder for a second if I was understanding what I read correctly or someone was spreading rumors again. But as I scrolled down the page it became apparent that the worst was true. Dead at 25. Reading the condolences on your wall it becomes apparent to me from the responses that something socially unacceptable was the cause of your demise. I cant say I was really surprised after all you where the first person I ever knew who went to rehab. Yeah 8th grade and you where already fighting your demons. Sad in retrospect but at the time I thought you where the hottest girl in the school. I day dreamed that you would invite me to get high or need my help in some way. That never happened and time and life moved on. You changed schools and I found drugs but I never forgot about you. I was intrigued when you friended me on facebook last year. I wondered how you even remembered me. I saw the pictures of your husband and little girl and felt relief that it looked like you had a normal life. I am sorry to say that we never messaged, or that I didn't run into you at courtyard one drunken night. but it wasn't meant to be. I am sorry to say that I wont be posting this on your fb wall or be at your funeral tomorrow. I am not much of a grief tourist who claims every dead person who I didn't have the time for in life was a friend in death. But wherever you are out there in the cosmos just know that you had a small impact on my life. That I grieve for your little girl who just lost her mother. And that a wonder why you are gone but I am still here.
