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just positing to remind myself that I am STILL sober and approaching the 4 or 5 month mark - man, its been so good that I lost track.

things truly have been on the up and up; between getting clean, the move, car and work, I couldnt ask for more right now. the sad part is I am somewhat scared things are going too well and it will all be a disappointment soon enough but fuck that, I am happy and its because I am NOT ON DRUGS!

even made the drop down to 8MG bupe and feeling better than when I was at the 16 and 12 mark! I made the drop because my dick was not working to its high potential at the 16 or 12MG mark, so decided to drop to 8MG and it's been ROCKING since, ha. I feel like I am 16 again and watching porn more than once a day; the GF will love this "new" dick of mine, ha.

so yea, down to 8MG bupe, 1600MG GABA and only taking Seroquel once or twice a week to help sleep; my sleep schedule has gotten pretty good since making the job change and the bupe change.

so yes, things seem to be going well. I live in Boston and was down the Square today and had a few people run up to me an offer me dope and benzos and just brushed them off and went and got a fruit smoothie at Dunkin Donuts! BOOM, its that easy! plus, buying from randoms off the street was never my thing anyway; I dont trust people enough to buy from a random; I also dont know what I am getting and at this point last thing I need is to slip and end up dropping dead.

but yea, just wanted to check in w/ the rest of the board and let you guys know I am somehow, someway, still fucking sober and enjoying my life for the first time in a long ass time!
G

ot any water bongs for show?



Swim is working on that 'self-controll' here, fucking wants to hit that shit so bad, lmao and its near 3:am and swim got work in the morning (up by 6;30am). So after tweeking the picture to death came out all like,yep on swim table is where he hits bong and lul@funny papers.

Fish got some more , one time this fish i know used a long ass piece of those 'hot-rail hospital grade' tubes,and almost got it down pact on 'how to smoke while being in another room'(like shower,closet,under computer desk,etc).
Totally buy this fish's shit once it comes out!! Yo fish said that they found all the shit in *that droor' and yep swim went up for air.*blubbblubb*
That shit streched to like ;how many ever flicks was in that bic lighter.lmao=howfar shit streched.lmao
Swim gotta go uhhh court with a chickfish.


C fishs other bubbles..!



-blubblubb-
With all of this rushing from point A to point B, I hope I remember to smell the flowers.

Well, here's me smelling the flowers. Do you ever look at the sky during sunset on a warm day? Do you see the neon pink and the gold, and think to yourself, "my god, that looks like pastels! So smooth and creamy." How can something be so beautiful?

Nature seriously gives me goosebumps, it's such a sight.

Always amazing me.

Then there's the times driving to work, it's 4:30 AM. Rain has fallen, everything is wet. But God, how the lights reflect on the road. I think to myself, "i need to call off and paint this, NOW. Go get my canvas, my acrylics, my brushes and find a place to park and paint this." Do I ever? No. I have responsibilities of course. But now the image is only a faded memory.

The rushing, rushing, rushing is ruining me.
Yeah. My dog, my baby, she is sitting here in pretty bad shape. I don't know if she will die soon, or if I'm just torturing her, by "keeping her alive". I've never euthanized a dog and I'm not sure that I can. But she is suffering. Not to an insane degree, but clearly suffering....

Now, my cat died, so, obviously, I have to bury her. Right now. And I'm not in very good shape! I'm so tiny and weak, (in general) that the only way that I can dig a hole is by using a pick ax.... So, here I go, this is not cool. I don't have my proper meds and I'm VERY sick.

And,,, I just felt like "bloggin' about it.

I apologize! This is a super depressing "first blog" , but that's where i am right now....

~AvA~
Since I have been told I am God in several places on Bluelight but do not consider myself a God, I will call myself The Prophet of Dreams for now. I really dropped the ball on the Afghanistan earthquake, I could see an attempt at contact was being made through Bluelight and brushed it off because everyone interferes and blocks my reception of messages. But here is a little something:


Magnitude 5.1 aftershock 6:05 PM UTC Tuesday Afghanistan
Magnitude 5.6 aftershock 12:20AM UTC Wednesday Afghanistan
Tropical low in Indian Ocean develops into a tropical storm Wednesday Oct 28

[PARIS TORNADO SECTION]
Paris Texas Tornado April 16th 2016 6:20P CDTM EF2 tornado - destroys my house
as EF-2 and hits We-Pack as EF-1
havent used in quite sometime; well, sometime to me is a few months but to others maybe years or so. but yes, I was a super junked out motherfucker! shooting a G+/day - whether it be in the bathroom at the office, a local Dunkin Donuts, or on my couch, a needle was always there w/ me and usually would be in my arm! just thinking that was only a few months back blows my mind! I feel SO OVER IT and fee like its been years and years.. but it hasnt! and I need to realize that its only been a few months.. although it feels like a few years!

I get worried that I am finding this time around too easy to stay sober!? why!? where was this the last 10yrs of my life, when I would shoot dope EVERY FUCKING DAY and be absolutely miserable and put myself in such a fucking HOLE IN LIFE! but lets fast forward 3 months and here I am now feeling like I am on top of the world and have this drug game all figured out, ha.

I started on 16MG/bupe because I had to do a mandatory 2 week DUI program; so I saw a bupe Dr. the week before I went away because I needed to get through that program or it was back to jail! well, the program was easy and the bupe kept me sane/alive. the day I got out I shot dope and woke up 8hrs later on the floor, ha. maybe 12hrs, I forget. then I shot the rest of the dope I had and woke up ANOTHER 8hrs later. nothing was easy and I was DUMB AS A MOFO! but either way, I used and used.

a month or two went by and come June I decided enough was enough; I was still scripted the bupe and figured I'd give it ANOTHER TRY! I was once 9 months "clean" on bupe but ended up back on dope - this was 3yrs ago! well, here I am now, clean, ON BUPE, and doing great! things seem even easier this time around - it worries me how easy things seem, as you can tell.. esp. since I write a fucking "blog" about it, ya dig!?!?

anyone else out there ever get "clean" and find it easy!? and you start to think back WHY, WHY, WHY!? did you fuck up the way you did. every time I "tried" to be clean I never could and always thought about the drugs or something negative, but this time I am truly happy w/ life, the way I live, who I am with, what I do, etc.

I changed A LOT OF THINGS! maybe this had something to do w/ it.

NEW -
apartment/location
girlfriend
job
friends
hobbies
etc

that is why I am clean, right? or maybe because I am a fucking genius who figured out how to beat this addiction thing.. oh wait, I am addicted to bupe.. my bad! but I am still a genius.
... then I'd start my own lab, legally synthesizing all these endlessly amazing new possible psychoactives (novel antidepressants, anxiolytics, treatments for all kind of serious disorders etc) that are either in slow development or get shelved off due to possible abuse concerns, because they did not behave well in stupidly retarded animal tests or just fall through the statistics because they only work for fraction of sufferers.

Working with doctors, graduates & clinics to do real trials of them & allow the individuals responding to them to instantly benefit from the ongoing research.
But the world is not the nice place it could be. :(

--

I don't get it why they have withdrawn pemoline almost worldwide (with the exception of Japan) due to some rare & possibly overstated liver damage when it was a superior ADHD treatment but they are still selling Desoxyn. Really. It's so stupid (we don't have Desoxyn here in Europe though & even d-amphetamine is only available by exceptional prescription. Ironically to see that the leading country in prohibition, the US, have methamphetamine available on prescription.)

Isopropylphenidate is a real advance in my eyes when it comes to uppers and I truly hope they will approve it anytime soon (which will not happen probably & the RC business will more likely make it vanish) for ADHD, as the patent is already out there. It is a so much cleaner & better variant of MPH with very little of the negatives.
Again one more thing I don't get why MPH has been around for decades but no one cared to screen for better analogues.

--

I like to dream though. Call me manic if you want, but I'm somewhat convinced I wouldn't make the world a worse place as it currently is if they would let me to push some of my imaginations through %)

Sometimes simple things could be actually so overly simple that nobody thinks of them ;) like ending the War on Drugs (okay, here many very valuable professionals have vouched for but the stupid politicians and masses don't listen to them).
Our bodies moving straight, on opposite sides of each other, left & right. I can hear the pitter-patter of fate in the distance.Farther & further. As quickly as our eyes sought each other out it faded away, like the leaves being picked up by the wind of our feet.
---->Fall is my favorite season. The colors, the perfect weather. My allergies get worse, but other than that it is my favorite.<----

Think about it, it's nature doing its natural process of keeping itself in tip-top shape. The plants die and become reborn, and you get to watch it all happen. Us humans, are luckier than we think. Seriously though, I don't know why people say "the world sucks". It's the not the world, it's peoples habitual and basic instincts that suck. The violence in our blood.

The world is beautiful. Truly a site to see, and I wouldn't want to be on any other planet than the one I am living on now. Fall is my favorite, cause even in death there is re-birth and beauty.

-Tara L.
Then I am sorry. I am not all together right now but well I am really happy to be alive. Plus all my friends are asleep. But shit its a drug website right! Oh also just because I mod sober living doesn't mean I am sober all the time. I really feel like this is going to be a process for me with total dead sobriety not being the goal. I do hope I can help some people though or at least keep that part of the site functioning. Really looking forward to being able to represent this site that I really have come to love. I post at reddit and the former opiophile under a different name and they always talk bad about Bloolight. Well I like being able to say this site is my internet home.

I like that we accept everyone regardless of knowledge. We wash the unwashed masses so to speak. But IMO the mods over in OD and the other focus forums are doing gods work. I really encourage all the long time members to go answer a couple questions for someone. Get back to what brought us here before the community. Ok I am on speed and im gonna stop typing soon. lol

Ok but I love this site and I love its members! I am so happy to be able to say I am on staff. I feel like the circle is made after almost 10 years here overall and since 2008 as CJ. I am really proud of all of you who make this place what it is. Hell I am happy to be alive and not in the shrine! I almost died from heroin. It would have been fucked up. Please everyone be safe this weekend and shit! I am going to get my methadone dose now then to sleep. haha my blog can ramble if I need to.

Also FFS see "The Wire" best freaking tv show ever. Also I recommend all you who want to try heroin read "Trainspotting" by Irving Welsh. I just PMed someone with a very spun out reason he should check those out. Like I will freaking never read a book twice and im not religious but that book I have read 10 times and it still gets me everytime. Also I swear on my uncles grave that I will not get this spun out by myself ever again. Im usually really normal. lol.

PLUR
CJ
Drew yeah that's my name I don't give a fuck DEA.
I think I am on to something...trying to set up this system. It took me weeks (actually years in the bigger picture) of trial & error and studious brainstorming. If I am successful with the implementation of this system,, I will further secure my place outside of society as an independent animal. The less people I am around, the less rules I have to follow. True freedom is being subject to only natural law -- the inherent perils and pleasures of various aspects of nature -- as opposed to the socially enforced adherence to artificial constructs.

I thought I got out of the darkness.
I must have been kidding myself. It's darker than ever where I stand. It feels as though my soul has been sold, and there is no getting it back.
Don't ever fuck with opiates.
If you are reading this.
They will throw everything you care about out of sight, out of mind, and make room for nothing but wanting more to get high. Get a rush that lasts no more than a minute or two.
I feel like a fool for falling into this trap.
I have to escape and never look back.
How will I get out?
No idea.
Every time I think I've figured it out, I fall even deeper.
:p
I have been a save-the-planet type of environmentalist since before I was a preteen.

Climate change (with its surplus of support being evinced by scientists and intellectuals, and having been corroborated by a seemingly inexhaustible amount of practically incontrovertible and exceedingly rigorous scientific research, data, and careful analyses) was the first topic I had researched extensively about what I was lead to think of as humanity's thoughtless destruction, greedy and haphazard despoilment, and unchecked and unconcerned depletion of the lithosphere and decimation of its biosphere.

That was when I was about 13 years old.

When I got a little older, I remember stumbling upon this very popular YouTube video (q.v. https://youtu.be/zORv8wwiadQ) wherein some guy, Greg Craven, argues the case for environmentalism by essentially narrowing the situation down to essentially two choices:

Choice A.) Humanity can be incredulous and skeptical about climate change, then do nothing to prevent or curtail or reverse the damages the planet has so far sustained, only for us all to be annihilated by the possibility of some self-caused natural calamity we never prepared for or tried to prevent or even acknowledged; or

Choice B.) Humanity can invest money to fund taking action to prevent or prepare for such a calamity, regardless of whether the science is mistaken and the data are wrong, effectively preventing our almost certain extinction from an environmental threat—whether imaginary or real.


Obviously, at least to thinking humans, choice B, while possibly advancing the allocation of trillions of dollars in the desperate hope to protect something that may be either unprotectible or unreal, is most sensible of the two choices. It would be tantamount to buying an umbrella today to prevent getting soaked by a rainstorm tomorrow. Even if those forecasted torrential rains never come, having the umbrella without needing it still seems more sensible to me than needing the umbrella and not having it.

But lately, my opinions have changed. Here's why:

1.) Mass extinction events are a frequent occurrence on Earth (consider the worldwide extinction of the dinosaurs and all other animals larger than, say, a chihuahua which occurred 65 million years ago, all by single a meteor).

2.) It is therefore reasonable to assume that such a terrifyingly destructive extraterrestrial threat will happen again. It's just a matter of time before a monstrosity of a meteor, for example, comes into our trajectory and we don't have the technological capabilities to thwart or explode the largest rocks in even the meteor belt just past Mars. What about a very unfortunately well-aimed gamma ray burst?

3.) Worse still, what if we were to invest in the preservation of our Earth's geologically very brief period of human-sustaining conditions, but our efforts and endeavors are still as unavailing as if we hadn't done anything? What then? We've only wasted money and time without anything tangible or appreciable to show for it.

4.) In light of this diversity of known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns (Rumsfeld allusion; his logic is perfectly valid here) of threats which may have results of inescapable mass death and extinction, as well as the irony of humanity trying to clean up and "save" a planet we were too irresponsible to keep clean and safe for millennia in the first place, the aforementioned "case" for environmentalism seems more of a false dichotomy than a collectively exhaustive binary set of events.

5.) How can we trust our race to fix what we were too stupid or careless or irresponsible to not break at the outset? Any possible solution to our environmental malady couldn't possibly be trusted to work if the responsibility or onus of finding and implementing that solution falls on the people (our race) that proved their impotence and incompetence by first having caused the problem we now feel drunk enough on our own pseudo-omnipotent abilities to remedy. That's not advisable, it is disquietingly absurd.

6.) Is saving the planet (or, to put it less euphemistically and magnanimous, saving ourselves) even feasible over the long run? Or do we not care and are simply trying to insert meaning into our lives by deluding ourselves into accepting the preposterous notion that we humans can actually save a whole planet (but can barely locate a matching pair of socks in the morning)? And by recycling? Being vegan? Come on. I'd call it stupid, but it seems more like societal schizophrenia than plain imprudence.

7.) Since this rock called Earth and all its biology and geology will eventually die or become unrecognizably disfigured no matter what we do or do not do whilst blindly in love with this flawed and faltering planet, and since planting urban gardens, restoring the rainforests, saving the ozone, etc., are all patently abortive, why don't we do the exact opposite of environmentalism? I personally think we evolved our incredible brains not just to sit on this blue-green boulder for the entirety of our species short existence and act as its bodyguard.

8.) Rather, I think we should mine, excavate, dredge up, disinter, and use every resource this incommodious little rock harbors. We should use every nutrient, every element and their isotopes, every thing there is to take for the taking. Then, cooperating all as one race and with every human's helping hand, we should invest all our money and wealth into science to motivate the preponderance of underpaid scientists to get to work using their recently begotten wherewithal to research and investigate more efficient ways of space exploration.

9.) Then, utilizing our procured resources we shoveled up from the ground, we could use our new scientific research and use it to inform the construction of better spacecraft, and then we might just be able emigrate from this Godforsaken planet and head somewhere more habitable. Transforming ourselves from a sedentary species into a technologically advanced, space-exploring nomadic race.

10.) Planting trees and saving endangered species is a waste of precious time. This planet as we know it will change and we will all die one day. It could be another Ice Age; a supervolcanic eruption or a reactivated massive caldera; a lucky-shot gamma ray burst; a meteor too large to do anything realistic about; the possibility of our environmental destruction being like an irreversible snowball effect, being too far gone to go back; the ice sheets continuing to melt and rising sea levels such that only montane environments, at most, are habitable; and so on.

11.) We need to get over these abandonment issues we have with the Earth, pack up our shit, and go someplace less unstable, less uninhabitable, and start a new existence, in my opinion. I mean, this isn't some dope-inspired, quixotic pipe dream either:

Cosmic Census Finds Billions of Planets that Could be Earth-Like
Prevalence of Earth-size planets orbiting Sun-like stars
There are other planets that could theoretically support our existence. All we need is the technological sophistication to get to them and then we can say goodbye for good to this precarious rock. But we may never achieve extrasolar space travel. But the possibility still exists, if only we had some adequately smart and discerning scientists working o7 the job and only if the whole 7.5 billion of us are willing to get involved any way we know how. Then it's even more possible.
But, one thing that will never be a possibility is saving this planet. You can't save it, no more than you can save someone by rescuing them from a collision with an oncoming train. All one can really do is prolong the lifespan, but death is incredibly resourceful; what doesn't kill you only makes the probability of a future death less unlikely.
In summary, I think we should make the most of what we've got, and use up everything this planet has to offer, so as to build and develop ways to leave it.
But I'm interested in other people's perspectives. So, should we save the environment or invest our finite resources and money in leaving it for someplace that doesn't need saving?
I have been a save-the-planet type of environmentalist since before I was a preteen.

Climate change (with its surplus of support being evinced by scientists and intellectuals, and having been corroborated by a seemingly inexhaustible amount of practically incontrovertible and exceedingly rigorous scientific research, data, and careful analyses) was the first topic I had researched extensively about what I was lead to think of as humanity's thoughtless destruction, greedy and haphazard despoilment, and unchecked and unconcerned depletion of the lithosphere and decimation of its biosphere.

That was when I was about 13 years old.

When I got a little older, I remember stumbling upon this very popular YouTube video (q.v. https://youtu.be/zORv8wwiadQ) wherein some guy, Greg Craven, argues the case for environmentalism by essentially narrowing the situation down to essentially two choices:

Choice A.) Humanity can be incredulous and skeptical about climate change, then do nothing to prevent or curtail or reverse the damages the planet has so far sustained, only for us all to be annihilated by the possibility of some self-caused natural calamity we never prepared for or tried to prevent or even acknowledged; or

Choice B.) Humanity can invest money to fund taking action to prevent or prepare for such a calamity, regardless of whether the science is mistaken and the data are wrong, effectively preventing our almost certain extinction from an environmental threat—whether imaginary or real.


Obviously, at least to thinking humans, choice B, while possibly advancing the allocation of trillions of dollars in the desperate hope to protect something that may be either unprotectible or unreal, is most sensible of the two choices. It would be tantamount to buying an umbrella today to prevent getting soaked by a rainstorm tomorrow. Even if those forecasted torrential rains never come, having the umbrella without needing it still seems more sensible to me than needing the umbrella and not having it.

But lately, my opinions have changed. Here's why:

1.) Mass extinction events are a frequent occurrence on Earth (consider the worldwide extinction of the dinosaurs and all other animals larger than, say, a chihuahua which occurred 65 million years ago, all by single a meteor).

2.) It is therefore reasonable to assume that such a terrifyingly destructive extraterrestrial threat will happen again. It's just a matter of time before a monstrosity of a meteor, for example, comes into our trajectory and we don't have the technological capabilities to thwart or explode the largest rocks in even the meteor belt just past Mars. What about a very unfortunately well-aimed gamma ray burst?

3.) Worse still, what if we were to invest in the preservation of our Earth's geologically very brief period of human-sustaining conditions, but our efforts and endeavors are still as unavailing as if we hadn't done anything? What then? We've only wasted money and time without anything tangible or appreciable to show for it.

4.) In light of this diversity of known knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns (Rumsfeld allusion; his logic is perfectly valid here) of threats which may have results of inescapable mass death and extinction, as well as the irony of humanity trying to clean up and "save" a planet we were too irresponsible to keep clean and safe for millennia in the first place, the aforementioned "case" for environmentalism seems more of a false dichotomy than a collectively exhaustive binary set of events.

5.) How can we trust our race to fix what we were too stupid or careless or irresponsible to not break at the outset? Any possible solution to our environmental malady couldn't possibly be trusted to work if the responsibility or onus of finding and implementing that solution falls on the people (our race) that proved their impotence and incompetence by first having caused the problem we now feel drunk enough on our own pseudo-omnipotent abilities to remedy. That's not advisable, it is disquietingly absurd.

6.) Is saving the planet (or, to put it less euphemistically and magnanimous, saving ourselves) even feasible over the long run? Or do we not care and are simply trying to insert meaning into our lives by deluding ourselves into accepting the preposterous notion that we humans can actually save a whole planet (but can barely locate a matching pair of socks in the morning)? And by recycling? Being vegan? Come on. I'd call it stupid, but it seems more like societal schizophrenia than plain imprudence.

7.) Since this rock called Earth and all its biology and geology will eventually die or become unrecognizably disfigured no matter what we do or do not do whilst blindly in love with this flawed and faltering planet, and since planting urban gardens, restoring the rainforests, saving the ozone, etc., are all patently abortive, why don't we do the exact opposite of environmentalism? I personally think we evolved our incredible brains not just to sit on this blue-green boulder for the entirety of our species short existence and act as its bodyguard.

8.) Rather, I think we should mine, excavate, dredge up, disinter, and use every resource this incommodious little rock harbors. We should use every nutrient, every element and their isotopes, every thing there is to take for the taking. Then, cooperating all as one race and with every human's helping hand, we should invest all our money and wealth into science to motivate the preponderance of underpaid scientists to get to work using their recently begotten wherewithal to research and investigate more efficient ways of space exploration.

9.) Then, utilizing our procured resources we shoveled up from the ground, we could use our new scientific research and use it to inform the construction of better spacecraft, and then we might just be able emigrate from this Godforsaken planet and head somewhere more habitable. Transforming ourselves from a sedentary species into a technologically advanced, space-exploring nomadic race.

10.) Planting trees and saving endangered species is a waste of precious time. This planet as we know it will change and we will all die one day. It could be another Ice Age; a supervolcanic eruption or a reactivated massive caldera; a lucky-shot gamma ray burst; a meteor too large to do anything realistic about; the possibility of our environmental destruction being like an irreversible snowball effect, being too far gone to go back; the ice sheets continuing to melt and rising sea levels such that only montane environments, at most, are habitable; and so on.

11.) We need to get over these abandonment issues we have with the Earth, pack up our shit, and go someplace less unstable, less uninhabitable, and start a new existence, in my opinion. I mean, this isn't some dope-inspired, quixotic pipe dream eithe:
Cosmic Census Finds Billions of Planets that Could be Earth-Like
Prevalence of Earth-size planets orbiting Sun-like stars
There are other planets that could theoretically support our existence. All we need is the technological sophistication to get to them and then we can say goodbye for good to this precarious rock. But we may never achieve extrasolar space travel. But the possibility still exists, if only we had some adequately smart and discerning scientists working o7 the job and only if the whole 7.5 billion of us are willing to get involved any way we know how. Then it's even more possible.
But, one thing that will never be a possibility is saving this planet. You can't save it, no more than you can save someone by rescuing them from a collision with an oncoming train. All one can really do is prolong the lifespan, but death is incredibly resourceful; what doesn't kill you only makes the probability of a future death less unlikely.
In summary, I think we should make the most of what we've got, and use up everything this planet has to offer, so as to build and develop ways to leave it.
But I'm interested in other people's perspectives. So, should we save the environment or invest our finite resources and money in leaving it for someplace that doesn't need saving?
Soja everything changes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IshazvspKI

God I really miss my old friends. I just feel alone right now for some reason. Rationally I cant complain but I still feel sad about it. I just feel lost on this Saturday. I keep wondering what can I do to be a better friend, son, and just person. I try to be honest thoughtful and loyal but I come up short sometimes. I don't know what else I can do. I miss the past. I miss Electric Forest. I miss New years eve sound tribe. I miss Panic in the rain on good roll. I miss it all yet it cant happen again. I am sure I will have another time when I feel that stable and connected. I just wish it was now. I wish I could just call up my friend and go hang out. I wish things where not complicated but they are. In my heart I know its tears over spilt milk but I still feel it strongly.
headed out to Cali to see the lovely lady; things have been great on my end and all is well when it comes to drugs/addiction and all the problems I have had.

who would have thought I'd have my license back, moved into a new apt, have been sober around 3 months w/ a very few slips, and now working w/ my father and hopefully taking over the company over the next 5-10yrs - we'll see.. maybe I am just dreaming right now but who knows how things can be! I just need to stay sober, stay on the right track, and continue to see things change for the GOOD.. FINALLY! imagine? ha.

this is all due to me being fucking clean! well, suboxone and gaba but that is clean as a MOFO in my eyes, right? esp. coming from a heroin junkie! I never thought things would change but they finally have and I am seeing the GOOD THINGS and feeling GREAT overall.

headed out tonight to see the lovely lady in LA; by out I mean jumping on a plane and headed out to LA which is where shes at as of now! but its KINDA like a mini vacation but its nice because I am visiting the lady and getting to see her for a week straight! so all is good in the hood as of late; I am truly confident that things will continue to go well; who would have thought!? not me.. but I an happy things have gone this way and have no urge to go back to that miserable life I was living.
If you're reading this, you haven't killed yourself. Continue pissing, shitting, eating, jacking off, scouring for pussy, and consuming reality altering substances between sleep sessions until it all ceases. Then, we shall meet again.
For the PAWS, there is much that could be done but isn't in the general practice. The alzheimer's drug and NMDA antagonist memantine could be prescribed off-label and it is the fucking best thing available by prescription to get off opioid habits and to restore dopamine / endorphin neurotransmission. Only the dose needs to be high enough, in studies they used up to 60mg and this is okay.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18026718
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11512037
http://www.nature.com/articles/srep10140
and so on

But even dextromethorphan can help:
http://www.hindawi.com/journals/isrn/2013/546030/

Really, share and spread this information. It works. It is true harm and suffering reduction.
I'll post more related stuff soon when I have the time.
... really has gone out of control. It's incredible that any 15 years old can easily buy any drug online, having it delivered stealthy to his door. (and the more easily accessible ones are the even more dangerous ones, because of lack of research)

I thought about this in the early 2008's when Mephedrone became popular in Switzerland. That the governments will be forced to do something. Either in the positive direction (legalization, regulation, harm reduction, protection of the youth) or in the negative (more prohibition, more ruined lives, analogue laws everywhere, serious impact on science/research and collateral damage to all of these who responsibly use drugs). I hoped but of course, the world has gone the latter way.

But things can still be changed, every day. The legalization of cannabis in the USA is a great beginning, but they have to continue and finally drop this fucking stupid senseless war on drugs - war on people, supporting organized crime and all that.
Legalising cannabis in the UK 'would raise hundreds of millions in taxes'

slimvictor said:
Great, but that is not why it should be legalized.
It should be legalized for human freedom to explore consciousness, to relieve pain, and to use the plants that nature has put on this earth.
Also, to stop putting people in jail for using drugs.

Yes, fully agree, but in today's unfortunately ignorant capitalistic world the tax thing could be more promising to get it through. I'm happy to see that sometimes sober facts nevertheless get attention, in times where common sense seems to be chronically out of stock.. And the fact that legalizing would drain so much income and structures of organized crime, not only with marijuana but even more so with things like cocaine, heroine ... they could save million's lives, billions of tax income wasted for prohibition and senseless police activities, all that ...

Portugal has made the first step by decriminalizing the possession of small amounts of any drugs. They did not see an increase in drug consumption or addiction.
The world should finally look on the bright side of things instead of always looking for the catches.. this makes me so sad. We have such endless opportunities in our 21st century, and people are busy to sabotage anything possible.

(Yeah, this point of view has been proudly presented by Research Chemicals® ;) in a previously suicidally depressed individual.)
It was back in 2005 when severe depression finally hit me, I think I wasn't really conscious about it but I was borderline suicidally. The first drug after ethanol I did was OTC dextromethorphan, a powerful dissociative, but I knew nothing about the matter..

But I've felt that strong energy it had. A lot of weird, disturbing (side) effects of course, trippy and psychedelic, but it was such a powerful antidepressant, flooding me with will to life, realizing the pure beauty of the nature, all the achievements of evolution and the science, ... so much for a depressed teenager. It came to my mind that it could make such a huge advance to give suicidal individuals something like that, letting them to rethink about life, instead of jailing them and sedating the hell out of with neuroleptics ...

And now we have the research on Ketamine as a novel, game-changing, rapid antidepressant for therapy resistant persons. That's so amazing!!

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Other related memory ....

The first trip is always like an initially blank page of paper. One can try to correct damaging connections done afterwards but it's harder than to go the good route from the beginning. Prohibition is responsible for much of the lasting disorders from drug consumption ... and I believe it's much more subtle than just the obvious delusions some poor individuals are suffering from.

I'm not really into psychedelics, because they are too powerful and unpredictable for me to take them alone (and I have yet to meet the person who I'd trust enough to accept him/her as a trip sitter). But dissociatives can be equally strong. I remember one of my very early DXM trips (around 500mg I think) when I listened to a psytrance album I didn't really know.. there was an appealing, soft but powerful voice telling me to just lest drift, not to have any more anxiety ... I thought it was on the disc, but it wasn't! I've been and still am suffering from severe, mostly socially related anxiety, but have been flying on a bliss of euphoria for at least two or three weeks after that trip.

Just recently read that the dissociative experience and hypnosis have much in common. This is such a fucking powerful energy one can mess with.. I'm glad it didn't go wrong for me (suspect that other, less intense but still lasting trip experiences had negative impacts though) but it could easily have.
The Adenosine Hypothesis of Schizophrenia - opportunities for pharmacotherapy Excellent & very interesting research ... many things that have been known for years and almost nobody outside of universities and people at places like here cares about .....
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