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Still Wednesday, Janurary 7th, 2009 and it is now 3:07 PM here in the Philippines.

So...The British were forced to hand off Sabah to Malaysia, but it has been ruled in various court proceedings over the preceeding 50 years to be Philippine territory by virtue of the Sulu Sultanate. The Sultanate still exists, albeit with not much power or wealth, and yet the Malaysians continued to ignore Philippine pressure to ajudicate this matter in International Court, and meanwhile gave a token payment of 1,500 US annualy to the Sultan of Sulu, via their Embassy in Manila (still do by the way, what a joke!).

When Malaysia refused the Philippines request to return Sabah in 1963 the country broke off relations with Malaysia, and it remained thus until 1989 although you would never know it today.

Finally getting to the part I was aiming for...So, late 1960s, Marcos has stolen power and is sitting in his Dictator Hot Seat and gets this fabulous idea to send a covert force, a la American Bay of Pigs, into Sabah to sow dissent and serve as the foothold for the larger Philippine force that will win Sabah back (although the Philippines have never controlled it to start with).

The Sultan of Sulu in the meanwhile willed the territory to the Republic of the Philippines, no doubt for some modicum of financial consideration.

For this covert force, Marcos had his minions recruit 300 young Muslims from the Tausug and Sama Tribes, which originated in Sabah on Borneo but which had expanded over the years into the Sulu archipelago and Tawi Tawi, another Philippine island.

These men were trained in what was to become "Operation Merdeka" (Op. Freedom), first on Tawi Tawi and then transferred north to Corregidor Island which sits off Manila in Manila Bay.

Correigdor is a tiny island, used before that time as a penal colony, etc and as such it had very spartan surroundings. The training for these tribal youth was no doubt very stressful and when they were at last told, in the final segment of their training, that their Objective was to land on Sabah and make war against their own tribes they naturally were aghast.

They mutineed, and to make a long story short they were marched out to the airstrip there and executed to the last person (1 managed to live) on March 18th, 1968. Just one survivor managed to play dead after getting shot in his kneecap. He bobbed in the bay for several hours until rescued by a fishing boat that saw him hanging onto a piece of drift wood.

A Philippine Seantor blew the story wide open, and the press ran with it, this being the early period of Marcos reign when this was at all possible (Censorship was not yet in firm implementation). Had it taken place even 5 years later we certainly would never know about it today.

Muslims were furious, one in particular, a professor at University of Philippines in Manila, the intellectual Nurallaji "Nur" Misuari took it upon himself to found a left leaning Muslim Rights organisation, "Kabata'ang Makabayan."

By 1970 two Muslim leaders on Mindanao, already involved in the MIM (Moro Islamic Movement) recognised the need to form a cohesive inter-tribal organisation with a military wing to pursue their vision of Muslim self-determination for the southern part of the country. MIM was just atarting out, having been founded just after the Coerreigdor incident (known as the "Jabidah Massacare").

These men, Abul Khayr Alonto and Jallaludin Santos tapped Misuari to be the charismatic front man who would lend their new organisation widespread appeal among both the intellgentsia AND the common folk. Misuari then became the first Chairman of the "Moro LNational Liberation Front," the MNLF. For its first 2 years it was mostly an underground think tank but by 1972 they began recruiting Muslims from southern Mindanao at a fantastic pace.


The organisation was centered in the heart of Islamic Mindanao, the area bordering Cotabato and Maguindanao. Almost from day one they received much political, financial and military support from Libya and more telling, Malaysia which obviously had a vested interest culturally, religiously and more importantly perhaps politically.

The group met a pressing need and within its first 6 months their military apparattus had grown to include 20,000 well armed and well trained fighters who quickly took control of 7 provinces on Mindanao, plus most of Basilan, Jolo, and Sulu.

By 1974 they had 45,000 fighters and looked as if they would obtain independance for Mindanao,
et al until Marcos stole some of their momentum by cajoling them into a Cease Fire.

Owing to a simultaneous communist insurgency centered on Mindanao more than 60% of the military had already been deployed on the island, which Marcos now increased to an astounding 80%, which in turn inspired the communist insurgency to steamroll through 7 other theaters of operation throughout the regions of the country, including the heart of the capital, Manila.

By New Year's 1976 more than 60,000 people on Mindanao alone had been killed in the MNLF's area of operations (not even talking about the communist areas) and so there was widespread disenchantment amongst the groups' base of support, Moros and Islamicised tribals. At the same time Malaysia was maturing as a nation and feeling the heat in terms of International scrutiny and so they rapidly decreased both the flow of arms and the political backing.

This led to a wall in terms of momentum and the MNLF was forced to agree to bilateral negotations to be hosted by the MNLF's still loyal sponsor, Libya's Khadaffi, and the Organisation of the Islamic Conference, to be held in Tripoli, Libya. The agreement reached there, known popularly as the "Tripoli Memorandum" offered the MNLF a generous level of autonomy in a rather large area of Mindanao (13 Provinces including Sulu et al).

Both sides came home elated, but it soon became clear that Marcos had merely been maneuvering the MNLF to get some much needed breathing room, not to actually come to an agreement. Marcos offered that before he could implement the agreement a ratification would need to be effected by the citizens of Mindanao in the effected areas.

This vote was held and much as Marcos had planned it led to a crushing defeat for the MNLF. More than a year had passed and the MNLF's base of support was in no mood to rehash a way of life that had killed roughly 60,000 people in less than 5 years. The MNLF still tried to restart its iniative but once momentum is lost it becomes increasingly harder to stay the course.


Later that same year, 1976, 1 more violent faction broke off, the "Moro islamic Liberation Front." The MILF was under the leadership of an even more charasmatic Hashim Salamat and took a very large number of the groups' best fighters with him.

Then came the next factional division, the "Bangsamoro Liberation Organisation," BMLO which took many of the remaining Maranao Tribesmen, leaving a core of Misuari's Tausug Tribe and Sama which left the MNLF incredibly weakened in its traditional sphere of influence, southern and central Mindanao. Tausaug and Sama are only minorities even within the Muslim minority on Mindanao, leaving the MNLF only still effective on Jolo and in Sulu.

I will continue...

one of my friends is moving here in 3 weeks. he is going to stay with me until he can figure out what he wants to do.

Today is still Wednesday, Janurary 7th, 2009 and it is 1:50 PM here in the Philippines.

So, RSM and its military wing, KTA is all about done or so it seems.

ASG however is not only still functioning, it now has dozens of factions and is gaining strength as well as increasing its scope of operations. On 12/30th in Barangay Santa Catalina, a Bisaya village, in Zamboanga City, 2 ASG men tried to kidnap an 8 year old girl but were scared off by gunwielding Bisaya paramilitary soldiers.

This is a disturbing trend actually with ASG seeming to kidnap young girls almost weekly here.

The same day, 12/30, a 4 year old girl was snatched by ASG in Sinulatan village on Basilan but was released the same evening when the militants realised that they had kidnapped a girl related to a powerful Muslim clan on the island. They cannot afford to alienate their base of operations although they amazingly do just that by their heinous actions.

One of the first rules in guerilla warfare is to have a wide base of support and to never shit where you sleep. Even housecats are smarter than these dummies!

The next day, 12/31, New Year's Eve, in Tuburan village on Basilan ASG released a 9 year old girl they had kidnapped back in the beginning of November after her family paid a 200,000 Pesos ransom (about 4,000 US which is an actual fortune, takes a couple of lifetimes to earn for most here). I do not want to even think about the very real fact that child mariage is not only allowed but often supported among Islamic groups in the Philippines (and around the world. On Basilan 14 year olds are literally considered old maids.

Basilan is home to 3 ASG factions who operate pretty much independantly of one another. This is why none of them really make any progress as far as their stated military objectives.

The 3 on ASG factions on Basilan are: I) "Ampul" led by Mauran Ampul AKA Abu Mauran

II) "Apting," led by Abu Apting,

and

III) "Hapilon" led by Sahiron Hapilon, one of the oldest surviving members of ASG.

Then you have Zamboanga which is expanding, with 4 factions currently: I) "Danggatil," led by Moto "Mata" Danggatil

II) "Isnilon," led by Abu Insilon

III) "Jainuddin" led by Nadjalin Jainnudin.

IV) "Janjalani" led by yet another brother of the founder, Hector Janjalani who goes by the nom de guerre Abu Abral.

There is 1 other on Basilan and 2 more on Zamboanga but they have not been active for 3 or 4 months now and their true status is unknown.

The other faction from Basilan is "Kaw- Jaljialis" led by Kalaw Jaljialis who goes by the moniker "Boy Grandda."

The 2 from Zamboanga are: I) "Salagin" led by Abu Salagin and II) "Masiraji - Sali" led by Hamsiraji Sali.

On Jolo and Sulu there are 16 and I really do not think that people reading this will be too concerned, so I will only mention the top 3 there: I) "Badja" led by Datu Panglima Badja.

II) "Hadji (sic) al Radzip" led by a man of the same name who also uses the moniker "Abu Rayhan."

and

III) Sa'abdula" led by Nadzmi Sa'abdulla who is also known as "Kummander Global."

Of the ones in Sulu and Jolo, on 12/31, in Barangay Umangay in Patikul village, just before midnite on New Years, 4 children and 1 adult were severely injured when ASG fired an M79 rifle grenade at them on the road out of the village.

That same night, another M79 was fired into a building on ther huge military base on the east side of the island, where a party for Marines' familes was being held. This happened at around the same time as the Patikul viallage attack ,despite ultra heavy perimiters around all base compounds and with more than 6,000 Marines on duty on that one base. Amazing. Several women and children, not to mention military personel were severely injured. the military does not willingly divulge casualties so some might have died on that second attack.

In addtion to ASG, JI, MILF and clan warfare/family feuds there is also the added danger of rogue MNLF units. The MNLF signed a Peace Agreement with the govt. in 1996 and yet some remain unsatisfied and over the past few months more and more MNLF companies have been taking to the hills. there were originally 2 renegade factions, the MNLF-RM (MNLF Reform Movement) and MNLF-Misuari which is the strongest group today in 2009 , dedicated to the first chairman of the MNLF Nur Misuari.

It actually started on the western half of Jolo, with an MNLF commander known as "Kummander Malik" who is in the Misuari Faction, when he first engaged Philippine Marines and their US handlers on 11/2006 and it has snowballed since then.

The MNLF is actually the oldest of the Muslim geurilla forces, founded in 1968 in response to the "Jabidah Massaccare."

The island of Borneo has a very close relationship to many Philippine ethncitieis. It is the home of the Visayans (Bisaya), my wife's tribe (ethnicity now since tribal structure was oblierated by Spaniards), as well as the Sabah Bisaya which is the original Bisaya Tribe, which now has a different language and is 90% Muslim leaving them all but unrecognisable to one another. Imperialism is great, yes?. It is more recently the historical home to most Philippine Muslims like the Tausag, Sama, and other Islamicised tribes.

While the Philippines were conquered and ruled by Spain, the Indonesian islands, including most of Borneo, were ruled by the Dutch but the Portugese AND the British also had their hands in the pie there. Borneo is divided into 4 main areas: Sabah, Sarawak, Brunei (an independant nation) and Kalimantan AKA Borneo Proper.

Sabah was tradtionally part of the Sulu Sultunate which included Jolo, and was ruled by a Muslim that would be called Filipino today. The British basically stole it, worked out one of their Hong Kong perpetual lease deals, but when Malaysia won independance in 1963 (if I am remembering the date), Sabah reverted to the new Malaysian nation by default although not at all legally in any sense of the word, OR morally.

I will have to continue in a following post but I promise to not get it too stuffy...

Still Wednesday, still Janurary 7th, 2009 and it is now 12:34 PM here in the Philippines.

After the first leader, and founder, was killed the group began associating with other radical groups with similar agendas. They had always had a grudging cooperation with the far stronger MILF , but the MILF was more focused on an a convetionally fought and ethnically fueled struggle, which did not allow for very close contact with the far more radical ASG.

The Philippines though has always offered a great variety of armed groups. While the ASG was just forming in the mind of its founder in 1991, another Filipino who would figure largely in Abu Sayyaf was also reaching a personal watershed of his own.


Muslims make up only 5% of the entire population in the Philippines, but like in every other corner of the globe, conversions to Islam are outpacing any other religion by increadible lengths. A huge factor in this is the fact that the Filipino economy depends on Over Seas Filipinos, those Filipinos who leave hearth and home so that they might help their familys succeed financially.

Most of the time this means the Middle East, due to the ease in which visas can be procured and most of the time the Middle East means Arab Countries. Sometimes the conversions are due to financial realities, sometimes it is for love, and other times it is for purely religious reasons.

One such Filipino was Hilarion del Rosario Santos who was working in Saudi Arabia in 1991. It was there that Rosario has a religious awakening and formally converted to Islam, taking the name Ahmed Islam Santos.

Santos is but one of 200,000 Filipinos who have converted to islam only since 1980. They are collectively known as "Balik Islam." Islam as a religion believes that all people are naturally Muslim, even if the do not realise it yet. Ergo, when one converts it is actually a "reversion," a returning to their roots as it were. Additionaly, most in Balik Islam believe that all Filipinos were originally conscious Muslims and only became Catholic at the hands of violent Spanish Conquistadores.

While it IS true that Manila was an Islamic territory when Spain came upon it, it had only been so for less than 100 years. Islam only predates the Spaniards, in almost all areas of the country, by a mere 60 to 100 years! Muslim Filipinos are not any more Filpino than Catholic Filpinos but that is now how Muslims see it.

Returning home to Luzon, the island that is home to the capital Manila, Santos set about diving into the Islamic World with the zeal only seen in converts.

Some have posited that this is due to these new Muslims feeling that they must prove their sincerity, others feel that it is just due to the sudden realisation late in life and trying to make up for lost time. In any event, Santos was not alone and soon found himself leading a small but growing group within the Balik Islam community. This organisation was called "Fi Sabilliah."

Fi Sabilliah was not extremely radical but was meant to be, as the general theory goes, to be a farm camp of sorts for the prospective holy warrior. It was in Fi that Santos met his first members of what would be called, in 2001, "Rajah Soliman Movement." The name started out as a joke by Santos, Rajah Soliman being the Islamic chieftan who ruled Manila until overthrown by the Spaniards, and represents what the Balik see as the true Filipino.

Mindanao is the 2nd largest island in this nation of 7,107 islands, but is said to be the most heavilty populated of all with 18 million residents. It is not even mostly Muslim (although MOST Filipino Muslims DO live here), but is home to the ARMM (Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao), an autonomous Islamic region and as such is the capital of militant Islam in the region. Santos made his way to Mindanao where he took a second wife, who happened to be the
sister -in- law of two factional leaders of the ASG, one of whom was the noted Khadaffi Janjalani.

With major backing by ASG Santos orchestrated a plot to assasinate then and current Philippine's President Gloria M. Arroyo in 2002. The plot was unknown for years though, because of an inadvertant arrest of some of its major players in an unrelated investigation.

Still very much wanting to prove itself, RSM agreed in 2004 to undertake a major bombing which it would then share credit for, with ASG. in a country made up of many islands, stretching almost 1,000 kilometers north to south, ferries are the major mode of transportation. Philippine ferries are ocean going ships that often carry more than 1,000 passengers on trips taking up to 4 days over rough and very deep seas.

Choosing a Manila to Cagayan del Oro (Mindanao)ferry RSM deployed a bomber from the group's armed wing, "Khalid Trinidad Army" named after an early member who had been one of the first RSM members arrested by police who had been trying to arrest him for a minor terrorist act on Luzon.

Next, the group agreed to participate in a join operation with ASG AND JI, the Indonesian based terror group responsbile for the Bali Bombing. that operation was a simultaneous bombing of Davao City, General Santos City (AKA Gen San), and Makati outside of Manila. It took place on Valentine's Day 2005 and killed more than a dozen people.

A month later the group was again prevented from undertaking yet another assasination attempt on President Arroyo. In that operation JI's Omar Palek who had spent time with Santos on the latter's last trip to Mindanao contributed funds AND expertise but all for naught when the group's 600 kilograms of explosives were uncovered in Quezon just outside Manila, in what became known as the "Ermita Plot."

The Ermita Operation was just before yet another bloody plan was foiled, the so called "Holy Week Bombing" of that same year, 2005. After a run of terrible luck Santos was busying himself with his evangelising and with his assumed role as the media savvy spokesperson of the ASG.

Late in 2005 Santos was arrested where he remains today, along with most of his organisation. Thus far it is belived that ASG is dismantled but one can never tell with 200,000 odd "Reverts."

I will continue...

Today is still Wednesday, Janurary 7th, 2009 and it is 11:53 AM here in the Philippines.

I am seeing soemthing new on the Blogs, instead of having all "Comments" posting automatically it is now telling me "Approve Comments." Is that optional? If so, how can I turn it off because I hate censorship of any kind. Anyone that knows what to do , let me know (HINT Crystal and Dtergent since you two are Mods hahaha).

Well, I thought, that since most Filipinos do not even know what is happening in the southern part of their own country ( not their fault, but the govt's), that I would make a quick list of all the major players in this hellhole I call home.

On the govt's side, you have:

AFP = Armed Forces of the Philippines which means Navy (rarely ever worth mentioning), Marines, and Army. the Marines generally stay to the south of Mindanao, busy battling "ASG" and "JI," which I will talk about later.

There are less than 8,000 Marines in the entire nation and more than 7,000 are stationed on Jolo island. Jolo is a small island comparitively speaking, and even with that flood of armed power the govt does not control Jolo or the surrounding Sulu islands.

There is actually 2 groups of Marines on Zamboanga and Basilan but they are very small.Zamboanga is a peninsula on my island, and Basilan is attached to us in terms of govt administration but is a separate, small island.

US Army, Marines, and National Guard, most of which are stationed on Jolo, although some are on the western half of Mindanao as well. There is a clause in this nation's Constitution that strictly forbids foreign forces from ever engaging in armed conflict, either assisting the Philippine Govt or otherwise. The govt here gets around that prohibition by simply denying that it takes place. Actually, I will talk about that a bit later because it requires a bit of explanation.

Fact of the matter is, despite people saying otherwise they do engage guerillas although it is certainly not something they want to do more than the very rare occasion. August of 2007
(8/30/2007), in Baragay Bonbon, Patikul village on Jolo, they were in an outlying district assisting the 11th Marines (Ph. Marines Battalion Landing Team 11) when they were engaged by "ASG."

American gunships (copters with heavy cannons) entered into combat although both govts (US and Ph.) said that the Yanks only ferried dead and wounded from the site.

The US Task Force is biouvaced in private homes in 2 places called "Seit Lake" and "Seit Poblasion" on the eastern half of Jolo, both right on the shores of a volcanic crater lake. Beautiful place, been there actually but not in a few years. As I age I become less and less adventurous. I actually worry about Rizza too much. What would happen to her if I died?


Anyway, with all this military firepower and manpower you would think that Jolo is buttoned down and tight. it is anything but. The US personel are forbidden from even sitting in the yard of the homes that they live in. When they need supplies they have the landl-rd (stupid on their part) go into town and get them things, and heavy supplies are run from the Philippine base.

Not too long ago one of them was murdered although the case is officialy ambiguous, "Cause Unknown." The guy, a kid really, was Social Forces and just on the island. He was an expert diver, in fact that was his specialty in SF. He was found fully clothed and floating face down in the lake.

They have a PC in the house, they talk to their girls, their kids, and that is about it save Filipino TV, mostly in Tagalog/Filipino. One of my friends, a Harvard Professor was stationed there and he hated it. He is still SF but now assiged to the USMC university, and splits his time between Harvard (JFK School) and Washington DC for the Marines University. Tony Abady, great guy. I can only say his name now, since he will not be redployed outside of the US and is about to cash in his chips.

On 12/17 a Chinoy (Filipinos of Chinese descent) was kidnapped by "ASG" in Jolo City, the capital of the island, by the ASG faction under Kummander (means Commander) Albadir Parad. The Chinoy, Peter Go ( actually named Wu Xili) was on Marina St when ASG , wearing pitch perfect Ph. Army Uniforms threw him into a van and sped away. With almost 8,000 troops in total, PLUS Americans (!), ASG still kidnaps in broad daylight, in the biggest city! Go figure!

"ASG" of course is "Abu Sayyaf Group." "Abu Sayyaf" means, in Arabic, Father of the Sword Bearer" and refers to a famous Islamic warrior from about 500 years ago.

It was founded by'Abdujurak Janjalani, the son of a fisherman family on Basilan. In the late 70s oil rich Arab states, and Pakistan as well, took the southern Philippines up as their pet cause. Sending many missionaries, investing money in "madrassas" (Islamic day schools) and and conservative mosques.

Here to fore Islam had only been a very casual affair in virtually all areas of the region. With the oil money things began to change. Islam was more of an ethnic feature than a cause in and of itself. There had been Muslim guerilla forces since the late 1960s but none that carried a real Islamic message.

People like 'Abdujurak, founder of "ASG" were sent, on scholarships, to study Arabic and Qur'an in Arab and other Muslim Nations. There they met other, more radical Muslims, and were exposed to many ideas which they carried with them on their return. Some , like 'Abdujurak entered the Afghan Mujahadin guerilla war and fought the Soviets.

'Abdu met many people, such as Osama Bin Laden who would figure prominently in both his life and world history. Returning to Basilan he formed a group called "Mujahadin Commando Freedom Fighters" with fellow veterans of the Afghan struggle.

Within a year, in 1994 it was renamed "al Harakatul al Islamiyya" ("The Islamic Movement"), but because of his nom de guerre, Abu Sayyaf, the organisation was called "The Abu Sayyaf Group," or "ASG" for short.

It was in 1994 that he began getting direct funding from Laden, as well as Ramzi Youseff, the red haired Pakistani who was the brains behind the 1st World Trade Center bombing, as well as the first attempts at bombing airliners, the so called "Bojinka Plot," that was only averted when a fire in their apartment building led authorities to their bomb making materiels spread throughout their Makati (Manila) apartment.

They began kidnapping for ransom in 1993 and by 2000 this was their main form of revenue. Unfortunately for the leader, he never lived to see them reach international fame, having been killed in a 1998 engagement.

By the time of his death the organisarion had factionalised into 4 distinct branches, all largely independant of one another. 1 in Zamboanga, 1 on Basilan, 1 in Jolo and the last spread through most of the Sulu Islands.

By the time of this death the next leader of stature was his boyhood friend and fellow Afghan vet, Galib Andang who went by the name "Kummander Robot." For some reason the people of the southern Philippines love corny names. "Kummander Sexy" fighting "Kummander Macho" who in turn is fighting "Kummander Rambo" and so it goes. Sounds like a bunch of child soldiers in Liberia or Sierra Leone but that is part nad parcel of the culture here.

ASG reached its peak both in pwoer and notieriety as the new millenia neared. After 2002 it was all down hill. "Robot" was killed breaking out of prison in 2005, but he had already been eclipsed by Janjalni's younger brother Khadaffi Janjalani who controlleed both the Zamboanga and Basilan factions .

The younger brother had less commitment to juhad and much more ambition to become rich and the organisation suffered for this avarice, becoming weaker than it had ever been. Indeed, as the clock struck midnite on New Years 2006 many Analysts belived that ASG was on the way out.

Will continue...

Today is Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 and it is now 1011 AM here in Philippines.

Today I will tell the story of what is taking place in my own Clan, since I am always talking about my wife's family.

Some who followed my Journal will remember a bit of my family history. My Clan is *Dwek,* which is sometimes spelled as *Dweck,* or when the Arab portion of my clan spells it in English, they do as as *Dweick.*

In Jewish Law your mother makes you Jewish, as our descent is matrilineal, but your father gives you your Clan. In the 1948 War my dad who was a young man then, fought, and afterwards, when we were finally independant he and some other males in our family Hebracised our name to *Ben Ami* which means *Son of My People.*

My Clan home area is Chevron, the town known in English as *Hebron.* In Arabic it is called *al Khalil* but even so called *Palestinians* will almost always call it *Hebron,* etc.

My Clan has been there, at least we know through well kept genealogies, since the beginning of the 10th Century CE/AD, meaning at least more than 1000 years, but in all likelihood since the Bible.

Hebron after all is the most Jewish town in the most Jewish country. Hebron is the town where Avraham Aveenoo (Abraham) passing through with his herds and Clan bought graves and it is where Suruh (Sarah) is buried, it is where Ya'akov/Yisroel (Jacob) is buried, and so on.

The town has always had a Jewish community since the day Avraham passed through and some of the Clan settled there to make sure our graves were kept sancrosanct. This is supported not only by legend and the Bible but by actual archaeology and independant histories of surrounding populations.

My Clan, being an ancient Clan, lost a segment to Islam when we were occupied by the first Muslims under 'Umar Khalifa, known in English as the Caliph Omar and today they still live in the town, same surname, spelled a bit different in english but sounding exactly the same in Arabic or Hebrew. We have not talked to most in many centuries, and all the more so since 1929, the year I need to focus on.

That year, my paternal grandfather Rabbi Eliezer Dan Sloneem Ben Ya'akov Ben Yosef Dwek, usually known as Rabbi Eliezer Dan Slonim Dwek who was 29 years old was the Mukhtar Yahood, or the Jewish Chief, as well as the Chief Rabbi of Hebron (I will call it by its usual English name to avoid confusion).

Like his father Rabbi Ya'akov, my great grandad, my grandad Rabbi Elizer was a man of great fame even at his realtively young age. He had 3 sons by his 2 wives, my dad being the youngest at just under 1 year of age. The eldest had died of a Jewish genetic disease that also killed my eldest son. But he had another son, who was just about 3 and what a handful, from what people to say. He was my eldest uncle.

Like most Jewish families there, ours had ancient roots and as a result, since we predated Arabs there even before the first Arab existed in history, we naturally owned most land, and most major buisnesses. My own Clan had 4 US million in holdings, in 1929 value mind you, in the city limits of Hebron alone.

The Clan compound sat on a street still called Worshippers' Way in English and it is the route that leads to the Caves of Machpelah, the Cave of the Patriarchs where Avraham, etc. are buried and revered, which is nearer the village of Kiryat Arbah than Hebron itself. Most Jews lived in the Tel Rumeida neighbourhood, then as now.

On August 20th with sporadic violence breaking out, against Jews by Arabs, all through the British Mandate, the Haganah, the underground Jewish Army came to Hebron to confer with my Grandfather. They brought a healthy load of weaponry but instead of showing gratitude my here to fore wise grandad got angry and threw the men out of his home!

He said that in his lifeitme and that of his father even when Arabs killed Jews elsewhere they never killed in Hebron. In Hebron most Arabs have Jewish blood, some like us come from the same stock, and my proud grandfather thought that again we would ride it out without even a wave or rumble.

The Haganah reps went to the Beit Romano Police Station where Cafferta, the only Jew on the force kicked them out of the city.

Rumors swirled throughout the country and those sporadic attacks became even more frequent and yet Hebron remained safe.

Then on Friday, August 23rd, just before evening and the start of the Jewish Sabbath a truckload of Arabs came from Jerusalem 30 km. away and announced that Jerusalem's Jews had entered the Temple Mount and began slaughtering worshipping Arabs (this never happened of course).

That was all it took. They killed many and when they came to our main house, on Worhsippers' Way, my grandad Eliezer stood there holding my eldest uncle in his hands, with more than 100 Jews in our home, most of them clansmen, but others as well, he pled for the peace they had always shared...and as he stood there on our front stairs outside, they said later that my uncle began whining his head off, as my dad hung to his mum's leg before being stowed in a cupboard, as both wives stood behind my grandad, and the Arabs stabbed my grandad to death, snatched my uncle and tore him limb from limb, ripping him to death literally.

My grandfather tried, as he lay dying, to pull his old pistol but it did not even work! He trusted Arabs so much!

In the aftermath, they took all surviving Jews and bussed them to Jerusalem telling us our lands and holdings would be guarded by British Police until our short return, a return that never came. From Jerusalem our Clansmen went to Alleppo where the majority of our Clan had lived for a couple of centuries.

My dad was covered in blood but he and his mum lived. My dad who was to be a Mukhtar and an reknowned Rabbi instead became a labourer in a Syrian factory until he emigrated to Jerusalem, and began selling nuts and fruits on a pushcart!

Fast forward to 2004 and my Clan decided to reclaim what was ours, by the only way left us, BUYING IT BACK! An Arab was living on the land, of course, and now had title thanks to the PA which makes it a capital offence to sell land to Jews, even when said land was owned by Jews in the first place!!!

So we took teams of attroneys, used some of our companies (Clan owned), and even used a Jordanian business associate as our face man, although the seller knew what was what. We paid , in cash, the first installment of 700,000 US Dollars, in 100 dollar bills as he demanded and we filmed it, the entire counting down to last hundred dollar bill.

We allowed 20 Jewish families unrelated to us live in the property, and we called it *Beit HaShalom,* which ironically means *House of Peace.*

I will finish in a following post...

I want to yell,
I want to scream,
I want you to see what I mean!

But the louder I yell,
the less you hear.
Then I'm overwhelmed with fear.

I spoke too soon.
I said to much.
Anger, with a violent touch.

I should have kept silent.
I shouldn't have said...
all this now racing through my head.

I'm sorry I beg
and start to cry
to you, its just another thorn in your eye.

I'm not worth it to you.
You think I play a game.
It always happens just the same.

"I don't need this shit."
and off you go.
This is all to well know.

I wish I could fix it,
but its too late.
Now I must just accept my fate.

Another rejection,
another one gone.
It always has to go so wrong.

I can't forget you,
even though I wish I could,
and after all, I really should.

But for some reason, I can't.
Just like the one before,
who walked out, slamming the door.

You think I'd run out of room,
run out of pain and tears,
you don't when being alone is one of your greatest fears.

There I am, alone again.
I tell myself this is the way its gonna be.
And I have no one to blame,
no one but me.

(I don't know why I'm still here (on BL) anyone have any other suggestions of a place I can go?)

thanks you for making feel like complete shit once again. thank you for pushing me until I become angry when I finally show anger I'm a horrible person. this isn't a fun night for me, I had the MDMA for awhile but I waited until I felt good, because I let the family bs roll off, and bl which I was on incase something happened because it was new, never tried it before has helped to make me depressed. I guess I control my emotions and no one can MAKE me feel anything, but other people can hurt you and thats exactly what happened. DS wasn't safe, shit I knew that I just thought it was a few people that liked to get on me, target me, attack me. Guess I have a target on me. I hate this...I hate that I let BL and people that don't even have to be in my life or really know me make me cry because I care. I wish I just didn't care...

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't try and jump into BL. A huge chunk of what I read here comes from people addicted to something harder than my smoking habit, or folks in the "take as much as I can at once and get totally fucked!!1" stage.

Then I look back at what I've done:
Cigarettes
Alcohol
Valium
Quaaludes
Black Beauties
Marijuana/Hash
Mushrooms
LSD
Coke
Crank
Meth
MDMA

I managed to get off amphetamines, and never really cared for hallucinations, so smoking and MDMA is it now.

I can see doing this someday. I need to help myself first though...

HUMAN SERVICES - DRUG & ALCOHOL STUDIES OPTION (A.A.S.)

Purpose:
The Human Services-Drug and Alcohol Studies option is
designed to prepare graduates for human services careers in
programs, facilities and agencies concerned with treating and/or
preventing drug/alcohol abuse or addiction.

Program Objectives:
These are the same or similar to the Human Service Program,
except that the emphasis is placed on understanding drug/alcohol
abuse and addictions, treatment and prevention programs, and
issues associated with working with these populations.

god DAMN its late son.

I need to go to sleep now.


but I don't want to.

I think I will.

goodnight BlueLight.

I got paid yesterday ($90 for two days of babysitting) and my mom keeps ahold of it usually (so I can't use drugs) but she never asked for it yesterday, so I was gonna give my boy $50 to grab some dope and then just hope she didn't ask.

Well, first, I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up a script, and while I waiting in line, I see the dude in front of me (I assume it was him) dropped two $100 bills. My friend was with me and I knew I couldn't just take all of it because she would totally look down on me, but I did grab both, stuck one with the rest of my change and then pretended to hand him both and ask if they were his. He said "oh yeah thanks" like it was no big deal.

I hope I am not going to hell for that, but I sure FEEL pretty great right now

Of course, my boy was like "you should have taken it ALL---losers weepers!" but I felt I needed some redeeming quality.

"Men in particular need to look past all your imperfections and mental flaws to see that beauty is trapped inside you and only a great person daring enough to tempt it will be able to get it out of you to full understand your greatness."

Just another broken angel:
I've always seen myself as like the angel from Dogma that with the wings ripped off....but I never did it..others did a part a time, and now the bleeding never stops and to be touched can be extremely painful. Others see those things and it scares them, and I can't fly away from it anymore even though I want to.

"You need to know that whomever keeps your heart someday will have a pair of wings waiting for you because he will be able to help you forget about problems of your current life and all you'll think about is love for him and the love he has to give for you."

'M' stopped by my work and grabbed my house keys. I got home later and WOW! She cleaned the shit out of my downstairs and organized a bunch of stuff.

Environment definitely plays a factor on my moods. I moved from Colorado to Pennsylvania in September and have been overwhelmed with the seemingly impossible task of keeping up with things.

She wanted to motivate me and she certainly did! Tomorrow I plan on taking care of the upstairs. I figure once this is all squared away it will be sooooo much easier if I just keep up with things.

Wow! The place feels so different (in a great way!). Curtains are hung, the floor is vacuumed, EVERYTHING!

Man, I'm very grateful!

Thanks 'M'!!!!!!

last year was a whirlwind of a year... i started grad school, dropped out, entertained thoughts of breaking up. quit one job, got a new one, quit it after two months, got another job. declared that i was moving across country. got engaged instead of breaking up, still moved. restarted a new grad program, got a new job and set up a new life. began working out and trying to not eat like utter shite and drink less.

i'm hoping in 2009 to sort out my finances, do well in school, and keep up with my good habits. so far, things are looking good

Not only did I manage to wake up after three 9-minute snoozes ONLY (usually I end up snoozing for an hour or more), do some yoga AND meditate for 20 minutes, but I'm also going to a meditation class today, and I just signed up for a six-week Tai Chi and Qi-Gong course! I'm looking into belly dancing classes as well, and might take up a pole dancing class with a uni friend.

I've just become such a hermit lately... And my life has stagnated, so I just need to force myself out to do things, especially things that aren't alcohol-related. I partly feel like ending my hermitry (is that a word?), but I know meeting up with most of my friends will involve going out and drinking. Which takes up so much money and time, and doesn't improve my moods much. After not drinking for one week when I was on Holiday in Sweden, I realised how much more stable I feel without alcohol. Not saying I'm giving it up for good, I just want to reduce the number of situations in which I drink.

And as for being a hermit, well, I still feel like being alone most of the time, but lately I've started feeling somewhat guilty about that, or suspecting that it's becoming an unhealthy habit, hence taking up new hobbies that will force me to *gulp* socialise with strangers.

So that's basically what's happening in my life. As for my love life, I'm giving that a rest too. I've professed my love for being single for the past half year, but I recently realised that I haven't been SINGLE single for that whole period of time. Even though I've remained unattached, there's always been some handsome monsieur to occupy my thoughts. From my animal Swedish ex, to the 37 year old separated-but-still-living-with-wife-and-kids South African, to the Iranian Swede that I fell hard and intensely for (first kiss at a bluelight meetup, spent the rest of the week together, flew to Gothenburg to visit him a couple of weeks later, realised that our personalities were quite incompatible) to L, the cute customer who had been asking me out for ages, which I finally agreed to, and ended up exploring watersports fetishes with on the first date(!). I'm still sort of seeing L, but I suspect his interest for me has dwindled, strangely enough, since he seemed so keen. The only reason I can think of is that I told him that under no circumstances do I want to get serious with anyone, while he did want to get serious with me... That, and that the inklings he got about my sexual past intimidated him a little bit. He's a really nice guy, but I think I'm ready to be just SINGLE single for now. Almost celibate, even.

Although I do intend to take things further with the hottie that I got a new year's kiss from. So that kind of contradicts what I just said. Hm. But that technically doesn't count because it's "unfinished business". I can't leave things half done now can I?

i have like 100 hours of community service for the next two years to complete... i don't have a set time i have to complete them by... i don't have a work schedule at my community service place, i'm told i can come in whenever i can make it, but apparently the stupid community service officer for my city sent a non-compliance notice to my p.o for not doing any hours in november... wtf... how can this be... i don't even know how this probation shit really works... i don't know if its up to my p.o to violate me... or if she is forced by law to violate me ... fuck ... i'm so pissed... i want some xanax right the fuck now....

I met someone, Sean. Things are going well. I tried to write more but it keeps deleting it...

Months later, what a wonderful find he turned out to be. I just hope I'm lucky enough to keep him.

As much as I love and am grateful for EFT (emotional freedom technique), it has increased my obsession with 'self-improvement', and has led me to think more about the things I need to fix with myself. Obviously, this has led to much frustration, because it makes me focus less on the ways my life has improved, and more on the faults I have left. Which makes it all the more difficult to find happiness, because desire breeds desire, which eventually (for me anyway) leads to stagnation, because it becomes more impossible to get to those goals when you're either a) daydreaming about how perfect your life will be in that far-off future or b) despairing because you're nowhere near that goal.

So enough of all that bullshit, it just leads to procrastination. In the midst of my frantic search for self-improvement websites, I came across this one: http://anmolmehta.com/ which led to my realisation that I need to concentrate less on "fixing" and more on being. So, with that said, I am finally going to start meditating. I've never really suceeded in meditating for more than 5 minutes before, and even then it was just frustrating, but I'm going to an hour long meditation session in my neighbourhood tomorrow, so that might help get me started. Plus I'm going to take up my morning yoga again, and try meditating after that.

I still can't wait for my next EFT session with my therapist though . The four sessions I've had with her have helped me immensely. A huge chunk of my generalised anxiety is gone (although it was mild to begin with, but the weeks after I quit taking GBL were quite bad, and after seeing her I felt great). There's still some stuff to work with, but I think for now I will take the backseat and stop focusing on working with this stuff on my own so much, because although I have had some successes (the chronic thrush that I've had for five years, gone after a two hour session I did by myself. Success! :D), it would do me good to stop obsessing with self-improvement.

So now I'm just hoping I'll be able to get up early to do my yoga. Better start with that, and only sneak the meditation in after I've become used to doing yoga again - at least I know yoga is something I enjoy doing!

I wonder if in 6,992 years...we'll still have the "It's over NINE-THOUSANNNNNNNND!" meme...and I wonder if it will be broadcast over whatever communication systems we have...I thought it was funny.

I have done my damndest to keep away from people lately as Im just not sociable.

But they drop in randomly and this visit in particular wasa reminder that temptation comes from any source!

Ali was drunk and out partying, I was supposed to go to a new year bash with him and Klay etc but wanted to spend it quietly alone ifI could not spend it with the man I love.

He was a little put out but understood.

He wanted to come over at 4am as everything was shut and he was smashed. I said no as I felt like shit and had seroquel. He turned up anyway and was really trashed.

It was funny though, hes a good friend.

But he confessed to being a drug addict, which was suprising since hes so responsible about his army position. He threw a baggie of speed at me and insisted I have it.

So, I tasted it, and it tasted like good speed. Then luckily he started tickling me so it was impossible to consume any more.

I was tired from seroquel so told him Id drive him home later, he could stay but Im going to sleep. He passed out later after having one of my pills.

At the end of the day, technically I broke my sobriety but didnt get any effect from tasting it and cravings did not return.

Meh. I like random visitors usually. This was good.

There have been a lot. I have harmed myself greatly and I accept this fact. More repercussions from the self-hating, self-punishing acts from my past are still to come and I'll deal with them as they arise. At least I'm learning but some lessons can be hard.

I remember when I called off my engagement about 7 or 8 years ago. She told me "You're going to live a lonely life." I forget the conversation that prompted this but I remember that sentence.

Truth be told, I am lonely. I always thought I was the kind of guy that could handle or even prefer not having people in my life.

The needle made me realize how alone I was. I remember craving some sort of human physical contact and went to an NA meeting. Can you believe that I didn't even get a hug at that fucker?

People tend to like me. For some reason, folks are drawn to me. Why? I don't really know. I still keep myself distanced from most regardless of the need for a friend.

Right now, I'm hurting real fucking bad and just want to talk to someone.

I haven't taken my anti-depressants in 2 weeks. I went cold turkey (which isn't advisable) and don't plan on taking them until I can figure shit (emotionally/mentally) out in a unaltered state of mind.

Survival of the fittest is natural law. Should I have survived this long? I think that medicine tricked nature and allowed a weak, emotional and mentally unstable individual through the cracks.

I've been obsessing of suicide but it just depresses me more. I can't take myself out while my dog is still alive. It would confuse him too much. I can't do drugs to numb myself. I think this damage I've caused is irrepairable.

Headed to 'M's' place for a session. I'm kinda nervous. I haven't seen her in a bit and I've been really fucked in the head lately.

I went back on the anti-d's today and am worried that my libido will be affected. Man, I'm obsessed about and pissed that my orgasm days are over due to the paxil. It kind of limits sexual options. Yeah, it works out for her because if I don't cum I don't go limp.

But still, there are TONS of sexual things that incorporate ejaculation that we COULD do. I kinda feel like I'm missing out.

I guess its better than the alternatives

Today is Sunday, Janurary 4th, 2009 and it is now 1:04 PM here in the Philippines.

Music wise, I will repost a song I that I had in my Journal, a tune from a HedKandi Lounge CD. "HedKandi" is a series of old House, Disco, Funk, as well as newer Lounge, Vocal Trance, and so on. It is one of my favourite compliation series with the other 2 faves being "Ministry of Sound" and "Ultra" from Ultra Records, which isprimarily Vocal Trance. Ministry is all Trance and Vocal Trance as well.

The song is by 2 DJS, "T Rock and Squashy," and is called "Crooked Smile." The video is non-existent, only the song playing but it is very short, 2 minutes and change and is highly infectious. I guarantee it is worth the listen. The back story is mad cool as well.

Squashy was in Atlanta, Georgia in the US, digging in the crates as the saying goes (looking for rare vinyl) and he found a test pressing by a combo that never got signed.

It is always like that! The best guitarist is not going to be Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton or Mark Knopfler, it is going to be some guy who never got a record deal, maybe working in a carwash somewhere unnoticed. The man who led the combo who made the test pressing was elderly when he made it , and died soon after. The 2 DJs remixed the track, laid a beat on it and now many will get to hear it which is kind of neat.

Check it out:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9xFTiYz5_Q

The second song is by one of my favourite reggae bands, "Third World." They played mostly Roots Reggae but with a more melodic sound and heavier beat. Most of the members were "Maroons," which is the local term for the descedants of escaped slaves who made their way up into the Blue Mountains of Jamaica and successfully fought the British Army.

The British and the Maroons managed to agree to a truce that gave them perpetual freedom and land. Unfortunately the Maroons also agreed to turn over any future run away slaves but that is a different sordid tale.

This song was written by Stevie Wonder actually, for the group, and is called "Try Jah Love," and the video was made at the 1983 Reggae Sunsplash. "Sunspalsh" is an annual Reggae concert held in Negril, Jamaica. :

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcJ61-pee70

Reading wise, I have been reading out of print books online again but not from Gutenburg,. This time I am reading books on the Philippines , on sites run by local historians. The current book is "Coming of the Kris," written in the 1930s and discusses the Islamicasation of the southern Philippines, as well as the rule of Spaniards. Very interesting. A "kris" being the sword length dagger, very much akin to the 2 handed Chinese fighting swords.


Rizza is back in classes in Cebu, and Ariel is staying here on the compound as he waits for word on his visa to the UK. He is very nervous, but spends his nights out carousing with cousins and girls, living the life of a 23 year old bachelor.


My bitch (female dog) Jambie is pregnant again! In 2007 one of our labourers had a dog give birth. I saw the tiny pups after they had almost all come off the teat and I knew what the Labourers would do with it and its siblings. Our labourers eat all manner of living thing, including pups and believe it or not, even roadkill (animals run over by cars and trucks).

Well I thought one of the pups was very cute and so one day after telling Mom how much I liked that pup she got him for me without telling me! He was still drinking milk and whining like they do when taken , espeically before being weaned.

I literally stayed up all night with him, feeding him small bowls of milk every 15 to 20 minutes. He did not even know how to drink it until I stuck my finger in the bowl and made him hold open his mouth. I was happy that it only took 2 or 3 struggles with him before he began hitting that milk like it was crack.

So happy, smacking his little lips, wagging his tiny tail but at daybreak his started screaming , well screaming as much as dogs can even do. Anyway...I became alarmed, especially when he began dragging his little ass along my tiled floor. I thought for sure that he had bad parasites but to my suprise he was trying to simply pass a bowel movement!

Dogs do not really defecate as such for their first few weeks. He had no idea how to even take a shit!!! Hahahaha. So then I did the unthinkable. Yep! I took a surgical glove and put my pinky up his little bun! Hence the title of my entry today hahahahaha.

Well after I got him started he went at it like a pro and has honed his craft ever since. We named him, Rizza and I, "Baby Jumbo." He was so tiny, only a handful, and yet he wanted to be a big dog already so I thought the name apt and also thought it cute (still do).

Well he became like a little baby to me, following me everywhere. Until now he loves me so much. He sleeps on my feet, cries like a baby if I do not help him up into our bed but I had to curtail that given the fleas, etc. We have a couple of dozen dogs on the compound, actually at least 18 after which I stopped keeping track.

At meals on the verandah he sits patiently, wagging his tail, and I always give him snacks which I should not do but I love him so much! It is funny, I have such a difficult time with love of humans and yet I love so willingly with Jumbo.

After a couple of months with Jumbo, Rizza and I returned from the village only to find a strange looking dog behind my TV in the sala (Living Room). The dog was shaking like a leaf and when I tried to get it out from under the coffee table I sit the TV on it bared its teeth and snapped!!!

My first thought was rabies which is a huge problem here, so I went and found Mom to find out if she knew this dog. She told me that she had put it there. Some rice farmer's wife from down the road came into the compound carrying it and could no longer care for it. Why did Mom put a crazy dog behind my TV? That is still a mystery!

I eventually coaxed it out with a bowl of food and water and after a couple of days of it hiding behind the TV after meals, it began coming out little by little. It then allowed me to pet it gently, with the ears pinned back in that sign of submission.

It was then that I discoved it was female. I allowed my sister-in-law Marian, aged 10 now, to name it. She chose the name "Jambie." She learned to eat but refused to ever leave outside our home , to go with the other dogs. I believe she must have been terribly abused, either that or mentally ill. She shakes like she is having convulsions but once she sees the front door closed she is back to being cute.


By now she is great but only with me. Rizza she ignores, but also does not try to bite her which is a huge step for Jambie.

Both dogs are a loosely defined breed that most call "Native Dogs" in English. There are 2 types: I) small and compact, grey/tan, VERY intelligent AND VERY loyal. They make great guard dogs. II) larger but skinny, very red coated with the orange eyes.

The second type, Tye II is almost identical to the Ethiopian Wolf, a species of wolf in Africa. They could be twins.

Jumbo is Type I, Jambie is Type II.

Well, I will close on this note due to the character count here. I will continue in a subsequent post...