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Today is still Wednesday, Janurary 14th, 2009 and it is now 5:25 AM here in the Philippines.

So, with all the players outof the way, an update on the war here...

I will just start at Jan. 6th, so it will not be 10 pages long.

1/07: In Kabacan, North Cotabato at a church compound, 2 men (could it be those "Security Guards" hahaha?) on a motorcycle threw a Fradmentation grnade into the church compound, in the 2rd such attack on that one church in 20 months. The last attack on it was 12/29. Noone killed in that melee.

The evening before, 1/06 a motorcycle with - you guessed it! 2 men on a motorcycle!- fired an M203 rifle grenade into JBMEC hardware store, a Bisaya owned business. No one killed in that one either.

Also on 1/07, a man living near me who owns a bank was kidnapped in Surigao del Sur Province (just down my road). No word on whether he is dead or alive, kidnapping is extremely prevalent here.

Again, on 1/07 a large gun running operation was taken down. I have talked, in the past about certain villages famous for manufacturing any kind of conventional weapon you might want and offering it at rock bottom prices. Also made are accessories like specialised scopes, reloaders, and my fave, silencers and/or suppressors.

The major island for the trade is Dad's island, where we also have a 2nd home, Cebu. the village involved in the police operation was Danao.

The Govt. originally tried a rather creative solution in that they recognised the talent and skill of the families there who have made guns as far back as the 1600s.When you buy your weapons you can arrange to have them delivered anywhere in SE Asia.The ring in question was caught bbringing in a small load to Comval (Compostela Province) on Mindanao.


1/09: Malaybalay City has begun forming up an SCAA paramilitary (expalined in my last post) to work under the 23rd IB (Infrantry Battalion) against the NPA. The "city" (lasrge village is all) sits on the border of Surigao del Sur and Agusan del Sur Provinces (the latter being my Province) and as such they need a Blocking Force to run interference against the NPA between the 2 places.

The paramilitary will have 2 small companies for a total of 100 men to begin with and will be heading to Camp Osito Bahian for 45 days military training.

That same day, 1/09 in front of a shool in Zamboanga City, a rickshaw ("trike") driver abducted the a boy and was caught within 24 hours. It is belived to be an Abu Sayyaf kidnapping .

1/09: Sure to cause much more bloodshed, the Govt. erased the Province of Sharrif Kabunsuan. It had been created by the ARMM ( Automous Region of Muslim Mindanao). When Supreme Court ruled that since the Ancetral Domain Act has been deemed as Unconstitutional, any rulings using ARMM as an impetus must also be nullified.

It was the Supreme Couty Ruuling nullifiying Acenstral Doman that case the ARMM to move back into open warfare again! Surely this move will only multiply the actors in this violent protesting, if you can call Ethnic Cleansing and War to "protesting."

1/10: In another thing espeically worrying me is a press release from "UTG,"" the Urban Terror Group" which is a faction of the Abu Sayyaf Group. The UTG which relegates its activities to urban settings has released a major press release calling on attacks with connectiosn to the "Israeli Geonicde in

On 1/10 the MILF simaltaneously blew up a major power generating station belonll as major pylons, the tower used to support the electrical cables, etc. This has caused major power outages all over W.Mindanao which continue thus far.

On 1/11 near Datu Saudi Ampatuan, Maguindanao Province., chasing MILF's Kummander Bravo of Base 105 the tables were turned when from the bush arounnd them, on all sides, they were hammered for 40 minutes , wounding 2. The AFP CO was able to radio in 105 MM Howitzer strikes so that they couldsafely disengage and retreat, harried all the way.

I/11: At 8:40 AM , and also consoldoate the holdings by taking in the sore as well.the 46th Infantry reengaged Kummander Kato on the last day of a 7 day engagement which saw both sides enscnoned in a long confrontation in which 3 guerillas from Kato's Command 102nd. The firefight took place in Sito Tapatan, Barangay Kitango, Datu Audi Ampatuan in Maguindanao Province.

The 7 day battle began in a case of MILF Ethnically Cleasing the Bisaya/Ilongo village of Kalmansig, stealing a herd of more than 60 karaboa (water buffalo) and then buring every building to prevent villagers from returning.

This particular MILF Command is from that area and was acting out of revenge for having family land stolen.

The Navy was moored just off shore from the sea side village to fire on the hillsides should the MILF decide to put on a show of force and even try to retake the land.

1/11: 2 APCs (Armoured Personell Carriers) filled with Infantrymen from the 46th IB lost more than 20 soldiers when poiunded by RPG from just 10 meters away when engaged by Kumander Urstaz Wahid Tundok of the MILF. The fire fight lasted just 10 minutes.

1/11: On Bicol , another island north os us, they will be getting the pleasure we had in 2008 when Big Bro, I mean Uncle Sam comes to town to play War Gamnes with the AFP, in an Operation called locally ,"Balikatan," "Shoulder to Shoulder" more or less. The month long Operation will be preceeeded this month with 400 America civlians , MDs, nurses, and engineers on civiv projects in that non-sensical "Win Hearts and Minds" PSYOPS Programme that loves to have big budgts lavished on it as it revceives praise for pulling the teeth of 40 or 50 opoor children who will then die by age 10 anyway because of substandard hygeine andfollow-up medical care.

We had the Progrramme in 2008, and it sucked. Since I look like an American (llight skinned with bright blue eyes, and a military appearance thanks to Israel) I had to lay very low, very, very low.

I will continue...

So true. These things, for me at least, must be avoided.

I've been having a hard time sleeping at night. I finally fell asleep at 5 am this morning and woke up at 2:30 pm. I was absolutely starved when I woke up and, since I had the day off, I was tempted to pick up some beer. I went to work to pick up my paycheck and the desire was amplified. While I was at the pizza shop I made a HUGE fucking salad and, what do you know? I no longer craved alcohol.

Thanks to that salad I now have 7 days clean. Cool!

School starts next week so that will keep me busy and energized for my future. One day at a time ought to do it.

Today is Wednesday Janurary 14th, 2009 and it is now 3:04 AM here in the Philippines.

So, I have given a moderate description of all the anti-Govt forces at work, now for the Govt side...

There is the AFP, "Armed Forces of the Philippines", which I began talking about in the beginning of my description of the wars here. It consists of the Army, the Marines, Navy, and the PNP, which is the Philippines National Police.

Unlike many countries, especially those in the West, the police here are nationalised, not on the municipal level. There are also a quasi- municipal force known as "Barangay Police," or "Village Police" but they are really nothing but an impotent Neighbourhood Watch.

then you have the CAFGU, which is a paramilitary raised by the Govt. They get 45 days training by he AFP and are then issued Garland rifles, whic are cheap WWII castoffs and are expected to go toe to toe with the guerilla armies which is really nothing more than a sick joke.

CAFGU grew out of the "Philippines Constalbury" which in its day was actually part of the armed forces, the 4th branch (at that time there was Army, Navy, and Air Force but no Marines).As with the Constalbury, CAFGU is usually made up of gangster types, although having a criminal record is SUPPOSED TO preclude membership.

There is also a little known related paramilitary that most Filipinos themselves are completely uunaware of, and as far as I know operate only here on Mindanao, the "SCAA," or "Special CAFGU Auxiliary."

CAFGU is entirely funded by the Govt. although it also takes pay under the table from the people who wish for "extra" protection, meaning any protection in reality. SCAA though takes both Govt. funds and private funds , primarily the later so that it is a more true to form Right Wing paramilitary.

Then there is the "Ilaga," which is Bisya for "Rats," which I have talked about in the past. They began in the early 70s, by Bisaya and Ilongo ethnics here on Mindanao, in response to Islamic pramilitaries like the "Black Shirts" and "Barracudas" who fought hand in hand with the muslim guerilla MNLF and MILF armies.


Their aim was to protect Bisaya and Illongo villages from Muslims guerillas and bandits.

Then there so called "Ilongo Land Grabbers, " a paramilitary under the "Illongo Land Association."

The Illongo are closely related to the Bisya, and both are primarily Catholic., Like the Bisaya the Ilongo come from more northerly islands and have been migrating here for about 100 years but mostly, like Bisaya, since the late 1950s.

The ilongo though tended to settle Western Mindanao while Bisaya (my wife's People) have setttled Eastern Mindanao. Eastern Mindanao had no Muslims whatsoever, save for some of the Bajoa Tribe, so called "Sea Gypsies" who lived only on their boats most of the year, a practice that is fading.

Badjoa were and are very marginalised, their islam being a form of mostly Animist practices which makes them anathema to most other Muslim tribes here. The point being though that there was no Muslims living on the land when Bisya came.

There were however Lumad, the collective name for Animist Tribals, what are called "Hill People" on Mainland Asia, like tribes in Laos, Nam, Cambodia, Thailand and so on. Virtually all Lumad at that time were completely nomadic, though the lands now in Bisaya hands were valuable hunting grounds, that became worthless to most Lumad once the Bisaya cleared them for farming.

By the 1920s most Lumad had run for the hills or deep in swamps and so there was little conflict after that. In Western Mindanao though, Muslims had settled there about 100 years before the Spanish claimed the islands so that when Ilongo and Bisaya made it there in the late 19th Century the Muslims were very well established. They even had their own nations, Sultantes, like Maguindanao, and the Sulu,(based on the more southerly Sulu archipelago but with territory on Mindanao).

The Ilongo and Bisaya though had the Spoanish, then the Yanks, and finally the Philippine Govt backing them and they were able to disposses many long term Muslim clans. From the late 19th Cntury there has been especially bloody fighting over land in that half of Mindanao, which begins about 140 kilometers to my south, and 80 to my west.

Alot of the groups considered to be Ilongo Land or Ilaga were actually allied roups of an altogether different nature. Groups like the TadTad (so called "Chop- Chops"), who wove Animist religion into their ideology. Head hunting, cannibalism, drinking enmies blood, believing bullets could not harm them or that they were even invisible were some of the more well know points.

By the early 1990s these groups had waned, however since the summer of 2008 they have been revided in a huge way. Tatooing has returned, a practice in disrepute for many years, symbolic only of criminals, is now becoming common place. Fetishes like wearing enemies ears on chains around the neck, wild boar tusks, even shrunken heads make them especially well known. Gone are the Garlands given to CAFGU, replaced by M16s and M4s gfiven directly to them by the Govt.

Then you have tribal armies, especially the Eastern Mindanao tribes, with some pro-Govt., less pro-Communist and so on. Clan armies, really only prevalent in the western half, but family militias fairly common all over Mindanao.

I once told Dtgergent and Crystal (Maria Callas) here on BL, in a Journal entry how Mindanao was home to a group called "Lost Command." The term "Lost Command" signifes any renegade military group but started with a man in my village, Col, Carlos "Laddie" Lademora, an Illongo who was stationed with the Constalbuty in Lanao Province on this island during the 50s as a Captain and learned his craft well.

When he left the PC (Constalbury) he took many loyalists with him and settled first on the island of Samr where illegal logging is a huge business (which has deforested the island onlt in 30 years, a landslide because of it just took place 3 days ago killing an entire clan).

On Samar, on 9/15/1981 a small group from his force entered a population center, Barangay Sag-od in the village of Las Navas where they rounded up the entire population. They then herded them into a school, telling them that he wanted to talk to them about "Peace," a sort of reeducation programme they tried to do back then.

The males were separated from the group and told that they would first need to help with a land clearing operation down the trail and led into the bush. Out of earshot, over the mountain behind their vuillage, they werere all killed. Then the women and children were forcibly interrogated over a local NPA commander named "Kummander Racel (sic.)" None knew anything or even the name so Lademora's men then murdered 45 women and children, blew up every hut in the village as well as that school.


The case drew International Attention and this caused Marcos to iron out a deal with Lademora to escape a charge of complicty in the act. Marco's Minister of Defence was the major shareholder in the Philippine corporation which was dforesting this medium sized island, I will omit that name for concern over moniitoring software which can zero in on any mentioning of a specific word. That man has large holdings here and is known to our family on a very close basis.

Avoiding all charges, he and his force withdrew from Samar and where did they go? San Franz!!! MY VILLAGE!


His patron from the lumber business had invested heavily in the joint Malaysian/Philippine concern that had brought off the British investment group that held the major shares in the Palm Oil plantation directly bordering our family lands.

This was in 89, and they have been here since, and this past spring almost executed a Government Minister who was in a convoy visiting the plantation which is the largest Palm Oil operation in the world. Luckily they were only pistol whipped and sent packing. Complaining to the Army Garrison in our village, the Govt. Minister was told that the only choice he had was to accept what happened as a "Learning Experience."Lademora is the man single handedly responsible for the phrase "Lost Command."

Lademora is getting older though, quite infirm but his group is thriving.

Then there was another "local hero" of sorts. Lt. Col. Alexander Noble , CO of the 23rd Infantry in the Army, formed a CAFGU force of mostly Higaonan tribesmen and in July of 1990 "went native" with his 400 man army and hundreds more Irregulars (part time soldiers).

His base of operations was in the Higaonan tribal area, west of Esperanza in my province, Agusan del Sur, in and around their holiest site, the mountain of Sinakungan.

6 Marine Battalions began a manhunt and after a very, very bloody 2 months they captured Noble. His men were mostly given Asylum and entered the Philippine Army as Govt. soldiers of the 36th infantry and deployed to our provincial capital of Prosperidad.

Tribal armies still function and add yet another facet to the dynamic.

Then there are the "Rido," clan feuds which affect not only Muslim and Lumad but Bisaya and Ilongo as well. As I have said, we are in the midst of a mildly bloody one now.

So, that should conclude my discussion of all the groups.

There are also vigilante Right Wing paramilitaries which aim to curb crime,college fraternaties here funtcion as militias too! See what I mean about Westerners complaining bout Gaza? Most are oblivious to the world.

Today is Wednesday Janurary 14th, 2009 and it is now 12:43 AM here in the Philipines.


Music wise, I am just listening to a Microsfot Media stremlined Vocal Trance station (DJIM, Vocal Trance, 56K) and I listen to it alot with Vocal Trance probably being my favourite genre (most of the time).

Book wise, still into the book on India as well as "Accidental Empire" by Gershom Gorenberg. in English, it is about the so called "Israeli Settler Movement" that began in 1967 and is now on its last legs, thank G-D.

As for the title, well since I gave a very long and boring history of the Islamic Insurrection(s) here in the Philippines I thought that just in case people ever actually cared about the dynamic here, or even Communism in general, that I ought to give equal time in explaining the Communist Insurrection as well.

Getting right into it...

In the mid 1930s, in central and northern Luzon, the island that holds Manila, a movement arose, and christened itself "Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas," ( Communist Party of the Philippines or "CPP" for short).

In WWII Japan invaded Luzon and the rest of the country and guerilla movements were formed to figh them. On Luzon the upper classes tended to side with the Japanese, seeing it as a way to gain freedom from American domination which frustrated their economic ambitions as well. The fact that landholders sided with the Japanese spurred the CPP to form an armed wing in 1942, "Hukong Bayan Laban sa Mga Hapon" (Peoples' Army Against the Japanese) although they were more commonly known by a contraction of their name, "Hukbalahap," and later as simply the "Huk."It was led by a 4 person central committee but had a single figurehead for the public, Luis Tarac.

When the war ended the Huk, like most guerilla groups had high hopes for a bright future and they ceased most military activity to enter the political arena. However, when it managed to gain some seats in the Senate the new govt. invalidated their party and so they were once again the epitome of the disenfranchised.

This inspred the group to reform as a Leninist Communist guerilla force and after a meteroic rise capitliising on their partisan history , they made some huge tactical errors which culminated in the cold blooded killing of a popular senator's family as they were travelling in a motorcade. Their mass base of support, so critical to any guerilla war quickly evaporated almost as quickly as it had formed leaving the group incredibly marginalised by 1950.

Trying to waft away the stench of their misdeeds they reformed in 1950 as "Hukbong Mapagpalaya ng Bayan (Peoples' Liberation Army," or PLA).

In that same year, 1950 the American Truman Admnistration began coordinating a mass PSYOPs program (Psychological Warfare) spearheaded by the CIA's famed Ed Landsdale but this US intervention has the opposite of its intended effect in once again mobilising a huge mass base of support for the communist guerillas.

By 1954 the Huk had again shrank in support and also in manpower to a force of less than 1000 marginalised fighters with very little armed effectiveness.

At this point the Philippines could have broken the group but failed to seize the iniative and lost that precious chance.After founder Luis Tarlac surrendered in 54 the group gradually sank into oblivion but its ideological base amongst intellectuals remained powerful, since the govt. failed to remain vigliant and continue hounding the ideologues since the military threat was dissipating.

In the early 60s these ideologues reformed the Party as "Bagong Hukbong Mapagpalaya ng Bayan" but forwent any armed struggle and di not even bother to form an armed wing.

Then, in the wake of the turbulent late 60s under Marcos, a new generation of ideologues emerged, who had a much different outlook. these new activists were keen on Maoism while rejecting Leninism.

Leninism, or the Soviet form of Communism, favoured a rebellion by the working masses of urbanised areas while Maoists were in the Chinese orbit and favoured a protracted struggle in the rural sector.

In Central Luzon on the Xmas Holiday of 1968 Jose Maria Sison spearheded the founding of the reformed "CPP" and codified the new struggle. A couple of months later in March of 69 they formed the NPA, "New Peoples' Army," their armed wing which today is the face of Communist REvolution here.

Sison had been trying to figure a way in which to iniate his vision for rural armed struggle. When he met Bernabe Buscayno, AKA "Kummander Dante," an older veteran of the Luzon Huk during WWII and the following yuears he realised Buscayno could lead the armed revolt he was aiming to start, and so he did.

By the mid-80s the NPA was in serious danger of taking over the nation, but through huge ideological and tactical errors lost that chance (lots of lost chances but that s history after all). First, the party began splitering.

The 80s were famous worldwide for "Revolutionary Theology," a radical movement within the Catholic Church with priests and monks around the world leading leftist struggles. The Philippines with its overwhelming Catholic heritage was extremely vulnerable to the movement and in the Codillera Region of Luzon, the mountains, Lumad (tribasl) flocked to a priest named Father Conrado Balweg.

Balweg became the most powerful of the Communist military leaders for a short period of time and capitalising on his power base led his faction out of the NPA and formed a group called first, "Cordillera Peoples' Liberation Front" and shortly there after, in 1985, "Corillera Peoples' Liberation Army."

He wanted emphasis placed on the Cordillera tribals whom he thought were getting shortchanged by NPA ideals and leadership. His group battled the NPA more than the govt and soon settled with the Govt.

Meanwhile the movement entered a stage called "Great Rectification," or retroactively known as the "First Rectification" in 1988. Forces called "Rejectionists" were those disloyal to Sison and the CPP leadership and were primed for extermination which resulted in entire villages being wiped out.

It is claimed that the Govt also took advantage of the discord to also exterminate population centres and blame it on the NPA infighting.

The force which had reached its peak with 30,000 armed Regulars (full time soldiers) was decimated and marginalised everywhere but Mindanao (lucky us).

Then, in 1992 it entered the "2nd Rectification" meant to clean house on govt deep penetration agents but in reality was merely a vechile to consolidate the movement and until 1998 also resulted in large scale genocide.

In the same time period as the Cordillera Factionilisation, the urban element of the NPA also crystlallised into a separate faction in Manila because of the NPA's over-emphasis on rural struggle at the expense of urban guerilla tactics. This group never fomally broke from the NPA command structure but was just about independant, known as the "Alex Boncayo Brigade" and led by Felimon "Popoy" Lagman." ABB as it became known was the group who targetted all US personel, including the killing of the founder of the SERE (survival school of US military) in the late 80s.

Strong in Metro-Manila as well as the Visayan Islands in the central part of the nation.

In 1997 it teamed up with the "Revolutionary Proletarian Army (RPA) based in the Visayas, led Arturo Tabara and this forced a power struggle within the larger ABB which resulted in Lagman being forced to withdraw from the organisation and he ended up applying for Asylum , which was granted by the Govt. He then became a labour organiser on Luzon before being killed in 2001 by RPA faction members.

A side note on that, his killers , some, were finally arrested this year and were murdered in prison just a few days ago by loyal ABB members.

In 1999 ABB-RPA formed their own truly independant organisation, "Rebolusyonaryong Pratido ng Manggagawa-Pilipinas" (RPMP).

In 2000 the new group made peace with the Govt and has not been active militarily since.

In 1992 a faction on Mindanao , reacting to both an ideological shift as well as the 1st and 2nd Rectifications rejected the leader Sison's newly aoounced policy change that the struggle was seeking to change a society that he considered "semi-feudal" when this mindanao faction believed Philippine society to in fact be "dependant-capitalist." This difference in outlooks led to the formation of a separate organisation in parts of Mindanao, called "Revolutionary Workers' Party of Mindanao," or "RPM-M."

RPM-M wsa aligned with the ABB-RPA until the latter made peace in 2000 and at that point RPM-M iniated its own independant armed struggle in May of 2001.

Since 2007 though it has demoblised in increments and been assimilated back into society after concluding that the time for armed struggle was in the future (in reality meaning they had been bought off).

Today only the NPA remains but is almost as strong as it was at its mid-80s height. The Govt vows to destroy it by 2010 but there is now ay that this will happen, not even close. They are growing by leaps and bounds but outside of Mindanao are very weak. Their actions off of the island merely amount to acts of nuisance although they did just capture 3 cops on another island.

I will continue in a following post...

I've got WAY too much on my plate this term, I mean it's a ridiculous amount of work for me. I know that some people can work full time and go to school, but for me even part time is too much work. This is because I also have my work as an event planner and promoter, and I don't want to give that up - it's not only fun, it's an important resume builder too for a possible future as an event coordinator for nonprofits.
So school - 30 hours a week at least (class and studying)
Work - 15-20 hours a week
Event planning work - about 10 hours a week
Housecleaning and errands - 5 hours a week
Equals = at least 60 hours of work!

I think I'm going to threaten to quit my job if my boss, after he gets back from vacation, doesn't schedule me for only one day a week. If he schedules me for two or more I'm going to have to quit, and just risk that they might not need me in the summer. I like my work, but this is too much, I'm depending on amphetamine salts every day (adderall prescription) but I am still barely keeping my head above water. Something's gotta go!

how is a 25 mg/hr fentanyl patch that you chew compared to a 100 transdermal system where you would eat the gel?
i have 4 25mg/hr patches that im going to chew. but ive only ever done fet. 100s and eaten the gel.
which is better?

Today is Tuesday, Janurary 13th, 2009 and it is now 4:34 AM here in the Philippines.

Music wise, I have been listening to my Ofra Chaza CDs, so no beating you in the head with Youtube videos this time around. In the West she is know as "Ofra Haza," is very famous in Alternative circles.

She has had all kinds or collaborations, and has been sampled by everyone from the EU Trip Hop group "Mars" to the American rapper "Rakim" (Oaid in Full).

Her family were Yemeni Jews, she was very dark skinned, and she is said to have had the finest voice of anyone living in her generation with the widest Register ever recorded. She married a rich businessman by the last name of Aloni, whose family I know. Sadly, he was a junkie who injected.

He gave her HIV and both are long dead. She died many years ago.

Book wise, reading"Freedom at Midnight" by Larry Collins and Dominique La Pierre, and it is a non-fictional book about the Independance of India, from right before it to the Partition of India and Pakistan with Ghandi figuring prominently.

I always find it very interesting to note how lionised public figures are always considered to be these virtuous superheroes, these paragons of strength and morality.

Ghandi for example, he had some strong points certainly, but his same strong points were his weakest features. A religious Hindu, he tried to force the very large Muslim minority to accept One Stare Rule whether they cared to or not. For the record, they abhorred the idea almost universally.

He believed in eating only minimal amounts of food, manipulating the media and pointing to his caloric consumption while using it as a selling point, as if to illustrate the depravity and corrupt nature of British Rule in India.

He was very much the Hindu however he advocated negation of the Caste System. At the same time that he fought so strenuously for his own land's freedom, he disparaged any other groups who fought for theirs, if he personally did not care for the group or its aims.

One of those groups happens to be the Jews. Ghandi had gone to S. Africa as a youth and while Aparthied was not yet codified, it was very much practiced and Ghandi, in between Blacks and Whites ( in fact one step up from Coloureds), saw that Jews OFTEN (not always depending on skin tone but he remained ignorant of this) treated as Whites.

For this he was in contempt of them. He most often met dark skinned Arabs and so in his mind he equivocated the Israeli struggle with Imperialism and Racism when in fact Jew and Arab are the same as a Calucttan and a native of Madras. BOTH are Semitic.

In the end old Ghandi ate a lead lunch when some Hindu extremists who thought his attempts at doing away with the Caste System were an affront to the very basis of their Culture, blew him to bits after he stepped off a train.

Good book, not the first one I have read on the subject but one of the better ones for sure.

Other such "paragons," are people like MLK (Matrin Luter King of the US Civil Rights Movement). A married Baptist preacher and a family man to the bone - PUBLICLY - in reality he loved to smoke, drink, and joke but most of all to play the ladies' man.

This does not take away on iota from his legacy as far as I am concerned. He struggled to end a horrid system, against great odds, and lost his life in doing so. That is not somehow different just because he had untold affairs.

I am espeically taken aback by the likes of 2 Anti-Apartheid figures, held to be saints by many.

Nelson Mandela. who has not held him up as an ideal? Much less known though is the fact that he is no different than Osama Bin Laden except that he kept his terrorisn only in and around his country. Babies heads getting blown off, black as well as white proves that he is among the most vile of men.

During his imprisonment on Robben Island he then became a snitch and was moved to a split-level suburban type home, given run of the roost, and had his own fax machine, private visits with women, and so on. This is where he spent most of the imprisonment which has sadly been held up as an example of his moral fortitude.

His fellow ANC members who were on Robben Island with him though had no such luck. Unlike Mandela, they were only in the organisation's political organisation. Mandela was the founder and leader of the "Spear," the armed wing. When you know ALL these facts things look might different to say the least.

But a special person on my litle list is Arch-Bishop Desmond Tutu. This man is a hate mongering Jew-Hater of the worst kind. Among his many gems was the time he told the Jerusalem Post (7/26/85) how Jews lied about the Holocaust just to make money, and that Israel is nothing but a business venture for them. Pretty amazing about being so Capitalist in nature given that Israel was hardcore Socialist/Communist until the end of the 1980s!

Comparing America's "Jewish Lobby" to Hitler, Milosevic, Stalin...Saying Israel is WORSE than S. Africa under Apartheid...Jews should forgive Nazis and Nazis have no reason to say sorry to Jews...Jews are an arrrogant People...When accused of being 'snti-Semitic' his answer? "TOUGH LUCK!"

Asked another time whether he is an "anti-Semite," his response: "My dentist is Dr Cohen."Among choicer things he has said: "Jews thought they had a monopoly on G-D, Jesus was angry with them (wait? Was Jesus a Jew as well genius?), "Jews are a peculiar People," "Jews should be judged be a different standard,"
and on it goes.

There was a time, in an unrelated thread in CE and P (Politics) Forum where someone began lionising the man and I had the audacity to question this depiction of Tutu as some moral super hero.

Well they ran with that of course. It got so bad with personal insuults that I just ignored the thread, ALWAYS a smart idea. Which brings me to another very related subject: The situation in Gaza.

There are at least 4 current BL threads on it, one of which is in the European and African Drug Discussion Forum (why there, I do not know). Some concerned member let me know that I should look into what they were saying, and I did.

The result? The usual personal insults, calling ALL Israeli brutal, racist, and oppressive without realising that their doing so makes them guilty of THOSE things while still failing to even remotely prove their claims!

Then today, a former Mod and now one of the "BL Crew" chimed in on how repulsive it is that Israel is doing what ti is doing, etc. He remarked that a picture in the Guardian of a dead Arab girl, supposed to have been killed by an Israeli artillery shell made him cry. Nothing at all wrong with that and indeed, admitting that you cried is quite poignant in my book and gives you points.

However, doing so, in response to a manipulative photo in a periodical that is 100% biased (actually worse than most Arab media if you can imagine, has not had even an objective, let alone pro-Israel slant in at least 20 years, in ANY articles), is another issue altogether.

I remarked that it is good that he cried but why is he NOT crying for the children in S'derot Israel, in Sha'ar HaNegev, Be'ersheva, Ashkelon, and dozens of other places to the tune of more than 100,000 Israelis who have had to live within 12 seconds of a bomb shelter for the last 36 months?

I asked him if he had cried when that 15 year old Israeli girl in S'derot, who was walking home her 7 year old retarded brother when the Alarms went off -and knew she could not make it within 12 seconds- thew the boy down and laid atop him before having her body torn in half by one of those "harmless" Qassams. I asked him if he had cried seeing the pictures of that 7 year old Mongoloid wailing over her decapitated head.

Well , this poster sent me a PM. The PM was very, very short, just 2 lines. It said that I was a fucking asshole who he wanted to punch in the jaw, and that he had never felt that way about any other BLer in his 9 years on the site. He ended it by
calling me a "condescenging asshole."

To his credit he relegated this to PM, which I fully support. I took the time once again to explain the disparity in his reponse, and also offered that he should not feel frustrated in wanting to hit me because I alone perhaps, of all BLers give my actual full name and address in my info here!

Anytime, anyplace, anyone. I do not like cyber-tough guys using ridiculous screen names, making threats from their PCs. I would rather all people could act mature and rational AND discuss things. However, if it moves beyond that, I have no problem and would rather confront a threat head on. Anyway, like 99.9 percent of internet tough guys it will all come to naught. Too bad. With the stress I have here it might be uplifting.

I will continue later...

and another day COMPLETELY clean.

Day 6 here I come!

---------------------------

Well, I actually stopped reading some threads tonight because I started to get cravings for slamming coke. Reading about IV coke made me start thinking unrealistically. I'm glad that cravings leave quickly.

Life seems pretty simple to me right now. All I need to do is NOT USE and treat people well and everything else will work itself out but DAMN I sure got a big urge to use for those brief moments.

I gotta face it. Coke will always be around, needles will always be accessible but the fact remains... I cannot use successfully.

No more for me, thanks!

I'm scared. I don't know where my life is going or where i am in the broader picture.

I recently have been drinking myself to the point of blackouts so i can feel emotions. And i actually like the roller coaster of going from happy to sad to confused to whatever else. It's fucked up. Why am i doing this to myself? I am thinking rehab but in the end i am not sure how bad my problem is and i think i need perspective.

I am on citalopram and for the past 6 months have been drinking to excess every single night. To the point i lost my job because of it.

My psychologist says i need to go to tafe or uni and use my mind because he believes most of my problems come from being *and i am NOT saying i am here* far to intelligent to be wasting my life in a dead end job just to survive and earn money.

But i don't know how to think to survive any other way. So in dark times i bury myself away in whatever drug is convenient at the time.

I just wish i had a starting point to be who i have the potential to be, but where to start??? I think my life is forever going to be not what i want it to be. I'm a dreamer and i wish i wasn't!

It's just such a confusing time in my life. I try to share my thoughts and feeling with those i love but the words don't seem to explain (and even here) how lost i truly feel.

My partner has been battling addiction for the past 10 months and i love him with all my heart and want to see us both get through this and have our dreams realised. I don't know though, it just seems so far away

Today is Saturday, Janurary 10th, 2009 and it is now 3:02 PM here in the Philippines.

Music wise? Today it is an all 80s block, although nice variation in genres. First up, a band called "Giant." the had a couple of albums but only one charting single, "I'll See You In My Dreams," which is one of those great "Power-Ballads" that was so common the mid to late 80s, espeically with "Hair Bands," although Giant was by no means a hair band. Sadly, this song got overlooked by most even though it did manage to get on the Billboard 100:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iug0X6cJDDM

Next up, a new age artist who really did not fit that whole "New Wave" mold. He certainly had nothing in common with the likes of Devo or Camera Club: Nick Kershaw, great guitarist to boot. He had one hit, fantstic song, "Wouldn't It Be Nice?" and this video was from "Top of the Pops," a UK show old music show:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSxKngEsHDg



Books? "Napolean's Buttons: 17 Molecules That changed History" by Penny Le Couteur and Jay Burreson. Non-Fiction obviously, and uses great examples to show the reader just how simple chemistry matters have changed life for almost everyone on the planet.

The title refers to the chemical composition of the buttons on the French uniforms under Napolean Bonaparte as he invaded Russia during Russian portion of the so called "Napoleanic Wars," although the Russians' tend to call it "The First Patriotic War." Russians have a tendency to call invasions "Patriotic Wars."

He initially had 600,000 men in his army, but by the time he reached the Beresina River in Borisov he had a mere 8,000 and change. Most had died from the cold, as well as hunger. In any event, the cold was so brutal because of their lack of protection.

The buttons on their uniforms were made of tin, and eventually those buttoms succumbed to what was and is know as "Tin Disease," which is actually just a chemical reaction due to fluctuations in tempretaure.

The book also talks about some psychoactives, etc. and is really interesting on a few levels and anyone with an interest in basic chemistry will probablly enjoy the tome.

The second book is one I have read once before, " E=MC2: A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation" by David Bodanis. As the title suggests, it discusses Einstein's famed "Theory of Relativity."

I have family in the media (you know after all, what they say about Jews and the media, right? Hahahah), and as a result I often get their cast offs. They get tons of free books and preview copies, meaning I get them almost always prior to publication which is of course fantastic.

So, this book came bundled in a set of 2, the other book a second work, "Einstein In Love" by Dennis Overbye. I will spare you, loyal reader, a soul stirring synopsis because I know that If I were to do so you would probablly become so inflamed, your heart absolutely a flutter that you will then become unable to digest the rest of my thrilling posts.

The title of today's entry is a tongue in cheek salute to the most often phrase used for "Bathroom" here in the Philippines, "Comfort Room." Interesting how words develop and change. It sounds like some kind of "hospitality centre," right?

Translation into English is also an ironic aspect. Japanese used to call sex slaves "Comfort Women." Indeed we have an elderly aunt who was used and abused here during the Japanese occupation of this island during WWII.

To meander a bit, during the war, the Japanese used to draft women into bordellos of varying classifications, some only to be used for pleasure of officers, etc.

Virginity is an extremely sensitive issue in this country, with most non-virgins finding it impossible to have normal lives although today that is certainly changing rather rapidly as a result of more and more globalisation thanks to the likes of America and its bland "McDonald's" culture.

Entire villages were bereft of their women because of this despicable pratice, and it actually effected some of the more northerly islands even more than it did us. Plenty of other atrocities as well but then many already know about this and my getting into it would REALLY send this thread into another one of those tailspins (like the kinds engendered by my giving sheaves of historical info. and context).

2 other very amazing issues "sort of" connected to the generals scope of Japenese on this island during WWII:

Here on Mindanao we have a handful of Japanese WWII soldiers who never left! They married local women, after the war (it was illegal by Japanese Law to marry inferior races, yes, just like Nazis they too were through and through racists, many still are but THAT is yet another "meandering "issue).

In the rather rapid withdrawal/retreat from Mindanao some managed to stay behind, others were inadvertantly left behind - or otherwise intentionally left here to carry on as rear harriers (guerillas whose Objective was to hamper Allied efforts at pursuit as well as consolidation of both the island as well as other nearby isles).

This is the only place that I have ever heard of where ex brutal occupational personel have married AND STAYED WITH THE LOCAL SOCIETY without some kind of major ideological shift, etc. Imagine for example Nazi or even Wehrmacht soldiers in Poland who married local Polish women and who were not then recipients of revenge by one or another relative or even victims themselves!

The second issue is the Japanese who purposefully OR inadvertantly remained separated and behind from the larger Japense force and who ended up living in the jungles for 30 or 40 years trying to kill people because of a mistaken belief that the war had never ended! We had a couple found here as recently as 1992!

In fact, and this is truly amazing, in the summer of 2007 the Japense Govt. sent a team here, to the mountains north of Gen San (General Santos City which is on the extreme southern tip of the island) and tried to locate 2 such men! Imagine almost 50 years in the deep bush, in tattered unifroms, or even naked!

Some have been found near here, but apart from our island they have been found on Borneo, other Indonesian and Malaysian islands, as well as some more southerly Pacific islands. Whatever else they were, the Japanese were very good and ambitious soldiers in WWII.

I would have thought though, that between illegal loggers, communist AND Islamist guerillas, that any such men in the bush would have come to light long ago. We are home, on this island, to the world's single longest civil war as well as the world's longest lasting communist insurgency AS WELL AS the world's longest lasting Islamist insurgency! the groups themselves are often centered in our mostly unexplored jungles here.

Of the 18 million people on Mindnao almost all live on the coasts, and a tad but along the National Hiway which is the only real atrery on the island. It is a very large island, but largely unexplored and uncharted.

Because of logging and mining there are bush tracks, but they only run a few kilometers here, a few there, and almost none are mapped.

Until about 8 years ago in fact National Hiway was rarely even paved for more than 2 or 3 kilometers and even then merely in the most populated of spots. Now it is paved all the way through and still travel is NEVER congested on what is almost always one lane (except in Davao CIty when it is a 2 lane road).

In those old days (8 years is "old days" hahaha) one either took a pump steamer, or rarely a gas engined boat up the main rivers OR alterantively a raft which was poled down the river , or small outriggers which were and are still primarily ocean going craft. The rafts, flat bottomed jobs were usually manned by Lumad (animist Tribals) and very rarely a Bisaya or Muslim villagers

The Hiway though is also a curse, even if it allows travel during Monsoon whereas before we were stuck in our villages for 4 months out of the year by impassable dirt tracks...



I will contunue later..

pretty much the first practice mix i did /w traktor where I recorded stuff.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/t1qw2s

Hi hi hi,
Well I have managed to stay off meth this week, been seven days since I last touched it.
Has not been easy but its goddamn worth it thats all I can say.
I am possibly the grumpiest bitch in the whole world right now, touchy as fuck, barely moved from my pig-sty of a house.
Feels good not to rely on shit to live anymore.
I'm still hopelessly wishing I could live the life I've lead over the past six & a half yrs, but I've come to terms with that I don't even have a decision, do or die.
The physical symptoms of w.d have lessened to an extent, mental still a pain in the azzzz.
Never thought I could abstain for this amount of time, and hell I've done it, and I'm pretty damn proud in my own little way.
Not there yet. The temptation still bites at my ankles. Even in my shit days (pretty much constant past 2 or so weeks) I feel better than before, better than a chemical, fake happiness.

I made a list of reasons why I want to quit & stuck it on my fridge to remind me WHY I want to quit. For anyone trying to get off a drug addiction, I highly advise this.

These are *some* of them;
1. To be healthy. If I kept using the way I was..I was leading myself to a certain death within the next few years. No thanks.

2. Save all that money so I can live my life comfortably. Travel the world. Shoe shopping here I come

3. To patch things up with my mother/extended family. To say the least, my mother is highly displeased with me and prefers I keep my distance. This hurts like hell, I want her to say she is proud of me. I want my relatives to no longer think of me as a "junkie failure".

4. Make my father proud up there in the heavens. It was this reason why he fell apart, & I want to amend things. Although it tears me apart that he can't be here to comfort me and help me, this is the least I can do for my dad.

5. Prove that I can to myself! I always doubt myself. Meth made me the person I wanted to be. Confident & Happy. I want to be that person sober. I turned to meth to help with my self-consciousness, it helped temporarily but it ruined me.

7. BE HAPPY IN KNOWING I'M DOING THE BEST FOR MYSELF. Although I want to make my mother proud, I need to do this for myself and nobody else.


To anyone who reads this & is battling addiction, doubting themselves. I did to, I denied to myself I even had a problem for 5 years. You can do it
We don't need drugs. Nobody does.
Recreational use is fine but keep it to that, drug addiction spirals out of control faster than you can say 'how the fuck did I end up here'.
Respect drugs, don't mess around with em.
You do the drugs, the drugs don't do you.

Stay safe, happy and healthy ya'll

i signed up for a trial kick boxing class. i have always been intrigued by the idea of kick boxing, but i am horribly uncoordinated and nervous about whether or not i can keep up.

i also have a silly fear that everyone will be in super good shape and look way better than me and laugh. but i think i need to get over that fear if i am ever going to get in better shape.

Ever feel all alone even though your clearly loved by the best?

I yearn for obsession and submission
I think to myself, as the window's sunburned heat
pours onto my face.
I place you, perched up high on my mantle piece.
And you remain there, to simply be perfection.
My fingers dance along the side of your face,
journeying off to the texture of your hair,
and I can only be so much...

Feels good. I can see a hint of the old me somewhere in this heart and head of mine.

Just gotta keep it goin'.

-------------------------------
I wanted to play with the trackback function so below is a link to one of my favorite blogs by lacey_k

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/blog.php?b=88

I am consistently
placing my bones
to match the everlasting
stretching of my skin.
I am spread out
amidst this map of travels.
Aging as I push forward,
I have lost the point
of where I began and where
I should be going.
I am old from multiple attempts
of finding self-righteousness.
This is plain, sick, and possible maddening.
God, God, God, oh God.
Am I as old as you?

i tend to want drink till i get to a point where i stop thinking about things. one of the things i want to stop thinking about is how much i drink

new member-learing about bluelight
enjoied the pain releive of teva 40er looking for something like it any hope? op30

ACT I

Shroomz was a new and wondrous thing to me, and having never tried a tryptamin family drug i thought it would be amazing, i stopped off to grab XTC from a friend but he was out of stock, so he gave me 10g of shroomz for 10 bucks, good deal.

me and my girlfriend wanted a place to ourselves so we found a really cheap motel with bright colored walls and access to the net and a tv. there were no noise limitations in the area we were in and all seemed great. i chewed 5g and so did she.

ACT II - Onset

the onset was great, we had some conversation and were laughing at drunks in a different room, life had been great to me so far and surely this was an experience again i would soon not forget.

the mush slowly started to take effect. i distinctly remembered laughing about the big pine trees across the parking lot looking alot like pot plants. and staring at my girlfriend and then shutting my eyes and seeing outlines of her face.

but then it happened...

ACT III - INSANE?

the drunks in the other rooms were getting louder, and my girlfriend wished to see what was up. fearing they were in the hall. i made her sit on the bed.. i tried talking to get my mind off things, but i started to talk to much.. not wanting my girlfriend to hear the other people in the motel.... i started spewing out theories of life and philosophical moments, and i must have been terribly loud. so my girlfriend after repeatedly telling me i needed to be quiter or stop talking.. went to the bathroom.. i panicked thinking she had left the room.... and then blankness.

ACT IV - SANE AGAIN

upon waking 9 hours later, there was blood/puke all across the carpet. i had lost bowel functions and had to wash my only pants and underwear brought in a shower. i only could remember snippets. not knowing if my life was real, or how i came to be. wondering who, if i really existed, created me. thinking the only way to end the pain was to find a hospital. i turned and looked at my girlfriend, she gave me a hug (as i lay there in soiled pants), she had been crying i could tell. she boar a bruise above her right eye, and a odd round cut that had gone bright purple on her wrist.. as i noticed the round cut was oddly shaped like teeth marks, i felt a pounding in my head. so moving to the mirror i noticed i to had a bump like her.. but i had two others in addition. i showered and washed the clothes trying to figure out wear i was... and slowly bits and pieces came back.

ACT V - Recollection

i had started screaming about a pain in my stomach at one point, and i hurled myself off the bed and vomited blood and puke over the carpet. passing out for 20 minutes i groggily had gotten up (still in excessive pain) and tried to kill myself by smashing my head off a window ac unit corner, then a wall twice. my girlfriend screamed unknowing what to do.. she convinced me somehow to go on the bed.... i didnt want to go so i bit her arm holding me.. not knowing what i was doing i would have bit through her arm had she not punched me. i decked her back. and collapsed. she rolled me into a recovery position and waited out the night on the phone with her friend.




thats it. thats the end. there was no happy ending. shroomz fucked me up. i had flashbacks for days, was unsure if i was sane or not for a week. she's still with me.. she knows i would NEVER strike a woman, and it had only been a bad trip. but our relationship took months to heal. now i will never try everything as i once wanted, for i fear going near acid. and shroomz will always be a never.

shat all over the outside of his pants and didn't go home but tracked poo all over the place(yea this really did happen)