There have been a lot. I have harmed myself greatly and I accept this fact. More repercussions from the self-hating, self-punishing acts from my past are still to come and I'll deal with them as they arise. At least I'm learning but some lessons can be hard.
I remember when I called off my engagement about 7 or 8 years ago. She told me "You're going to live a lonely life." I forget the conversation that prompted this but I remember that sentence.
Truth be told, I am lonely. I always thought I was the kind of guy that could handle or even prefer not having people in my life.
The needle made me realize how alone I was. I remember craving some sort of human physical contact and went to an NA meeting. Can you believe that I didn't even get a hug at that fucker?
People tend to like me. For some reason, folks are drawn to me. Why? I don't really know. I still keep myself distanced from most regardless of the need for a friend.
Right now, I'm hurting real fucking bad and just want to talk to someone.
I haven't taken my anti-depressants in 2 weeks. I went cold turkey (which isn't advisable) and don't plan on taking them until I can figure shit (emotionally/mentally) out in a unaltered state of mind.
Survival of the fittest is natural law. Should I have survived this long? I think that medicine tricked nature and allowed a weak, emotional and mentally unstable individual through the cracks.
I've been obsessing of suicide but it just depresses me more. I can't take myself out while my dog is still alive. It would confuse him too much. I can't do drugs to numb myself. I think this damage I've caused is irrepairable.
I remember when I called off my engagement about 7 or 8 years ago. She told me "You're going to live a lonely life." I forget the conversation that prompted this but I remember that sentence.
Truth be told, I am lonely. I always thought I was the kind of guy that could handle or even prefer not having people in my life.
The needle made me realize how alone I was. I remember craving some sort of human physical contact and went to an NA meeting. Can you believe that I didn't even get a hug at that fucker?
People tend to like me. For some reason, folks are drawn to me. Why? I don't really know. I still keep myself distanced from most regardless of the need for a friend.
Right now, I'm hurting real fucking bad and just want to talk to someone.
I haven't taken my anti-depressants in 2 weeks. I went cold turkey (which isn't advisable) and don't plan on taking them until I can figure shit (emotionally/mentally) out in a unaltered state of mind.
Survival of the fittest is natural law. Should I have survived this long? I think that medicine tricked nature and allowed a weak, emotional and mentally unstable individual through the cracks.
I've been obsessing of suicide but it just depresses me more. I can't take myself out while my dog is still alive. It would confuse him too much. I can't do drugs to numb myself. I think this damage I've caused is irrepairable.
