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Happy B-day Dave!
Woooooohooooooooo!!!!!!

Hope you have delicious German Chocolate Cake!

o hai

The other day was kind of awkward. The day before I got busted with some old rigs and my grandpa was pissed because it was my little brother who found them, not to mention he started getting suspicious that I was using again...which sadly wasn't all too far from the truth. Funny thing though, he told me he wouldn’t have cared if it was a bag of weed yet he took my small marijuana pipe that was in the same hiding place instead of my needles. What the hell? You’d think he would take the syringes.

Then today ugh, I woke up sick. Thought about taking some Suboxone but I made exactly enough to get a half so I went and picked up. While we were copping I noticed the driver my connection was riding with was this guy Nam that I sold a sub to awhile back. We started talking and to be quite honest he was pretty chill, more then I was expecting. Also in the car with me was this girl named Audi, we didn’t realize it right away but me and her had met previously and had even done dope together before. After putting the pieces of the puzzle together we remembered each other and she invited me over her place to get well but it took us three hours before we even got our dope. Once we were done fixing she then offered to smoke a bowl of chronic with me.

I left about eight and came back home and crashed out for the rest of the night.

Gggg

Below is a short list of Theme ideas-

Place your vote now (as a comment here) and I will tally 'em up in 3 days time and reveal your September Theme!

* Colo(u)r
* Travel
* Happiness
* Life
* Survival
* Pets
* Family


Yes, The September Theme will start a tad bit late, but we will survive.

today, I got the wonderful task of putting a 17 year old girl in a bodi bag, after she jumped in front of a subway. I had to do it because law says soldiers must aid police in lawful acts if requested, and the cops where too squeemish.

reading her suicide note made me cry, and I still am.

fuck the world.

Good eve bl,..

Check out this video of the show I was at last night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOG4OzRyyeo

My friend Em and I (em is a guy btw), we found a funny hotel that was a Castle --- Marne





Yea wasnt kidding... Seriously.

We both share the whole spouse issues----
and got a room with a hot tub.


6 grey goose and tonics, 2 joints, 3 bowls later ---we hot tubbed, and passed out in our pillow like bed.
Totally innocent so you know.

Em and i have been buddies for like 4 years or something.
--------------


today i smoked and watched the National Geographic special on the Gospel of Judas, and Decoding Maya Kings via Surf the channel... was so stoned passed out at seven

and I wake to still yet an empty house.

Things havent been so good with m and i as of recent.

I'd fondly say to friends we work amazingly well together and fight well together too.

I could choose to just let it all roll off my back and say its OK,, but it isnt.

Addictive, cyclical,

circle of a pattern in your emotions and behavior

is not OK. It is not OK...

A mirror of compulsive illusion is not real!

After 6 years of asking nicely-

-- I am not marrying someone who isnt attempting to resolve

deep seeded emotional traumas.

I have been asked a dozen times to do mescaline this summer--- how could I be expected to say yes! ???

There was a time, that my intuition and strong insight was respected and weighted...

now i feel discarded because it doesn't align with his ideals at this time.

not sure what to say about this little morningglory vine- but it aint doin so well.
===========

Ironic the thing that bothers me the most about the situation I am allowing engulf me.

Mind you,
I am the kind of person that wont smoke a J after midnight cuz of mental hangover the next day at work. Trust me when I am ---it is devastating to me, I am devastated.

So ignored and that I have told myself "he is so brilliant he will figured it out eventually" ...

Eventually is now, and now I am pissed--- I feel robbed in some ways of my humility.

some fucking thief stole my heart and some treasure along with it.

1) snorting so much Xanax 1mg pills. i remember going to my Grandma's in the Southern Tier and it was summer and I kept sniffing in like I had a terrible cold. My nasal passages seem to have recovered somewhat from that time, but still it runs easily when I expose myself to cold---quicker than it did before.

2) Smoking gel fentanyl off of tin foil. I took a bunch of hits of this harsh shit. Something about that plastic hazardous taste just made me believe it was horrible for my lungs.

3) Injecting a HEATED Dilaudid pill. The small amount of powder dissolved readily into the small 0.3mL of water, but I still heated it up to "kill any bacteria". I didn't know how stupid this really was. The liquid turned more viscous --- not quite a jelly, but still...

September's Theme is Survival!!!



Lets hear your tales!

UPDATE: four moar foar yaRZ

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i just recently discovered this band Black Moth Super Rainbow and was watching the sun lips video. at first didnt quite get the video but at the vary end i almost cried those men in the video are heroes not many people give proper respect to animals. and ive always felt bad everytime i see roadkill. if you like strange music look it up.

a rule of thumb for acid at least for me dont try to think too hard its bad. also just wanted to show off first tattoo cant wait to get more such a fun feeling.

i remembered something my old neighbor told me once. in that single statement i realized more than i ever did reading an entire book or hearing many lectures. i was mowing my lawn at my old house on a hot summer day took a short break and saw my neighbor signaling to me, so i ran over to his house and we stood by the shed smokin a joint when he says to me "you know funny thing ive been cuttin the grass for over 40 years and its still growin" it was insignificant at the time but now that statement is like a beutifully written poem to which i could only one day hope to equal. it brings into perspective my own mortality but also a strange sense of the future. like far after im gone there will still be grass to mow, people will still have issues and the earth will continue to spin.

i woke up and walked outside today delighted to notice it was cooler today and the scent of bonfires and autumn filled the air. im so glad fall is here there is something almost magic about that smell and the feeling it inspires in me. it whisks me away from everything all troubles and cares fall to the wayside and im filled with an indescribable feeling of joy i wish it were like this always.

so my best friend is gone. she was gonna call 911 on me because she was scared of me.

she doesnt get it. my job is to protect canadians, not gun them down in a hail of 10mm auto fire.

so yeah, i cant even speak to her.

fml

“FUCCCCCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” was all I could think. They had just cleaned me out of my entire stash that took weeks to acquire! A drug collector, a drug addict, a drug aficionado, a connoisseur of fine substances….yes I am all of these things. But I’m not a fucking drug dealer!!! These thoughts flew through my head in a split second while I collected myself. I was so shocked, so frustrated and completely at a loss for words. The only words that could come to mind was the smartest thing I have EVER told a police officer. I was still riding the acting vibe. My palms facing the officers, a look of curiosity on my face, my shoulders raised in a “huh” fashion. I calmly respond: “I don’t know” with all the honesty in my heart. I literally pretended I had no clue what it was, it must be my ex girlfriends I thought in my head. I tried my hardest to not even pay attention to it, the police look for signs of stress so I tried my hardest to pretend that the jar didn’t matter a bit to me. After giving me his card and telling me to call him tomorrow the officers left.

Bewildered, confused, pissed off. Words cannot explain how I felt in that moment. At that time in my life drugs were my entire existence. I had just lost my entire world. But miraculously somehow didn’t get go to jail. I stumble back upstairs for a cigarette and out of curiosity I walk into the bathroom and check under the sink. And at that moment the Gods smiled on me. Staring back at me were two full jars of beautiful sunset yellow DMT crystals. Out of everything they took, they left 7 grams of DMT. It was in a hand blown glass jar, what else goes in hand blown glass jars? How stupid are these drug task force detectives?!?!?!!!

To this day I still believe the DMT spirits were on my side. They were probably stoked that because of my ingenuity and determination, I helped turn on several dozen college students to the world of DMT. People who may have never had the chance to do DMT had the chance to slip into another dimension because of my work. And I either gave it away or sold it at a price to cover my costs and no more. My work might have even sparked some others to extract their own DMT which in turn would have turned on even more people. Because of this I believe the DMT spirits smiled on me that day.

(part 2 “Get ready to snitch boy” coming later)…time for a cig. I know it’s a long read, but I had to share it. Fucking 7 grams of DMT…they took everything else but left 7 GRAMS. It still makes me happy even though the deemz were smoked months ago. I can’t believe it, it’s the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever experienced and really made me question my agnosticism.

The days that followed the bust were hell. I wan anxiety ridden and believed everywhere I went I was being followed and rightfully so. I noticed the amount of police and sheriff cars that drove past the apartment complex increased quite a bit. It became the usual to see them drive by real slow or stop in front of building, sit there for a minute and drive away. Something they never did before. I figured it was only a matter of time before the detectives read my DMT journal and realized what I was up to. I believed it was only a matter of time before they tested the DMT laced cannabis, only a matter of time before they made the connection with the hundreds of empty gel caps and digital scale. I was royally fucked. I was assuming multiple years in prison. Not jail. Prison. This is where snitching almost seemed like a good idea but there were some major hang ups. All I could think about was the terror these officers put me through and the possibility that I could do that to someone else at my choosing. It felt awful. I couldn’t do that to someone. I couldn’t do it to someone I hated. All I could think about was destroying someone’s life at my discretion, it felt SO wrong. I hated what “john” did to me and I couldn’t do it to someone else. At the same time I potentially had some major charges facing me.

The detective called me the next day and asked me to make a buy from one of my dealers. Which really had me twisted, this was a small town and the ‘dealers’ were small time guys who just did favors for each other. There were no nefarious, criminal minded ‘dope peddlers’ hiding in the shadows, just other college students who helped each other out on occasion. On top of that I had just moved to this small college town a year earlier and all my ‘dealers’ were also close friends. As a matter of fact they were my only friends. I told the officer I was working on making a buy.

This continued for several days, each day coincidentally I either had work or class or my ‘dealers’ were out or had to work. And the way the officers wanted me to snitch was fucked up. They wanted the buys to happen in public, 2 times. Well everyone I dealt with sold either in their home or mine. So it’s pretty fishy to suddenly change the way you buy or sell, or demand the dealer change their MO. I told the cops my dealers were small time and busting them wouldn’t get them anywhere, I said I’d go to the bars and look for dealers there. I never went to the bars looking to buy, this was a total ploy on my part to buy time and it worked. The detective called less often and less often. The last time they called me I told them I was clean and I’m not using anymore but eventually someone would call me looking to sell and I’d inform them when this happened.

Around this time I got a lawyer. The day of the bust I went to lawyer and he was worthless. The wrinkled old douche bag told me that I either snitch or have a felony on my record forever. About a month later I had enough money for a retainer and I found a great lawyer. The second lawyer I talked to specialized in drug cases and told me I could either snitch or plead down to misdemeanors. Now I no longer talk to the detectives, my lawyer called them and told them where I stand. The detectives never called my lawyer back. Luckily (luckily is an understatement) the search on my apartment was illegal, they wouldn’t let me call a lawyer and the drug I was selling was hardly recreational and I sold it under the pretense that it was only to help people with withdrawal. Not that the police care why you sold it, but it would look better to a jury/judge than selling another drug that had no legit (or semi-legit) purpose. After I lawyer-ed up the detectives never called me or my lawyer. It’s been over 6 months since this incident, my lawyer said if they didn’t do anything by fall or winter chances are they wouldn’t do anything.

I ended up with some serious luck (or help from the DMT spirits). I learned that I was the first person snitched on by “john”. I was basically used as a tester so that the cops could learn to trust this informant. I also happened to get busted while the drug task force was switching their ranks; one of the detectives was the old head of the department and the other was the new head. Apparently I was a learning bust for the new detective too. On top of that I believe the economic situation made busting me and going through a long drawn out trial for misdemeanors wouldn’t make sense to an already over stressed court system. And this drug task force covered about 1/5 of the state, obviously I wasn’t a very high priority. If they had a search warrant it would have been a completely different story.

Looks like I'll be going back to school in January. I'm super excited to get my life back on track!

Hey Everyone,

So, another month gone, and time again to choose a theme. Keeping with the same procedure as before (open to suggestions of any sort by the way, just PM ocean or myself) we'll open the floor to suggestions for new topics for a couple of days before voting.

So far the list is:

• Colo(u)r
• Travel
• Happiness
• Life
• Survival

Any other suggested topics mentioned will be added to the list, within reason of course.

Thanks!

Edit-- Forgot to say: voting will begin on Sunday.

what is the word for that feeling when you stare into the setting sun and are reminded of the simpler days, friends you've lost and good times long since past. whatever the word is it hurts deeper than any physical pain. still its beutiful just like a peice of art and it makes me wonder if anyone is watching recording these events. not because i regret but its because this is far too amazing to miss and when the sun burns out i really want something to at least learn from us whether its god or an alien species something can be learned by all this.

some pixxors from the full moon party we had down at the beaches in glyfada iirc

Wow, so after getting paid today, I had $180 which of course I have to spend on some party favors for myself...nothing wrong with that. I had already been smoking pot for the past week and still had some left so I figured that could wait. Smack, yeah I'll get some even though I got to wait a little while till the suboxone wares off. But remember, this is the most money I have had in months and I wanted to get something that I don't get to do all that often. Strangely I had my mind set on Amphetamines even though I never cared much for the high, it was a rush but the feeling of tweaking wasn't exactly my favorite. Not to mention I felt guilty, I don't know how to explain it but heroin...yeah I've had this problem around a year now but I need to work on getting clean so I shouldn't even let myself do other drugs during the process because I could develop another addiction. Making my addiction harder to kick. Wouldn't you agree?

I went downtown and grabbed some rigs before calling homie. When I talked to him he wasn't far away and had just called which meant I could make it to him in time and wouldn't have to wait till later. When I met up with him he was only able to get two things, Black and White. I ordered one white and one black, my heart pounded waiting for him to return to my car. I hadn't done blow for so long, I had never injected it either so it was going to be a first. Thirty minutes passed. He finally came to my car and I drove him and his friend a few blocks down to an apartment.

I was so excited that I couldn't even wait after I dropped them off. Right away I went into a nearby parking lot I knew was safe...besides I had a few hours to kill before getting my cousin from work. I got my shot ready and slammed it. I was so used to the instant gratification of H that when i did the shot I thought "what the fuck" I didn't feel a thing then a few seconds later I felt my mouth go numb and tasted the bitter drug I had just injected. My body went into a complete high, I felt so good...this was the best feeling ever.

After I enjoyed the rush I started thinking of who i could hang out with downtown so I'm close to my cousin when she gets off work and I don't waste gas. I called up an old friend Baby Blue and Minor, I invited them to come smoke some pot and Minor said she would. When I went to get her I also ran into Ashley so I had to invite her along. We went to a section 8 housing community parking lot that I had smoked in many times before. After blazing and catching up I met up with Alyssa who was only a few blocks away. We went to a bar and had some drinks then left. When I went to pick up my cousin I fucking hit another car but was lucky there was no damage to either car. My cousin invited me to go hang out with them and some other friends and I figured why not. We drove around to a park and smoked a blunt...then drove around some more. It got boring real quick so we decided to all go home where I finished what was left of my white from tonight.

Now I just did some junk and am trying to think of what to do for the rest of the night. Not all that tired.

so i love this forum its the closest thing ive ever found to people that actually relate to me, emotionally and mentally. seriously i had seriously lost hope im humanity i was so angry that everyone around me was dumb as all hell. not trying to offend but i needed mental stimulation. i know i am not vary smart but im learning its just without people who know more than me i dont feel motivated to better my mind. just wanted to say i love this site because its a culmination of mostly open minded people willing to give and take advice. still a couple morons but significantly lower ratio.