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"Back to the frontline, resurrected this old skool shit
'Cause niggas still respect it, it's all cool shit
Kinda tight so I select it to flow on
So unexpected and so on, but damn that
I wanna take a minute tram back with the mainstream
Playing field where the main team kill bodies
And wannabe John Gottis shoulda been Zulu
But who knew but too few in my crew
And the rest didn't listen now some of the best is missing
Some of the rest is dissing, some of your chest is missing
Some of your views is changing, but none of your time remaining
It's a goddamn shame a lot of fake niggas claim heaven sent
But me, I'm hell bent on destruction of the mass constructions
Of the mass destruction, of my ass restructuring
Of the past reflecting off the last injection
This cause and effect is known as infection
Made it known being prone to our own demise is imminent
I sure hope we leave a remnant..."
[Big Rube]

Remember back when you were younger and heard that coke-a-cola used to have a small amount of cocaine in it? I myself never got a hold of one of these beverages that have the byproduct of the drug in it but I guess there recently was a beverage that had small amounts of the drug mixed in.

Introduced in 2008, red bull cola was tested by The Health Institute in North Rhine-Westphalia in Germany when this discovery was made and shortly after was banned in five other German states in fear the drink would violate narcotics laws. The Federal Institute for Risk Assessment said that the amount in the cola was too low to pose any real threat but we are still waiting for a more detailed report to be released.

Red bull says the drink is "harmless and marketable in both the U.S. and Europe." which if you consider the facts. It would take 12,000 liters before you feel any cocaine like effects and it's impossible to consume that much cola fast enough.

Sources:
1. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/26/earlyshow/health/main5038914.shtml
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Bull_Cola
3. http://www.bfr.bund.de/cd/template/index_en

I don't ever want to forget what I was.

I do the 12 Step thing and many folks with a lot of clean time seem to have forgotten who they were and what it was like.

They display an attitude of 'indifference or intolerance' to those who are new, those that are just looking for a day clean and another chance at life.

They are afraid to get dirty, they fear the new person because the new guy/girl is unpredictable, a potential threat. If the new person is a threat then that tells me that the person with time has grown soft. They lack faith in themselves to reach a hand out compassionately.

The following pics are of my arms and hands from shooting coke and heroin. This is the type of thing I need to remember (looks like they need to be resized - I'll take care of that tomorrow):

Apparently 2 of my meth dealers died in the weeks leading up to Christmas. One died of a heroin overdose, leaving behind a couple of little kids, and the other died trying to run from the cops - he crashed his motorcycle and was pronounced dead on arrival. Feeling pretty crap over it all, not only because it's put a huge dent on my supply, but because 2 lives have been needlessly wasted... they were only in their 30's.

this is to all my friends, whom I'll name the best ob a first name basis only
-albert, thanks for always having my back and giving me good advice, be it in battle or home life. I love you bro. I've got your back too, and ain't no one gonna get you til I'm tattered flesh on the ground. I might have a rank on you, but your an equal to me AFAI am concerned.

-My Major/Officer commanding- Man, you've ALWAYS stood up for me, even when I fucked up and was facing serious trouble. You embody the ideals of command. Look after your men, even if your strict, and for being in your 50's, leading from the front is fucking impressive. Your also raised a wonderful , smart, and independent daughter. Sir, I would follow YOU though the gates hell, because I know you'd lead in, defeat Satan him self, and lead us out. thank you Sir, you''v been a great inspiration in my life, and I will NEVER forget your kindness and compassion, not your fury, when its needed. You may be my sub-unit Officer commanding, but you've been more a friend then a boss. your orders don't need to enforced, because
i know you will do the right thing, always. *salute*

..... Anastasia, my beautiful Ex...though i don't see you often, both conversations with you, and your visit this holiday season have been always fun and cheerful. you can take from my lowest, and bring me to best, and your sensuality and open but genuine affection is so nice...your not afraid to have close human contact, feeling your soft arms on me and breath on my neck is break from hell, and a journey to heaven...there is too much to say really. so i'll leave it with a

mariposa- thanks for being there on the tele, your conversations are always uplifting and bring out the emotion in me, instead of my just dead pan Sergeant and /b/tard asshole features. thanks for putting up with me. a little for you too, cause you have a place somewhere in me thats not my mesolimib system.

anyone I missed, sorry, i'm kinda whacked, but anyone in my close circle, I love guys/gals and would prefer to die before seeing you hurt, and your all welcome to phone me, 24/7...if i'm around, i WILL answer, if you leave message, i'll return it ASAP.

because YOU, my friends, have been the most important things in my life.g

and all of you, you've got this watching your 6.


excjse the quality, webcams lperate with both visible light and IR...and my camo is IR disrupting

So, I had dinner tonight with my folks, my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew. It wasn't a 'feel good' evening.

I couldn't afford to get my niece and nephew anything shiny and expensive this year. All I could do was get them each a puzzle from the dollar store and I made a little booklet with self-made games, jokes and silly pictures. I was hoping that they would kinda like it but I could see the disappointment and disinterest in their faces. It hurt a little.

Sorry I can't buy you things. Cool Uncle OverDone ain't so cool anymore. I was their favorite uncle but my brother told them that I had a drug problem a few months ago so now... I don't know.

My sister-in-law (and my brother to a lesser extent) look at me in this strange, curious manner. I really feel like I'm being judged and am perceived as a failure in their eyes. I went to rehab, have no job and apparently a bad role model for their kids.

The thing is... I truly feel that I do things for others on a regular basis. I feel I do a lot in an unselfish manner. But who am I? My opinion of my actions is biased.

Ya see, they see a failure and a drug addict. I see a dude who is trying real fucking hard to change. I see a dude who cares about that dude sleepin' on the streets, that person who hasn't eaten, that person who needs a fuckin' shirt. I do what I can for people even when I don't want to.

They don't see me trying to help. They just see a jobless piece of shit who is a drain on the family resources.

I'm not tryin' to pat myself on the back (most days I feel I don't do enough for others) but I NEED to keep shit in some sort of perspective.

They simply just... don't... know. Or maybe its me that doesn't get it.

I guess no one knows

I'm sitting here on the sofa watching my dog sniff through a plastic bag with non-food items in it. He was told and shown that there was nothing edible in it but, the junky in him doesn't believe the cold hard facts and still digs his nose in there looking for 'just one'.

His behavior reminds me of how I was when I was in Colorado and my connect was living with me. Dude got busted one night at a bar for possession. I had bought some powder from him earlier that day and I had just run out when I got the call that he was in jail. So... what did I do? I went into his stash and pulled out a nice rock (just one, mind you). Well, that didn't last long so I went to get 'just one more'. A day and a half later I had done the entire bag (just a tad under an ounce).

This was another beginning to the end. Since he was in jail and I had already done his stash, I needed more. I proceeded to methodically go through his things (being careful to insure it looked like nothing had been disturbed). I found a gram in a pocket of his suitcase. It was rather crispy and he probably misplaced it a long time ago. I was EXTREMELY happy until that bag quickly ran out.

Next, I went through his medications. He had a double lung transplant 2 years prior and had TONS of medication. I never heard of half the stuff since I was never into pills but, thanks to Pill Identifiers online I was able to find some goodies to keep me pleasant.

Just one, right? One more never hurt nobody, right?

Its funny, my dog and I have a lot in common. I try not to dope fiend anymore. I put the drugs and alcohol down awhile ago but sometimes that same type of behavior creeps into my life and I gotta be aware of it.

I don't have to live like a fiend anymore and it feels good.

Christmas ended on a better note then it started on, that's for sure. Yesterday before I could even wake up my day already had went to shit. This is because my mother's husband walked into my room and saw on the floor some paraphernalia and my medication (suboxone) that I take when needed to manage my cravings. Well...my family has thought I was completely off suboxone for months now, which was true. But I recently started taking it again because I found myself craving and it was the only thing that would make them go away. My family freaked out because they don't look at it as me "getting better" but rather "replacing one drug with another" which is true but they need understand I am not / can't get high off this medication even if I wanted to and if that is what I need to do occasionally to make it through the day then so be it, at least I'm sober.

Anyway, after getting caught with that he also thought I was using again and blah, blah, blah. Even made my mom start crying and shit, just making my life hell like he knows how to be. When we were opening presents there was such tension in the air, the whole night was like that. It sucked really. Once everyone left I thought for sure there was going to be some lecture and I would be threatened again to be kicked out. I watched District 9 with my cousin downstairs to avoid my grandparents for awhile and not sure if it worked but to my surprise...they didn't end up talking to me. Not sure if it's because everyone is just keeping quite or if they are just waiting for the "right time".

After the movie I just went to my room and listened to some Red Bar Radio, DJ mix sets, and just smoked to relax. Adrian had been texting me throughout the day too and wanted to hang out which I was down for, I never really get to hang out with my friends much more anyway so I could use the company.

Once again though my family always gives me shit about whenever I want to go hang out with friends. They act as if I am lying to them and going to get all fucked up or something. Which I've never ever got in trouble when I was out with friends, believe it or not I am responsible, and they just refuse to see that. So what ended up happening was I went to "have a cig" outside and Adrian came around the block to meet me and we talked for 20min then later decided that after the family had fallen asleep I would come back out and kick with him for awhile.

We kicked till about 3am then I went home because I had to be to work by 9am the next morning. Had the hardest fucking time falling asleep then when I got up this morning I was lucky and got up with 15min to spare before I was going to be late which I still ended up being late anyway because of the road conditions here. But I always make up for the time I am late for, if I come in late then I stay late so the people I work with usually won't complain and it's not like I'm super late all the time. I get here around the "general time" which seems to be OK.

My co-worker was also telling me that they might no longer have me working Sundays because out general manager doesn't think I'm doing enough "work" which even the operations manager and my co-worker seem to think that I should be here because one person taking phones and dispatching two cities, although is manageable at times has its moments where there just has to be two people here. All I can do is cross my fingers though and just hope my GM can see that I do work when I am in here Sundays.

I don't know why every year I am excited for Christmas.....I do the same thing for my birthday, Valentines Day, and just about every holiday- I can't wait, its something to look forward to- and then it comes and I am taken back down to the reality of my life- there is no special thing about this day......I did celebrate Winter when we rolled over into it from Fall adn that was far more special to me, than today is. I guess it is the expectations- I set this high level of what I hope for a day....not particulars, just a thought that the day will be filled with magic somehow.....it only depresses me-
And this year I am thinking about my besfriend who is right now with her grandmother and 2 aunts grieving in Louisiana for her mother. On Christmas Day she is sitting there with a feeling I can't even imagine- that disconnect. I think losing your parents must feel like your last deep connection to all things childhood and a deep part of yourself is cut off- Like an invisible umbilical cord you carry that ties you to your parents, both, until their passing- the cord is then cut and you are lefft feeling empty. I don't want this for my friend. The last few years of her life have been harder than I could imagine.....She lost her father 18 mos. ago and now her mother......
Distant from that deep seated pain- is my own- my feelings of loss for her mother......I imagine her face, her smile, her voice, her mannerisms- her inability to be a mother to my friend yet be so nurturing and lving......her fierceness- her kindness.....I am thinking today of her sisters and mother- And how painful today must be for them.

A couple years ago another friend from my childhood died on Christmas eve-- I was thinking of her yesterday too.......
I hoped this Christmas would be filled with love, happiness and appreciation- and the love is there- I love my family, I love my friend. I appreciate even more with that cloud of death hanging over me- life. Being given a chance to experience it and being grateful for my time here- but happiness has faded a bit........Christmas disappoints, yet again.

I went to see my doctor yesterday for a health check-up, and apparently the seizure I had the other day (it must have been a massive one) has caused some damage. I've now got labyrinthitis... basically, the balance system in my inner ear has been fucked by the convulsions I had, which is giving me bad coordination and constant feelings of vertigo. I've also wiped out a large chunk of my memory. Some of it may return with time, while the rest could have been permanently lost. At this stage, it's just a matter of waiting and seeing.

I've been prescribed prochlorperazine to treat the vertigo symptoms, which is a highly potent typical anti-psychotic, though it's an older medication that's no longer used to treat psychosis - just nausea and vertigo. The vertigo does seem to be slowly improving as each day passes, but I'm still having big problems with the memory. Hopefully that too will get better with time! The upside of the prochlorperazine is that it seems to prevent me from getting high on meth - I smoked a few shards yesterday and they did absolutely nothing.

My doc has also prescribed me 20mg's of diazepam a day on top of my 4-6mg's of clonazepam. I've been on clonazepam for about 6 years and have developed a nasty dependence to the stuff (possibly one reason why I had the seizure the other day!), so I'm not keen to start adding diazepam into the mix as well. We'll see how it goes. The diazepam was prescribed to help me relax and fall asleep (I'm too tolerant to zopiclone, temazepam, and most other sleeping tablets - plus I've got a history of overdosing and drug abuse, so I guess my doc is now reluctant to prescribe any of those to me), but lately my sleep has actually been pretty good. That seizure must have really drained my mind and body, because over the last few days I've been sleeping like a baby. The prochlorperazine probably helps me sleep too.

Yesterday started off with me waking up at the crack of dawn and going to eat pancakes.
The day wasn't all entirely to bad, just a lot of classes.
I was coming off of all the xanax I took and to be honest with you I don't remember what all went on.
I did end up catching a ride to the salvation army to get the rest of my shit, and someone stole my paper bag full of cookies and teddy ghrams.
Talked to my roomate for fucking ever, he's a good guy, knows his shit, sept he won't shut the fuck up.
I'm sure someone can relate to the one guy in rehab that is all cheerful and is all happy as fuck 24.7, so after a while I just rolled over and pass'd out.
Oh yeah also I miss placed my "Wall-Pod"( ghetto wallmart Ipod). It has all my favorite trance music on it, and most of them are german and shit so I can't really google them.
The cold is going around and I've been sick with a cough, runny nose, and sore throat all yesterday, and today.
Luckly before I got here I bought some ear plugs so I wont hear any snoreage while I sleep, and by golly my roomate snores. I could hear him through my ear plugs, so to counter his snores I would exhale everytime he exhaled so I would hear my snore and not his snore, I don't snore but at times I wish I could snore so loud when summoned and give them a piece of their own medicine. Bed time, tommoro is Christmas and here I am.
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Christmas morning, how cool is this, here I am in treatment, and everyone here left to go on pass, and it's just be, and a few other people.
Woke up with a bang on the window at 6:30am, and threw my boots on and went to stand in the never ending medicine line to take my Neurontin.
The shit helps a lot with my nerves and anxiety. Shit I used to take 12 at once to get fucked up, and now I take 1 every 4 hours. I've never taken just one of something if I had more of it. What kind of hardcore herion addict would take one lortab 10 when they are doing up to 5 bags a day and 3 oc 80's?
Anyways I don't know if I mentioned this but a few days ago after buying some cough syurp(for my cold) and a pack of kite rolling tobaco, I sat on a bench and started to roll a smoke when this homeless dude came up to me and ask for one. At first I was like "Fuck off", sept I could see the pain in his eyes, and I havn't seen him at the salvation army so this guy has gotta be sleepn on the streets or at one of the other shelters around here, anyways he ended up giving me 5 10mg lortabs, some traladol(some pain pill?) and 3 other lortab looking pills with that V thats on the pink ones.
I told myself that I'm only taking these for my cough.
Ended up taking them all and going back to the salvation army and bought some oc 5mgs and pop'd those to. It has been a while since I've pop'd any opiates and felt like puking my brains out. So I just layed in my bed at the sally, and listend to music trying to read my book "Eclipse", couldn't fucking read the words so I just said fuck it and passed out.
As for today I'm here alone in my room, writing this sipin coffee. Bought 4 packs of pallmals and a can of camel snus(the sweet fruity kind) had a $2 off cupon for it so spent pretty much all of my $ on nicotine. What else would I fucking spend it on since I cant leave the grounds for 2 weeks?
So by the way this is a 6 month program. The first month is like anyother rehab, and after that they help you find a job, and have to pay 30% for treatment (even tho this treatment center is funded by United Way.)
It's not all that bad... Just Christmas time, and have no one to call. Theres a AA meeting up stairs at 10:00am, so going to that then dunno guess ima go eat a bannana,
merry christmas
------
Just got out of a AA speaker meeting here. I tell ya that people got some fucked up stories. The man talked about how his father that was dieng with cancer caught him stealing his pain pills from the safe. He talked about how his dad was in recovery, and when his dad found him all he did was put his hand on his shoulder and said "Son, I hate this for you", and gave him the medicine. His father died 2 weeks later.
I can relate to him, my father is dieng of brain cancer and I stole his pain pills all the time, I never thought about how much pain my father was in, and took his pills. It got me thinking that I should call my father today. I havn't talked to him in a month and last time that I talked to him he was talking about us plaing a trip to gatlinburg and go hiking. (sorry this is emotional to me.) I just tried calling him, and got the disconected line voice.
What if he did pass away? What about that hiking trip he promised me? What the fuck am I susposed to do? That speaker hit a fucking nerve in me and now here I am crying, alone on christmas morning.
I don't know what I will do if my father passed. Why hasn't no one told me (if he did).
If that is the case I'd get my revolver set it on the table, along with a gallon of evan williams and drink while I spin the revolver, clicking it until I'm no longer in pain.
I'm hurting, both on the inside, and on the outside. As much as I want to feel, I don't know what it feels like yet, and people in recovery tell me if I just hang in there another 5 mins that I will feel a little better, and let me tell you that it hurts.

i used to play a bit of golf when i was younger.. 11, 12 years old. people used to tell me i had a real "natural" golf swing. i never really had lessons as a young kid, it was just the way i would swing the club.

being a bit older now, i recently started playing golf again a bit more frequently as i got a new set of clubs a few weeks ago. i've recently had a few games with some decent experienced players, who have given me some tips about my swing.

how ever, it seems the more i learn about the golf swing, the more complicated it has become, and at the same time more difficult, because i am consciously thinking about more techniques etc...

it's a lot like life i guess. it seems some people go through life quite easily and effortless, while others, like me, seem to think and analyse things too much. the more i think about life, the more complicated it becomes, and therefore the harder it is to get through each day.

it seems like some people go through life with very little conscious decisions.. it's like they're so comfortable with themselves and their personality, that their sub conscious runs along on it's own. i on the other hand seem to struggle to just relax, "let my hair down" and be me. maybe because consciously i am not really happy with my personally and "who i am". who i am, being my attitude, my personality, and the thought process that goes through my mind when in most social situations.

i guess the less complicated things are, the easier it is. simple as that.

I have my own blog at http://southofforever.livejournal.com/

where I write my uncensored thoughts and only rule i have to follow is not to harass people or post pictures that are not mine.

So yeah, if you want to check that one out too, feel free too.

Sometimes it gets quite funny. :D

After coming down off shrooms the morning i decided to shoot up some dilaudid. So i preped a 4mg name brand dilaudid for injection and hit it on the first try. It was too easy almost. I had a second shot later on but i couldnt hit a vein in my arm after 2 tries and not wanting to brise it further i shot it into my hand.

The rush was fucking good no doubt about that but certainly not better then sex like ive heard some people say. I also really don't want to make a habit of doing this because i know what it leads too. But after clearing it with the person that means most in my life i figured id have to try it atleast. So that was my early christmas present just for me . The one thing in my life i said id never do but what the hell.

So now i can say ive done every route of administration. I can say ive shot dilaudid and not just snorted it. Hopefully i'll be a smart enough man to just keep the injecting to a minimum.

Hopefully

I am so happy now! I just can`t help enjoying it. Methadone... What a wonderful thing. I love it. And tonight my girl-friend`s coming. That`s so great. I`m missing her so much. Hope to be happier,when she comes. I wish everybody happiness and luck!!!

Hello my fellow Bluelighters!

I just want to update my blog with a message to you all. I'd simply like to wish you all a sincere Happy Holidays! Whether you are currently a slave to a substance, or you're living on the streets, or you're spending the season in a rehab facility or jail, or you're just happy with family and loved ones, whatever your situation, I'd like to wish you a happy holiday!

I'd say Merry Christmas but I want to extend this to everyone and not just those who celebrate Christmas.

Also, I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year! My new year plan consists of 4 hits of liquid acid while my girlfriend has 1/8 of shrooms and we celebrate in our cozy little apartment with one of our roommates and another friend who I believe will also be tripping. Should be a night of laughs and feelings of ecstacy. I can't wait.

Well, I hope everyone has as great a holiday as I plan to. This is the first Christmas that I'm spending with my love and I don't know if you can tell but I am a little giddy and happy

Peace & Love to ALL!

Been fighting for cistody of my daughter and father has been a cocknob, so i sent an email pwning him.

Neighbour threatening my cats and family with bodily harm, almost had my 6 foot hubby kick the shit out of this man who is like 5'3 who was drunk and all talk abut calmed him down. Might have to contact police soon.

Had a RAGE attack and left for 25hrs and stayed at a cheap ass family shelter, will post pathetic pix later of the horrible place.

Been x-mas shopping....baught my daughter a digi cam corder and a $50 gift certificate.

My son got trucks, he loves trucks and Harry Potter new movie.

My husband got a Tim Hortons gift pack and a digi cam.

I dunno what i got, big secret, but apparently cost hundreds =/ lulz


Some of you might not know but I am trained in certian aspects in Drug Addiction Counseling, Law, Paralegal Law (car incidents), Sociology, Psychology, and Anthropology. Iam also somewhat trained in media studies. I hold no degree as I left each study before the end but I am 100% certified in Standard First Aid with AED & CPR Training (Level C) which is meant for people working in the Health Care Field. I am also planning on working in family shelters and have some fiest hand knowledge on them also.

Just so its clear I am knowledgable in the above for further referance and can cite my exact knowledge once I find my transcripts of my Drug Addiction and Community Service Worker knowledge.

Off to more pwnage of daughter's dad. lulz.


Hope you all have a exellent holiday season!

......

Some of you may know my best friend and I have been on the outs....
We got in a fight on Thanksgiving and she moved out-

But today her mother died.
My have been friends with her for 15 years and really did love her mother.
Her mother had problems, alot of them- she was crazy, and made so many choices I hated, but I cared for her deeply.
I am so sad- I feel a deep loss, and I feel so terrible for my friend.......
Her father passed 18 mos. ago-
I just can't believe this..........

I can't grow weed...I dunno, i feel like I did everything I could...I mean, I was VERY overhwlemed in the begining because so many of them sprouted but i thought Id had it under control when all of a sudden they stretched and began to die...so i repotted them thiking maybe they had grown to bog too fast for the cups I had them in while sprouting... So, I transferred them and all but two died...that was like 2 days ago...so now im down to 2, from 24 to 2..holy shit...
so, one of my two decides to whilt and die in the past 2 days, i cant believe it...myabe the seeds i got were just shit, or, maybe im just no damn good...
eh, im really rooting for this last little plant...shes so fragile and i hope she pulls through...

12-23-09

Well what can I say, Ive been homeless since Tuesday of last week, and yeah lemmie tell you, its a fucking wake up call.
waking up at 5:30am every morning, and since i'm so used to sleeping till 5:30pm in the afternoon it's like what the fuck?

The shelter wasn't all that bad, you get there at 3pm, sign in at 3pm, shower, make ur bed, wait till 5:30pm till they serve dinner, after dinner you go smoke, or can go to bed.
Lately i've been reading "Eclipse" from the Twilight series. It's not a bad book.
Anyways I'm finally in treatment, got my room, I Share it with a KKKlan member and he seem's cool from what I saw.
I'm still fucking suprised I'm on the fucking internet lol.
----------------------------------------------
Well I fucked up, You know how most people want that last fuck up before you go right, well yea I slipped again, me being a fucking dumbass a shot 1mg of a dilaudid and it still had blood in it from a guy I met at the shelter, he told me that he was clean, and didn't have HIV or Hepatitis , still my dumb ass was like "OK SURE WHY FUCKING NOT", I didn't feel fucking shit. So after all that shit I might now have HIV,
You know now, I'm writing this accepting that I have a fucking problem. The craving hit me, and since I have no mental defense my smart thinking got me to put that shit into my vein, and now there's a P size bump where the needle went it.
I'm so fucking worried..
-----------------------------
It is 6:34pm my time, and I oughta been in group, I just felt like sharing my strength and shit with everyone.
I feel pretty low now after sharing a needle with a homeless dude. I don't know ya'l, I'm staying away from the bluelight lounge for a while and sticking with my blogs.
-------
I have a problem, I need help.
God please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change the courage to change things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know you hear it all the time at every meeting. It just now hit the nail with me,
wish you all a good night and merry christmas,
I'll see you all later.
-Drew

Strengths
Compassionate
Dependable
Loyal and reliable
Strong - physically as well
as emotionally Dislikes change.


Weaknessess
Stubborn
Sensitive
Aggressive



%) 21st April to 21st May %)

Symbol: The Bull
Ruling Planet: Venus
Quality: Fixed
Element: Earth
Basic Trait: I Have
Closest Metal: Copper
Lucky Day: Friday
Lucky Colors: Pastel Shades
Lucky Gems: Lapis Lazuli and Sapphires
Lucky Flowers: Daffodils and Daisies

Taurus zodiac sign is represented by the symbol of 'The Bull' and just like a bull, a Taurus person is strong and silent. In the first instance, a Taurean comes across as extremely quiet and reserved person. Only after you get close to him will you have a proper conversation, rather than simple monologues. He moves deliberately and is as steady as the 'Rock of Gibraltar'. Once a Taurus has made up his mind, it is impossible to move him even slightly. If you leave him alone, a Taurean will come across as a very easygoing person.

You push him somewhat and he becomes stubborn. Still trying to make him budge, beware of the violent temper. A Taurus person is hardly impulsive and never gets angry without a reason. Infact, he has the perfect control over his emotions. However, when a Taurus does get angry, it is better not to get in the way or you are bound to get trampled. The anger also takes time to come down. He is quite attracted to the opposite sex, but attracting people to himself seems more preferable to him.

One of the typical personality traits of a Taurus is passivity. You can count on him to be there when you need him, but he will never be the one to call on you. At the same time, he will know 'what to do' and 'how to do it'. Worrying, fretting or getting nervous is definitely not one of Taurus characteristics. It is in his nature to be stable and stoic. He takes his decisions slowly, after careful considerations. Taurus people love their home and change upsets them. Don't tell a Taurus that he's stubborn; he'll never believe it. He thinks himself to be patient, not obstinate.

Taureans have this amazing quality of bearing emotional and physical pain, even for years, without grieving or complaining. The more the troubles come pouring in, the stronger he will come out to be. A Taurus is nothing if not loyal and dedicated to his family and friends. He has a good appetite and loves food and drinks. He has a funny bone too; it's just that he prefers broad and slapstick comedy to subtle humor. Taureans are hardly cruel. At the same time, they are seldom broke. Sooner or later, the money will come to them.

A Taurus is not stingy and his pockets, along with his heart, are always open to friends and family. He loves grandeur and he is deeply interested in the various forms of art. Music usually has a very special place in his life. The ideas of a Taurus are always sensible as well as practical. He is not the one to build castles out of air. Synonymous with lasting love, Taurus people are not prone to wandering. They love luxury, but detest waste and extravagance. Last but not the least, they are dependable, strong, patient and trustworthy.


Basically we never give up on friends that we care about and we are very patient but very stubborn. We never give up on anyone or anything. Once you make a friend in us, its for life.

You piss us off, we might retailate in a feirce way, but we stay true to our friends.



Maybe SOME PEOPLE will realize this....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtGF2m102Wg

i hate hate hate spending forced time with my family. i really don't like them for the most part. i can't stand how petty they, how self absorbed they are and how they think family is the greatest thing in the world.

i waste so much money coming back here for the holidays. flying isn't exactly cheap during peak times. then my mother expects that i buy presents for her, my dad, my sister, her boyfriend, my cousin and his gf, my other cousins and a few other people. all these people buy me little crappy things like soap and lotion sets that i don't want. i have told them all that i would rather not exchange presents. but then i am called selfish and a scrooge.

i do buy my husband one nice present each year. my mother is angry that i spend money on him willingly and not on my family. i also buy a few of my close friends bottles of wine or liquor. its nothing big and its not required or expected.

my sister is the same way as my mother. she is angry that i did not literally spend all night with her and her bf last night. we went to dinner and a movie and they went home to bed. i went out.

i swear every time i am back seeing family idiotic fights like this break out. they insult my friends, and get angry that my every waking moment is not dedicated to them.

Travis woke up Saturday morning not knowing his best friend for over ten years was going to die. He wouldn't have any way of knowing unless he could somehow intuit this information from the way his dog looked at him while he brushed his teeth and generally got ready for the day.

No, instead he just went along his regular way of doing things. Cereal and eggs before swishing down his twice-daily protein shake. Then it was to the gym.

Travis was no ordinary weight-lifter. He was emphatic about it, obsessive some would say. Indeed his day would worsen by the minute up until tragedy, but that's beyond what was happening early in the morning.

At the gym, Travis worked out his shoulders, his legs, and ran on the treadmill for about a half an hour. He sweat and strained, listening to Moby and Aphex Twin on his portable mp3 player.

Travis was alone usually. He didn't have the stereotypical "lifting partner," as gay as that sounds. Lifting was a way to get away from things for Travis. In fact, most of his daily routine was a way of getting away from the things in his life he deemed stressful or painful.

Five years earlier, Travis lost his sister to an ugly car accident in Tennessee. He was a skinny, pale kid back then. Easily impressionable and liked by most, though misunderstood, Travis went through life without a care.