Yesterday started off with me waking up at the crack of dawn and going to eat pancakes.
The day wasn't all entirely to bad, just a lot of classes.
I was coming off of all the xanax I took and to be honest with you I don't remember what all went on.
I did end up catching a ride to the salvation army to get the rest of my shit, and someone stole my paper bag full of cookies and teddy ghrams.
Talked to my roomate for fucking ever, he's a good guy, knows his shit, sept he won't shut the fuck up.
I'm sure someone can relate to the one guy in rehab that is all cheerful and is all happy as fuck 24.7, so after a while I just rolled over and pass'd out.
Oh yeah also I miss placed my "Wall-Pod"( ghetto wallmart Ipod). It has all my favorite trance music on it, and most of them are german and shit so I can't really google them.
The cold is going around and I've been sick with a cough, runny nose, and sore throat all yesterday, and today.
Luckly before I got here I bought some ear plugs so I wont hear any snoreage while I sleep, and by golly my roomate snores. I could hear him through my ear plugs, so to counter his snores I would exhale everytime he exhaled so I would hear my snore and not his snore, I don't snore but at times I wish I could snore so loud when summoned and give them a piece of their own medicine. Bed time, tommoro is Christmas and here I am.
----------
Christmas morning, how cool is this, here I am in treatment, and everyone here left to go on pass, and it's just be, and a few other people.
Woke up with a bang on the window at 6:30am, and threw my boots on and went to stand in the never ending medicine line to take my Neurontin.
The shit helps a lot with my nerves and anxiety. Shit I used to take 12 at once to get fucked up, and now I take 1 every 4 hours. I've never taken just one of something if I had more of it. What kind of hardcore herion addict would take one lortab 10 when they are doing up to 5 bags a day and 3 oc 80's?
Anyways I don't know if I mentioned this but a few days ago after buying some cough syurp(for my cold) and a pack of kite rolling tobaco, I sat on a bench and started to roll a smoke when this homeless dude came up to me and ask for one. At first I was like "Fuck off", sept I could see the pain in his eyes, and I havn't seen him at the salvation army so this guy has gotta be sleepn on the streets or at one of the other shelters around here, anyways he ended up giving me 5 10mg lortabs, some traladol(some pain pill?) and 3 other lortab looking pills with that V thats on the pink ones.
I told myself that I'm only taking these for my cough.
Ended up taking them all and going back to the salvation army and bought some oc 5mgs and pop'd those to. It has been a while since I've pop'd any opiates and felt like puking my brains out. So I just layed in my bed at the sally, and listend to music trying to read my book "Eclipse", couldn't fucking read the words so I just said fuck it and passed out.
As for today I'm here alone in my room, writing this sipin coffee. Bought 4 packs of pallmals and a can of camel snus(the sweet fruity kind) had a $2 off cupon for it so spent pretty much all of my $ on nicotine. What else would I fucking spend it on since I cant leave the grounds for 2 weeks?
So by the way this is a 6 month program. The first month is like anyother rehab, and after that they help you find a job, and have to pay 30% for treatment (even tho this treatment center is funded by United Way.)
It's not all that bad... Just Christmas time, and have no one to call. Theres a AA meeting up stairs at 10:00am, so going to that then dunno guess ima go eat a bannana,
merry christmas
------
Just got out of a AA speaker meeting here. I tell ya that people got some fucked up stories. The man talked about how his father that was dieng with cancer caught him stealing his pain pills from the safe. He talked about how his dad was in recovery, and when his dad found him all he did was put his hand on his shoulder and said "Son, I hate this for you", and gave him the medicine. His father died 2 weeks later.
I can relate to him, my father is dieng of brain cancer and I stole his pain pills all the time, I never thought about how much pain my father was in, and took his pills. It got me thinking that I should call my father today. I havn't talked to him in a month and last time that I talked to him he was talking about us plaing a trip to gatlinburg and go hiking. (sorry this is emotional to me.) I just tried calling him, and got the disconected line voice.
What if he did pass away? What about that hiking trip he promised me? What the fuck am I susposed to do? That speaker hit a fucking nerve in me and now here I am crying, alone on christmas morning.
I don't know what I will do if my father passed. Why hasn't no one told me (if he did).
If that is the case I'd get my revolver set it on the table, along with a gallon of evan williams and drink while I spin the revolver, clicking it until I'm no longer in pain.
I'm hurting, both on the inside, and on the outside. As much as I want to feel, I don't know what it feels like yet, and people in recovery tell me if I just hang in there another 5 mins that I will feel a little better, and let me tell you that it hurts.
The day wasn't all entirely to bad, just a lot of classes.
I was coming off of all the xanax I took and to be honest with you I don't remember what all went on.
I did end up catching a ride to the salvation army to get the rest of my shit, and someone stole my paper bag full of cookies and teddy ghrams.
Talked to my roomate for fucking ever, he's a good guy, knows his shit, sept he won't shut the fuck up.
I'm sure someone can relate to the one guy in rehab that is all cheerful and is all happy as fuck 24.7, so after a while I just rolled over and pass'd out.
Oh yeah also I miss placed my "Wall-Pod"( ghetto wallmart Ipod). It has all my favorite trance music on it, and most of them are german and shit so I can't really google them.
The cold is going around and I've been sick with a cough, runny nose, and sore throat all yesterday, and today.
Luckly before I got here I bought some ear plugs so I wont hear any snoreage while I sleep, and by golly my roomate snores. I could hear him through my ear plugs, so to counter his snores I would exhale everytime he exhaled so I would hear my snore and not his snore, I don't snore but at times I wish I could snore so loud when summoned and give them a piece of their own medicine. Bed time, tommoro is Christmas and here I am.
----------
Christmas morning, how cool is this, here I am in treatment, and everyone here left to go on pass, and it's just be, and a few other people.
Woke up with a bang on the window at 6:30am, and threw my boots on and went to stand in the never ending medicine line to take my Neurontin.
The shit helps a lot with my nerves and anxiety. Shit I used to take 12 at once to get fucked up, and now I take 1 every 4 hours. I've never taken just one of something if I had more of it. What kind of hardcore herion addict would take one lortab 10 when they are doing up to 5 bags a day and 3 oc 80's?
Anyways I don't know if I mentioned this but a few days ago after buying some cough syurp(for my cold) and a pack of kite rolling tobaco, I sat on a bench and started to roll a smoke when this homeless dude came up to me and ask for one. At first I was like "Fuck off", sept I could see the pain in his eyes, and I havn't seen him at the salvation army so this guy has gotta be sleepn on the streets or at one of the other shelters around here, anyways he ended up giving me 5 10mg lortabs, some traladol(some pain pill?) and 3 other lortab looking pills with that V thats on the pink ones.
I told myself that I'm only taking these for my cough.
Ended up taking them all and going back to the salvation army and bought some oc 5mgs and pop'd those to. It has been a while since I've pop'd any opiates and felt like puking my brains out. So I just layed in my bed at the sally, and listend to music trying to read my book "Eclipse", couldn't fucking read the words so I just said fuck it and passed out.
As for today I'm here alone in my room, writing this sipin coffee. Bought 4 packs of pallmals and a can of camel snus(the sweet fruity kind) had a $2 off cupon for it so spent pretty much all of my $ on nicotine. What else would I fucking spend it on since I cant leave the grounds for 2 weeks?
So by the way this is a 6 month program. The first month is like anyother rehab, and after that they help you find a job, and have to pay 30% for treatment (even tho this treatment center is funded by United Way.)
It's not all that bad... Just Christmas time, and have no one to call. Theres a AA meeting up stairs at 10:00am, so going to that then dunno guess ima go eat a bannana,
merry christmas
------
Just got out of a AA speaker meeting here. I tell ya that people got some fucked up stories. The man talked about how his father that was dieng with cancer caught him stealing his pain pills from the safe. He talked about how his dad was in recovery, and when his dad found him all he did was put his hand on his shoulder and said "Son, I hate this for you", and gave him the medicine. His father died 2 weeks later.
I can relate to him, my father is dieng of brain cancer and I stole his pain pills all the time, I never thought about how much pain my father was in, and took his pills. It got me thinking that I should call my father today. I havn't talked to him in a month and last time that I talked to him he was talking about us plaing a trip to gatlinburg and go hiking. (sorry this is emotional to me.) I just tried calling him, and got the disconected line voice.
What if he did pass away? What about that hiking trip he promised me? What the fuck am I susposed to do? That speaker hit a fucking nerve in me and now here I am crying, alone on christmas morning.
I don't know what I will do if my father passed. Why hasn't no one told me (if he did).
If that is the case I'd get my revolver set it on the table, along with a gallon of evan williams and drink while I spin the revolver, clicking it until I'm no longer in pain.
I'm hurting, both on the inside, and on the outside. As much as I want to feel, I don't know what it feels like yet, and people in recovery tell me if I just hang in there another 5 mins that I will feel a little better, and let me tell you that it hurts.
